The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 2, Episode 31 - Latin Lover - full transcript

Annoyed that Wilma has a crush on Italian actor Roberto Rockellini, Fred tries to win her back by growing a mustache, wearing an ascot, and being charming--and it may be working; now ...

[Italian accent]
Can it be possible, Frederico

that you feel
this way too?

Si, signorina.

I'll will tell you in song.

[singing in foreign language]

- That's him.
- There he is.

Frederico.

I hate to leave you, my turtle,
but the gondola is drifting.

It's time to row.

I understand.

[grunting]



[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[blows whistle]

[tires screeching]

[siren blaring]

[blows whistle]

[tires screeching]

[music continues]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

thud

wham

thud

pop



[music continues]

Oh, boy,
what a tough day.

I'm kinda
bushed myself.

But you know, Barney boy,
there's one thing

that makes it
all worthwhile.

What's that, Fred?

Just realizing
the wonderful thing

that'll happen the minute
I step through that door.

Like, what'll happen?

A certain someone is waiting
with a big hug and kiss

just for me.

Yeah, hey,
that sounds great.

Uh, uh, who is it, Fred?

- My wife. Who do you think?
- Oh-oh, yeah, yeah.

[Barney laughing]

Oh, Wilma, I'm home, dear!

[clopping]

muah

[panting]

No, no, no, Dino.

Wilma kisses me,
you fetch my slippers.

[barking]

Uh, take it again
from the top, Fred.

Oh, Wilma, I'm home.

(Barney)
'Uh, nobody home, Fred.
Better relax.'

Huh?

Ah, the little angel's
probably out

in the kitchen making
my favorite dinner.

Brontosaurus fricassee.

Wilma!

It's me!
Little Freddie!

slurp

puff puff puff

Oh, what a lovely perfume.

Nothing too good
for lover boy.

It's a special blend
of gardenias, roses

and one other thing
I can't remember.

[hiccups]

Alcohol.

Whoopee!

Here, try some.

puff puff puff

[both sniffing]

Whoa-wee, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Smell that?

Yeah, probably the brontosaurus
fricassee cooking.

Oh, if it is

I think she got a hold
of a bad brontosaurus.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute!
You know what that is, Barney?

It's perfume.

Perfume.

That crazy Wilma
will do anything for me.

Wilma, big daddy's home!

How's about a kiss?

Mu..

I better not look.
This may be personal.

(Wilma)
'Is yours on Channel 14?'

(Betty)
'Positive, always
on Channel 14.'

What's on Channel 14?

Well, it ain't your
brontosaurus fricassee.

Oh, this is so exciting.

Yeah, get ready,
he'll be on in a minute.

Alright, alright,
what's going on here?

- Is it some kind of a gag?
- 'Quite, Fred!'

Is that all the greeting
I get, "Quiet, Fred?"

Well, at least she
remembered your name.

Please, keep it
down, fellows.

Roberto Rockolini
is on television.

Roberto Rockolini?
Who's that?

Who's that?
Only the great Latin lover.

You know, with the curly hair
and the big white teeth.

And that adorable moustache.

Well, shh, the movie
is starting now.

[instrumental music]

Wilma, I want
my dinner!

I'll get your dinner
during the commercial.

- Now be still.
- Look, there he is.

(both)
Ooh!

[speaking in foreign language]

He says that so beautifully.

thud

So, that's beautiful?
I can't even tell what it means.

I can. It means
we get our own dinner.

You want to join me in a peanut
butter sandwich fricassee?

No, sir, not me.

This is my house
and that's my wife

and she's gonna
cook me my dinner!

And I'm staying right here
until she does.

[speaking in foreign language]

Look, Wilma, this
has gone far enough.

[chuckles]
He's biting her ear.

Wilma!

Hmm, Qui Voi.

My dinner-o, remember?

Food-o, me-o?

(Wilma)
'I can't. What about Roberto?'

Look, at least he had
an ear to nibble on.

I ain't had anything!
I'm hungry!

(man on TV)
'We'll return to our
movie right after'

'this word from our sponsors.'

It's the commercial,
you've got 60 seconds.

[upbeat music]

screech

- One ice cube.
- One ice cube coming down.

splash

a-a-achoo

[sniffling]

When will people
learn to close doors?

thud

boing

(man on TV)
'And now, back to our movie.'

You made it.

chomp

[speaking in foreign language]

What did he say?
What did he say?

I don't know, but I sure
like the way he said it.

Oh, look.

He's taking her
in his arms.

(woman on TV)
'No, no, no, Mario.'

(Mario on TV)
'Si, si, si, Anna.'

He's going to kiss her!

(man on TV)
'And now, the weather.'

'In the Rocky Mountains, cloudy.

In the Cloudy Mountains, rocky.

In the..

[both panting]

He takes a lot out
of a woman, doesn't he?

Imagine being married
to a man like that.

Oh, we mustn't talk like this.

I mean, he's attractive
and dashing and all that.

But I have Fred.

'And he's...he's..'

[snoring]

He's, well..

Did you ever kiss a man
with a moustache?

Uh-huh!

And you've never
really kissed a man

until you've kissed
one with a filter.

[chuckling]

[Fred mumbling]

[snoring]

(Betty)
'I better be getting home.'

I wonder what Fred would
look like with a filter.

I-I mean, a mustache.

toing

Ouch! Hey, those things
don't grow on trees, you know.

[snoring continues]

'I just wonder.'

[snoring continues]

[choking]

Huh? Huh, what?
What's up? What you doing?

Nothing, Fred.

'Oh, you're talking to me now.'

Well, I'm not
talking to you.

Oh, you're not jealous
of Roberto, are you?

Jealous? Huh!
Over that phony baloney?

Just because he is attractive
and tall and dark and handsome?

I am not listening.

But then so are you.

Look, Wilma, I..

Well, I-I'm...
I'm not that tall.

Uh, remember how good-looking
you were in high school?

[Fred chuckling]

(Fred)
'I was, wasn't I?'

You could be more so.
Lose a little weight.

'Get some nice clothes
and maybe even grow a mustache.'

A mustache.

(Wilma)
'A mustache.'

'Plus, all the other things
you have to start with.'

- Oh, go on, Wilma.
- You'd be a knockout, Fred.

She's right, you know.

There he is, Mr. Wonderful.

Yabba dabba doo!
You crazy kid.

Mirror mirror on the wall,
who's the fairest..

Oh, but we both know the answer.

And how..

...can you imagine

all this and a mustache too?

[crackling]

[mirror shattering]

That does it.

I gotta give this stuff up.

clink

[Wilma humming]

No mail today,
Mrs. Flintstone.

[humming continues]

- Hiya, Wilma.
- Why, Barney and Betty.

Where have you two been lately?

Barney had to go
on a business trip.

And at the last minute
I decided to go with him.

(Wilma)
'Come on in for coffee.'

(Barney)
'The trip did us a lot of good.
I'm a changed man.'

Fred's a little
changed too.

- Oh, you mean he's fatter?
- It's more than that.

Oh, Fred!

(Fred)
'Coming, bellissima,
my pink Petunia'

'fairest of the fair.'

Hey, is that guy on TV again?

Oh, what an extremely pleasant
circumstance to see you again.

Particularly
the bellissima Betty.

Enchante.

And my
buon confidante Bernardo.

'I trust your expedition
was enjoyable.'

' Funiculi, Funicula
and all that.'

Ah, there she is.

Light of my life.

My own radiant
little dew drop.

Buongiorno, my sweet.

Mmm..

(Barney)
'Fred. Fred.'

Is it really you?

But of course, dear boy.

And that mustache,
is it real?

Si, si. It is real.

You grew it yourself?

No, I had help, I called in
a Japanese gardener.

- I'll fix some coffee.
- I'll go with you.

[door opens and closes]

The girls are gone.
You can talk regular now, Fred.

But this is my normal voice.

(Barney)
'Oh, you got a sore throat?'

No, I don't have
a sore throat.

(Barney)
'Then why're you wearing that
bandage on your neck?'

This old man is an ascot.

- A-what's-cot?
- 'An ascot, ol' boy.'

Nothing unusual.
All us Casanovas wear them.

But this isn't
like you, Fred.

Uh, it is, this is me.

The real Fred Flintstone
coming out.

It's been inside of me
all the time.

You mean, all this time
you've had an ingrown mustache?

Don't scoff, Bernardo.

Why, if everyone
was like you

we'd be back
in the Stone Ages.

But how in the world
did you get Fred to do it?

Oh, a little flattery,
you know.

'He does look kind of cute,
don't you think?'

[whirring]

'Isn't instant
coffee wonderful?'

(Betty)
'Yeah.'

But, Wilma, aren't you
afraid other women

will find Fred attractive?

Other women?

Oh, come on, Betty.

'He's still the same old Fred.'

[crackling]

I don't know. With his
new manners and appearance..

I hadn't
really thought.

No, no.
It can never happen.

And so, Bernardo,
a bit of grooming

and my natural good looks
has paid off handsomely.

[doorbell rings]

[Dino barking]

Go back, Dino. Back boy.
You're not supposed to go out.

Cave-in Cosmetics calling.

Is the lady of the house
at home?

One moment, fair lady.

I will summon her sweetness
from the cuisine.

[Dino barking]

Ah!

- 'What was that scream?'
- Well, that was her.

She took one look at Fred
and then she sorta fell for him.

[Barney laughing]

'Hey, I'll get her some water
to break the spell.'

(Fred)
'Oh, she'll be alright.'

But now I must dash
for the omnibus

and get off to work.

I'll buzz you later
my bella pizza blossom.

Meanwhile..

muah

Stay sweet.

Strange. Very strange.

She took one look at him
and fell right into his arms.

Sorry, folks. The bus
doesn't stop here anymore.

It stops at
that other corner.

'There's one now, but you'll
have to run for it.'

I still can't
believe that Fred

could have this
effect on a woman.

No? Take a look outside.

- Stop! Stop!
- Wait for me!

Hold it!

Now do you believe me?

Oh, Betty, what have I done?

I've created a monster.

- 'Fred, I've been thinking.'
- Yes, my dear.

I talked you into
all these new clothes

your debonair personality,
that mustache.

And it wasn't really fair.

Oh, think nothing of it, my dear

I shall be eternally grateful.

I mean, if you don't want
to wear that gimmicky mustache--

Oh, it's fine.
Everybody seems to like it.

- Goodnight, Wilma.
- Goodnight, Fred.

Everybody? Who's everybody?

Fred?

Can it be
possible, Frederico

that you feel
this way too?

Si, signorina,
compromesso.

I'll will tell you in song.

[singing in foreign language]

That's him!

- There he is!
- Frederico!

I hate to leave you, my turtle,
but the gondola is drifting.

It's time to row.

I understand.

[grunting]

O sole mio, Frederico.

- I've got him!
- Wait for me!

- No, no, wait for me!
- Come back!

Run, Fred. Run, run.

[upbeat music]

Uh, we meet again

my adored mademoiselle
from Armentieres.

Uh, Monsieur Frederick.

But this is dangerous.

If the king my father--

Your father, poo-poo.

[speaking in foreign language]

[speaking in foreign language]

[laughing]

Oh, Freddy guard.
Here zey come.

[laughing]

[gulps]

Fear not, mademoiselle.
Merely observe.

Voila! Take zat.

Well, what do you know,
they took it.

- Get him!
- Isn't he adorable?

'Do not run away, Cheri.'

(Wilma)
Run, Fred. Run, run.

Run, they're after you,
Fred. Run.

I-I'm running, Wilma.
I'm running. I'm running.

Where-where to? W-w-why?

I'm sorry, Fred,
I was just having a dream.

Oh, was that all?

Well, so was I.

(man on radio)
'And now the Breakfast News.'

'Police last night
discovered the whereabouts'

'of Mrs. H.I. Pebble's
husband, Ralph.'

'He had run away to Rockapulco
with his secretary.'

'He was identified
when he appeared'

'in a barber shop
to get his mustache trimmed.'

'The lady barber took one
look at his mustache and..'

Buongiorno, buongiorno,
fairest of the fair.

You look simply ravishing.

Ugh.

You're beautiful
when you say ugh.

Read your paper, Fred.

[Fred chuckling]

What's that headline?

"Husband leaves wife

shirks duty to go
rooty-tooty with cutie."

Ugh.

There we are,
ready for another day.

Yabba...dabba dabba doo.

- Fred, not with that flower.
- Huh?

'Uh, very unhealthy you know.
Hay fever.'

'And you got some coffee
on your mustache.'

- You better shave it off.
- Shave off my mustache?

Well, I can't send it
to the cleaners.

Oh, it's nothing, my dear.
Hardly noticeable.

Hello, Bettissima.

[Betty giggling]

Hello, Latin lover.

Alright, alright,
but you're making a mistake.

You'd never catch me wearing
a mustache like that.

- And, Fred.
- Yes, my sweet.

Your hair is all wrong.

It-it should be casual.

'There, that's better.'

[telephone ringing]

Darling, I can't play now.
Gotta grab the phone.

Well, how is it having
a Latin lover around the house?

It's just awful.

Buongiorno, villa Flintstone.

Flintstone, get over
to my house

and take my wife to the airport.

To the airport,
my pleasure boss, Mr. Slate.

We're leaving on the ten o'clock
plane to Rockapulco.

A surprise visit
to see her mother.

'I'll meet you at the airport.'

Be there, I'll call her now.

'And tell her to expect me.'

- Arrivederci.
- Arrivederci.

Arrivederci?

Has he been eating garlic again?

Wilma, you must be mistaken.
Fred, isn't the playboy type.

But he's changed.

Nonsense, it's your imagination
and you're overtired.

Now be sensible, Wilma.

Fred just isn't
like that one bit.

Maybe, you're right.
I guess, I have been silly.

I'm gonna go right in and tell
him how foolish I've been.

Imagine me suspecting Fred.

(Fred)
'Yes, it'll be quite a surprise
to your mother.'

'In fact, to everybody.'

'I'm sure nobody suspects.'

'Are your suitcases packed?'

'Fine, I shall be there
in five minutes.'

'Oh, your husband is busy
at the office.'

Yes, I'm sure of it.

It'll be wonderful.

Rockapulco is in its loveliest
this time of the year.

My wife? Oh, she's fine.

If I could just keep her
out of my hair.

[laughing]

'I'll be right over.
Subito if not sooner.'

Oh, you poor dear.
What are you going to do?

I don't know.
But I'm not giving up.

No, sir. I'm gonna
fight for my man.

screech

Uh-oh, here comes Fred.

And I've just got to go
with him somehow.

Yabba dabba doo
and Rockapulco too

[scatting]

Hop in my humble coach,
lovely lady

whilst I fetch
these mere bagatelles.

Oopsie-daisy.

(Wilma)
'Ow.'

Hmm, gotta get
them springs oiled.

Rockapulco, here we come.

screech

Ah, my good fellow,
fetch those things from the car

'to Pterodactyl Airlines.'

(Wilma)
'Ow.'

Follow that couple. Hurry.

There it is.

It's a beauty, ain't it?

whoosh

screech

[screeching]

(male announcer)
'Attention please.'

'Pterodactyl Airlines
announces the departure'

of its ten o'clock dactyl.'

'Passengers should
board at Gate 5.'

'The public is cautioned
to avoid all aircraft'

'during refueling.'

'Because sometimes they mistake
passengers for fuel.'

I shall go see if the signor
is at the ticket counter.

I see you got here
in one piece.

What? Oh, yes.

- I'm Fred Flintstones wife.
- How do you do?

- I'm--
- I know, I know. You're..

[groaning]

Oh, is anything the matter?

Oh. No, nothing.

It's just where
Fred kicked me

'during his usual morning rage.'

He kicked you?
But that's terrible.

Oh, it's better than those
beatings on the head.

See here, last week.
11 stitches.

Well, it was nice of you
to come down and see us off.

Well, Fred's last wife
saw us off.

So I thought I'd do
as much for you, Phyllis.

But name isn't Phyllis.

Oh, I'm sorry,
I keep forgetting.

Let's see.

Phyllis is his girl
in Rockford.

And Janet's in Blackstone.

Bubbles in Marblehead.
Susan in Clifton.

And you're going
to Rockapulco.

You're sure you wanna
go through with it?

Yes, I guess so.

Wilma, what is this?

Oh, Fred, don't do it.

I tried to be a good wife.
Really, I have.

Just give me one more chance.

- Everything all set?
- E-everything's fine, boss.

You, uh, ahem, you've
met my wife, Wilma.

How do you do?

Come on, Harry. We've got
to get on that plane.

You mean, you're
not going, Fred?

Wilma darling.

Why would the boss
and his wife want me along?

His wife? Then she isn't..

Then you're not...
or haven't been in..

And you won't..

The boss' wife?

plonk plonk plonk

Oh, boy.

Well, I sure learned
not to try to make you

something you're not.

It may come as
a surprise to you

but I am not
the Latin lover type.

And you know
who kept his head

through all my
highfalutin years?

Barney. He tried
to talk me out of it.

He certainly did.

I'm gonna tell him,
I've come to my senses. Come on.

Betty, I've come
to tell Barney--

Ah, buongiorno.

How nice to have
you all call.

Frederico, you lookin' mighty

Che ne sai quoi.

And there's is my
little pasta fazool.

Aloha, honey lamb. Aloha.

(Fred)
'Barney, Barney,
it-it don't work.'

I'm back to the old
Fred Flintstone, see.

And I'm shaving off
the mustaccio.

No kidding?
Okay, then I'll quit too.

We'll settle
for the old Barney.

And the old Fred.

But how did you grow
that mustache so quick?

- Well, I took a shortcut.
- A shortcut?

muah

Sure. You see what I mean?

Buongiorno, everybody.

[all laughing]

[theme music]

creak

[yawning]

[music continues]

[clinks]

boing

thud

[rattling]

Wilma!

[banging on door]

'Wilma!'

'Come on, Wilma,
open the door.'

'Wilma!'

[music continues]