The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 4, Episode 14 - Under Pressure - full transcript
When Mrs. Garrett learns she has high blood pressure, the girls try to protect her from stress.
♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
HI, GIRLS. HEY, MRS. GARRETT.
HOW DID YOUR PHYSICAL GO?
THE DOCTOR SAYS
I CAN RENEW MY SUBSCRIPTIONS
FOR ANOTHER YEAR.
IT MUST FEEL GOOD TO
KNOW YOU'RE HEALTHY.
I HAVE TO WATCH
MY BLOOD PRESSURE.
IT'S A LITTLE ELEVATED.
OH, REALLY?
BUT YOU WATCH WHAT
YOU EAT AND EXERCISE.
IT'S A FAMILY INHERITANCE,
LIKE THE SILVER TEA SET.
WELL, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
THE DOCTOR
PRESCRIBED MEDICATION.
IF I AVOID EXCESSIVE
AGGRAVATION, I'LL LIVE...
UNLESS A TRUCK HITS ME.
CAN WE DO ANYTHING?
DON'T TAKE UP TRUCK DRIVING.
HAS MR. PARKER
BEEN LOOKING FOR ME?
I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM.
HE'S DOING IT AGAIN...
WAITING TILL THE LAST MINUTE.
FOR WHAT?
HIS WIFE'S BIRTHDAY.
EVERY YEAR, I PLAN THE PARTY
ON A FEW DAYS' NOTICE.
IT DRIVES ME CRAZY.
THAT'S NOT YOUR JOB.
SINCE WHEN DOES THAT MATTER?
WHAT A SHAME.
MR. PARKER SHOULDN'T
IMPOSE ON HER.
NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT MRS.
GARRETT'S BLOOD PRESSURE.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
SHE LOOKS FINE.
SURE. BUT THAT CAN
BE VERY DECEPTIVE.
MANY OF MY DAD'S PATIENTS
HAVE HYPERTENSION.
THE WORST PART IS
THERE ARE NO SYMPTOMS.
THAT'S WHY THEY CALL
IT "THE SILENT KILLER."
YOU'RE REALLY A
BARREL OF LAUGHS, NAT.
I'M JUST TELLING IT LIKE IT IS.
IT'S NOT THE HIGH
BLOOD PRESSURE,
IT'S WHAT IT CAN CAUSE...
STROKE, HEART
DISEASE, KIDNEY FAILURE.
I ALWAYS THINK OF
MRS. GARRETT AS A ROCK,
WHEN SHE'S REALLY
JUST A PILE OF SAND
THAT CAN BE BLOWN AWAY.
YOU'RE EVEN MORE
DEPRESSING THAN SHE IS.
MRS. G TAKES GOOD
CARE OF HERSELF.
SHE EVEN EATS ALFALFA SPROUTS.
TRUE.
A DOCTOR CAN'T CONTROL
A PERSON'S STRESS.
LIKE THIS THING WITH MR. PARKER,
IT BUGS HER.
IF IT'S STRESS, WE CAN HELP OUT.
HOW?
DON'T DO ANYTHING TO UPSET HER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WE'RE A JOY TO BE WITH.
COME ON, BLAIR.
WE'RE NOT EXACTLY ANGELS.
RIGHT.
WE MUST DO EVERYTHING
TO MAKE HER LIFE
FREE FROM STRESS.
YEAH.
BEFORE SHE'S JUST
ANOTHER STATISTIC.
YEAH.
YES?
WHAT'S ALL THIS?
ROOM SERVICE.
COMPLIMENTS OF
THE EASTLAND HILTON.
IT'S OUR WAY OF SAYING THANKS.
FOR WHAT?
FOR BEING YOU.
OK.
WHAT GIVES?
IT'S JUST ANOTHER
PRECIOUS DAY IN YOUR LIFE.
WE WANT YOU TO
ENJOY IT STRESS-FREE.
OH, I GET IT.
JUST BECAUSE MY BLOOD
PRESSURE IS ELEVATED,
DON'T CODDLE ME. I'M FINE.
WE WANT TO KEEP YOU THAT WAY.
SO WE'RE BRINGING YOU
A TOUCH OF PARADISE...
AND A LITTLE RELAXING
HAWAIIAN MUSIC.
GIRLS, THIS IS ALL VERY NICE,
BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY TIME.
YOU DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR DON HO'S GREATEST HITS?
AS INCREDIBLE AS IT SOUNDS,
I HAVE IMPORTANT
THINGS TO DO... MY BILLS.
COME ON. TAKE A BREAK.
ENJOY THE VIEW.
AND THE TEA.
AND THE MUSIC.
OK. I GUESS A TEA
BREAK IS A GOOD IDEA!
THANKS, GANG!
SHHH!
THAT OUGHT TO RELAX HER.
WE ARE SUCH WONDERFUL
AND CARING KIDS.
OH, SHOOT!
SHOOT!
DID TINY BUBBLES RUB
YOU THE WRONG WAY?
IT'S THE DARN BANK!
I SENT MY LAST CAR PAYMENT,
EXPECTING MY
OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE.
INSTEAD, I'M DELINQUENT.
MY PAYMENT WASN'T
CREDITED TO MY ACCOUNT!
THAT IS SO TYPICAL.
COMPUTERS CAN
SEND YOU UP THE WALL.
DON'T LET THIS UPSET YOU.
I'LL GIVE THEM A
PIECE OF MY MIND.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
LET ME DO IT.
WHAT?
LET ME HANDLE THIS
UNPLEASANT BANK BUSINESS.
WARNERS HAVE A WORLD
OF EXPERIENCE WITH BANKING.
MONEY IS OUR NAME.
AND GREED IS YOUR GAME.
THANKS FOR OFFERING,
BUT I'LL TAKE CARE
OF THIS MYSELF.
PLEASE, I INSIST.
LEND ME YOUR CAR.
I'LL STRAIGHTEN
THOSE PEOPLE OUT.
THANKS, BLAIR,
BUT I... LET ME DO IT.
OH, WELL... ALL RIGHT.
IT WOULD BE ONE LESS
THING TO WORRY ABOUT.
GOOD. CONSIDER
THE PROBLEM SOLVED.
I HOPE SO.
THANKS, BLAIR.
NOW, IF I COULD JUST SOLVE
THE MR. PARKER PROBLEM.
IT'S REALLY PUSHY
OF HIM ASKING ME
TO DREAM UP A BIRTHDAY
THEME EVERY YEAR.
JUST FORGET ALL THAT.
GO FOR A WALK.
TAKE TIME OUT TO
SMELL THE FLOWERS.
I SMELLED THE FLOWERS YESTERDAY.
I DON'T WANT TO OVERDO IT.
THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
AND REMEMBER,
TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY
OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
WHEN DID YOU ALL
BECOME BUMPER STICKERS?
OH, HI, GIRLS.
IS MRS. GARRETT AROUND?
SHE'S IN HER ROOM.
OH, THANK YOU.
MR. PARKER, I HOPE I'M
NOT BEING PRESUMPTUOUS,
BUT ARE YOU SEEING MRS. GARRETT
ABOUT YOUR WIFE'S
BIRTHDAY PARTY?
WELL, YES. HOW DID YOU KNOW?
SHE MENTIONED IT.
DO YOU THINK IT'S FAIR
HAVING MRS. GARRETT
ARRANGE THESE PARTIES?
DON'T YOU FEEL LEFT OUT...
LIKE YOU HAD NO PART OF IT?
I ALWAYS TAKE
FULL CREDIT FOR IT.
YOUR WIFE DOESN'T KNOW
MRS. GARRETT PLANS
EVERYTHING FOR YOU?
THESE INNOCENT LIES
HOLD A MARRIAGE TOGETHER.
IT WOULD BE SO MUCH
MORE MEANINGFUL TO YOU
AND TO YOUR WIFE
IF YOU PLANNED THIS YEAR'S
PARTY ALL BY YOURSELF.
YEAH.
DOESN'T IT MEAN MORE
WHEN A MAN GIVES
HIS WIFE FLOWERS
INSTEAD OF HIS
SECRETARY SEND THEM?
MY WIFE DOESN'T CARE
HOW SHE GETS FLOWERS,
AS LONG AS SHE GETS THEM.
OH, TELL THE TRUTH, MR. PARKER.
WOULDN'T YOU FEEL BETTER
KNOWING YOU ARRANGED
YOUR WIFE'S PARTY?
WELL...
THINK OF THESE YEARS
YOU'VE LIVED WITH DECEIT.
NATALIE, LET'S
NOT CALL IT DECEIT.
LET'S JUST CALL IT...
CALL IT WHAT, MR. PARKER?
WHAT SHALL WE CALL IT?
WELL, JUST CALL IT...
YOU TWO WILL MAKE PERFECT WIVES.
SO YOU'LL PLAN THE
PARTY BY YOURSELF?
ALL RIGHT. I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.
I HOPE I DON'T MESS IT UP.
MRS. GARRETT THINKS
OF GOOD THEMES.
HOW ABOUT A SPACE FANTASY?
HAVE EVERYBODY COME
AS EXTRATERRESTRIALS.
HEY, I KNOW A PLACE
THAT SELLS WEBBED FEET.
HI, MR. PARKER.
EDNA.
I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU.
I KNOW.
IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN.
I KNOW.
ANOTHER YEAR,
ANOTHER CELEBRATION.
I KNOW.
THIS YEAR, I'M DOING IT MYSELF.
I KNOW.
WHAT?
IT'S TIME I TOOK RESPONSIBILITY.
WEREN'T YOU HAPPY WITH
LAST YEAR'S LUAU THEME?
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
THE LITTLE TIKI TORCHES
ON THE BIRTHDAY CAKE
WAS A STROKE OF CREATIVE GENIUS.
DON'T FORGET THAT GAG DESSERT...
POI A LA MODE.
THAT WAS COMEDY AT ITS BEST.
I'VE GOT GREAT
IDEAS FOR THIS YEAR.
I'M SURE YOU DO,
BUT IT IS MY WIFE'S BIRTHDAY,
SO IT'S MY JOB.
I APPRECIATE ALL YOUR PAST HELP.
I REALLY DO.
HE ROPED YOU INTO IT AGAIN?
NO.
HE TURNED ME DOWN.
HE'S DOING IT HIMSELF.
GREAT! YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK!
HE WON'T DO IT HIMSELF.
THERE'S SOMEBODY ELSE!
I KNOW IT.
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT.
JO, HE DROPPED ME
LIKE A HOT POTATO.
SOMETHING'S WRONG,
AND I'M GOING TO
FIND OUT THE TRUTH!
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
YOU DON'T LOOK TOO GOOD.
I DON'T FEEL TOO GOOD.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
I HAVE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS.
CAN I TELL THE GOOD NEWS FIRST?
THE BAD NEWS IS SO BAD.
SURE.
THE GOOD NEWS IS
I TOOK CARE OF MRS.
GARRETT'S BANKING PROBLEM.
SHE'S GETTING HER CAR'S
OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE.
WELL, THAT'S GREAT.
WHAT'S THE BAD NEWS?
RIGHT NOW, THE CERTIFICATE
IS THE ONLY THING SHE OWNS.
WHEN I LEFT THE BANK,
THE CAR WAS GONE!
SOMEBODY STOLE IT!
YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
YOU'RE NOT KIDDING.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
THIS IS DOING TO ME.
HER CAR WAS RIPPED OFF.
WHO CARES WHAT
IT'S DOING TO YOU?
WHAT'S IT GOING TO
DO TO MRS. GARRETT?
ARE YOU SURE THE CAR WAS STOLEN?
MAYBE IT WAS TOWED AWAY.
IT WAS IN A LEGAL PARKING SPACE.
BLAIR, YOU DIDN'T
DO ANYTHING STUPID
LIKE FORGET TO LOCK IT UP?
OF COURSE I LOCKED IT UP.
IT COULD'VE BEEN
FROM THE OTHER THING.
WHAT OTHER THING?
LEAVING THE KEYS IN THE DOOR.
I HATE TO THINK ABOUT MRS.
GARRETT'S BLOOD PRESSURE.
SHE WILL EXPLODE!
YEAH. ALL OVER YOU.
OH, BLAIR. GOOD, YOU'RE BACK.
HOW WAS EVERYTHING?
REALLY TERRIFIC!
I TOOK CARE OF EVERYTHING.
YOUR CERTIFICATE OF
OWNERSHIP IS IN THE MAIL.
OH, WHAT A RELIEF.
THANK YOU, BLAIR.
YOU'RE A DOLL.
DID YOU TALK TO MR. PARKER?
NO.
HE'S WITH A MAN
WHO LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE THAT
CATERER FROM POUGHKEEPSIE.
BUT I'M NOT HURT.
IT'S OK WITH ME.
I DON'T CARE.
NO, NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
BLAIR, DEAR.
PUT MY CAR KEYS IN MY ROOM.
I'M GOING TO TOWN LATER.
WHY?
MY ELECTRIC TYPEWRITER
STOPPED WORKING.
I HAVE TO TAKE IT IN.
UH... LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT IT.
MAYBE I CAN FIX IT.
DID YOU EVER FIX ONE BEFORE?
IF IT'S A MACHINE, I
CAN SPOT THE TROUBLE.
OH, JO, IF YOU THINK
YOU REALLY COULD,
THAT WOULD BE A BIG HELP.
SURE.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOU GIRLS ARE TERRIFIC.
THANKS FOR THE REPRIEVE.
HOW DO YOU FIX AN
ELECTRIC TYPEWRITER?
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
WE CAN'T KEEP HER
FROM USING HER CAR.
WERE THE POLICE NOTIFIED?
YES.
PLEASE HELP THEM
FIND IT REAL FAST.
THEY'LL FIND IT...
THE TRANSMISSION IN MIAMI,
THE WHEELS IN JERSEY CITY.
HI! YOU'LL BE PROUD OF US.
WE GOT MRS. GARRETT OFF
THE HOOK WITH MR. PARKER.
WE GOT HIM TO HANDLE
HIS WIFE'S BIRTHDAY PARTY
ALL BY HIMSELF.
YOU CAN STOP
CONGRATULATING YOURSELVES.
SHE'S UPSET 'CAUSE
HE'S NOT USING HER.
SHE THINKS HE HIRED
ANOTHER CATERER.
OH, NO.
KEEPING MRS. GARRETT'S
STRESS FACTOR DOWN
IS KEEPING MINE UP.
YOU HAVEN'T HEARD EVERYTHING.
TELL WHAT YOU DID TO
HELP MRS. GARRETT'S STRESS.
DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE BLAIR IS?
UH, NO.
SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE
THE CAR KEYS IN MY ROOM.
I CAN'T FIND THEM.
WHY DO YOU NEED YOUR KEYS?
THEY COME IN HANDY FOR
STARTING YOUR MOTOR.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT
YOUR TYPEWRITER.
I SPOTTED THE TROUBLE.
GOOD, GOOD.
I STILL HAVE TO GO TO TOWN.
I NEED THOSE KEYS!
UH... THERE'S SOMETHING
WE'VE GOT TO TELL YOU.
WHAT?
YOUR KEYS AREN'T IN YOUR ROOM.
I KNOW.
THAT IS WHY I AM
LOOKING FOR THEM.
NO, NO. I MEAN, UH...
THEY'RE NOT HERE...
BECAUSE THE CAR'S NOT HERE.
NOT HERE? WHERE IS IT?
BLAIR'S, UH... BLAIR'S
HAVING IT PAINTED.
PAINTED?
YEAH.
SHE DECIDED THE CAR
LOOKED A LITTLE FADED,
SO SHE'S GOING TO SURPRISE YOU
WITH A PAINT JOB. RIGHT?
THAT IS THE CRAZIEST
THING I EVER HEARD.
WHY WOULD SHE EVER
DO A THING LIKE THAT?
WELL, YOU KNOW BLAIR.
SHE'S VERY IMPULSIVE
AND VERY RICH.
ISN'T SHE A KICK?
WACKY BLAIR.
DON'T LET ON YOU KNOW.
IT WOULD BREAK HER HEART
IF WE RUINED THE SURPRISE.
OH, REALLY?
OH.
OK, I'LL GO ALONG WITH IT.
DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW
WHAT COLOR SHE'S
HAVING IT PAINTED?
SHE MENTIONED FUCHSIA. SORRY.
I HOPE SHE REMEMBERS...
I JUST LOVE BLUE.
WE'LL TELL HER THAT.
HI, BLAIR.
MRS. GARRETT... I CAN'T
STAND IT ANYMORE.
CAN'T STAND WHAT?
YOUR CAR KEYS...
I DON'T HAVE THEM.
I ALSO DON'T HAVE YOUR CAR.
OH?
I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO TELL YOU THIS.
YOUR CAR WAS STOLEN.
REALLY?
WHEN I LEFT THE
BANK, IT WAS GONE...
JUST LIKE THAT.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
NO SWEAT.
NO SWEAT?
NO.
THESE THINGS HAPPEN.
YOU'RE NOT UPSET?
HEY...
THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT
THINGS THAN A USED VOLKSWAGEN.
AS LONG AS YOU HAVE YOUR HEALTH,
THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS.
♪ BLUE SKIES ♪
♪ SMILING AT ME ♪
♪ NOTHING BUT BLUE,
BLUE, BLUE SKIES DO I SEE ♪
BLUE.
♪ AM I BLUE? ♪
♪ AM I BLUE? ♪
♪ MMM HMM MMM MMM... ♪
UH... EXCUSE ME.
HELLO. I'M OFFICER FRANKLIN.
CAN I HELP YOU?
WAS YOUR CAR STOLEN?
NO.
WHERE CAN I FIND EDNA GARRETT?
MY CAR WASN'T STOLEN.
DO YOU OWN A '75 VOLKSWAGEN
CONVERTIBLE? YELLOW?
POSSIBLY BLUE.
LICENSE NUMBER 845 DUD?
YES!
YOUR CAR WAS STOLEN.
FROM THE PAINT SHOP.
WHAT PAINT SHOP?
WHERE IT WAS FOR
THE BIG SURPRISE.
WHAT BIG SURPRISE?
FROM MY GIRLS!
WHAT GIRLS?
IS THIS VEIN THROBBING?
LET ME BACK IT UP A BIT.
YOUR CAR WAS
STOLEN THIS AFTERNOON
IN DOWNTOWN PEEKSGILL.
BLAIR WARNER WAS
DRIVING IT AT THE TIME.
BLAIR TOLD ME. I
DIDN'T BELIEVE HER.
FORTUNATELY, WE DID.
IT WAS ABANDONED A
COUPLE OF BLOCKS AWAY.
WHAT COLOR WAS IT?
STILL YELLOW.
AND THE RADIO IS MISSING.
I FELL FOR THE PAINT STORY.
HERE ARE YOUR KEYS.
THANKS.
SIGN HERE, MRS. GARRETT.
YES. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
HI, GIRLS.
NOT SO FAST!
I'D LIKE A FEW WORDS WITH YOU.
WELL... I GUESS I
BETTER BE GOING, OK?
IF YOU WANT MY OPINION,
THE CAR LOOKED CUTE IN YELLOW.
GOOD-BYE, GIRLS.
BEFORE WE UNNECESSARILY MAKE
TOTAL FOOLS OUT OF OURSELVES,
IS IT SAFE TO ASSUME
THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW
THE CAR ISN'T BEING PAINTED?
GOOD ASSUMPTION.
WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME THE TRUTH?
I DID. YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME.
HOW COULD I? I BELIEVED THEM.
THEY WERE LYING.
HOW COULD I KNOW?
I'LL BUY YOU A NEW CAR.
I DON'T WANT A NEW CAR.
I WANT HONESTY AND MATURITY!
BE SMART. TAKE THE CAR.
I DON'T HAVE TO.
THEY FOUND MINE.
MINUS THE RADIO.
GIRLS, WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME THE TRUTH?
WE HAD OUR REASONS.
THERE'S NO REASON FOR LYING!
DON'T YELL.
DON'T TELL ME TO DON'T YELL!
BUT YOUR HIGH
BLOOD PRESSURE... OH.
SO THAT'S IT.
YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY
I EVER TOLD YOU.
WE WERE TRYING TO
KEEP YOU FROM WORRYING.
THAT'S WHY WE TALKED MR. PARKER
INTO HANDLING HIS WIFE'S PARTY.
YOU DID WHAT?
I'VE BEEN GOING CRAZY.
I THOUGHT I HAD DONE
SOMETHING WRONG.
WE OVERDID THE
HELPING-HAND ROUTINE.
I'LL ADMIT THAT UNLOADING
SOME OF MY PROBLEMS
DID SEEM LIKE A
REALLY GOOD IDEA, BUT...
YOU HAD A LOT OF STRESS!
NATALIE, I'M BEGINNING TO SEE
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO,
YOU CANNOT ELIMINATE STRESS.
THE BEST YOU CAN DO
IS LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH IT.
YEAH!
YEAH. YEAH.
I FIXED YOUR
ELECTRIC TYPEWRITER.
OH, GREAT, JO.
WHAT WAS THE PROBLEM?
OH, IT WAS JUST AN
ELECTRICAL THING.
LET ME PLUG IT IN.
YOU SEE, GIRLS?
SOMETIMES THINGS
DO WORK OUT JUST FINE.
OK, TRY IT.
YEA... YEA... OHHH!
UH-OH.
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
HI, GIRLS. HEY, MRS. GARRETT.
HOW DID YOUR PHYSICAL GO?
THE DOCTOR SAYS
I CAN RENEW MY SUBSCRIPTIONS
FOR ANOTHER YEAR.
IT MUST FEEL GOOD TO
KNOW YOU'RE HEALTHY.
I HAVE TO WATCH
MY BLOOD PRESSURE.
IT'S A LITTLE ELEVATED.
OH, REALLY?
BUT YOU WATCH WHAT
YOU EAT AND EXERCISE.
IT'S A FAMILY INHERITANCE,
LIKE THE SILVER TEA SET.
WELL, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
THE DOCTOR
PRESCRIBED MEDICATION.
IF I AVOID EXCESSIVE
AGGRAVATION, I'LL LIVE...
UNLESS A TRUCK HITS ME.
CAN WE DO ANYTHING?
DON'T TAKE UP TRUCK DRIVING.
HAS MR. PARKER
BEEN LOOKING FOR ME?
I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM.
HE'S DOING IT AGAIN...
WAITING TILL THE LAST MINUTE.
FOR WHAT?
HIS WIFE'S BIRTHDAY.
EVERY YEAR, I PLAN THE PARTY
ON A FEW DAYS' NOTICE.
IT DRIVES ME CRAZY.
THAT'S NOT YOUR JOB.
SINCE WHEN DOES THAT MATTER?
WHAT A SHAME.
MR. PARKER SHOULDN'T
IMPOSE ON HER.
NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT MRS.
GARRETT'S BLOOD PRESSURE.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
SHE LOOKS FINE.
SURE. BUT THAT CAN
BE VERY DECEPTIVE.
MANY OF MY DAD'S PATIENTS
HAVE HYPERTENSION.
THE WORST PART IS
THERE ARE NO SYMPTOMS.
THAT'S WHY THEY CALL
IT "THE SILENT KILLER."
YOU'RE REALLY A
BARREL OF LAUGHS, NAT.
I'M JUST TELLING IT LIKE IT IS.
IT'S NOT THE HIGH
BLOOD PRESSURE,
IT'S WHAT IT CAN CAUSE...
STROKE, HEART
DISEASE, KIDNEY FAILURE.
I ALWAYS THINK OF
MRS. GARRETT AS A ROCK,
WHEN SHE'S REALLY
JUST A PILE OF SAND
THAT CAN BE BLOWN AWAY.
YOU'RE EVEN MORE
DEPRESSING THAN SHE IS.
MRS. G TAKES GOOD
CARE OF HERSELF.
SHE EVEN EATS ALFALFA SPROUTS.
TRUE.
A DOCTOR CAN'T CONTROL
A PERSON'S STRESS.
LIKE THIS THING WITH MR. PARKER,
IT BUGS HER.
IF IT'S STRESS, WE CAN HELP OUT.
HOW?
DON'T DO ANYTHING TO UPSET HER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WE'RE A JOY TO BE WITH.
COME ON, BLAIR.
WE'RE NOT EXACTLY ANGELS.
RIGHT.
WE MUST DO EVERYTHING
TO MAKE HER LIFE
FREE FROM STRESS.
YEAH.
BEFORE SHE'S JUST
ANOTHER STATISTIC.
YEAH.
YES?
WHAT'S ALL THIS?
ROOM SERVICE.
COMPLIMENTS OF
THE EASTLAND HILTON.
IT'S OUR WAY OF SAYING THANKS.
FOR WHAT?
FOR BEING YOU.
OK.
WHAT GIVES?
IT'S JUST ANOTHER
PRECIOUS DAY IN YOUR LIFE.
WE WANT YOU TO
ENJOY IT STRESS-FREE.
OH, I GET IT.
JUST BECAUSE MY BLOOD
PRESSURE IS ELEVATED,
DON'T CODDLE ME. I'M FINE.
WE WANT TO KEEP YOU THAT WAY.
SO WE'RE BRINGING YOU
A TOUCH OF PARADISE...
AND A LITTLE RELAXING
HAWAIIAN MUSIC.
GIRLS, THIS IS ALL VERY NICE,
BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY TIME.
YOU DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR DON HO'S GREATEST HITS?
AS INCREDIBLE AS IT SOUNDS,
I HAVE IMPORTANT
THINGS TO DO... MY BILLS.
COME ON. TAKE A BREAK.
ENJOY THE VIEW.
AND THE TEA.
AND THE MUSIC.
OK. I GUESS A TEA
BREAK IS A GOOD IDEA!
THANKS, GANG!
SHHH!
THAT OUGHT TO RELAX HER.
WE ARE SUCH WONDERFUL
AND CARING KIDS.
OH, SHOOT!
SHOOT!
DID TINY BUBBLES RUB
YOU THE WRONG WAY?
IT'S THE DARN BANK!
I SENT MY LAST CAR PAYMENT,
EXPECTING MY
OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE.
INSTEAD, I'M DELINQUENT.
MY PAYMENT WASN'T
CREDITED TO MY ACCOUNT!
THAT IS SO TYPICAL.
COMPUTERS CAN
SEND YOU UP THE WALL.
DON'T LET THIS UPSET YOU.
I'LL GIVE THEM A
PIECE OF MY MIND.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
LET ME DO IT.
WHAT?
LET ME HANDLE THIS
UNPLEASANT BANK BUSINESS.
WARNERS HAVE A WORLD
OF EXPERIENCE WITH BANKING.
MONEY IS OUR NAME.
AND GREED IS YOUR GAME.
THANKS FOR OFFERING,
BUT I'LL TAKE CARE
OF THIS MYSELF.
PLEASE, I INSIST.
LEND ME YOUR CAR.
I'LL STRAIGHTEN
THOSE PEOPLE OUT.
THANKS, BLAIR,
BUT I... LET ME DO IT.
OH, WELL... ALL RIGHT.
IT WOULD BE ONE LESS
THING TO WORRY ABOUT.
GOOD. CONSIDER
THE PROBLEM SOLVED.
I HOPE SO.
THANKS, BLAIR.
NOW, IF I COULD JUST SOLVE
THE MR. PARKER PROBLEM.
IT'S REALLY PUSHY
OF HIM ASKING ME
TO DREAM UP A BIRTHDAY
THEME EVERY YEAR.
JUST FORGET ALL THAT.
GO FOR A WALK.
TAKE TIME OUT TO
SMELL THE FLOWERS.
I SMELLED THE FLOWERS YESTERDAY.
I DON'T WANT TO OVERDO IT.
THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
AND REMEMBER,
TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY
OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
WHEN DID YOU ALL
BECOME BUMPER STICKERS?
OH, HI, GIRLS.
IS MRS. GARRETT AROUND?
SHE'S IN HER ROOM.
OH, THANK YOU.
MR. PARKER, I HOPE I'M
NOT BEING PRESUMPTUOUS,
BUT ARE YOU SEEING MRS. GARRETT
ABOUT YOUR WIFE'S
BIRTHDAY PARTY?
WELL, YES. HOW DID YOU KNOW?
SHE MENTIONED IT.
DO YOU THINK IT'S FAIR
HAVING MRS. GARRETT
ARRANGE THESE PARTIES?
DON'T YOU FEEL LEFT OUT...
LIKE YOU HAD NO PART OF IT?
I ALWAYS TAKE
FULL CREDIT FOR IT.
YOUR WIFE DOESN'T KNOW
MRS. GARRETT PLANS
EVERYTHING FOR YOU?
THESE INNOCENT LIES
HOLD A MARRIAGE TOGETHER.
IT WOULD BE SO MUCH
MORE MEANINGFUL TO YOU
AND TO YOUR WIFE
IF YOU PLANNED THIS YEAR'S
PARTY ALL BY YOURSELF.
YEAH.
DOESN'T IT MEAN MORE
WHEN A MAN GIVES
HIS WIFE FLOWERS
INSTEAD OF HIS
SECRETARY SEND THEM?
MY WIFE DOESN'T CARE
HOW SHE GETS FLOWERS,
AS LONG AS SHE GETS THEM.
OH, TELL THE TRUTH, MR. PARKER.
WOULDN'T YOU FEEL BETTER
KNOWING YOU ARRANGED
YOUR WIFE'S PARTY?
WELL...
THINK OF THESE YEARS
YOU'VE LIVED WITH DECEIT.
NATALIE, LET'S
NOT CALL IT DECEIT.
LET'S JUST CALL IT...
CALL IT WHAT, MR. PARKER?
WHAT SHALL WE CALL IT?
WELL, JUST CALL IT...
YOU TWO WILL MAKE PERFECT WIVES.
SO YOU'LL PLAN THE
PARTY BY YOURSELF?
ALL RIGHT. I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.
I HOPE I DON'T MESS IT UP.
MRS. GARRETT THINKS
OF GOOD THEMES.
HOW ABOUT A SPACE FANTASY?
HAVE EVERYBODY COME
AS EXTRATERRESTRIALS.
HEY, I KNOW A PLACE
THAT SELLS WEBBED FEET.
HI, MR. PARKER.
EDNA.
I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU.
I KNOW.
IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN.
I KNOW.
ANOTHER YEAR,
ANOTHER CELEBRATION.
I KNOW.
THIS YEAR, I'M DOING IT MYSELF.
I KNOW.
WHAT?
IT'S TIME I TOOK RESPONSIBILITY.
WEREN'T YOU HAPPY WITH
LAST YEAR'S LUAU THEME?
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
THE LITTLE TIKI TORCHES
ON THE BIRTHDAY CAKE
WAS A STROKE OF CREATIVE GENIUS.
DON'T FORGET THAT GAG DESSERT...
POI A LA MODE.
THAT WAS COMEDY AT ITS BEST.
I'VE GOT GREAT
IDEAS FOR THIS YEAR.
I'M SURE YOU DO,
BUT IT IS MY WIFE'S BIRTHDAY,
SO IT'S MY JOB.
I APPRECIATE ALL YOUR PAST HELP.
I REALLY DO.
HE ROPED YOU INTO IT AGAIN?
NO.
HE TURNED ME DOWN.
HE'S DOING IT HIMSELF.
GREAT! YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK!
HE WON'T DO IT HIMSELF.
THERE'S SOMEBODY ELSE!
I KNOW IT.
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT.
JO, HE DROPPED ME
LIKE A HOT POTATO.
SOMETHING'S WRONG,
AND I'M GOING TO
FIND OUT THE TRUTH!
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
YOU DON'T LOOK TOO GOOD.
I DON'T FEEL TOO GOOD.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
I HAVE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS.
CAN I TELL THE GOOD NEWS FIRST?
THE BAD NEWS IS SO BAD.
SURE.
THE GOOD NEWS IS
I TOOK CARE OF MRS.
GARRETT'S BANKING PROBLEM.
SHE'S GETTING HER CAR'S
OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE.
WELL, THAT'S GREAT.
WHAT'S THE BAD NEWS?
RIGHT NOW, THE CERTIFICATE
IS THE ONLY THING SHE OWNS.
WHEN I LEFT THE BANK,
THE CAR WAS GONE!
SOMEBODY STOLE IT!
YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
YOU'RE NOT KIDDING.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
THIS IS DOING TO ME.
HER CAR WAS RIPPED OFF.
WHO CARES WHAT
IT'S DOING TO YOU?
WHAT'S IT GOING TO
DO TO MRS. GARRETT?
ARE YOU SURE THE CAR WAS STOLEN?
MAYBE IT WAS TOWED AWAY.
IT WAS IN A LEGAL PARKING SPACE.
BLAIR, YOU DIDN'T
DO ANYTHING STUPID
LIKE FORGET TO LOCK IT UP?
OF COURSE I LOCKED IT UP.
IT COULD'VE BEEN
FROM THE OTHER THING.
WHAT OTHER THING?
LEAVING THE KEYS IN THE DOOR.
I HATE TO THINK ABOUT MRS.
GARRETT'S BLOOD PRESSURE.
SHE WILL EXPLODE!
YEAH. ALL OVER YOU.
OH, BLAIR. GOOD, YOU'RE BACK.
HOW WAS EVERYTHING?
REALLY TERRIFIC!
I TOOK CARE OF EVERYTHING.
YOUR CERTIFICATE OF
OWNERSHIP IS IN THE MAIL.
OH, WHAT A RELIEF.
THANK YOU, BLAIR.
YOU'RE A DOLL.
DID YOU TALK TO MR. PARKER?
NO.
HE'S WITH A MAN
WHO LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE THAT
CATERER FROM POUGHKEEPSIE.
BUT I'M NOT HURT.
IT'S OK WITH ME.
I DON'T CARE.
NO, NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
BLAIR, DEAR.
PUT MY CAR KEYS IN MY ROOM.
I'M GOING TO TOWN LATER.
WHY?
MY ELECTRIC TYPEWRITER
STOPPED WORKING.
I HAVE TO TAKE IT IN.
UH... LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT IT.
MAYBE I CAN FIX IT.
DID YOU EVER FIX ONE BEFORE?
IF IT'S A MACHINE, I
CAN SPOT THE TROUBLE.
OH, JO, IF YOU THINK
YOU REALLY COULD,
THAT WOULD BE A BIG HELP.
SURE.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOU GIRLS ARE TERRIFIC.
THANKS FOR THE REPRIEVE.
HOW DO YOU FIX AN
ELECTRIC TYPEWRITER?
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
WE CAN'T KEEP HER
FROM USING HER CAR.
WERE THE POLICE NOTIFIED?
YES.
PLEASE HELP THEM
FIND IT REAL FAST.
THEY'LL FIND IT...
THE TRANSMISSION IN MIAMI,
THE WHEELS IN JERSEY CITY.
HI! YOU'LL BE PROUD OF US.
WE GOT MRS. GARRETT OFF
THE HOOK WITH MR. PARKER.
WE GOT HIM TO HANDLE
HIS WIFE'S BIRTHDAY PARTY
ALL BY HIMSELF.
YOU CAN STOP
CONGRATULATING YOURSELVES.
SHE'S UPSET 'CAUSE
HE'S NOT USING HER.
SHE THINKS HE HIRED
ANOTHER CATERER.
OH, NO.
KEEPING MRS. GARRETT'S
STRESS FACTOR DOWN
IS KEEPING MINE UP.
YOU HAVEN'T HEARD EVERYTHING.
TELL WHAT YOU DID TO
HELP MRS. GARRETT'S STRESS.
DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE BLAIR IS?
UH, NO.
SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE
THE CAR KEYS IN MY ROOM.
I CAN'T FIND THEM.
WHY DO YOU NEED YOUR KEYS?
THEY COME IN HANDY FOR
STARTING YOUR MOTOR.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT
YOUR TYPEWRITER.
I SPOTTED THE TROUBLE.
GOOD, GOOD.
I STILL HAVE TO GO TO TOWN.
I NEED THOSE KEYS!
UH... THERE'S SOMETHING
WE'VE GOT TO TELL YOU.
WHAT?
YOUR KEYS AREN'T IN YOUR ROOM.
I KNOW.
THAT IS WHY I AM
LOOKING FOR THEM.
NO, NO. I MEAN, UH...
THEY'RE NOT HERE...
BECAUSE THE CAR'S NOT HERE.
NOT HERE? WHERE IS IT?
BLAIR'S, UH... BLAIR'S
HAVING IT PAINTED.
PAINTED?
YEAH.
SHE DECIDED THE CAR
LOOKED A LITTLE FADED,
SO SHE'S GOING TO SURPRISE YOU
WITH A PAINT JOB. RIGHT?
THAT IS THE CRAZIEST
THING I EVER HEARD.
WHY WOULD SHE EVER
DO A THING LIKE THAT?
WELL, YOU KNOW BLAIR.
SHE'S VERY IMPULSIVE
AND VERY RICH.
ISN'T SHE A KICK?
WACKY BLAIR.
DON'T LET ON YOU KNOW.
IT WOULD BREAK HER HEART
IF WE RUINED THE SURPRISE.
OH, REALLY?
OH.
OK, I'LL GO ALONG WITH IT.
DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW
WHAT COLOR SHE'S
HAVING IT PAINTED?
SHE MENTIONED FUCHSIA. SORRY.
I HOPE SHE REMEMBERS...
I JUST LOVE BLUE.
WE'LL TELL HER THAT.
HI, BLAIR.
MRS. GARRETT... I CAN'T
STAND IT ANYMORE.
CAN'T STAND WHAT?
YOUR CAR KEYS...
I DON'T HAVE THEM.
I ALSO DON'T HAVE YOUR CAR.
OH?
I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO TELL YOU THIS.
YOUR CAR WAS STOLEN.
REALLY?
WHEN I LEFT THE
BANK, IT WAS GONE...
JUST LIKE THAT.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
NO SWEAT.
NO SWEAT?
NO.
THESE THINGS HAPPEN.
YOU'RE NOT UPSET?
HEY...
THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT
THINGS THAN A USED VOLKSWAGEN.
AS LONG AS YOU HAVE YOUR HEALTH,
THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS.
♪ BLUE SKIES ♪
♪ SMILING AT ME ♪
♪ NOTHING BUT BLUE,
BLUE, BLUE SKIES DO I SEE ♪
BLUE.
♪ AM I BLUE? ♪
♪ AM I BLUE? ♪
♪ MMM HMM MMM MMM... ♪
UH... EXCUSE ME.
HELLO. I'M OFFICER FRANKLIN.
CAN I HELP YOU?
WAS YOUR CAR STOLEN?
NO.
WHERE CAN I FIND EDNA GARRETT?
MY CAR WASN'T STOLEN.
DO YOU OWN A '75 VOLKSWAGEN
CONVERTIBLE? YELLOW?
POSSIBLY BLUE.
LICENSE NUMBER 845 DUD?
YES!
YOUR CAR WAS STOLEN.
FROM THE PAINT SHOP.
WHAT PAINT SHOP?
WHERE IT WAS FOR
THE BIG SURPRISE.
WHAT BIG SURPRISE?
FROM MY GIRLS!
WHAT GIRLS?
IS THIS VEIN THROBBING?
LET ME BACK IT UP A BIT.
YOUR CAR WAS
STOLEN THIS AFTERNOON
IN DOWNTOWN PEEKSGILL.
BLAIR WARNER WAS
DRIVING IT AT THE TIME.
BLAIR TOLD ME. I
DIDN'T BELIEVE HER.
FORTUNATELY, WE DID.
IT WAS ABANDONED A
COUPLE OF BLOCKS AWAY.
WHAT COLOR WAS IT?
STILL YELLOW.
AND THE RADIO IS MISSING.
I FELL FOR THE PAINT STORY.
HERE ARE YOUR KEYS.
THANKS.
SIGN HERE, MRS. GARRETT.
YES. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
HI, GIRLS.
NOT SO FAST!
I'D LIKE A FEW WORDS WITH YOU.
WELL... I GUESS I
BETTER BE GOING, OK?
IF YOU WANT MY OPINION,
THE CAR LOOKED CUTE IN YELLOW.
GOOD-BYE, GIRLS.
BEFORE WE UNNECESSARILY MAKE
TOTAL FOOLS OUT OF OURSELVES,
IS IT SAFE TO ASSUME
THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW
THE CAR ISN'T BEING PAINTED?
GOOD ASSUMPTION.
WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME THE TRUTH?
I DID. YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME.
HOW COULD I? I BELIEVED THEM.
THEY WERE LYING.
HOW COULD I KNOW?
I'LL BUY YOU A NEW CAR.
I DON'T WANT A NEW CAR.
I WANT HONESTY AND MATURITY!
BE SMART. TAKE THE CAR.
I DON'T HAVE TO.
THEY FOUND MINE.
MINUS THE RADIO.
GIRLS, WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME THE TRUTH?
WE HAD OUR REASONS.
THERE'S NO REASON FOR LYING!
DON'T YELL.
DON'T TELL ME TO DON'T YELL!
BUT YOUR HIGH
BLOOD PRESSURE... OH.
SO THAT'S IT.
YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY
I EVER TOLD YOU.
WE WERE TRYING TO
KEEP YOU FROM WORRYING.
THAT'S WHY WE TALKED MR. PARKER
INTO HANDLING HIS WIFE'S PARTY.
YOU DID WHAT?
I'VE BEEN GOING CRAZY.
I THOUGHT I HAD DONE
SOMETHING WRONG.
WE OVERDID THE
HELPING-HAND ROUTINE.
I'LL ADMIT THAT UNLOADING
SOME OF MY PROBLEMS
DID SEEM LIKE A
REALLY GOOD IDEA, BUT...
YOU HAD A LOT OF STRESS!
NATALIE, I'M BEGINNING TO SEE
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO,
YOU CANNOT ELIMINATE STRESS.
THE BEST YOU CAN DO
IS LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH IT.
YEAH!
YEAH. YEAH.
I FIXED YOUR
ELECTRIC TYPEWRITER.
OH, GREAT, JO.
WHAT WAS THE PROBLEM?
OH, IT WAS JUST AN
ELECTRICAL THING.
LET ME PLUG IT IN.
YOU SEE, GIRLS?
SOMETIMES THINGS
DO WORK OUT JUST FINE.
OK, TRY IT.
YEA... YEA... OHHH!
UH-OH.