The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 8, Episode 3 - Ready or Not - full transcript

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♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪

♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪

♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪

♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪

♪ THEN SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪



♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪

♪ YOU ♪

♪ ALL ABOUT YOU ♪

♪ YOU ♪

♪ ALL ABOUT YOU ♪

♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪

BLAIR, THIS IS CRIMINAL.

YOU REGISTERED FOR 37 COURSES.

JO, I APPROACH
COLLEGE LIKE SHOPPING.

WHAT CLASSES I DON'T
LIKE, I'LL JUST RETURN.



WOULD YOU LIKE TO BROWSE?

OKAY, WHERE IS IT?

YOUR CIGAR?

MY HARD HAT.

I START WORK ON THE
HIGHWAY CREW TODAY.

I CANNOT SHOW UP TO
WORK WITHOUT MY HARD HAT.

PERHAPS YOU LEFT IT
HANGING ON YOUR GUN RACK.

I'M GOING TO RETRACE MY STEPS.

I BROUGHT IT IN.

I REMEMBER THE
LAST PLACE I PUT IT.

BEVERLY ANN!

I DON'T KNOW, TOOTIE,

I THINK WE'D BETTER
DROP THAT IMPROV CLASS

BEFORE THEY KICK US OUT.

YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

OH, HI, GUYS. HI, GUYS.

HEY. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU TWO ARE

A GREAT INFLUENCE ON EACH OTHER.

FIRST TWO WEEKS AT COLLEGE,

YOU'RE ALREADY IN TROUBLE?

WE CAN'T HELP IT.

THIS CLASS IS SO SILLY.

THE TEACHER LEADS
OFF WITH HIS IMPRESSION

OF A TUNA FISH SANDWICH.

SO WHEN IT WAS OUR TURN,
WE DID OUR IMPRESSION

OF TWO STUDENTS
LEAVING CLASS EARLY.

HI, PEOPLE.

HI. HI.

WELL, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU TWO

SINCE YOU STAYED OUT
SO LATE LAST NIGHT...

SO VERY, VERY LATE LAST NIGHT.

BEVERLY ANN, YOU WERE
YOUNG ONCE... WEREN'T YOU?

YES, JUST BEFORE I CAME IN HERE.

WELL... I HAVE TO GO.

GOOD-BYE, RUDY.

GOOD-BYE, TOOTIE.

GOOD-BYE, LUNCH.

LOOK! THEY'RE SEPARATED!

THE OPERATION WAS A SUCCESS.

YOU GUYS, RUDY AND I DON'T
SEE THAT MUCH OF EACH OTHER.

TOOTIE, HE'S IN THE BACKGROUND
OF YOUR STUDENT I.D. PHOTO.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T
THAT ATTRACTED TO HIM

WHEN YOU WERE IN THAT
PLAY WITH HIM ALL SUMMER.

KEEP IN MIND, HE WAS
PLAYING METHUSELAH,

WHO WAS A 969-YEAR-OLD MAN.

OH! JUST RIGHT FOR ME.

PERCEPTUAL PSYCHOPHYSICS, BLAIR?

YOU DON'T EVEN
KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.

SURE, I DO.

IT MEANS I'LL BE SITTING NEXT TO ALAN
BARKER FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS.

TOOTIE, I... I DON'T THINK
THIS IS ANY OF MY BUSINESS.

I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S
NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

I'M VIRTUALLY CERTAIN
IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS,

BUT, UH...

AREN'T YOU SEEING AN
AWFUL LOT OF THIS FELLOW?

BEVERLY ANN, THAT'S
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

WELL, SINCE I WAS
RIGHT ABOUT THAT,

LET ME PROCEED.

I CAN'T HELP REMEMBERING
WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE,

AND THERE WAS THIS GUY.

UH, WE'LL CALL HIM THOR. UH...

I... I NEVER WANTED
TO LEAVE HIS SIDE.

I WENT TO ALL OF HIS GAMES,

I WAITED FOR HIM AFTER CLASS,

I EVEN KNITTED HIM A RED CAP.

AND THEN, ONE DAY,

WHEN WE WERE AT THE MOVIES, UH,

HE TURNED TO ME
AND HE SAID, UM...

"WHO ARE YOU, AND WHERE
DID YOU LEARN TO KNIT?"

BEVERLY ANN...

LOOK, I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY, AND...

I APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN,

BUT RUDY AND I AREN'T SEEING
THAT MUCH OF EACH OTHER.

I'VE GOT THE MOVIE SECTION.

JUST A MINUTE.

LOOK. I'M AN ADULT NOW...

AND I REALLY DON'T
NEED YOUR SUPERVISION.

SO, WHAT MOVIE DO YOU
WANT TO SEE TONIGHT?

WELL, RUDY...

DO YOU THINK WE'RE SEEING
TOO MUCH OF EACH OTHER?

HOW CAN YOU SEE
TOO MUCH OF SOMEONE

YOU CAN'T SEE ENOUGH OF?

I KNOW.

WE LIKE THE SAME THINGS,

WE HUM THE SAME SONGS.

WE FINISH EACH
OTHER'S... SENTENCES.

I WAS GOING TO SAY PIZZA.

YOU KNOW, TOOTIE...

I CAN'T IMAGINE LOVING YOU
ANY MORE THAN I DO RIGHT NOW.

NEITHER CAN I.

ACTUALLY, I CAN IMAGINE
LOVING YOU... MORE.

I GUESS SOONER OR LATER
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO DECIDE

HOW FAR THIS
RELATIONSHIP SHOULD GO.

WELL, IT FEELS LIKE
IT COULD GO FOREVER.

I MEANT... HOW
FAR... WE SHOULD GO.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

WELL, I'M GLAD WE'RE GETTING
THIS OUT INTO THE OPEN.

YEAH, TALKING IS GOOD.

YES, LOTS OF TALKING IS GOOD.

PEOPLE SHOULD TALK A LOT
BEFORE THEY DECIDE TO HAVE...

DECISIONS.

SO, DO YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT?

SURE!

I'M KIND OF NEW AT THIS.

WHAT USUALLY HAPPENS NOW?

WELL...

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH...

I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY...

I HAVEN'T REALLY...
YOU MEAN, YOU'RE...

DON'T SAY IT!

I HATE THAT WORD.

YOU ARE!

OKAY!

I AM.

WELL, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH BEING A VIRGIN.

OH, GOD, I HATE THAT WORD.

TOOTIE... CAN I ASK
YOU A QUESTION?

SURE.

DO YOU THINK WE'RE THE
LAST TWO VIRGINS ON EARTH?

IT PROBABLY JUST SEEMS THAT WAY.

THEY SAY YOU NEVER
FORGET YOUR FIRST LOVE.

I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU...

NO MATTER WHAT.

YOU ARE MY FIRST LOVE.

THIS IS SPECIAL.

AND MAYBE WE
SHOULD THINK ABOUT IT.

YEAH.

LET'S THINK ABOUT IT.

WELL, THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY,

AND I DO LOVE THAT
PERFUME YOU'RE WEARING.

MY GOD! SHE SMELLED
LIKE A WET COLLIE.

OKAY, I HAVE JUST ONE QUESTION.

IF A GUY SAW A
GIRL IN THIS OUTFIT,

IS THERE ANY WAY HE COULD
EVER BE ATTRACTED TO HER?

ABSOLUTELY. I LOVE A WOMAN
WHO GLOWS IN THE DARK.

SO, HOW'S THE HIGHWAY ROAD GANG?

THIS IS NOT COOL HAND LUKE, JO.

WE'RE NOT CHAINED AT THE ANKLES.

THOUGH, I WOULDN'T MIND
BEING CHAINED TO THIS GUY

THEY JUST PUT IN
CHARGE OF HOT TAR.

AND THEY SAY ROMANCE IS DEAD.

I KNOW WHAT THAT OUTFIT
NEEDS... AN ACCESSORY.

I HAVE A BARRETTE.

DO YOU, PERCHANCE, HAVE ONE

THAT COULD FLAG
DOWN A DUMP TRUCK?

TELL ME IF I'VE OVERSTEPPED
MY BOUNDS HERE.

IN FACT, PHONE ME.

HERE WE ARE, PATTI
LaBELLE'S PARTY BARRETTES.

THERE.

OH, THANK YOU.

I JUST LOVE THAT YOU'RE
SHOWING AN INTEREST.

WELL, I AM INTERESTED
IN YOU AND TOOTIE

AND THAT VERY SWEET BOY

SHE'S SEEING
ENTIRELY TOO MUCH OF.

OH, THAT. THAT'S NO BIG DEAL.

YOU DON'T THINK SHE'S GETTING

TOO SERIOUS ABOUT THAT FELLOW?

OH, YOU DON'T KNOW TOOTIE.

SHE WOULD HAVE TOLD
ME. SHE ALWAYS TELLS ME.

I'M SORT OF LIKE HER
FATHER CONFESSOR.

WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE,
MY CONFIDANTE WAS WILMA.

WILMA THE WEASEL,
THEY CALLED HER.

I NEVER TOTALLY TRUSTED HER.

WELL, ANYWAY, YOU
GIRLS ARE LUCKY.

YEAH. OOH, THANKS,
YOU REMINDED ME...

THERE'S SOMETHING I
NEED TO ASK TOOTIE ABOUT.

IF THERE'S ANYTHING
I SHOULD KNOW...

A-ABOUT... SOMETHING
I SHOULDN'T KNOW...

YOU'LL LET ME KNOW?

NO.

HI. HI.

YOU WENT SHOPPING WITHOUT ME.

YEAH, LAST MINUTE. YOU
KNOW, IMPULSE BUYING.

WHAT DID YOU GET?
UM, NOTHING MUCH.

JUST SHOES AND
THINGS LIKE... SHOES.

WELL, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HOME.

I NEED TO TALK. SURE. WHAT'S UP?

YOU KNOW SNAKE.

HOT TAR MAN?

YEAH.

ANYWAY, HE INVITED
ME TO THIS PARTY

TO HELP CELEBRATE THE
COMPLETION OF THE ROAD.

OH, RIGHT. WHAT DO
THEY CALL THOSE?

ROAD COMPLETION PARTIES.

RIGHT. WELL, IT SOUNDS
LIKE A LOT OF FUN.

YEAH, BUT THEY TELL
ME THEY PULL SOME

PRETTY WILD STUNTS
AT THOSE THINGS.

OF COURSE, I TOLD
SNAKE THE TIME I WENT

TO THAT TOGA PARTY
WEARING A SHEET

AND CAME HOME
WEARING A PILLOWCASE.

YOU TOLD SNAKE ABOUT THAT?

I TOLD HIM YOU CAME HOME
WEARING A CLOTHESLINE.

NATALIE!

SORRY, BUT WHEN YOU'RE
STANDING OUT THERE

IN THE HOT SUN ON AN UNPAVED
ROAD DRESSED LIKE A MAN,

YOU TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.

SO... DO YOU THINK I SHOULD GO?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, NATALIE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK I'D LIKE TO
KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

WELL, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

I THINK THAT IT'S TIME YOU STARTED
MAKING YOUR OWN DECISIONS

ABOUT THESE KINDS OF THINGS.

WELL, I'M JUST
ASKING YOUR ADVICE.

YOU KNOW WE ALWAYS
TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING.

YEAH, I KNOW, BUT WE'RE
NOT 12 YEARS OLD ANYMORE.

WE DON'T SIT AROUND IN OUR
JAMMIES DRINKING HOT CHOCOLATE,

TELLING SECRETS AND GIGGLING.

YES, WE DO.

WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS...

THERE COMES A TIME WHEN
WE DON'T HAVE TO DISCUSS

EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM
WITH EACH OTHER.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE OUR HUSBANDS
MIGHT FEEL LEFT OUT.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'M GONNA MAKE THIS
DECISION ALL BY MYSELF.

IN FACT, I ALREADY HAVE.

GOOD.

DON'T YOU WANT
TO KNOW WHAT IT IS?

NO.

OKAY.

I'LL SEE YOU WHEN I GET
BACK FROM THE PARTY.

OOPS!

OH, WHAT A LOVELY NIGHTGOWN.

SOMETHING FOR YOUR MOTHER?

NO, IT'S FOR ME.

OH.

WELL... I BET IT'D BE A LOT
MORE COMFY IN FLANNEL.

LOOK, I CAN WEAR ANY
KIND OF NIGHTGOWN I WANT

WHENEVER I WANT.

TOOTIE... I KNOW I'M
NOT YOUR MOTHER...

OR YOUR GUARDIAN,
OR A CLOSE FRIEND,

OR EVEN AN ACQUAINTANCE
OF MORE THAN FOUR WEEKS,

BUT CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT THIS?

LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TO DISCUSS

EVERY LIFE DECISION I MAKE

WITH YOU OR ANYONE ELSE!

IT'S NOBODY'S
BUSINESS BUT MY OWN!

NOBODY'S!

INTERRUPT SOMETHING?

YES. NO! YES! I DON'T KNOW.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. I
ONLY CAME IN ONCE.

I'M SORRY.

I JUST HAD A LITTLE
BIT OF A SHOCK, UH,

BUT I REALIZE THERE'S
LITTLE OR NOTHING

I CAN DO ABOUT IT AND, UH,

I ACCEPT THAT NOW,
AND SO I WILL BE FINE,

AND, UH, SO WILL WE ALL.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT?

I'M FINE.

DON'T ANSWER THAT!

IT'S PROBABLY RUDY.

RUDY, WHAT A SURPRISE.

COME ON IN. HI.

YOU BROUGHT FLOWERS.

SOME SPECIAL OCCASION?

NO, NOT REALLY.

IT'S JUST LIKE THE FLORISTS SAY,

"SAY IT WITH FLOWERS."

WHAT A LOVELY SENTIMENT.

WELL, HERE, I... I'LL JUST
PUT THESE IN WATER.

YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE HER.

SHE'S NEW HERE.

GUESS WHO?

IF IT'S NOT TOOTIE, I'M TAKEN.

YOU'RE SO SWEET.

I FOUND US THIS REALLY
GREAT APARTMENT,

AND IT'S OURS FOR
THE WHOLE NIGHT.

IS IT NICE?

YOU PROMISED IT
WOULD BE ROMANTIC.

IT'S A SPECIAL PLACE, TOOTIE.

AND TONIGHT'S GOING
TO BE A SPECIAL NIGHT.

HOW COULD DAVE DO THIS TO US?

HE PROMISED ME I COULD
USE THE APARTMENT TONIGHT!

RUDY, IT'S OKAY.
IT'S NOT HIS FAULT

HIS PARENTS THREW HIM A
SURPRISE PARTY TONIGHT.

I'M JUST GLAD WE
WEREN'T THE ONES THERE

WHEN THEY YELLED, "SURPRISE!"

YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

I KNOW THIS ISN'T THE WALDORF,

BUT I DON'T CARE WHERE I AM

AS LONG AS I'M WITH YOU.

ME NEITHER.

CHAMPAGNE!

CIDER. OH, GOOD.

OOH. SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD YEAR.

TO US.

TONIGHT... AND FOREVER.

TOOTIE, I'M SCARED.

WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

I'LL BE BRAVE.

HOW ABOUT SOME MUSIC?

SURE! WHAT WOULD
YOU LIKE TO HEAR?

SOMETHING SOFT,
KIND OF ROMANTIC.

I CAN'T REALLY SEE.

WELL, ANYTHING'S FINE.

♪ FOR DINNER AT 8:00 ♪

♪ I LOVE THE THEATER,
BUT I NEVER COME LATE ♪

TOOTIE... I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

♪ THAT'S WHY THE
LADY IS A TRAMP ♪♪

I'M NOT IN THE MOOD
FOR SHOW TUNES, UH...

RADIO?

OH.

ALL TALK RADIO.

OUR TOPIC FOR THIS HALF HOUR,

THE DRAMATIC RISE IN
TEENAGE PREGNANCIES.


BY THE WAY... A
WHOLE BOX OF THEM.

A BOX?

120.

IT WAS THE ONLY PACKAGE
THEY HAD ON DISPLAY...

AN... AND I DIDN'T WANT TO ASK.

YOU MEAN YOU WERE
EMBARRASSED ABOUT BUYING THE...

THINGAMABOBS?

BEVERLY ANN, WHAT IS
THE MATTER WITH YOU?

I, UH, I'M IN AN AWKWARD
SITUATION HERE.

I, UH, I DON'T HAVE ANY REAL
AUTHORITY OVER YOU GIRLS,

BUT, UH, I AM AN ADULT,

AND, UH, SOMETIMES I FEEL

I SHOULD GIVE YOU THE BENEFIT

OF MY JUDGMENT, SUCH AS IT IS.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

WELL, THAT DEPENDS ON
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

DID JO AND I DO SOMETHING
THAT BOTHERED YOU?

NO, NO. THIS IS ABOUT TOOTIE.

OH, WELL, IN THAT CASE, UH...

GIVE US THE BENEFIT
OF YOUR JUDGMENT.

SUCH AS IT IS.

I THINK TOOTIE IS WAY
TOO SERIOUS ABOUT RUDY.

BEVERLY ANN,
YOU'RE WAY OFF BASE.

THERE'S NOTHING HEAVY GOING ON.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?
I SAT RIGHT THERE

AND LISTENED TO TOOTIE TELL ME

SHE WAS GONNA
HAVE SEX WITH RUDY.

SHE TOLD YOU THAT?

SHE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE.

SHE SAID WE WERE TOO OLD

TO TALK ABOUT CERTAIN
THINGS ANYMORE.

I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.

LET'S NOT PANIC, NATALIE.

AFTER ALL, TOOTIE IS AN ADULT.

THEN AGAIN... SO IS HE.

RUDY, I KNOW I KEEP
SAYING TO TAKE IT SLOW,

BUT NOT THAT SLOW.

BUT SLOW.

OH, TOOTIE.

RUDY. TOOTIE.

RUDY.

RUDY. EXCUSE ME, RUDY.

WHAT?

MY ARM IS PINNED
AGAINST THE LITTER TRAY.

OH, HOLD ON.

RUDY!

REAR DOOR IS AJAR.

AAH! WHO WAS THAT?

REAR DOOR IS AJAR.

THERE'S SOMEBODY OUT THERE.

NO. IT'S JUST THE CAR DOOR.

NO, IT ISN'T. IT'S A
MURDERER OUT THERE.

I CAN FEEL HIS EYES.

OKAY... OKAY.

I'LL GO LOOK.

THANK YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LOCKING YOU OUT.

I DON'T WANT THIS
TO BE JUST SEX.

LOOK, TOOTIE,

I'M SORRY IF I GOT A
LITTLE CARRIED AWAY.

OKAY.

I'M SORRY I LOCKED
YOU OUT OF THE CAR.

NO, NO.

I DESERVED IT.

BUT YOU'RE FORGIVEN.

RUDY.

RUDY, STOP IT!

RUDY!

I CAN'T DO THIS.

I CHANGED MY MIND.

I'M NOT READY TO HAVE SEX.

THIS ISN'T SEX.
WE'RE MAKING LOVE.

MAYBE IT ISN'T MAKING LOVE.

MAYBE IT'S JUST HORMONES.

NO. NO, IT ISN'T.

WE LOVE EACH OTHER.

THEN WE'LL WAIT
UNTIL IT'S RIGHT.

YOU MEAN UNTIL WE'RE MARRIED?

I DON'T WANT TO WAIT THAT LONG.

I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG.

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN EITHER.

BUT I KNOW I JUST CAN'T TONIGHT.

RUDY, YOU WERE RIGHT.

THERE'S ONLY ONE FIRST TIME.

AND FOR ME, THAT'S GOING
TO BE VERY, VERY SPECIAL.

I TAKE IT YOU AND
RUDY HAD A FIGHT.

LOOK, I TOLD YOU,

I DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS
MY PROBLEMS ANYMORE.

ALL RIGHT, MAYBE THIS ONCE,

IF IT WOULD MAKE
YOU GUYS FEEL BETTER.

HE HATES ME.

OH, I'M SURE HE
DOESN'T HATE YOU.

AND WHAT IF HE DOES?

WE STARTED TO...

WELL, YOU KNOW, AND...

AND THEN I CHANGED MY MIND.

I'VE RUINED EVERYTHING.

TOOTIE, IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU WANTED.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.

I WENT THROUGH SOMETHING
VERY MUCH LIKE THIS

WITH MY HUSBAND, FRANK.

WHEN HE RAN OFF
WITH, UM, THAT WOMAN,

WHATEVER HER NAME IS.
WE'LL CALL HER TROLLOP.

ANYWAY, I SAID TO MYSELF,

IF THERE IS ANYTHING BETWEEN US,

HE'LL BE BACK.

BUT HE DIDN'T COME BACK.

OKAY.

WE CAN STILL LEARN
FROM THAT STORY.

SOMETIMES... THEY
DON'T COME BACK.

HE DOES LOVE ME.

GUYS...

HI.

HI.

FORGOT MY BOOKS.

I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.

YEAH. SEE YOU AROUND.

I REALLY DO LIKE HIM.

I'M JUST NOT READY.

GETTING SERIOUS TOO SOON

HAS A WAY OF
TURNING THINGS UGLY.

IF YOU DON'T THINK I
KNOW WHAT UGLY IS...

JUST LOOK AT THIS RUG.

BEVERLY ANN...

THANKS FOR BEING HERE.

HEY...

CONGRATULATIONS ON
BECOMING A WOMAN TONIGHT.

I TOLD YOU. I DIDN'T.

OH, YES YOU DID.