The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 1, Episode 20 - The Hypnotist - full transcript

Fred wants to show the girls that hypnotism is a fraud, so he tries to put Wilma under to make her believe she is a dog, and it doesn't work on her. However, the stunt leaves Barney barking...

Keep your eye
on this twirling object, Wilma.

You are getting sleepy.

You are asleep.

How about that, Betty?

She's sound asleep. I did it!

That's wonderful, Fred!

You are a big dog, Wilma.

Now, bark.

No, a big one.

A big dog. Wilma, I can't stand it.

Here comes the pitch.
And it's a high fly toward center field.



Rocky O'Toole is waiting for it.

Come on, Rocky, grab that ball!

It's coming down.

Rocky is under it, and he's...

- What happened?
- I don't know, Fred.

Starts acting up like that
every once in a while.

- Did you check the tubes?
- Yup, they're okay.

- How's your antenna?
- Fine, Fred. How's yours?

Very funny.
That's a real double-dandy yack-yack.

Now cut the clowning and let's check it,
before we miss the whole game.

Sorry, Fred.

There's your trouble, Barney.
That nervy bird built a nest on your aerial.

Go on. Go on home.

No, that ain't gonna do any good, Barney.



Here, I'll show you how to get rid of her.

Now watch this old bean ball.

Hey, Fred, you busted the aerial.

Anyway, I got rid of the bird.

Yeah, but how are we
gonna watch the game?

Answer me that one, kid?

Very simple, wise guy.
We go over to my house.

And now, ladies and gentlemen...

it's a great pleasure to bring you Mesmo...

the world's greatest hypnotist.

It's a line drive to left field, and O'Toole
is rounding first. He's starting for second.

Come on, O'Toole, slide!

- Fred?
- Yeah, Wilma?

Will you kindly get off my lap?

Wilma, what are you doing here?

For your information,
I was watching my favorite program...

The Great Mesmo.

Don't you think you're a little old
to be sitting on Mommy's lap, Barney?

I'm sorry, Wilma. I guess I didn't see you.

Well, you see me now. And I'll thank you
to put my program back on.

But, Wilma,
Barney and I are watching the ball game.

We always watch the game on Saturday.
You know that.

Right, you watch the ball game
at our house...

and we watch The Great Mesmo here.
That's the deal we made, isn't it?

Yeah, but...

If you like sports so much, Fred...

why don't you be one
and stick to our deal?

But, me and Barney...

Come on, Barney.

Women always win
when they appeal to a man's chivalry.

What gripes me is, I bet in the future...

people will think we cave men
had it all our own way with women.

Turn it back to our channel, Wilma.
I don't want to miss any of the program.

- How about a sardine sandwich, Barney?
- Swell, Fred.

By the way, who's this Mesmo?
I never heard of him.

He's just some guy
that's got a hypnotist act.

That sounds interesting.

So what's interesting? Anyone can do it.

- Can you hypnotize anyone, Fred?
- Sure I could, Barney.

I never have because...

I'm reluctant to turn
the full power of my brain on anybody.

Of course,
my knowledge of science helps, too.

I didn't know you dabbled in science, Fred.

Dabble? I wallow in it.

I don't show off
like a lot of these college physicists...

but I got it up here.

After we finish this sardine, we'll watch
this guy and I'll explain it to you, okay?

I'm with you, Fred.

I have on-stage another volunteer
from the studio audience.

And I will now demonstrate
how I put the subject to sleep.

You are getting sleepy.

Sleepy. You cannot stay awake.

You're sleepy. Sleepy.

Isn't that wonderful?

- How does he do it?
- I'll explain it.

His metaphysical
dominates the subject, and...

Quiet, Fred, Mesmo is talking.

And now I will make the subject
think he's a bird.

Hey, how about that, Fred? He did it.

Look at that guy flap his wings.

That's nothing.
Just stuff you do at parties.

Fred, please be quiet.

You don't know anything
about hypnotism.

I don't... Really?

You never told Wilma
about your power, Fred?

No, Wilma isn't
of a scientifical turn of mind.

Yeah, I bet she'd be surprised
if she knew, pal.

Barney, will you please be quiet?

Fred is just explaining
how it's done, Betty.

Fred couldn't explain a can opener.

Now be considerate,
and wait outside until our program is over.

You see, Barney?
Women close their eyes to the scientifical.

- Explain it to me, Fred.
- Sure. It's this way, Barney.

Inside everyone's head...

there's a brain. Like the saying goes,
"He has a mind of his own."

I mean about the can opener, Fred.

And until next week...

I leave you
with this metaphysical thought:

Keep those box tops coming in.
Good afternoon, folks.

- Isn't he wonderful?
- I love that program.

And so, when an immovable force
meets a removable object...

it's curtains, and like that.

How lucky can I get?

I got a friend that's a brain
and shoots a good game of pool, too.

Okay, you scientists,
you can watch your ball game.

Looks like Einstein got to the set first.

There we are, Barney.
Back to the old ball game.

And so concludes
the most exciting ball game this season.

It was a dilly,
and I know you sport fans enjoyed it.

Wilma, you made us miss
the whole ball game...

on account of that amateur Mesmo.

What do you mean "amateur"?
He's a professional hypnotist.

Anybody can do what he did.
That's high school stuff.

Really? You went to high school
and you couldn't hypnotize a fly.

Yeah? That's what you think. I can so.

Okay, laugh.
But I could hypnotize you, Wilma...

if you're game to try it.

Okay, Svengali,
I'll prove how wrong you are.

Wilma, go along with it.
We'll have some laughs.

Okay, but keep a straight face.

Come on, stop mumbling. Are you game?

Yeah, Fred, I'm game.
Try and hypnotize me.

All right.

Now, let's see, how did he do it?

Keep your eye
on this twirling object, Wilma.

You are getting sleepy.

Sleep?-

You are getting sleepy.

You can hardly stay awake.
You want to go to sleep.

You're drifting off, off into slumberland.

You can't stay awake any longer.

You are asleep.

How about that, Betty?

She's sound asleep. I did it!

That's wonderful, Fred!

And now,
I'm gonna make her bark like a dog.

A big dog.

You are a big dog, Wilma.

Now, bark.

No, a big one.

A big dog. Wilma, I can't stand it.

Oh, dear. I'm sorry, Fred.
I hope I didn't hurt your feelings.

But let that be a lesson to you.
Don't fool around with hypnotism.

In the hands of an amateur,
it could be dangerous, you know.

A big dog, yeah.

Very funny.

"In the hands of an amateur,
it could be dangerous, you know."

What's the matter with you, Barney?
Come on, wake up.

That's a good gag, Barn. Come on.
You had me fooled for a minute.

Come on, Barn, open your eyes.

That's better. Now speak to me.

Quiet, Barney, the girls might hear you.

Fred, did you say something?

No, Wilma, whatever gave you that idea?

I thought I heard a dog bark.

Don't rub it in, Wilma.

Betty and I are going to the market, Fred.
We'll be back in an hour or so.

- Fine, good. Take your time.
- All right, bye.

Oh, boy, they're gone.

Barney, pal, you gotta cut it out.
Come on, snap out of it.

Now he's playing dead dog.

Oh, boy, I must have hypnotized Barney
instead of Wilma.

Look, don't worry, pal.
I'll get you out of it somehow.

Now let's try again
before the girls get back.

Wake up, Barney.

Eureka.

Oh, no!

That was kind of a mean trick
we played on Fred.

Yeah, but I hope it'll teach him a lesson.

Anyway, I'll fix a nice dinner
and make it up to him.

3, 30...

15... No, 14...

22,15,11.

- That's 97.
-97 cents, Mrs. Flintstone.

97 cents?

You buy a few extra steaks
besides your week's groceries...

- and $1 is short.
- Isn't it the truth?

Come on, Barney, please snap out of it.

Boy, I can't do a thing with him.
He thinks he's a dog, and that's that.

I got it. I'll take him to a doctor
before the girls get back.

A doctor? No, he needs a vet.

Come on, Barney-boy,
we're going for a ride.

Down, boy. Take it easy, now. Down!

Coast is clear. Okay, let's go, Barney.

Hold it, Barney.

Come on, Barn,
you're going the wrong way!

All right, if you wanna play dog, go ahead.
But hurry it up, will you?

Good afternoon, Mr. Flintstone.

- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon, Mr. Rubble.

No, Barney, it's the mailman!

Stop it, Barney.

Sorry, Mr. Mailman. It won't happen again.

I better stop eating
in those cheap restaurants.

Stay put, Barney. Stop jumping around
from one side of the seat to the other.

Come on, Barney, it's for your own good.

I won't let him hurt you, honest.

I don't get it. He's only been a dog
for 20 minutes and he hates vets already.

- Mr. Flintstone?
- Yeah?

The doctor will see your pet now.

Mr. Flintstone says
it's an emergency, Doctor.

Yes, indeed. Let's not keep him waiting.

Now, yes, we'll take...

He looks healthy enough.

His nose is cold. Nice color to his tongue.
That'll be $5, please.

$5? You didn't do anything yet.

You're right, I didn't.

I remember. You're the emergency.
Is that right?

Well, then, tell me all about it.
And don't keep anything back.

After all, I am your doctor, you know.

This is my best friend.

Say, that's well put.
A saying like that could catch on.

Best friend, man, dog. Yes, I've got it.

A dog is a man's best friend.

That could really become big. Real large.

But he's not a dog. He's a human!

He's a... Now, think of that.

With all the new breeds of dogs,
it's getting harder to tell all the time.

Look, Doc, he has been hypnotized
to think he's a dog.

Is that... Are you sure?
It could be a new breed, you know.

I'm sure, Doc. I hypnotized him.

Yeah, I see.

Why don't you leave him as he is?
There's nothing wrong with a nice dog.

Come on, Doc!
Are you gonna do something or not?

Yes, I'll be glad to.

This scientific dog-testing machine...

will test the degree
of his canine instincts.

There, you see? You can't fool science.
He's all dog.

- Where are you?
- Hey, Barney, wait.

Here, Barney. Come back, boy. Here, boy.

"A dog is a man's best friend."

Say, that is good.

I wish I had said that.
It'll probably catch on.

Here, Barney. Here, boy.
Where are you, Barney? Come on, boy.

Here, Barney. Fetch the stick, boy.

That's a good boy. Now bring it here.

That's a good fellow. Now sit.

Got you.

Come on, Barney.
We'll find that guy Mesmo.

Maybe he can snap you out of it.

Heel, boy.

Crazy college kids.

We'll try the TV studio.
Maybe Mesmo is still there.

He's gone. Hey, Barney, where are you?

Holy mackerel,
they're taking him to the dog pound!

Mr. Dog Catcher, I want my friend back.

The dog catcher wagon
just brought him in.

Has it got a license?

No, he hasn't got a license.

Well, that's why he was picked up.
Okay, buster, follow me.

I'll show you what the dragnet brought in.

They're all down there. Can you see him?

Let's see, no.

There he is!

Oh, him.

Why, he jumped into a car
and started a fight with another dog.

- You wanna take him with you now?
- No, he's safe here.

You keep him here until I get back.
I gotta see a man about a dog first.

Usher, please...

could you tell me where I can find Mesmo?

I gotta see him right away.
It's an emergency.

Mesmo's still here, Mac.
You'll find him in Studio C.

Boy, what luck. Thanks.

Here it is. "The Great Mesmo.'

We'll soon find out how great he is.

- Pardon me, Mr. Mesmo.
- Yes?

I wonder if you can help me out.
I'm in lots of trouble.

You'll have to wait your turn, sir.

Okay, lady.

Okay, lady, you are not a bird.

Return to normal.

- Where am I?
- You're at the studio, madam.

Now please go home.

Sir, now pay attention.

You are not a jumping bean.
Return to normal.

Hey, what happened? My feet are tired.

You're okay, sir. Go on home.

Now, then, what do you think you are?

- A bird, a cat, a frog?
- No, it's not me.

- It's my friend. He thinks he's a dog.
- Where is he?

- At the dog pound.
- That figures.

What a day it's been.
The studio audience was extra-sensitive...

and half of them got hypnotized.

I've been two hours de-hypnotizing people.

And do you think my sponsors thank me?
They do not.

They talk about canceling my program.

If anyone at home was affected, imagine.

Barney was affected at my home, Mesmo.

Not so loud.
Sponsors have big ears, you know.

Take me to him, and we'll keep this
to ourselves. Just our little secret.

Okay, Mezz. In a way, you're responsible.
Let's go.

Sure, I've seen your program, Mr. Mesmo.

But let me get this straight.

You wanna change a dog
into a human, right?

To speed things up, yes, that's right.

Okay, try it.

- But I got $10 that says you can't do it.
- It's a bet.

Now which one is it, Mr. Flintstone?

There he is, the cute one.
The one sitting up in the corner.

Attention!

He's looking right at you, Mezz.

When I clap my hands,
you are no longer a dog.

You are a human.

Hey, Fred, what happened?

What am I doing down here
with all these mutts?

You did it, Mezz!
Barney ain't a dog no more.

Yeah, well, just keep it quiet.

Well, there they go.

That Mesmo is good, or it's a racket.

Either way, I'm out $10.

Hey, you with the funny hat.
Look down here.

We demand our release, Warden.

Yeah, I wanna see the public defender.

- I know my rights. I wanna use the phone.
- Let us out, or I'll sue the city.

Oh, no, the dogs think they're human now.

What's he talking about?
There's no dogs around here.

It just isn't my day.

What happened, Fred?
What was I doing at the dog pound?

I'll explain later, Barney.
We gotta get home before the girls do.

Look who's coming, Betty.
It's Einstein and company.

Hello, Barney. Where have you been?

- What have you scientists been up to?
- Up to? Who, us?

What do you mean?

When it starts like that...

it's days before I find out the truth.

All right, Fred, let's go home.

Yeah, sure, Wilma.
Let me carry your packages.

Here, Barney. You can carry this.

So long, Wilma. I'll
call you after dinner.

Okay, Betty.

Barney, just what did happen today?

I won't know until I check with Fred.

And, boy, have I got a lot
of questions for that guy!

Come on, Wilma, open this door!

English

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