The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 6, Episode 12 - The Rich Aren't Different - full transcript

♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪

♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH,
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪

♪ YOU'RE GROWIN',
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪

♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪



♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪

♪ YOU ♪

♪ YOU ♪

♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

X IS THE SQUARE ROOT OF Y.

Y EQUALS 14.

SO X IS THE SQUARE ROOT OF 14.

WELL, YES, CRAIG. YES, I SEE.



THE SQUARE ROOT OF X.

Y.

BECAUSE YOU SAID SO.

WILL YOU LOOK AT THEM?

THEY'RE SO CUTE TOGETHER.

YEAH. THE STUDY BUDDIES.

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS
BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T ASK YOU

TO BE HER TUTOR.

I AM NOT, AND WHY DIDN'T SHE?

BECAUSE CRAIG IS A
MATHEMATICAL GENIUS.

I LOVE THE WAY PEOPLE THROW
THAT WORD AROUND... GENIUS.

SO HE TOOK SOME TEST. SO
HE ANSWERED A FEW QUESTIONS.

NATALIE, CRAIG IS 13 YEARS
OLD AND WAS ACCEPTED AT M.I.T.

WHAT DID YOU DO AT 13?

I HAD ONE OF MY FAN
LETTERS PRINTED IN TIGER BEAT.

A EQUALS C?

WELL, THEN, WHAT
HAPPENED TO X AND Y?

MRS. GARRETT, WHY ARE
YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?

YOU'RE AN ADULT. YOU
DON'T HAVE TO TAKE ALGEBRA.

YES, I DO. IT'S THE ONE COURSE

I COULDN'T PASS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

IT DEFEATED ME.

BUT THIS TIME,
WITH CRAIG'S HELP,

I'M GONNA GO THE DISTANCE.

NOW, LOOK. IT'S VERY
SIMPLE. I'LL DRAW IT FOR YOU,

AND WHEN YOU SEE IT,
YOU'LL KICK YOURSELF.

SEE WHAT I MEAN?

OH, LOOKS JUST LIKE
ANIMAL TRACKS IN THE SNOW.

YOU KNOW, HOW A QUAIL WALKS.

BACK IN WISCONSIN IN THE...

HAVE I MISSED THE POINT?

WHO'S GOT A WATCH?
I NEED A WATCH.

I GOT A TEST. 150
QUESTIONS IN 60 MINUTES.

UH, 24 SECONDS A QUESTION.

RIGHT, CRAIG? EAT
YOUR HEART OUT.

I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING
IN THIS HOUSE.

YOU PUT SOMETHING DOWN, SOMEBODY
MOVES IT AND DOESN'T TELL YOU.

NOW I'M UP AGAINST
IT. WHO IS THAT?

LET'S TAKE A BREAK.

YOU'RE NOT TIRED.

I'M CONFUSED,

AND WHEN I GET
CONFUSED, I GET HUNGRY.

A EQUALS B EQUALS LUNCH.

OK.

WE'LL START FRESH AFTER.

DO YOU LIKE CHEESEBURGERS?

CHEESEBURGERS. INTERESTING.

OH, AND I'LL GRILL SOME ONIONS.

GREAT. OK.

HOW DOES HE RATE GRILLED ONIONS?

HAND ME THAT TRAY, WILL YOU?

I'M TELLING YOU, THAT
KID'S UP TO SOMETHING.

HE'S TRYING TO
RUN THE HOUSEHOLD.

IT STARTS WITH GRILLED ONIONS.

THEN SHE'S DOING HIS LAUNDRY.

NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
I'M OUT ON THE STREET,

AND HE'S SLEEPING IN MY BED.

NATALIE, WHAT IS WITH YOU?

CRAIG IS JUST A KID
HELPING MRS. GARRETT.

A KID? TOOTIE, A KID?

REAL KIDS ARE NOT MATH GENIUSES.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
HIM WITH A BASEBALL MITT

OR HIS BEST FRIEND SKEETER?

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

AND DO YOU NOTICE HE
DOESN'T HAVE FRECKLES?

THERE IS A FRECKLE
FACTOR TO CONSIDER HERE.

I'M SURE THIS HAD
A STOPWATCH ON IT.

HOW DO YOU WORK THIS?

OH. YOU PULL THIS BUTTON OUT

AND PUSH THIS ONE IN, SEE?

IT'S GOT AN ALARM,
AND IT PLAYS DISCO HITS,

AND WHAT ARE YOU
DOING WITH BLAIR'S WATCH?

I'M BORROWING IT
FOR A COUPLE HOURS.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR WATCH?

NO, I CAN'T FIND IT. IS
THIS THE STOPWATCH?

NO, NOT THAT BUTTON.
THAT'S THE DISCO HITS.

[WATCH PLAYING]

A FEW MARBLES, SOME SILLY PUTTY,

AND A PETE ROSE BASEBALL CARD.

SEE, MY PLAN IS TO LEAVE
THESE THINGS LYING AROUND.

IF THE KID PICKS
'EM UP, HE'S OK.

IF NOT, I'M CALLING
THE GOVERNMENT.

I SHOULD NEVER
GO SHOPPING ALONE.

I LOSE ALL CONTROL.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO CALL US.

AND WE TALK YOU DOWN.

I TRIED.

I WENT TO FIND A
PHONE... I BOUGHT IT.

HI, GUYS.

HEY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

ON THE WAY HOME FROM SCHOOL,

I GOT PULLED INTO A
PICKUP GAME OF BASKETBALL.

NO OFFENSE, BUT COULD YOU
SHOWER FOR ABOUT A WEEK?

SORRY.

HOW DID YOUR TEST GO?

OH, ALL RIGHT, I GUESS.

AT LEAST I FINISHED ON TIME.

YOU WERE RIGHT, NATALIE.

24 SECONDS A QUESTION.

I NEVER NOTICED WE
HAD THE SAME WATCH...

THOUGH MINE CAME WITH A CRYSTAL.

I FORGOT. THIS IS YOUR WATCH.

WHAT HAPPENED TO IT?

LET'S JUST SAY I
GOT THE REBOUND.

IT'S NOT WORKING.

YOU BROKE IT.

OH, YEAH, SORRY.

DIDN'T DO WONDERS
FOR MY ARM, EITHER,

BUT I CAN PLAY WITH PAIN.

OH, HOLD IT.

YOU RUINED MY WATCH.

NO I DIDN'T.

IT'S A STOPWATCH.

IT STOPPED.

I'M SORRY.

I'LL GET YOU A NEW ONE.

NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

AT LEAST IT'S NO GREAT LOSS.

I MEAN, HOW MANY WATCHES
DO YOU HAVE... 20, 30?

I ONLY HAVE 12.

NOW 11.

SO YOU'RE NOT GONNA MISS IT.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

MAYBE THIS WATCH HAS
SPECIAL VALUE FOR ME.

MAYBE IT'S BEEN IN OUR FAMILY

FOR OVER A HUNDRED YEARS.

A WATCH THAT
PLAYS STAYIN' ALIVE?

IT'S NOT THE POINT.

OH, COME ON. YOU'RE
KIDDING ABOUT THIS,

AREN'T YOU, BLAIR?

I AM VERY SERIOUS.

WELL, IT'S NOTHING
TO ARGUE ABOUT.

OH, NO, TOOTIE. SHE'S
DOWN TO ONLY 11 WATCHES.

WHAT IS SHE GONNA
DO IN AN EMERGENCY?

YOU AREN'T EVEN SORRY, ARE YOU?

YES, I'M SORRY.

WHAT, DO YOU WANT IT IN WRITING?

THAT MIGHT BE NICE.

I'M GONNA GO SHOWER.

JUST A SECOND.

PLEASE LET HER SHOWER.

YOU WOULDN'T BE THIS CASUAL

IF IT WERE TOOTIE
OR NATALIE'S WATCH.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT,

BECAUSE THEY ONLY
HAVE ONE WATCH.

OH, IS IT MY FAULT I HAVE MONEY?

NO, IT'S YOUR FATHER'S FAULT.

WHY AM I DEFENDING MYSELF?

YOU BROKE MY WATCH,
AND I'M BEING ATTACKED.

I KNOW WHAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY.

I BROKE SOMETHING OF YOURS.

YOU GO AND BREAK
SOMETHING OF MINE.

MY, HOW WE'VE MATURED.

THAT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA,

IF YOU HAD ANYTHING
WORTH BREAKING.

WELL, THAT SETTLES
IT THEN, DOESN'T IT?

IT'S A SHAME IT'S BROKEN.

A LITTLE MUSIC COULD
REALLY LIGHTEN THINGS UP.

WELL, MAYBE IT CAN BE FIXED.

IT'S NOT THE WATCH.

I THOUGHT SHE KNEW ME.

I THOUGHT I KNEW HER.

WHERE IS CRAIG? HE WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE BY 4:00.

IT'S ONLY 2 MINUTES AFTER.

DON'T GIVE THE WOMAN
FALSE HOPE, TOOTIE.

HE'S OBVIOUSLY LET HER DOWN.

NOW, COME ON, MRS. GARRETT.

I'LL HELP YOU.

THE TEST IS IN 2 DAYS,

AND MR. SHAUGHNESSY'S

GONNA HAVE HIS LAST LAUGH.

WHO'S MR. SHAUGHNESSY?

MY HIGH-SCHOOL MATH TEACHER.

"EDNA," HE SAID, "GET
OUT OF ALGEBRA."

THEN HE TRANSFERRED ME TO SHOP.

I MADE A WONDERFUL BENCH.

I FINISHED THE ACCOUNTS, MRS. G.

WANT TO TAKE A LOOK?

IT HAS NUMBERS IN IT.

HOW CAN SHE SHOW ME NUMBERS

AT A TIME LIKE THIS?

I'LL GET BACK TO YOU.

DON'T WORRY, MRS. GARRETT.

WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.

NATALIE'S HERE.

HI, MRS. GARRETT.

CRAIG, YOU'RE HERE!

THIS TIME, I'M NOT
TAKING HER BACK.

MRS. GARRETT,
I'M SORRY I'M LATE,

BUT I FIGURED OUT A WAY
TO HELP YOU BEAT THIS THING.

WELL, THIS SHOULD BE GOOD.

WE ASK NATALIE TO HELP US.

DO YOU BELIEVE THIS
GUY... WE ASK NATALIE?

I UNDERSTAND MATH. YOU
UNDERSTAND MRS. GARRETT.

I THINK IF WE PUT
OUR HEADS TOGETHER,

WE COULD HELP HER.

NO KIDDING.

WELL, GOSH, NATALIE,
IT STANDS TO REASON.

I'VE SEEN THE WAY
YOU COMMUNICATE,

THE WAY YOU RELATE TO HER.

HE SAID, "GOSH."

MRS. GARRETT'S
JUST A LITTLE TENSE.

AHEM.

YOU GET HER TO RELAX,

THEN I FEED HER THE EQUATIONS.

WE'LL GET RESULTS. TRUST ME.

TRUST HIM.

I DON'T KNOW.

HE SAID, "GOSH."

YOU'RE RIGHT. HOW BAD CAN HE BE?

LET'S GET STARTED.

OK, LET'S GO.

HI, BLAIR.

I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU, JO.

I'M HERE.

WE'VE BOTH HAD SEVERAL DAYS
TO THINK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

YEAH.

I'VE DONE SOME SOUL-SEARCHING.

I'M SURE YOU HAVE, TOO.

YEAH.

BY NOW, YOU'VE
PROBABLY REALIZED... YEAH.

THAT YOU WERE WRONG.

BLAIR, I BROKE YOUR WATCH.

THANK YOU.

BUT I'M NOT WRONG.

OH?

IT'S OK TO GO AROUND

BREAKING OTHER PEOPLE'S THINGS?

I NEVER SAID THAT.

IT'S JUST OK TO GO AROUND
BREAKING MY THINGS.

RIGHT, BLAIR. THAT'S
EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING.

GIRLS, GIRLS. KEEP A LID ON IT.

CRAIG AND I DO NOT WANT
MRS. GARRETT TO BE DISTURBED.

IF SHE KNOWS YOU
GUYS ARE FIGHTING,

SHE'LL WANT TO GET INVOLVED,

AND SHE'LL LOSE
VALUABLE STUDY TIME.

NATALIE, SHE'S TALKING
WISCONSIN AGAIN.

WHAT DO WE DO?

HE NEEDS ME.

WE'LL GIVE HER SOME MACAROONS.

THAT ALWAYS SETTLES
HER RIGHT DOWN.

NOW, GUYS, REMEMBER, QUIET, SHH.

NO PROBLEM. I HAVE
NOTHING MORE TO SAY TO HER.

WELL, THAT MAKES 2 OF US.

WELL, HELLO THERE.

UH, WHAT CAN I GET YOU?

UH, JO POLNIACZEK.

OH, THAT'S ME.

THEN HERE.

WHAT'S THIS?

A SUBPOENA. YOU HAVE A DATE

TO APPEAR IN SMALL-CLAIMS COURT.

[LAUGHING]

IT'S FROM BLAIR.

[ALL LAUGHING]

WHAT A GREAT KIDDER.

HERE, LET ME SEE IT.

PROPERTY DAMAGE.

THIS LOOKS REAL TO ME.

OH, IT LOOKS REAL TO YOU?

WELL, THAT'S ALL
THE PROOF I NEED.

HERE, JO. IT LOOKS
REAL TO TOOTIE.

[LAUGHING]

DO YOU BELIEVE HER?

LOOK HOW IT'S GOT THE DATE
AND TIME I SHOULD APPEAR.

AND ALL THOSE SIGNATURES.

AND THE SEAL OF THE
STATE OF NEW YORK.

SEE YOU IN COURT.

AND SO YOU SAY IT'S
COMMON PRACTICE

FOR YOU TO BORROW
ITEMS FROM THE PLAINTIFF?

WELL, SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW...

RIGHT HERE. STRAIGHT ON.
EYE CONTACT IS EVERYTHING.

GO ON.

WE ALL LIVE TOGETHER IN THE
SAME ROOM, SO NATURALLY...

DON'T CROSS YOUR ARMS LIKE THAT.

WHY?

BODY LANGUAGE, IT
TELLS ME YOU'RE CLOSED,

YOU'RE COVERING
UP. I DON'T LIKE YOU.

20 YEARS.

TOOTIE, THIS IS DUMB.

LOOK, YOU WANTED ME TO
HANDLE YOUR CASE, DIDN'T YOU?

NO. ALL RIGHT, THEN.

SO, MISS POLNIACZEK,

LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS BLAIR.

SHE'S THE MOST SELF-CENTERED,
ANNOYING, EGOTISTICAL...

NO, NOT TO ME. TO THEM.

THE JURY.

SHE'S THE MOST
SELF-CENTERED, ANNOY...

I CAN'T DO THIS.

JO, THIS IS IMPORTANT.

NOW, FACE THE JURY. COME
ON. LET THEM SEE REMORSE.

BUT I DON'T FEEL REMORSE.

LET THEM SEE IT ANYWAY.

THIS IS SCARY.

JO, THEY'RE STUFFED ANIMALS.

NO, THIS WHOLE COURT THING IS.

WHERE I COME FROM, YOU
GO TO COURT, YOU GO TO JAIL.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO JAIL.

I KNOW THAT.

ARE THERE GONNA BE
PEOPLE THERE IN UNIFORM?

JO, JUST TELL BLAIR
THAT YOU'RE SORRY,

YOU'LL REPLACE THE WATCH,
AND SHE'LL DROP THE SUIT.

NO. I CAN'T BACK DOWN
JUST BECAUSE I'M SCARED.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
SHE WANTS ME TO DO.

WELL, THEN, YOU
HAVE TO BE PREPARED.

OH, GREAT. HERE'S NATALIE.

NO. NATALIE'S NOT HERE.
SHE'S ON HER WAY OUT.

COME ON. SIT DOWN FOR A MINUTE.

THE JURY NEEDS A FOREMAN.

TOOTIE, I TOLD YOU
I'M NOT TAKING SIDES.

BUT THIS IS A JURY.

YOU CAN BE COMPLETELY IMPARTIAL.

PLEASE!

IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY?

LOOK, BLAIR'S PROBABLY
GOING TO FLY IN

A PACK OF HER FATHER'S
HEAVYWEIGHT LAWYERS.

DO YOU WANT TO FACE
THOSE SHARKS UNPREPARED?

HA! HEY!

JUST A LAWYER'S TRICK.

NOW, DID YOU INTEND
TO BREAK THE WATCH?

NO.

NOT TO ME, TO THEM!

THIS IS TOO STUPID.

ANSWER THE QUESTION.

GUILTY! AND I THINK I CAN
SPEAK FOR THE WHOLE JURY.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I
HAVE A PRETTY FULL CASELOAD.

WELL, REMEMBER, I NEED YOU
TOMORROW. YOU'RE MY STAR WITNESS.

NOT A CHANCE!

BUT YOU'RE A
CORNERSTONE IN MY DEFENSE.

TOOTIE, GO BACK TO THE QUARRY.

IF YOU ASK ME, THIS WHOLE THING

SHOULD BE SETTLED OUT OF COURT.

BLAIR! WE WERE
JUST DISCUSSING YOU.

I WAS JUST EXTOLLING
YOUR CAPACITY FOR FAIRNESS

AND YOUR SENSE OF COMPASSION.

I'M NOT DROPPING MY CASE.

I TRIED. BYE, YOU ANIMALS. HA!

REMEMBER, I NEED YOU TOMORROW.

FINE. I WON'T BE THERE.

IT'LL ALL BE OVER TOMORROW.

SO WHO'S MY COMPETITION? SOME
BARRACUDA FROM THE LEGAL POOL?

ACTUALLY, I'M
REPRESENTING MYSELF.

IT'S SUCH A SIMPLE CASE.

SIMPLE, HUH?

OPEN AND SHUT.

YOU'RE FORGETTING
JUST ONE THING, BLAIR.

FAIRNESS STILL HAS SOME
PLACE IN OUR LEGAL SYSTEM.

WHEN THE JUDGE HEARS
YOUR SO-CALLED CASE,

HE GONNA TOSS IT
OUT OF COURT SO FAST...

REALLY?

I SURE HOPE THE ARTIST
RENDERING CATCHES MY GOOD SIDE.

DON'T WORRY. I'LL
TAKE CARE OF HER.

LOOK, TOOTIE, I KNOW I'VE
BEEN A LITTLE ROUGH ON YOU,

BUT I WANT YOU TO
KNOW I APPRECIATE

EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE.

FEELS GOOD KNOWING
THAT YOU'RE IN MY CORNER,

THAT YOU CARE ABOUT JUSTICE.

THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

YOU SELL IT JUST LIKE
THAT IN COURT TOMORROW,

AND WE'LL SNOW THOSE SUCKERS.

EASY! KEEP IT CASUAL.
UNFOLD THOSE ARMS.

AND YOUR BLAZER IS
PERFECT. TWEED SAYS TRUST.

[GAVEL BANGING]

NOW, AHEM, MR. AND MRS.
DAVIES, PLEASE BEAR WITH ME,

I'M A BIT CONFUSED.
YOU'RE DIVORCED?

TWICE!

NOTHING WAS LOVELIER
THE SECOND TIME AROUND.

THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN SMALL-CLAIMS COURT?

OH, THE SETTLEMENT
HAS BEEN AGREED UPON,

WITH THE EXCEPTION
OF OUR PARAKEET.

THAT'S RIGHT. AND IN THE
CASE OF O'BRIEN VS. O'BRIEN...

HOLD IT! I AM NOT
FAMILIAR WITH THE O'BRIENS.

I'M JUST THE TRAFFIC
COURT JUDGE.

TRAFFIC COURT JUDGE?

OUR REGULAR JUDGE HAS THE FLU.

THIS GUY'S JUST FILLING IN.

OH, THANKS.

NO PROBLEM. EVERYTHING'S
UNDER CONTROL.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY
PARKING TICKETS, DO YOU?

I LOVE THAT PARAKEET!

SO DO I!

OH, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!

PLEASE! PLEASE! NOW THIS
IS WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO,

VISITATION RIGHTS.

MONDAY THROUGH
FRIDAY, YOU GET THE BIRD,

AND YOU GET HIM ON WEEKENDS.

CASE DISMISSED. [BANGS GAVEL]

AND REMEMBER!
BUCKLE UP FOR SAFETY.

BAILIFF, NEXT CASE.

BLAIR WARNER VS. JO
POLNIACZEK THAT'S US!

OH, I'M SORRY.
I'M COOL. I'M COOL.

IT'S HER FIRST BIG CASE.

YOU CAN MOVE TO THE FRONT OF
THE COURTROOM NOW, COUNSELOR.

WHERE'S THE JURY?

THERE'S NO JURY IN
SMALL-CLAIMS COURT.

NOW, WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?

WOULDN'T IT BE NICE
IF IT WERE SPEEDING?

IT'S PROPERTY
DAMAGE, YOUR HONOR.

SHE... BROKE MY WATCH.

WAS IT TOTALED?

YES.

I SEE.

NO, YOU DON'T, BUT YOU WILL.

AND WHO ARE YOU?

I'M HER LAWYER, SORT OF.

LAWYERS ARE NOT ALLOWED
IN SMALL-CLAIMS COURT.

I'M HER FRIEND.

SORT OF.

ALL RIGHT, NOW LET'S SEE. THE
DEFENDANT IS JO POLNIACZEK?

JUDGE, I'M SORRY! I
JUST HAVE TO LAUGH

EVERY TIME I THINK
OF JO AS A DEFENDANT.

I MEAN, IF YOU KNEW
THIS SWEET KID...

WHY DON'T WE START WITH
THE PLAINTIFF? MS. WARNER.

THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.

ON THE AFTERNOON OF NOVEMBER 17,

MS. POLNIACZEK BORROWED...

THERE YOU ARE!
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

AND WHY WASN'T I
TOLD ABOUT THIS?

I JUST HEARD ABOUT IT MYSELF.

WE DIDN'T WANT TO
BOTHER YOU, MRS. GARRETT.

YOU HAD YOUR OWN
PROBLEMS TO SOLVE.

IF CRAIG HADN'T TOLD
ME ABOUT THE SUBPOENA...

WHO'S CRAIG?

HE'S MY STUDY
PARTNER. HE'S A GENIUS.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

SHE BROKE HER WATCH.

WHO?

JO POLNIACZEK, THE DEFENDANT.

OH, JUDGE!

SORRY.

IT WAS A PRECISION TIMEPIECE.

IT PLAYED THE BEE GEES.

LOOK, NO MATTER
WHAT THE PROBLEM IS,

CAN'T YOU JUST TALK IT OUT?

NO WAY! ABSOLUTELY NOT.

SOMETIMES IT WORKS, BUT
THEY'RE GETTING OLDER.

THEY HAVE MINDS
OF THEIR OWN. I...

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SEAT?

WELL, AHEM, IF YOU NEED ME, I...

WHY DON'T I TAKE A SEAT?

ALL RIGHT, NOW LET'S TAKE
IT FROM THE TOP. MS. WARNER.

AS I WAS SAYING, MS. POLNIACZEK
WILLFULLY TOOK MY WATCH

WITHOUT MY PERMISSION
AND DESTROYED IT.

I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE
PEOPLE'S EXHIBIT "A."

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO PUT IT

IN A PLASTIC BAG OR SOMETHING?

I WOULD, BUT WE'RE OUT OF
THOSE LITTLE TWISTY THINGS.

AT THIS TIME, I
WOULD LIKE TO CALL

MY FIRST WITNESS TO THE STAND...

NATALIE GREEN.

NATALIE!

HI, MRS. GARRETT.

SHE'S MY WITNESS!

I CALLED HER FIRST.
SHE'S MY WITNESS.

I'M NOBODY'S WITNESS!

LET THE RECORD
SHOW THAT MS. GREEN

IS A HOSTILE WITNESS.

WAIT! I'M A LITTLE
PEEVED, MAYBE...

SWEAR HER IN.

WHAT?!

THAT'S OK. I'LL GO PEACEFULLY.

YOU SWEAR TO TELL THE
TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH,

AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH?

WHAT IS THE TRUTH? ONE
MAN'S TRUTH IS ANOTHER MAN'S...

I SWEAR. I SWEAR.

WERE YOU OR WERE YOU NOT PRESENT

WHEN THIS WATCH WAS
TAKEN TO A BASKETBALL GAME

BY THE DEFENDANT, JO POLNIACZEK?

HA HA HA! THE DEFENDANT!

WILL YOU STOP IT?

I WAS THERE, BUT...

LOOK, YOUR HONOR.
THEY'RE BOTH MY FRIENDS.

I CAN'T TAKE SIDES.
I'D FEEL LIKE A TRAITOR.

DID SHE HAVE THE WATCH?

ABSOLUTELY!

AND SHE TOOK IT WITHOUT REGARD

FOR HOW I MIGHT HAVE FELT?

OBJECTION! SUSTAINED!

NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.

I HAVE A QUESTION.

LAST SATURDAY, WHEN YOU SAID

YOU WERE AT THE LIBRARY
ALL DAY, WERE YOU?

YOU'RE UNDER OATH.

NO, WE DROVE UP TO
VASSAR TO MEET GUYS.

I KNEW IT.

HOW LONG DOES THIS OATH LAST?

I'M VISITING MY
GRANDMOTHER NEXT WEEK.

OK, MS. POLNIACZEK...
LET'S HEAR YOUR SIDE.

I BORROWED HER WATCH,
IT GOT BROKEN BY ACCIDENT,

I SAID I WAS SORRY,
AND NOW SHE'S SUING ME.

YOU ADMIT THAT YOU
DAMAGED HER PROPERTY?

YEAH, BUT IT WASN'T MY FAULT.

YOU SEE, I WAS GOING
IN FOR A JUMP SHOT.

IT WAS A TALL GUARD...

BUT YOU DID BORROW THE WATCH?

YEAH, BUT SHE'S BLOWN THIS
WHOLE THING OUT OF PROPORTION.

SHE'S JUST DOING
THIS OUT OF SPITE.

I AM NOT!

DO YOU HONESTLY
THINK I'M THAT PETTY?

WELL, WE'RE HERE, AREN'T WE?

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WELL, EXCUSE ME,
BUT I DON'T, EITHER.

WELL, IF YOU'D JUST LET
ME CLARIFY THIS THEN...

ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOU, AND
I'LL SEND YOU TO TRAFFIC SCHOOL.

[POUNDS GAVEL]

PROCEED.

EVER SINCE THIS
WHOLE THING STARTED,

SHE'S TREATED ME LIKE A NAME
FROM THE SOCIAL REGISTER.

SOME RICH STEREOTYPE.

WELL... OK, I'M RICH.

OK, MY NAME IS IN THE REGISTER.

BUT MY THINGS STILL
DESERVE RESPECT.

OH, I SEE.

WE'RE HERE IN A COURTROOM
WASTING EVERYBODY'S TIME

BECAUSE I DIDN'T SHOW PROPER
RESPECT FOR YOUR WATCH?

NO!

WE'RE HERE BECAUSE YOU
DIDN'T SHOW RESPECT FOR ME.

WHAT?!

LADIES, IT APPEARS THAT WE HAVE
A LOT MORE GROUND TO COVER.

IT'S AFTER 12:00.

I SUGGEST WE RECESS FOR LUNCH.

TOOTIE, YOU'RE DOING
A WONDERFUL JOB.

DO YOU KNOW, I THINK
THAT JUDGE HAS IT IN FOR ME.

I BETTER WARN JO.

WHY DON'T WE WAIT
TILL AFTER LUNCH?

OKAY.

YOU WANT TO HEAR MY SUMMATION?

MM-HMM. NO.

BLAIR... WHAT DID
YOU MEAN JUST NOW?

NO, I'D REALLY LIKE TO KNOW.

WHEN YOU BROKE MY WATCH

AND DIDN'T GIVE A THOUGHT
TO HOW I MIGHT FEEL,

YOU WERE SAYING
SOMETHING ABOUT ME.

BECAUSE I'M RICH,
I DON'T DESERVE

THE SAME CONSIDERATION
AS EVERYBODY ELSE.

LOOK...

I'M USED TO BEING
TREATED DIFFERENTLY

BECAUSE I HAVE MONEY.

I'M USED TO PEOPLE NOT TAKING
ME SERIOUSLY, AND I DON'T CARE.

BUT I DO CARE WHEN IT'S YOU.

YOU'RE MY FRIEND...
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW

THERE'S MORE TO ME THAN THAT.

I DO.

BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES,
YOU DON'T MAKE THAT SO EASY.

YOU HAVE GOT SO MANY THINGS,

AND YOU THROW
THEM AROUND SO MUCH,

THAT, SOMETIMES,
THAT'S ALL I CAN SEE.

I KNOW, I CAN BE A
BIT... FLAMBOYANT.

NO, YOU CAN BE A PAIN.

SOMETIMES.

LOOK, BLAIR, I REALLY AM SORRY.

YEAH, ME, TOO.

DO YOU BELIEVE WE'RE HERE?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
SUBPOENAED ME.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT
THE GUY WHO SERVED IT?

NOT BAD.

I HAD TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, LOOK,

WITH THE NEW WATCH, DO YOU
WANT IT TO PLAY STAYIN' ALIVE,

OR WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE CURRENT?

YOU KNOW I'M NOT GONNA
MAKE YOU PAY FOR THE WATCH.

WHAT'D IT COST, 20 BUCKS?

300.

THAT HUNK OF PLASTIC COST $300?

WOULD YOU SETTLE
FOR A CUP OF COFFEE?

♪ YOU'LL AVOID A LOT OF DAMAGE ♪

♪ AND ENJOY THE
FUN OF MANAGIN' ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THEY SHED A LOT OF LIGHT ♪

♪ IF YOU'RE HEARING
FROM YOUR BROTHER ♪

♪ BETTER CLEAR 'EM
WITH YOUR MOTHER ♪

♪ BETTER GET 'EM RIGHT ♪

♪ CALL HER LATE AT NIGHT ♪

♪ YOU GOT THE FUTURE IN
THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ♪

♪ ALL YOU GOTTA DO
TO GET YOU THROUGH ♪

♪ IS UNDERSTAND ♪

♪ YOU THINK YOU'D
RATHER DO WITHOUT ♪

♪ YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT
THROUGH WITHOUT THE TRUTH ♪