The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 1, Episode 12 - The Sweepstakes Ticket - full transcript

Fred buys a sweepstakes ticket and decides to share it with Barney and give it to him for safekeeping; then Fred decides he can't trust his old pal.

Here's the ticket, safe and sound.

I don't blame Fred for getting nervous
after what happened.


What in the world are you doing
up on that stool?


Yeah. I saw a mouse.

- Hiya, Joe.
- Hiya, Barney.

- Hello, Mrs. Roxy, how's Junior?
- Just fine, Mr. Rubble.

Cute little pup you got there.

"My mother told me to take this one"

Looks like a winner, Flintstone.

- Fred, what are you doing?
- Hiya, Barney.

- You're just in time.
- In time for what, Fred?

In time to buy a sweepstake ticket
from Charlie.

You're lucky. I only got one left.

I'll take it.

Will you lend me the price of a ticket?
I'm kind of short this week.

Me, too.
I only had enough for my own ticket.

Charlie, could you wait till next week
for the money?

Sorry, men. No money, no ticket.

I can't sell on credit.

Tough luck, Barney.
You might have won a fortune.

You know, I'm pretty lucky that way.

Remember when I won that set of dishes
at the club raffle?

Yeah. I remember you dropped them all
as soon as you left the club.

Wasn't that lucky?

I could have dropped them
after I got home.

Very funny.

Anyway, I hope you win, Fred.
You deserve it.

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

I always said, "Fred is
the salt of the earth.

"Generous, kind, unselfish...

"ready to give you the shirt off his back."

It couldn't happen to a nicer
unselfish friend.

Can you beat that?
What a sweet little guy.

That Barney is a real pal.

You bet your life he's a real pal.

You know what you are? You're a schnook.

- A schnook?
- Yes, a schnook.

All right. So you didn't have the money...

but you could have offered
to split your ticket with him.

Yeah, that's what I'll do,
I'll split it with him.

What's the matter? You nuts?
You wanna give away half your winnings?

Don't be a sucker.

What are winnings without friends?

Money can't buy happiness.
A rich man is a sad man.

Take my wealth.

Just let me share a crust of bread
with a true friend...

and that's all I ask.

How sickening can you get?

Yeah, I'll show Barney
that I can be a sweet guy, too.

- Barney.
- Hello, Fred.

You gonna let me buy half the ticket?
You gonna let me? How about it?

Now, how did you know that?

I figured you would, you know,
being such a swell guy.

- Let me see our ticket, Fred.
- Okay. You're in for half, Barney.

- This ticket's got my lucky number.
- Yeah, what is it?

"2, 7, 3, 4, 9, 0, 8,1,1, 7...

"5, 3, 3, 2, 9, 0, 9...

"8,1, 0, 0. Series H."

- That is your lucky number?
- Yeah. Ain't it a coincidence?

Mercy me, I can't see how we could lose.

Lucky number. Let me have that ticket.

No, Fred, I better hold it.
It's my lucky number. You might jinx it.

I'll jinx you good
if you don't let me have that ticket.

- Now give me it.
- But, Fred, Wilma will find it.

You know what happened last year.

Yeah, she started charging things
all over town.

Right, and you were six months
trying to pay it off, remember?

I have the perfect hiding place for it.

Yeah, where?

I can't tell you, Fred.
You talk in your sleep...

and Wilma would find out
and she'd tell Betty...

and they'd both run down
to the store yelling, "Charge it."

Okay, Barney, maybe you're right.

- You hide it.
- Right, Fred.

See you later, and good luck, partner.

You know, sometimes I wish
I wasn't such a sweet guy.

What the heck, the pay is good.

Hiya, Wilma, I'm home.

What are you up to, Fred?
You're keeping something from me.

I know you, Fred Flintstone,
you've got something secret going on.

Now what is it?

I walked to the corner,
turned, and walked back.

What's so cloak-and-dagger about that?

What kind of secret could I get
from here to Schultz's delicatessen?

I don't know, Fred,
but something's going on.

Guilt is written all over your face.

Boy. How do they do it?
They must have x-ray eyes.

Read a guy's mind right through his skull.

"Guilt is written all over your face."

What an imagination.

I don't believe it.

I'll hide the ticket in the lining
of this old suit.

Betty will never find it.

Haven't worn it for years.

Hello, Betty.

What's going on, Barney,
what are you up to?

- Up to?
- You're acting funny.

I was straightening up my closet,
what's funny about that?

Straightening up your closet?

That's the funniest thing I've heard today.

You haven't straightened up
that goat's nest since we moved here.

Look at it: old golf clubs, water skis,
cracked bowling ball...

broken fishing pole, paint pails,
and all those old clothes.

I've a good mind to throw it all out
before the Board of Health quarantines us.

Now, wait a minute. That's my closet.
That stuff might come in handy someday.

It sure will, when we open a junkyard.

I don't get it.

I go to this closet thousands of times,
no Betty.

I hide something in it once
And, whammo, there she Is.

When a guy puts a wedding ring
on his wife's finger...

it turns on a radar that reads a guy's mind.

No wonder they never
take their wedding rings off.

- Betty, are you home?
- Hi, Wilma. I'm in the kitchen.

Where's Barney?

I think he went over to your house
to see Fred.

- Did you get the ticket?
- Yep, here it is.

And believe me, we were lucky.

This is the last sweepstake ticket in town.

Let me have it, Wilma.

I'll hide it before Barney and Fred
get their little hot hands on it.

- How about hiding it under the sofa?
- No.

Sometimes Barney takes a nap
under there. I've got a better place.

I'll put it in this old coffee pot.

He doesn't even know there's a shelf here,
much less a coffee pot.

Now remember, Wilma,
not a word about this to the boys.

Don't worry. I know those two.

If they knew we had a sweepstake ticket...

first thing they'd do
is rush out to the store...

and buy everything in sight. Silly things.

Like new bowling balls,
sport cars, or something ridiculous.

Right, nothing sensible
like a new wardrobe for us.

Say, speaking about wardrobes...

all the stores are having a summer sale
today on their new fall clothes.

And our ticket might win.

- I was thinking the same thing.
- What are we waiting for?

Charge it!

You expecting company, Betty?

I'll go see who it is.

- Yes, what is it?
- Pardon me, my little lady.

My hobby is collecting handouts:

old clothes, bottles...

money, small change.

Anything you may wish to dispose of.

Wait a minute, I'll see.

- Who is it, Betty?
- Some poor old fellow down on his luck.

I'll see what Barney's got
in that closet of his.

This ought to do.

Barney hasn't worn this thing for years.
He'll never miss it.

Thank you, lady.

Your generosity is appreciated.

Okay, Betty,
you did your good deed for the day.

Now let's do something nice for ourselves.

I'm with you.

Charge it!

Boy, when our ticket wins
we'll do big things, Barney.

And how. We'll treat the bowling team
to a free game.

Yeah, we'll have a pizza-pie spread
for the whole gang.

Look, Fred, there's Wilma and Betty.

I wonder where they're going.

Charge it!

Does that answer your question?

Betty must have found
our sweepstake ticket.

Impossible, Fred. That ticket is hidden
where nobody can find it.

Absolutely nobody.

What's the matter, Barney,
you sick or something? You look green.

Excuse me, Fred, I'll be right back.

I got to check up on something.


After him, Fred.
That old guy that just passed by.

He has our sweepstake ticket
in the pocket.

- You! Stop, come back here!
- That's my jacket.

You knucklehead. The ticket's hidden
where no one will find it?

Hold it, mister!

Okay, pop, off with the coat.

Stand back
or I'll clobber you with this cane.

- Where did you get that coat?
- Make one false move...

and I'll beat a tattoo on your noggin.

Okay, you can keep the coat, pop.
All we want is the ticket.

Here's a one-way ticket to Lumpsville.

Take that. And that.

Help. police!

Hold him, Fred, while I take the coat off.

Two against one.
I have seen enough, let's go.

It's only fair to warn you.
I've studied judo.

- Relax, pop, all we want is the ticket.
- Yeah, you can have the coat.

Put that old man down.

- He hit us first.
- It's not like it looks, Officer.

It never is.

Hello. It's you, Fred.

I've been looking all over for you.
Where are you?

The police station?

Yeah, and Barney's with me.

Now listen, get ahold of Betty
and come right down here.

She can clear up the whole thing.

Search me, Betty.
All I know is they're in on an 803...

and that you can clear it up.

- What's an 803?
- Attacking an old man with his own cane.

Even Perry Masonary
couldn't clear that up.

And that's the way it happened, sir.

Barney didn't know I'd given his coat
to that nice old man.

Okay, lady, I'll let him go.

But let this be a lesson to you.

A man's closet should be sacred.

What looks like junk to a wife...

may have great sentimental value
to a husband.

Last year, my wife threw out
a pair of sneakers...

I had for 16 years.

But for the children's sake
we're back together again.

Al, release the prisoners.

Men, they sure stick together.

Barney, I didn't get a chance to ask you
on the way home...

did you get the ticket out of the coat...

- before the caps took us in?
- I sure did, partner.

Good, bring it over to my house,
I'll take care of it from now on.

That ain't necessary, Fred.

I've got it hidden where
no one will find it.

Yeah? That's what you said before,
only Betty almost gave it away.

Don't worry, partner,
she won't find it this time. Trust me.

Betty would never think of looking
in that old cookie jar.

It's too obvious.
But I better check it to make sure.

Here's the ticket, safe and sound.

I don't blame Fred for getting nervous
after what happened.


What in the world are you doing
up on that stool?


Yeah. I saw a mouse.

Get down from there
and stop your nonsense. Dinner's ready.

Okay, dear.

I wonder.

It's here all right.

For a minute I thought he found our ticket.

Flintstone, wake up.

- Hello, sucker.
- Sucker?

You buy a sweepstake ticket...

and you haven't seen hide nor hair
of it since.

In my book that makes you a sucker.

Hasn't it dawned on you
that your partner, Barney...

might have some gimmick going
where he'll cop all the dough?

Don't listen to him, Frederick.

You know Barney is honest
and trustworthy.

- You must have dignity.
- Dignity, shmignity!

That's out where money is concerned.

And as far as you're concerned...

you're out, too.

Now listen
before that goody-goody guy comes back.

You want to hold that ticket for a while,
don't you, to protect your interest?

You bet.

Betty and Barney are asleep.
So sneak over there and get it.

Sneak over and get it.

But suppose they see me?
How could I explain that?


Just make believe
you're walking in your sleep. Capisce?

Yeah, I capisce.

And I should be the one to hold it anyway.

Now you're talking.

I hope she don't wake up.


- Quick, stupid, into your sleepwalking act.
- Yeah.

No. Not that sleepwalking act again.

Every time he goes on a diet
he uses that routine to sneak a snack.

Why fight it?

- Good night, Fred.
- Good night, Wilma.

It worked.

Now hurry up, get the ladder
out of the garage and get going.

Now what's the matter?

I feel like a big fat crook, that's what.

So you're fat.
Does that mean you're dishonest?

After all, you're stealing what was yours
in the first place.

- Yeah, you're right.
- So get going already.

I hate to do this,
but it's for his own good.

Can't you do anything wrong right?
What happened?

- Somebody pushed the ladder.
- Yeah, and I know who.

Wait here.

Oh, me. Oh, my.

Scram! Okay, the coast is clear.

No, Frederick, don't do it.

If you set one foot in that house
you'll be sorry.

Don't listen to him.
You know good guys never win.

And if you know what's good for you,
you'll blow.

Yeah, like he says: blow.

Attaboy, let your conscience
be your guide.

- Your bad conscience. Get it?
- Yeah.

Good. They're still asleep.

Now, where would a guy like Barney
keep a sweepstakes ticket?

Let's see. I'll look under his pillow first.

Go to sleep
Go to sleep

Close your big, bloodshot eyes

Go to sleep

Good night, Mommy.

Mommy? Ain't that a kick in the head?

Good night, son, but first tell Mommy...

where you hid the sweepstakes ticket.

It's in the kitchen, up on the shelf,
above the stove.

Now kiss little Barney good night,

Okay, son, here's a kiss for you.

He must have meant that old coffee pot.
I'll take a look in there first.

Hot dog, I found it.

You'll be safe with me, baby.
Barney will thank me for it when we win.


Hi, Betty, what's up?

They're going to announce
the sweepstakes winner on the radio.

- Come on over.
- I'll be right there, Betty.

Boy, we cannot lose

All I got to say is you're the lucky number

You're the lucky number

We cannot lose, you're the lucky number
et cetera, et cetera, number

What's the matter with him?

I don't know.
But whatever it is I don't like it.

Let's just get our ticket,
and I'll feel better.

- It's gone! Our ticket is gone!
- Gone?

- Do you think it was Barney?
- I don't have to think. I'm sure of it.

Look, Betty,
isn't that a sweepstake ticket?

Barney Rubble,
where did you get that ticket?

What difference does it make?
If we win we'll split.

- You'll get your share.
- We'll get our share?

What nerve.

Hold it, girls,
here comes the announcement.

And here's the winning number
an the sweepstakes, folks.

It's number: 2, 7, 3, 4, 9...

0, 3, 1, 1, 7, 5...

3, 3, 2...

9, 0, 9, 8, 1, 0, 0.

Series X.

Series X? We didn't win.


We hit it, we won!

We got the winning ticket, you were right.
It was your lucky number!

Congratulate us, girls...

Barney and I just won the sweepstakes!

But, Fred, where did you get the ticket?

Where did I get it?
Just where you hid it, Barney-boy...

right under the coffee pot
on the shelf over the stove.

Coffee pot. Why, that's our ticket!

There were two tickets.

No offense, Barney,
but I just wanted to make sure it was safe.

Which reminds me, Wilma...

my pal Barney and I are going
to run the finances around here...

and we don't want to see you girls run off
on any big spending spree.

Right, partner?

And here's the big news
about the sweepstake winner, folks.

Two local people,
living right here in Bedrock...

- share the winning ticket.
- That's us, Barney-pal.

Congratulations to Mrs. Fred Flintstone
and Mrs. Barney Rubble.


What's he talking about?
There must be some mistake.

Yeah, Fred, and you made it.
You took the wrong ticket.

Thanks for minding our ticket.

- We'll see you later, boys.
- Yeah, much later.

Charge it!

- Fred?
- Yeah, Barney.

Whatever made you do such a thing, Fred?

Some guy gave me a bum steer...

but I'll never listen to him again. Never.

- Hi, pal.
- You again?

Yeah, listen, why don't you go downtown
and get a new bowling ball...

before Wilma spends all that dough?

Barney, how about getting
a new fishing pole...

before Betty runs out of loot?

- Fred, I just thought of a good idea.
- Say no more, Barney.

I just got the same idea.
Let's go.

Charge it!

Come on, Wilma, open this door!