The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 2, Episode 11 - The Beauty Contest - full transcript

The Loyal Order of Water Buffaloes organizes a beauty contest, and Fred and Barney are chosen to judge it, against their will, as they anticipate their wives' jealousy. They must deal with ...

Attaboy, Rocky,
you can lift it.

That's it!

'Attaboy.'

Okay, Fred. Easy now.

Get ready to release it, Fred.

Easy now.

Let her go!

bam

Oh boy, the boss.

I gotta get that rock open,
but it makes no sense.

The minute I get the rock off,
he'll fire me.



Flintstone,
you're fired.

[theme music]

[blowing whistle]

[siren blaring]

[wheels screeching]

[crashing]

(Fred)
'Wilma!'

'Wilma!'

Oh Wilma!

Now, we'll rinse the suds off,
Dino, and it's all over.

(Wilma)
'Nice Dino.'

[barking]

(Fred)
'Wilma!'

(Wilma)
'Okay, Fred,
I'll be right there.'



Don't go away, Dino.

The minute I get my hands in
water, that man wants something.

Okay, Wilma, where is it?

- Where is what, Fred?
- My lodge hat.

I got a meeting tonight
at the Loyal Brotherhood

of Water Buffaloes.

(Wilma)
'Did you look
in the closet, Fred?'

Oh, boy.

"Did you look
in the closet, Fred?"

Of course, I looked in the
closet. What do you take me for?

Some kind of a nincom...poop.

How do they do it?

And every time.

Now, hold still, Dino.
You have to get dried off.

I don't want you to catch cold.

[barking]

- I'm all set to go, Wilma.
- Okay, Fred, see you later.

I'll be home right after
the meeting, Wilma.

[growling]

Dino, no. Come back!

Oh no, stop!
Cut it out, Dino!

Dino, it's me, your master.

- Dino! Dino stop!
- Heel, Dino.

Heel! Dino! Down boy.

I'm your master.

- 'Heel, I say.'
- Dino, stop it.

Come on, I'll have to lock you
up in the kitchen.

[growling]

Every time I put this hat on,
that animal flips his lid.

(Fred)
'You're supposed to keep him
tied up on lodge night.'

I forgot, Fred.
I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I'll go over
and get Barney.

- 'So long, Wilma.'
- Bye, Fred.

Hey, Barney.

Be right with you, Fred,
brother Water Buffalo.

Put out your hand, brother.

The secret
Water Buffalo handshake.

Now the secret password,
brother.

[both growling]

Ah, that kinda gives you
a certain feeling.

- Doesn't it Barney?
- Sure does, Fred.

It also gives me
a certain feeling, Wilma.

Yeah, me too.
But I hope it goes away.

[Betty laughing]

Careful of your horns, Barney.

These hats are murder
on convertible tops.

"Water Buffalo Hall."
Here we are, Barney.

[wheels screeching]

A lot of the buffaloes
are here already, Fred.

Yep, I guess
we're just in time.

Greetings, brother Buffaloes!

This is a very important
meeting tonight.

And as King Buffalo..

...I'm glad to see
the entire herd showed up.

And now, for the big news.

Right here,
at Water Buffalo Hall..

...we're going to have
a beauty contest.

Yabba dabba doo!

Stabba daggy doo-doo!

(King Buffalo)
'And we're gonna need judges.'

[crowd cheering]

Hold it! Hold it!

You can't all be judges.

We have to be fair about it.

'So, I'm gonna pull
the names from this hat.'

(King Buffalo)
'And the first name is..'

'...Fred Flintstone!'

Yabba dabba doo!

And the other judge will be..

...Barney Rubble!

Yabba dabba dee doo-doo!

[crowd cheering]

Nice going, King.

Yeah, they couldn't lose.

Theirs were the only
two names in the hat.

We need two judges..

...and all the others are
too smart to take the job.

Yeah, any guy who'll judge
a beauty contest

in his own hometown, is out
of his cotton pickin' mind.

Well, Barney,
how lucky can two guys get?

Yeah, I can't believe
we won, Fred.

Boy, all those guys were jealous
when they picked our names.

I never had any experience
judging beauties before, Fred.

But Barney, a guy spends
his life judging beauties.

It's a lifetime of experience
that began when you were a kid

and whistled at pretty girls.

- I whistled at a girl once.
- 'Yeah? And?'

And she turned around and walked
back to where I was standing.

Yeah, yeah, go on.

(Barney)
'It was such a romantic
setting.'

'The light from the pool
made her look etheral.'

- You mean "ethereal."
- No, etheral.

She knocked me out, bam.

[both laughing]

[wheels screeching]

What's the matter
with us, Barney?

Our wives won't let us
judge no beauty contest.

Well, it was fun
while it lasted, Fred.

But it's all over.

We gotta call up
that King Buffalo right away.

Hello, King Buffalo.
Eh, this is Fred Flintstone.

Say, Your Majesty, Barney Rubble
and I have to drop out

of that beauty judging thing.

[indistinct shouting]

But...but-but-but-but King,
you wouldn't do that.

You would?

Okay.

Yeah, we'll go through with it.

What'd he say, Fred?
What'd he say?

'He said, we do it
or pay the supreme penalty.'

- You mean--
- 'That's right.'

Turn in our hats.

I can't think of life without
being a Water Buffalo, Fred.

Me neither, Barney.

But, all's not lost, Barn!

- It isn't?
- 'No.'

'We don't have to tell
Wilma and Betty a thing.'

And if we're lucky,
they won't hear about it.

We got it made.

We will be picking the winner
in the beauty contest.

Boy, some lucky girl is gonna be
Miss Water Buffalo..

...for a whole year.

Yep, thanks to us and our keen
eye for covenant pulchritude.

[both laughing]

- Good morning, Wilma.
- Good morning, Betty.

Come on in.
I'm in the laundry.

Just putting some things
in the washing machine.

Nice day for drying.

That's why I wanna get
them out early.

I might be able to do
the ironing this afternoon.

- I hate ironing.
- Me, too.

I just stand there
and think and think and think.

[squawking]

[upbeat music]

- How was Barney this morning?
- Fine.

Ever since coming home from
the lodge meeting last night

he's been bubbling over,
humming and whistling.

Come to think of it,
Fred's been over-jovial too.

And while they're
in such a good mood..

Hmm?

...let's go downtown
and try on some dresses.

Oh, good idea, Wilma.

I saw the darlingest
leopard skin frock

with lizard shirring
at the Bon-Ton.

Attaboy, Rocky,
you can lift it.

That's it!

Attaboy.

Okay, Fred.
Easy now.

(Slate)
'This way a little.'

'Easy, easy.'

Okay, boss.

That's it!

Get ready to release it, Fred.

Easy now.

Let her go!

bam

Oh boy, the boss.

There goes my job.

I gotta get that rock open,
but it makes no sense.

The minute I get the rock off,
he'll fire me.

Flintstone,
you're fired.

(Slate)
'Uh, hey, Flintstone.
Wait a minute.'

'I just thought of something.'

Look, I was only kidding,
Freddie boy.

It was my fault. Get back up
there on that dinosaur, boy.

Gosh!
Thanks, Mr. Slate.

Anything you ever want me to do,
just name it.

Okay. Uh, you can help me with
a little problem I have, Fred.

'Sure thing, boss.'

Well, I have a daughter, Fred

and, uh, it seems she's entered
in a beauty contest.

'And I understand
you're a judge, Fred.'

Now, I'm not trying
to influence you, Fred.

I hate guys that do that.

But I'd also hate to see
my daughter crushed.

Her high hopes dashed.

[chuckles]

Why should I talk like this?

You call it as you see it, Fred.
Do what's right.

(Slate)
'And you'll still have a job
next Monday morning.'

'Here's my Bessie's picture,
foreman.'

Oops! Me and my big mouth.

I just can't keep a secret.

Oh, boy.

Well, I'll take a look
at Bessie's picture. Maybe--

Oh, no! Eek!

Well, my fellow judge
oughta be along soon.

Psst.

(Big Louie)
'Hey, Bud, come here.'

- 'Who, me?'
- Yeah, you.

I understand
you're Barney Rubble, right?

Yeah, I'm Barney Rubble.

'The beauty contest judge, eh?'

Well, yes.

Well, I'm Big Louie.

B-B-Big Louie?
Mr. Records himself.

Right. And that girl
over there is Cookie.

- 'Say hello, Cookie.'
- Hello Cookie.

'I promised Cookie, she's gonna
win the beauty contest.'

And Big Louie never
welches on a promise.

Ask anybody.

Be seeing you, Rubble.

In the Winner's Circle,
Saturday night.

(Big Louie)
'Say goodbye, Cookie.

- 'Goodbye Cookie.'
- Goodbye, Cookie.

Goodbye, Barney.

(Fred)
'Hey, Barney, let's go.'

And then Big Louie said
he promised Cookie

she was going to win.

I-I'm scared of that guy, Fred.

We better vote for Cookie
or I'm gonna get it.

What do you say, Fred?

I'd say, I'd never heard of such
abject clinching in all my life.

I'm ashamed of you, Barney.

It's up to us citizens
to resist a guy like Big Louie.

We can't let that element
force us.

We can't compromise
our integrity.

We gotta stand up
and defy him.

We give in to intimidation once,
and we're lost.

Barney my boy..

'...we have a job to do,
and we'll do it.'

- 'Right?'
- Right, Fred.

We'll vote
for whoever we want.

'Right. And we wanna vote
for Bessie.'

- Bessie?
- Who's Bessie?

- My boss' daughter.
- Your boss' daughter?

You mean, you'd let me
get knocked off

so you could get in good
with your boss?

Oh, the way you say it, Barney,
sounds bad.

'Okay, you got another way
of saying it?'

No, but I sure wish I had.

Well, I'm voting for Cookie.
She's a pretty lady.

'And I'm voting for Bessie.
She's-she's my boss' daughter.'

Hey, wait a minute, Barney.
We're alright.

They both win.

- Both win?
- Yeah.

Photo finish,
a two-way tie.

Hey, that would do it, Fred.

Even Big Louie'd
settle for a tie.

Yeah, we got nothing
to worry about.

That foreman's job's
all mine right now, Barney.

Why, no miss.
Mr. Flintstone isn't home yet.

- Is there any message?
- 'Give him my measurement.'

- Your what?
- My measurement.

Your measurements?

Well, okay, let's have 'em.

- 44-23-34.
- 44-23-34.

'Got it.'

'Are you sure
that 44 is correct?'

- 'If you'll wait, I'll check.'
- Yes, I'll wait.

[humming]

- 'I'm sorry.'
- Yes?

- 'It's 45.'
- 45?

'Give him my message, please.'

Yes, don't worry, miss.
I'll give it to him.

In more ways than one.

Oh, Wilma, I'm home.

Sweetheart, was there any mail
for me today?

'No. Just a phone call.'

Oh, who from?

- Some girl.
- Some girl?

- Her measurements are 45-23-34.
- That's some girl, alright.

Okay, Fred. Who is she?

'I don't know, Wilma!
Honest, I don't know!'

Why would she call up
to give you her measurements?

Well..

[chuckles]

...you know how some women are.

- They just can't keep a secret!
- 'A secret?'

No one could keep measurements
like that a secret!

It wouldn't be easy.

Fred, we're going to get
to the bottom of this.

Scooby dooby doo doo doo

Scooby doo doo

Bee dooby bee doo doo

Bee doo doo

Oh, pardon me, uh..

The name is Betty,
your wife.

Oh, you must remember.

You know, with the meals,
washing, cleaning the house.

Think hard, it'll come to you.

Oh, Betty.

There, I told you
you'd remember.

Oh, cut it out, Betty.
And who's your friends?

'They're no friends of mine,
they're waiting to see you.'

Oh, no you don't.

You're going right into them.

W-w-what do they want, Betty?

How do I know?

They said, they had something
to show you.

I don't know what it could be.

Well, let's find out.
I'm curious.

Hello, ladies. You wanted
to show me something?

Well, yes, Mr. Rubble.

We'd like your honest opinion.

What do you think
of our chances?

Your chances
for a broken arm are great.

Now, you two get out.

(Betty)
'Out! Out! Out!'

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

(Betty)
'Okay, Barney,
start talking.'

Talking? Okay.

Uh, hi, Betty, what's new?

Okay, Fred. I believe you when
you say you don't know that girl

who called up, okay.

[knocking on door]

That'll be Betty.

Come on in,
we're out in the kitchen.

[gulping]

[choking]

Oh, what's the matter?

Oh! Those choking spells
are terrible.

[coughing]

Quick! Get him a glass of water.

There, you'll be alright
in a minute, Fred.

Oh, thank you very much.

This'll cool you off, hot shot.

Now you get out of here.

(Wilma)
'Stay out!'

You come around here again and
I'll pull that blonde hair out

by it's black roots.

Barney never lies to me

so I believe him when he says
he doesn't know those girls.

That's Fred's story too.

But it's a little weird.

Last night, we walked down
to the market

and every girl we passed
waved at Fred.

'Some whistled.'

'Just as if he was a movie star,
like Cary Grant.'

Well, Wilma, maybe Fred's got
that je ne sais quoi.

That certain something.

Maybe, he has that
certain something.

But wouldn't you think
I would've noticed it

after all these years?

Well, Fred,
tonight's the big night.

Yeah, Barney.
And what a week this has been.

Strange girls whistling
and waving at me.

Yeah, me too, Fred.

A thing like this
just wouldn't happen

when a guy's young and single.

Well, you're not kidding, Fred.

When I was single, sometimes
I dialed the correct time number

on the phone, just to hear
a girl's voice.

'You too, Barney. Ha ha.'

I knew it was only a recording,
but I didn't care.

[wheels screeching]

'It's too bad we had to deceive
them about the beauty contest.'

Well, we had to uphold
our Buffalo secrecy oath.

'Yep, that's right.'

But believe me, Barney..

'...from now on,
no more deception, right?'

'Right, Fred.'

The girls won't let us out to go
to any meeting tonight, Fred.

- What'll we do?
- Very simple.

We get 'em to watch television

and when they're interested
in a program

we grab our Buffalo hats
and run out the back door.

Isn't that a little
deceitful, Fred?

Well, in this case, it's more
like self-preservation, Barney.

Thanks for drying
the dishes, Barney.

My pleasure, Betty.

Uh, now let's watch
television, huh?

I don't feel like
watching television.

Oh, but you have to watch
television, Betty.

Barney, what's
the matter with you?

I'm going over to Wilma's

and I don't wanna hear
any more about it.

Barney acted
mighty strange tonight.

He wanted me to watch television
instead of coming over here.

That's odd.

Fred insisted that I watch
television tonight also.

[Dino growling]

What's that?

Sounds like Dino
and some animal, fighting.

- Dino?
- Heel, Dino.

Heel!

Dino, stop it!

(Wilma)
'Dino, stop it!'

Dino!

Down, down.

Get up, Fred.

That animal has got to go.

What are you doing
out here, Fred?

I'm going to a special
Water Buffalo meeting

and that's that.

- Something fishy's going on.
- Yeah.

I don't believe the Buffaloes
are meeting tonight.

Well, we could check
and see, Wilma.

Right.

I don't remember
a Water Buffalo meeting

ever being held
on a Saturday night.

Well, we'll know
pretty soon, Betty.

Look, Wilma.

"Water Buffalo Hall."

- It's open.
- Look at all the cars.

Well, the boys were
telling the truth.

As long as we're here,
let's go to the back door

and take a peek at what's
so fascinating about this place.

Do you think we should, Wilma?

(Wilma)
'No, but let's go anyway.'

All we can do
is take a fast look, Betty.

I know. "No women allowed."
That's their strict rule.

Looks like the strict rule's
been suspended tonight.

I'll say.

'Why don't you go in, Wilma'

'and find out
what this is all about.'

What did you
find out, Wilma?

It's a beauty contest.

Well, that lets us out.

Save daddy.

Fred and Barney are out
in the audience somewhere.

'So?'

Well, just for a gag

let's walk across the stage
with the rest of the girls.

'It'll give Fred and Barney
the shock of their life.'

Oh, but Wilma,
we have no bathing suit.

They supply them here.

All contestants wear
the same kind of suit.

Let's get ours, Betty.

As King Buffalo..

...I signal the start
of our beauty contest.

Hit it, Jean Charlie!

[piano music]

Where is she

[whistling]

Where is she

[whistling]

We search high and low
for Miss Water Buffalo

To wear the beauty crown

With charming grace
and pretty face

The pride of Bedrock town

Well, here we are, Barney,
right up on stage.

And the beauties
will pass right by us.

Psst.
Hey, Rubble.

Remember, Rubble,
the Winner's Circle or else..

It's Big Louie and his boys.

'Wh-wh-what'll we do?'

Uh, uh, uh..

(Slate)
'Flintstone.'

(Fred)
'Y-y-yes, Mr. Slate.'

Remember,
foreman Flintstone..

...my problem is your problem.

Say, Fred, I've been
thinking that Big Louie

isn't gonna intimidate me.
I'm gonna vote honest.

Barney, I'm proud of you.

Agreed then, we vote honest.

Right, Fred.

Yabba dabba doo.

Zooby dooby.

Whoo wee who bloohoo.

And whoa wee whoa wee.

It's our turn, Wilma,
Go on out.

Oh, Betty,
this is ridiculous.

Well, we can't back out now.

[both giggling]

Barney, look!

- Betty, look!
- Fred and Barney.

- Wilma!
- And Betty.

It's a tie for first place.

Our wives look best to us.

[horn blaring]

Head to the car, girls.
That mob is out of control.

Wait for me, Barney.

Okay, slow down, Barney.
We shook them off.

We'll have to return
these crowns, boys.

We disqualify
for being married women.

But thanks to a couple
of smart judges..

Who know what's good
for them..

(together)
We're beauty queens for a day.

Wrong. You're queens every day.

- Right, Fred?
- Right, Barney boy.

We searched high and low
for Miss Water Buffalo

To wear the beauty crown

With charming grace
and pretty face

The pride of Bedrock town

[all laughing]

[theme music]

[yawns]

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma,
open this door.

Wilma!