The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 6, Episode 5 - Cruisin' - full transcript
♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN',
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY,
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
OKAY, SO WHEN WE DO
"SUGAR PIE HONEY BUNCH,"
I WANT YOU TO DO
THE "LOVE YOU"...
OH, WAIT, BLAIR,
WHY DON'T YOU DO IT?
I DON'T WANT TO
DO THE "LOVE YOU"...
OH, THEN YOU DO THE "LOVE YOU."
ONE, TWO, THREE...
♪ SUGAR PIE, HONEY BUNCH ♪
♪ YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU ♪
♪ LOVE YOU ♪
♪ I CAN'T HELP MYSELF ♪
♪ I LOVE YOU AND NOBODY ELSE ♪
YOU'RE SO JUVENILE.
WE SHOULD JUST TURN
AROUND AND GO HOME.
BLAIR, WHEN I WAS
12, I PROMISED MYSELF
THAT ONCE BEFORE I
DIED, I WOULD GO CRUISING.
TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT! YOU
CAN'T MESS WITH DESTINY.
BUT WHO CRUISES IN PEEKSKILL?
PARK AVENUE, I CAN UNDERSTAND.
THE CHAMPS-ELYSEES,
I CAN UNDERSTAND.
BUT... THERE'S CORN
GROWING OUT THERE.
IT GETS BETTER ONCE
YOU GET INTO TOWN.
WELL, WHAT IF SOMEBODY
RECOGNIZES ME?
I WOULD JUST ROLL UP AND DIE.
DO YOU MIND?
BLAIR, THERE'S GONNA
BE LOTS OF PEOPLE.
WE'RE JUST GONNA
BE FOUR GIRLS DRIVING
UP AND DOWN THE MAIN STREET.
WHO'S GONNA NOTICE?
COLLEGE GUYS, IF
THERE'S A GOD IN HEAVEN.
BLAIR!
JUST KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD.
DADDY WAS NICE
ENOUGH TO LEND ME THIS
WHILE MY PORSCHE IS IN THE SHOP.
I DON'T WANNA
GIVE IT BACK TO HIM
WITH A COW ON THE FENDER.
DON'T WORRY, I NEVER HIT
ANYTHING I DON'T WANNA HIT.
WHY CAN'T WE JUST GO TO A MOVIE?
THIS WHOLE THING IS POINTLESS.
ACTUALLY, IT'S A VERY
INTERESTING PHENOMENON, BLAIR.
SEE, EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT,
THOUSANDS OF YOUNG PEOPLE
DRIVE SLOWLY PAST EACH OTHER.
IT'S THE AMERICAN EQUIVALENT
OF A PRIMITIVE MATING RITUAL.
NOW, YOU'RE TALKING MY LANGUAGE.
BLAIR, I NEED THE MIRROR.
I AM THE DRIVER.
I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR
PEOPLE'S LIVES HERE.
WE EACH HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES.
MINE IS TO ALWAYS LOOK MY BEST.
(TIRES SCREECH)
THERE WAS A
SQUIRREL ON THE ROAD.
VERY CONVENIENT,
WOULDN'T YOU SAY?
YEAH, BLAIR, WE PLANNED IT
THAT WAY, ME AND THE SQUIRREL.
IT TOOK WEEKS TO
FIGURE OUT THE TIMING.
BLAIR, GIVE ME SOME TUNEAGE.
JUST SIT DOWN,
TOOTIE, I'LL GET IT.
FIND ME SOMETHING GOOD.
AND I SAY TO YOU, YEA,
THOUGH YOU BE POOR,
THOUGH YOU BE
DOWNTRODDEN, THOUGH YOU BE...
A SEVERE SOYBEAN BUD DISEASE,
CHARACTERIZED BY THE WITHERING
AND DEATH OF THE PLANT...
I'M REALLY GETTING
IN A PARTY MOOD.
OH WILLIAMS AT THE BIG 57,
ROCKING YOU INTO SATURDAY NIGHT!
ALL RIGHT! HEY,
CRANK IT UP, PLAYER!
♪ HOT STUFF, BABY,
THIS EVENING ♪
♪ I NEED SOME HOT
STUFF, BABY, TONIGHT ♪
♪ I WANT SOME... ♪♪
THIS IS GREAT, I LOVE THIS!
THIS IS JUST SO... GREAT.
WHERE ARE ALL THE MEN?
PERHAPS THERE'S A
TRACTOR PULL TONIGHT.
IT'S STILL EARLY.
CRUISING DOESN'T START
SERIOUSLY FOR A WHILE.
HOW LONG IS A WHILE?
I DON'T KNOW, I JUST
LOOK EXPERIENCED.
LET'S FACE IT, WE DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT CRUISING.
IT'S PART OF THE
SEAMIER SIDE OF LIFE.
ONLY HICKS AND
STREET PEOPLE DO IT.
JO?
YOU GIRLS ARE ON YOUR OWN.
I'M JUST HERE TO DRIVE.
BUT YOU MUST'VE DONE IT BEFORE.
WE WANNA KNOW EVERYTHING...
START WITH THE GUYS.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, THE
WAY WE DID IT IN THE BRONX
WAS YOU DRIVE UP
AND DOWN THE STREET
AT EXACTLY 15 MILES AN HOUR.
YOU GO TOO FAST, YOU
CAN'T SEE THE GUYS.
TOO SLOW, AND THEY
STEAL YOUR TIRES.
HUNK AT 2:00! WHERE? WHERE?
NO, TOOTIE, THIS IS MY WINDOW.
OH, HE'S GONE.
I LOVE YOUR CAR, BLAIR.
IT'S LIKE SITTING IN A
SUBMARINE BACK HERE.
ALL ANYONE CAN SEE
IS THE TOPS OF MY EARS.
FORTUNATELY, THEY ARE DARLING.
WELL, LET ME GIVE
YOU A LITTLE ADVICE.
THE BEST WAY TO ATTRACT A MAN
IS TO APPEAR TOTALLY
DISINTERESTED.
IT'S DIFFICULT TO PULL
OFF WITH ONE'S TONGUE
DRAGGING ALONG THE CURB.
HEY, THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!
LET ME SEE, LET ME SEE!
WOULD YOU TWO STOP GAWKING?
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE.
A ZERO.
LET ME TRY.
(WHOOPING)
HE LOOKED LIKE HE HAD
A PLEASANT PERSONALITY.
WOW, LOOK AT THAT BODY.
WHERE? WHERE?
A '56 CORVETTE RAGTOP.
JO, THAT'S A CAR.
LET'S TRY AND GET INTO
THE SPIRIT OF THE OCCASION.
OH, MY GOSH!
A CARFUL OF GIRLS!
I CAN SEE WE'RE A
LITTLE CONFUSED HERE.
IT'S KATHY McKEGNY
FROM PHI DELTA.
SHE HAS THE BIGGEST MOUTH.
SHE'LL TELL EVERYBODY
SHE SAW ME CRUISING.
SHE HAS THIS RIDICULOUS
GRUDGE AGAINST ME
SIMPLY BECAUSE I ASKED
HER FIANCÉ TO HOMECOMING.
YOU THINK SHE RECOGNIZED ME?
NO.
YOU CLEVERLY DISGUISED
YOUR FACE WITH THAT PURSE.
AH, THEY'RE TURNING OFF.
KATHY McKEGNY CRUISING.
SHE MUST REALLY BE
HARD UP FOR A DATE.
IT'S 8:45 IN PEEKSKILL,
AND ALMOST TIME
FOR WILD BOB'S ROCK
AND ROLL TRIVIA CONTEST.
A CONTEST! I LOVE CONTESTS.
EVERY HOUR TONIGHT, BOB'S
GONNA HIT YOU WITH A HARD ONE,
AND IF YOU CALL IN WITH
THE RIGHT ANSWER, YOU WIN...
READY FOR THIS?
I'M WITH YOU, BOB.
TWO TICKETS TO THE
ABBA REUNION CONCERT,
RIGHT AFTER THIS WORD
FROM ACNO, THE MEDICA...
ABBA! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!
I WANT THOSE TICKETS, NATALIE.
WHY? YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE ABBA.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'VE ALWAYS LOVED ABBA.
OH, SURE, YOU HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON
WITH FOUR BLONDE, SINGING SWEDES.
I BUY EVERY ONE
OF THEIR RECORDS.
THEY HAVEN'T MADE ONE IN
THREE YEARS, THEY BROKE UP.
WELL, THAT'S WHY I
TREASURE THEM SO.
OKAY, NAME ONE OF THEIR SONGS.
SOMETHING ABOUT "THIS GUY."
WAY TO BE, DICK CLARK.
OKAY, PEEKSKILLIANS, THIS IS IT.
THIS IS IT, TURN
IT UP, TURN IT UP.
THE STONE PONEYS PRODUCED
WHAT SUPERSTAR OF ROCK AND ROLL?
I'LL TAKE THE SEVENTH CALLER.
LINDA RONSTADT!
HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?
HEY, THERE'S A PHONE!
STOP THE CAR, STOP THE CAR!
TOOTIE, I'M DRIVING!
TOOTIE!
TOOTIE, ENOUGH OF
THE SILENT TREATMENT.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU DIDN'T
WIN THAT STUPID CONTEST.
YOU TOOK MY ONLY DIME.
I SAID I WAS SORRY!
I HAD TO ASK A BUM FOR CHANGE.
HE TOOK OFF HIS SHOE TO GET IT.
SO, YOU MADE A NEW FRIEND.
AT LEAST YOU GOT
TO TALK TO WILD BOB.
HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN SAY THAT?
YEAH, HE WAS REALLY NICE.
LIKE... LIKE HE REALLY CARED.
HE THANKED ME FOR CALLING
AND ASKED ME TO
TRY AGAIN NEXT HOUR.
A REAL HUMANITARIAN.
OH, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS,
BUT I'M HAVING
THE TIME OF MY LIFE.
TO THINK I'VE BEEN IN
PEEKSKILL ALL THESE YEARS,
AND THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I'VE DRIVEN UP AND DOWN
THE MAIN STREET 23 TIMES.
HEY, DO YOU KNOW THIS SEAT
ADJUSTS SIX DIFFERENT WAYS?
AND THEN, THERE'S THE
STIMULATING CONVERSATION.
IT'S GETTING A
LITTLE HOT IN HERE.
WHY CAN'T WE ROLL
THE WINDOWS DOWN?
IT'S AN EXTENSION
OF BODY LANGUAGE.
CLOSED WINDOWS MAKE YOU
APPEAR ALOOF AND UNATTAINABLE.
OPEN WINDOWS MEAN YOU'RE EASY.
OH. WHICH ONE ARE WE?
HOW ABOUT WE SETTLE
FOR HALFWAY DOWN...
DISCRIMINATING,
YET APPROACHABLE?
ALL RIGHT.
WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT, TOOTIE?
LOOK AT THAT.
HE'S GOT A HELMET
ON. I CAN'T SEE HIS FACE.
I'M A SUCKER FOR
A MAN IN LEATHER.
450 CCs, FUEL INJECTED,
DUAL EXHAUSTS.
I THINK WE CAN TAKE HIM.
I HOPE SO.
NATALIE, HE HAS ZIPPERS
ALL OVER HIS BODY.
HEY, HE'S LOOKING RIGHT AT US.
MAYBE HE'S LOST. MAYBE
HE NEEDS DIRECTIONS.
WHY DON'T I ASK?
HEY, HEY, HEY!
NATALIE!
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?
JO, HIT THE WINDOW LOCK.
TOOTIE, STRAP A
SEAT BELT ON HER.
"HEY, HEY, HEY"?
DO YOU HAVE A
BETTER OPENING LINE?
OH, GREAT. HE'S GONE.
FOR ALL I KNOW, THAT MIGHT'VE
BEEN MY FUTURE HUSBAND.
WE COULD BE MARRIED AND
RAISING LITTLE LEATHERETTES.
THANKS TO YOU, I'LL NEVER KNOW.
NO ONE LOOK NOW,
BUT THERE ARE SOME REALLY
CLASSY GUYS BESIDE US.
WHERE? WHERE?
I AM NEVER GOING OUT
WITH YOU TWO AGAIN.
I THINK THEY LIKE
US. THEY'RE STOPPING.
IT'S A RED LIGHT.
QUIT STARING. YOU'LL
SCARE THEM AWAY.
OH, NOT A CHANCE. WE'VE
HOOKED THEM WITH OUR ALOOFNESS.
OH, MY.
BLAIR, I REALLY THINK
YOU SHOULD SEE THIS.
YOU'RE ACTING AS IF
YOU'VE NEVER SEEN...
OH, MY GOODNESS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT,
IN THIS WEATHER?
WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON?
BLAIR'S CLASSY GUYS
ARE MOONING US.
THIS IS HIDEOUS!
OH, YOU'RE FOGGING
THE WINDOW AGAIN.
I THINK I KNOW THAT GUY.
JO, WILL YOU DRIVE, PLEASE?
JUST DRIVE, ANYWHERE,
DOWN THE STREET,
OVER A CLIFF, WHATEVER'S HANDY.
BLAIR, IT'S A RED LIGHT.
I DON'T CARE.
THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO HEAR.
[SIREN]
YOU SAID YOU
WANTED TO MEET A GUY.
TO RUN A RED LIGHT RIGHT
IN FRONT OF A POLICEMAN.
HOW COULD YOU BE SO DUMB?
ME? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAME UP
WITH THE MEDICAL
EMERGENCY STORY.
NATALIE, IN LABOR.
DID YOU NOTICE HOW I BIT
DOWN ON MY SEAT BELT?
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHY DID YOU CUT OFF THE RADIO?
I DON'T KNOW WHY, TOOTIE.
IT TURNS OFF WITH THE CAR.
CALL IT ONE OF LIFE'S
LITTLE MYSTERIES.
JO, I'M GONNA MISS THE CONTEST.
ISN'T THAT GONNA
HURT THE ENGINE?
BATTERY. BATTERY?
BLAIR, THIS BABY HAS A BATTERY
WITH COMPUTER-DESIGNED GRIDS,
SUPER-EFFICIENT SEPARATORS
THAT GIVE OUT OVER
650 COLD CRANKS.
IT WORRIES ME THAT
YOU KNOW THAT.
WELL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA HAVE?
LET'S SEE, THERE'S
PHIL'S CHEESESTEAK,
THE PHILBURGER, CHILI
PHILI, PHIL IN A BASKET...
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
THE USUAL.
ME, TOO. SAME HERE.
ALL RIGHT, GIVE US TWO
PHILBURGERS, ONE WITH NO CHEESE,
TWO CHILI PHILIS, TWO
STRAWBERRY SHAKES,
A COKE, AND AN ORDER OF FRIES.
WANNA GIVE THAT BACK TO ME?
[GARBLED RESPONSE
ON LOUDSPEAKER]
NO, I SAID NO CHEESE.
OH, LOOK AT THAT.
ALL ALONE ON A SATURDAY NIGHT.
POOR WOMAN.
SHE'S PROBABLY CAME
HERE TO GET AWAY
FROM THE LONELINESS
OF HER LITTLE APARTMENT.
THAT'S MRS. GARRETT.
WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE?
MAYBE SHE COULDN'T GET A DATE,
SO SHE DECIDED TO POISON HERSELF.
COME ON, SHE'S INDEPENDENT.
SHE'S LIBERATED.
SHE'S JUST ENJOYING
HER OWN COMPANY.
THAT'S SO SAD.
REALLY. REALLY. REALLY.
HERE WE ARE, OUT ON THE TOWN,
AND POOR MRS. GARRETT
IS LEFT ALL ALONE.
WELL, SHOULDN'T WE
SAY SOMETHING TO HER?
LIKE WHAT?
"HEY, MRS. GARRETT, SEE
YOU'RE HARD UP FOR A DATE."
LET'S AT LEAST LET
HER KEEP HER DIGNITY.
WHAT DIGNITY?
THE WOMAN'S EATING
FISH ON A STICK.
HI, GIRLS!
HI. HI. HI. HI.
HEY, WELL, FANCY
MEETING YOU HERE.
YEAH, WELL... NONE OF
US COULD GET DATES,
SO WE DECIDED TO GO OUT
AND POOL OUR LONELINESS.
OH, WELL, I'M
HAVING A GREAT TIME.
SAW A MOVIE, WHEN
OUT FOR A DRIVE.
THAT'S TERRIFIC, MRS. GARRETT.
THINGS LIKE THAT ARE MUCH BETTER
WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO
SHARE THEM WITH SOMEONE.
WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M
HERE WITH A DATE.
YOU ARE?
OH, HO, HOW NICE!
SHE HAS AN INVISIBLE DATE.
MAYBE HE'S JUST VERY SHORT.
HIS NAME IS DIRK. HE OWNS A GYM.
YOU CAN IMAGINE THE REST.
SHE'S IMAGINING ALL OF THIS.
OH, GIRLS, I'D LIKE
YOU TO MEET DIRK.
DIRK, THIS IS BLAIR, JO,
NATALIE, AND TOOTIE.
PROBABLY A GROUP ILLUSION.
WHERE'S OUR FOOD?
[BEEP BEEP]
HOW CONVENIENT.
IN MOST RESTAURANTS,
ONE CAN'T JUST HONK
IF THEY WANT THE MAITRE D'.
OH, NO! GET DOWN, IT'S THEM!
THE MOONERS? WHERE? WHERE?
KATHY McKEGNY, RIGHT BESIDE US.
WOULD YOU GET
DOWN? OR SHE'LL SEE US.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
IF SHE SHE'S ME, IT'LL
BE ALL OVER CAMPUS
THAT I WAS OUT CRUISING.
OH, GOSH, OH, GOLLY!
DOES THAT MEAN BIFF
WON'T ASK YOU TO THE HOP?
THANK YOU.
BLAIR, WOULD YOU
MIND PASSING THE FOOD?
THIS ISN'T MINE.
OH, I CAN'T EAT LIKE THIS.
I HAVE PHIL'S FAMOUS SAUCE
RUNNING DOWN MY SLEEVE.
JUST DON'T GET IT ON THE SEATS.
THIS IS IT!
THIS IS IT! QUIET, EVERYBODY!
WOULD YOU SIT DOWN?
ANSWER THIS ONE, AND YOU'RE
ON YOUR WAY TO ABBA HEAVEN!
WHAT GROUP RECORDED
THE HIT ALBUMS
ENGLISH ROSE, MYSTERY TO ME,
AND HEROES ARE HARD TO FIND?
I'M TAKING THE FOURTH CALLER.
FLEETWOOD MAC!
LET ME OUT OF HERE!
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANY PLACE.
OPEN UP THIS DOOR, BLAIR!
KATHY!
HI, THERE!
LOVE YOUR CARDIGAN.
NICE TO SEE YOU.
SO NICE.
SO VERY NICE.
I'M GOING TO DIE.
I THINK I'M STUCK.
CAN WE JUST GO HOME?
ALL RIGHT, PAY UP.
NATALIE, YOURS WAS 3.75.
YOURS IS FOUR AND A QUARTER.
I'M LIGHT 75 CENTS.
WELL, I ONLY HAVE ENOUGH
FOR MINE. ASK BLAIR.
WHAT'S THAT?
DINERS CLUB.
BLAIR, THIS IS A DIVE.
DIVES DON'T TAKE DINERS CLUB.
WELL, THAT'S ALL I HAVE.
NATALIE, CHECK TOOTIE'S PURSE.
I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU.
SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT... THANK GOD.
DIMES.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
WE'LL JUST EXPLAIN TO PHIL
THAT WE CAN'T PAY, THAT'S ALL.
COLLEGE GIRLS DRIVING
AROUND IN A CADILLAC
CAN'T SCRAPE TOGETHER 9.75?
PHIL WILL UNDERSTAND.
YOU SEE THAT PERSON OVER THERE
WITH THE BICEPS,
TATTOO, AND MUSTACHE?
THAT'S MRS. PHIL.
WELL, THEN WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
HERE COMES OUR WAITRESS!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, AS SOON
AS TOOTIE GETS BACK, WE'LL BOLT.
WE CAN'T DO THAT.
LOOK, WE'LL PAY TOMORROW.
WHERE IS TOOTIE?
WE CAN'T DO THIS.
WE'LL COME BACK FIRST THING
TOMORROW BEFORE IT OPENS.
HERE'S TOOTIE.
YOU WANNA MESS WITH PHIL?
TOOTIE... COME ALONG NOW.
TOOTIE, GET YOUR BUNS IN HERE!
WOULD YOU BELIEVE
I WAS THE FIFTH... AH!
I DON'T SEE ANY COPS.
THEY'RE PROBABLY TOO BUSY
SETTING UP THE ROADBLOCK.
WHY CAN'T WE JUST GO HOME?
WE BETTER JUST LAY LOW FOR A LITTLE
WHILE, JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE.
LAY LOW? OH, MY GOD.
WHAT IF THEY GOT
OUR LICENSE NUMBER?
WHAT IF, RIGHT NOW,
THEY'RE CALLING MY FATHER?
BLAIR? WHAT?
YOU HAVE A FRENCH
FRY IN YOUR HAIR.
LOOK, WILL YOU JUST RELAX?
WE'LL GO BACK AND PAY THEM
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
ASSUMING, OF COURSE,
WE CAN MAKE BAIL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
OH, THE STATION IS
CLOSED FOR THE NIGHT.
WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST WAIT HERE.
TALK ABOUT LUCK!
THERE'S A PHONE
BOOTH RIGHT HERE!
WHY ISN'T THE RADIO ON?
WHAT IS IT WITH THIS CONTEST?
IT'S NOT THE CONTEST.
IT'S THE INSTANT FAME.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO HEAR MY
NAME ANNOUNCED ON THE RADIO.
FOR ONE MOMENT,
EVERYONE WILL KNOW WHO I AM.
YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT.
THAT'S SO SHALLOW,
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
♪ YOU'VE LOST THAT
LOVING FEELING ♪
♪ OH, THAT LOVING FEELING ♪
♪ YOU'VE LOST THAT
LOVING FEELING ♪
♪ NOW, IT'S GONE, GONE, GONE ♪
♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪
♪ BOM BOM, BOM BOM,
BOM BOM, BOM BOM ♪
♪ BABY, BABY ♪
♪ I GET DOWN ON
MY KNEES FOR YOU ♪
♪ BOM BOM, BOM BOM,
BOM BOM, BOM BOM ♪
♪ IF YOU WOULD ONLY LOVE ME ♪
♪ LIKE YOU USED TO DO, YEAH ♪
♪ BOM BOM, BOM BOM,
BOM BOM, BOM BOM ♪
♪ WE HAD A LOVE ♪
♪ A LOVE ♪
♪ A LOVE YOU DON'T
FIND EVERY DAY ♪
♪ BOM BOM, BOM BOM,
BOM BOM, BOM BOM ♪
♪ SO DON'T ♪
♪ DON'T ♪
♪ DON'T ♪
♪ DON'T LET IT SLIP AWAY ♪
♪ BOM BOM, BOM BOM,
BOM BOM, BOM BOM ♪
♪ BABY ♪
♪ BABY ♪
♪ BABY ♪
♪ I'M BEGGIN' YOU, PLEASE ♪
♪ PLEASE ♪
♪ PLEASE ♪
♪ PLEASE ♪
♪ I NEED YOUR LOVE ♪
♪ I NEED YOUR LOVE ♪
♪ I NEED YOUR LOVE ♪
♪ SO BRING IT ON BACK ♪
♪ SO BRING IT ON BACK ♪
♪ BRING IT ON BACK ♪
♪ BRING IT ON BACK ♪
YES!
♪ BRING BACK THAT
LOVING FEELING ♪
♪ WHOA, THAT LOVING FEELING ♪
♪ BRING BACK THAT
LOVING FEELING ♪
♪ 'CAUSE IT'S GONE, GONE, GONE ♪
♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪
♪ BOM BOM, BOM BOM,
BOM BOM, BOM BOM ♪
♪ BRING BACK THAT
LOVING FEELING ♪♪
I LOVE THE CLASSICS.
OKAY, I'M GONNA GIVE
AWAY THE LAST TWO TICKETS.
WHAT FAMOUS ROCK 'N' ROLLER
PLAYED THE PINBALL
WIZARD IN THE MOVIE TOMMY?
I'M TAKING THE 10th CALLER!
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU DON'T?
I SHOULD KNOW
THIS... TOMMY, TOMMY.
NATALIE, YOU GOTTA HELP ME.
COME ON, TOOTIE, WHAT
DO I KNOW, ELTON JOHN?
YOU'RE RIGHT! I AM?
TOOTIE... OW, OW!
MY NECK! MY NECK!
I'VE GOT WHIPLASH!
SHE GAVE ME WHIPLASH.
I'LL BE WEARING A BRACE,
AND I HAVE PARTIES COMING UP.
UH-OH... I FEEL IT THROBBING.
I KNEW IT.
JO, FEEL MY NECK.
I DON'T WANT TO.
WHY ARE WE JUST SITTING HERE?
THE FUZZ, THE FUZZ!
WE HAVE TO LAY LOW TILL
THE HEAT'S UP, RIGHT, JO?
RIGHT, SCARFACE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
I COULDN'T GET THROUGH.
BUSY?
HOW ABOUT SOME CHARADES?
I'D RATHER BE
CAUGHT BY THE POLICE.
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
YOU DID IT.
YOU KILLED MY DADDY'S BATTERY.
WELL, IT WASN'T MY IDEA
TO LEAVE THE RADIO ON.
WHAT HAPPENED TO "THIS
BABY HAS COMPUTER GIZMOS
THAT GIVE 52 MILLION KICKOFFS?"
WELL, I WAS WRONG, IT'S
ACTUALLY A PIECE OF...
IS THERE A PROBLEM HERE?
YEAH, WE'RE STUCK IN
THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE,
NO FOOD, NO WATER,
AND THE TEMPERATURE'S DROPPING.
AT LEAST WE HAVE EACH OTHER.
I DON'T FIND THAT A
COMFORT, NATALIE.
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO CALL
THE AUTO CLUB, THAT'S ALL.
TRY NOT TO TIE IT UP.
OKAY, THEN WE'LL JUST WALK
TO THE NEAREST PHONE BOOTH.
THAT'D BE PHIL'S.
NOW, THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING IS NOT TO PANIC.
WE'LL JUST WAIT HERE.
SOMEBODY'S BOUND TO COME ALONG.
SURE, SOMEBODY WILL COME ALONG.
BUT WHO?
WHAT IF IT'S A PERVERT, OR A
MUGGER, OR A CARLOAD OF MURDERERS?
WE'RE GONNA DIE OUT HERE!
WE'RE GONNA BE KILLED AND
BURIED IN A COUPE DE VILLE!
I'M SURE EVERYTHING
WILL BE JUST FINE.
JO, DON'T YOU HAVE TO BE
IN PARK TO START THE CAR?
OOPS.
[ENGINE STARTS]
WHAT TIME IS IT, ANYWAY?
MIDNIGHT.
I WOULD'VE CALMED DOWN
ON MY OWN, YOU KNOW.
LOOK, I KNOW I GAVE YOU GUYS
A HARD TIME ABOUT
DOING THIS TONIGHT...
NO. NO. NO.
NO, I DID.
WELL, I HATE TO ADMIT IT,
BUT I WAS KINDA HOPING I
MIGHT MEET SOMEBODY SPECIAL.
YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "YEAH"?
WELL, THE LAST
TIME I WENT CRUISING,
IT WAS IN THE BRONX,
AND THERE WAS THIS
GUY... A GUY? WHAT GUY?
WELL, I NEVER GOT HIS NAME,
BUT HE DROVE A TRANS AM.
WE CIRCLED EACH
OTHER FOR THREE HOURS.
HE'D SMILE. I'D SMILE.
THEN, I GOT BEHIND A
WINNEBAGO, AND I LOST HIM.
OH, JO, THAT'S SO BITTERSWEET.
YEAH, I GUESS I THOUGHT
THERE MIGHT BE SOMEBODY
OUT THERE LIKE HIM.
MAYBE THERE WAS.
MAYBE.
WELL, WE TRIED.
I'M JUST GLAD IT'S OVER.
ALL I WANT TO DO IS GO HOME.
YOU WANT TO GO ONE MORE LAP?
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
GIVE ME SOME TUNEAGE.
GET YOUR HANDS AWAY, I'LL DO IT.
KENNY HALL WILL BE FILLING IN
FOR THE WILD MAN TOMORROW NIGHT
'CAUSE I SAVED ONE OF THOSE
ABBA TICKETS FOR MYSELF.
BUT FOR ALL OF YOU WHO
ARE NOT GONNA BE THERE,
HERE'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA MISS.
THANKS A LOT.
AND I'D LIKE TO
MAKE A DEDICATION
TO ONE VERY PERSISTENT
CALLER, TOOTIE RAMSEY.
IF YOU'RE OUT THERE,
THIS ONE'S FOR YOU.
AHH!
♪ YOU CAN DANCE ♪
♪ YOU CAN JAM ♪
♪ HAVING THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE ♪
♪ OOH, SEE THAT GIRL... ♪♪
♪ YOU'LL AVOID A LOT OF DAMAGE ♪
♪ AND ENJOY THE
FUN OF MANAGING ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THEY SHED A LOT OF LIGHT ♪
♪ IF YOU HEAR THEM
FROM YOUR BROTHER ♪
♪ BETTER CLEAR 'EM
WITH YOUR MOTHER ♪
♪ BETTER GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ CALL HER LATE AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE FUTURE IN
THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ♪
♪ ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET
YOU THROUGH IS UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ YOU THINK YOU'D
RATHER DO WITHOUT ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT
THROUGH WITHOUT THE TRUTH ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ LEARNING THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN',
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY,
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
OKAY, SO WHEN WE DO
"SUGAR PIE HONEY BUNCH,"
I WANT YOU TO DO
THE "LOVE YOU"...
OH, WAIT, BLAIR,
WHY DON'T YOU DO IT?
I DON'T WANT TO
DO THE "LOVE YOU"...
OH, THEN YOU DO THE "LOVE YOU."
ONE, TWO, THREE...
♪ SUGAR PIE, HONEY BUNCH ♪
♪ YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU ♪
♪ LOVE YOU ♪
♪ I CAN'T HELP MYSELF ♪
♪ I LOVE YOU AND NOBODY ELSE ♪
YOU'RE SO JUVENILE.
WE SHOULD JUST TURN
AROUND AND GO HOME.
BLAIR, WHEN I WAS
12, I PROMISED MYSELF
THAT ONCE BEFORE I
DIED, I WOULD GO CRUISING.
TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT! YOU
CAN'T MESS WITH DESTINY.
BUT WHO CRUISES IN PEEKSKILL?
PARK AVENUE, I CAN UNDERSTAND.
THE CHAMPS-ELYSEES,
I CAN UNDERSTAND.
BUT... THERE'S CORN
GROWING OUT THERE.
IT GETS BETTER ONCE
YOU GET INTO TOWN.
WELL, WHAT IF SOMEBODY
RECOGNIZES ME?
I WOULD JUST ROLL UP AND DIE.
DO YOU MIND?
BLAIR, THERE'S GONNA
BE LOTS OF PEOPLE.
WE'RE JUST GONNA
BE FOUR GIRLS DRIVING
UP AND DOWN THE MAIN STREET.
WHO'S GONNA NOTICE?
COLLEGE GUYS, IF
THERE'S A GOD IN HEAVEN.
BLAIR!
JUST KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD.
DADDY WAS NICE
ENOUGH TO LEND ME THIS
WHILE MY PORSCHE IS IN THE SHOP.
I DON'T WANNA
GIVE IT BACK TO HIM
WITH A COW ON THE FENDER.
DON'T WORRY, I NEVER HIT
ANYTHING I DON'T WANNA HIT.
WHY CAN'T WE JUST GO TO A MOVIE?
THIS WHOLE THING IS POINTLESS.
ACTUALLY, IT'S A VERY
INTERESTING PHENOMENON, BLAIR.
SEE, EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT,
THOUSANDS OF YOUNG PEOPLE
DRIVE SLOWLY PAST EACH OTHER.
IT'S THE AMERICAN EQUIVALENT
OF A PRIMITIVE MATING RITUAL.
NOW, YOU'RE TALKING MY LANGUAGE.
BLAIR, I NEED THE MIRROR.
I AM THE DRIVER.
I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR
PEOPLE'S LIVES HERE.
WE EACH HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES.
MINE IS TO ALWAYS LOOK MY BEST.
(TIRES SCREECH)
THERE WAS A
SQUIRREL ON THE ROAD.
VERY CONVENIENT,
WOULDN'T YOU SAY?
YEAH, BLAIR, WE PLANNED IT
THAT WAY, ME AND THE SQUIRREL.
IT TOOK WEEKS TO
FIGURE OUT THE TIMING.
BLAIR, GIVE ME SOME TUNEAGE.
JUST SIT DOWN,
TOOTIE, I'LL GET IT.
FIND ME SOMETHING GOOD.
AND I SAY TO YOU, YEA,
THOUGH YOU BE POOR,
THOUGH YOU BE
DOWNTRODDEN, THOUGH YOU BE...
A SEVERE SOYBEAN BUD DISEASE,
CHARACTERIZED BY THE WITHERING
AND DEATH OF THE PLANT...
I'M REALLY GETTING
IN A PARTY MOOD.
OH WILLIAMS AT THE BIG 57,
ROCKING YOU INTO SATURDAY NIGHT!
ALL RIGHT! HEY,
CRANK IT UP, PLAYER!
♪ HOT STUFF, BABY,
THIS EVENING ♪
♪ I NEED SOME HOT
STUFF, BABY, TONIGHT ♪
♪ I WANT SOME... ♪♪
THIS IS GREAT, I LOVE THIS!
THIS IS JUST SO... GREAT.
WHERE ARE ALL THE MEN?
PERHAPS THERE'S A
TRACTOR PULL TONIGHT.
IT'S STILL EARLY.
CRUISING DOESN'T START
SERIOUSLY FOR A WHILE.
HOW LONG IS A WHILE?
I DON'T KNOW, I JUST
LOOK EXPERIENCED.
LET'S FACE IT, WE DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT CRUISING.
IT'S PART OF THE
SEAMIER SIDE OF LIFE.
ONLY HICKS AND
STREET PEOPLE DO IT.
JO?
YOU GIRLS ARE ON YOUR OWN.
I'M JUST HERE TO DRIVE.
BUT YOU MUST'VE DONE IT BEFORE.
WE WANNA KNOW EVERYTHING...
START WITH THE GUYS.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, THE
WAY WE DID IT IN THE BRONX
WAS YOU DRIVE UP
AND DOWN THE STREET
AT EXACTLY 15 MILES AN HOUR.
YOU GO TOO FAST, YOU
CAN'T SEE THE GUYS.
TOO SLOW, AND THEY
STEAL YOUR TIRES.
HUNK AT 2:00! WHERE? WHERE?
NO, TOOTIE, THIS IS MY WINDOW.
OH, HE'S GONE.
I LOVE YOUR CAR, BLAIR.
IT'S LIKE SITTING IN A
SUBMARINE BACK HERE.
ALL ANYONE CAN SEE
IS THE TOPS OF MY EARS.
FORTUNATELY, THEY ARE DARLING.
WELL, LET ME GIVE
YOU A LITTLE ADVICE.
THE BEST WAY TO ATTRACT A MAN
IS TO APPEAR TOTALLY
DISINTERESTED.
IT'S DIFFICULT TO PULL
OFF WITH ONE'S TONGUE
DRAGGING ALONG THE CURB.
HEY, THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!
LET ME SEE, LET ME SEE!
WOULD YOU TWO STOP GAWKING?
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE.
A ZERO.
LET ME TRY.
(WHOOPING)
HE LOOKED LIKE HE HAD
A PLEASANT PERSONALITY.
WOW, LOOK AT THAT BODY.
WHERE? WHERE?
A '56 CORVETTE RAGTOP.
JO, THAT'S A CAR.
LET'S TRY AND GET INTO
THE SPIRIT OF THE OCCASION.
OH, MY GOSH!
A CARFUL OF GIRLS!
I CAN SEE WE'RE A
LITTLE CONFUSED HERE.
IT'S KATHY McKEGNY
FROM PHI DELTA.
SHE HAS THE BIGGEST MOUTH.
SHE'LL TELL EVERYBODY
SHE SAW ME CRUISING.
SHE HAS THIS RIDICULOUS
GRUDGE AGAINST ME
SIMPLY BECAUSE I ASKED
HER FIANCÉ TO HOMECOMING.
YOU THINK SHE RECOGNIZED ME?
NO.
YOU CLEVERLY DISGUISED
YOUR FACE WITH THAT PURSE.
AH, THEY'RE TURNING OFF.
KATHY McKEGNY CRUISING.
SHE MUST REALLY BE
HARD UP FOR A DATE.
IT'S 8:45 IN PEEKSKILL,
AND ALMOST TIME
FOR WILD BOB'S ROCK
AND ROLL TRIVIA CONTEST.
A CONTEST! I LOVE CONTESTS.
EVERY HOUR TONIGHT, BOB'S
GONNA HIT YOU WITH A HARD ONE,
AND IF YOU CALL IN WITH
THE RIGHT ANSWER, YOU WIN...
READY FOR THIS?
I'M WITH YOU, BOB.
TWO TICKETS TO THE
ABBA REUNION CONCERT,
RIGHT AFTER THIS WORD
FROM ACNO, THE MEDICA...
ABBA! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!
I WANT THOSE TICKETS, NATALIE.
WHY? YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE ABBA.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'VE ALWAYS LOVED ABBA.
OH, SURE, YOU HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON
WITH FOUR BLONDE, SINGING SWEDES.
I BUY EVERY ONE
OF THEIR RECORDS.
THEY HAVEN'T MADE ONE IN
THREE YEARS, THEY BROKE UP.
WELL, THAT'S WHY I
TREASURE THEM SO.
OKAY, NAME ONE OF THEIR SONGS.
SOMETHING ABOUT "THIS GUY."
WAY TO BE, DICK CLARK.
OKAY, PEEKSKILLIANS, THIS IS IT.
THIS IS IT, TURN
IT UP, TURN IT UP.
THE STONE PONEYS PRODUCED
WHAT SUPERSTAR OF ROCK AND ROLL?
I'LL TAKE THE SEVENTH CALLER.
LINDA RONSTADT!
HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?
HEY, THERE'S A PHONE!
STOP THE CAR, STOP THE CAR!
TOOTIE, I'M DRIVING!
TOOTIE!
TOOTIE, ENOUGH OF
THE SILENT TREATMENT.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU DIDN'T
WIN THAT STUPID CONTEST.
YOU TOOK MY ONLY DIME.
I SAID I WAS SORRY!
I HAD TO ASK A BUM FOR CHANGE.
HE TOOK OFF HIS SHOE TO GET IT.
SO, YOU MADE A NEW FRIEND.
AT LEAST YOU GOT
TO TALK TO WILD BOB.
HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN SAY THAT?
YEAH, HE WAS REALLY NICE.
LIKE... LIKE HE REALLY CARED.
HE THANKED ME FOR CALLING
AND ASKED ME TO
TRY AGAIN NEXT HOUR.
A REAL HUMANITARIAN.
OH, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS,
BUT I'M HAVING
THE TIME OF MY LIFE.
TO THINK I'VE BEEN IN
PEEKSKILL ALL THESE YEARS,
AND THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I'VE DRIVEN UP AND DOWN
THE MAIN STREET 23 TIMES.
HEY, DO YOU KNOW THIS SEAT
ADJUSTS SIX DIFFERENT WAYS?
AND THEN, THERE'S THE
STIMULATING CONVERSATION.
IT'S GETTING A
LITTLE HOT IN HERE.
WHY CAN'T WE ROLL
THE WINDOWS DOWN?
IT'S AN EXTENSION
OF BODY LANGUAGE.
CLOSED WINDOWS MAKE YOU
APPEAR ALOOF AND UNATTAINABLE.
OPEN WINDOWS MEAN YOU'RE EASY.
OH. WHICH ONE ARE WE?
HOW ABOUT WE SETTLE
FOR HALFWAY DOWN...
DISCRIMINATING,
YET APPROACHABLE?
ALL RIGHT.
WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT, TOOTIE?
LOOK AT THAT.
HE'S GOT A HELMET
ON. I CAN'T SEE HIS FACE.
I'M A SUCKER FOR
A MAN IN LEATHER.
450 CCs, FUEL INJECTED,
DUAL EXHAUSTS.
I THINK WE CAN TAKE HIM.
I HOPE SO.
NATALIE, HE HAS ZIPPERS
ALL OVER HIS BODY.
HEY, HE'S LOOKING RIGHT AT US.
MAYBE HE'S LOST. MAYBE
HE NEEDS DIRECTIONS.
WHY DON'T I ASK?
HEY, HEY, HEY!
NATALIE!
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?
JO, HIT THE WINDOW LOCK.
TOOTIE, STRAP A
SEAT BELT ON HER.
"HEY, HEY, HEY"?
DO YOU HAVE A
BETTER OPENING LINE?
OH, GREAT. HE'S GONE.
FOR ALL I KNOW, THAT MIGHT'VE
BEEN MY FUTURE HUSBAND.
WE COULD BE MARRIED AND
RAISING LITTLE LEATHERETTES.
THANKS TO YOU, I'LL NEVER KNOW.
NO ONE LOOK NOW,
BUT THERE ARE SOME REALLY
CLASSY GUYS BESIDE US.
WHERE? WHERE?
I AM NEVER GOING OUT
WITH YOU TWO AGAIN.
I THINK THEY LIKE
US. THEY'RE STOPPING.
IT'S A RED LIGHT.
QUIT STARING. YOU'LL
SCARE THEM AWAY.
OH, NOT A CHANCE. WE'VE
HOOKED THEM WITH OUR ALOOFNESS.
OH, MY.
BLAIR, I REALLY THINK
YOU SHOULD SEE THIS.
YOU'RE ACTING AS IF
YOU'VE NEVER SEEN...
OH, MY GOODNESS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT,
IN THIS WEATHER?
WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON?
BLAIR'S CLASSY GUYS
ARE MOONING US.
THIS IS HIDEOUS!
OH, YOU'RE FOGGING
THE WINDOW AGAIN.
I THINK I KNOW THAT GUY.
JO, WILL YOU DRIVE, PLEASE?
JUST DRIVE, ANYWHERE,
DOWN THE STREET,
OVER A CLIFF, WHATEVER'S HANDY.
BLAIR, IT'S A RED LIGHT.
I DON'T CARE.
THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO HEAR.
[SIREN]
YOU SAID YOU
WANTED TO MEET A GUY.
TO RUN A RED LIGHT RIGHT
IN FRONT OF A POLICEMAN.
HOW COULD YOU BE SO DUMB?
ME? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAME UP
WITH THE MEDICAL
EMERGENCY STORY.
NATALIE, IN LABOR.
DID YOU NOTICE HOW I BIT
DOWN ON MY SEAT BELT?
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHY DID YOU CUT OFF THE RADIO?
I DON'T KNOW WHY, TOOTIE.
IT TURNS OFF WITH THE CAR.
CALL IT ONE OF LIFE'S
LITTLE MYSTERIES.
JO, I'M GONNA MISS THE CONTEST.
ISN'T THAT GONNA
HURT THE ENGINE?
BATTERY. BATTERY?
BLAIR, THIS BABY HAS A BATTERY
WITH COMPUTER-DESIGNED GRIDS,
SUPER-EFFICIENT SEPARATORS
THAT GIVE OUT OVER
650 COLD CRANKS.
IT WORRIES ME THAT
YOU KNOW THAT.
WELL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA HAVE?
LET'S SEE, THERE'S
PHIL'S CHEESESTEAK,
THE PHILBURGER, CHILI
PHILI, PHIL IN A BASKET...
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
THE USUAL.
ME, TOO. SAME HERE.
ALL RIGHT, GIVE US TWO
PHILBURGERS, ONE WITH NO CHEESE,
TWO CHILI PHILIS, TWO
STRAWBERRY SHAKES,
A COKE, AND AN ORDER OF FRIES.
WANNA GIVE THAT BACK TO ME?
[GARBLED RESPONSE
ON LOUDSPEAKER]
NO, I SAID NO CHEESE.
OH, LOOK AT THAT.
ALL ALONE ON A SATURDAY NIGHT.
POOR WOMAN.
SHE'S PROBABLY CAME
HERE TO GET AWAY
FROM THE LONELINESS
OF HER LITTLE APARTMENT.
THAT'S MRS. GARRETT.
WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE?
MAYBE SHE COULDN'T GET A DATE,
SO SHE DECIDED TO POISON HERSELF.
COME ON, SHE'S INDEPENDENT.
SHE'S LIBERATED.
SHE'S JUST ENJOYING
HER OWN COMPANY.
THAT'S SO SAD.
REALLY. REALLY. REALLY.
HERE WE ARE, OUT ON THE TOWN,
AND POOR MRS. GARRETT
IS LEFT ALL ALONE.
WELL, SHOULDN'T WE
SAY SOMETHING TO HER?
LIKE WHAT?
"HEY, MRS. GARRETT, SEE
YOU'RE HARD UP FOR A DATE."
LET'S AT LEAST LET
HER KEEP HER DIGNITY.
WHAT DIGNITY?
THE WOMAN'S EATING
FISH ON A STICK.
HI, GIRLS!
HI. HI. HI. HI.
HEY, WELL, FANCY
MEETING YOU HERE.
YEAH, WELL... NONE OF
US COULD GET DATES,
SO WE DECIDED TO GO OUT
AND POOL OUR LONELINESS.
OH, WELL, I'M
HAVING A GREAT TIME.
SAW A MOVIE, WHEN
OUT FOR A DRIVE.
THAT'S TERRIFIC, MRS. GARRETT.
THINGS LIKE THAT ARE MUCH BETTER
WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO
SHARE THEM WITH SOMEONE.
WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M
HERE WITH A DATE.
YOU ARE?
OH, HO, HOW NICE!
SHE HAS AN INVISIBLE DATE.
MAYBE HE'S JUST VERY SHORT.
HIS NAME IS DIRK. HE OWNS A GYM.
YOU CAN IMAGINE THE REST.
SHE'S IMAGINING ALL OF THIS.
OH, GIRLS, I'D LIKE
YOU TO MEET DIRK.
DIRK, THIS IS BLAIR, JO,
NATALIE, AND TOOTIE.
PROBABLY A GROUP ILLUSION.
WHERE'S OUR FOOD?
[BEEP BEEP]
HOW CONVENIENT.
IN MOST RESTAURANTS,
ONE CAN'T JUST HONK
IF THEY WANT THE MAITRE D'.
OH, NO! GET DOWN, IT'S THEM!
THE MOONERS? WHERE? WHERE?
KATHY McKEGNY, RIGHT BESIDE US.
WOULD YOU GET
DOWN? OR SHE'LL SEE US.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
IF SHE SHE'S ME, IT'LL
BE ALL OVER CAMPUS
THAT I WAS OUT CRUISING.
OH, GOSH, OH, GOLLY!
DOES THAT MEAN BIFF
WON'T ASK YOU TO THE HOP?
THANK YOU.
BLAIR, WOULD YOU
MIND PASSING THE FOOD?
THIS ISN'T MINE.
OH, I CAN'T EAT LIKE THIS.
I HAVE PHIL'S FAMOUS SAUCE
RUNNING DOWN MY SLEEVE.
JUST DON'T GET IT ON THE SEATS.
THIS IS IT!
THIS IS IT! QUIET, EVERYBODY!
WOULD YOU SIT DOWN?
ANSWER THIS ONE, AND YOU'RE
ON YOUR WAY TO ABBA HEAVEN!
WHAT GROUP RECORDED
THE HIT ALBUMS
ENGLISH ROSE, MYSTERY TO ME,
AND HEROES ARE HARD TO FIND?
I'M TAKING THE FOURTH CALLER.
FLEETWOOD MAC!
LET ME OUT OF HERE!
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANY PLACE.
OPEN UP THIS DOOR, BLAIR!
KATHY!
HI, THERE!
LOVE YOUR CARDIGAN.
NICE TO SEE YOU.
SO NICE.
SO VERY NICE.
I'M GOING TO DIE.
I THINK I'M STUCK.
CAN WE JUST GO HOME?
ALL RIGHT, PAY UP.
NATALIE, YOURS WAS 3.75.
YOURS IS FOUR AND A QUARTER.
I'M LIGHT 75 CENTS.
WELL, I ONLY HAVE ENOUGH
FOR MINE. ASK BLAIR.
WHAT'S THAT?
DINERS CLUB.
BLAIR, THIS IS A DIVE.
DIVES DON'T TAKE DINERS CLUB.
WELL, THAT'S ALL I HAVE.
NATALIE, CHECK TOOTIE'S PURSE.
I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU.
SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT... THANK GOD.
DIMES.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
WE'LL JUST EXPLAIN TO PHIL
THAT WE CAN'T PAY, THAT'S ALL.
COLLEGE GIRLS DRIVING
AROUND IN A CADILLAC
CAN'T SCRAPE TOGETHER 9.75?
PHIL WILL UNDERSTAND.
YOU SEE THAT PERSON OVER THERE
WITH THE BICEPS,
TATTOO, AND MUSTACHE?
THAT'S MRS. PHIL.
WELL, THEN WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
HERE COMES OUR WAITRESS!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, AS SOON
AS TOOTIE GETS BACK, WE'LL BOLT.
WE CAN'T DO THAT.
LOOK, WE'LL PAY TOMORROW.
WHERE IS TOOTIE?
WE CAN'T DO THIS.
WE'LL COME BACK FIRST THING
TOMORROW BEFORE IT OPENS.
HERE'S TOOTIE.
YOU WANNA MESS WITH PHIL?
TOOTIE... COME ALONG NOW.
TOOTIE, GET YOUR BUNS IN HERE!
WOULD YOU BELIEVE
I WAS THE FIFTH... AH!
I DON'T SEE ANY COPS.
THEY'RE PROBABLY TOO BUSY
SETTING UP THE ROADBLOCK.
WHY CAN'T WE JUST GO HOME?
WE BETTER JUST LAY LOW FOR A LITTLE
WHILE, JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE.
LAY LOW? OH, MY GOD.
WHAT IF THEY GOT
OUR LICENSE NUMBER?
WHAT IF, RIGHT NOW,
THEY'RE CALLING MY FATHER?
BLAIR? WHAT?
YOU HAVE A FRENCH
FRY IN YOUR HAIR.
LOOK, WILL YOU JUST RELAX?
WE'LL GO BACK AND PAY THEM
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
ASSUMING, OF COURSE,
WE CAN MAKE BAIL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
OH, THE STATION IS
CLOSED FOR THE NIGHT.
WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST WAIT HERE.
TALK ABOUT LUCK!
THERE'S A PHONE
BOOTH RIGHT HERE!
WHY ISN'T THE RADIO ON?
WHAT IS IT WITH THIS CONTEST?
IT'S NOT THE CONTEST.
IT'S THE INSTANT FAME.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO HEAR MY
NAME ANNOUNCED ON THE RADIO.
FOR ONE MOMENT,
EVERYONE WILL KNOW WHO I AM.
YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT.
THAT'S SO SHALLOW,
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
♪ YOU'VE LOST THAT
LOVING FEELING ♪
♪ OH, THAT LOVING FEELING ♪
♪ YOU'VE LOST THAT
LOVING FEELING ♪
♪ NOW, IT'S GONE, GONE, GONE ♪
♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪
♪ BOM BOM, BOM BOM,
BOM BOM, BOM BOM ♪
♪ BABY, BABY ♪
♪ I GET DOWN ON
MY KNEES FOR YOU ♪
♪ BOM BOM, BOM BOM,
BOM BOM, BOM BOM ♪
♪ IF YOU WOULD ONLY LOVE ME ♪
♪ LIKE YOU USED TO DO, YEAH ♪
♪ BOM BOM, BOM BOM,
BOM BOM, BOM BOM ♪
♪ WE HAD A LOVE ♪
♪ A LOVE ♪
♪ A LOVE YOU DON'T
FIND EVERY DAY ♪
♪ BOM BOM, BOM BOM,
BOM BOM, BOM BOM ♪
♪ SO DON'T ♪
♪ DON'T ♪
♪ DON'T ♪
♪ DON'T LET IT SLIP AWAY ♪
♪ BOM BOM, BOM BOM,
BOM BOM, BOM BOM ♪
♪ BABY ♪
♪ BABY ♪
♪ BABY ♪
♪ I'M BEGGIN' YOU, PLEASE ♪
♪ PLEASE ♪
♪ PLEASE ♪
♪ PLEASE ♪
♪ I NEED YOUR LOVE ♪
♪ I NEED YOUR LOVE ♪
♪ I NEED YOUR LOVE ♪
♪ SO BRING IT ON BACK ♪
♪ SO BRING IT ON BACK ♪
♪ BRING IT ON BACK ♪
♪ BRING IT ON BACK ♪
YES!
♪ BRING BACK THAT
LOVING FEELING ♪
♪ WHOA, THAT LOVING FEELING ♪
♪ BRING BACK THAT
LOVING FEELING ♪
♪ 'CAUSE IT'S GONE, GONE, GONE ♪
♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪
♪ BOM BOM, BOM BOM,
BOM BOM, BOM BOM ♪
♪ BRING BACK THAT
LOVING FEELING ♪♪
I LOVE THE CLASSICS.
OKAY, I'M GONNA GIVE
AWAY THE LAST TWO TICKETS.
WHAT FAMOUS ROCK 'N' ROLLER
PLAYED THE PINBALL
WIZARD IN THE MOVIE TOMMY?
I'M TAKING THE 10th CALLER!
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU DON'T?
I SHOULD KNOW
THIS... TOMMY, TOMMY.
NATALIE, YOU GOTTA HELP ME.
COME ON, TOOTIE, WHAT
DO I KNOW, ELTON JOHN?
YOU'RE RIGHT! I AM?
TOOTIE... OW, OW!
MY NECK! MY NECK!
I'VE GOT WHIPLASH!
SHE GAVE ME WHIPLASH.
I'LL BE WEARING A BRACE,
AND I HAVE PARTIES COMING UP.
UH-OH... I FEEL IT THROBBING.
I KNEW IT.
JO, FEEL MY NECK.
I DON'T WANT TO.
WHY ARE WE JUST SITTING HERE?
THE FUZZ, THE FUZZ!
WE HAVE TO LAY LOW TILL
THE HEAT'S UP, RIGHT, JO?
RIGHT, SCARFACE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
I COULDN'T GET THROUGH.
BUSY?
HOW ABOUT SOME CHARADES?
I'D RATHER BE
CAUGHT BY THE POLICE.
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
YOU DID IT.
YOU KILLED MY DADDY'S BATTERY.
WELL, IT WASN'T MY IDEA
TO LEAVE THE RADIO ON.
WHAT HAPPENED TO "THIS
BABY HAS COMPUTER GIZMOS
THAT GIVE 52 MILLION KICKOFFS?"
WELL, I WAS WRONG, IT'S
ACTUALLY A PIECE OF...
IS THERE A PROBLEM HERE?
YEAH, WE'RE STUCK IN
THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE,
NO FOOD, NO WATER,
AND THE TEMPERATURE'S DROPPING.
AT LEAST WE HAVE EACH OTHER.
I DON'T FIND THAT A
COMFORT, NATALIE.
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO CALL
THE AUTO CLUB, THAT'S ALL.
TRY NOT TO TIE IT UP.
OKAY, THEN WE'LL JUST WALK
TO THE NEAREST PHONE BOOTH.
THAT'D BE PHIL'S.
NOW, THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING IS NOT TO PANIC.
WE'LL JUST WAIT HERE.
SOMEBODY'S BOUND TO COME ALONG.
SURE, SOMEBODY WILL COME ALONG.
BUT WHO?
WHAT IF IT'S A PERVERT, OR A
MUGGER, OR A CARLOAD OF MURDERERS?
WE'RE GONNA DIE OUT HERE!
WE'RE GONNA BE KILLED AND
BURIED IN A COUPE DE VILLE!
I'M SURE EVERYTHING
WILL BE JUST FINE.
JO, DON'T YOU HAVE TO BE
IN PARK TO START THE CAR?
OOPS.
[ENGINE STARTS]
WHAT TIME IS IT, ANYWAY?
MIDNIGHT.
I WOULD'VE CALMED DOWN
ON MY OWN, YOU KNOW.
LOOK, I KNOW I GAVE YOU GUYS
A HARD TIME ABOUT
DOING THIS TONIGHT...
NO. NO. NO.
NO, I DID.
WELL, I HATE TO ADMIT IT,
BUT I WAS KINDA HOPING I
MIGHT MEET SOMEBODY SPECIAL.
YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "YEAH"?
WELL, THE LAST
TIME I WENT CRUISING,
IT WAS IN THE BRONX,
AND THERE WAS THIS
GUY... A GUY? WHAT GUY?
WELL, I NEVER GOT HIS NAME,
BUT HE DROVE A TRANS AM.
WE CIRCLED EACH
OTHER FOR THREE HOURS.
HE'D SMILE. I'D SMILE.
THEN, I GOT BEHIND A
WINNEBAGO, AND I LOST HIM.
OH, JO, THAT'S SO BITTERSWEET.
YEAH, I GUESS I THOUGHT
THERE MIGHT BE SOMEBODY
OUT THERE LIKE HIM.
MAYBE THERE WAS.
MAYBE.
WELL, WE TRIED.
I'M JUST GLAD IT'S OVER.
ALL I WANT TO DO IS GO HOME.
YOU WANT TO GO ONE MORE LAP?
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
GIVE ME SOME TUNEAGE.
GET YOUR HANDS AWAY, I'LL DO IT.
KENNY HALL WILL BE FILLING IN
FOR THE WILD MAN TOMORROW NIGHT
'CAUSE I SAVED ONE OF THOSE
ABBA TICKETS FOR MYSELF.
BUT FOR ALL OF YOU WHO
ARE NOT GONNA BE THERE,
HERE'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA MISS.
THANKS A LOT.
AND I'D LIKE TO
MAKE A DEDICATION
TO ONE VERY PERSISTENT
CALLER, TOOTIE RAMSEY.
IF YOU'RE OUT THERE,
THIS ONE'S FOR YOU.
AHH!
♪ YOU CAN DANCE ♪
♪ YOU CAN JAM ♪
♪ HAVING THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE ♪
♪ OOH, SEE THAT GIRL... ♪♪
♪ YOU'LL AVOID A LOT OF DAMAGE ♪
♪ AND ENJOY THE
FUN OF MANAGING ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THEY SHED A LOT OF LIGHT ♪
♪ IF YOU HEAR THEM
FROM YOUR BROTHER ♪
♪ BETTER CLEAR 'EM
WITH YOUR MOTHER ♪
♪ BETTER GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ CALL HER LATE AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE FUTURE IN
THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ♪
♪ ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET
YOU THROUGH IS UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ YOU THINK YOU'D
RATHER DO WITHOUT ♪
♪ YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT
THROUGH WITHOUT THE TRUTH ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ LEARNING THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪