The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 9, Episode 22 - Big Apple Blues - full transcript

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♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪

♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪

♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪

♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪



♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪

♪ ALL ABOUT YOU ♪

♪ YOU ♪

♪ ALL ABOUT YOU ♪

♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

OKAY, OKAY.

LOOK AT THAT.

BEVERLY ANN, WE CAN
PAY SOMEONE TO DO THIS.

IT WOULDN'T BE THE SAME.

I KNOW.



OH HEY, ISN'T THAT A QUARTER?

WHERE? WHERE?

HI, GUYS.

HEY, WHAT'S UP?

UP? UP? THERE IS NO UP.

JUST VARYING DEGREES OF DOWN.

WAY DOWN. DOWN, DOWN.

BENEATH DOWN. SUBTERRANEAN.

SHE TOOK HER LAST
FINAL THIS MORNING.

SO SHE'S TOTALLY CONVINCED
SHE'S FLUNKED OUT OF LANGLEY.

OH, COME ON. NOBODY'S
THAT INSECURE.

56 CENTS.

ANYBODY SEEN THE WANT ADS?

SEE IF MY OLD JOB AT THE
FUNERAL HOME OPENS UP.

THERE'S A BIG TURNOVER
IN HEARSE DRIVERS.

WHY? YOU ALREADY HAVE
A JOB AT THE REGISTER.

I GOT IT UNDER FALSE PRETENSES.

I TOLD THEM I WAS AN
INTELLIGENT PERSON.

YOU KNOW WHAT, NATALIE?

YOUR GRADES ARE
GONNA COME IN THE MAIL

IN A FEW WEEKS, YOU'RE
GONNA OPEN THEM UP

AND YOU KNOW WHAT
THEY'RE GONNA SAY?

TAKE THAT JOB DRIVING
DEAD PEOPLE AROUND.

HI, BABE. ANDY AND I CAN'T AGREE

ON WHAT TO DO WITH THIS JUNK.

I RECKON WE SHOULD
JUST CHUCK THE LOT.

AND I SAY WE SHOULD BURN IT.

I HATE TO THROW
AWAY THIS NICE LAMP.

AND THIS TOASTER...

JO, COULDN'T YOU AND
RICK USE SOME OF THIS

WHEN YOU GET YOUR APARTMENT?

YEAH, WELL... THANKS,
BUT WE WERE...

WE WERE KIND OF THINKING
OF FURNISHING THE PLACE

WITH THINGS THAT WON'T BLOW UP.

WHAT DO YOU CALL THOSE THINGS

WHERE YOU PUT LITTLE
WHITE TAGS ON ALL YOUR JUNK,

AND STRANGERS COME,
AND THEY GIVE YOU MONEY,

AND THEY TAKE IT ALL AWAY?

A GARAGE SALE?

OH! I LOVE AMERICA.

ANY MORE OF THAT JUNK?

LOADS. FOLLOW ME.

THE STOCK MARKET CRASH

REALLY THREW A SCARE
INTO HER, DIDN'T IT?

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED, NAT?

SOMETHING TO TAKE YOUR
MIND OFF OF EVERYTHING

WHILE YOU WAIT FOR
YOUR GRADES TO COME IN.

HERE'S THAT MORTUARY AD.

"LICENSED DRIVER NEEDED.

NO INTERPERSONAL
SKILLS REQUIRED."

YOU KNOW THAT AUDITION
I'VE GOT IN NEW YORK

FOR SUMMER STOCK ON FRIDAY?

YEAH? WHY DON'T
YOU COME WITH ME.

I DON'T KNOW.

OH, COME ON, IT WILL BE FUN.

WE'LL SPEND THE WHOLE DAY THERE.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS,

LET'S DO IT RIGHT.

LET'S SPEND THE WHOLE WEEKEND.

OH, I JUST... NO, NO, NO, NO!

THE OTHER DAY, I GOT THIS
LETTER FROM CORY DANIELS.

AND SHE SAID, ANYTIME WE WANT,

WE CAN STAY AT HER LOFT IN SOHO.

NAT, I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN,
SHE WAS MORE YOUR FRIEND.

YOU KNOW I DIDN'T REALLY
HANG OUT WITH HER THAT MUCH.

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S A DUMB IDEA.

"EXCELLENT BENEFITS.

SMOKE-FREE ENVIRONMENT."

ALRIGHT. WE'LL SPEND
THE WEEKEND IN NEW YORK.

WHAT DOES CORY
DANIELS DO FOR A LIVING?

GROW MUSHROOMS?

I TOLD YOU, SHE'S A MODEL.

AND DOING VERY WELL, I SEE.

SHE'S EVEN GOT HER OWN DOORMAN.

CAN WE MOVE THIS ALONG?

OH, YOU KNOW, CORY
ALWAYS SAYS SHE KEEPS A KEY

HIDDEN OUTSIDE THE FRONT DOOR.

IN NEW YORK?

THERE'S A BRILLIANT IDEA.

"EIGHT INCHES TO THE
RIGHT OF THE DOORKNOB,

10 INCHES DOWN."

THAT WOULD PUT IT ABOUT...

NOW, WHY DIDN'T SHE JUST SAY

"THE KEY IS UNDER
THE BUM'S HAT"?

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO SIMPLE.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.

YOU'RE DOING A FINE JOB.

NATALIE, THIS ISN'T
A REAL PERSON.

TOOTIE, HE MAY BE A BUM,

BUT HE STILL HAS FEELINGS.

NO. IT'S A SCULPTURE.

IT'S A WORK OF ART.

GO FIND THIS IN PEEKSKILL.

WE'VE JUST WANDERED

INTO THE MUSEUM FOR
THE ARTISTICALLY INSANE.

OH, I'M SORRY.

WE DIDN'T THINK
ANYBODY WAS HOME.

DOES CORY DANIELS LIVE HERE?

LET ME ASK YOU A
DIFFERENT QUESTION.

DOES CORY DANIELS LIVE HERE?

YES.

WELL... NO.

WE'LL COME BACK LATER

WHEN THE EARTHLINGS
HAVE ARRIVED.

I'M EXPERIMENTING WITH
DIFFERENT FORMS OF ELECTRICITY.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE ALREADY TRIED

THE OLD FORK IN THE
WALL SOCKET, HUH?

OH, GOOD. AN ART LOVER.

IS THAT YOUR... BUM OUT THERE?

GEORGE? YEAH.

I SPENT AN ENTIRE YEAR

SCULPTING THINGS
FOUND IN NATURE.

YOU'VE QUITE AN EYE.

WELL, THANKS.

MY NAME'S CLAIRE,
BUT I CALL MYSELF WAVE.

IT'S A CONCEPTUAL THING.

I'M NATALIE.

IT'S A REALITY THING.

THIS IS TOOTIE.

IT'S A TOOTIE THING.

DID YOU KNOCK?

I DIDN'T HEAR YOU KNOCK.

NINA, DID YOU HEAR 'EM KNOCK?

YEAH, I HEARD THEM KNOCK,

BUT I THOUGHT IT
WAS THE LANDLORD.

WE'RE JUST LEAVING.

CORY MOVED TO THE
COAST THIS MORNING.

YEAH, SHE GOT A
JOB ON A GAME SHOW.

NO KIDDING. WHICH ONE?

GOLLY, I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE
TO WATCH THEM ALL NOW.

SO WHERE ARE WE STAYING TONIGHT?

YOU CAN CRASH
HERE. CAN'T THEY, NINA?

OH SURE, WE'LL OPEN UP
THE PRESIDENTIAL SUITE.

THAT'S NINA'S WAY OF SAYING YES.

WELL, I GUESS I CAN
HANDLE IT FOR ONE NIGHT.

GREAT! IS THERE A PLACE I
CAN CHANGE INTO MY PJs?

YOU MEAN, LIKE A
PJ CHANGING ROOM?

ANY BATHROOM-LIKE PLACE WILL DO.

IN THE CORNER.

OH, VERY BATHROOMY

WITHOUT COMMITTING ITSELF.

I LIKE IT.

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT

NO MATTER HOW HARD

YOU TRY TO SHED YOUR
MIDDLE CLASS VALUES,

YOU CAN'T HELP
ASKING YOUR GUESTS

IF THEY'D LIKE A CUP OF COFFEE.

I'D LOVE SOME. YOU GOT IT.

OH, HI. YOU'RE A DANCER, HUH?

WHAT GAVE IT AWAY?

DIRECTORS... THEY'RE ALL SWINE.

HELLO, BEN.

BEN'S AN ACTOR.

HE BECOMES VERY ANTISOCIAL

AFTER A BAD AUDITION.

OH, I KNOW HOW THAT FEELS.

I'M AN ACTRESS.

WHAT DID YOU TRY OUT FOR?

HAMLET.

I MEAN, HOW COULD THEY
SAY I COULDN'T PLAY A PRINCE?

LAST YEAR I PLAYED A KING.

BEN, IT WAS A
MARGARINE COMMERCIAL.

I SAW THAT. YOU WERE KING TOAST.

YOU WERE VERY GOOD.

THANK YOU. MY NAME'S BEN.

TOOTIE.

OKAY, TOOTIE, YOU
CAN TAKE CORY'S BED.

I'LL TAKE THE COUCH.

IT'S CLOSER TO THE... MAN!

NATALIE, THAT'S BEN.

BEN LIVES HERE, TOO.

HAS THE LAST TRAIN
TO PEEKSKILL LEFT?

YES.

NICE TO MEET YOU, BEN.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

WHAT A DAY. WHAT
A DAY. WHAT A DAY.

GATHER ROUND, PEASANTS.
I ONLY GOT THREE MINUTES.

RENT'S DUE ON MONDAY.

BEN, THEY'D LIKE IT IN SOMETHING

THAT DOESN'T JINGLE THIS TIME.

I THINK YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M SAYING.

DUE TO THE
INCONSIDERED DEPARTURE

OF OUR ROOMMATE CORY,

RENT IS HEREBY BE
INCREASED BY 1/3.

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO
COME UP WITH AN EXTRA $200?

YEAH, I'VE ALREADY
SOLD SO MUCH BLOOD,

WHEN I CUT MYSELF
SHAVING, NOTHING CAME OUT.

IT'S A WONDERFUL
WORLD OUT THERE, PEOPLE.

I'M SURE YOU'LL
THINK OF SOMETHING.

SINCE OUR MUSICAL TASTES

HAVE PROVEN TO BE SO DIVERGENT,
THAT IT BORDERS ON THE VULGAR,

I'VE TAKEN THE
LIBERTY OF DRAWING UP

A SCHEDULE OF STEREO USE
WHICH SHALL BE CLEARLY POSTED

NEXT TO THE BATHROOM
ASSIGNMENT SHEET.

AND THE NEXT ONE OF YOU
SCHMOES WHO USES MY WATER-PIK

FOR ANYTHING OTHER
THAN DENTAL PURPOSES

WILL BE CHECKING IN AT THE "Y."

LET'S SHOW A LITTLE
CLASS HERE, PEOPLE.

WHO ARE YOU TWO?

THEY'RE FRIENDS.

EXCUSE ME?

I KNOW THAT'S A NEW
CONCEPT FOR YOU.

AND BY THE WAY SCOTT,

THE RENT IS DIVIDED BY FOUR.

NOT BY THREE.

UH-OH. GOT TO RUN.

50,000 HERNIAS
IN THE NAKED CITY.

THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS
LIKE WHEN I LEAVE.

THAT WAS SCOTT.

HE'S A DOCTOR.

THIRD-YEAR MED
STUDENT AT THE HOSPITAL.

PERFECT! FIRST, HE
TURNS YOUR STOMACH,

THEN HE PUMPS IT FOR YOU.

MORNING.

NEW YORK IS SO GREAT.

THE MINUTE I HIT THE PAVEMENT,

I COULD FEEL THE
ENERGY OF THE CITY

PULSATING BENEATH MY FEET.

THAT'S THE SUBWAY.

WHERE'S TOOTIE?

OH, I WALKED HER
OVER TO HER AUDITION.

AND THEN, I CAME UP WITH
THIS GREAT IDEA FOR A STORY.

I'M GONNA TAKE IT TO
NEW YORKER MAGAZINE.

UM... HEY, WHY DO YOUR
LEFTOVERS SAY "MR. BROADFIELD"?

THOSE AREN'T LEFTOVERS.

THEY'RE THROAT CULTURES.

SCOTT LIKES TO
BRING HIS WORK HOME.

AND HE LIKES TO PUT
THEM NEXT TO THE YOGURT.

HOW APPETIZING.

THAT'S NOT YOGURT.

HAVE A TWINKIE.

THANKS.

BEN! GET A MOVE ON.

WE'VE GOT TO BE AT
WORK IN ONE HOUR.

HEY, I'M AN ACTOR.

I DON'T DO ANYTHING BEFORE NOON.

YEAH? WELL, TODAY
YOU'RE A WAITER.

PUT A FIRE UNDER IT.

IT MUST TAKE SOME
GETTING USED TO...

LIVING WITH MEN.

I DON'T REALLY THINK
OF BEN AND SCOTT AS MEN

SO MUCH AS
RENT-PAYING ORGANISMS.

MORNING.

Ben: MORNING.

MORNING.

Ben: CLAIRE, I NEED YOU.

WHERE THE HELL ARE MY TWINKIES?

DID THEY LOOK LIKE THIS?

I GAVE IT TO HER.
I'LL PAY YOU BACK.

YOU CAN'T PAY ME BACK.

YOU'VE GOT TO COME UP
WITH EXTRA RENT MONEY.

SO DO I, AND SO DOES BEN.

YOU KNOW, I KNOW
NOBODY LIKES TO DO THIS,

BUT WHY DON'T YOU
CALL YOUR FOLKS

AND ASK THEM TO HELP YOU OUT.

SORRY, I GUESS I'VE HAD IT A
LOT EASIER THAN YOU GUYS.

I CAN'T CALL MY PARENTS
AND ASK THEM FOR MONEY.

THEY'LL MAKE ME GO
BACK TO PITTSBURGH

AND WORK FOR MY
DAD'S BARBER SHOP.

WE GOTTA GET SOMEBODY
TO TAKE CORY'S PLACE.

WELL, YOU GUYS WORK ON IT.

I'VE GOT TO WALK
MRS. NEEDLEMAN'S DOG,

FOLLOWED BY SIX HOURS

OF GIVING TOURS THROUGH
ROCKEFELLER CENTER.

AND THEN I NEED TO FIND
A THIRD SOURCE OF INCOME

WHICH DOES NOT INVOLVE TASSELS.

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND

WHY I'M NOT GETTING ANY PARTS.

MAYBE I NEED A NEW AGENT.

MAYBE YOU'RE TOO GOOD-LOOKING.

YEAH, THAT'S IT.

BUT NOBODY'S HAD THE
GUTS TO TELL ME THE TRUTH.

YOU DON'T NEED ANOTHER ROOMMATE.

JUST HAVE BEN'S EGO PAY RENT.

NATALIE, I KNOW WE DON'T
KNOW EACH OTHER VERY WELL.

BUT I FEEL LIKE I CAN
ASK YOU A FAVOR.

NAME IT.

WOULD YOU BREAK MY NOSE?

WHAT?

JUST TO GIVE MY FACE
A LITTLE CHARACTER.

GO TO WORK, BEN.

GOOD EVENING, MY NAME IS WAVE.

AND I'LL BE YOUR CONCEPTUAL
ARTIST FOR THIS EVENING.

I LIKE TO CALL THIS
ESKIMOS IN NEW JERSEY.

I'D BUY IT.

REALLY? WHAT SHOULD
I CHARGE YOU FOR IT?

I MEAN, SOMEBODY WOULD BUY IT.

OH. GIVE IT TO ME.

I BET I CAN SELL THAT
IN WASHINGTON SQUARE.

YOU'D DO THAT FOR ME, NAT?

SURE. I WANNA GO
DOWN THERE ANYWAY

TO SOAK UP SOME ATMOSPHERE
FOR MY NEW YORKER STORY.

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW
GREAT I FEEL ABOUT THIS.

I NEVER GET THIS
INSPIRED IN PEEKSKILL.

HELLO. I'M SORRY,

BUT I COULD NOT TAKE THE
KEY OFF OF THAT MAN'S HEAD.

I TRIED, BUT I COULDN'T.

HOW DID THE AUDITION GO?

THE USUAL... VERY
NICE, MISS RAMSEY.

YOU'LL BE HEARING
FROM US. THANK YOU.

THEY SAID THANK YOU?

ANOTHER NONSTOP NIGHT
IN THE LIFESAVING BUSINESS.

NATALIE, WE'VE IMPOSED ON
THESE GOOD PEOPLE FAR TOO LONG.

LET'S LEAVE.

Claire: HURRY UP,
BEN. WE'RE LATE.

TOOTIE, NOW, I WAS THINKING...

ALRIGHT, IT'S LADIES'
NIGHT AT DR. SCOTT'S.

FREE CHEST EXAMS.

COME ON, NAT. IF WE LEAVE NOW,

WE CAN MAKE THE 12:35.

TOOTIE... GET YOUR STUFF.

TOOTIE, I'VE DECIDED TO STAY.

I WANT TO LIVE HERE.

YOU WHAT?

OOH. TENSION.

SHUT UP.

I SAID I'VE DECIDED TO STAY.

THEY NEED A ROOMMATE.

I NEED A CHANGE.

WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW
THAT THEY DON'T WANT YOU.

CAN YOU PAY RENT?

UH-HUH.

Together: WE WANT YOU.

COULD SOMEBODY
HOLD HEIDI FOR ME?

GET OVER HERE, HEIDI.

HEIDI CHASED A CAT ALL THE
WAY TO THE EAST VILLAGE.

AND MY NEXT TOUR
STARTS IN 15 MINUTES.

NATALIE, WE GOT TO GO.

I HOPE YOU'RE HERE
WHEN WE GET BACK.

ME, TOO. BYE.

Nat: BYE. BYE.

DIDN'T WE SIT TOGETHER
ONCE IN ANATOMY?

NAT, YOU'RE AFRAID
TO GO BACK HOME

BECAUSE YOU'RE
AFRAID YOU DIDN'T GET

STRAIGHT As ON YOUR FINALS.

THIS HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH MY FINALS.

THIS HAS TO DO WITH MY LIFE.

TOOTIE, I KNOW I CAN BE
A BETTER WRITER HERE.

EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND,

I HAVE A GREAT IDEA.

YOU CAN WRITE IN PEEKSKILL.

I CAN WRITE THERE,
BUT I CAN'T WRITE THERE.

THE DOG AND I ARE
COMPLETELY LOST.

YOU GUYS GOT A
PROGRAM OR SOMETHING?

HEY, NATALIE, WHEN
ARE YOU LEAVING?

I'M NOT. OH, COOL.

THEN YOU CAN DROP HEIDI
OFF AT MRS. NEEDLEMAN'S. 4-A.

BYE! BYE!

TOOTIE, NEW YORK IS THE
CENTER OF THE CREATIVE WORLD.

BY JUST BEING HERE THIS WEEKEND

WITH THESE OTHER
STRUGGLING ARTISTS,

I FEEL LIKE I BELONG.

IN THAT CASE, IT'S YOUR
TURN TO CLEAN THE BATHROOM.

WE'LL DISCUSS THIS ON THE TRAIN.

I'M NOT GOING BACK WITH YOU.

I'LL BE UP IN A COUPLE
OF DAYS TO MOVE OUT,

BUT I HAVE SOME STUFF
TO DO DOWN HERE.

LIKE WHAT?

I HAVE TO FINISH THAT
STORY THAT I STARTED

AND I HAVE TO SELL THIS
DOWN AT WASHINGTON SQUARE

AND RETURN THIS
TO MRS. NEEDLEMAN.

LADIES, I'D LIKE TO REMIND YOU

THOSE CHEST EXAMS ARE FREE.

NAT, I CAN'T LEAVE
YOU HERE LIKE THIS.

TOOTIE!

IF YOU KNEW THE ONLY WAY FOR YOU

TO BECOME THE KIND OF
ACTRESS YOU WANTED TO BE

WAS TO MOVE TO NEW YORK,

AND YOU FELT THE TIME WAS RIGHT,

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

I'M GONNA MISS YOU.

I'M GOING TO MISS YOU, TOO.

GOOD LUCK.

THANKS.

FRIENDS, ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN.

GEE, CASPER.

WHICH WAY DO YOU
THINK THEY WENT?

DEAR, HOW DO YOU GET OUR SHEETS

SMELLING SO SPRINGTIME FRESH?

THERE YOU HAVE
IT, THE BEST OF BEN.

HEY, NATALIE,

YOU'VE BEEN HERE
ALMOST A WEEK NOW.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING
TO GO TO PEEKSKILL

AND BRING YOUR STUFF DOWN HERE?

I JUST HAVEN'T FOUND
SOME TIME TO DO IT... SUNDAY.

YOU HAVE TICKETS FOR THE
ART SYMPOSIUM ON SUNDAY.

OK, THEN MONDAY. WHENEVER.

I'M HOME.

NO APPLAUSE, JUST THROW MONEY.

AREN'T YOU ON CALL
AT THE HOSPITAL?

WHAT CAN I SAY? I GET
TIRED OF SICK PEOPLE.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING HOME ANYWAY?

NOTHING.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE GOING
TO THE LAUNDROMAT

FOR SOME EXCITEMENT.

IT'S MY TURN TO GUARD THE DRYER.

GO AHEAD, TAKE MY SOCKS.

MAKE MY DAY.

WELL, I'M OFF, TOO.

I'M TEACHING LINDA'S
BALLET CLASS AGAIN.

GREAT!

IT WILL BE IF SHE
PAYS ME THIS TIME.

WELL, TELL HER IF SHE DOESN'T,

THE NEXT TIME SHE DANCES,
IT'LL BE ON HER KNEES.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

YOU'RE GOING TO
DO FINE IN THIS CITY.

THANKS.

BUT IF YOU EVER TOUCH
MY TWINKIES AGAIN,

YOU DIE.

YOU KNOW, NINA'S NOT THAT BAD.

I THINK SHE'S JUST FRUSTRATED

BECAUSE IT'S SO HARD
TO MAKE IT AS A DANCER.

I MEAN, NOT THAT MAKING IT
AS AN ARTIST IS ANY EASIER.

OR A DOCTOR, FOR THAT MATTER.

I MEAN, A DOCTOR... WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

EXCUSE ME?

WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

I MEAN, ONE DAY
YOU JUST SHOW UP.

AND NOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN,
EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND,

YOU'RE THERE.

I LIVE HERE NOW.

YOU DIDN'T SEEM TO HAVE
ANY PROBLEM WITH THAT

WHEN YOU TOOK MY RENT CHECK.

DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE HERE?

DO I HAVE TO DRAW UP A
PRIVACY SCHEDULE TOO?

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A
REAL PAIN IN THE NECK.

YOU PEEKSKILL GIRLS TALK TOUGH.

LISTEN, I'M GETTING
SICK OF THIS.

ONE MINUTE, YOU'RE
KING OF THE HILL,

THE NEXT, YOU'RE
JERK OF THE WEEK.

AND I'VE HAD ENOUGH
OF BOTH OF YOU!

SO CUT THE CRAP! IS THAT
TOUGH ENOUGH FOR YOU?

I LOST MY FIRST PATIENT TONIGHT.

I MEAN, SOMEBODY JUST DIED
IN THAT BUILDING OVER THERE.

A COUPLE HOURS AGO
I WAS TALKING TO HIM,

AND I WAS LISTENING
TO HIS HEARTBEAT,

AND I WAS TELLING HIS WIFE

EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE FINE.

WHAT'S DAMN FUNNY IS THAT I
REALLY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

THAT WAS THE LAST TIME
I'LL EVER BE ABLE TO SAY

EVERYTHING'S GOING
TO BE ALL RIGHT

AND REALLY BELIEVE IT.

MY DAD WAS A SURGEON.

HE ALWAYS SAID

THE HARDEST PART ABOUT
BEING A DOCTOR WAS NOT CRYING.

I GOT IT.

WELL, I GOT RAISIN BAGELS
FOR SCOTT AND NINA,

I GOT YOU SOME TWINKIES.

I LIKE BELGIAN WAFFLES
WITH STRAWBERRIES.

NEXT TIME, BEN.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE,
WHAT IS THIS?

I HAVE A PURSE
STRAP AND NO PURSE!

THERE WAS A PURSE
ATTACHED TO THIS!

DON'T YOU KNOW ABOUT THE GUYS

WHO CUT YOUR PURSE
OFF YOUR SHOULDER?

YES, BUT THAT
DOESN'T HAPPEN TO ME.

I MEAN, I JUST WENT TO DO

ONE OF THOSE NEW
YORK THINGS YOU DO.

YOU PICK UP THE TIMES,
YOU GET SOME DELI.

YOU TALK TO THE LITTLE
MAN AT THE VEGETABLE STAND.

IT WAS A PERFECT THING.

NATALIE GREEN IN THE BIG APPLE!

ALL THAT WAS MISSING

WAS ME THROWING
MY BERET IN THE AIR.

AWW! THIS IS IT. I GOTTA
GO BACK TO PEEKSKILL.

WHAT DID I THINK I
WAS DOING HERE?

COME ON, NATALIE.
SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED.

THAT'S LIFE.

YEAH, IT'S NOT THE
END OF THE WORLD.

JUST THE END OF YOUR PURSE.

LADIES AND BEN,

IT IS MY GOOD
FORTUNE TO INFORM YOU

THAT ONE MR. FARNSWORTH
OF CON EDISON,

IN HIS INFINITE KINDNESS,

HAS AGREED TO CONTINUE TO
PROVIDE US WITH ELECTRICITY

IN EXCHANGE FOR MONEY, STAMPS,
AND A GROSS OF SURGICAL GLOVES.

I DIDN'T ASK ANY QUESTIONS.

HELLO! THE BAGEL FAIRY CAME.

NATALIE GREEN!

I THINK WE'LL KEEP HER.

MAYBE NOT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I GOT MUGGED.

OH, NO.

YOU KNOW, THAT HAPPENED
TO MY MOTHER ONCE.

SHE TOLD ME THE HARDEST
THING ABOUT BEING MUGGED

WAS NOT CRYING.

WHAT A JERK.

YES, BUT YOU'RE CRAZY
ABOUT ME. ADMIT IT.

I WISH I KNEW WHAT TO DO.

COME ON, NATALIE, GIVE
NEW YORK A CHANCE.

I HAVE.

NO, YOU HAVEN'T.

YOU WERE SLEEPING
HERE AND WAKING UP HERE,

BUT YOU STILL HAVEN'T MOVED
YOUR STUFF FROM PEEKSKILL.

THAT WAY, WHEN THE
FIRST THING GOES WRONG,

YOU CAN RUN BACK TO
YOUR SAFE LITTLE NEST.

VERY GOOD, BEN.

DID YOU READ THAT IN A PLAY?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

DON'T YOU THINK I CAN
HAVE AN ORIGINAL THOUGHT?

I'M SORRY. YOU'RE RIGHT.

AND IT'S TRUE. I HAVEN'T BEEN
ABLE TO MAKE A COMMITMENT.

BUT NOW I KNOW
WHAT I WANT TO DO.

I'M GOING TO GO
BACK TO PEEKSKILL.

I KNEW SHE'D CHICKEN OUT.

I WANT TO SEE IF I
REALLY DID ACE MY FINALS.

AND THEN I HAVE TO
WRITE THAT ARTICLE

ON THE NEW YORK AQUARIUM
FOR THE REGISTER, AND...

AND THEN I WANNA TELL
EVERYBODY UP THERE

THAT I'M COMING BACK TO
NEW YORK TO BE A WRITER

AND TO LIVE WITH THE
FOUR WEIRDEST PEOPLE

I'VE EVER MET IN MY LIFE.

ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL.

OOH!

HEY, I CAN'T ALWAYS HAVE
AN ORIGINAL THOUGHT.

WELL, THIS IS IT.

REMEMBER, I OWN THAT BED
FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH.

I SHALL RETURN.

SEE YOU LATER.

THERE'S SOMETHING'S
THAT'S JUST NOT RIGHT

ABOUT AN AQUARIUM
THAT HAS A SUSHI BAR IN IT.

ANYBODY WANT TO HEAR
THIS BEFORE I TURN IT IN?

I'M TOO TIRED TO LISTEN.

I TOLD YOU GUYS A GARAGE
SALE WAS A LOT OF WORK.

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC'S
25 CENTS APIECE.

SOMEBODY STOP BLAIR.

SHE WANTS TO HOLD THIS
THING OVER ANOTHER WEEK.

IF I HAVE TO WRITE "ALMOST
NEW" ON ONE MORE TAG,

I THINK I'M GONNA DIE.

IS THERE ANYTHING LEFT TO SELL?

WELL, SHE'S PRETTY
MUCH CLEANED US OUT.

THAT'LL BECOME PAINFULLY CLEAR

NEXT TIME YOU
VISIT THE BATHROOM.

SHE'S NOT GETTING
HER HANDS ON MY CLOCK.

DO YOU THINK TOOTIE WILL
MIND IF I SELL HER ROLLERSKATES?

I'VE GOT SOMEBODY
WHO WANTS THEM.

SHE SPENT HER PUBERTY ON THOSE.

LAST TIME I LOOKED,

SHE OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T
NEED THEM ANYMORE.

DID YOU SEE THE WAY SHE
WAS LOOKING AT MY CLOCK?

WELL, NATALIE, NOW THAT
YOUR ARTICLE'S FINISHED,

I SUPPOSE YOU'LL BE
HEADING BACK TO NEW YORK.

NOT JUST YET. I
HAVE AN OBLIGATION

TO KEEP WORKING AT
THE REGISTER FOR AWHILE.

UNTIL WHEN?

UNTIL I CAN CON THE EDITOR

INTO WRITING ME A
GREAT RECOMMENDATION.

HEY, YOU GUYS, GUESS WHAT?

I WENT ON THE CALLBACK
FOR THE MUSICAL,

AND I GOT THE PART.

OH, I KNEW YOU CAN DO IT!

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT
REALLY IMPRESSED THEM?

I HAVE TO BE ON
ROLLERSKATES FOR THE PART.

AND I TOLD THEM I
ALREADY HAD MY OWN!

BLAIR!