The Fairly OddParents (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Episode #1.4 - full transcript
- Okay, what's your
favorite part of "Hamilton?"
- Ooh, ooh,
I just love the love--
- Oh, for the love
of Lin Manuel Miranda,
will you two stop
loving Lin Manuel Miranda
for one second?
- It's the first question
I asked her.
- Well, I want to talk
about something more manly,
like, "Wicked."
It's a musical about
a new girl finding her place,
even though she's a little
different from everyone else.
Hey, it sounds like me.
- Oh, please, you wish
you had Idina Menzel's range.
- Viv, I need you to
make a wish so I can make
one for myself right now.
- Oh, just
brush your teeth, Roy!
- Ugh, but brushing my teeth
takes like 20 whole seconds.
- Wow, I wish you knew
that's not enough time
to brush your teeth.
Kind of a waste, dear.
- Come on, that obviously
wasn't a real wish.
- Well, I really wish
that my teeth
were brushed,
two minutes brushed.
- Okay, back to you, dear.
What were you gonna wish for?
- Cosmo just gave me
a wickedly good idea.
You want to be green too?
Coming right up!
No, no, no, no!
Like the new girl in "Wicked."
I want a musical number
after school tomorrow
that gives people
an opportunity
to see me in another way,
to see me shine.
chorus:
What are you two doing here?
both:
all:
all:
Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!
What?
Was blastoma
the wrong word choice?
- How about you let
the girl sing?
'Kay.
Shut up!
Ah!
Quit dancing, quit prancing!
And when did you all find time
to rehearse
this musical monstrosity?
- We're just doing
an after school musical
and I was just about to--
- You just struck a teacher
during school hours?
- I gently touched you,
and, besides,
it's not school hours anymore.
- School hours.
That's a detention.
- Uh, Vicky, I don't think
my stepsister meant--
- That's Miss Vicky to you,
and it's also a detention.
On what grounds?
For annoying me,
for sticking up
for other people,
and for being popular
during school hours!
- He can't help being popular,
and handsome,
and sniffable, and yummy!
- I'm gonna lay low
for two weeks.
Two weeks?
- That's how long it takes
for her to forget.
- That's right.
Now the rest of you, scat!
I'll see you two in detention.
Ugh, why is she so mean?
That's just Vicky.
She's wicked
through and through.
Roy's right.
Vicky's been evil
ever since I can remember,
which, to be fair,
is only about two minutes ago.
Hey, look, a balloon!
- Well, I remember
how she was the meanest
baby sitter
your cousin Timmy ever had.
- Wee!
- Cosmo!
Stop trying
to jump on that balloon!
Hey.
I think Vicky
dropped her phone.
I bet her password is 666.
- This is never gonna--
Oh, wow, it worked.
See? Evil!
You know, I heard Vicky
once bought an iguana
just so she could yell at it
all day.
Who yells at an iguana?
- According to this,
no one has ever called her.
Her calendar's just months and
months of "breakfast alone,"
"lunch alone," "tennis alone,"
"yell at iguana alone."
Called that one--
"dinner with a friend,
JK, alone, ha-ha-ha,
oh, God, I'm so lonely."
I think I know why
Vicky's so evil.
Me too.
- She was born that way.
- No.
Not having any friends
can make you lonely,
can make you sad,
and then it can make you
so angry,
you take it all out
on the world.
- Nate Buxaplenty doesn't
have any friends either.
He's a little annoying,
but he's not evil.
That's 'cause he's rich.
He spends time
literally talking to money.
Hello, Mr. Jackson.
Mr. Franklin.
Ulysses, old bean.
What marvelous mischief
shall we get into today?
- I'll bet if I wished
Vicky had a best friend,
she'd been a lot nicer
to everyone,
thereby proving
she's not evil.
- Let's make this interesting,
foolish stepsister of mine.
If I prove Vicky's evil
to the core,
you'll have to wear
a shirt that says,
"Roy Was Right"
on picture day.
- I'll take that action
and look forward to seeing you
in a "Viv Was Right" shirt.
- Wanda, Cosmo?
- Hey, sorry.
I got a Cosmo and
a balloon thing going on here.
- I wish the next person Vicky
sees becomes her best friend.
Alakazoo, alakazam!
Whoever Vicky sees next
will be her best, uh, fram!
- What?
- Fram?
- I've been granting wishes
for 10,000 years.
I'm trying
to spice things up, geez.
- Did it work?
- Hey!
Did any of you twerps
see my ph--
favorite person, Viv!
Oh, no.
- We're gonna be best frams!
See this bracelet?
It means our friendship
is eternal.
Let's go paint mugs together!
Weee!
I regret nothing!
singers:
singers:
all:
singers:
- I'm telling you,
Vicky's evil to the co--
both: Whoa!
What're you doing here?
- We don't have
to explain ourselves to you.
- We thought you'd be
in detention for hours
with that awful teacher.
- Awful lucky teacher
'cause she's got a new bestie!
- Sorry to have scared
your parents.
Ooh, let's make them a cake.
- You know, I probably
have too much homework.
- Well, then, homework
is officially canceled
until further notice.
- Well, well, well.
Isn't that nice?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just want to make sure.
Are you canceling homework
for everyone or just Viv?
Why, everyone, silly.
It's so nice out,
and recent studies
call into question
the efficacy
of homework assignments
for children under 16.
- We heard homework
was canceled.
- In accordance
with recent studies.
Is it true?
- It sure is, boys.
Now go play some sports ball.
- There's a brand new
sports ball court
just down the street.
- And I just got
a brand new sports ball ball.
together: Sports ball!
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
- Are you ready
for a whole week
of nonstop best friend fun?
Sure!
Race you to Dimmsdale's
historically-inaccurate
Paris town.
I've got the perfect bike.
Wanda, Cosmo!
- We don't have to
explain ourselves to you.
- Okay, I wish to get
through the next week
as quickly as possible.
You mean like a montage?
Hmm...
all: Three, two, one, yeah!
all: Vicky, Vicky,
Vicky, Vicky!!
My darlings,
in honor of my one-week
friendiversary with Viv,
all tests
are officially canceled
for the rest of the year!
Now, go home
and watch streaming TV.
- Thanks, Viv.
- Thank you!
- You're welcome.
Just doing my job.
- Dougie let me borrow
his iguana.
Gonna beg Vicky to yell at it
and prove she's evil.
- Nice try,
but you're gonna look great
in that "Viv Was Right"...
T... shirt...
- Viv!
- Was right!
- You guys buying
Vicky's whole nice-person act?
Not at all.
- Vicky does seem like
she's changed.
Maybe she really was
just lonely?
- Then yes.
Yes, at all.
I don't know.
Someone tell me what to think!
- You might have to wear
that shirt after all, kiddo.
- I have week
until picture day.
I know she's still evil.
I can prove it
if I can get close to her.
- You want to be
her best friend?
That's a great idea!
- Or you could just
leave well enough alone.
- You mean
Diana Van Wellenough?
I haven't talked to her
since she dumped me at camp
two years ago.
I cannot be leaving her
more alone.
Who's Diana Van Wellenough?
- The one that got away.
Now can I make my wish or not?
Sure!
- I wish I was
Vicky's best friend.
- Hey, bestie.
- Whoa!
See this bracelet?
It means
our friendship is eternal.
- Not right now, Vicky.
I'm tired.
- Bad news, Viv.
You're old news.
I've got a new bestie,
and his name is...
all: Roy!
Roy's my best friend now.
Go find another boy!
- Ahoy, ahoy, boys.
- Hey, Nate.
I'll cut to the chase.
My family owns four yachts,
two schooners
and a Cold War-era submarine,
but there is one ship
upon which I have never sailed.
Friendship.
I say, friendship.
Anywho, it appears
you boys are adrift at sea.
Care to drop anchor
in Port Buxaplenty?
- Are you ready
for a whole week
of nonstop
best friend fun?
Uh...
- Uh, quick sibling moment.
Please hold.
What are you doing?
- I know Vicky's still
an iguana-yelling,
never-sleeping evil person,
and now I can get
close enough to her
to prove it.
It's your time to shine,
Iguana Menzel.
I said, are you ready
for a whole week
of nonstop best friend fun?
Shyeah, I am!
Whoo!
Wanda, Cosmo.
Present!
- I wish for Roy to get through
the next week
as quickly as possible.
One quick montage coming up!
Iguana?
Dang it.
both:
And then I says
to Olivia Rodrigo, says I,
"You, my dear,
may be able to hit high Cs,
but can you sail high seas?"
all:
- Yes, Dad.
They loved the joke.
Please thank
the writing staff for me.
I have to take this.
- Roy's boys!
- Shh!
We're not boys anymore.
We're mates.
We're Nate's mates.
- Okay,
have you mates seen Roy?
I haven't--
all: Shh!
- Nate pays us good money
not to talk about Roy.
- Yeah,
my mom's college loans
are almost paid off
because of Nate.
Oh, why'd she major in poetry?
Ahoy, ahoy, mates.
Daddy Buxaplenty has the fancy
sports ball court reserved.
Every man to his pony!
- Read this.
Don't tell Nate.
- "Dear Roy's sister
or something..."
They attempt to burn the edges
of this, but not learn my name?
"Roy's taking a nap
in Miss Vicky's classroom.
"Signed, Dougie.
"PS, don't let Roy text
Diana Van Wellenough.
"He does that
when he's stressed.
PPS, you stepped in dog poop."
What the--how'd he...
- Roy!
- Diana, come back!
Oh, it's just you.
- Okay, you can dream
about Diana Van Wellenough
all you want,
but don't text her.
You talked to my boys?
- Yes, that's how
I found you asleep
in your After School
Instant Ribs.
- I got lost in the sauce,
I guess.
Look, you gotta
get out of here, Viv,
Vicky'll freak if she sees me
talking to another person.
- No, she won't.
Vicky is nice now.
Just admit to me that you were
wrong, unfriend her,
and tell me your T-shirt size
for picture day.
- No, she's evil,
and I'll prove it--
after I take another rib nap.
I sho shleepy.
- Oh, been there, bro.
Let's get you cleaned up.
I'm sure there are paper towels
in the supply closet.
- Why do I keep thinking
instant ribs will taste good?
Hey, Viv,
did you step in dog poop?
Uh, Roy...
What is it, Viv?
Is there something
you want to show me, Viv?
Why aren't you
looking at me, Viv?
Viv?
- I see you found
my fairy wall.
both: Ah!
Did one of you
step in dog poop?
Isn't it amazing?
This wall?
It's actually
pretty disturbing.
I know, right?
I wish I could take credit
for it, but I found this
on my first day
as a new teacher
at Dimmsdale Junior High.
- So wait,
if you didn't do this...
Who did?
- This here is the work
of a teacher
who came before me,
Mr. Crocker.
Here's a picture
he drew of himself.
Isn't he talented?
He's currently confined
at the Dimmsdale
Psychiatric Hospital,
and I'm in love with him.
- Wow, okay.
This is a lot to take in.
- Here.
I'll flashback for you.
And while I do,
you can change into these.
- In case of emergency?
Well, hot dang!
- It was my first day
as a teacher.
I'd messed up
an Internet tutorial
on how to cut your own hair
and went into the supply
closet to cry in peace.
The Internet is a lie!
I pulled the paper towel roll
to dry my tears...
And saw the wall.
At first,
I thought the whole thing
was a bunch of hoobastank,
but then I started
to hooba-think.
If you have no friends,
you spend a lot of time alone
eating After School
Closet Pancakes,
and, as it turns out,
getting taken in
by conspiracy theories.
One day,
I saw a familiar name
out of the corner of my eye.
Timmy Turner.
Anyway, I started thinking
about all this weird stuff
that used to happen
when I babysat that twerp!
Like, one time, I swear,
I turned into a snake--
- Well, cool story, girl, but
we should probably skedaddle.
Wait a second.
Vivian Turner.
Isn't Timmy Turner your cousin?
Uh, is he my cousin?
Let's take a minute
and think about that.
Is he my dad's brother's son?
Yes, but--okay,
now you're just writing my name
on the crazy wall.
- One step closer to finding
fairies, my darling Crocker.
Uh, question for you, bestie.
Why exactly do you
want to find fairies?
They're probably
not even real!
- If I can prove
that fairies exist,
then Mr. Crocker
will be released from DPH
and we can finally be together.
- Oh, that's actually
kind of sweet.
- And then we can
make the fairies do
any evil stuff we want.
And there it is.
So wait.
You're evil?
Get ready to tell me your boy
was right, T-shirt size.
Yes, I'm evil to my core.
Small.
- Well, we have learned
a lot today,
which is appropriate 'cause...
Duh, school, but we thinks
it's time for us to leave
and visit
two of our friends who...
Are definitely not fairies.
Why are you trying to leave?
Is it because I showed you
my fairy conspiracy wall
and revealed I was evil
and then farted?
Pfft, no!
I mean, you know,
the fart didn't help,
but this is
a total coincidence.
- Looks like
we've found ourselves
in a good old-fashioned
tug of Roy.
- Oh!
Oh, line up, my mates.
Nothing to reward a hot day's
work like cold hard cash.
- What is it, mate?
Roy's in trouble?
You smell his sweat?
And also, dog poop?
- Do mine ears deceive me,
or do I detect talk of Roy?
A quick but essential reminder
that you're Nate's mates.
- We're not mates.
We're boys--Roy's boys!
Let's go!
all:
Roy, Roy, Roy!
- No--no, wait!
I'll pay you double, triple!
Is it because I cheated
during fancy sports ball
and then farted?
Come back!
- Save me, Viv!
I need my arms.
I'm a hugger!
The Roy is mine!
Boys?
What the?
boys:
Roy, Roy, Roy!
Stop chanting and pull!
Good luck!
Friendship can never
conquer evil!
I'm melting!
I mean, not really,
but, like, emotionally!
Cosmo, Wanda!
- Roy, I got a great joke.
What do you get--
- Let me stop you right there.
What's your wish, sport?
- I wish that Vicky and I
were no longer best friends
and that she would never ever
be any kind of friends
with Viv or me ever again.
Done.
- We thought we lost you
back there, Roy.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- I mean, just two girls
pulling out my arms,
but you did save the day.
Let's hug--
if it's okay with Nate.
- Nate means nothing to us,
and you...
You mean everything.
- I'll just let you boys
do your thing.
Ahoy, ahoy, there, Viv!
Or I'll stay here.
- I can't believe
you boys came back.
We'll always be your boys.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Boys who hug?
all: Boys who hug!
- That was the longest
two weeks of my life.
I promise I will never
leave you again, bestie.
- How'd you twerps
get in my classroom?
See you in two weeks.
Ahoy, ahoy, Zina!
- And why do
you have my slippers?
And why am I dressed like Roy?
I don't know
what's going on here,
but it must be the work of...
fairies!
I'll get you, my fairies,
and your little wands too!
both: Ah--oof!
- Now, shoo!
Go, get!
- Crocker, my love,
I hope you're proud of me.
We're one step closer
to getting you out of DPH
and wishing our dreams
into reality--
a two bed,
half bath condo
with an air fryer
in Rancho Cucamonga!
favorite part of "Hamilton?"
- Ooh, ooh,
I just love the love--
- Oh, for the love
of Lin Manuel Miranda,
will you two stop
loving Lin Manuel Miranda
for one second?
- It's the first question
I asked her.
- Well, I want to talk
about something more manly,
like, "Wicked."
It's a musical about
a new girl finding her place,
even though she's a little
different from everyone else.
Hey, it sounds like me.
- Oh, please, you wish
you had Idina Menzel's range.
- Viv, I need you to
make a wish so I can make
one for myself right now.
- Oh, just
brush your teeth, Roy!
- Ugh, but brushing my teeth
takes like 20 whole seconds.
- Wow, I wish you knew
that's not enough time
to brush your teeth.
Kind of a waste, dear.
- Come on, that obviously
wasn't a real wish.
- Well, I really wish
that my teeth
were brushed,
two minutes brushed.
- Okay, back to you, dear.
What were you gonna wish for?
- Cosmo just gave me
a wickedly good idea.
You want to be green too?
Coming right up!
No, no, no, no!
Like the new girl in "Wicked."
I want a musical number
after school tomorrow
that gives people
an opportunity
to see me in another way,
to see me shine.
chorus:
What are you two doing here?
both:
all:
all:
Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!
What?
Was blastoma
the wrong word choice?
- How about you let
the girl sing?
'Kay.
Shut up!
Ah!
Quit dancing, quit prancing!
And when did you all find time
to rehearse
this musical monstrosity?
- We're just doing
an after school musical
and I was just about to--
- You just struck a teacher
during school hours?
- I gently touched you,
and, besides,
it's not school hours anymore.
- School hours.
That's a detention.
- Uh, Vicky, I don't think
my stepsister meant--
- That's Miss Vicky to you,
and it's also a detention.
On what grounds?
For annoying me,
for sticking up
for other people,
and for being popular
during school hours!
- He can't help being popular,
and handsome,
and sniffable, and yummy!
- I'm gonna lay low
for two weeks.
Two weeks?
- That's how long it takes
for her to forget.
- That's right.
Now the rest of you, scat!
I'll see you two in detention.
Ugh, why is she so mean?
That's just Vicky.
She's wicked
through and through.
Roy's right.
Vicky's been evil
ever since I can remember,
which, to be fair,
is only about two minutes ago.
Hey, look, a balloon!
- Well, I remember
how she was the meanest
baby sitter
your cousin Timmy ever had.
- Wee!
- Cosmo!
Stop trying
to jump on that balloon!
Hey.
I think Vicky
dropped her phone.
I bet her password is 666.
- This is never gonna--
Oh, wow, it worked.
See? Evil!
You know, I heard Vicky
once bought an iguana
just so she could yell at it
all day.
Who yells at an iguana?
- According to this,
no one has ever called her.
Her calendar's just months and
months of "breakfast alone,"
"lunch alone," "tennis alone,"
"yell at iguana alone."
Called that one--
"dinner with a friend,
JK, alone, ha-ha-ha,
oh, God, I'm so lonely."
I think I know why
Vicky's so evil.
Me too.
- She was born that way.
- No.
Not having any friends
can make you lonely,
can make you sad,
and then it can make you
so angry,
you take it all out
on the world.
- Nate Buxaplenty doesn't
have any friends either.
He's a little annoying,
but he's not evil.
That's 'cause he's rich.
He spends time
literally talking to money.
Hello, Mr. Jackson.
Mr. Franklin.
Ulysses, old bean.
What marvelous mischief
shall we get into today?
- I'll bet if I wished
Vicky had a best friend,
she'd been a lot nicer
to everyone,
thereby proving
she's not evil.
- Let's make this interesting,
foolish stepsister of mine.
If I prove Vicky's evil
to the core,
you'll have to wear
a shirt that says,
"Roy Was Right"
on picture day.
- I'll take that action
and look forward to seeing you
in a "Viv Was Right" shirt.
- Wanda, Cosmo?
- Hey, sorry.
I got a Cosmo and
a balloon thing going on here.
- I wish the next person Vicky
sees becomes her best friend.
Alakazoo, alakazam!
Whoever Vicky sees next
will be her best, uh, fram!
- What?
- Fram?
- I've been granting wishes
for 10,000 years.
I'm trying
to spice things up, geez.
- Did it work?
- Hey!
Did any of you twerps
see my ph--
favorite person, Viv!
Oh, no.
- We're gonna be best frams!
See this bracelet?
It means our friendship
is eternal.
Let's go paint mugs together!
Weee!
I regret nothing!
singers:
singers:
all:
singers:
- I'm telling you,
Vicky's evil to the co--
both: Whoa!
What're you doing here?
- We don't have
to explain ourselves to you.
- We thought you'd be
in detention for hours
with that awful teacher.
- Awful lucky teacher
'cause she's got a new bestie!
- Sorry to have scared
your parents.
Ooh, let's make them a cake.
- You know, I probably
have too much homework.
- Well, then, homework
is officially canceled
until further notice.
- Well, well, well.
Isn't that nice?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just want to make sure.
Are you canceling homework
for everyone or just Viv?
Why, everyone, silly.
It's so nice out,
and recent studies
call into question
the efficacy
of homework assignments
for children under 16.
- We heard homework
was canceled.
- In accordance
with recent studies.
Is it true?
- It sure is, boys.
Now go play some sports ball.
- There's a brand new
sports ball court
just down the street.
- And I just got
a brand new sports ball ball.
together: Sports ball!
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
- Are you ready
for a whole week
of nonstop best friend fun?
Sure!
Race you to Dimmsdale's
historically-inaccurate
Paris town.
I've got the perfect bike.
Wanda, Cosmo!
- We don't have to
explain ourselves to you.
- Okay, I wish to get
through the next week
as quickly as possible.
You mean like a montage?
Hmm...
all: Three, two, one, yeah!
all: Vicky, Vicky,
Vicky, Vicky!!
My darlings,
in honor of my one-week
friendiversary with Viv,
all tests
are officially canceled
for the rest of the year!
Now, go home
and watch streaming TV.
- Thanks, Viv.
- Thank you!
- You're welcome.
Just doing my job.
- Dougie let me borrow
his iguana.
Gonna beg Vicky to yell at it
and prove she's evil.
- Nice try,
but you're gonna look great
in that "Viv Was Right"...
T... shirt...
- Viv!
- Was right!
- You guys buying
Vicky's whole nice-person act?
Not at all.
- Vicky does seem like
she's changed.
Maybe she really was
just lonely?
- Then yes.
Yes, at all.
I don't know.
Someone tell me what to think!
- You might have to wear
that shirt after all, kiddo.
- I have week
until picture day.
I know she's still evil.
I can prove it
if I can get close to her.
- You want to be
her best friend?
That's a great idea!
- Or you could just
leave well enough alone.
- You mean
Diana Van Wellenough?
I haven't talked to her
since she dumped me at camp
two years ago.
I cannot be leaving her
more alone.
Who's Diana Van Wellenough?
- The one that got away.
Now can I make my wish or not?
Sure!
- I wish I was
Vicky's best friend.
- Hey, bestie.
- Whoa!
See this bracelet?
It means
our friendship is eternal.
- Not right now, Vicky.
I'm tired.
- Bad news, Viv.
You're old news.
I've got a new bestie,
and his name is...
all: Roy!
Roy's my best friend now.
Go find another boy!
- Ahoy, ahoy, boys.
- Hey, Nate.
I'll cut to the chase.
My family owns four yachts,
two schooners
and a Cold War-era submarine,
but there is one ship
upon which I have never sailed.
Friendship.
I say, friendship.
Anywho, it appears
you boys are adrift at sea.
Care to drop anchor
in Port Buxaplenty?
- Are you ready
for a whole week
of nonstop
best friend fun?
Uh...
- Uh, quick sibling moment.
Please hold.
What are you doing?
- I know Vicky's still
an iguana-yelling,
never-sleeping evil person,
and now I can get
close enough to her
to prove it.
It's your time to shine,
Iguana Menzel.
I said, are you ready
for a whole week
of nonstop best friend fun?
Shyeah, I am!
Whoo!
Wanda, Cosmo.
Present!
- I wish for Roy to get through
the next week
as quickly as possible.
One quick montage coming up!
Iguana?
Dang it.
both:
And then I says
to Olivia Rodrigo, says I,
"You, my dear,
may be able to hit high Cs,
but can you sail high seas?"
all:
- Yes, Dad.
They loved the joke.
Please thank
the writing staff for me.
I have to take this.
- Roy's boys!
- Shh!
We're not boys anymore.
We're mates.
We're Nate's mates.
- Okay,
have you mates seen Roy?
I haven't--
all: Shh!
- Nate pays us good money
not to talk about Roy.
- Yeah,
my mom's college loans
are almost paid off
because of Nate.
Oh, why'd she major in poetry?
Ahoy, ahoy, mates.
Daddy Buxaplenty has the fancy
sports ball court reserved.
Every man to his pony!
- Read this.
Don't tell Nate.
- "Dear Roy's sister
or something..."
They attempt to burn the edges
of this, but not learn my name?
"Roy's taking a nap
in Miss Vicky's classroom.
"Signed, Dougie.
"PS, don't let Roy text
Diana Van Wellenough.
"He does that
when he's stressed.
PPS, you stepped in dog poop."
What the--how'd he...
- Roy!
- Diana, come back!
Oh, it's just you.
- Okay, you can dream
about Diana Van Wellenough
all you want,
but don't text her.
You talked to my boys?
- Yes, that's how
I found you asleep
in your After School
Instant Ribs.
- I got lost in the sauce,
I guess.
Look, you gotta
get out of here, Viv,
Vicky'll freak if she sees me
talking to another person.
- No, she won't.
Vicky is nice now.
Just admit to me that you were
wrong, unfriend her,
and tell me your T-shirt size
for picture day.
- No, she's evil,
and I'll prove it--
after I take another rib nap.
I sho shleepy.
- Oh, been there, bro.
Let's get you cleaned up.
I'm sure there are paper towels
in the supply closet.
- Why do I keep thinking
instant ribs will taste good?
Hey, Viv,
did you step in dog poop?
Uh, Roy...
What is it, Viv?
Is there something
you want to show me, Viv?
Why aren't you
looking at me, Viv?
Viv?
- I see you found
my fairy wall.
both: Ah!
Did one of you
step in dog poop?
Isn't it amazing?
This wall?
It's actually
pretty disturbing.
I know, right?
I wish I could take credit
for it, but I found this
on my first day
as a new teacher
at Dimmsdale Junior High.
- So wait,
if you didn't do this...
Who did?
- This here is the work
of a teacher
who came before me,
Mr. Crocker.
Here's a picture
he drew of himself.
Isn't he talented?
He's currently confined
at the Dimmsdale
Psychiatric Hospital,
and I'm in love with him.
- Wow, okay.
This is a lot to take in.
- Here.
I'll flashback for you.
And while I do,
you can change into these.
- In case of emergency?
Well, hot dang!
- It was my first day
as a teacher.
I'd messed up
an Internet tutorial
on how to cut your own hair
and went into the supply
closet to cry in peace.
The Internet is a lie!
I pulled the paper towel roll
to dry my tears...
And saw the wall.
At first,
I thought the whole thing
was a bunch of hoobastank,
but then I started
to hooba-think.
If you have no friends,
you spend a lot of time alone
eating After School
Closet Pancakes,
and, as it turns out,
getting taken in
by conspiracy theories.
One day,
I saw a familiar name
out of the corner of my eye.
Timmy Turner.
Anyway, I started thinking
about all this weird stuff
that used to happen
when I babysat that twerp!
Like, one time, I swear,
I turned into a snake--
- Well, cool story, girl, but
we should probably skedaddle.
Wait a second.
Vivian Turner.
Isn't Timmy Turner your cousin?
Uh, is he my cousin?
Let's take a minute
and think about that.
Is he my dad's brother's son?
Yes, but--okay,
now you're just writing my name
on the crazy wall.
- One step closer to finding
fairies, my darling Crocker.
Uh, question for you, bestie.
Why exactly do you
want to find fairies?
They're probably
not even real!
- If I can prove
that fairies exist,
then Mr. Crocker
will be released from DPH
and we can finally be together.
- Oh, that's actually
kind of sweet.
- And then we can
make the fairies do
any evil stuff we want.
And there it is.
So wait.
You're evil?
Get ready to tell me your boy
was right, T-shirt size.
Yes, I'm evil to my core.
Small.
- Well, we have learned
a lot today,
which is appropriate 'cause...
Duh, school, but we thinks
it's time for us to leave
and visit
two of our friends who...
Are definitely not fairies.
Why are you trying to leave?
Is it because I showed you
my fairy conspiracy wall
and revealed I was evil
and then farted?
Pfft, no!
I mean, you know,
the fart didn't help,
but this is
a total coincidence.
- Looks like
we've found ourselves
in a good old-fashioned
tug of Roy.
- Oh!
Oh, line up, my mates.
Nothing to reward a hot day's
work like cold hard cash.
- What is it, mate?
Roy's in trouble?
You smell his sweat?
And also, dog poop?
- Do mine ears deceive me,
or do I detect talk of Roy?
A quick but essential reminder
that you're Nate's mates.
- We're not mates.
We're boys--Roy's boys!
Let's go!
all:
Roy, Roy, Roy!
- No--no, wait!
I'll pay you double, triple!
Is it because I cheated
during fancy sports ball
and then farted?
Come back!
- Save me, Viv!
I need my arms.
I'm a hugger!
The Roy is mine!
Boys?
What the?
boys:
Roy, Roy, Roy!
Stop chanting and pull!
Good luck!
Friendship can never
conquer evil!
I'm melting!
I mean, not really,
but, like, emotionally!
Cosmo, Wanda!
- Roy, I got a great joke.
What do you get--
- Let me stop you right there.
What's your wish, sport?
- I wish that Vicky and I
were no longer best friends
and that she would never ever
be any kind of friends
with Viv or me ever again.
Done.
- We thought we lost you
back there, Roy.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- I mean, just two girls
pulling out my arms,
but you did save the day.
Let's hug--
if it's okay with Nate.
- Nate means nothing to us,
and you...
You mean everything.
- I'll just let you boys
do your thing.
Ahoy, ahoy, there, Viv!
Or I'll stay here.
- I can't believe
you boys came back.
We'll always be your boys.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Boys who hug?
all: Boys who hug!
- That was the longest
two weeks of my life.
I promise I will never
leave you again, bestie.
- How'd you twerps
get in my classroom?
See you in two weeks.
Ahoy, ahoy, Zina!
- And why do
you have my slippers?
And why am I dressed like Roy?
I don't know
what's going on here,
but it must be the work of...
fairies!
I'll get you, my fairies,
and your little wands too!
both: Ah--oof!
- Now, shoo!
Go, get!
- Crocker, my love,
I hope you're proud of me.
We're one step closer
to getting you out of DPH
and wishing our dreams
into reality--
a two bed,
half bath condo
with an air fryer
in Rancho Cucamonga!