The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 2, Episode 19 - Wilma's Vanishing Money - full transcript

- Oh, uh, Clark.
- 'Oh, it's you again.'

I, uh, sorta changed my mind.

- Your what?
- 'My mind.'

Oh, that.

So, I brought the bowling
ball back. You see--

(Clark)
'I know, you'd like
to exchange it for brown.'

No, no, no, I wanna return it
and get my money back.

Your money back?

(Barney)
'You said it was on
a money-back guarantee.'

- I did?
- 'Yes, you did.'

Well, bite my tongue.



What's wrong with the ball?

Eh...my fingers
won't fit the holes.

They might if you wash them.

Now, what kind of
a crack was that?

Look, we just want our
money back, that's all.

(Clark)
'Alright, alright.
Don't get ugly.'

'Here's your money.'

'Cheapskate!'

[theme music]

[blows whistle]

screech

[siren blaring]

[blows whistle]

[tires screeching]



[music continues]

[tires screeching]

bam

wham

thud

pop

[music continues]

[humming]

snap

- Hi, Mrs. Flintstone.
- 'Good morning, Arnold.'

Can I watch your television?

'I wanna see the Rock Rough
Private Eye show.'

But that's an awful show.

I thought they
took it off the air.

At the last minute
they decided to make it

an hour long instead.

Well, how does
the table look, Arnold?

Very nice, Mrs. Flintstone.

In fact it's too good
for old jelly-belly.

Now, Arnold, you mustn't
use names like that.

Breakfast is ready,
jelly-belly..

Uh, I mean, Fred. Oh, dear.

'Can I watch your TV?
Huh, Mrs. Flintstone? Can I?'

Mmm, alright, Arnold.
But keep the sound down.

Until Mr. Flintstone has his
coffee, he's cross as a bear.

Check, Mrs. Flintstone.
Will do.

[growling]

[mumbling]

(Wilma)
'Good morning, Fred.'

[mumbling]

Okay. Sit down.

Heh, that's fine.
There's your coffee, dear.

[grumbling]

(Fred)
'Thanks.'

(Wilma)
'Oh, Fred, not that.
Here it is.'

[Fred grumbling]

(Wilma)
'That's right, Fred.'

'You'll feel better after
you've had your coffee.'

[slurping]

[clinking]

I'm fixing your egg, dear.

(Fred)
Give me two. I'm hungry.

'Sorry, there's no toast, Fred.
The toaster's broken.'

[gun firing on TV]

Now, Arnold, I told you
to keep the noise down.

(Arnold)
'Yes, Mrs. Flintstone.'

Arnold, just what do you
think you're doing?

Watching TV.

(Fred)
'Shut that racket off
and get outta here.'

Yes, Mr. Flintstone.

Why is that kid always
hanging around here?

Why can't he play outside
on the freeway?

Good morning, folks.

(Fred)
'Hi, Barney.'

(Wilma)
'Good morning, Barney.'

Hi, Wilma.

Betty was asking
if you're ready to go?

(Wilma)
'I'm just leaving.'

'Oh, Fred, could I have
my money for next week?'

Next week? I gave
you that last week.

But this week was
next week last week.

So all you gave me
was this week's.

So I need next week's.

(Fred)
'Eh, let me see
if I got this straight.'

You got next week's last week,
so this week is next week

this week and not
last week...aw..

- How much do you need?
- 'That'll do fine.'

(Wilma)
'Goodbye, boys.'

Very neat. Very neat indeed.

- Come on in, Barney.
- Yeah, sure, Fred.

I shoulda guessed.

Flowers on the table,
eggs for breakfast.

It always spells stick-up.

'Does Betty clean you out
like that, Barney?'

Well, yeah, but she's very fair.

'On herself she spends only
a fraction of what I make.'

Nine-tenths.

[Fred laughing]

Have some breakfast
if you don't mind eating

with a poverty-stricken man.

Well, uh, just some toast.

The toaster's on the fritz,
but I think I can fix it

if I can find a hairpin.

Hairpin? Why look at me, Fred?

[laughing]

I'll get one in the bedroom.

Sounds like a logical place
to look, Fred.

There's a big sale
at the dress shop too.

Not for me.

I'm getting only things
I really need

so, I can save up for
Fred's birthday present.

What are you
gonna get him?

That new bowling ball
he's been talking about.

It costs 49.98 and I've got
almost that much put away.

Wilma, I don't know
how you do it.

I don't know how
Wilma does it.

She can tell every time
I got an extra buck.

Uh, shall I get
a hairpin from Betty?

(Fred)
'No, no. There's bound
to be some here.'

Blouses, stockings, scarves,
money, slips, hankies..

Money?

Look at this. She said
she was broke and she's loaded.

Gee, Fred. That roll is big
enough to choke a brontosaurus.

I guess, she's been giving
you the old business.

- What business?
- The same old story.

She asks for 10, spends 5,
the other 5...fshk..

...right into the vault.
Happens every time.

'When women get married,
they promise to honor and obey'

but there's nothing
said about keeping

an honest set of books.

(Fred)
'Well let me tell you
something, Barn.'

'She's not gonna get away
with it, I'm gonna strike back.'

'I will show her.'

Oh, you mean
you won't fix the toaster?

'I mean she needs a lesson.'

I've been denying myself
things, but no more.

I'm gonna get that bowling ball
I've been wanting.

'What will Wilma say?'

Nothing because she
can't ever admit

she had the money. Ha ha ha.

It's perfect.

I get a free bowling ball,
and she pays the freight.

Boy will I
teach her a lesson.

Oh, yes. Let's see now.
Bowling balls.

Oh, yes, here it is, our best
seller and it's marked down.

Black, eh?

- Does it come in brown?
- 'Brown.'

- 'Did you say brown?'
- Yes.

(Clark)
'Here, brown.'

- What do you think, Barney?
- Gee, uh, I don't know, Fred.

You're right.
Black was better.

'Black? Here, black.'

- The first one was blacker.
- 'This is the first one.'

What do you think, Barney?

Well, come to think of it,
uh, the brown wasn't bad.

No, no, it wasn't.

Maybe, you'd rather have it in
baby blue to go with your eyes.

(Barney)
'How come these
are marked down?'

They've been slightly used
in tournament play.

(Fred)
'What shape is this ball in?'

Generally speaking, round.

What could I get that's
a little more catchy?

'I know. How 'bout the measles?'

How about the mea...
what is with this guy?

Look, cut out the comedy.

I wanna be treated
like a customer.

Alright, but you won't like it.

Let me see the best
one you got.

- You sure you can afford it?
- Afford it? Heh heh heh.

Barney, he wants to know
if I can afford it.

[laughing]

Look. I'm too busy for games.

[laughing continues]

(Fred)
'Does this look
like play money?'

[fast-paced music]

swish

Right here, sir.
The best in the house.

And a money-back guarantee.

I'll take it.
I'll take it.

Yamba damba damba
yamba damba damba

Yamba damba damba damba doo

Wha..

Oh, Fred, the most
terrible thing happened.

- We've been robbed.
- 'Robbed?'

That's right, robbed.

S-t-o-l-e-n.

Robbed. Forty five
smackaroos gone.

I've been saving it up for
months to buy a present for you.

'A present?'

Next week's your birthday.

'And I wanted to get you
a new bowling ball.'

It is, uh..

I-I-I mean, y-y-you were..

Oh, boy.

Your wife said you were
here after she left.

(Fred)
'Yeah, yeah,
tha-tha-that's right.'

But nothing happened.

I-I just stepped out
to the grocery store

to, uh-uh, get
some pumpernickel.

Here, Barney,
hold the pumpernickel.

Sure, Fred.

bam

Ee-e-e yo-o-ow!

Um, uh...ha ha ha.

Very heavy crust.

[laughing]

A very baffling case,
but we'll do our best

to find the crook.

Now, uh, let's not
get excited, Wilma.

Are you sure you didn't
misplace the money?

'That coulda happened.
She's done that before.'

'Leaves money all over the
place. Doesn't she, Barney?'

Uh, she does? Oh, oh, she does.

But I'm sure it was stolen.

Oh you know how
women are, officer.

It'll probably turn up.
You can forget the whole thing.

But I can't.
I wrote it down in ink.

(Wilma)
'Oh, Fred. This is terrible.'

Now, now. Don't be upset, honey.

'I-I tell you,
the money will turn up.'

You think so?

(Fred)
'Oh, it probably
wasn't stolen at all.'

Oh, yes it was.

(Fred)
'I told you
to get outta here.'

I've taken over the case.

- You have what?
- You're lucky.

I know all about these things

from the private eye
shows on TV.

You're gonna have a private eye
in eight shades of black.

(Wilma)
'Now, Fred, the boy
is just trying to help.'

I found a clue as to
the person who took it.

You have?

He was wearing a goatskin suit.

So what? Lots of people
wear goatskin suits.

With coffee stains?

Well, uh, who says goats
can't drink coffee?

And scrambled eggs?

Dum dadum dum

- You keep out of this, Barney.
- What's that?

(Wilma)
'Just a loaf of pumpernickel
Fred brought home.'

- What's it doing on the floor?
- How would you like to join it?

Now, Fred, please.

I'd just like to know
what he's trying to prove.

- That's a good question.
- 'Wilma, this kid's got to go.'

And preferably in
many tiny pieces.

Give me that pumpernickel.
I'll take it in the kitchen.

How about that, Barney?

She was saving that money
to buy a present for me.

Women. You just
can't trust them.

Well, I guess there's
only one thing to do.

Volunteer as an astronaut?

'No, I'll just tell her
what happened.'

'I was looking
through the dresser'

'for a hairpin
to fix the toaster'

saw her money and took it.

Being an astronaut is safer.

Look, Barney,
Wilma is intelligent.

I'll tell her everything.

She'll listen quietly
and maybe we'll both

have a little laugh
over the whole thing.

I don't know, Fred.

'She'll appreciate me
tellin' the truth, Barney.'

Remember that little boy who
chopped down the cherry tree?

And then when his
father asked who did it

he said, "I cannot
tell a lie. I did it."

- Then what happened?
- 'Nothing.'

'He had told the truth
and his father didn't do'

'a thing to him. Not a thing.'

How could he? The kid was
holding a hatchet at the time.

Oh-ho, Barney.

Well, if this happened to you,
wouldn't you tell your wife?

Sure. Except for one thing.

- What's that?
- Fear.

Wilma, I'd like
to tell you something.

- Oh, that terrible awful man.
- Who?

Anyone who would
take a woman's money

that she'd scrimped
and saved for..

Yeah, but--

'A person like that
is not fit to live.'

Honey, calm yourself. You see--

'Shooting is too good for him.
I hope they catch him.'

'I'd like to get my hands
on him. I'd show him.'

'What was it you
wanted to tell me?'

Well, I-I-I..

- What is it?
- Uh...uh..

I hope they catch
that awful crook too!

Hi, Fred.
Did you explain to Wilma?

I couldn't do it. I just
couldn't tell her, Barney.

Well, don't feel bad.

The life you saved
may have been your own.

- But what are we gonna do now?
- Well, maybe it'll blow over.

She'll forget after a while.
You know women.

Yeah, yeah, maybe so.

- Uh-oh, here comes Arnold.
- What now, Sherlock?

I've been looking
at the windows.

No sign of forceful entry.

So what?

And nothing else in
the room was disturbed.

The thief knew
right where to go.

So what?

(Arnold)
'So, it must be someone'

'who has been in the house
before and often.'

Uh, go ahead, Fred.
Say so what?

There's one break.

Those were new bills.

We can get the serial numbers
and have the stores alerted

to watch for anyone
spending them.

I'm gonna check on
that right now.

Did you ever have the feeling
that you were walking up

the gangplank and there
wasn't any ship?

But you know
the kid's clever.

Very clever.

And, uh, smart too.

Will you quit it?

This proves that TV
is very educational.

Who'd ever thought to look
for the serial numbers?

Hey, wait a minute.
That's it, that's it!

Why didn't I think of it before?

It was right there all the time.

- 'I got the perfect answer.'
- Hari-kari.

'Wilma's upset
because the money's gone.'

The police are upset
because the money's gone.

Arnold's nosing around
because the money's gone.

So, what do I do?

I still can't improve
on hari-kari.

'No, no, no.'

I just return the money.

We take back the bowling ball,
get the 45 clams

slip it into another
part of the drawer

and the problem is solved.

Uh, yeah. That might do it.

Well, Fred Flintstone,
you are thinking every minute.

You got to admit, I got
what it takes right here.

- Oh, uh, Clark.
- 'Oh, it's you again.'

I, uh, sorta changed my mind.

- Your what?
- 'My mind.'

Oh, that.

So, I brought the bowling
ball back. You see--

'I know, you'd like
to exchange it for brown.'

No, no, no. I wanna return it
and get my money back.

Your money back?

(Barney)
'You said it was on
a money-back guarantee.'

- I did?
- 'Yes you did.'

Well bite my tongue.

What's wrong with the ball?

Eh...my fingers
won't fit the holes.

They might if you wash them.

Now what kind
of a crack was that?

Look, we just want our
money back, that's all.

(Clark)
'Alright, alright,
don't get ugly.'

swish

'Here's your money.'

'Cheapskate!'

Hey, Fred. Open up.

Shh.

Hey, what's the matter?
Aren't we going bowling?

Sure, sure, but Wilma's asleep.
She went to bed early.

All the excitement I guess.

Hey, did you put the money back?

'I'm gonna do it right now.'

I wanted her
to fall fast asleep.

It'll only take a second.

- 'Goodnight, Fred.'
- Goodnight, dear.

- Huh? You're awake!
- Yes I am, Santa Claus.

'Now, now, honey. Give me
a chance to explain.'

I thought you'd try
something like this.

- 'So you know, huh?'
- Yes, Fred.

Wilma, I can't tell you
how sorry I am.

- Can you forgive me?
- Forgive you?

I think it's the sweetest thing
you've ever done in your life.

You mean you don't..

'You're the most wonderful
husband in the world.'

Putting back your own money
to make up for my carelessness.

Look, honey. I got
to tell you something.

You weren't robbed.
I took the money.

Now, why would you do that?

Well, I just happened
to come in.

- I-I needed a hairpin.
- 'To put up your hair?'

No, for the toaster.

You look so cute when
you're making up a story.

You've made me very happy,
Fred, being so considerate.

But I won't let you do it.
This money is yours.

'As for that awful man, I just
can't wait till they catch him.'

'And when I lay my hands on him,
you just watch me'

'I want you to be there
to see it.'

I will be, I will be.

Watch, Fred, I'll show you
my new sure-shot strike bowl.

Yeah, yeah.

'Yabba dabba doo.'

[rumbling]

[clanking]

Okay, Fred, your turn.

- Huh?
- I got a strike. Your turn.

'Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah.'

Hey, you're facing the wrong
way, Fred. Turn around.

'What? Oh, sure. Yeah.'

- 'Where's my bowling ball?'
- In your hand!

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, here goes.

ting

[crackling]

Guess we better quit, Fred.

Your mind's not on the game.

Oh, you are so right.

That kid, Arnold, playing
detective has got me worried.

I keep seeing me doing
20 years in the rock pile

for stealing my own money.

Come on, let's go.

If you only could get it
back to her somehow.

- 'Yeah, but how?'
- The car's in the back, Fred.

'We can cut up the alley.'

Of all the time for Wilma
to refuse to take money from me.

Uh, gentlemen, now if
you'll stop right there

and hold up your hands, please.

- Barney.
- Yes, Fred?

- It's a stick up.
- Hey, uh, wait a minute.

That's it!
This guy is a burglar.

Barney, this ain't
"What's My Line."

Well, he's just
the fellow we want.

I am wanted by a lot of people.

Fred, he could put it
back for you.

Put what?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yes, he could.

Uh, fellas, can we
get back to business?

It's getting late,
I'd like to close up shop, uh?

Say, pal, how would you like
to make a couple of bucks

the easy way?

Look, I apologize for
having a one-track mind

but couldn't we finish
the stick-up first

and talk business later?

Nope. I want you
to break into a house

leave money there and leave.

You want me to put
money in the house?

What are you trying to do?
Revolutionize my business?

- This is kinda special.
- But how can I face my family?

And what would
the boys downtown say?

(Barney)
'We wouldn't squeal.'

All you have to do
is break into the bedroom

put the money in a drawer
with this note

saying you're sorry you took it.

But I didn't take it.

That would be like
telling a fib.

Here's ten bucks for your
trouble and here's my address.

Now, tomorrow night
at 11 o'clock

I'll make sure
the house is empty.

Okay, tomorrow. 11 o'clock.
And you live at..

- Hey, wait a minute.
- 'What's the matter?'

This is all the way across town.

I get car fare too, you know.

- 'Okay, here.'
- Thank you.

Uh, thanks a lot.

I think drive-ins are fun.

Weren't those
love scenes terrific?

Yeah, the movie
wasn't bad either.

Say, anybody got the time?

It's 10:30, Fred.

- What time did you say?
- 10:30.

(Betty)
'What's the matter, Fred?'

(Fred)
'Ohh, nothing.
I just had an idea.'

'Let's go to the movies.'

But we just came
from the movies.

- 'It was a good picture.'
- So?

So it's worth seeing again.

(Wilma)
'Come on, Fred.
Stop clowning. Let's go home.'

Eh, eh, why don't we go have
dinner in a Chinese restaurant?

- Fred, it's bedtime.
- In China it's dinnertime.

[tires screeching]

Now, what's the matter?

Barney, hop out
and change that tire.

(Barney)
'Right, Fred.'

But it's not flat.

(Fred)
'Never pays to wait
until the last minute.'

(Barney)
'Patience, everybody.'

'Shouldn't take more
than a half an hour.'

What's the matter
with those two?

Honestly, Fred, I just
don't understand you.

Changing one tire was
bad enough, but all four?

'There wasn't
any reason for that.'

Believe me, Wilma,
there sure was.

'Fred, look!'

There's a light in our bedroom.

'Oh, we probably just
forgot to turn it out.'

- Fred!
- 'Yeah, what is it, dear?'

Look!

There's your man.
Nabbed him in the act.

(Wilma)
'You mean he's the robber?'

- 'That's right, ma'am.'
- Oh boy.

- You're sure he's the one?
- 'That's right, ma'am.'

He even had
the 45 skins on him.

Oh thank you, Arnold.
Now we better call the police.

Now, now, now, now, hold it,
hold it. Wait a minute.

L-l-let's, let's talk
to him first.

I get it.

Sweat out a confession,
then we call the cops.

Alright, crook, talk!

[mumbling]

- Take the gag off first.
- 'Check.'

Hold it. Hold it!

Let me handle this.

Now, just be calm, pal,
I'll get you out of this.

What kind of
a double-cross..

This may be tough.

You two better go
in the next room.

Oh, you awful robber!
You have to be taught a lesson.

'You should be ashamed
of yourself stealing'

'of all things, ugh!'

Hold it, hold it!

'What's this? A note.'

Listen, "Dear Lady,
I am returning your money

"I didn't mean to take it.
I am sorry.

Forgive me I did it only
to feed my four children."

You mean you were
returning this money?

[mumbling]

It could be a trick.

(Fred)
'Let's hear what he has to say.'

- Well, is this true?
- Would I lie to you?

- Did you hear that, Wilma?
- Better untie him, Fred.

I did it only for my
five starving little tots.

- Five?
- 'I-I mean four.'

And then there's
mother and dad too.

They're in their 90's.

And then there's my brothers
and sisters and..

Alright, alright,
knock it off.

I suppose there's something
in the poor man's story, Wilma.

Um, yes, Fred. After all,
he was returning the money.

That's right. Here my good man.

Here's five and we'll
forget the whole thing.

Five, huh?

Lady, I want you
to hear the whole story.

Let's make it ten.

You are so good, so kind.
I thank you.

Not for me,
but for the little ones.

Gee, you poor robber.
Here, make it 15.

Bless you, one and all.

I want you to know
this means a lot to me.

Just to know that there
are decent people

in this cruel world.

We are grateful, Mabel and I

Gregory and Rock
and Irving and Shirley..

...and John and Marsha,
Sue and David..

...and most of all
little Tiny Tim.

Gosh, Mr. Flintstone,
you're sure a good egg.

Well, I, after all I
always believe in helping

in every way possible.

'It's a privilege. I only wish
we could do more for him.'

(Wilma)
'We can, Fred. We can.'

Hey, just a minute. That dough
was for my birthday present.

I know, Fred. Like you said,
this is a privilege.

Oh boy. Me and my big mouth.

(Wilma)
'Here, you poor
unfortunate man.'

Wait a minute, wasn't this money
meant for your gift?

That's right.

And she saved it up
all by herself?

(Fred)
'Yes, yes.'

- And your birthday is coming?
- 'That's right, that's right.'

(burglar)
'Well, forgive me for
being a sentimental fool.'

- It's alright.
- But happy birthday!

'So long.'

Fred, I know you did
the right thing.

This is one birthday
you'll never forget.

You're so right, Wilma.
You are so right.

[sobbing]

[theme song]

[yawns]

[music continues]

[clinks]

[music continues]

boing

thud

Wilma!

[knocking]

'Wilma!'

'Come on, Wilma!
Open this door!'

'Wilma!'

[music continues]