The Fairly OddParents (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 12 - Fairies Away: Part 1 - full transcript

[Bach's "Toccata and Fugue
in D Minor" playing]
♪ ♪
Crocker, my love.
[kisses dramatically]
Let's fail some twerps.
I'm gonna enjoy this.
Mm.
[evil laughter]
That felt good.
[chuckles]
What?
How did my "F" stamp turn
into an "A" stamp?
Ugh, stupid thing is
totally useless now.
[glass shatters]
[cat screeches]
Shut up, cat!
I don't know
what's going on here,
but I'm certain
it's the work of...fairies!
[dramatic organ playing]
♪ ♪
[upbeat electronic music]
♪ ♪
- I say whip it!
- Whip it good.
Sick whip, Hopper.
- Thanks, video-game voice.
[electric buzzing]
- Hey, Roy,
why does it feel like
we're literally
in this video game?
Uh...
It's called virtual reality.
It's not real reality.
This game's not real.
- [panting]
This game is real.
Virtually.
Don't worry.
I'll take the next hit,
brother.
- No, the pain
makes me feel alive
for the first time
since Megan dumped me.
- Hopper,
you're better than this.
No, I'm not!
- The only way to truly defeat
the Fire Knight is to...
kiss her on the hand.
- What?
- That's right.
It's been a girl all along.
- Uh, kissing
is pretty off-brand
for "Kung Fu Lazer Doodz."
- Oh, my God.
Just do it, Roy.
Foine.
Take...this?
[bright chime]
Aw, who put Zina in the game?
All right.
Game over.
Everyone,
take off your helmets.
- That ending
was weak sauce, bro.
- Well, I thought
it wrapped up quite nicely.
- Hey guys, Dad says
we gotta come home for supper.
It's baked potato night.
And get this:
he sprung for chives!
all: Yeah!
[chanting]
Chives, chives, chives, chives.
Chives, chives, chives,
chives, chives, chives.
They're...brothers?
- I know as much as you do,
Viv.
We're all watching
the same show here.
[crash]
all: Ah!
We fell in a bush!
- You know, we should
probably look at that bush.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, how
comes you messed up my game?
- Zina was super sads
because she found out
"Ratatouille" wasn't based
on a real story.
- Okay, sure, Viv.
"Ratatouille" is "fiction."
- It is, and I just wanted
to cheer her up.
But look at her now.
Was it all a dream?
Or did Roy really lay lips
on my hand?
[sniffs]
That's Roy all right.
♪ I'ma faint now ♪
- Ty Turner and his beautiful
wife, Rachel Raskin,
approaching the front door
on foot.
[both groan]
Are you guys okay?
- What about
that dramatic entrance
would in any way suggest
that we're okay?
- We were right on course
to set the Dimmsdale record
for "Most Dancers Taught
in a New Studio
Within a Single Week's Time"!
But we crunched the numbers,
and according
to the dance calculator,
we're 20 dancers short!
- And according
to our dance calendar,
the week is almost over!
So we can't set the record!
Woe is me!
- No, honey.
We're married now.
Woe is us!
[both sigh emphatically]
- I wish my parents had
20 new dance clients right now.
["Omigod You Guys"
ringtone chimes]
- It's Finnerty.
[gasps]
- The man who both lives
and works in the ticket booth?
- What?
- What is it, Finnerty?
- [Finnerty
talking indistinctly]
- 20 dancers just showed up
at the dance studio
needing
an emergency dance lesson
for a last-minute parade?
We'll be there.
Well, out with it, Rachel!
What did Finnerty have to say?
- That 20 dancers
just showed up
at the dance studio needing
an emergency dance lesson
for a last-minute parade!
both:
New Dimmsdale record
for "Most Dancers Taught
in a New Studio
Within a Single Week's Time,"
here we come!
[sighs]
- What are you
happy-sighing about?
- Just feels pretty darn good
to make people feel...
- pretty darn good.
- Huh?
- My last three wishes
were completely selfless.
- You helped Zina
and you helped our parents.
I don't need a wish calculator
to know that's just two.
- [poof]
- I do.
One plus one equals two.
Wait, that can't be right.
- Viv also wished to change
Vicky's "F" grading stamp
to an "A" grading stamp.
- That way everyone else
in the class got A's.
[feign laughter
Oh, Viv.
You're doing this all wrong.
We're two kids
with magical fairies.
- Two magical fairies,
by my calculations--
Wait, that can't be right.
Making wishes to help others
just ends up biting you
in the bootio.
Casey Point:
One time,
I wished that Hopper could
speak French to impress Megan.
[sucks teeth] Turns out
Megan's an architecture snob
and hates the Eiffel Tower.
Dumped him
right then and there.
It was then that I realized,
wishes are best spent
on yourself.
- Well, wishing to help others
is noble.
- Actually, it's dumb-ble.
Casey Point.
Okay, you keep saying that,
and it's "case in"--
I'm hungy for a sammich,
but then I think about
walking to the kitchen
and I'm all like,
"Check, please!"
So I wish I was in the kitchen.
- Aye-aye.
[crash]
[cat screeches]
Worth it!
[gasps]
Zina!
- My Zina Senses woke me up
from my fainted state.
Is my hangry boy
in need of a lil' snack?
- Why is making PB and J
so hard?
- You got Roy
to kiss my hand today.
You're like my very own
Allen DeCharitable.
- What the what what?
- Watch.
- To celebrate
my kitty's cat mitzvah,
everybody gets a cat!
You get a cat.
Oh, and you get a cat.
They're a lot
of responsibility,
but you'll grow from it.
Yay!
I'm Allen.
- Every episode,
sads people come on
and he gives them prezzies.
He's Allen.
How is it possible
that all I have so far
is two pieces of bread?
I'm gonna go help my fiancé.
Thanks again,
little love.
- Cosmo? Wanda?
[poof]
- Lemme guess, you wish
you had your own talk show
just like Allen?
- No, I wish that--
Wait, yeah.
How'd you know?
- Your wishes are
supes predictable.
- [laughs]
Unlike Roy's.
One time,
he was struggling in math,
so he wished
to own the Miami Dolphins.
Casey Point.
Whatever.
I love making people happy
and proving Roy wrong.
- Sounds like this talk show
could do both of those things
with absolutely
no unintended consequences.
Exactly.
Now, I wish I had
my very own talk show.
Done.
announcer:
It's "Viv Gives!"
- ♪ It's "Viv Gives,"
"Viv Gives" ♪
♪ "Viv Gives" ♪
♪ "Viv Gives,"
"Viv Gives" ♪
♪ "Viv Gives" ♪
announcer:
And now, your host, Viv!
[cheers and applause]
- Uh, who's ready for me
to give them stuff?
[cheers and applause]
announcer: Well,
don't just stand there, Viv.
Dance!
- ♪ It's "Viv Gives,"
"Viv Gives" ♪
♪ "Viv Gives" ♪
♪ "Viv Gives,"
"Viv Gives" ♪
♪ "Viv Gives" ♪
[cheers and applause]
- How did Timmy Turner's
13-year-old cousin
get a talk show green lit
so quickly?
Normally, the development
process takes months,
if not years!
No numbers
from audience testing?
No strategic leaks on Dimmline?
She's either got an aunt
in the business
or she must have had help
from her...fairies!
[dramatic music]
[meter sputters]
What?
[brassy music]
- ♪ She's a stranger from afar
and he's a local star ♪
♪ And now they're family ♪
♪ And they have OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
- ♪ Normal floaty fish ♪
- ♪ Until we grant your wish ♪
- ♪ OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
♪ New shirt, blue skirt,
instant dessert ♪
♪ Swim wear, lazy chair ♪
♪ Chocolate square,
time to share ♪
♪ Gold throne, clear phone ♪
♪ Dino bone, silly clone ♪
- ♪ OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
♪ It flips your lid
when you are a kid ♪
♪ With Fairly OddParents! ♪
♪ In real life ♪
- ♪ It's "Viv Gives,"
"Viv Gives" ♪
♪ "Viv Gives" ♪
♪ "Viv Gives,"
"Viv Gives" ♪
♪ "Viv Gives" ♪
[dramatic keytar riff]
♪ ♪
[cheers and applause]
- Okay.
That's good, DJ Zina.
Darn right, it's good.
[groans]
- Okay, uh,
let's welcome our first guest.
Put your hands together
for the richest
but loneliest boy in Dimmsdale,
Nate Buxaplenty.
[cheers and applause]
Ahoy, ahoy, Viv.
You're looking famous
but approachable.
Thank you, Nate.
Allow me to cut to the chase.
Daddy bought me a poetry degree
at Yale.
But at friendships, well...
I don't succeed.
- I'd be happy
to help you make a friend.
- Have you gone goose-eyed,
madam?
What I seek is
a gorgeous Arabian horse
so that I may look down upon
all who refuse to be my friend.
- You sure you don't want me
to just help you make a friend?
- To quote my future horse,
"Neigh."
- Well, I wish for you
to have that horse.
Vamp for me, DJ Zina.
- [vampire voice]
Vith pleazure.
[chuckles darkly]
[Zina plays
the "William Tell Overture"]
♪ ♪
[cheers and applause]
- Ahoy, ahoy,
my noble steed.
Why, you're looking healthy...
as a horse.
[neighs]
That's right, old girl.
I'm very funny.
- What can I say?
This is why I do what I do.
Well, we'll be right back
with more "Viv Gives,"
where your wish is my command.
Man, I'm ticked.
I'm a tick too.
Hey, you wanna
make something itch?
Oh, I got an itch all right.
An itch to prove Viv wrong.
Her selflessness is gonna
bite her in the butt.
- Ooh, ooh!
Like a tick!
Yes!
And now, I'm gonna make
a totally selfish wish
because when you do that,
the worst thing
that could happen is
that you get whatcha want.
- Cool contrasting
point of view.
Yeah, it is.
I wish that today was Roy Day,
a day dedicated to me,
myself, and Irene,
- which is my middle name.
- [laughs]
- And I wish that the Roy Day
festivities would commence,
right now!
all: [chanting]
Roy, Roy, Roy!
Roy, Roy, Roy!
- Merry Roy Day to you,
my boys.
[clinks glass]
- Ooh, honey, are you sure
you wanna do that?
Your toasts tend
to be a little--
Roy Irene Raskin.
When I gave birth to you,
it was...
disgusting.
- Mom, please don't.
[all groan in disgust]
We open on a barn.
- Well, my next guest is
a five-year-old wunderkind
whose failing pizza shop--
Breaking news.
I'm your next guest.
Judy Stoneface?
- Of the "No Nonsense News,"
yes.
I told that five-year-old
pizza girl to cheese off
because there is something
I want.
Okay?
I'm a woman of few joys:
grape juice, skipping ads,
and Bundt cake.
That was the entire list
until I immersed myself
in the musical stylings
of one Dustan Lumberlake.
- Oh, well, would you--
- I would like
Dustan Lumberlake
to sing a song about me.
To me.
- Well, I wish that
would happen to you too.
Ladies and gentlemen,
here to sing a song about Judy,
to Judy,
Dustan Lumberlake.
Huh, what?
[cheers and applause]
Oh, my God!
Hit it, Zina!
[upbeat music]
- ♪ Grape juice, skipping ads,
and Bundt cake ♪
♪ The music
of Dustan Lumberlake ♪
♪ That's what the Judy,
that's what the Judy ♪
- ♪ That's what the Judy wants ♪
- Yes.
- ♪ Yeah ♪
- It is.
- ♪ That's what
the Judy wants ♪
- Yes.
- ♪ Yeah ♪
- That is precisely
what the Judy wants.
♪ ♪
[dramatic music]
- How did she get
Dustan Lumberlake
to immediately appear
on her show?
He's supposed to be playing
Madison's Care Gardens.
Madison would never
let him cancel.
She cares far too much
about her gardens.
[meter dings]
[gasps]
[line trilling]
- Dimmsdale
Psychiatric Hospital.
How can I--
[muffled yell]
- [indistinct yelling]
Stop it!
[strangled cry]
Sorry, that patient
is under a delusion
they're an operator.
How may I connect your call?
Denzel Crocker.
Crocker here.
- Darling,
the magic meter has reached
the "Oh, Yeah, Dat Magic" zone.
That means it's time to put
Operation Crocker into effect
and get those fairies.
Marvelous!
Do you still have
that box of hair I left?
Of course.
- I smell it daily.
- Gross.
Now grab a healthy clump and
feed it into the DNA reader.
- Okay.
So I was looking into condos
in Rancho Cucamonga
the other day
and it really seems like it's
a buyer's market right now.
And if we wanna get
on something,
we probably
should do that soon.
[rapid beeping]
I was just thinking,
you know, that it--
[gasps]
What is this?
- I'll explain
in great detail.
Wait, before you do,
did you get the box I sent you
with my hair?
- Yes,
and it was gross
and opened
no secret passageways.
- ...needless to say,
they had to burn the barn.
There was too much history
in there.
But I'll never forget
what happened that day.
And now,
neither will any of you.
[gags]
So, happy Roy Day!
[gags]
[retches]
The horror.
- Why are the children
vomiting, Ty?
- Because your story was
incredibly graphic, my love.
You really mean that?
Yeah.
I think I'm gonna puke.
Oh, Ty.
[moans]
[light electronic music]
Cosmo?
I need to spruce
this party up ASAP.
Ooh, whatcha thinking?
- I wish that Dustan Lumberlake
were here at this party
performing a song just for moi.
Who's Moi?
That guy in the shirt?
Whoo!
Ha!
No, I mean me.
- Oh, chill, chill,
chill, chill.
♪ Her face is made of stone ♪
♪ But her lips are made of-- ♪
[music stops]
- [shrieks]
- What?
My lips are made of what?
How did he disappear like that?
Uh, it's the magic of TV.
- Boo!
[audience booing]
- Hey, hey,
I'm sure he'll be right back
after this commercial break.
Commercials I can't skip?
Nonsense.
Boo! Boo!
- Boo!
- What is going on?
- Roy wished
for Dustan Lumberlake
to perform
at his Roy Day party.
- That little--
- ♪ He's the perfect boy,
and his name is Roy ♪
♪ And it's his day
with the hoi polloi, whoo ♪
♪ ♪
Look how happy I am.
What can I say?
This is why I do what I do.
♪ ♪
- What's your favorite letter?
[door clicks open]
Honey, we're married now.
- What's our favorite letter?
- My God, you're right.
- Three.
- Two.
both: One.
W...
[rapid beeping]
How do you two feel?
- However you want us to feel,
Vicky.
- Happy to be of service,
Vicky.
- [laughs] The mind control
devices are working.
Now walk out of here like
you're holding in a fart
and get me a slushie.
[devices beeping]
♪ ♪
[laughs]
Crocker, you're a genius!
And a little cutie.
- Dustan ruining...
[ranting indistinctly]
[audience booing]
- This is not a good look,
baby girl.
- No doy, I get that
she loves Dustan Lumberlake,
but this is a bit much.
Well, I'd limber up.
'Cause in Dimmsdale,
when you're famous
and you disappoint a crowd,
they form an angry mob
determined
to run you out of town.
- [growls]
- That is useful information.
By orders of the mayor,
I hereby declare the formation
of an angry mob.
- I wish Dustan Lumberlake
were back here.
- [applause]
- Can you play another one?
- Of course.
It's Roy Day.
[both imitate explosions]
I like to call this next one
"Come On, Roy Irene"!
A one, two, three, four--
[poof]
What?
- [audience clamoring]
- ♪ I'm back ♪
- Oh.
Oh, thank heavens.
[cheers and applause]
Then never mind me.
I'll take my seat.
- Pardon me.
'Scuse me.
Baby on board!
Now, where were we?
- You were singing
about my lips.
Oh, yeah.
A one, two, three, four--
[poof]
- What is going on?
[audience booing]
- I wish Dustan Lumberlake
were back here.
- Oh!
- ♪ Yahoo ♪
[confused muttering]
I wish Dustan were here.
- [poof]
- No!
I wish Dustan were here.
- Oh.
- I wish Dustan were here.
I wish Dustan were here.
- I wish Dustan were here!
- [vocalizing]
- I wish Dustan were here!
- No!
- I wish Dustan were here!
- [sobs]
- I wish Dustan were here!
- I wish Dustan were here!
- [sobs] Enough of this
emotional rollercoaster.
[audience booing]
- I hereby declare
this show canceled
and the audience an angry mob.
Get her!
[mob clamoring]
Get her!
- [mob booing]
- Get her!
[plays dramatic
"dun dun dun" notes]
What's gonna happen to Viv?
Find out
after these commercials
about gum or something.
[trombone glissando]
P.U.
This mouth is dirty and stinky.
Try gum!
[twinkling music]
Much better.
Gum!
It's what's for supper.
- [panting]
Please stop chasing me!
- We'll never stop chasing you
until you leave town!
- But what if there's
a strudel shop?
What then?
- Hey, look,
a strudel shop!
Let's briefly stop our chase
to enjoy their wares.
[panting]
[light dance music]
You ruined my show!
Uh, party's over.
Viv killed the vibe.
[disappointed groans]
[whines]
Well, great, Viv.
You ruined the first Roy Day.
I just have one question
for you:
does your butt hurt?
What?
Does your butt hurt?
You see, your selflessness
bit you in the butt,
and I'm just simply asking
if it hurt when it did.
- Well?
- In fact, my butt does hurt.
Because you, sir,
are a pain in it.
- [gasps]
That's low.
- You kept stealing
Dustan Lumberlake
for your made-up party.
They canceled my show,
and now there's an angry mob
after me.
No, no, no, no, no.
You made a selfish wish
despite my warnings
and ended up
with an angry mob.
I was right,
Casey Point.
Again, it's "case"...
Wait.
Am I wrong?
- About everything?
Yurs.
- Well,
at least I'm not selfish.
I heard fish.
We talking about
the fish décor?
Big ol' swing,
but I think it swims.
- No, I was saying
Roy is selfish.
- I shouldn't have
to defend myself on Roy Day.
It's Roy Day,
for gahdsakes.
Now this Roy's gonna play
a magical video game
'cause it's
what this Roy wants to do.
[upbeat electronic music]
Viv, what the foo,
fighter?
- We weren't done fighting,
foo.
- Okay, timeout.
You look sick.
Thank you.
Time in.
You make me sick!
Owie!
- Owie!
- Owie!
Owie!
♪ ♪
What are we gonna do?
If these two don't resolve
their differences fast,
something really bad
is gonna ha--
- "Happen"?
Were you gonna say "happen"?
- Roy! Viv!
[devices beeping]
- Butterfly nets
are our weakness.
As well as dairy!
How do we stop spinning?
I got an idea!
Boy, howdy, does a spin
make ya boy dizzy.
Owie!
It was the only way.
Owie!
- That one was just me being
a little stinker.
Timeout.
Are you thirsty?
I could drink.
Cosmo? Wanda?
I wish for two waters.
- Hmm, maybe you're
being too selfless.
Lemme try.
Cosmo? Wanda?
I wish for just one water
for just me.
Hmm, curious.
[people clamoring distantly]
- What's that noise?
- [laughs]
Probably my party patrons
anxious
for a double scoop of Roy.
I'll get it.
[mob booing]
I think it's actually for you.
Cosmo? Wanda?
[mob yelling]
Where could they be?
[upbeat brassy music]
[slurping]
[laughs]
You're hogging it,
you bad banana.
Crocky thirsty.
That doesn't make a man
a bad banana.
[devices beeping]
- Hi, Vicky.
Great news.
- We got those fairies
you asked for.
And jarred them.
- For you.
- In jars.
- You think
you're better than me, jar?
[zaps]
Oh, I guess you are.
- You'll never get away
with this.
[devices beeping]
And they're getting away
with it.
- Crocker,
did you hear any of that?
No, I was reading spoilers
for the "Two and a Half
Fridges" finale tonight.
They got the fairies.
both: Fairies!
I finally got a reason
to bust out of this place.
- You could've done
that this whole time?
- Uh...oh, look!
A bird!
[crash]
[alarm blaring]
Attention!
A patient has escaped!
[strangled yells]
- Sorry, that patient
is under a delusion
that they're
an alarm announcer.
But a patient has escaped!
[dramatic music]
Oh, he's back, baby.
Billionfold!