The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 2, Episode 14 - The House Guest - full transcript

thud thud thud

Cut out that noise
and let me get some sleep

before I immobilize you.

What are you making
all that noise for?

- Me, making noise?
- Shh!

The girls will think
we're fightin'.

bang

(Wilma)
'Fred? Fred.'

Yes, dear.

'Can't you be a little
more considerate?'

toot-toot



thud thud thud

[theme music]

[honks]

[honks]

[whistles]

[siren wailing]

[whistles]

[music continues]

crash

bam

bam

mwah

What's the big hurry, Fred?

I wanna catch the Quicky Car
Wash place before it closes.



That's the new place
that just opened.

'Yeah. It's the greatest.'

You drive in at one end,
and whoosh

it's out through the other end,
spick and span.

Yeah. Instant clean.

Do you mind if I go along,
neighbor?

'Glad to have you aboard, pal.'

We'll have it washed and still
get home in time for dinner.

[chirpy music]

Some service, huh, Barney?

Yeah. Instant quick-clean.

slurp slurp slurp

- Here we go, Barney.
- Yup. Fasten your seatbelts.

[comical music]

The work's wet,
but it's clean.

chomp

[honking]

[honking]

[squeaking]

How about that, Barney?

Beats washing the car
yourself, eh?

Sure gives you a pick up.

[babbling]

[tires screeching]

See you after dinner, Barney.

Will do, Fred. Hey, we gotta
finish that badminton game.

Barney! Barney, come in quick.

(Barney)
'Comin', Betty. Comin'.'

Hurry, Barney. Hurry.

Hey, what's the matter, Betty?
W-what's wrong?

We've got a leak.
It just started a minute ago.

(Barney)
'Uh-oh, boy!
We gotta do something.'

Get some rags.
Uh, get some tools.

- Barney.
- Get a band-aid. Get a doctor.

Barney.

I'll run next door
and get Fred.

- Barney!
- Oh-oh. You're here, Fred?

Yeah. I'm here.

Hello. Hello, plumber?

Plumber?

(Betty)
'Hello, plumber.
This is an emergency.'

Hold it, hold it!
Do you wanna get robbed?

Don't you remember
how he socked you

the last time
you called the plumber?

Yeah. That's right, Betty.

(Betty)
'I know, but somebody's
gotta fix it.'

There's a woman for you.
They think money grows on trees.

(Barney)
'Yeah, that's right.'

Look, Betty. I don't like to
butt in but that leak's nothing.

- 'We'll fix it in a jiffy.'
- "We'll fix it?"

- Get me a hammer or a wrench.
- Right, Fred.

- 'And an icepick.'
- Icepick?

Look, I hate to be a back-seat
plumber, but why an icepick?

Look, Betty. This is man talk.
Man business.

(Barney)
'Yeah. And maybe you better go
visit Wilma 'til it's fixed.'

Against my better judgment,
maybe I better.

Well. There you are, Barney.

Oh, I gotta hand it
to you, Fred.

- You're Mr. Fix-it.
- Yeah. He he he.

And she wanted
to call a plumber.

whoosh

- Maybe we better.
- 'Quiet!'

And get me
another icepick.

'How many icepicks
do you think we've got?'

'Stop talking and get
something for this one.'

I'm getting something, Fred.
I'm getting something.

tap tap tap

There. Let's not panic.
That'll hold it.

Tomorrow, we'll get
some tape and..

Barney!

I'm getting somethin', Fred.
I'm getting somethin'.

'Alright. So it doesn't
look pretty, but it works.'

Betty isn't gonna like it.

Hey, hey, Fred, look!
T-the dam's gonna burst.

One thing I always say.

If anything goes wrong
in the house

'call the professional.'

I agree with you.

But when Fred starts making
noises like an expert..

- Your play.
- '...I let him have his way.'

It gives him confidence.
Gin!

You're lucky it's only
a tiny leak.

- Uh, I gotta use the phone.
- Why don't you use ours?

(Barney)
'I can't. It's under water.'

Hello, hello.
Uh, get me a plumber.

- Any plumber.
- 'Barney!'

Barney, where is Fred?

(Barney)
'D-don't worry about him.
He's a good swimmer.'

Hello. Oh, uh, plumber?

Listen, this is an emergency
at the Rubble's house.

Yeah, yeah. Bring some pails.

Yeah, your swim things too.

Uh, tools,
plumber's helpers.

Uh, let's see. Four elbows,
two joints, a couple of valves.

'That'll run close to 200.'

Two hundred!

Right. Of course, if you'd
called me right away..

Yeah, I know, uh, do me a favor.

When you send the bill,
make it for only half.

'I-I'll pay the whole thing,
but, uh..'

Oh! You wanna lie to your wife.

By the way, have you made
hotel reservations yet?

Uh, h-h-hotel?

What for?

Well, I've got
to turn off the water

'rip up the floors,
replace the pipes.'

Job's gonna take at least
four to five days.

'How are you gonna lie
to your wife about that?'

Oh, boy! I'm sunk.

[gurgling]

knock-knock

- Hi, Betty.
- 'We just came to say goodbye.'

- Come on in a minute.
- 'Thanks.'

Well, we're off
to the hotel.

We're sure gonna
miss you, folks.

Well, it's only for a week.

Only for a week?
At those rates?

'A-and without meals?'

'Just because we didn't
call a plumber.'

- 'Uh, we better go now.'
- Uh, wait a minute.

Wilma, can I speak to you
in the kitchen?

Don't go away, folks.

Wilma, listen..

I know what you're thinking,
and the answer is no.

How can you say that?
They're our neighbors.

'They're our best friends.'

Yes, and I wanna
keep it that way.

My mother always said,
the surest way to lose a friend

'is inviting them
to come and live with you.'

Oh! That's ridiculous.

'Besides, we only have
one bedroom.'

So you and Betty
use the bedroom

I'll use the sofa,
Barney can have the cot.

I'm telling you.

If Fred was a real friend,
he'd ask us to stay here

'instead of going
to a hotel at those rates.'

That's crazy.

'T-they're supposed to be
our best friends.'

Yes. And let's keep it that way.

And what's more,
he's a cheapskate.

- And another thing--
- 'Shh! Quiet, Barney.'

Folks, you're not
going to a hotel.

Hmm. What do you mean?

(Fred)
'You're gonna stay
right here with us.'

You're the best cheapskate
neighbor a fella ever had.

(Betty)
'Hold it, hold it.'

We may be making
a big mistake if we stay.

- I'm afraid so.
- What do you mean?

Yeah. What mistake?

You know what's going to happen

if you and Barney
are cooped up here together.

(Fred)
'What's going to happen?'

(both)
You're going to start fighting.
That's what.

- Me and my pal fight?
- We're buddy-buddies.

My bosom buddy

And my lifelong pal

La-dee-da-dee

Okay, okay.
Have it your way.

I just hope you're still singing
together five days from now.

Alright, Barney, bosom buddy,
start unpacking.

Good, good, good.

Hey, uh, I'm hungry.
What's for supper?

chomp chomp chomp

Delicious, Wilma.
Mmm, delicious.

Why, thank you, Barney.

Mm-hmm. Your dinner
is wonderful.

- I'm glad you're enjoying it.
- 'Well, how about me?'

How come I'm getting
only one meatball?

(Wilma)
'Because we have guests,
that's how come.'

Oh, ho ho ho. Yeah, yeah.

Excuse me, pal.
Very thoughtless.

Oh. That's okay.

Could I pour you some water?

Just a drop,
but if it's no trouble.

(Fred)
'No trouble at all.'

- 'Are you sure?'
- 'I insist.'

- 'You're very kind.'
- 'My pleasure.'

- 'May I pour for you?'
- 'How thoughtful.'

Oh, knock it off.

Wilma, please. Our guests.

Okay. Would you and your guest
like some coffee?

(Fred)
'Uh, perhaps our guest
would prefer his coffee later'

'while we're watching TV?'

- Indubitably.
- 'No, in the den.'

How's the coffee, bosom buddy?

Delicious, lifelong friend.

You boys relax while Betty
and I do the dishes.

(Fred)
'Okay, Wilma.'

Uh, we're going pretty good,
huh, Fred?

Yeah, he he he.

We can't let anything go wrong
between us, Barn.

'The main thing is,
we can't fight'

'in front of the girls.'

Right, Fred.

No matter what happens,
keep smilin'.

You can rely on me.

Anyone for dessert?

Swamp root layer cake.

'Help yourselves, boys. There's
a piece for both of you.'

(Barney)
'Oh, thank you.'

chomp chomp chomp

Enjoy yourselves, fellas.

That's all there is.
There ain't no more.

You selfish little moocher.

- Who, me? What did I do?
- I'll tell you what you did.

You grabbed the big
piece of cake for yourself.

Well, what would you've done?

I'd be a gentleman.
I'd take the little one.

Well, you got it, didn't you?
What are you kicking about?

'Why, you..'

Watch it, Fred.
T-the girls.

- Keep smilin', keep smilin'.
- You boys gonna stay up long?

Not too long, dear.

Uh, me neither.
I'm, uh, getting sleepy.

Well, goodnight, Fred.

mwah

Goodnight, honey.

Goodnight, Barney.

mwah

Goodnight, sweet dreams.

Do you, um, think

you'll be comfortable
sleeping out here, boys?

(Fred)
'Sure, honey.
You run along, honey.'

Goodnight then.

- 'Goodnight.'
- 'Goodnight.'

Hey! We might as well
hit the hay, Barney.

I'm with you, Fred.

You go wash up
and I'll get the beds ready.

Will do, Fred.
Will do.

Now, this short one
is for Barney.

Nice and comfy.

And this one is for me.

♪ Scooby-dooby-doo-boo ♪

♪ Scoodly-boo-boo ♪

♪ Scooby-doo-boo
beedy-bee-doo-boo ♪

♪ Diddly-doo-doo
dooby-doo-boo ♪♪

All set, Fred.

I left the toothpaste
on the sink.

Hold it, hold it!

What's up, Fred?

What are you supposed
to have on?

My nightshirt.
That's what.

'And how am I supposed to sleep'

'if you got on a loud
nightshirt like that?'

And if you get any louder,
the girls will hear you.

Smile, Fred, smile.
Show your teeth.

'And you better brush them
while you're at it.'

[Barney laughing]

Oh, boy!

(Barney)
'Nighty-night, Fred.'

[Fred muttering]

Goodnight!

Ah!

(Barney)
'H-hey...what the heck?'

G-get off of me, Fred.

Get off of you?
You get out of my bed.

Well, you don't expect me
to sleep on them chairs?

'You're darn right.'

'Put me down.'

- Now, get up.
- I will not.

- I'm warning you.
- I'm not budging.

(Wilma)
'Fred. Is that you, Fred?'

Shh!

- Yes, dear.
- 'Is anything wrong?'

No, dear. I just tucked
Barney in cozy, comfy.

- Goodnight.
- 'Goodnight.'

Cozy, comfy?

He he. That's cute, Fred.

Quiet, you dope.
That was a close one.

And I'm not through with you.

Tomorrow night,
I'm sleeping on the couch.

Okay, Fred. Okay. Sheesh!

[snoring]

[snoring]

thwack

[snoring]

(Wilma)
'Fred? Fred.'

Huh?

- Fred, do you hear me?
- Uh, uh, what's the matter?

'You forgot to put
the cat out, Fred.'

Oh, boy.

'Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.'

'Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.'

Fred, quiet.
You'll wake everybody up.

Here, kitty, kitty, kit..

twang

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

'Here, kitty. Come on.
Come on. There you are.'

'That's a good kitty.'

[snoring]

[mumbling]

Hey! W-w-what's going on?

Fred?

Hey, Fred.

thud thud thud

Fred.

Fred, Fred!

Oh, uh, hiya, Fred.

What are you doing
out here, Barney?

Search me, Fred.
Search me.

'Come in here.'

t-r-ring

Huh!

thwack

Shh. Quiet, Fred.
You wanna wake up everybody?

You numbskull.
Did you set that alarm?

'Oh, sure. I gotta
get up at five.'

Well, I don't have
to get up 'til eight.

Well, go back to sleep, Fred.

I'll just tippy toe around
and be gone before you know it.

Five o'clock.

[muttering]

[snoring]

[Barney gargling]

thud thud thud

Cut out that noise
and let me get some sleep

before I immobilize you.

What are you making
all that noise for?

- Me, making noise?
- Shh!

The girls will think
we're fightin'.

bang

(Wilma)
'Fred? Fred.'

Yes, dear.

'Can't you be a little
more considerate?'

toot-toot

thud thud thud

[Fred and Barney singing]

My bosom buddy

And my lifelong pal

La-dee-la-dee

La-dee-ra-ra-ra

La-da-da-dee-da

I just can't
believe it, Betty.

Three days and not
a cross word between them.

Mm-hmm. Like a pair of angels.

When they offered
to do the dishes tonight

I almost fainted.

Well, let's face it.
Maybe we were wrong.

There you are, pal.

I'll just put these pots away
and we'll be finished.

I just got this spoon left.

bam

Yeowch!

W-what's the matter, Fred?
Hit your head?

When this quits hurtin'

you know what I'm gonna
do to you?

'I'm gonna take
this drawer and I'm..'

Shh! The girls will think
we're fighting.

[muttering]

Wilma, are you sure
I didn't get a phone call?

- 'No, Fred.'
- I can't understand it.

The boss told me he'd call
tonight. It's very important.

For the millionth time, Fred,
he did not call.

I've been here all day
and there were no calls for you.

Well, I don't understand.

If the boss says
he'll call, he calls.

Who took this phone
off the hook?

The phone is off the hook.

- Who did it?
- I did, Fred.

'You took the phone
off the hook, in my house?'

You got your nerve.
Why did you do it?

And you better
have a good reason.

Well, I can't concentrate
on my reading

if the phone starts ringin'.

You can't concentrate on..

Ooh, you little pipsqueak!

I'll concentrate on
tearing you apart. I will--

Shh, shh, shh!

The girls will think
we're fightin'.

Thank goodness,
only one more day.

That's a beautiful pizza, Wilma.

I wanted something special
for your last night with us.

I hope it's big enough.

Oh! There is plenty
for the four of us.

Well, we better hurry
and get downtown

before all the bargains
are gone.

I'll just put this pizza in the
refrigerator until we get back.

I'll get the car
and meet you outside.

'Okay, Betty.
Be with you in a minute.'

Hello.

Anybody home?

Dooby-doo-doo
Hey diddly-doo-boo

Loo-pee-dee-dee-voo-voo
Zoo-zoo-zoo-zi-do

Voo-doo-di-boo-doo
Dod-di-di-voo

Zap-dee-dee zap

Hmm, pizza pie.

And it looks mighty
de-e-licious.

[laughing]

chomp chomp chomp

The Rubbles are leaving
hurray, hurray

The Rubbles are leaving
today, today

Dee-dee-dee-dee

He he he.

And I will be very happy
to see them go.

Ha ha ha.

(Fred)
'Oh, Wilma.'

Greetings, one and all.
For you, Mrs. Flintstone

a few posies.
Ha ha ha.

'And for our charming
house guest, ditto.'

Thank you, Fred.

Hiya,
Barney old pal?

Well, it's our
last night together.

And boy, am I starved.
What's for supper?

Uh, ahem..

Hey, what's the matter?

What's going on?

- Well?
- Oh, well, what, Fred?

(Betty)
'Tell Fred what's
for supper, Barney.'

[mumbling]

I-it was, uh,
this way, Fred.

'When I got home,
there was nobody here'

'and, uh, and there was
this beautiful pizza pie'

'in the ice box, see?'

'And, uh, and..'

I, uh, I, uh,
aye ya yaye ya yaye.

No. No!

You ate a whole pizza
yourself?

A meal for the four of us?

Why, you--

I-Ixnay, Fred.
T-t-the girls, the girls.

Oh, well. What are we
making a fuss about?

Like I always say

'a guest in my house is welcome
to anything he wants.'

Uh, what will we do
about dinner?

Perfectly simple.

I'll just step over
to the delicatessen

and get us
a load of cold cuts.

Have the table set, Wilma.
I'll be back in a minute.

And, uh, Barney old pal

'how about walking over
with me?'

Uh, yeah. I better come along
and see that you get enough.

Well, let's go, pal.

The delicatessen
is down this way.

'That's right.
But we're going this way.'

This is a showdown, Barney.

For five days, I've stood
all a man can stand.

Eating that pizza
was the last straw.

Now, you and me are gonna
have a knockdown

'dragout, man-to-man
fight to the finish.'

Okay, Fred. If that's
the way you want it.

En garde.

[dramatic music]

You know, I've never been
more proud of Fred.

He acted so sweet.

After what Barney did.

I thought he'd
hit the ceiling.

After what Barney did.

'And what's more, I think
he would've had every right'

'to explode
after what Barney did.'

I don't think we better
talk about it anymore, Wilma.

What's the matter? Surely you
don't defend what Barney did?

'What Barney did. What Barney
did. What did Barney do?'

You know perfectly well
what he did. He--

All he did was help himself
to an old pizza.

I-if you want us to pay for it,
we'll gladly pay for it.

- Now, see here, Betty.
- No, you see here, Wilma.

- Well..
- Well..

- I'm waiting for you.
- I'm waiting for you.

Oh, stand still, you mosquito,
and let me swat you one.

(Betty)
'I knew we should've gone
to a hotel in the first place.'

(Wilma)
'Yes. I wish you had gone
to a hotel in the first place.'

- It's the girls.
- They're fighting.

I always say, you never know
people 'til you live with them.

Ha. You can say
that again.

He he he.

What are you laughing at?

Don't you get it, Fred?
They said we'd be fighting.

But look who's fightin'.
He he he.

(Fred)
'Oh. He he he.'

Hey, come on, pal.
We better break it up.

[both laughing]

- Oh, yeah? That's what you say.
- Yeah. That's what I say.

And another thing.

- I think that you--
- 'Oh, Wilma.'

(Barney)
'Hello, Betty.'

[both laughing]

(Betty)
'Well, what's so funny?'

Yeah. What are you
two clowns laughing at?

What are we laughing at?

[laughing]

You tell 'em, Barney.
I can't stand this.

No. You tell 'em, Fred.

[laughing]

You, you were the ones
gettin' worried about

Barney and me getting along
and here you are fighting.

[laughing]

[laughing]

Say, what do you say we all
go out and get a dino burger?

[laughing]

I'm with you, Fred.
Lead the way.

After you, ladies.

Come on, pal.
Let's eat.

I'm with you, Fred,
all the way.

[laughing]

[theme music]

thud

thud

bam

Wilma!

thud thud thud

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma.
Open this door!

Wilma!