The Fairly OddParents (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - Episode #1.10 - full transcript
[upbeat music]
- For me, personally,
the Popular Band Kids,
the real heroes.
You really mean that, Roy?
You're not just saying that
so we vote for you?
- If I didn't mean it...
[sniffles]
Why would I be crying?
[fake sobbing]
[downbeat music]
For me, personally,
the Popular Chess Kids
are the real heroes.
- You really mean it that
the Standard Popular Kids
with nothing distinct
about them are the real heroes?
- If I didn't mean it,
why would I be crying?
[fake sobbing]
For me, personally,
the Unpopular Kids
are the real heroes.
Roy, what are you doing?
- If I didn't mean it,
why would I be crying?
- I wish for a slapper.
both: Done!
[upbeat music]
Owie!
Oh, hey, Viv.
Sorry, I was on
presidential autopilot.
- Fake crying so people
will vote for you?
- Yeah.
Where's my salt water?
Flying in!
Let's replenish those tears,
darling.
- Tanks.
- Don't tank me.
It's just one of my many duties
as First Lady.
- You're not my First Lady.
- True.
Not officially,
until you win.
- Why are you lying
to everyone?
- Because every year,
Nate Buxaplenty bribes people
to vote for him for president.
And every year, he wins.
- Ahoy, ahoy,
Popular International Kids.
I may not speak your languages,
but I daresay
we all speak the language
of cold, hard cash.
[speaking Japanese]
Vote for Nate Buxaplenty!
Oh, I'm sick of it!
Plus, look at his "kewl" belt.
- If Roy won that
Presidential Belt,
I could stop spending time
taking in my man's slacks
and focus on quilting.
- Slacks?
Quilting?
- It's how a First Lady talks,
dear.
You wouldn't understand.
- Look at Nate over there,
lording his belt over me like,
"We get it, Nate.
The belt has a hidden
pencil sharpener."
[pencil sharpener whirring]
[groans]
- Early numbers
aren't good, boss.
- Just tell me
what I gotta do, boys.
Well, we've been talking
to the Popular
Extreme Sports Kids.
[extreme music]
- That's a key demo,
what do they want?
Oh, no.
all: Oh, yes.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- At request of the
Popular Extreme Sports Kids...
all: Extreme!
I will attempt
the most spine-breaking dunk
known to man.
And women.
- Aw!
- That is so sweet.
- Watch it, home wreckers!
He's mine!
♪ ♪
[Roy screams]
[glass shatters]
[all groan]
Thank you for phoning
on such short notice, Doctor.
Bye now.
That was Dr. McGillicuddy.
I'm gonna run to the apothecary
and pick up something
for the pain.
- Please don't.
- Oh, I'm happy to do it.
Any First Lady would be.
- You're not--
- Ta!
- Welcome back
to "The Dimm Factor."
I'm No Nonsense
news anchor Judy Stoneface
here with pop superstars
Dustan Lumberlake,
Rockin' Joel,
and Shari Underwood.
[all start speaking]
- Don't speak.
You will just spew nonsense.
Let's bring out
the next contestant.
Hello!
I usually lend my voice
to interpreting
the Mayor's gurgles.
But today,
I shall lend my voice to--
- Get to the talent.
- Yes.
♪ O Danny boy ♪
♪ The pipes,
the pipes are calling ♪
Roy, what happened?
- Broke my back trying
to win the popular vote.
- Why would you do that?
- To beat Nate Buxaplenty.
- But that's even the point--
- I also want the belt, Viv!
I also want the belt.
- Okay, well, why didn't you
just wish yourself the ability
to do an extreme dunk?
- Oh, yeah.
[chuckles]
That would have been
a good ideer.
I'm full of good ideers!
Maybe I should run
for Class President.
Can you even dunk, Viv?
- No, and a quick reminder
that you couldn't either,
but I can work hard
to make our school
a better place for everyone.
I just know
I wouldn't stand a chance.
- Yeah. Kinda like
the Mayor's translator
right now on "The Dimm Factor."
♪ For me ♪
- Your voice is a balm
to my stony heart,
but you carry a mayoral baby,
and that's nonsense. Out!
[cries loudly]
- We have walk-in auditions
until 9:00 p.m.
For now,
watch these commercials.
Oh, hey, hey, hey!
It's the commercial I shot
for my campaign!
Nothing like raw American
corn to start the day.
Oh, hello there.
I'm Roy Raskin.
And I'm running for Dimmsdale
Junior High President.
If I'm elected,
I promise that each student
is gonna enter the school
via the American sky!
You know what else I promise?
Pet dinosaurs
for every girl and boy!
Tight lil' vid, huh?
Not tight at all!
If you get Cosmo and Wanda
to do those things,
people will get suspicious!
- Calm down!
I'm not actually gonna do 'em.
- Now you're just lying
through your teeth.
- My shiny teeth!
[clicks tongue]
- Cosmo, Wanda.
- Hey, Viv!
You see Roy's commercial?
I pitched the skydiving.
Pretty cool, huh?
- Right now, I wish
that Roy wishes himself healed.
You're no fun!
- Wanda's right.
Wish yourself healed.
- No! This might win me
the Popular Clumsy Kids' vote.
What is wrong with you?
You're just like--
I don't know, a puppet.
- I'm not a--[groans]
puppets don't have spines.
I wish I were a puppet.
Done.
[Cosmo laughs]
I'll be honest.
When I woke up today,
I did not expect Roy
to be turned into a puppet.
But this is gonna be good.
[screams]
- ♪ She's a stranger from afar
and he's a local star ♪
♪ And now they're family ♪
♪ And they have OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
- ♪ Normal floaty fish ♪
- ♪ Until we grant your wish ♪
- ♪ OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
♪ New shirt, blue skirt,
instant dessert ♪
♪ Swim wear, lazy chair ♪
♪ Chocolate square,
time to share ♪
♪ Gold throne, clear phone ♪
♪ Dino bone, silly clone ♪
- ♪ OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
♪ It flips your lid
when you are a kid ♪
♪ With Fairly OddParents! ♪
♪ In real life ♪
[screaming]
[screaming]
Okay, I can fix this.
Cosmo, I wish that Roy was
turned back into a real boy.
You got it!
Come on, wand!
I am trying to impress
this pretty, pink-haired lady.
Oh, Cosmo!
You know it's against Da Rules
to unwish your sibling's wish.
- Okay, then I'll just wish
for a sandwich or something
and then Roy can wish himself
back into a real boy.
- Done!
- [gasps]
Why does this thing
feel like a rock?
- You didn't say
what kind of sandwich,
so I went the comedic route
and wished you
a super stale sandwich!
Ha-ha!
[sandwich clinks]
- Okay.
I wish I was a real boy!
According to Da Rules,
since you're a puppet now,
you can't make wishes.
- Then how are we supposed
to fix this?
- Well, there is a fairy who's
licensed to work with puppets.
Don't you dare say her name!
- It's Brandy-Lynn.
- Cosmo!
- She's my ex-girlfriend.
Cosmo!
- Wanda hates her
'cause she's gorgeous
and also we used to date
and also 'cause she's gorgeous.
[bell rings]
[birds chirping]
- We're not going
to use Brandy-Lynn!
- And now descending
the stairs,
meet Ty Turner
and my beautiful wife...
- Pretend to be a puppet!
- Rachel!
Thank you, Ty.
You were right.
I did feel like
a little princess.
- And now simply--oh, my God!
That puppet
looks a lot like Roy!
Uh, thank you!
I made it with my crafty hands
and my trusty wood.
[wooden knock]
- That's wood, all right.
But from what tree?
- Aw, don't sniff me!
[Ty and Rachel yelp]
[gasps]
- How did that puppet
sound and talk just like Roy?
- Because I can do the voice
with my mouth closed!
That's right.
I am a puppet master.
And I created this Roy puppet
with invisible strings
to entertain the masses.
Perform, then.
Wow us.
- [chuckles]
All righty-O, here we go.
Um, this Roy is fake,
so not that different
from the real one.
You callin' me a phony?
- [laughs]
This is good.
- She's really translated
their dynamic into comedy.
Yeah.
- If you liked that,
you should see me tap dance!
- What?
No!
That's amazing!
- This is the first hobby
of yours, Vivian,
that doesn't demonstrate
your lack of talent.
We should try to get them
on "The Dimm Factor"
to avenge your loss.
- [scoffs] Wasn't a loss.
It was a disqualification.
For attacking the judges.
- You wouldn't know talent
if it bit you on the beak!
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
♪ Round and round!
Round and round! ♪
♪ The wheels on the bus go-- ♪
[screaming indistinctly]
[all scream]
♪ All through the town ♪
Yeah.
- They're holding auditions
until 9:00 p.m. tonight.
- Well, we better get goin'
if we're gonna beat traffic.
I've got my keys right here,
and I never lose my keys...
thanks to Hucky the Ducky.
- I don't think that
going on "The Dimm Factor"
is the greatest idea.
- Viv, I could either feel
threatened or proud right now.
And against my better judgment,
I'm choosing proud.
But if you'd rather
I feel threatened,
I can drop little Puppet Roy
at the Dimmsdale Dump.
- No!
- Then it's settled.
Let's get you two on...
"The Dimm Factor"!
[upbeat music]
- Why does everyone here
do that?
♪ ♪
Hey, Gnocchio!
- Yes-a, Calzoné?
- What did the penne pasta
say to the marinara sauce?
- I don't know.
- He say, "Hey!
Quit pouring yourself
all over me!"
[laughter]
- You call that a joke,
I call it nonsense.
Alas, I am not a judge
and I have to let them talk.
You.
Words, please.
- I thought it was kinda cute.
- I think you're kind of cute.
What?
Do you feel the same?
Nonsense.
Joel. Words. Now.
- Pasta joke brought me
wriggles an' piles
for miles and miles, it did.
- None of those words
were real.
- Yee-haw!
We have no one else to audition
and one slot left
in the second round.
Looks like you're safe and soft
in the hayloft, darlin'.
- Oh, my pizza!
I did it!
It has always been
a dream of Calzoné to make it
to the second round
of "The Dimm Factor."
My mother would be so proud
if she loved me,
which she doesn't.
both: Wait!
We have one more contestant!
- It's the swan! She has
returned to seek vengeance!
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
- No. I'm not the contestant.
It's my stepsister.
- I'm your stepdaughter.
- Nobody would believe that.
- Hey, beat it!
They already say I win.
- It's not-a 9:00 p.m. yet!
- If we have to perform,
then we stink it up,
get kicked off, go home,
and figure out how to
turn you back into a real boy.
- Counterpoint: same plan,
only we crush it and win.
- Why would you wanna win?
- Why wouldn't you wanna win?
- Earlier today,
you wanted to win so badly
that you broke your spine
and turned into a puppet.
- That was earlier today?
- So it's settled.
We have to see every single
audition before 9:00 p.m.
in order to make our decision.
[speaking Italian]
- [clears throat]
May I present to you,
my older sister, Vivian,
and her puppet, Roynocchio.
[clears throat]
- Ready to win, baby?
- All right.
♪ ♪
- ♪ See, I'm a puppet
and I love it ♪
Mostly!
- ♪ I got invisible strings ♪
- Ghostly!
- ♪ And though I try
to rise above it ♪
♪ Try to shove it all down ♪
- ♪ I got a wish,
I gotta sing! ♪
Sing it!
♪ I wish I was real ♪
♪ So I could
feel the feeling ♪
♪ The feeling... ♪
♪ The feeling of love ♪
♪ If I wasn't wood ♪
♪ I think I could
feel the feeling ♪
♪ The feeling,
the feeling of love ♪
♪ Love ♪
[applause]
- We are so glad we watched
all the auditions or, well,
we would have been stuck
with that Calzoné guy.
Hey, you said I was cute!
- I, too, sometimes feel as if
my heart was made of tree wood.
But this made it go
parrum-pa-pum-pum.
And so I am proud
to offer you a place
in the second round of...
"The Dimm Factor!"
- Oh, this puts the rage
in my Ragu.
That puppet is the reason
why Calzoné didn't make it
to the second round.
I'm going to steal it
and turn it into chopsticks
via a chopstick maker
and then I am going to eat cake
with the chopsticks
like a sophisticate!
But how?
both: ♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
♪ Round and round,
round and round ♪
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
♪ All through the town ♪
Hey, signorina.
Why don't
you give me your puppet
and I'll turn
him into chopsticks
via a chopstick maker?
- What? No.
Ew! Get away from me!
Why?
♪ ♪
- I absolutely loved
that performance!
- Our lives just got better,
they did! [chuckles]
- Seriously, Viv,
I can't get over
how wonderful
that performance was.
I...like you.
- Oh, thanks. I'm just gonna
go upstairs and--
- Before you do, say, you know
who would love Puppet Roy?
Real Roy.
Where is he?
- Probably off somewhere
not making us money.
- [chuckles]
You got it.
- You know,
he actually texted me
that he's sleeping over
at one of his boy's houses.
- Which one?
- Camper.
Gonna need a last name.
McGillicuddy?
- Must be the doctor's boy.
- Oh, fancy!
- Now second round starts
tomorrow at 8:00 a.m.,
so get some sleep.
If you don't get eight hours,
you know you look terrible.
- You just said you liked me.
- I know.
And if I didn't,
I wouldn't care so much.
- You think they'll have
gift baskets tomorrow?
- Of course they'll
have gift baskets.
It's a talent show!
- Finally!
That box be gettin' toasty!
Cosmo? Wanda?
[groans]
Hey, kiddos, we're exhausted.
We've been trying to come up
with a solution
to the Roy problem.
- Ooh, what if we
call Brandy-Lynn?
Bye, kids!
- No, wait, we gotta--
- They better fix this by
my debate against Nate mañana!
I got a toasty little run
about how I don't even care
about the belt.
[nose creaking]
- Did your nose just grow
because you told a lie?
- [chuckles] No.
[nose creaking]
♪ ♪
Congratulations, Viv.
You've reached that "constantly
surrounded by gift baskets"
level of fame.
- What is it
about a gift basket?
Classy, thoughtful,
covered in that beautiful
Mississippi cellophane.
Mm, mm. Now let's get
these bad boys into the car.
- Way ahead of you.
- Oh, stop!
[glass shatters]
[cat yowls]
For the first time in my life,
I don't know where my keys are.
I must have lost them
in one of the gift baskets
I was poking through.
- But you poked through
all of them!
- Ooh, doggy,
this might take a while.
- I'll help you.
- Thank you, my star.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Shh!
I found the key!
Oh, great!
The key to solving my hunger.
- [laughs]
I love it!
Uh, I'll be right back.
And you don't care because
you're throwing walnuts
into each other's mouths.
- Oh!
both: Oh, nuts!
- That does it.
Let's have a kid.
What's up?
- Oh,
Roy has gone missing, dear!
- We have no idea where he is.
- Oh, my gosh!
[glass shatters]
I know what happened to Roy!
Calzoné stole him and he's
gonna turn him into chopsticks.
both: What?
Well, how on Earth did you
come to that
very specific conclusion?
- Because those were
his literal words yesterday.
Hey, signorina.
Why don't you give me
your puppet, and I'll turn him
into chopsticks
via a chopstick maker?
- No. Ew!
Get away from me!
- Why?
- "Why?" Just like that.
- Oh, man. Calzoné is probably
halfway to Acapulco by now!
- Or there's a chopstick maker
right down the hall.
- How extraordinarily
convenient!
- Come on!
- Adventure!
Pazienza, my dear cake.
Soon, I will turn this
wooden puppet into chopsticks
via a chopstick maker,
then I will eat you the way
you are meant to be eaten,
with-a chopsticks!
Then once the wooden puppet
is gone,
they will have no choice
but to put Calzoné
into the second round
of "The Dimm Factor"!
[evil laughter]
Need a distraction.
I'm hungry.
- Oh, that stale sandwich
from yesterday.
- [machine hissing]
- [speaks Italian]
What was that?
[machine hissing]
Why?
Somebody threw a super stale
sandwich into the machine!
This is gonna take
all of my attention
for the next few minutes!
[shouts in Italian]
- Hurry, Viv! Roy's been
in there for so long!
- Will he even remember who
we are?
- [gasps] I can breathe!
I'm just kiddin'.
I don't have lungs.
I'm a puppet, remember?
Oh, yeah.
- Hey, you guys figured out
how to turn me human?
- Well, there's still
the option of Brandy-Lynn.
- Cosmo!
I've said no a thousand times!
We will figure something out.
- Wanda, who cares
about Brandy-Lynn?
Cosmo loves you.
All he talks about when
you aren't around
is how he's
never loved anyone more.
Hey, Roy's nose didn't grow.
You know he's really
telling the truth.
Aw, Cosmo.
Okay, let's call Brandy-Lynn
and get this over with.
- Surprise, she's already here.
- What?
My ears were burning.
Hey, Cute-mo!
Hey, Wan-dumb.
[growls]
- We need you to turn
Puppet Roy into a human again
so he can make wishes.
Easy.
I'll do it right now
if Cosmo gives me a lil' kiss.
- Oh, I'll give you something
for your kisser!
- Wanda, chill,
I was just messing around.
Okay, in order for me
to turn Roy into a real boy,
he has to admit
a very difficult truth.
- Well, he's never
gonna do that.
- Viv would be a way better
Class President than me.
- What?
- It's the truth.
Viv is smarter,
she has better ideas,
and would make our school
way cool.
I'm me again!
I'm a real boy!
- Oh, that's sweet.
Reminds me of the time we--
- Aha!
[impact sounds]
- [sobs]
I fell in a bush!
No one messes with my man!
I love you, Wanda.
- I love you too,
sugar biscuit.
- I finally got the sandwich
out of the chopstick maker.
Hey, where'd that puppet
I stole from you go?
He look-a like this boy.
- I got rid of it.
I'm not doing the show anymore,
so that second round spot
is all yours, Calzoné.
- Mamma Mia!
- Mamma Mia?
That's the best you've got?
- I am calling my mama
whose name is Mia.
What's wrong with you?
Mama Mia, it's Calzoné!
Your son.
I made it!
You love me?
No?
Why?
- Thanks for everything
you said
about me
being a good president.
- I really meant it.
In fact,
I'm gonna take myself out
of the race and nominate you.
- You really think I have
a chance at winning?
- [sputters]
This is Dimmsdale, Viv,
where dreams always come true.
So if this is your dream...
- Well, now it kinda came up--
- I say go for it,
Madam President.
[soft upbeat music]
- And coming in dead last
in the Junior High
presidential election
is Vivian Turner
with zero votes.
[all boo]
Zero votes?
- And the winner by unanimous
decision
is Nate Buxaplenty!
Ahoy, ahoy, my subjects!
As always,
money has bought happiness!
- So neither one of you
voted for me?
- We ended up voting for Nate.
Winning feels good--
- But a crisp five hundo
feels gooder.
Sorry, Viv.
No.
I voted for Nate, too.
[brassy music]
♪ ♪
- For me, personally,
the Popular Band Kids,
the real heroes.
You really mean that, Roy?
You're not just saying that
so we vote for you?
- If I didn't mean it...
[sniffles]
Why would I be crying?
[fake sobbing]
[downbeat music]
For me, personally,
the Popular Chess Kids
are the real heroes.
- You really mean it that
the Standard Popular Kids
with nothing distinct
about them are the real heroes?
- If I didn't mean it,
why would I be crying?
[fake sobbing]
For me, personally,
the Unpopular Kids
are the real heroes.
Roy, what are you doing?
- If I didn't mean it,
why would I be crying?
- I wish for a slapper.
both: Done!
[upbeat music]
Owie!
Oh, hey, Viv.
Sorry, I was on
presidential autopilot.
- Fake crying so people
will vote for you?
- Yeah.
Where's my salt water?
Flying in!
Let's replenish those tears,
darling.
- Tanks.
- Don't tank me.
It's just one of my many duties
as First Lady.
- You're not my First Lady.
- True.
Not officially,
until you win.
- Why are you lying
to everyone?
- Because every year,
Nate Buxaplenty bribes people
to vote for him for president.
And every year, he wins.
- Ahoy, ahoy,
Popular International Kids.
I may not speak your languages,
but I daresay
we all speak the language
of cold, hard cash.
[speaking Japanese]
Vote for Nate Buxaplenty!
Oh, I'm sick of it!
Plus, look at his "kewl" belt.
- If Roy won that
Presidential Belt,
I could stop spending time
taking in my man's slacks
and focus on quilting.
- Slacks?
Quilting?
- It's how a First Lady talks,
dear.
You wouldn't understand.
- Look at Nate over there,
lording his belt over me like,
"We get it, Nate.
The belt has a hidden
pencil sharpener."
[pencil sharpener whirring]
[groans]
- Early numbers
aren't good, boss.
- Just tell me
what I gotta do, boys.
Well, we've been talking
to the Popular
Extreme Sports Kids.
[extreme music]
- That's a key demo,
what do they want?
Oh, no.
all: Oh, yes.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- At request of the
Popular Extreme Sports Kids...
all: Extreme!
I will attempt
the most spine-breaking dunk
known to man.
And women.
- Aw!
- That is so sweet.
- Watch it, home wreckers!
He's mine!
♪ ♪
[Roy screams]
[glass shatters]
[all groan]
Thank you for phoning
on such short notice, Doctor.
Bye now.
That was Dr. McGillicuddy.
I'm gonna run to the apothecary
and pick up something
for the pain.
- Please don't.
- Oh, I'm happy to do it.
Any First Lady would be.
- You're not--
- Ta!
- Welcome back
to "The Dimm Factor."
I'm No Nonsense
news anchor Judy Stoneface
here with pop superstars
Dustan Lumberlake,
Rockin' Joel,
and Shari Underwood.
[all start speaking]
- Don't speak.
You will just spew nonsense.
Let's bring out
the next contestant.
Hello!
I usually lend my voice
to interpreting
the Mayor's gurgles.
But today,
I shall lend my voice to--
- Get to the talent.
- Yes.
♪ O Danny boy ♪
♪ The pipes,
the pipes are calling ♪
Roy, what happened?
- Broke my back trying
to win the popular vote.
- Why would you do that?
- To beat Nate Buxaplenty.
- But that's even the point--
- I also want the belt, Viv!
I also want the belt.
- Okay, well, why didn't you
just wish yourself the ability
to do an extreme dunk?
- Oh, yeah.
[chuckles]
That would have been
a good ideer.
I'm full of good ideers!
Maybe I should run
for Class President.
Can you even dunk, Viv?
- No, and a quick reminder
that you couldn't either,
but I can work hard
to make our school
a better place for everyone.
I just know
I wouldn't stand a chance.
- Yeah. Kinda like
the Mayor's translator
right now on "The Dimm Factor."
♪ For me ♪
- Your voice is a balm
to my stony heart,
but you carry a mayoral baby,
and that's nonsense. Out!
[cries loudly]
- We have walk-in auditions
until 9:00 p.m.
For now,
watch these commercials.
Oh, hey, hey, hey!
It's the commercial I shot
for my campaign!
Nothing like raw American
corn to start the day.
Oh, hello there.
I'm Roy Raskin.
And I'm running for Dimmsdale
Junior High President.
If I'm elected,
I promise that each student
is gonna enter the school
via the American sky!
You know what else I promise?
Pet dinosaurs
for every girl and boy!
Tight lil' vid, huh?
Not tight at all!
If you get Cosmo and Wanda
to do those things,
people will get suspicious!
- Calm down!
I'm not actually gonna do 'em.
- Now you're just lying
through your teeth.
- My shiny teeth!
[clicks tongue]
- Cosmo, Wanda.
- Hey, Viv!
You see Roy's commercial?
I pitched the skydiving.
Pretty cool, huh?
- Right now, I wish
that Roy wishes himself healed.
You're no fun!
- Wanda's right.
Wish yourself healed.
- No! This might win me
the Popular Clumsy Kids' vote.
What is wrong with you?
You're just like--
I don't know, a puppet.
- I'm not a--[groans]
puppets don't have spines.
I wish I were a puppet.
Done.
[Cosmo laughs]
I'll be honest.
When I woke up today,
I did not expect Roy
to be turned into a puppet.
But this is gonna be good.
[screams]
- ♪ She's a stranger from afar
and he's a local star ♪
♪ And now they're family ♪
♪ And they have OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
- ♪ Normal floaty fish ♪
- ♪ Until we grant your wish ♪
- ♪ OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
♪ New shirt, blue skirt,
instant dessert ♪
♪ Swim wear, lazy chair ♪
♪ Chocolate square,
time to share ♪
♪ Gold throne, clear phone ♪
♪ Dino bone, silly clone ♪
- ♪ OddParents,
Fairly OddParents ♪
♪ It flips your lid
when you are a kid ♪
♪ With Fairly OddParents! ♪
♪ In real life ♪
[screaming]
[screaming]
Okay, I can fix this.
Cosmo, I wish that Roy was
turned back into a real boy.
You got it!
Come on, wand!
I am trying to impress
this pretty, pink-haired lady.
Oh, Cosmo!
You know it's against Da Rules
to unwish your sibling's wish.
- Okay, then I'll just wish
for a sandwich or something
and then Roy can wish himself
back into a real boy.
- Done!
- [gasps]
Why does this thing
feel like a rock?
- You didn't say
what kind of sandwich,
so I went the comedic route
and wished you
a super stale sandwich!
Ha-ha!
[sandwich clinks]
- Okay.
I wish I was a real boy!
According to Da Rules,
since you're a puppet now,
you can't make wishes.
- Then how are we supposed
to fix this?
- Well, there is a fairy who's
licensed to work with puppets.
Don't you dare say her name!
- It's Brandy-Lynn.
- Cosmo!
- She's my ex-girlfriend.
Cosmo!
- Wanda hates her
'cause she's gorgeous
and also we used to date
and also 'cause she's gorgeous.
[bell rings]
[birds chirping]
- We're not going
to use Brandy-Lynn!
- And now descending
the stairs,
meet Ty Turner
and my beautiful wife...
- Pretend to be a puppet!
- Rachel!
Thank you, Ty.
You were right.
I did feel like
a little princess.
- And now simply--oh, my God!
That puppet
looks a lot like Roy!
Uh, thank you!
I made it with my crafty hands
and my trusty wood.
[wooden knock]
- That's wood, all right.
But from what tree?
- Aw, don't sniff me!
[Ty and Rachel yelp]
[gasps]
- How did that puppet
sound and talk just like Roy?
- Because I can do the voice
with my mouth closed!
That's right.
I am a puppet master.
And I created this Roy puppet
with invisible strings
to entertain the masses.
Perform, then.
Wow us.
- [chuckles]
All righty-O, here we go.
Um, this Roy is fake,
so not that different
from the real one.
You callin' me a phony?
- [laughs]
This is good.
- She's really translated
their dynamic into comedy.
Yeah.
- If you liked that,
you should see me tap dance!
- What?
No!
That's amazing!
- This is the first hobby
of yours, Vivian,
that doesn't demonstrate
your lack of talent.
We should try to get them
on "The Dimm Factor"
to avenge your loss.
- [scoffs] Wasn't a loss.
It was a disqualification.
For attacking the judges.
- You wouldn't know talent
if it bit you on the beak!
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
♪ Round and round!
Round and round! ♪
♪ The wheels on the bus go-- ♪
[screaming indistinctly]
[all scream]
♪ All through the town ♪
Yeah.
- They're holding auditions
until 9:00 p.m. tonight.
- Well, we better get goin'
if we're gonna beat traffic.
I've got my keys right here,
and I never lose my keys...
thanks to Hucky the Ducky.
- I don't think that
going on "The Dimm Factor"
is the greatest idea.
- Viv, I could either feel
threatened or proud right now.
And against my better judgment,
I'm choosing proud.
But if you'd rather
I feel threatened,
I can drop little Puppet Roy
at the Dimmsdale Dump.
- No!
- Then it's settled.
Let's get you two on...
"The Dimm Factor"!
[upbeat music]
- Why does everyone here
do that?
♪ ♪
Hey, Gnocchio!
- Yes-a, Calzoné?
- What did the penne pasta
say to the marinara sauce?
- I don't know.
- He say, "Hey!
Quit pouring yourself
all over me!"
[laughter]
- You call that a joke,
I call it nonsense.
Alas, I am not a judge
and I have to let them talk.
You.
Words, please.
- I thought it was kinda cute.
- I think you're kind of cute.
What?
Do you feel the same?
Nonsense.
Joel. Words. Now.
- Pasta joke brought me
wriggles an' piles
for miles and miles, it did.
- None of those words
were real.
- Yee-haw!
We have no one else to audition
and one slot left
in the second round.
Looks like you're safe and soft
in the hayloft, darlin'.
- Oh, my pizza!
I did it!
It has always been
a dream of Calzoné to make it
to the second round
of "The Dimm Factor."
My mother would be so proud
if she loved me,
which she doesn't.
both: Wait!
We have one more contestant!
- It's the swan! She has
returned to seek vengeance!
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
- No. I'm not the contestant.
It's my stepsister.
- I'm your stepdaughter.
- Nobody would believe that.
- Hey, beat it!
They already say I win.
- It's not-a 9:00 p.m. yet!
- If we have to perform,
then we stink it up,
get kicked off, go home,
and figure out how to
turn you back into a real boy.
- Counterpoint: same plan,
only we crush it and win.
- Why would you wanna win?
- Why wouldn't you wanna win?
- Earlier today,
you wanted to win so badly
that you broke your spine
and turned into a puppet.
- That was earlier today?
- So it's settled.
We have to see every single
audition before 9:00 p.m.
in order to make our decision.
[speaking Italian]
- [clears throat]
May I present to you,
my older sister, Vivian,
and her puppet, Roynocchio.
[clears throat]
- Ready to win, baby?
- All right.
♪ ♪
- ♪ See, I'm a puppet
and I love it ♪
Mostly!
- ♪ I got invisible strings ♪
- Ghostly!
- ♪ And though I try
to rise above it ♪
♪ Try to shove it all down ♪
- ♪ I got a wish,
I gotta sing! ♪
Sing it!
♪ I wish I was real ♪
♪ So I could
feel the feeling ♪
♪ The feeling... ♪
♪ The feeling of love ♪
♪ If I wasn't wood ♪
♪ I think I could
feel the feeling ♪
♪ The feeling,
the feeling of love ♪
♪ Love ♪
[applause]
- We are so glad we watched
all the auditions or, well,
we would have been stuck
with that Calzoné guy.
Hey, you said I was cute!
- I, too, sometimes feel as if
my heart was made of tree wood.
But this made it go
parrum-pa-pum-pum.
And so I am proud
to offer you a place
in the second round of...
"The Dimm Factor!"
- Oh, this puts the rage
in my Ragu.
That puppet is the reason
why Calzoné didn't make it
to the second round.
I'm going to steal it
and turn it into chopsticks
via a chopstick maker
and then I am going to eat cake
with the chopsticks
like a sophisticate!
But how?
both: ♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
♪ Round and round,
round and round ♪
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
♪ All through the town ♪
Hey, signorina.
Why don't
you give me your puppet
and I'll turn
him into chopsticks
via a chopstick maker?
- What? No.
Ew! Get away from me!
Why?
♪ ♪
- I absolutely loved
that performance!
- Our lives just got better,
they did! [chuckles]
- Seriously, Viv,
I can't get over
how wonderful
that performance was.
I...like you.
- Oh, thanks. I'm just gonna
go upstairs and--
- Before you do, say, you know
who would love Puppet Roy?
Real Roy.
Where is he?
- Probably off somewhere
not making us money.
- [chuckles]
You got it.
- You know,
he actually texted me
that he's sleeping over
at one of his boy's houses.
- Which one?
- Camper.
Gonna need a last name.
McGillicuddy?
- Must be the doctor's boy.
- Oh, fancy!
- Now second round starts
tomorrow at 8:00 a.m.,
so get some sleep.
If you don't get eight hours,
you know you look terrible.
- You just said you liked me.
- I know.
And if I didn't,
I wouldn't care so much.
- You think they'll have
gift baskets tomorrow?
- Of course they'll
have gift baskets.
It's a talent show!
- Finally!
That box be gettin' toasty!
Cosmo? Wanda?
[groans]
Hey, kiddos, we're exhausted.
We've been trying to come up
with a solution
to the Roy problem.
- Ooh, what if we
call Brandy-Lynn?
Bye, kids!
- No, wait, we gotta--
- They better fix this by
my debate against Nate mañana!
I got a toasty little run
about how I don't even care
about the belt.
[nose creaking]
- Did your nose just grow
because you told a lie?
- [chuckles] No.
[nose creaking]
♪ ♪
Congratulations, Viv.
You've reached that "constantly
surrounded by gift baskets"
level of fame.
- What is it
about a gift basket?
Classy, thoughtful,
covered in that beautiful
Mississippi cellophane.
Mm, mm. Now let's get
these bad boys into the car.
- Way ahead of you.
- Oh, stop!
[glass shatters]
[cat yowls]
For the first time in my life,
I don't know where my keys are.
I must have lost them
in one of the gift baskets
I was poking through.
- But you poked through
all of them!
- Ooh, doggy,
this might take a while.
- I'll help you.
- Thank you, my star.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Shh!
I found the key!
Oh, great!
The key to solving my hunger.
- [laughs]
I love it!
Uh, I'll be right back.
And you don't care because
you're throwing walnuts
into each other's mouths.
- Oh!
both: Oh, nuts!
- That does it.
Let's have a kid.
What's up?
- Oh,
Roy has gone missing, dear!
- We have no idea where he is.
- Oh, my gosh!
[glass shatters]
I know what happened to Roy!
Calzoné stole him and he's
gonna turn him into chopsticks.
both: What?
Well, how on Earth did you
come to that
very specific conclusion?
- Because those were
his literal words yesterday.
Hey, signorina.
Why don't you give me
your puppet, and I'll turn him
into chopsticks
via a chopstick maker?
- No. Ew!
Get away from me!
- Why?
- "Why?" Just like that.
- Oh, man. Calzoné is probably
halfway to Acapulco by now!
- Or there's a chopstick maker
right down the hall.
- How extraordinarily
convenient!
- Come on!
- Adventure!
Pazienza, my dear cake.
Soon, I will turn this
wooden puppet into chopsticks
via a chopstick maker,
then I will eat you the way
you are meant to be eaten,
with-a chopsticks!
Then once the wooden puppet
is gone,
they will have no choice
but to put Calzoné
into the second round
of "The Dimm Factor"!
[evil laughter]
Need a distraction.
I'm hungry.
- Oh, that stale sandwich
from yesterday.
- [machine hissing]
- [speaks Italian]
What was that?
[machine hissing]
Why?
Somebody threw a super stale
sandwich into the machine!
This is gonna take
all of my attention
for the next few minutes!
[shouts in Italian]
- Hurry, Viv! Roy's been
in there for so long!
- Will he even remember who
we are?
- [gasps] I can breathe!
I'm just kiddin'.
I don't have lungs.
I'm a puppet, remember?
Oh, yeah.
- Hey, you guys figured out
how to turn me human?
- Well, there's still
the option of Brandy-Lynn.
- Cosmo!
I've said no a thousand times!
We will figure something out.
- Wanda, who cares
about Brandy-Lynn?
Cosmo loves you.
All he talks about when
you aren't around
is how he's
never loved anyone more.
Hey, Roy's nose didn't grow.
You know he's really
telling the truth.
Aw, Cosmo.
Okay, let's call Brandy-Lynn
and get this over with.
- Surprise, she's already here.
- What?
My ears were burning.
Hey, Cute-mo!
Hey, Wan-dumb.
[growls]
- We need you to turn
Puppet Roy into a human again
so he can make wishes.
Easy.
I'll do it right now
if Cosmo gives me a lil' kiss.
- Oh, I'll give you something
for your kisser!
- Wanda, chill,
I was just messing around.
Okay, in order for me
to turn Roy into a real boy,
he has to admit
a very difficult truth.
- Well, he's never
gonna do that.
- Viv would be a way better
Class President than me.
- What?
- It's the truth.
Viv is smarter,
she has better ideas,
and would make our school
way cool.
I'm me again!
I'm a real boy!
- Oh, that's sweet.
Reminds me of the time we--
- Aha!
[impact sounds]
- [sobs]
I fell in a bush!
No one messes with my man!
I love you, Wanda.
- I love you too,
sugar biscuit.
- I finally got the sandwich
out of the chopstick maker.
Hey, where'd that puppet
I stole from you go?
He look-a like this boy.
- I got rid of it.
I'm not doing the show anymore,
so that second round spot
is all yours, Calzoné.
- Mamma Mia!
- Mamma Mia?
That's the best you've got?
- I am calling my mama
whose name is Mia.
What's wrong with you?
Mama Mia, it's Calzoné!
Your son.
I made it!
You love me?
No?
Why?
- Thanks for everything
you said
about me
being a good president.
- I really meant it.
In fact,
I'm gonna take myself out
of the race and nominate you.
- You really think I have
a chance at winning?
- [sputters]
This is Dimmsdale, Viv,
where dreams always come true.
So if this is your dream...
- Well, now it kinda came up--
- I say go for it,
Madam President.
[soft upbeat music]
- And coming in dead last
in the Junior High
presidential election
is Vivian Turner
with zero votes.
[all boo]
Zero votes?
- And the winner by unanimous
decision
is Nate Buxaplenty!
Ahoy, ahoy, my subjects!
As always,
money has bought happiness!
- So neither one of you
voted for me?
- We ended up voting for Nate.
Winning feels good--
- But a crisp five hundo
feels gooder.
Sorry, Viv.
No.
I voted for Nate, too.
[brassy music]
♪ ♪