The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 1, Episode 24 - The Long, Long Weekend - full transcript

We're pretty far out, Fred,
I hope we don't run into a sea serpent.

Sea serpent. Don't tell me
you believe there are sea serpents.

Why, that's just a silly old myth.

Well, it could be, Fred,
but I heard stories.

- Fred, I got a bite.
- Pull it in.

Oh, boy, this is a whopper.

- What did you catch, Barney?
- I think I caught a silly old myth.

What will I do, Fred?

What will you do?
Throw him back, that's what.

No, Dino, you can't go out
till your daddy gets here.

- Hi, Wilma.
- Hi, Betty. Come on in.



I can't, thanks.
Barney is due home any second.

I just wanted to check with you.
Are we going shopping tomorrow?

Sure thing. Let's get an early start.

- What's with Dino?
- Every night, the same thing.

Dino knows Fred gets home
exactly at 5200...

and I let him out to greet Fred.

5:00 and here comes Fred.

Okay, Dino, he's home. Go say hello.

No, Dino, hold it, boy.

Now stop it, Dino.

You hear that, Dino, stop it.

This is embarrassing.
All the neighbors are looking.

Now be a good boy, Dino,
put him down easy in the easy chair.

Every day he misses that chair.
I think he does it on purpose.



Dino wouldn't do that. Would you, Dino?

- Hi, Fred.
- Hi, Betty.

That Dino sure loves you.

When Dino loves you, you better belong
to some good hospital plan.

Anytime you want to give him away,
we'll take him.

Not a chance.

- Goodnight, Wilma.
- Goodnight, Betty.

- Any mail today, honey?
- The usual, Fred. More bills and more ads.

Bills and ads, that's all we ever get.
I never get a letter from anyone.

A shipwrecked sailor on an island
in the middle of the ocean...

gets more notes in bottles than I get.

You don't get letters unless you write.

When was the last time
you wrote a letter, Fred?

I wrote a letter to my mother
from Boy Scout camp.

That wasn't last summer, believe me.

I still can't figure it out.
All the guys I used to know.

Close buddies... Out every night together.
And I told them:

"Fellows, my getting married
won't change a thing.

"We'll still chum around together.
We'll play cards at my house...

"my wife will make sandwiches for us.
She's a good old Joe.

"She'll be like one of the gang."
What happened?

I never hear a word from any of them.

You'd think one of them,
just one of them, would write.

From what I saw of that old gang of yours,
half of them never learned to write...

and the other half can't read,
except the big sign over the pool hall.

Oh, yeah? They all could read.

How else could they figure out
their racing forms?

Hey, Wilma, this ad is from Gus Gravel.

Who is Gus Gravel?

He's one of the old gang
I was just telling you about.

- He wants to make a touch?
- No, he doesn't.

He's sent a nice friendly form...

announcing that he's running a hotel
at the seashore.

Seashore? Well, since you never
take me anyplace...

there's no chance of running into him,
which is good.

Oh. yeah?

Hey, wait a minute, Wilma.
Tomorrow starts a three-day weekend.

We could get down to Gus's hotel.
He might give us a rate for old time's sake.

I've got no old times
with Gus-what's-his-name.

I don't even know him.
And if he's one of the old gang...

- I'd just as soon keep it that way.
- There you go again...

judging people you don't even know.
That's your big trouble, Wilma.

No, it isn't. My big trouble is you...

and the way you wolf food down.
It's getting bigger all the time.

"The way I wolf food down!"

When I come home
after a hard day's work...

I need some nourishment.

She did it again.

What happened
to what we were talking about?

Every time a guy calmly discusses
something with his wife...

somehow he ends up defending himself
from something else.

They throw you a long slow curve
and then the fast break.

What were we talking about?

Yeah, Gus Gravel and his hotel.

After I wolf down my dinner,
I'll give him a ring.

That's the way it is, Mr. Gravel,
I speak for the entire staff.

Now either you pay us or we all quit.

Be reasonable, Harvey.

I'm holding your money for you
until the end of the season...

so you won't fritter it away.

Fritter, shmitter,
we're walking out right now.

Go find yourself some other pigeons.

Oh, boy. If only I hadn't bet the payroll
on that fifth race.

Without them I won't be able to handle
the convention crowd...

that's coming this weekend.

There's always a way out.
I'll think positively.

That's it, positive thinking.

That did it, I'm positively ruined.

Gravel Hotel,
where the surf meets the rocks.

- Gus Gravel speaking.
- Hiya, Smoothy!

- We used to call Gus "Smoothy," Wilma.
- It figures.

- This is your old pal Fred.
- Fred? Fred who?

Flintstone. Hiya, Lard.

- They used to call me "Lard."
- Why not?

How's the old married man?

Great, just great.

Smoo, I was thinking of running down
to your place for the big weekend.

Do you think you could give the wife and I
a special rate?

Here's the end of a beautiful friendship.

You can! Gee, that's swell.
You're a real friend.

By the way...

my next-door neighbor and his wife
ain't got no plans...

if I bring them along,
can they get a rate, too?

Tell you what, Fred.

You bring them along
and it won't cost a cent.

You'll all be my guests.

Gosh, we couldn't do that.
We'd want to pay for something.

For our soap and towels, at least.

Okay, Smoothy,
the soap and towels are free, too.

Goodbye, Fred. See you all this weekend.

Boy, what a break.

Yeah, I always could talk old fatso Freddie
into being my pigeon.

If his friends are as gullible as he is,
I'll con them into working for me.

And I'll be able
to handle the convention after all.

Old Smoothy.

I'd forgotten that name, but it fits.

I'm still the old Smoothy.

I don't get it, Fred.

Why would he give Betty and me
a free vacation?

I told you, because he's a sweet,
generous, lovable guy.

There are a few of us left, you know.

It doesn't sound right to me,
but count me in. I'd love to go.

Sure, I'd love to go.

But Barney and I'd rather pay
our own way.

This Gus person won't accept any money.

He insists it's all on the house
for old time's sake.

There's something screwy about
a hotel owner who won't take money...

but I guess we have nothing to lose.

Nothing, except three days
away from housework.

No ironing, no cooking,
no dishes, no cleaning.

- Say no more, let's start packing.
- Right.

- Come on, Fred, let's get going.
- We've got to check our list first.

Go ahead, Barney.

- Dino?
- At the vet's.

- Fishing gear?
- Check.

- Bowling balls?
- Check.

- Ping-pong set?
- Check-a-roony.

- Swimsuits?
- Check-a-doodle.

- Catcher's mitt?
- Check.

- Skin-diving gear?
- Check-a-red-check.

We're only going for three days. We're not
going to compete in the Olympics.

And I don't want to spend the three days
sitting here listening to an inventory.

Okay, we had to do this
so we wouldn't forget anything.

Now we're all set. See?

- What's the matter, Fred?
- I forgot the car keys.

Women have no sense of humor.

Fred Flintstone!

Gus Gravel!

Boy, am I glad to see you.

How are you, fatso?
You haven't changed a bit.

How do you do it, Fred?
How do you stay so young?

Why, I exercise a lot, Gus. I lift weights.

Oh, brother, the only exercise he gets
is lifting food to his mouth.

Who are those two gorgeous dolls?

Where?

That's my wife, Wilma.

Hello, Mr. Gravel.

And Mr. and Mrs. Barney Rubble,
our neighbors.

- How do you do?
- Hiya, Gus.

How do you two guys rate
such beautiful girls?

No wonder I never found
the right girl to marry.

All the best ones are gone.

Now, I'll take your stuff up to your rooms.

You change into something more
comfortable and run down to the beach...

while I order up a little lunch for you.

How about that guy Gus?

What a sweet guy.

It's working out great.

Smoothy strikes again.

- This is the life, Betty.
- It sure is.

Nothing to do but lie on the beach
for three days.

I wonder what the poor people are doing.

Hey, you guys,
last one in is a rotten dodo egg.

- Fred, you'll hurt yourself.
- Careful, Fred.

That's okay, he belongs to a hospital plan.

I knew it.

Hold on, Fred, I'm coming.

- Is he all right, Barney?
- Yeah, he's coming out of it now.

What are you all standing around for?

Let's have some fun!

Fred, can't you stay put for five minutes?

Five minutes! What for?
We're only going to be here for three days.

- Barney, how about going fishing?
- Okay, good idea, Fred...

maybe we'll catch a mermaid.

Come on, skipper, let's get going.

Boy, this outboard motor is heavy.

We're pretty far out, Fred,
I hope we don't run into a sea serpent.

Sea serpent. Don't tell me
you believe there are sea serpents.

Why, that's just a silly old myth.

Well, it could be, Fred,
but I heard stories.

- Fred, I got a bite.
- Pull it in.

- Oh, boy, this is a whopper.
- What did you catch, Barney?

I think I caught a silly old myth.

What will I do, Fred?

What will you do?
Throw him back, that's what.

- Look out, Fred, you're rocking the boat.
- It's you, you knucklehead.

Help!

- Look, Betty, isn't that Fred and Barney?
- How could it be, they're fishing.

Front desk.

Would you repeat that, madam?

No, not that part.

You say there's two men in your room
in a rowboat?

Very well, we'll send the house detective
up to take care of the two men.

You'll have to take care
of the rowboat yourself.

Really.

I was never so humiliated in my life.

You're just lucky
we were able to calm that woman down.

Now, either you stay out of trouble,
or you sit quietly on the beach.

Wilma is right, Fred,
let's just relax for a while.

Relax! Are you kidding?

We're on a vacation.

You and I are going skin diving, Barney.

These vacation athletes get me down.
Where are they now?

Here comes Fred, but where's Barney?

There's Barney.

They're just like a couple of kids,
always playing games.

That's the last time I go skin diving...

with this guy.

Here comes Fred and his gang.
Time for me to go into my act.

Yeah, we're all tired,
but a nice dinner will snap us out of it.

I'll see what old Smoothy
has on the menu.

Hi, Smoo, how about a little lunch?

HEY. pal, you all right?

Hello, Fred.

What happened? You look terrible.

Fred, I don't know how to tell you.
I feel like a heel.

Tell me what, pal?

I invite you people here for a good time
and what happens?

My whole staff walks out on me.

- That's too bad, Smoothy.
- Thanks, Fred, thanks...

but it's my trouble, not yours.

I couldn't possibly ask you to help out.

- Help out?
- Yeah.

Remember how the old gang used to
help each other out in the old days?

Yeah.

None of us have the old help-out spirit
anymore, have we, Fred?

I got the old help-out spirit, Smoothy...

and your troubles are my troubles.

- Gee, Fred, do you mean it?
- You bet I do.

And here's the old gang's
friendship handshake to prove it.

Old Smoothy has had a tough break.
His whole staff walked out on him.

- That does it.
- Yeah, let's get packed and leave.

Leave? Do you mean to tell me...

you would leave this sweet,
generous guy in his hour of need?

How selfish can you get?

He invited us here for a free vacation,
he rolled out the welcome mat...

and then the minute he's in trouble,
you want to desert him.

You should be ashamed of yourselves.

- I feel like a heel.
- Me, too.

Yeah, ditto. Me, too.

You're right, Fred. We should help him.

- Yeah, Fred. What can we do?
- We can offer to help, that's what.

Of course, Smoo won't accept,
being the kind of guy he is...

but my conscience won't bother me
while we're packing.

- Okay, talk to him. Then we'll leave.
- That's the spirit.

Smoothy, we've been talking it over...

and if there's anything
we can do to help out...

you just name it.

Gee, Fred, that's great.

You be the chef...

Barney can be the bellboy...

and Wilma and Betty can be the maids.

Bless your little hearts.

You're true blue, through and through.

Now, if you'll excuse me...

I know you all have a lot of work to do.

So, Smoothy won't accept our help?

I guess he doesn't want
to hurt our feelings by refusing.

Some vacation.

This is what I wanted
to get away from: housework.

At least we don't have to do the cooking,
Fred's got that department.

Speaking of Fred. I've got an idea...

that Smoothy character
planned this whole thing.

Fred is so gullible.

We said we'd help.
Now we're stuck for three days.

Thank goodness there are only four of us.

- What is it, Wilma? A riot?
- No, worse. A convention.

There must be 200 people
pouring into the hotel.

Go get Barney, I'll get Fred,
we're getting out of here.

Roger.

- What a mob.
- Barney!

- Betty, what's the idea?
- The idea is we're getting out of here.

Now let's see, the cookbook says...

to fold in one dodo egg.

Okay, here it goes.

And I say it can't be done.

Fred, get that goop off your face,
we're leaving.

What do you mean, leaving?
We can't let old Smoo down.

Well, old Smoo let us down.
He booked in a convention...

and the hotel
is full of Loyal Water Buffaloes.

Smoothy wouldn't do a thing like that.
I've got to have proof.

Hey, Fred, make 350 (“no burgers,
200 with onions...

150 dodo-egg sandwiches,
26 cheese omelets...

78 fried chicken livers, 82 tunas on rye...

and hurry it up.

That's proof enough. I quit.

But, Fred, how can you do this to me
after all I have done for you?

Hey, Smoothy.

- Hello, Your Imperial Grand Pooh-bah.
- What's the delay, pal?

We've got a lot of hungry Water Buffaloes
waiting for grub.

There's going to be a long wait,
the cook just quit.

- And so did the maids.
- And the bellboy.

What will we do, Grand Pooh-bah?

- The convention will be ruined.
- Ruined nothing. We've got our wives...

the Loyal Order
of Water Buffaloes Women's Auxiliary.

I'll just declare an emergency
and make them do all the work.

- You're kidding.
- Look, boy, back home I'm nothing...

but at the convention,
I'm the Grand Exalted Imperial Pooh-Bah.

What I say goes.

Boy, what power for one man to have.

Yeah, stick around, friend,
I might let you join the club.

Gee, thanks.

This meeting will now come to order.

His Imperial Exalted Grand Pooh-Bah...

ruler of the Loyal Order of Water Buffaloes
will now speak.

Speak, Exalted Grand Pooh-Bah.

It's amazing, Barney.
It must be that kooky hat he's wearing.

Members of the Women's Auxiliary...

we are faced with an emergency.

The hotel staff has quit,
and I hereby order...

the Women's Auxiliary
to save the convention...

by pitching in and helping out.

Group A will do the cooking.

Group B will do the washing and ironing.

Group C will do the cleaning and dusting.

I have spoken.

Has anyone anything to say?

You're out of your cotton-picking mind.

What do they think we are, slaves?

We came here for a vacation.

Caucus, smarcus.
Who do you think you are?

- Look, they're breaking up the chairs.
- Gee, I never saw women get so mad.

Make way!

Here, friend,
consider yourself the new Exalted Ruler.

- After him, girls, he's out in the lobby.
- Let's lynch him.

Good idea.

Come on, Barney, let's get out of here.

If they see you with that hat on,
you're dead.

Boy, what a close call.
We were lucky to get out of there alive.

What do we do now, Fred? Go home?

What else?

Now hear this, you two Water Buffaloes.

Her Highness, your great leader,
is going to speak.

You two sports are going to take us
to a nice hotel...

where we can enjoy ourselves.

Yeah. And we don't want to cook,
wash, or do any dishes.

Capice?

We hear you,
Great Exalted Grand Pooh-bah.

And we obey, Your Highness.

Yeah, if we know what's good for us.

Come on, Wilma, open the door!

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