The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 1, Episode 16 - Arthur Quarry's Dance Class - full transcript

Wilma and Betty received two invitations to a ball. However, when they tell their husbands, they feel uncomfortable about the subject. Though they never told their wives, Fred and Barney both have "two left feet". In order to sneak out and take secret dance lessons, Fred and Barney join the "Joe Rockhead's volunteer firemen", where men can go out to different events, waiting for a fire call from Joe himself. But Wilma and Betty suspect something, and one night they decide to make a phony fire call.

Mr. Flintstone,
your teacher will be Miss Gravel.

How do you do, Mr. Flintstone?

Likewise, I'm sure.

And Mr. Rubble...

this is Miss Pitchblend, your partner.

Welcome to our studio.

Barney. Say something!

Hiya, partner.

Good morning. You're early today.

Since we got these new mail carts,
I get around faster.

Sure beats lugging this bundle around
on my back all day.

- Is there any mail for us?
- Let us see.

Yep, a letter for you, Mrs. Flintstone.

Thanks. Probably another bill.

That's all we seem to get these days.

Bills, magazines, advertisements,
that's all I deliver.

Doesn't anybody write
just plain old letters anymore?

Well, for goodness sake.

Wait till Betty hears this.

All right, Wilma, I'm sitting down,
and I've got a good grip on myself.

Now, what's the big news?

Well, you read about
the big charity dance...

they're holding at the Rockadero Tilton,
haven't you?

Who hasn't.
It's the swankiest affair of the year.

Right. And the tickets cost $100 a piece.

I know, and that's 200 reasons
why Barney and I can't go.

But you are going.

You and Barney are going
with Fred and me for free.

Hello. Betty, did you hear me?

But will you say
that last part again, slowly?

It's true. You've heard of
Mrs. Beardsley Gotrocks III?

Sure. She's married to
one of the richest men in Bedrock.

Well, before she was married...

Mrs. Beardsley Gotrocks III
was my school chum...

Gussie Gravelpit.

Gussie Gravelpit?

She and her husband were going
to the dance...

but he came down with the measles
or something, so she sent me her tickets.

There are four of them.

Good old Gussie.

Wait till the boys hear the news.

What's the matter, Betty?

Suppose the boys won't take us.

How can they refuse?

We've overcome their only objection.
It's free.

You're right, Wilma.
But just to play it safe...

I'll fix an extra special dinner for Barney
before I spring the news on him.

That's a good idea, Betty.
I'll do the same for my dancing partner.

Wake up, Barney-boy,
we'll be home in a couple of minutes.

I wasn't sleeping, Fred. I always keep
my eyes shut when you're driving.

That's funny, so does Wilma.

I guess it's kind of relaxing to know
I'm at the wheel.

Relaxing nothing. It's terrifying.

Barney, so help me.
One more crack like that...

and I'll pull the plug on this car pool.

Relax, Fred. I'm only joking.

It's a good thing you're not a comedian.

With a sense of humor like that,
you'd starve to death.

Come on, Dino, your daddy's home.

Dino sure loves Fred.

No, Dino, wait.

Dino, stop it. Down, boy. Heel!

Wilma, do something.

Come on, you two, in the house.

Why can't he just greet me
like other pets?

All right, Dino, put daddy down.

Oh, boy. Every night the same thing.

- That was a swell dinner, Wilma.
- Thanks, Fred.

And now for a nice surprise.

We're going to the big charity dance
at the Rockadero Tilton.

Are you out of your mind?
It costs too much.

Free tickets.

- You'll want a new gown.
- I'll wear my old one.

- Well, there's the corsage.
- I'll wear some daisies from our garden.

- After the dance you'll want to eat.
- I'll bring sandwiches.

- Give up, Fred?
- We're not going to the dance.

Come on, Fred. What reason could you
possibly have for not going?

- I got my reasons.
- Fred.

Your idea of a good time...

is watching a ball game on TV
while I feed you sandwiches.

I've gone along with it for along time
because I know it's expensive to go out...

but when we can go to the swankiest
dance of the year for free...

and you still won't take me...

Fred, you're becoming antisocial.

I've still got my reasons.

Sometimes that Fred!

Hi, Fred.

Barney, why aren't you home
watching the ball game on TV?

I had a little tiff with Betty.

A little difference of opinion
about going to the charity dance.

You, too?

Why won't you go, Barney?

Will you promise me
you won't laugh, Fred?

Believe me, I'm in no laughing mood.

I can't dance.

You meet people there
and you're supposed to dance.

It's too embarrassing.

- But why aren't you going, Fred?
- Word for word the same reason.

- Two left feet.
- It's sure not fair to the girls.

I know, and I feel awful about it.

There ought to be something we could do.

We could learn to dance.

- That's it, Barney.
- It is?

But how do we learn, Fred?

How does anyone learn anything?
From a book, of course.

Now look, you run down to the library
and get a book on dancing.

I'll back the car out of the garage.
We can start practicing right away.

Then we can take the girls
to the dance without being embarrassed.

- Right?
- Right. Get going. Pal-

Fred, I'm back.

Not so loud, we don't want the girls
to know about this.

- Did you get the book?
- Yep, here it is.

That's swell, Barney.
We'll start off with an easy one.

- Like the tango.
- Yeah, tango. Here it is, Fred.

The tango with diagrams.
There's nothing to it.

Look, we just follow the footprints.

All right now, here we go.
You sure you got the steps memorized?

Oh, yeah, it's a cinch. Lead on, Fred.

Okay, the tango. Here goes.

- Say, you follow pretty good, Barney.
- Thanks, Fred.

- Barney.
- Yeah, Fred.

Get off my feet.

- But it's easier to follow you this way.
- Well, it ain't the right way.

Now get off.

And remember the tango is graceful...

sinuous, smooth.

- Let's do it right.
- Yeah, okay, Fred.

Now we got it.

Graceful, sinuous, smooth.

So much for the basic steps, Barney-boy.
Now let's try some fancy stuff.

- Ready?
- Yep.

Hold it, Fred.

Hold it. Wait a minute. Fred, let go.

Now what kind of a step is that?

It's not a step, it's my sacroiliac.

Don't worry, Barney.
I'll adjust it for you.

No, Fred. Don't touch me, don't.

Come on, Barney. Don't be a sissy.
I know how to fix it.

Now stop it, will you?
Stop squirming, Barney.

Hold still.

- Fred.
- Barney.

What are you two doing?

We were just practicing
some wrestling holds.

- Wrestling holds?
- Sure. Weren't we, Barney?

Yeah, like this one.

It's called the body slam.

I guess men are just boys
that never grow up.

And if they keep this up,
they won't grow any older either.

- Hey, Fred.
- Yeah, Barney.

You know, I've been thinking.
It's a cinch...

we're not going to figure out
how to dance from that book.

You know,
I've been thinking the same thing.

Look, maybe we ought to go
to one of those dancing schools?

Now you're talking.

We'll drop in
at the Arthur Quarry Dance School...

right after work, and we'll sign up.

Yeah, okay, Fred.
We'll stop by on the way home.

Here we are, Barney. Let's go in.

Gee, Fred, I'm kind of scared.
Do you think we're doing the right thing?

Do you want to take the girls
to the dance?

- But of course.
- Then we're doing the right thing.

- There's no one here, Fred. Let's go home.
- Wait a minute.

- Who's in charge?
- Good evening, gentlemen.

Welcome to
the Arthur Quarry Dance School.

- Can I help you, gentlemen?
- Yes, ma'am, we want to learn to dance.

Well, you came to the right place.

We have a one year, all-inclusive
course that will teach...

One year? We haven't got that much time.

There's our six month course...

but that doesn't include
the Hopi Indian rain dance.

- The Hopi...
- And if you ever met a Hopi Indian...

you'd just be out of luck.

- We'll have to take that chance.
- But, Fred...

- We only got a week.
- A week.

Then you'll need our crash course.

Four lessons a night, every night,
and we might make it.

Good, we'll take it.

- But, Fred...
- Stop interrupting, Barney.

- When do we start, lady?
- Tonight, promptly at 8:30.

Barney-boy, we're all signed up.

We'll be a sensation on the dance floor
by next week.

- But, Fred...
- What is with this "But, Fred" stuff?

What's on your mind?

I was just wondering
how we're going to get out of the house...

every night this week.

Barney, how come you wait till now
to tell me?

You should've mentioned it before
we signed up and paid out all that dough.

Well, I tried to tell you, Fred,
but you wouldn't let me.

- I got another idea, Fred.
- No, not again.

Why don't we join Joe Rockhead's
Volunteer Fire Department?

Okay, I know I'm a fool to ask...

but what has Joe Rockhead's
Volunteer Fire Department...

got to do with our dancing lessons?

Well, if we were volunteer firemen...

we'd have to leave the house
every time the fire bell rings.

And Rocky rings the bell
every night at 7:30.

And how, if I might ask,
does Rocky know...

there's going to be a fire
every night at 7:30?

There's no fire, Fred.
There's nothing to burn in Bedrock.

Everything is made of stone.

But it gives the volunteer firemen
a chance to get out every night...

and go bowling or play cards.
You know, Fred, man stuff.

But with you and me, why, we could go
to the dancing school every night.

- How long has this been going on, Barney?
- A couple of months or so.

What do you think of the idea, Fred?

- I think it's the most despicable...
- I knew you'd say that.

- ...the most insidious...
- I knew you'd say that.

...the most ingenious idea I ever heard.

- Let's join.
- I knew you'd say that too.

Yeah, it's working out real swell, fellows.

To keep the department efficient...

we have a mock alert every night at 7:30.
Get it?

When the bell rings, all the firemen
report to the firehouse immediately.

Get it?

If there's no fire, and there never is...

we disband
and go back home or wherever.

Most of the fellows go
the "wherever" route.

- Are the rules clear?
- Yeah, we got it.

Good. Now raise your right hand
and take the oath.

Do you solemnly swear you will answer
the fire bell whenever it rings...

and never snitch
on our brother firefighters?

- We do.
- Congratulations, men.

I'll see you at 7:30.

Dinner is ready, I wonder where Fred is.

Hey, Wilma!

Get a load of this. Pretty nifty?

What is it, Fred?

It's my new fireman's outfit.
I am now a volunteer fireman.

Volunteer fireman! But why, Fred?

Because I feel it is my civic duty
to protect the citizens of Bedrock.

Barney joined, too.

But, Fred, I don't ever remember
seeing any fires in Bedrock.

Yes, but we in the department know
that there's going to be a lot of them.

- Every night this week.
- How do you know that, Fred?

I can't tell you that, Wilma.
It's a top secret.

They're up to something. But what?

Fred, do you have to eat with that hat on?

I got to be ready to scramble,
as we say down at the firehouse.

Fred, will you stop looking at the clock?

You'd think you were going somewhere.

Five, four, three, two...

There it is! There's a fire somewhere!

Duty calls. Neither sleet nor slush nor...

Well, I'll see you later, Wilma.

How civic-minded can one get?

Come on, Barney, let's go.

Coming, Fred. Wait for me.

We'll run down to the firehouse, Barney,
it'll be quicker.

Betty, did you see that?

See it. I got trampled in the rush.

I never saw firemen so happy
about a fire before.

I guess they just love their work.

Nice work, fellows,
you're really on the ball.

But it's a false alarm and you can all go...


Right, Chief.

Good night, Chief.

You know, I bet something like this
could catch on all over the country.

It worked like a charm, Barney, didn't it?

Yeah, that Joe Rockhead's a smart one.

And it's only a short walk
to the dance school.

Right. We just do this for a week,
and we're all set.

A week. Are you kidding?

I don't ever intend
to let my membership lapse...

in this fine civic-minded organization.

Now, if you gentlemen will leave
your coats here...

we'll step into the classroom...

and I'll introduce you
to your dancing teachers.

Two charming young ladies.

Gee, Fred. Lady teachers.
I don't think Betty would like that.

It's only a lesson, Barney, an education.

Well, I never met a girl yet
that wasn't an education.

Mr. Flintstone...

your teacher will be Miss Gravel.

How do you do, Mr. Flintstone?

Likewise, I'm sure.

And, Mr. Rubble...

this is Miss Pitchblend,
who will be your partner.

Good evening, Mr. Rubble.

Welcome to our studio.

Barney. Say something!

Hiya, partner.

Now, Mr. Flintstone,
notice the diagram on the floor.

- The diagram.
- That is the basic step.

Once we learn that, we're on our way.
Aren't we?

Are we?

Now, will you please try it
as I count off each step?

- Yes, ma'am.
- Ready?

A one.

A two.

A three.

A four.

But, Mr. Rubble, it's all right.

You have to hold hands to dance.

Now, your other hand goes
around my waist.

No, that I won't do.

Oh, boy.
Why did I ever quit secretarial school?

But, Betty, this is the fifth night in a row
the boys have been out.

I never heard of so many fires.

I know, and always at 7:30.

I stopped by the firehouse this afternoon...

but that Chief, Joe Rockhead,
won't tell me a thing.

He said it was restricted information.

Since when is a fire a secret?

There's something fishy about this, Betty.

- Fred is not that civic-minded.
- Neither is Barney.

Look, come on over, Wilma.

I have an idea
how to get our firemen home.

Now, this is your last night,
Mr. Flintstone...

and so far you've practically mastered
the basic step.

Oh, it's nothing.
Some guys just have it naturally.

Yes. Well, tonight we'll try
to apply the basic step...

to various dances.

First the waltz.

Waltzes. Phooey.
I'm a progressive jazz cat myself.

Now, Mr. Rubble,
since this is your last night...

we'll review the dances you've learned,
I mean tried.

- Let's start off with the fox trot.
- Okay, fox trot.

- Mr. Rubble.
- Yeah?

The idea is to wait until the music starts.

Well, what's your idea, Betty?
I'm desperate enough to try anything.

It's simple.

We'll turn in an alarm
and watch our heroes in action right here.

That's a good idea.

Of course, it'll be a false alarm...

but there's something false
about those firemen, too.

- Go ahead and call, Betty.
- Okay.

Operator, get me
the Volunteer Fire Department, please.

Back of Joe Rockhead's garage.

Rockhead's Volunteer Fire Department.
Chief Rockhead speaking.

A fire. Are you sure? Where?

Yes, ma'am. We'll be right over.

Oh, my goodness, a real fire.

We never had one before. What'll I do?

I know, I'll get the firemen.

Yeah, that's it, the firemen.

- All right, lady, where's the fire?
- There is no fire.

Thank goodness.
We forgot to bring the hose.

- You also forgot to bring our husbands.
- Your husbands?

Those eager beavers Fred Flintstone
and Barney Rubble. Where are they?

I guess they didn't hear the bell, lady.

You'll hear bells if you don't tell us
where they are.

Yeah, telephone bells.
When we call up your wives...

and tell them
what a bunch of phony fire-eaters you are.

No, lady, not that.

Please, lady, we got a good thing going.

Besides, we swore not to snitch.

Well, you snitch,
or we snitch to your wives.

You brainwashed it out of me, lady.

They're at Arthur Quarry's Dance School.

Arthur Quarry's Dance School!

- How are you doing, Barney-boy?
- Great, Fred. Nothing to it.

- I like it.
- Me, too.

Boy, won't Wilma and Betty be surprised.

- Hello, Fred.
- Hello, Barney.

- Wilma!
- Betty!

All right, firefighter...

don't just stand there
with your mouth flapping.

Let's hear your story.

Yes, shorty,
what do you got to say for yourself?

- We did it for you girls, Betty.
- That's right, we did it all for you girls.

You mean you joined
the Volunteer Fire Department...

So you could go dancing for us?

Yeah, that's right. It was the only way
we could sneak out every night.

Barney, will you shut up?
The truth doesn't even sound right to me.

Honest, Wilma, this is what happened.

Barney and I thought
that if we could take dancing lessons...

we could take you and Betty...

I sure felt silly when the boys explained
what they were doing.

I did, too.

Imagine those two sweet guys
planning to surprise us all the time.

We're just lucky with those two.
And here they come now.

Back to the ladies
and some more dancing, Barney-boy?

Right, twinkle toes.

Which style of dancing
do you like best, Barney?

I don't know. They're all the same to me.

They're all the same to Fred, too.
Exactly the same.

But who cares,
they're in there pitching.

Come on, Wilma, open the door!