The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 2, Episode 20 - Feudin' and Fussin' - full transcript

Fred and Barney's latest spat results in Barney's decision to sell his house. A rich Texan is very interested in the property, and Fred must come up with a scheme to keep his old buddy as his neighbor.

[clattering]

(Wilma)
'Fred, what are you doing?'

(Fred)
'Everything, everything
I was foolish enough'

to borrow from Barney,
I am returning.

I don't want to be indebted
on him for anything.

(Barney)
'If I know Fred,
he'll never apologize.'

And I have a feeling,
he will

before I finish
these rockile socks.

(Fred)
'Hey, Barney.'

Betty, he's back to apologize.
The feud's over.

See, I told you.



(Barney)
'Coming Fred.'

[door opens]

'Hi ya, Fred.'

[crashing]

Did you get the license
of that truck?

[theme music]

[cars honking]

[whistling]

[tires screeching]

[siren blaring]

[whistling]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]



thud

bang

bang

Good morning, Wilma.

(Wilma)
'Good morning, Betty.'

(Betty)
'What are you up to
this bright Saturday morning?'

Some chocolate chip
dinosaur cookies.

Mmm, those are my favorite kind.

You don't have to get
in line, Betty.

They're Fred's favorite too.

Oh, they look
just delicious, Wilma.

By the way,
where is Fred?

Shh, Fred's in there napping.

Trying to relax away
the tensions.

Today is the play-off
for the large golf

semi-finals or something
in Fred's division.

Oh, how's Fred doing?
Improving?

- Last month he broke seventy.
- 'Strokes?'

Clubs. You know
Fred's temper, Betty.

(Fred)
'Thank you. Thank you.'

[snoring]

'Thank you.'

Hm, sounds like he's
in a happy mood now.

Yeah, I better take a look
and see if he's alright.

(Fred)
'I shall cherish this lovely
trophy, Mr. Chairman..'

[snoring]

Friends, fellow lodge members,
athletes

until my dying day, I..

[snoring]

He's dreaming that he won
the golf match.

My opponent Willis Match,
Charlie Plumber stone

put up a good fight
and was ahead for a while

but as the hula dancer said,
"It's how you wind up the cows."

[laughing]

[snoring]

[Betty giggling]

He even dreams corny.

Come on, let's
let him relax

until the time comes
to face reality.

[snoring]

Hmm, his eyes maybe asleep
but his nose is wide awake.

Fred sure can snore up
a storm, Wilma.

[Betty giggling]

I've got to wake him
in time for his match.

- What time is it now?
- Oh, let's see.

It's a quarter to--

(Fred)
'Fore.'

Oh, dear, I didn't know
it was that late.

Oh, it isn't that late.

That's Barney out there
trying to improve his game.

(Betty)
'So he can play with Fred.'

Fore.

Fore.

Fore. Uh-oh.

bam

There must be an easier
way to do this.

Well, he's using his head.
We can say that for him.

They sure are great buddies,
our husbands.

Hmm. Barney says,
when they made Fred

they threw away the mold.

Wise move.

The world isn't ready for more
than one Fred Flintstone.

At least not yet.

[instrumental music]

"How to play golf?"

Let me see.

Oh, yes. Here we are.

"Hit ball where it lies."

"Do not move ball
or you will lose a stroke."

(Betty)
'"Hit ball where it lies?"
Yeah, I know that.'

Uh, let's see here.

Even if it's wedged
between two trees?

"Yep, even if it is wedged
between two trees."

Hey, I better use my
number 11 for this shot.

Looks like a real tough one.

thwack

Yeah!

[snoring]

thud

[snoring]

Hmm, another tough shot.

Guess, I'll use the same club.

[Fred snoring]

thwip

Fore.

Fore.

Barney.

You are not supposed
to move it, Fred.

- 'Now it's under the bed.'
- Are you out of your mind?

Sorry, Fred.
I gotta play it by the book.

- Barney.
- Yeah, Fred?

'Did you say something, Fred?'

thud

- Oh, hello, Barney.
- Hello, Wilma.

Fred, better get up or you'll be
late for your golf..

(Wilma)
'Where did Fred go, Barney?'

Oh, he was right here
about a minute ago.

Then puff. He vanished!

Well, back to my golf game.

Uh, let's see now.
Head down, left arm straight.

Swing the club head back,
smooth and slow.

(Barney)
'Then pause.'

Don't you know,
it ain't..

bang

thud

...safe to practice golf indoor.

Somebody might get hurt.

thud

Fred. Fred, open your eyes.

- Say something. Anything.
- I'll say something.

You should be declared
a disaster area.

'This is gonna be
one of those days'

I can feel it in my skull.

But you were going
to play your golf match.

I'm going now.
I'm due to tee off.

Oh, boy. Ten minutes ago.

You better hurry, Fred,
or you'll never make it.

'Yeah, so long, Barney.'

Hope that car of mine
will start okay.

Uh, Fred. Fred.
Hold it, Fred. H-Hold it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
what is it?

- Good luck, Fred.
- 'Oh, brother.'

[sneezing]

- 'Uh, Fred. Fred, Fred.'
- Now what?

- Gesundheit, Fred.
- What's the matter with you?

Now I'm really late
for the tee off.

[telephone ringing]

I better answer it.

[engine revving]

Hello? Who?
Charlie Plumber stone?

Oh, yeah, Charlie.
Uh-huh.

Alright Charlie,
I'll tell him.

Fred. Fred!
Wait, wait!

Barney, cut that stuff out.
I got a golf match to play.

- 'Fred, stop.'
- No time for that.

Go home, Barney.

Fred, listen,
it's about the golf game.

I know, I know.

You already wished me luck
and my cold is all better too.

But you don't understand, Fred.

Get lost, Barney.
I'm late.

Boy, isn't that gonna be
a pest.

Eh, s-slow down, Fred.

[tires screeching]

[panting]

- Fred.
- 'Okay, what?'

I, you, he.

Wa-wa-wait until
I catch my breath.

'You do that, Barney.'

I'll tee off
in the mean time

and maybe I'll catch up
with Charlie.

T-That's what I wanted
to tell you, Fred.

C-Charlie's, Charlie called
and h-he said

he couldn't make it today.

Alright, so he couldn't make it.

Fore!

Sounded like, you said,
Charlie couldn't make it.

That was the phone call
at the house.

Plumby said,
he'll play you next week.

Now he tells me.

'Oh, I tried
to tell you before.'

Excuses, excuses,
always excuses.

Fred, I'm-I'm sorry.

But, I tried to tell you.

Okay, so you did.

You're not responsible
for the things you do.

I guess, it's because
you're a, uh..

Absent-minded?

Wrong thinking?

Stupid?

'Silly?'

Back up, you just passed it.

Oh, stupid?

Eh, that's not very nice, is it?

You say you're sorry.

Okay, I'm sorry
you're stupid.

I'll see you later, Fred.

Didn't sound like much
of an apology somehow.

(Fred)
'Got the table all set for our
bridge game, Wilma.'

You're almost through
with the dishes?

'All through, Fred.
Be right in.'

Just can't wait
till they invent them faucet.

- Okay, deal.
- Rubble's aren't here yet.

And probably won't come.
Deal.

What do you mean won't come?

Betty and Barney know
it's our weekly bridge game.

- You hurt Barney's feelings.
- 'I hurt Barney's feelings?'

Yes, this afternoon.
Deal.

'We'll play
two handed tonight.'

Hold it! Hold it!
Who said so?

I got the story from Betty
who got it from Barney.

Deal.

Everybody's got
the story, but me.

What is this thing I'm supposed
to have done to Barney?

'Insulted him.'

I always insult Barney.
He's my best friend.

Well, I don't insult strangers.

But today you went too far.

Chewing him out for that
Charlie Plumber Stone game

that was called off.

Calling him stupid.

But Barney knows
I didn't mean what I said.

How does Barney know
you don't mean it?

Because, because
he knows I'm...me.

Maybe he'd know for sure,
if you told him.

You mean apologize?

'Ooh, I said a nasty word.'

Well, if that's
what Barney wants, okay.

You mean, you will apologize?

What's with the big amazement?
When I'm wrong, I'm wrong.

And I'm big enough
to admit it.

Oh, Fred. I always wanted
to hear you to say that.

And it finally happened.

This is going to make Barney
very happy and me too, Fred.

Fine, fine. Call him up
and tell him.

- Huh?
- That I'm sorry.

And for him to get over here
on the double

and stop holding up our game.

You insulted him,
you tell him.

'Me? What's the difference
who tells him?'

All the difference
in the world.

Oh, alright. I'll-I'll
call him on the phone.

- What's his number?
- 'Fred.'

Yeah.

Live in person.

I wish there was something else
we men could marry.

Barney.

(Barney)
'Yeah, Betty.'

This should show Mr. Flintstone,
that some people

just refuse
to be pushed around.

Yeah. I got feelings.
I'm a people.

Pride is more important
than fun, bowling together

bridge together.
Yeah, I'm sure Fred's sorry.

Hey, come on let's go
we're holding up the game.

- 'Barney.'
- Yes, Betty?

Barney Rubble,
are you a man or a mouse?

'Oh, that's a silly question.'

[squeaking]

Oh, brother.

I don't want Fred to be sour
at me for holding up the game.

Better that,
than lose his respect.

And you'll never have it
from Fred

unless you refuse
to be treated like a nothing.

Right.
Fred apologizes or..

[knocking on door]

(Betty)
'Who's there?'

(Fred)
'It's me, Fred.'

It's Fred, Betty.
It's Fred. Hi ya, Fred.

Start dealing.

(Betty)
'Barney.'

'You're not exactly playing
hard to get.'

'Now sit down
and act nonchalant.'

'The door's open,
Mr. Flintstone.'

- Hi, Barn.
- Hi.

(Fred)
'Barney.'

- Yeah?
- 'I'm sorry, Barney.'

'Now come on, you're holding up
the bridge game.'

Coming, Fred.

(Betty)
'Barney.'

- Fred said, he was sorry.
- Sorry for what, Fred?

(Fred)
'You know,
this afternoon stuff.'

Now come on, the cards
are all dealt.

You don't sound like it,
does he, Barney?

Uh...No.

(Fred)
'Like what I don't sound?'

Yeah, like what
he don't sound?

(Betty)
'Like you're really sorry,
Fred.'

Yeah, that's it, Fred.

Well, I said, I was sorry.
What do you want a speech?

Well, that wouldn't be
necessary, Fred.

Hey-yey. Hey-yey.
I, Fred Flintstone

hereby confess that I'm sorry
I lend into my neighbor

Barney Rubble for the stupid
things he did.

- There you go again.
- Well, Mr. Flintstone--

Well, what?

(Betty)
'Don't you think you should
apologize?'

Sorry, I'm cutting down.
Only one apology to a customer.

bang

Fred just can't say
the words, Betty.

He's got like...pride.

And so do you, Barney.

If Fred is worthy
of your friendship

he'll apologize from his heart,
not just from his mouth.

[clattering]

(Wilma)
'Fred, what are you doing?'

(Fred)
'Everything, everything
I was foolish enough'

to borrow from Barney,
I am returning.

I don't want to be indebted
to him for anything.

Aren't you being pig-headed.
The way I understand it--

(Fred)
'You're supposed to be my wife.'

'You are supposed
to understand it my way.'

Wouldn't it be easier just
to forget the whole thing

and bury the hatchet?

Barney already buried it
right where it hurts.

(Barney)
'If I know Fred,
he'll never apologize.'

And I have a feeling
he will, before I finish

these rockile socks.

(Fred)
'Hey, Barney.'

Betty, he's back
to apologize.

- The feud's over.
- See, I told you.

(Barney)
'Coming, Fred.'

[door opens]

'Hi ya, Fred.'

[crashing]

Did you get the license
of that truck?

It's six days and Fred
hasn't said a word to me.

Oh, he wouldn't hold
that much longer.

I've got a feeling
he'll apologize real soon.

I kinda miss him talking to me.

Even if it's only an insult.

You just hold out, Barney.

He's got to learn
that people have feelings.

It used to be nice
ridin' in together

and a daily gin rummy games.

He still has those.

(Betty and Barney together)
'With who?'

With who? With his greatest
admirer, himself.

Take a look in the window.

(Fred)
'Boy, what a hand.
Looks like I got you.'

Yep, my friend,
this does it. Gin!

[laughing]

That's the third hand
he's won in a row.

So, what kind
of winning is that?

Beating yourself.

For Fred,
winning is all what counts.

Nine days!
Guess, Fred was right.

He can get along without
his former best friend.

He'll give in, Barney,
eventually.

Yeah, he can go off alone,
swim alone

but our favorite sport,
badminton.

He can't play that alone.

Well, it ain't easy.

Come over here
and take a look.

All set, pal.

thwack

Nice shot, Flintstone.

pew

A beauty, Freddy boy.

'Good one boy.'

Yee-yabba-dabba-doo!

You win again, Flintstone.

Have a nice game, dear?

[panting]

Too wonderful for words, eh?

You wouldn't have
to go through all this

if you'd just tell Barney.

If, if anybody is
gonna apologize

it's gonna be
that stubborn old..

I-I can hold on
as long as him.

Longer.

thud

You're sure this is the way
you want it, Barney?

I'm not living next door
to somebody

as unfriendly as,
if you pardon the expression

Fred Flintstone.

- But, Barney, maybe--
- 'No maybe, if's.'

'Hello, Quickstone
Real Estate company?'

You're right, sir.
Sam Quickstone talking.

What, sir?

You want to sell your house?

Yes, sir, Mr. Rubble. We sell
faster and for more money too.

Be at your place pronto.

He'll be right here
to look the place over.

[hammering]

Well, you sure
got here fast.

In the real estate racket

you can't let grass grow
beneath your feet.

Hmm, there's a joke
in there somewhere.

Oh, well. Shall we have a glance
at this little gem of a home?

(Betty)
'This way, Mr. Quickstone.'

Oh, yes, yes.
Thank you.

Modern, modern,
very modern.

Wall-to-wall grass.

How's the real estate market
now, Mr. Quickstone?

Way, way up,
if you're buying.

If you're selling,
you take an awful beating.

We're very anxious
to get out fast.

You see my neighbor Fred--

But the gentlemen
isn't interested

in our troubles, Barney.

Um, what do you think
we can get for this house?

Well, we'll ask
for a firm 10,000.

(Betty and Barney together)
'10,000?'

And sell for a firm five.

(together)
'Huh?'

Unless they won't go
any higher than three.

(together)
Firm?

Like the rock of Gibraltar.

[tires screeching]

Hi, there folks.

Just happened to be driving
past your spread.

and I saw
the "For sale" sign.

What's your asking
for the place?

Well, we thought
about a firm--

20,000.

But you said--

It's cheap at that price,
dirt cheap.

Just wander through
this gorgeous

Texas type
plantation, sir.

Feast your eyes on its decor.
Done in early Alamo.

Just the kind of spread
I've been looking for.

Something cozy.
Just sold my place in Dallas.

- 'Rambling Farmhouse.'
- Too big, huh?

(male #1)
'Ramble too far.'

'Gary Houston.
I'll just mosey on to'

if you all don't mind.

[laughing]

Don't we Texans talk funny?

Mm-hm. Oh, my. He's a cinch
to buy the place.

Uh, 20,000?

Which Texans like
to over pay?

But how do you know
he's rich?

Everybody in Texas
is rich, Barney.

It's some kind of Texas law.

Nice. Mighty nice.

(Mr. Quickstone)
'And it's a real bargain
at 10,000.'

Uh, one thing bothers
me though..

(Mr. Quickstone)
'Let's deal at 8000.'

I-it's the roof.
Does it leak?

- Only when it rains.
- 7000. We'll take it.

Take your husband out of here
before he mixes this deal.

Uh, let's go for a walk, dear,
and leave this boring

matter of money
to Mr. Quick stone.

I think he's really interested
in buying.

Yeah, I guess so.
I'm gonna miss Fred, Betty.

'I'll miss Wilma too, Barney.'

Yeah, we'll just drift apart
and never see each other again.

You haven't touched
you lunch, Fred.

I'm not hungry.

'You can't live
without eating.'

What's so great about living?

Oh, you really miss Barney,
don't you?

Do I act like I can't get along
without Barney?

- Yes.
- 'Well, I can.'

'And let's not keep hopping on
the subject.'

Sure, dear. Sure.

Oh, while I fix the coffee,
I thought you'd like

to look over
this old album I found.

Just for laughs.

Where did you
find this old relic?

In the cellar.

Oh, Fred. Isn't that
a picture of you and Barney

taken a long long time ago.

Yeah, his mother used to walk us
both in the park.

How sad you've drifted apart.

Two men who were friends
from boyhood.

Look, Wilma, our old
scout picture.

We were together always.

[Fred sobbing]

And this one, Fred.

Yeah, that's Barney
during the war.

Taking me to the camp hospital
when I fell off the desk.

'Not one of your
best pictures, Fred.'

Well, you can't smile
when you're wounded

with a paper clip on your foot.

What a shame.

This beautiful friendship ended
because Barney

is a stubborn old goat.

Don't say that about my pal.
Barney's tops.

'Why don't you tell
Barney that, Fred?'

I will and right now.

Yes, sir.
4000's mighty cheap

for this lovely aboard.

(Fred)
'Barney. Barney,
where are you, pal?'

Mr. and Mrs. Rubble
have gone out.

Oh, thanks. I'm Fred Flintstone,
Mr. Rubble's neighbor.

Yes, well, as I was saying.

You couldn't buy a nicer house
than this Mr. Yipee I. O. Rock

Did I hear that somebody's
buying this house?

Well, sir. I have made up
my mind completely.

My best friend Barney,
selling his house because of me.

Say, maybe that Texan
won't buy the house.

No, the look in his eyes,
that's a house buyer look.

Now think Flintstone, think.

How do you convince a guy
not to buy a house?

I got it.
Good thinking Flintstone.

Yeah, the bad neighbor policy.

I'll sign for the place, sir.

I was a bit worried
about buying it

till I met
that Fred Flintstone.

Sounds like a real
fine top neighbor.

Real nice. Yes, real nice.

Just chip right here
on the dotted line.

I'll fill in the details later.

[drumbeats]

What's that?

Sounds like a stampeding herd
of longhorn

Texas water buffalo.

Probably lightening
and thunder, sir.

- The sign.
- The thunder with a beat?

[drumbeats]

(Fred)
'Howdy neighbor,
just practicing up.'

'I'm the member of the Bedrock
Fife and Drum Corps.'

You don't bang those everyday
afternoon, do you?

No, no. Most of the time
I practice at night.

All night while my neighbors
are sleeping.

[laughing]

- 'Or trying to.'
- I see.

Freeze right where you are.

I got to get some out
of my car.

[blowing long horn]

I played in the long horn band
back home.

If I practice day and night
maybe I can join

'your group here,
friend and neighbor to be.'

Oh, boy.

Sign right here, sir.

Wasn't sure about buying
until I found out

that Flintstone and me
have something in common.

Our love for music.

[knocking on door]

Good afternoon, I'm
with the freeway commission.

You know putting in new roads,
speed up traffic.

You're the owner
of this property?

Well, he was about to buy.

You mean traffic might be
coming close to this house?

Uh-huh.

Uh, how close?

(Fred) 'Shouldn't trouble you
too much, sir.'

Of course, it might be
a little bother

opening and closing
the front and back door

all day and night.

- Opening and closing the doors?
- For the cars.

The freeway is going right
through about here.

Through the house?

Somebody is making
an awful mistake.

You're so right.

Any this poor sap who's thinking
of buying this joint.

Just a gag, sir.

They don't put freeway
right through the houses.

[car honking]

Just making a ride
run in advance

to check the route.

Of course, you realize
you'll have to widen.

the front and back door
for two-way traffic

'you understand?'

I'm not buying any house
with a road

going through the middle.

Not even for a $1000.

Well, we'll take
into consideration

the slight inconvenience.
How about five hundred?

Looks like he changed
his mind

about buying, Mr. Quickstone.

And I did about handling
the deal.

You didn't tell me a freeway
was going through your house.

- 'Goodbye.'
- A Freeway?

[Fred laughing]

A freeway and he fell for it.

Fred, what are doing
with that cooky outfit on?

You cooked up that
freeway story, Fred?

So as we couldn't sell
the house.

Why, Fred?
What did you do that for?

Because I didn't want
you to move.

Not my best friend,
bosom buddy

and constant companion,
whom I almost lost

because I have been
a stupid, nutsy dope.

You're only saying
that because it's true.

But I never expected
to hear it from you.

Well, I never thought
I'd hear Fred Flintstone

say those words.
Admit everything.

I never thought
I'd hear it.

Well, I got a great big fat
surprise for all of you.

[giggling]

Neither did I.

[laughing]

[theme music]

toing

[yawning]

[clank]

thud

thud

bang

Wilma!

[banging on door]

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma,
open the door!

Wilma!