The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 2, Episode 32 - Take Me Out to the Ball Game - full transcript

Uh, ahem, how do I look?

'You got you hat on backwards.'

It's supposed to be!
It tells people I'm an umpire.

Oh, I better go see for myself.

Hmm, heh heh.

Hmm, not bad.

What do you think, Wilma?

(Wilma)
'Say cheese.'

Cheese.

[mirror shattering]

[theme music]



[blows whistle]

[tires screeching]

[siren blaring]

[blows whistle]

[tires screeching]

[music continues]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

thud

wham

thud

pop

[music continues]

[Wilma humming]



snip snip snip

snip snip snip

[cawing]

My favorite,
yabba dabba doo berry.

plop plop plop

- 'Thank you, Snipper.'
- It's alright.

[tires screeching]

crash

[shattering]

Alright, Dino,
daddy's home.

[barking]

The city is no place
to raise a dinosaur.

[laughing]

That Dino's not gonna
jump on me tonight.

Dino, daddy's home.

vroom

thud

[barking]

Down, Dino.
Down, down.

Heal boy. Heal, heal.

That you, Fred?

Why don't you lie down, dear,
and relax till dinner's ready.

I'm lying down,
but who can relax?

Come on, put me down, boy. Down!

thud

(Wilma)
'Oh, Fred, get up.'

Well, why can't he
be like other dogs

and bring things to me
instead of vice-versa?

He's still a puppy.

Besides you started it
when you taught him

'to fetch the evening paper.'

Which reminds me,
where is the paper?

(Wilma)
'Where the newsboy
usually puts it, I suppose.'

Up on the roof again?

No, I told him last week

you were tired of climbing
up there for the paper.

So, this week he's
being more careful.

'I think you'll find it in
the cactus hedges somewhere.'

Don't go away, dear.
Dinner is almost ready.

I'm just gonna look
for the paper.

Here's your paper,
Mr. Flintstone.

Put it right here.

thud

Arnold.

Can't stop, Mr. Flintstone.

I'll be late
for baseball practice.

(Fred)
'Baseball practice?'

Sure, I'm a pitcher.
Be seeing you.

Peewee League
playoffs Saturday.

Bedrock versus Grittsburgh.

[tapping]

Hail? In July?

[tapping continues]

Ah, it's that gooney bird
laying eggs on my TV antenna.

tap

plonk

(Fred)
'"Official Peewee League ball.
Ford Brick Pres."'

Nice catch, Fred.

You wanna clean up
your yard a little?

We're running outta
balls over here.

Alright, Rubble,
what is this?

That's a baseball, Fred.

All these little round things

lying on the ground
are baseballs too.

I know that, but how about
them hitting my roof?

Yeah, how about that?
Isn't it great?

- Great?
- Sure.

Every ball that hits
your roof is a home run.

Oh, yeah? Well, what about
this one that conked me?

Oh, sorry, Fred,
but we can't count that.

Your skull is foul territory.

What are you talking about?
Who is we?

We is the Giants.

Come on over and meet them.

Giants? Where? Where? Where?
I-I don't see any giants.

(Barney)
'You're standing in them.'

- 'Hiya, Mr. Flintstone.'
- Arnold!

We call him stretch
'cause he's so tall.

[blows whistle]

Okay, you guys, out in
the field and shake flies.

Except you...Slugger.

Put your batting cap on

and knock out a few
flies for the men.

Got you, coach.

And give it everything
you got.

Will do, coach.

Hey, aren't you
little Eugene Slate

my bosses kid?

My professional name
in baseball circles..

swish

...is Slugger.

You want I should pitch
batting practice, coach?

No, Stretch, save the old soup
ball for the big game.

We'll use the pitching machine.

Okay, baby.
Let's chuck em' in there.

Eh, you want me to lob 'em
or you want mustard on 'em?

Uh, mix them up.

Okay, coach.

swish

thwack

Pretty neat.

In the Peewee League
we spare no expense

to bring the lads
the most modern

'and up-to-date
sporting equipment.'

thwack

Hey, the kids are good.

Well, I just try to give
all the benefits

of my vast experience
and know-how.

(Melvin)
'It's all mine.
I'll get it, I'll get it.'

- 'I got it!'
- Nice catch, Melvin!

I never knew you played
baseball, Barney.

Oh, I never did.

If you've never played
where'd you get the know-how?

From watching
baseball commercials.

Where else?

[blows whistle]

Okay, men, come on in
and we'll choose up sides.

Uh, you want to get
in the game, Fred?

You could use a little
exercise around your infield.

Oh.

[chuckling]
That wouldn't be fair.

I mean, a big guy
like me on one side.

We're building good
sportsmanship here, Fred.

The side that gets you,
will just have to learn

to be good losers.

Okay, men, choose your teams.

And for my last choice,
I'll take, um...I'll take, um..

...I'll take Clarence.

Yippee! I made it!
I made it!

Sorry, Mr. Flintstone,
I would have choosed you

if it had been for
football or tug of war

or even king of the mountain.

You would have made
a good mountain.

Aw, thanks, Arnold.

But I don't know much
about baseball anyway.

Well, in that case,
how about you be an umpire?

- Umpire?
- 'Sure.'

'You got the eye for it
and the mouth too.'

'Look how good
you wall me up'

when I miss your
porch with my curve

'and your paper
lands on the roof.'

Umpire?

(Barney)
'Thanks, Arnold'

but Mr. Flintstone doesn't
know much about baseball anyway.

Who says I don't?

Play ball!

(Wilma)
'Look at that clock.
Almost 7 p.m.'

If Fred doesn't come home soon,
dinner will be ruined.

(Betty)
Hmm, I'm used to it.

Since Barney got involved
with the league

he's never home
before dinner is ruined.

I can't understand
where Fred went.

And I fixed his favorite yabba
dabba doo berry pie for dessert.

What are you going to do?

Call Fred home
the super-sonic way.

With a whistle only
his nose can hear.

swish

Strike one!

Strike? But that was
a mile over my head.

I say it's a strike
and I'm the umpire.

I say it was a ball
and I'm Eugene Slate

your boss' little boy.

Well, I call 'em as I see 'em.

But I'll see what I can do
on the next one.

Ball one!

You called that before
the ball even got here.

So, why wait
for the last minute?

So play ball or I'll
throw you out of the game.

[sniffing]

- 'Well?'
- 'Yeah, well.'

[sniffing continues]

Too.

Too what?

Too dark to tell.

This game is called

because of yabba
dabba doo berry pie.

[panting]

Stop begging, Dino.

If daddy's not home in five
minutes, you'll get his hash.

(Fred)
'Wilma! I'm back!'

[grumbling]

You took the words
right out of my mouth, Dino.

Boy, that exercise sure
gives you an appetite.

(Wilma)
'Exercise?'

'You mean, you've
been out playing polo'

'with your millionaire
friends again?'

'No, I've been out playing
with a bunch of giants.'

Ask a silly question,
get a silly answer.

Gee, wait till I tell
Fred that a real

big-league scout
was scouting him.

Uh, let's not say anything
about it, Rubble.

I like to observe new prospects
in their own home.

Feel about carefully.

See if they got the stuff
to be umpires.

Don't want me to tell him
you're a scout?

We'll keep it hush-hush
until the time is right.

[knocking on door]

(Fred)
'I'll get it, Wilma.'

- Hiya, Freddy boy.
- 'Hiya, Barney. Come in.'

- Long time no see.
- 'Yeah, almost 15 minutes.'

Get that snappy come back,
no hesitation there.

I notice you brought
someone with you.

Good eyes, quick grasp
of the situation.

Uh, I'm Fred Flintstone.

Self-confidence and poise
oozing out of every pore.

What are you, Rubble, a kook?

A keen judge of human nature.

- I'll ask you one more time..
- 'He's patient.'

...what's going on?

You couldn't ask
for better projection

right from the diaphragm.

Nice pear shape, alright.

Out!

[clapping]

Beautiful, Fred. Beautiful.

- Uh, what do you think, scout?
- I got goose pimples, Rubble.

He's got the stuff
to be a star.

Flintstone, my name
is J. Walter Amalgam.

What would you say,
Fred, if I told you

you are shaking the hand
of our country's greatest scout?

I'd say, you were nutty.

He don't even know
the scout handshake.

But Amalgam says we got
to bring me along slow.

Maybe start right here
in Bedrock this Saturday

at the Peewee League playoffs.

Hey, that's great.

With you calling
the game

Bedrock would be sure
to beat Grittsburgh.

Hold it, Rubble.
I call 'em as I see 'em.

There's not much difference
between an umpire and a husband.

They make quick decisions,
never change their minds

and you can never be sure if
they're safe when they're out.

I don't think Fred
will go through with it.

After all he's got a good job
down at the rock quarry.

And Mr. Slate would
never give him time off

to play with the children.

(Mr. Slate)
'Yeah, sure.'

'I'll talk to him right away.'

Flintstone.

Whoa! Whoa!

thud

'Flintstone!'

[stammering]
Um-um-um, um-um-um..

Y-y-yes, sir,
M-M-Mr. Slate, sir.

Is all the folderol and
fiddle-de-dee about you umpiring

the Peewee League game
Saturday true?

Yes, sir.

All that folderol
and fiddle-de-dee

is true, M-Mr. Slate.

Good, good. Take the day off.

Rest those precious eyes.

We want to make sure
you see them

as you call them Saturday.

Yes, sir, sir.

[knocking on door]

Just a minute! Coming!

Fred, is that you
under there?

And who were you expecting?

What are you
doing home so early?

[clattering]

Were you fired?

Not only was I not fired

Mr. Slate just gave me
a bonus and Saturday off.

To keep you from
becoming an umpire?

To help me to become an umpire.

Where's the bonus?

I spent it on the tools
of my new trade.

- 'What's that supposed to be?'
- A chest protector.

creak creak creak

- Give me a hand, Wilma.
- Sure, Fred.

thud

'I just dig that
crazy turtle girdle.'

Give me my cap.

"The new no cal cap
for umpires with fat head.

Oh, you are a doll.

Uh, ahem, how do I look?

'You got you hat on backwards.'

It's supposed to be!
It tells people I'm an umpire.

Oh, I better go see for myself.

Hmm, heh heh.

Hmm, not bad.

What do you think, Wilma?

(Wilma)
'Say cheese.'

Cheese.

[mirror shattering]

Fred, dinner's ready.

Sweeping off the plate.
Fred, for goodness sake.

I gotta get some
practice, don't I?

But honestly,
aren't you overdoing it?

Ah, this is a great book, Wilma.
Very inspiring.

The power of positive umpiring.

Listen to this.

"If you can keep your head
while those about you

are losing theirs
and blaming it on you.."

It's only a game, Fred.

"...if you can trust yourself
when all men doubt you

and little children
whistle and boo.."

The Peewee League
is for children.

'"...if you can smile while
all your friends desert you.."'

Peewee League baseball
is not for grownups.

"...remember sticks and stones
may break your bones

but names will never hurt you."

(Wilma)
'And it's supposed
to be fun.'

"If you could be continued
on the next page

"eh, eh, if you can be calm

"when the crowd calls you dumb

"then and only then
you'll be an umpire.

You bum."

Fred, why don't you forget it?

Oh, yeah?

The kids need some sort
of adult supervision

or they won't take it seriously.

I'll bet there isn't a father
in town taking it seriously.

Arnold, I..

[clears throat]

...had a long talk
with your teacher today

and she tells me you've
been neglecting your studies.

Now all you've been doing
is talking baseball

baseball, baseball.

'Son, I'm proud of you.'

'That's the way to win.'

Hey, pa, do I really have
to practice for another hour?

Of course, you have to
practice for another hour.

So, put that fiddle down
and go back out in the yard

and start pitching
to your mother again.

Your slider needs
a lot of work.

Dust her off once in a while
to keep her honest.

Honest, pop, I tried and tried,
but I just can't learn

to make the pivot
on the double play.

What can I tell them
down at the office?

I've got a son who's all
washed up at seven?

Eugene, the important thing
in life is to be a good sport.

Yes, sir.

It isn't just winning that
counts, it's how you win.

- You understand?
- Yes, sir.

And I want you to know that
even if the impossible happens

and you lose Saturday,
I'll still be your father.

Yes, sir.

And as your father,
I'd naturally

whip the living
daylights out of you!

(Amalgam)
'Flintstone, you're
a stupid ape'

'a bum and a big fat robber.'

- 'I still say you're out.'
- Beautiful.

You got great control.

But don't look too pleasant.

Nobody hates
a pleasant umpire.

'Snarl a little bit more.
You gotta be mean.'

[growling]

(Amalgam)
'Great, great.'

- 'How are your nerves?'
- Steady as a rock.

[rattling]

Hmm, oh, well, you'll feel
better after you toss out

your first baseball player.

Oh, I hope I do good today.

I got a lotta friends
in the stands.

Friends? Don't be ridiculous.

An umpire never has any friends.

It would look suspicious.

But my best friend,
Barney Rubble

is coaching
the Bedrock Giants.

Excellent. Show him
you're not prejudiced.

'Throw him out
right off the path.'

Hi out there, you
Peewee League fans.

This is your country cousin
Red Blabbermouth

bringing you the first
game of the season

'between our own beloved
Bedrock Giants.'

[crowd cheering]

'And their arch rivals
the Grittsburgh Pirates.'

'Both teams are coming
out on the field.'

'And here comes the umpire
for today's game'

'Fast Freddy Flintstone.'

Look, Mr. Slate, there's Fred.

- That's my man.
- Yay! Umpire!

(Wilma)
'How do you like that?'

'And I can't even get him
to sweep out the garage.'

(Betty)
'And there's Barney.'

'Look, he's offering Fred
his hand in friendship.'

That wasn't nice.

Fred, doesn't want
to tip off the Pirates

that the game
is in the bag.

What makes you
think so, Mr. Slate?

I'm Fred's boss and he knows
what this game means to me.

I mean, uh, the kids, heh heh.

First man up for the Pirates
is little Sonny Tungsten.

Sonny is leading the league
and stealing bases

and loosing teeth.

'They're are at the plate.'

'Stretch Arnold is winded up.'

'There's the pitch.'

Strike one.

Your husband has keen
eye sight, Mrs. Flintstone.

(Fred)
'Ball one!'

But he's blind
as a bat!

Looks like it'll be
a lo-o-ong, long game, Wilma.

It's been a long
tough ball game.

The score is Bedrock, 17
and Grittsburgh, 16.

'The batter's up,
here comes the pitch.'

swish

'Umpire Flintstone is holding up
three fingers on his right hand'

and three fingers
on his left.

Now he's changed
into four and two.

No, he's changing that.

Now he's holding up
six fingers again.

On one hand?

'Wait a minute, here comes
Coach Rubble of the Giants'

'out on the field.
Looks like a rhubarb.'

One more crack like that
Rubble and out you go.

But I didn't say a word yet.

No, but I know
what you're thinking.

Well, what was it a ball
or a strike?

[mumbling]

A ball?

The least you could
do is answer me.

I shook my head,
didn't I?

Oh, I wondered what
that rattling noise was.

(Blabbermouth)
'And now Stretch Arnold
is on the mount getting set.'

'He winds up.'

Here comes the pitch.

It's a change of pace,
a slow ball.

'What a pitcher that Arnold is!
What control!'

Izzy Norman is at bat.
He swings and misses.

The ball didn't even
reach the plate yet.

Uh-oh, darn it.

thud

[crowd cheering]

Wow, he didn't intend to hit it,
but it's out of the ballpark.

The score is even.

But wait a minute,
another rhubarb.

Both coaches are arguing
wit Umpire Flintstone.

But he's swung twice. That gives
him four strikes. So he's out.

You're right.

He hit the ball before
it reached the catcher

so it was a home run.

- You're right too.
- How can we both be right?

- 'Yeah? What about that?'
- Because I'm the umpire!

And what I say goes!
It says so in the book!

(Blabbermouth)
'This is the last inning.'

'And there's pitch hitter,
Sandy Sandpit'

with a possible tie-breakin'
run at the plate.

Sandy bats in the
neighborhood at 400.

'That is he's broken 400
windows in his neighborhood.'

'Arnold on the mound.'

Here's the pitch.

Sandy swings and it's
a beautiful line drive.

And it's goin'..

Slugger Slate is after it
as Sandy rounds second.

'Stretch Arnold is in there,
ready to cover.'

'And Sandy rounds third.'

As Slugger Slate whips
the ball to Clarence

'who relays it to Stretch
Arnold, now coverin' the plate.'

'Sandy Sandpit
heading for home.'

'Sandy hits the dirt.'

'It's a long slide
for the plate.'

Fred, watch out!

thud

Wee! Yoo-wee!

That was a close one.

Everyone is waiting for
Umpire Flintstone's decision.

(Wilma)
'Oh, I hope Fred isn't hurt!'

(Mr. Slate)
'It all depends
on how he calls it.'

- Well?
- Yeah, well?

Fred? Fred?

Ah, it's okay, Rubble.

I guess I was out.

Well, never mind you. All you
need is a little rest and quiet.

What was the runner?
Safe or out?

Uh, it was, uh..

...uh, safe or..

thud

Safe?

[crowd booing]

Just lie still till the
swelling goes down, Fred.

- Boy, was he wrong!
- Who was wrong?

The guy that said sticks
and stones could break my bones.

He didn't say anything
about those pop bottles.

Oh, my aching head.

Wonder what my boss thinks
after I called Eugene out

on strikes five times.

Actually the fathers
are evenly divided.

Half of them say
you're a blind bandit

who should be
run out of town.

And then there's
the sympathetic group

'who think that
tar and feathers is enough.'

Wilma, how's Fred?

It won't be long before he is
back to his old stubborn self.

Oh, hi, Fred.

Ah, no chance at all of you
reversing your decision?

No.

(Wilma)
'See, Betty? I told you
it wouldn't be long.'

Yeah...well, Fred,
you know all those nasty things

Barney said to you
at the end of the game?

(Fred)
'I certainly do.'

Well, he told me to tell you,
he reiterates them.

Good. Tell him
I accept his apology.

whoosh

thud

(Betty)
'What's that?'

(Wilma)
'It's a rock
with a note attached.'

'"Reverse your decision or..'

Yours truly anonymous."

- Hmm.
- It couldn't be Barney.

He couldn't even
spell anonymous.

Well, nobody's
intemedeming, indemetiming..

Nobody's pushing me around!
My decision stands!

How far you figure on
carrying that attitude, Fred?

(Fred)
'Why?'

You better start
carrying it fast.

'Here comes a great big mob
up the front walk.'

I still say we're safe.

But, Mr. Flintstone, us Giants
came to appeal to you.

I'm sorry, Arnold.
That won't do you any good.

I reached an optical conclusion
and I am not changing it.

(Arnold)
'We don't want you to.'

You don't?

You were right.

We did lose fair and square.

And we've come to apologize

for what poor sports
our fathers are.

And throwing all those
pop bottles and..

...stuff like that there.

Gosh, if you don't
stand up to them

they'll think they can
get anything in life

by bullying people.

'That's no way
to bring up a father.'

(all boys)
'Yeah, yeah.'

Well, well, gee-whiz, men.

That's, that's...nice
of you to stand behind me.

We're proud knowing a man
like you, Mr. Flintstone.

Nobody can push you around.

I'm proud of you fellows too.

But I don't think winning
a game is more important

than havin' fun!

(Arnold)
'Well, that's why we chose you.'

'You might be mean and grumbly,
but you're honest.'

'We'd like you to do
something for us.'

And the Bedrock Giants

have kindly donated all
this nice athletic equipment

and the specially built
baseball diamond

to you underprivileged fathers

'so you can get some
good healthy exercise'

'and learn fair play.'

You mean, our sons are
giving up the grand old game?

Oh, no, Mr. Slate.

They got themselves
a secret sandlot

where they're gonna
play by themselves

'without any adults
sticking their noses in.'

But who's gonna teach 'em?

First thing the little guys
need is the fundamentals.

Barney, the first thing
the little guys need is the fun!

(all boys)
'Yeah, yeah!'

Freddy Flintstone, you're
all heart and a yard wide.

muah

[theme music]

creak

[yawning]

[music continues]

[clinks]

thud

boing

thud

[rattling]

Wilma!

[banging on door]

'Wilma!'

'Come on, Wilma,
open this door!'

[music continues]

'Wilma!'

[music continues]