The Fairly OddParents (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript
[upbeat music]
- [clock ticking]
- Wait for it.
Wait for it!
- Watching people
play Slap Attack
always makes me so nervous.
Not me.
I've famously got
nerves of steel.
Slap Attack!
My famously fragile nerves!
[clock ticking]
- [buzzer blares]
- Slap's over!
Count your cards, dummies!
Why is the hand so mean?
And how are you so good
at this game?
- [rolling]
I'm Roy.
I'm good at...everything.
- The fastest slap
I've ever seen.
Except for Wanda
when I try to eat a...
[whimpers]
Shoe.
- Quit yappin',
and count your slappin'!
- How does it know
I'm not counting?
Just count, dear.
Don't anger it more.
- I've got...68.
What you got?
I've got a joker,
the instruction card
that came with the game,
a receipt, three of clubs,
and somehow a Blu-ray copy
of "The Lion King 2 1/2:
Simba's a Lawyer Now."
How did this
come out of the machine?
Great legal thriller.
- It's dark,
but it's important.
- Class dismissed!
- Gah, people!
- Toi toi, loves.
Toi toi!
- Dang, Mom,
That class was double-C quicc!
- Well, we were forced
to cut class short
because your father
had a Big Feeling.
- A what?
- A Big Feeling.
Your father had one,
so we had to cut class short.
Roy, can you handle this?
- Roy doesn't know
what a Big Feeling is--
- Once a month,
every semiprofessional dancer
has a Big Feeling
that they have to dance out
in order to move on
with their lives.
So he did know.
- I've seen a lot of my mom's
Big Feelings over the years.
You know, one time
she had a Big Feeling
while she was driving the car.
I had to grab the wheel.
I was seven.
And I'm a ten.
Anywho,
your father saw a ladybug,
and it reminded him
of a tragedy
he experienced as a boy,
so now he's gotta dance
that Big Feeling
right out of his
semiprofessional body.
Hi.
I'm better now.
Bye.
- Oh, thank goodness.
That was a particularly big--
Cookie Scout cookies!
- [shrieking]
Feeling!
Oh, hey, Roy!
Hi, I'm Cassidy.
I don't believe
we've met before.
What's your name?
We've met several times.
We're in all the same classes
and actually did
a project together
on the origin
of our first names.
Cute!
So do you guys
want to buy cookies?
- [shrieking]
Cookies!
[clears throat]
Sorry.
I have an allergy to...hats.
- I'm trying to win
the Mother-Daughter
Cookie Selling Competition.
And if you win,
you get a prize.
- Like what?
- Oh, a cool, clear phone.
- [shrieking]
Clear phone!
What's a clear phone?
- It's a clear corded phone
where you can see
all the innards,
and it's amazing!
- Got it.
What's going on with your mom?
- Buckle up, she's about
to have a Big Feeling.
- Super scary when her voice
gets all high like that.
- You could also win
tickets to Shakespeare Con.
- [shrieking]
Shakespeare Con!
- But what kind of person would
want to go to that snooze fest?
- [shrieking]
'Tis I!
We'll just take a box.
We will take no such box.
Get those devil biscuits
out of my sight!
Okay.
Wait a second.
I know who you are.
My mom always calls you
Runner-Up Ray-Ray.
- [laughs]
- [laughs mockingly]
Well, that's funny,
because I always call
your mother--
line?
- I'm sorry, what?
- I don't--what?
What's my line?
What insult should I call
her mother?
- Farty...
- Foot.
- Tell your
farty-footed mother--
line?
I'm just gonna go.
- Yeah, I think
that's for the best.
- You two, get your booty-o's
to the studio.
This Feeling will
only take a minute.
[upbeat music]
♪ Four hours later ♪
I never won the Mother-Daughter
Cookie Selling Competition.
I never got my clear phone.
And to make matters worse,
I was cursed
with a son.
Oh, don't say that.
- Shh, there's no talking
during Big Feelings.
As I was dancing,
the chances of winning
the Mother-Daughter
Cookie Selling Competition
came crashing,
crashing, crashing...
Crashing!
Down, down...
down.
- [clapping]
- Oh, yeah, Mom.
- Oh, Best Big Feeling yet, Mom.
- Brava! Brava!
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm better now.
We should go.
Yeah, I'll be right there.
Yeah.
As much as I don't want to be
anywhere near
what's going on right now,
I think I have a way
to get me tickets
to Shakespeare Con
and you that clear phone.
- [screams]
- I'm listening.
- What if you and I
entered the Mother-Daughter
Cookie Selling
Competition together?
You get your clear phone, I get
tickets to Shakespeare Con,
us gals get
a little bonding in.
- Vivian, do you know
the definition of insanity?
- Of course, it's trying--
- Trying the same thing
over and over again
and expecting
a different result.
Result, yep.
Well, I tried
against Cassidy's mother,
Cassidy Senior,
and failed many times
and went a little...
[laughing]
Shall we say nutso-butso.
[laughing and sobbing]
It's true.
- Which is why I won't
ever enter it again.
- Well, just hear me out--
- Honey, she's already
heard you out.
- I'm having
another Big Feeling!
[screams]
Crashing, crashing,
crashing, down, down.
Down, yep.
♪ ♪
And get thee to a funnery
at yon Shakespeare Convention.
For at Shakespeare Con,
nary a soul shall
makest thou feel as a weirdo
simply because you yearn
for smart people things.
I yearn for such things.
What ho?
Alack and alas,
tickets hath been sold out.
So...sorry, I guess?
Wait, Sam, are they even
gonna air this commercial?
announcer: Shakespeare Con!
You're not going,
unless you happen to win
the Mother-Daughter
Cookie Selling Competition.
- Ugh, I want to go
to Shakespeare Con so bad.
- Why don't you just wish
for tickets?
- You can't just wish
for tickets to Shakespeare Con.
"Things won are done.
Joy's soul lies in the doing."
What?
It's Shakespeare.
The bard would want me
to earn those tickets.
He also wrote, "No legacy
is so rich as honesty."
That's from
"All's Well That Ends Well"--
- [groans]
- Which is titled
pretty ironically 'cause--
- Will get on
with the wishing already?
Forsooth.
I wish Rachel would
wake up tomorrow
and want to team up
with me to enter
the Mother-Daughter
Cookie Selling Competition.
[both cheer]
Viv. Viv. Viv.
- Vivian!
- [screams]
Hi, honey!
Oh, what time is it?
5:30am. I let you sleep in.
Now, put this on,
tweeze your brows,
and meet me downstairs.
We've got cookies to sell!
[brassy music]
- ♪ She's a stranger from afar
and he's a local star ♪
♪ And now they're family ♪
♪ And they have OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
- ♪ Normal floaty fish ♪
- ♪ Until we grant your wish ♪
- ♪ OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
♪ New shirt, blue skirt,
instant dessert ♪
♪ Swim wear, lazy chair ♪
♪ Chocolate square,
time to share ♪
♪ Gold throne, clear phone ♪
♪ Dino bone, silly clone ♪
- ♪ OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
♪ It flips your lid
when you are a kid ♪
♪ With Fairly OddParents! ♪
♪ In real life ♪
[upbeat music]
- Hey, I put on
my Cookie Scout outfit,
or my scout-fit.
- What?
- [screams]
What--what's on your face?
Isn't it obvious?
- No.
- [sighs]
It's camouflage face paint.
We're gonna spend the morning
hiding in the Cassidys' bushes
hoping to spot their
master cookie selling plan.
Now paint that face.
- I'm good.
- That's funny.
I could have sworn
you wanted to win.
- I do want to win.
I just--
Then put on the makeup.
Hey, Mom!
Going to basketball practice.
Big championship game
next week--
Is first prize a clear phone?
Because if it's not
a clear phone,
I don't want to hear about it.
Of course not.
I'm gonna be outside.
Not because you're, like,
acting funny or anything.
I just like it.
Outside, that is.
I gots to go.
Cosmo, Wanda!
I don't know what happened,
but my mom's got
clear phone on the brain,
and I need to get Viv and me
as far away from her
as possible.
- Newsflash, this was
all because of Viv's wish.
- She wanted to bond
with your mom
and win tickets
to Shaky Pearl's condo.
- Shakespeare Con.
- Oh, thank God!
Pro tip: don't ever go
to Shaky Pearl's condo.
That lady drinks
way too much coffee.
I'll go anywhere.
I've seen her like this before,
and trust me,
it gets bad.
- There's a Slap Attack
tournament in Jaunty Carlo.
That's the jauntiest place
on earth.
Perfect!
I wish
for a Ten-Minute Super Jet,
a sweet hotel,
and a sick travel fit.
There's your clothes.
Give me five minutes
on that Ten-Minute Super Jet,
you'll have a hotel,
when you land,
and can I come too?
- Bro, one-hundo!
Tight!
- Don't you think
people will be suspicious
if they find out you took
a Ten-Minute Super Jet
to Jaunty Carlo?
They won't ask questions.
I'm Roy.
- And I'm Cosmo
AKA Mr. Nerves of Steel--
eek, a person!
[grunting]
I gots to go.
- You gotta cut loose?
- [yelps]
Thank God.
You're not my wife.
- Yeah, she's coco-loco, dawg!
Well, we gotta get out of here.
I know, but to where?
We'd be lucky
to make it to Pacoima
on such short notice.
- First of all, Pacoima's
actually better than you think.
Second of all,
what if I told you
I could get
us a Ten-Minute Super Jet
to Jaunty Carlo
in 4 1/2 minutes?
- I would not ask
any questions.
Is that so?
I would, however, insist
that we scream "Boys' weekend"
at the same time.
both: Boys' weekend!
♪ Boys' weekend ♪
♪ Boys', boys' weekend ♪
♪ Also featuring Cosmo ♪
'Cause I'm a boy.
[quirky music]
Vivian, you look amazing.
Thank you.
Even more bland than usual.
There she is.
Now, put this on.
That's a diaper.
A pink one.
But let's save
those sharp-eyed observations
for the bushes, shall we?
Hurry up now.
Less gripin', more diapin'.
- How does diapin' help us
win the competition?
- We'll be observing in
the Bushes Cassidy all morning
hoping to spot their master
cookie selling plan.
We won't have time
for bathroom breaks.
I need a minute.
Soldier!
Take the pink diaper!
Oh, I gots to go.
- You're the third person
I've heard say that today.
Well, Rachel's lost it.
I want to win,
but not if it means
spending all day diaper-peeing
in the Bushes Cassidy.
- Well, Cosmo jetted
to Jaunty Carlo with the boys.
Yeah, I know.
My dad just sent me this video.
- Viv, Roy is amazing
at Slap Attack.
[buzzer blares]
Another win, young man!
- [all cheering]
- Let's go!
- He's very focused
on winning the tournament.
Maybe too focused.
I think he's even wearing
a diaper.
A fine masculine pink,
but still.
Hope my wife
isn't going too far.
Love, your father.
Me, Ty Turner.
How do we turn this thing off?
Can't just be the End button.
- Must be nice just to avoid
all your problems.
- Sure.
- Wait, that gives me an idea.
I'll just quit.
Problem avoided!
Exactly.
Phone, wallet, keys, diaper.
Hey, honey!
Ready to spend the day
squatting, spying, and selling?
Yeah, about that.
I think I want to qui--
- [doorbell rings]
- Hold on!
I desperately want to know
what you're gonna say,
but the ding has donged,
and I need to open
the--Cassidy!
- Well, well,
if it isn't Runner-Up Ray-Ray.
Is that mud on your face
or poop?
It's none of your business.
But it's also not poop.
Right?
- What do you want,
Cassidy Senior?
- Oh, I heard you were
back in the cookie game,
which I found shocking,
considering how often
you crumble.
- [laughs]
Good one.
[laughs mockingly]
Well, you are...
line?
- I got you.
[clears throat]
Methinks thine brains
are as dry as biscuits
after a yearlong voyage.
It's Shakespeare.
- Well, let me make
something Shakes-clear.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- [in slow-motion]
No.
Boop, boop, beep, boop.
You only dialed four numbers.
Hi, Mommy. Can you hear me?
Those aren't even connected.
- Actually, you're coming
in crystal clear.
- You're right next
to each other.
- And we're right across
from a couple of losers.
[barks]
- Well, tell them
that my daddy, Cassido,
is selling our cookies
in the lobby
of every hotel he owns.
- Cassido owns a lot of hotels,
and everyone goes to the lobby.
That's true.
- Well, I'm afraid
we must be off.
We have a competition
to win...again.
[barks]
As Shakespeare said,
"Yeet yeet, mother-daughters."
Shakespeare never said that!
[snarling]
I hate them.
Me too.
[growls]
But wait, earlier you said,
"I think I wanna qui--"
but you didn't finish
because the doorbell
interrupted you.
Tell me exactly
what you were gonna say.
- I was saying
I think I want to...
Quickly crush them
in this cookie selling
competition.
Now let's go, new stepmom!
Let's sell some cookies!
Let's sell all the cookies!
[both grunt, howl]
♪ 14 hours later ♪
- We have sold
none of the cookies.
- Vivian,
I just want you to know
that even though we spent
five hours in the bushes
to no great effect
and another nine hours
selling only one box
of cookies,
to Shaky Pearl, no less--
- You two want to come over
to my condo, drink coffee,
and watch five straight hours
of potato sack racing?
- Not today,
not ever, Pearlina.
Copy that.
- Anyway, today wasn't
all that bad,
because we spent it together.
Just us girls.
And tomorrow, I think
we'll look back and say
we did a good thing.
Viv?
Vivian!
[screams]
Mama did a bad thing.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Rachel, what is going on?
Well, good news and bad news.
First, we won.
We sold the most cookies.
Yay!
- To ourselves?
- Uh-huh.
I looked it up
and there's no rule
against buying our own cookies,
so I repeat, yay!
Wait, what's the bad news?
- Oh, right. How do I put this?
[clears throat]
In order to buy
this many cookies at once,
I had to borrow a lot of money.
- How much?
- $50,000.
$50,000?
- Right?
Take that, Cassidys!
That was not necessary.
Anyway, how'd you borrow
that much money overnight?
- I took out
this ten-hour super loan
from this 12-year-old
millionaire that likes boats.
John Dollarbutts?
Nate Buxaplenty?
That's it!
- He's the worst.
He goes to my school.
Why would you do that?
- I was desperate!
I needed the money.
Clear phone.
Your beloved Shakespeare Con.
- Okay, let's just think
for a minute.
Oh, thinking. Great idea.
You go first.
- Okay, when are
the ten hours up
for this ten-hour loan?
- Uh...
[doorbell rings]
Now?
I sowwy.
Rachel, what are we gonna do?
Don't worry.
I will go downstairs
and fix this right now.
And before you say,
"Stop, you majestic Pegasus
of a woman.
You'll only make things worse,"
I promise
I won't make things worse.
Love you like a stepdaughter.
Mwah.
- Ugh, Wanda,
a little help, please?
- Looks like
you're in a real jam, honey.
Is it my turn to wish?
According to my ledger,
Roy just wished
for a fresh pink diaper.
- Wow, okay.
Well, I wish for $50,000.
[drooping brass note]
What happened?
- You can't wish
for money, dear.
It's against Da Rules.
- Oh, I wish I could
think of something.
Done!
[giggling]
- You know, I'd expect
this kind of thing from Cosmo,
but not you.
Oh, I miss him so much,
I just had to do
something stupid.
[upbeat percussive music]
♪ ♪
Oh, good, Viv. You're here.
You're not gonna believe this,
but I made things worse.
Vivian, old girl.
It would appear that the butler
has forgotten the shoes.
Huh?
- Oh, you know
the popular expression:
"A storm always brews when
the butler forgets the shoes."
Put in terms someone without
four yachts can understand,
you're in trouble.
[dramatic music]
I sowwy.
♪ ♪
[clock ticking]
[buzzer blares]
- And the winner of this
Slap Attack tournament is...
Roy Raskin.
- Whoo!
Let's go, Jaunty Carlo!
- Hey, everybody, this is
my pink-diaper-wearing stepson,
and I love him!
Here are your winnings.
50,000 Jaunty bucks. Enjoy.
Wow.
- I remember my first time
seeing four bags of cash.
My name is Cassido Cassidy.
I'm the owner
of this hotel and lobby.
And I'm also, how do you say,
the owner of many questions
about how this boy
of a few years
in a pink diaper
wins the biggest
Slap Attack tournament
in all of Jaunty Carlo.
That's just Roy being Roy.
Hi, I'm Ty Turner.
We're from Dimmsdale.
- Ah, I too call Dimmsdale home
when I'm not in Jaunty Carlo,
where I have noticed
that it is the boys
with the faces of angels
who cheat like devils.
- What?
I slapped fair and square.
- Now, you listen
to me, Cassido.
No one calls
my angel-faced stepson
a cheating devil
when I'm around.
Not unless they're prepared
to fight.
Dance fight.
Ooh, you in trouble now,
because my stepdad is
a semiprofessional dancer
with Big Feelings!
- I believe it is you
that is in trouble, my friend.
You see, I am
a fully professional dancer.
[Latin guitar music]
Well, I...
am fully intimidated
♪ ♪
- Roy, buddy,
our Ten-Minute Super Jet
back to Dimmsdale
leaves in five minutes.
You gotta wish us out of here.
I can't.
If you poof Ty with us,
he'll find out
about fairy godparents.
- Well, what are we gonna do,
baby boo?
Oh, I got an idea.
I just need to distract Ty
at just...
The right...
Time. Ty, watch out!
There's a ladybug!
- [yelps]
Where?
I wish that
the three of us were on
that Ten-Minute Super Jet
back to Dimmsdale.
- That was...how do you say--
nutso-butso.
I don't understand
how you possibly could have
made this worse.
Okay, here's the tea.
I paid back the ten-hour
$50,000 super loan we owed Nate
by taking out a new
ten-minute $50,000 super loan.
Also for Nate.
So we still owe him $50,000.
- Yers, but I bought us
ten minutes.
- Yay!
- Yay.
- I heard yaying,
which seems odd
considering what will happen
if I'm not paid in full
in two minutes' time.
- Your goons will
break our kneecaps?
Ha, you wish!
My goons will give you
a wicked case of...
[dramatic musical flourish]
Poison ivy.
[both scream]
Fear not, kitty cats.
both: Ew.
- You have two options
to relieve you of your debt.
One, you can be my friend
for a single afternoon.
No.
As expected.
Option two: a miracle walks
through that door
holding 50,000
in cold, hard cash.
Well, then, as the mangrove
says to the manatees,
"You, my whiskered
sea cow, are"--
I won 50,000!
In cold, hard cash.
- Ha, I thought
it might end this way.
Oh, hey. Sup, Nate?
[clicks tongue]
- Ahoy, ahoy, Roy.
You're looking healthy.
- Uh, Nate, would you accept
50,000 in Jaunty bucks?
With great pleasure.
Roy, give him all the money.
No time to explain.
[yelps]
Goons, pick those up
and count it.
One, two, three...
50, boss. It's all here.
- Seems you've managed
to escape
the sticky tentacles
of my friendship.
Yes, friendship.
- You know,
they say friendship...
- Very important.
- Is like waiting on your yacht
hoping
for the perfect place to--
- You're still young.
You'll make lots of friends.
Okay, thank you.
[bush rustles]
Ahoy! I fell on a bush!
So how was your weekend?
[knocking on door]
- So you bought
all the cookies yourself?
Brilliant move.
As the past winners
of the Mother-Daughter
Cookie Selling Competition,
we award you
with this clear phone...
[gasping]
- And tickets
to Shakespeare Con.
- Thank you, Cassidys,
and on behalf of myself
and my majestic Pegasus
of a stepmother,
I'd like to say,
"Yeet yeet, mother-daughters!"
[both screaming]
Hey.
♪ Boys' weekend ♪
♪ Boys', boys' weekend ♪
[upbeat music]
I missed you, Cosmo.
- Did you do something stupid
'cause you missed me?
I did.
Did you do something stupid
'cause you're you?
Yes, with a capital W.
Oh, Cosmo.
♪ ♪
- [clock ticking]
- Wait for it.
Wait for it!
- Watching people
play Slap Attack
always makes me so nervous.
Not me.
I've famously got
nerves of steel.
Slap Attack!
My famously fragile nerves!
[clock ticking]
- [buzzer blares]
- Slap's over!
Count your cards, dummies!
Why is the hand so mean?
And how are you so good
at this game?
- [rolling]
I'm Roy.
I'm good at...everything.
- The fastest slap
I've ever seen.
Except for Wanda
when I try to eat a...
[whimpers]
Shoe.
- Quit yappin',
and count your slappin'!
- How does it know
I'm not counting?
Just count, dear.
Don't anger it more.
- I've got...68.
What you got?
I've got a joker,
the instruction card
that came with the game,
a receipt, three of clubs,
and somehow a Blu-ray copy
of "The Lion King 2 1/2:
Simba's a Lawyer Now."
How did this
come out of the machine?
Great legal thriller.
- It's dark,
but it's important.
- Class dismissed!
- Gah, people!
- Toi toi, loves.
Toi toi!
- Dang, Mom,
That class was double-C quicc!
- Well, we were forced
to cut class short
because your father
had a Big Feeling.
- A what?
- A Big Feeling.
Your father had one,
so we had to cut class short.
Roy, can you handle this?
- Roy doesn't know
what a Big Feeling is--
- Once a month,
every semiprofessional dancer
has a Big Feeling
that they have to dance out
in order to move on
with their lives.
So he did know.
- I've seen a lot of my mom's
Big Feelings over the years.
You know, one time
she had a Big Feeling
while she was driving the car.
I had to grab the wheel.
I was seven.
And I'm a ten.
Anywho,
your father saw a ladybug,
and it reminded him
of a tragedy
he experienced as a boy,
so now he's gotta dance
that Big Feeling
right out of his
semiprofessional body.
Hi.
I'm better now.
Bye.
- Oh, thank goodness.
That was a particularly big--
Cookie Scout cookies!
- [shrieking]
Feeling!
Oh, hey, Roy!
Hi, I'm Cassidy.
I don't believe
we've met before.
What's your name?
We've met several times.
We're in all the same classes
and actually did
a project together
on the origin
of our first names.
Cute!
So do you guys
want to buy cookies?
- [shrieking]
Cookies!
[clears throat]
Sorry.
I have an allergy to...hats.
- I'm trying to win
the Mother-Daughter
Cookie Selling Competition.
And if you win,
you get a prize.
- Like what?
- Oh, a cool, clear phone.
- [shrieking]
Clear phone!
What's a clear phone?
- It's a clear corded phone
where you can see
all the innards,
and it's amazing!
- Got it.
What's going on with your mom?
- Buckle up, she's about
to have a Big Feeling.
- Super scary when her voice
gets all high like that.
- You could also win
tickets to Shakespeare Con.
- [shrieking]
Shakespeare Con!
- But what kind of person would
want to go to that snooze fest?
- [shrieking]
'Tis I!
We'll just take a box.
We will take no such box.
Get those devil biscuits
out of my sight!
Okay.
Wait a second.
I know who you are.
My mom always calls you
Runner-Up Ray-Ray.
- [laughs]
- [laughs mockingly]
Well, that's funny,
because I always call
your mother--
line?
- I'm sorry, what?
- I don't--what?
What's my line?
What insult should I call
her mother?
- Farty...
- Foot.
- Tell your
farty-footed mother--
line?
I'm just gonna go.
- Yeah, I think
that's for the best.
- You two, get your booty-o's
to the studio.
This Feeling will
only take a minute.
[upbeat music]
♪ Four hours later ♪
I never won the Mother-Daughter
Cookie Selling Competition.
I never got my clear phone.
And to make matters worse,
I was cursed
with a son.
Oh, don't say that.
- Shh, there's no talking
during Big Feelings.
As I was dancing,
the chances of winning
the Mother-Daughter
Cookie Selling Competition
came crashing,
crashing, crashing...
Crashing!
Down, down...
down.
- [clapping]
- Oh, yeah, Mom.
- Oh, Best Big Feeling yet, Mom.
- Brava! Brava!
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm better now.
We should go.
Yeah, I'll be right there.
Yeah.
As much as I don't want to be
anywhere near
what's going on right now,
I think I have a way
to get me tickets
to Shakespeare Con
and you that clear phone.
- [screams]
- I'm listening.
- What if you and I
entered the Mother-Daughter
Cookie Selling
Competition together?
You get your clear phone, I get
tickets to Shakespeare Con,
us gals get
a little bonding in.
- Vivian, do you know
the definition of insanity?
- Of course, it's trying--
- Trying the same thing
over and over again
and expecting
a different result.
Result, yep.
Well, I tried
against Cassidy's mother,
Cassidy Senior,
and failed many times
and went a little...
[laughing]
Shall we say nutso-butso.
[laughing and sobbing]
It's true.
- Which is why I won't
ever enter it again.
- Well, just hear me out--
- Honey, she's already
heard you out.
- I'm having
another Big Feeling!
[screams]
Crashing, crashing,
crashing, down, down.
Down, yep.
♪ ♪
And get thee to a funnery
at yon Shakespeare Convention.
For at Shakespeare Con,
nary a soul shall
makest thou feel as a weirdo
simply because you yearn
for smart people things.
I yearn for such things.
What ho?
Alack and alas,
tickets hath been sold out.
So...sorry, I guess?
Wait, Sam, are they even
gonna air this commercial?
announcer: Shakespeare Con!
You're not going,
unless you happen to win
the Mother-Daughter
Cookie Selling Competition.
- Ugh, I want to go
to Shakespeare Con so bad.
- Why don't you just wish
for tickets?
- You can't just wish
for tickets to Shakespeare Con.
"Things won are done.
Joy's soul lies in the doing."
What?
It's Shakespeare.
The bard would want me
to earn those tickets.
He also wrote, "No legacy
is so rich as honesty."
That's from
"All's Well That Ends Well"--
- [groans]
- Which is titled
pretty ironically 'cause--
- Will get on
with the wishing already?
Forsooth.
I wish Rachel would
wake up tomorrow
and want to team up
with me to enter
the Mother-Daughter
Cookie Selling Competition.
[both cheer]
Viv. Viv. Viv.
- Vivian!
- [screams]
Hi, honey!
Oh, what time is it?
5:30am. I let you sleep in.
Now, put this on,
tweeze your brows,
and meet me downstairs.
We've got cookies to sell!
[brassy music]
- ♪ She's a stranger from afar
and he's a local star ♪
♪ And now they're family ♪
♪ And they have OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
- ♪ Normal floaty fish ♪
- ♪ Until we grant your wish ♪
- ♪ OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
♪ New shirt, blue skirt,
instant dessert ♪
♪ Swim wear, lazy chair ♪
♪ Chocolate square,
time to share ♪
♪ Gold throne, clear phone ♪
♪ Dino bone, silly clone ♪
- ♪ OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
♪ It flips your lid
when you are a kid ♪
♪ With Fairly OddParents! ♪
♪ In real life ♪
[upbeat music]
- Hey, I put on
my Cookie Scout outfit,
or my scout-fit.
- What?
- [screams]
What--what's on your face?
Isn't it obvious?
- No.
- [sighs]
It's camouflage face paint.
We're gonna spend the morning
hiding in the Cassidys' bushes
hoping to spot their
master cookie selling plan.
Now paint that face.
- I'm good.
- That's funny.
I could have sworn
you wanted to win.
- I do want to win.
I just--
Then put on the makeup.
Hey, Mom!
Going to basketball practice.
Big championship game
next week--
Is first prize a clear phone?
Because if it's not
a clear phone,
I don't want to hear about it.
Of course not.
I'm gonna be outside.
Not because you're, like,
acting funny or anything.
I just like it.
Outside, that is.
I gots to go.
Cosmo, Wanda!
I don't know what happened,
but my mom's got
clear phone on the brain,
and I need to get Viv and me
as far away from her
as possible.
- Newsflash, this was
all because of Viv's wish.
- She wanted to bond
with your mom
and win tickets
to Shaky Pearl's condo.
- Shakespeare Con.
- Oh, thank God!
Pro tip: don't ever go
to Shaky Pearl's condo.
That lady drinks
way too much coffee.
I'll go anywhere.
I've seen her like this before,
and trust me,
it gets bad.
- There's a Slap Attack
tournament in Jaunty Carlo.
That's the jauntiest place
on earth.
Perfect!
I wish
for a Ten-Minute Super Jet,
a sweet hotel,
and a sick travel fit.
There's your clothes.
Give me five minutes
on that Ten-Minute Super Jet,
you'll have a hotel,
when you land,
and can I come too?
- Bro, one-hundo!
Tight!
- Don't you think
people will be suspicious
if they find out you took
a Ten-Minute Super Jet
to Jaunty Carlo?
They won't ask questions.
I'm Roy.
- And I'm Cosmo
AKA Mr. Nerves of Steel--
eek, a person!
[grunting]
I gots to go.
- You gotta cut loose?
- [yelps]
Thank God.
You're not my wife.
- Yeah, she's coco-loco, dawg!
Well, we gotta get out of here.
I know, but to where?
We'd be lucky
to make it to Pacoima
on such short notice.
- First of all, Pacoima's
actually better than you think.
Second of all,
what if I told you
I could get
us a Ten-Minute Super Jet
to Jaunty Carlo
in 4 1/2 minutes?
- I would not ask
any questions.
Is that so?
I would, however, insist
that we scream "Boys' weekend"
at the same time.
both: Boys' weekend!
♪ Boys' weekend ♪
♪ Boys', boys' weekend ♪
♪ Also featuring Cosmo ♪
'Cause I'm a boy.
[quirky music]
Vivian, you look amazing.
Thank you.
Even more bland than usual.
There she is.
Now, put this on.
That's a diaper.
A pink one.
But let's save
those sharp-eyed observations
for the bushes, shall we?
Hurry up now.
Less gripin', more diapin'.
- How does diapin' help us
win the competition?
- We'll be observing in
the Bushes Cassidy all morning
hoping to spot their master
cookie selling plan.
We won't have time
for bathroom breaks.
I need a minute.
Soldier!
Take the pink diaper!
Oh, I gots to go.
- You're the third person
I've heard say that today.
Well, Rachel's lost it.
I want to win,
but not if it means
spending all day diaper-peeing
in the Bushes Cassidy.
- Well, Cosmo jetted
to Jaunty Carlo with the boys.
Yeah, I know.
My dad just sent me this video.
- Viv, Roy is amazing
at Slap Attack.
[buzzer blares]
Another win, young man!
- [all cheering]
- Let's go!
- He's very focused
on winning the tournament.
Maybe too focused.
I think he's even wearing
a diaper.
A fine masculine pink,
but still.
Hope my wife
isn't going too far.
Love, your father.
Me, Ty Turner.
How do we turn this thing off?
Can't just be the End button.
- Must be nice just to avoid
all your problems.
- Sure.
- Wait, that gives me an idea.
I'll just quit.
Problem avoided!
Exactly.
Phone, wallet, keys, diaper.
Hey, honey!
Ready to spend the day
squatting, spying, and selling?
Yeah, about that.
I think I want to qui--
- [doorbell rings]
- Hold on!
I desperately want to know
what you're gonna say,
but the ding has donged,
and I need to open
the--Cassidy!
- Well, well,
if it isn't Runner-Up Ray-Ray.
Is that mud on your face
or poop?
It's none of your business.
But it's also not poop.
Right?
- What do you want,
Cassidy Senior?
- Oh, I heard you were
back in the cookie game,
which I found shocking,
considering how often
you crumble.
- [laughs]
Good one.
[laughs mockingly]
Well, you are...
line?
- I got you.
[clears throat]
Methinks thine brains
are as dry as biscuits
after a yearlong voyage.
It's Shakespeare.
- Well, let me make
something Shakes-clear.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- [in slow-motion]
No.
Boop, boop, beep, boop.
You only dialed four numbers.
Hi, Mommy. Can you hear me?
Those aren't even connected.
- Actually, you're coming
in crystal clear.
- You're right next
to each other.
- And we're right across
from a couple of losers.
[barks]
- Well, tell them
that my daddy, Cassido,
is selling our cookies
in the lobby
of every hotel he owns.
- Cassido owns a lot of hotels,
and everyone goes to the lobby.
That's true.
- Well, I'm afraid
we must be off.
We have a competition
to win...again.
[barks]
As Shakespeare said,
"Yeet yeet, mother-daughters."
Shakespeare never said that!
[snarling]
I hate them.
Me too.
[growls]
But wait, earlier you said,
"I think I wanna qui--"
but you didn't finish
because the doorbell
interrupted you.
Tell me exactly
what you were gonna say.
- I was saying
I think I want to...
Quickly crush them
in this cookie selling
competition.
Now let's go, new stepmom!
Let's sell some cookies!
Let's sell all the cookies!
[both grunt, howl]
♪ 14 hours later ♪
- We have sold
none of the cookies.
- Vivian,
I just want you to know
that even though we spent
five hours in the bushes
to no great effect
and another nine hours
selling only one box
of cookies,
to Shaky Pearl, no less--
- You two want to come over
to my condo, drink coffee,
and watch five straight hours
of potato sack racing?
- Not today,
not ever, Pearlina.
Copy that.
- Anyway, today wasn't
all that bad,
because we spent it together.
Just us girls.
And tomorrow, I think
we'll look back and say
we did a good thing.
Viv?
Vivian!
[screams]
Mama did a bad thing.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Rachel, what is going on?
Well, good news and bad news.
First, we won.
We sold the most cookies.
Yay!
- To ourselves?
- Uh-huh.
I looked it up
and there's no rule
against buying our own cookies,
so I repeat, yay!
Wait, what's the bad news?
- Oh, right. How do I put this?
[clears throat]
In order to buy
this many cookies at once,
I had to borrow a lot of money.
- How much?
- $50,000.
$50,000?
- Right?
Take that, Cassidys!
That was not necessary.
Anyway, how'd you borrow
that much money overnight?
- I took out
this ten-hour super loan
from this 12-year-old
millionaire that likes boats.
John Dollarbutts?
Nate Buxaplenty?
That's it!
- He's the worst.
He goes to my school.
Why would you do that?
- I was desperate!
I needed the money.
Clear phone.
Your beloved Shakespeare Con.
- Okay, let's just think
for a minute.
Oh, thinking. Great idea.
You go first.
- Okay, when are
the ten hours up
for this ten-hour loan?
- Uh...
[doorbell rings]
Now?
I sowwy.
Rachel, what are we gonna do?
Don't worry.
I will go downstairs
and fix this right now.
And before you say,
"Stop, you majestic Pegasus
of a woman.
You'll only make things worse,"
I promise
I won't make things worse.
Love you like a stepdaughter.
Mwah.
- Ugh, Wanda,
a little help, please?
- Looks like
you're in a real jam, honey.
Is it my turn to wish?
According to my ledger,
Roy just wished
for a fresh pink diaper.
- Wow, okay.
Well, I wish for $50,000.
[drooping brass note]
What happened?
- You can't wish
for money, dear.
It's against Da Rules.
- Oh, I wish I could
think of something.
Done!
[giggling]
- You know, I'd expect
this kind of thing from Cosmo,
but not you.
Oh, I miss him so much,
I just had to do
something stupid.
[upbeat percussive music]
♪ ♪
Oh, good, Viv. You're here.
You're not gonna believe this,
but I made things worse.
Vivian, old girl.
It would appear that the butler
has forgotten the shoes.
Huh?
- Oh, you know
the popular expression:
"A storm always brews when
the butler forgets the shoes."
Put in terms someone without
four yachts can understand,
you're in trouble.
[dramatic music]
I sowwy.
♪ ♪
[clock ticking]
[buzzer blares]
- And the winner of this
Slap Attack tournament is...
Roy Raskin.
- Whoo!
Let's go, Jaunty Carlo!
- Hey, everybody, this is
my pink-diaper-wearing stepson,
and I love him!
Here are your winnings.
50,000 Jaunty bucks. Enjoy.
Wow.
- I remember my first time
seeing four bags of cash.
My name is Cassido Cassidy.
I'm the owner
of this hotel and lobby.
And I'm also, how do you say,
the owner of many questions
about how this boy
of a few years
in a pink diaper
wins the biggest
Slap Attack tournament
in all of Jaunty Carlo.
That's just Roy being Roy.
Hi, I'm Ty Turner.
We're from Dimmsdale.
- Ah, I too call Dimmsdale home
when I'm not in Jaunty Carlo,
where I have noticed
that it is the boys
with the faces of angels
who cheat like devils.
- What?
I slapped fair and square.
- Now, you listen
to me, Cassido.
No one calls
my angel-faced stepson
a cheating devil
when I'm around.
Not unless they're prepared
to fight.
Dance fight.
Ooh, you in trouble now,
because my stepdad is
a semiprofessional dancer
with Big Feelings!
- I believe it is you
that is in trouble, my friend.
You see, I am
a fully professional dancer.
[Latin guitar music]
Well, I...
am fully intimidated
♪ ♪
- Roy, buddy,
our Ten-Minute Super Jet
back to Dimmsdale
leaves in five minutes.
You gotta wish us out of here.
I can't.
If you poof Ty with us,
he'll find out
about fairy godparents.
- Well, what are we gonna do,
baby boo?
Oh, I got an idea.
I just need to distract Ty
at just...
The right...
Time. Ty, watch out!
There's a ladybug!
- [yelps]
Where?
I wish that
the three of us were on
that Ten-Minute Super Jet
back to Dimmsdale.
- That was...how do you say--
nutso-butso.
I don't understand
how you possibly could have
made this worse.
Okay, here's the tea.
I paid back the ten-hour
$50,000 super loan we owed Nate
by taking out a new
ten-minute $50,000 super loan.
Also for Nate.
So we still owe him $50,000.
- Yers, but I bought us
ten minutes.
- Yay!
- Yay.
- I heard yaying,
which seems odd
considering what will happen
if I'm not paid in full
in two minutes' time.
- Your goons will
break our kneecaps?
Ha, you wish!
My goons will give you
a wicked case of...
[dramatic musical flourish]
Poison ivy.
[both scream]
Fear not, kitty cats.
both: Ew.
- You have two options
to relieve you of your debt.
One, you can be my friend
for a single afternoon.
No.
As expected.
Option two: a miracle walks
through that door
holding 50,000
in cold, hard cash.
Well, then, as the mangrove
says to the manatees,
"You, my whiskered
sea cow, are"--
I won 50,000!
In cold, hard cash.
- Ha, I thought
it might end this way.
Oh, hey. Sup, Nate?
[clicks tongue]
- Ahoy, ahoy, Roy.
You're looking healthy.
- Uh, Nate, would you accept
50,000 in Jaunty bucks?
With great pleasure.
Roy, give him all the money.
No time to explain.
[yelps]
Goons, pick those up
and count it.
One, two, three...
50, boss. It's all here.
- Seems you've managed
to escape
the sticky tentacles
of my friendship.
Yes, friendship.
- You know,
they say friendship...
- Very important.
- Is like waiting on your yacht
hoping
for the perfect place to--
- You're still young.
You'll make lots of friends.
Okay, thank you.
[bush rustles]
Ahoy! I fell on a bush!
So how was your weekend?
[knocking on door]
- So you bought
all the cookies yourself?
Brilliant move.
As the past winners
of the Mother-Daughter
Cookie Selling Competition,
we award you
with this clear phone...
[gasping]
- And tickets
to Shakespeare Con.
- Thank you, Cassidys,
and on behalf of myself
and my majestic Pegasus
of a stepmother,
I'd like to say,
"Yeet yeet, mother-daughters!"
[both screaming]
Hey.
♪ Boys' weekend ♪
♪ Boys', boys' weekend ♪
[upbeat music]
I missed you, Cosmo.
- Did you do something stupid
'cause you missed me?
I did.
Did you do something stupid
'cause you're you?
Yes, with a capital W.
Oh, Cosmo.
♪ ♪