The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 2, Episode 13 - The Picnic - full transcript

It's Rockhead and Flintstone
way out in front.

Watch out for the water, Fred.

(Grizzly)
'Uh-oh, looks like Rockhead
and Flintstone'

'are headed for trouble.'

splash

Yup, that's what I said,
they're in trouble, alright.

'But look at 'em go.'

'Uh-oh, it looks like
a substitution'

'but I don't think
the judges will allow it.'

Are you still with me, champ?

growl



You're not, are you?

[theme music]

pom pom

pom

freet

screech

[siren wailing]

freet

screech

screech

screech

thubalup
thubalup

bam

creak



thud

slam

smack

Alright, Fred,
it's up to you.

- It's your move.
- Okay, Wilma.

I'm glad this is the last hand.
I'm sleepy.

(Wilma)
'Fred, Joe and Rita
would like to go to sleep.'

'It's your play.'

(Fred)
'Just a minute, I'm thinkin'.'

(Wilma)
'About what?
You have only one card left.'

Oh, well, I think
it's our trick with my Ace.

Sorry, Fred, I trump it.

Where did you get that trump?
I counted all 12 out.

Begging your pardon,
Mr. Culbertson

'but there are
13 trumps in a deck.'

Criticizing.
Always criticizing.

(Wilma)
'Oh, brother.'

Uh, Fred, here's the score.

Looks like
you're the only loser.

You owe me 38 cents.

Well, luckily we were only
playing for small stakes.

Maybe next time
we'll play for money.

ha ha ha

Uh, come on, pay up, Flintstone.

Oh, you sure have a load
of beautiful trophies, Joe.

Mm-hm. What I'd give for one
of these first place cups.

Uh, you wanna settle now
or wait till next week?

First place
in peanut pushing race.

Loyal Order of Water Buffalo's

annual picnic
and athletic contests.

'Come on now, pay up.
It's only 38 cents.'

Are you going to the Water
Buffalo picnic this year, Rita?

Yes, and I just don't know
what I'm gonna do

if Joe wins any more trophies.

Our house just
isn't large enough.

Hmm, well, I haven't that
to worry about

Fred's trophies are so small

'I've been using them
for sewing thimbles.'

ha ha ha

Now, you know, Wilma, it's only
because I haven't had

a qualified partner. Besides
there's nothin' to laugh about.

"Rockhead and Slate.
First place. Sack race."

"Rockhead and Quarry.
First place. Weight lifting."

Joe, you must have more
first place cups

than any man in the Lodge.

If you haven't got cash,
I'll take a 38 cent check.

Who's the lucky man who's gonna
team up with you this year, Joe?

Oh, I haven't made up
my mind yet.

I-I might have made a mistake.
You wanna add it up yourself?

Did you hear that, Wilma?

With the picnic only a week off,
the champ of the Lodge

hasn't picked his partner yet.

I heard it. Pay up
and let's go home.

Who's gonna be your partner,
Fred?

'You mean who's been
my partner?'

'Barney Rubble, who else.'

He's Fred's best friend
and a very nice person.

But as we athletes all know,
nice guys always finish last.

yawn

Make that true, Joe?

You gotta have the kinda drive
you and I have, to be a winner.

Wilma, will you stop yakkin'
and let's go home?

'The Rockheads
would like to retire.'

I'll never be able to do that
on my winnings tonight.

- Good night, folks.
- 'Good night, Rita.'

'Next week at our house, right?'

Hey you old cheapskate,
how about my 38 cents?

[door slamming]

clickety-clack

Fred, that was a mean thing
to say about Barney.

Mean? What did I say?

You know perfectly well.

You were suggesting to Joe that
you'd like to be his partner

'at the picnic.'

Well, that's ridiculous.

Would I double-cross Barney,
my best friend, just to win

a couple of those great
big first place loving cups

'that would look so wonderful
in our living room?'

That I can show off
to everybody?

That would make me
the proudest man in Bedrock?

- Now would I do that?
- Yes.

[blubbering]

I don't know
why you're complaining.

You and Barney have won
your share of cups.

(Fred)
'Oh. Sure we have.'

"Flintstone and Rubble.
Third place."

"Flintstone and Rubble.
Second place."

"Flintstone and Rubble.
Honorable mention."

I gotta move these cups away
from the ice box.

Every time I look at 'em
I lose my appetite.

But you only enter
the contest to have fun.

'Let the nice guys have fun.'

'I would rather
be miserable winning.'

But do you have
to get so upset?

Don't you remember
that old saying

"It's not that you won or lost
but how you played the game."

clink

Fred, you're not
gonna eat again?

Oh, just a little snack, honey.

'You know what
that does to you.'

'You'll dream all night.'

So I can dream about winning
some first place cups

with Joe Rockhead, can't I?

You know the difference
between me and Barney

is that he hasn't got
what I got right here?

The urge to win.

He hasn't got what
you've got here either.

The urge to eat.

And speaking of winning.

Did you pay Joe
for the bridge game?

No, I must have forgot,
but he should have reminded me.

Oh, brother.

[snoring]

[mumbling]

He's my husband and I oughta
know he's a nice guy.

Nice guys finish last.

Fred Flintstone
is my best friend.

He's the nicest guy I know.

Nice guys finish last.

Fred's a very nice guy.

Nice guys finish last.

And the booby prize again goes
to Flintstone and Rubble.

A couple of nice guys
who, of course, finished last.

[everybody laughing]

No, no, I'm not a nice guy.
I'm a dirty, no good..

Fred!

What's the matter?

A-are you having a nightmare?

Well, uh, oh, oh.

Yeah, yeah.

Must have been that sandwich.

What time is it?

swoop

A quarter to four
but I think I'm fast.

swoop

(Wilma)
'Goodnight, Fred.'

Goodnight, Wilma.

[snoring]

[dramatic music]

'Hello, Joe?'

Uh, hello, who is this?

'This is Fred Flintstone, pal.
Did I wake you?'

Oh, it's alright.

I had to get up to answer
the phone anyway.

Joe, baby, I just got an idea
that's gonna make

you do hand springs.

'Oh, please, Fred.'

Not in the middle of the night.

'Now, now take it easy.
Just relax.'

Relax? You kiddin'?

'Just tell me how this
sounds to you.'

'Ladies and gentlemen'

may I present the winners
of every event on the program?

The two greatest athletes
ever produced

by the Loyal Order
of Water Buffaloes.

Joe Rockhead
and Fred Flintstone!

How about it, Joe?

Joe?

He must be doin'
them hand springs.

[snoring]
'Joe?'

'Joe?'

'Did you get it, Joe?
Did you?'

Huh?

Oh, what'd you say, Fred?

'I said Flintstone and Rockhead,
side by side'

'shoulder to shoulder'

nose to nose. Is it a deal?

'Uh, yeah, yeah, sure, okay.
Anything you say, Fred.'

'Let me go to sleep.'

'Sure, partner.
Pleasant dreams.'

'Yabba-Dabba-Doo!'

(Rita)
'Joe, Joe,
who were you talking to?'

(Joe)
'Fred Flintstone.'

- 'What did he want?'
- Uh, nothing important.

He wanted to be my partner at
the picnic and I told him okay.

[snoring]

I told him, what?

Oh, no.

Hup. Two. Hup. Two.

Hey, I gotta get in shape
for that Water Buffalo picnic.

Hup. Two.
Hup. Two.

I maybe small but I'm wiry.

he he he he

Breakfast will be ready
in a minute, Barney.

'One minute is all
I need to show Fred'

that the Rubble half
of Flintstone and Rubble

is in the pink,
and rearin' to go.

Hurry, dear, we're having
scrambled dodo eggs and kippers.

I'll be back in a flash
for the fish.

he he he

What I'll do is give these
second place wins to Barney

when I bring the big ones home.

(Wilma)
'Fred, if you're ready, I'll put
your breakfast on the fire.'

How do you want
the brontosaurus steak done?

'Now, hold it a minute, Wilma.'

I'm going over to tell Barney
the deal I made with Rockhead.

'Well, it's beyond me
how you could do such a thing'

'to your best friend.'

What's one thing got
to do with the other?

'Even though he's known
as second place Rubble'

'he'll always
be my best friend.'

'Why, there's nothin'
in this whole wide world'

'I wouldn't do for
that dear old pal of mine.'

'And I venture to say, there's
nothin' he wouldn't do'

'for deal old me.'

That's for sure.

(Wilma)
'I just know he'll feel
very hurt when he hears'

'your teaming up
with Joe Rockhead.'

Wilma, I'm gonna prove to you
that nothin' could come

between the true blue friendship
that me and Barney

have for each other.

Hiya, Barney.

'I wanna chat with you.'

thump

bam

'Wilma,
I'll take that steak now.'

How do you want it?

Raw, how else?

Fred!

True blue friend, my eye.

What a sorehead.

screech

Oh, boy, why do you always wait
till Saturday to go marketing?

You know perfectly well, why.

You get paid on Friday.

bow wow bow wow

Dino, get back in the car.

I'm sorry, baby. You're not
allowed in the market.

Never mind whether
he's allowed or not

he's gotta learn to obey.
Get in the car, I said.

[Dino whining]

And don't think that whining
is gonna get you any sympathy.

Come on, Wilma.

Daddy's right, baby.

You shouldn't
have to be bribed to obey.

Here, boy.

Hey, wait a minute, Wilma
I wanna put his leash on him.

Now stop whining
and do as I say.

Here, boy.

He'd be better trained
if you didn't spoil him, Wilma.

Yes, Fred.

'And watch those
automatic doors, Wilma.'

Yes, Fred.

squawk

Oops, I slipped.

Well, nobody's perfect.

I think we've got
everything, Joe.

Joe, are you listening to me?

If I disguise my voice,
I could call Fred

and tell him his uncle in Texas
just left him a fortune.

That might get him out
of town fast.

'Will you please try to get Fred
off your mind?'

Maybe, he'll get sick
or somethin'.

Well, there's another way
I could get rid of him

and the Jury might call
it justifiable homicide.

Every place I go,
I hear that voice

that keeps sayin',
"Hiya, partner."

"Hiya, partner."

Hiya, partner.

There it goes again.

'Well, pal, this is the big day'

'for the team
of Flintstone and Rockhead.'

- 'How do you feel?'
- Sick.

And with a little luck
I'll get sicker.

Don't you worry about a thing.
I'm in good enough shape

for the both of us.

Get a load of this.

'Yeah.'

'Quite a load.'

Hit me, Joe.
Hard as you like.

Hmm.

Well, uh..

No, I better not.

'Go ahead, it's like a rock.'

'he he he'

Come on. Come on.

Afraid you'll hurt
your hand, huh?

Well, alright, Fred.

If you say so.

Oh, boy.
I can't look at this.

bong

(Fred)
'Ooh.'

(Rockhead)
'You sure can take it, partner.'

'ha ha ha'

tsk tsk tsk

Yeah, never felt a thing.
Ooh.

creek
creek

(Fred)
'Wilma, will you hurry up?'

I don't wanna miss
that first event.

'Relax, will you?
There's plenty of time.'

Just keep warming up.

Need any help, Wilma?
Our lunch is packed.

No, thank you, Betty.

'I'll be finished in a minute.'

'Did Barney get a partner?'

He didn't even try.

He said if Fred wasn't his
partner, it wouldn't be any fun.

Let's face it.
The picnic won't be the same

with the boys not talking
to each other.

- 'Men.'
- Yeah.

You can't live with them--

(Fred)
'Wilma.'

And you can't live wi..

I sometimes wonder
about the rest of that saying.

[Betty giggling]

Ain't it the truth?

ha ha ha

[band music]

Remember, no members come
through unless they are wearing

'the official Loyal Order
of Water Buffalo hat.'

clickety-clack

(Charlie)
'Hold it, Flintstone.'

You know you can't get in here

without no official Loyal Order
of Water Buffalo hat.

I got it in the back,
some place, Charlie.

Well, put it on. You gotta
wear it. That's the rule.

But I can't drive with it on.

'Rules are rules.'

Eh, put a badge on a guy
and it goes to his head.

Fred, please.

[Fred mumbling]

Smart guy.

Barney, I just won't have you
sitting around all day

'with that long face.'

Would my face be any shorter,
if I stood up?

I'm sure glad the super market
had a sale

on pterodactyl drumsticks,
Betty.

You know what a huge appetite
Fred has on these picnics.

Yeah. I wish Barney would get
his appetite back.

Well, I just signed in
for the first event.

Better clear some room
around here

'I'll need some place
to put the cups.'

I certainly wish you luck, Fred.

'At least, one member
of the Rubble family'

'is a good sport.'

(Betty)
'Oh, I'm sure Barney
wishes you luck too, Fred.'

I'll do my own wishin',
if you don't mind.

And it shouldn't
happen to a dog.

Well, honey, as the sayin' goes,
"I'm off to the races."

And I'll be right here
when you get back.

With the first aid kit.

Ladies and Gentlemen
Water Buffaloes.

If you kindly take your seats
we shall start the contest.

[crowd cheering]

(Grizzly)
'And the first event
is the two-man steeple chase.'

The Water Buffaloes
are at the post.

Are you ready, gentlemen?

For Pete's sake, Flintstone,
we haven't got all day.

I'm bein' a champ, Joe.

I'm surprised you don't know
limbering up when you see it.

Well, there seems to be a slight
delay while Fred Flintstone

stomps on a fire or somethin'.

We're ready.
We're ready, wise guy.

'Get on your mark.'

'Get set.'

'Go.'

[crowd cheering]

Look at 'em go.

Go go go, Joe.

Hang on, Flintstone,
while I throw it into high.

Boy, look at Rockhead
and Flintstone go.

That's pourin'
on the old steam, Joe.

Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

Fred, watch out.

bam

Will the contestants for the
ever popular three legged race

take their places, please?

Hey, Flintstone, are you
in this race or aren't you?

Fred, do try to be
more careful this time.

Can I help it if some guy plants
a tree where you can't see it?

(Rockhead)
'Flintstone.'

Coming, champ.

I'll be rootin' for you, Fred.

Flintstone,
control your enthusiasm

and you'll be alright.

- Get it?
- Sure, champ.

All set, gentlemen?

(together)
'All set.'

You may fire when ready,
Grizzly.

On your mark.

Get set.

Go.

[crowd cheering]

It's Rockhead and Flintstone
way out in front.

'And they're really moving!'

Watch out for the water, Fred.

(Grizzly)
'Uh-oh, looks like Rockhead
and Flintstone'

'are headed for trouble.'

splash

Yup, that's what I said,
they're in trouble, alright.

Up to their ears!

'But look at 'em go.'

'What a team!
Nothin' slows 'em down.'

'Wow! What a race
this turned out to be.'

'Uh-oh, it looks like
a substitution'

'but I don't think
the judges will allow it.'

Are you still with me, champ?

growl

You're not, are you?

Flintstone, you nut-head.

Our next event, the tug of war.

Men, when the whistle goes off,
pull like anything.

'Of course, you know the winners
will be covered with glory.'

'The losers with, yuck, mud.'

'Are you alright?'

- Alright.
- It's alright.

Now, dig in, Flintstone,
and make you got a good grip.

I'll make sure, champ.

[whistle blowing]

Champ!

Of course, you know, Flintstone,
this dissolves our partnership.

blop blop blop

So what if Joe got another
partner for the big race?

'You can get another
partner too.'

After what happened
who would be stupid enough

'to team up with me?'

I might be stupid enough.

See, Fred.
Go ahead, ask Barney.

No. Just because I lost
a few races

don't mean I lost my pride.
Let him ask me.

(Barney)
'What about my pride?'

I'm a person, too.

(Betty)
'Barney, you can swallow
your pride for a minute.'

How come it's always me
that's gotta swallow my pride?

Why don't he
swallow it for a change?

- Ask him, Barney.
- 'Okay, okay. I'm askin'.'

- Fred, he's askin'.
- Ask him what he's askin'.

What are you askin', Barney?

(Barney)
'Will he be my partner
for the big race?'

Will you be his partner
for the big race?

Well, okay. Let's go.

And don't forget, it ain't
how you play the game. Just win.

I'm with you, Fred.

Hear well, folks.

The final event of the
afternoon, the wheel barrow race

and then, we eat!

'Okay, you Water Buffaloes,
may the best team win!'

'On your mark, get set...go!'

(together)
Hurrah!

Hold tight, Barney boy!

Hold tight. That first prize cup
is practically in the bag.

Right, Fred.
I can just see that cup now.

Rubble and Flintstone,
the new champs.

What do you mean
Rubble and Flintstone?

- It's Flintstone and Rubble.
- Okay, Fred.

Have it your way.
Come on, pal.

I got the urge to win and you're
just the guy that can do it.

Right, Barney. And all you
have to do is enjoy the scenery.

Fred, stop talking
and start running.

Joe Rockhead
and his new partner, Sam Slate

have moved into the lead.

'But here comes
Flintstone and Rubble.'

Let's go, Fred.

Yeah, I'll show that
Rockhead guy a real champ.

Geronimo!

Wow! Flintstone and Rubble
are getting fast.

They're right behind
the leaders and drivin' hard!

- Come on, Fred!
- Come on, Barney!

[panting]

(together)
Oh, no!

They're slowing down.

- Step on it, Fred.
- I am, Barney.

I am.

It looks like
the Flintstone-Rubble team

are outta the race.

Well, what's the matter, Fred?

I've, I've ran
out of gas, Barney.

I, uh...oh..

Well, don't worry, Fred.
I got that urge again.

- What urge?
- The urge to win.

Look, Wilma.
The boys are back again.

Yeah, and they've
changed places.

Hang on, Fred.
I remember what you said.

It isn't how you play
the game as long as you win.

Right. Right, Barney.

There's teamwork for you.

Flintstone and Rubble
are moving ahead again.

'They're gaining
on Rockhead and Slate.'

'Boy! What a race.'

- Come on, Barney!
- Yahoo, Fred!

Now, what's wrong?

Something's wrong
with the wheel barrow.

Hey, Barney, the
wheel-barrow's falling apart.

- Hang on, Fred.
- Oh-oh!

That looks like Flintstone
and Rubble are in trouble again.

They're dropping way behind.

Well, no.
They're gainin' again!

Boy! What a team!

Just hang on to the wheel,
Freddie boy!

'And here comes
Flintstone and Rubble!'

'They're passing
Rockhead and Slate.'

- Hello, Joe.
- Goodbye, Joe.

'It's a tremendous effort
by Flintstone and Rubble.'

'The new champions!'

[cheering]

Yahoo!

Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

Wilma, I've been
thinking it over

and you're absolutely right.

What's that, Fred?

(Fred)
'Barney deserves
this cup more than I do.'

- 'I'm goin' to give it to him.'
- That's wonderful, Fred.

'Hey, Barney!'

At last, peace reigns over
our households once more.

To the winner
of the wheel-barrow race

and new champ,
Barney Rubble.

Oh, you keep it, Fred.

Oh, no! To the victor
belongs the spoils.

- So here's the spoils.
- Nope.

- You've always wanted it, Fred.
- Take it, I said.

Keep it, yourself.

(Fred)
'Take it, or I might
change my mind.'

It's like the sound of music.

(Barney)
'I told you, I don't want it!'

- Like old times again.
- 'Excuse me, Betty.'

'There's something
I must get in the kitchen.'

Oh, sure, Wilma.
Mind if I tag along?

- 'No, not at all, Betty.'
- 'Are you gonna take this cup?'

(Barney)
'Nope. And definitely, nope!'

Ah! What a beautiful
steak, Wilma!

- How does Fred like it?
- Usually medium.

(Fred)
'If you don't take this cup,
so help me--

wham

'Wilma!'

But lately, he's been
taking his steak raw.

Here you are, Fred.

That Barney! Remind me
never to speak to him again.

Oh, my eye!

[theme song]

[yawning]

Wilma!

'Wilma!'

'Come on, Wilma,
open this door.'

'Wilma!'