The Expanding Universe of Ashley Garcia (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Hasta La Vista, Baby - full transcript
You've got to try
this new burger I invented.
It's fantastic.
Oh, my God!
Effusive praise of your own creation won't
influence what I think of your burger.
That said, oh, my God!
Women create life.
Men create burgers.
Well, that's a viewpoint.
[cell phone chimes]
Oh, it's Ava.
She wants me to go help her pack.
I thought Ava's moving away would be hard
for you,
but you're holding up pretty well.
[sighs] I got lots of things going on.
Creating new burgers, big game on Friday.
Zara's having a sale on Henleys. So...
Yeah, you sound way too busy
for a relationship.
What's up with Tad?
He's got this neck pain.
He hasn't been able to complete any passes
at practice.
Hey, buddy. What did the orthopedist say?
He said, "Whoa!
The gown opens in the back."
Maybe skip ahead to the medical stuff.
Oh, yeah. Good news, the doctor said
there's nothing wrong with me.
All right. Up top.
Down low.
[winces]
How're we gonna get you better in time
for the South Pas game this Friday?
No idea, Coach.
I've seen two doctors now,
and neither could find anything wrong
with me.
Given that the tests haven't revealed
any physical injury,
it's possible
your pain could be psychosomatic.
So, his pain's not real?
No, it's real.
Psychosomatic pain
has been scientifically proven.
In the 1970s,
neurobiologist Henri Laborit put rats
in stressful situations.
If they could fight or run away,
the rats stayed healthy.
But if the rats were inhibited
from taking any action, the rats got sick.
Sure, let's forget about my problems
and talk about rats.
No, Tad, what I'm saying
is there might be some stress
in your life that you're not acting on,
and that inaction could be
what's causing your neck pain.
-Like the rat in Laborit's study.
-Blah, blah, blah. Genius, genius.
So... how does Tad get better?
You need to consult a psychologist.
My dad doesn't trust psychologists.
He'd never let me see one.
He said they're just collecting
blackmail material.
Ash, you can help him.
How? I'm not a psychologist.
Yeah, but you're a psy-ientist.
You understand this stuff,
and I gotta go help Ava.
Coach, are you gonna finish that burger?
Oh. No time. Knock yourself out.
[groans]
[grunts]
I can cut it up for you.
I'm too proud for that.
[theme music playing]
And this semester,
everyone at school has to apply
for an internship.
I'm applying to GEmS.
GEmS?
The Girls Empowerment Society.
High school girls
mentor middle school girls.
I would've killed to be mentored
by me in sixth grade.
Helping middle school girls sounds great.
But are you still mentoring
young scientists
who live with their uncles?
[laughs] Asking for a friend.
Oh, sweetie, we're not done yet.
You wore a visor last week.
Besides, I probably won't even get
this internship.
GEmS rejected me last year
because they hated my video résumé.
What makes you think that?
The email that said,
"We hate your video résumé."
[scoffs] They didn't say that.
Practically. They wanted a video
that says who I really am.
I give tips to people.
Talking about myself is just not my thing.
-But you have so many good qualities.
-[sighs]
And it sounds like you have
a really good handle on this.
Video's due tomorrow. You're hired.
Oh, Brooke.
I would, but editing
and filmmaking aren't really my things.
Well, I need someone to help me.
Hello, ladies.
Does your uncle ever lock that door?
He should.
Otherwise, anyone could wander in here.
Is Coach here?
I wanted to show him the footage
I edited together
from the Buckley game last week.
Stick, can I see you in the kitchen
for a sec?
Wait, why? Okay!
-Stick, can I ask you a favor?
-Sure, I'd do anything for you.
Brooke is applying to be an intern
at the Girls Empowerment Society,
but she needs to make a video résumé.
-Will you help her?
-No.
You said you'd do anything for me.
I say stuff all the time.
Purple octopus, sea turtle, quesadilla.
See? It's nonsense.
Besides, I thought GEmS
was about mentoring girls.
What could Brooke offer
besides a bunch of dumb makeup tips?
[sighs]
Sorry, Stick didn't know you were there.
Actually, I kind of saw you
out the corner of my eye.
Great eyesight and yet you chose
that shirt. [clicks tongue]
Stick, you're super talented,
and Brooke really needs your help.
She doesn't even like me.
Why would I do it?
Because you're my friend
and you always help me.
Like when you helped me with Ichabod
and when you helped me at robotics club.
And when you made me this cup koozie.
It was supposed to be a scarf,
but I kind of messed it up.
Please.
Yeah, I'm not gonna do it,
no matter how many e's
you put on your "please."
Please.
Okay, I'll help her.
Okay, this needs to be packed, too.
Is this storage or going to Antarctica?
Storage.
The big box.
I knew that.
Oh.
You're really not bringing much with you.
[Ava] Oh, I know,
there are so many things I'm gonna miss.
My Keurig, my jade plant, my Swiffer.
And?
And... [sighs]
my Vitamix.
I'm teasing you, Victor.
I'm gonna miss you a lot.
What? What is it?
It's just, you're really going.
Well, yeah,
I've been saying that for a week.
I know, but just seeing you
in that coat makes it real.
I mean, no one dresses like that
in Pasadena.
It is kind of cute, though, huh?
Hey.
Ava, this is making me realize
that we haven't really talked about...
[Ava clears throat]
...this.
The elephant in the room. [laughs]
Well, that's a mastodon.
Well then, we're gonna talk
about the mastodon in the room.
You're going away,
so what's gonna happen to us?
I mean, Victor, who knows
what things are gonna be like in a year?
But while I'm gone,
I want you to take care of my mastodon.
I'm honored.
I'll make sure it doesn't go extinct.
Not sure this answers what's gonna happen
with us, but...
Well, when I get back,
I'll come and get it.
And we'll see...
where we are.
Are you okay with that?
Yeah, I think so.
Well, look at us being all adult.
Well, that's me.
One big grownup.
This sucks!
Last night, I couldn't eat.
I couldn't sleep.
I can't live like this.
Dude, you got it bad.
[laughs]
You know,
I remember when I had it bad once
after a relationship ended.
Ooh, the pain.
Oh, it was unbelievable. Oh.
But don't worry, man. Pain goes away.
How long did it take?
Eh, not that long.
It was gone in five years.
Five years?
I can't feel this way for five years.
Then you gotta break this spell, bro.
You need a curandera.
You know, a healer.
My abuela's friend Rosa,
she's a miracle worker. Trust me on this.
You really believe
in that old world stuff?
Only 'cause it works.
Rosa got my sister over that ex-con.
My mom's annoying little neighbor
suddenly disappeared.
She even got me out of a time-share.
-She did?
-[mutters]
Phew. Those time-share contracts
are a nightmare.
Mm-hmm.
-Give me her number.
-Mm.
Wait. Here.
Use my punch card.
One more and I get a free candle.
So, how does this therapy stuff work?
According
to this clinical psychology textbook,
which I just finished,
I do an intake
where I ask you a bunch of questions
until I find one
that makes you uncomfortable.
Then I give you homework.
You learned to be a psychologist
that fast? You're amazing.
Or I'm totally committing malpractice.
All right. Intake questions.
How are things at home?
I don't know. I'm not there.
Let me check the door cam.
No, how are things inside your home?
Well, my dog
and my snake aren't really getting along,
but they'll figure it out.
Okay. And how are things with Bella?
Pass.
Tad, it's not a game show.
You have to answer the question.
Things are great.
Next question.
Talking about Bella seems
to make you uncomfortable.
I didn't say that.
You can't say I said that.
Yes! I found the issue in two questions.
I am so good at this!
But this isn't about me.
Something in your relationship with Bella
is causing you stress.
What do you think it is?
Well, she can be a little demanding.
-How so?
-Have you met her?
I want you to give me an example.
She makes me do stuff
I don't have time for.
-Like?
-Right now,
she thinks I'm at the mall buying her
those new high-tech high heels
that sync with your iPhone.
But the line was three hours long,
so I told her they were all sold out.
So, in order to avoid conflict,
you lie to her?
Yeah. You get it. Great sesh.
No, Tad,
lying to Bella is not a good thing.
The stress caused by your lying
could be what's affecting your neck.
Now we've discovered
what's making you uncomfortable,
it's time for your homework.
Next time you're with Bella,
try telling her the truth
about something
you would normally lie about.
After that,
come back and tell me how it felt.
You know what?
Now that we talked about it,
I think I feel better.
Really? All cured, huh?
Catch this.
That was not very professional, Doctor.
Fine, I'll be honest with Bella.
And here is something the GEmS committee
might like to know about.
This is a napkin that Kylie Jenner used
to blot her lipstick.
The GEmS committee is gonna wanna know
what makes you a good match
for their program.
How does this or any of the stuff
you brought tell me who you are,
aside from being a celebrity stalker?
Kylie dropped this.
Can I borrow this?
Sure, as long as you promise to return it.
It was my great-grandfather's.
[laughs]
Let's try again.
Tell me one surprising,
wonderful thing about yourself.
I think that girl is into you.
I asked you a personal question,
and you changed the subject.
She is totally checking you out.
You're still doing it.
What's so hard about saying
why you're qualified to mentor girls? Go.
I don't love talking about myself.
Why are you so hung up on a girl
who just wants to be friends
while you totally ignore
perfectly available girls you make laugh?
We're interviewing you, not me.
You're not horrible-looking.
Thank you?
[laughs]
And you're funny... to some people.
[laughs] Hobbies. Do you have any hobbies?
But it's all wasted 'cause,
I mean, look at you.
You're going out of your way to help me,
someone you don't even like,
just to do Ashley a favor.
Okay, why are we talking about this?
A cute girl flirted with you,
you made a decent joke,
and you're not gonna do anything about it
because you're hung up on Ashley.
Why do you care so much about my life?
I'm a giver. It's a curse.
Aha!
Found your hobby: giving unwanted advice.
Maybe I should just go.
And I have hobbies.
Jumping rope, hula hoop,
finding the perfect gourmet doughnut.
But none of that's the real you,
and this, this is just junk
you couldn't sell at a garage sale.
I could get $300 for this napkin.
There is interest on eBay.
What are all these thank yous?
I didn't mean to bring those.
It's nothing.
Hey, you left one.
Thank you for making a house call,
señora Rosa.
Oh, it helps me to feel your aura to be
in your home.
Also, a pipe burst in my office.
[laughs] And you didn't predict that?
Sorry. You came very highly recommended
from Nico.
Nico. Nico...
Oh, hot time-share guy.
Now, I gotta be honest.
I'm a little skeptical that you
and your powers
can help me get over these feelings.
You young people nowadays.
You don't accept the old ways.
Well, I don't accept the modern ways.
But you do accept Venmo.
Let's get started.
Did you bring something of hers
like I asked?
Here it is.
Ah, yes.
Her energy is very strong.
In order for you
to cut ties with this woman,
any gift that she has given you,
you must get rid of immediately.
-What?
-Hmm.
Oh. She also gave me these tissues.
Can we get rid of this instead?
I've grown very attached to it.
I cannot work with you.
Okay, fine, fine, fine.
I'll get rid of it.
Bueno. Now, this is very important.
Does she have anything of yours?
Well, she does have a pair
of my silk pajamas.
Oh, exotic sleepwear.
You need to get those back, pronto.
-Yeah, I guess I can ask for them back.
-No, no, no. You must steal them.
She can't know what we're doing.
-Why?
-Hey, who's the curandera here?
Okay, I'll do it.
Oh, and I believe I get a free candle.
No sharesies.
It doesn't say that on the card.
Ash, your homework assignment didn't work.
I don't understand.
Laborit's experiments proved it.
How could it not work?
I don't know.
Could've been a whole bunch of reasons.
Science isn't perfect, I didn't do it...
Seriously?
I was gonna be honest with Bella,
but then she asked me to grab some tempeh
with her,
and I just said, "Sorry!
I got football practice."
But there was no practice!
I can't eat another bite of tempeh.
I came straight here.
Oh, Tad.
Honesty can't be the only cure.
I'll do the shots.
Shots? There are no shots.
Don't withhold the shots.
I'm getting worse.
No, Tad, I'm done.
I tell you to do the same thing
over and over again,
and you refuse to follow through.
I'm not gonna keep doing this.
Well, if you were gonna give up on me,
why'd you ever help me in the first place?
Because I care about you.
But clearly, you don't want my advice.
No, your advice is good.
Next time I see Bella, I promise,
I'll tell her the truth.
Tad!
What are you doing here?
I'm at practice.
Right, Coach?
I can't believe this.
How did you find me?
Your moped is leaking.
I trusted you, Tad,
and here I find you sneaking off
to be with that... woman.
Woman? Me?
Oh, no, I am not that woman.
There's no cheating.
Really, Tad? Her?
She wore a visor last week.
How does everyone remember that?
Why don't you just do everyone a favor
and go to Mars already?
I would love to!
Babe, we're not doing anything bad.
We were just talking.
Yeah, it's nothing.
I just come here to talk to Ashley
about all the intimate details
of my relationship with you.
What?
You talk about our intimate details
with another girl?
This is even worse than cheating!
We are so over.
Bella, wait!
We are totally cheating!
We don't talk at all!
I show up, we cheat, and I go!
I'm sorry, snickerdoodle!
We really gotta start locking this door.
-Hi.
-Hey.
Wow. Look at this.
I came to help you pack,
but you're almost done.
I got my packing down to a science.
-What are these?
-Vacuum bags. They're a miracle.
You can pack twice as much.
You know what's in this?
My futon.
Science girl's got jokes.
Yeah, she does.
Right.
You know, it's funny.
Seems like I just unpacked all this stuff.
Just have a few more things
I need to grab in the bedroom.
Take your time.
Take all the time you need.
I'll be just fine in here.
[laughs]
Okay, jammies. Where are my jammies?
Okay.
[gasps] Okay. Okay.
[Ava]
Hey! You wanna get something to eat later?
No, I'm stuffed!
What?
[grunts]
Victor.
You okay?
Look...
I'm just gonna come clean.
[panting] Uh... I had to...
find out how these vacuum bags work.
What they are doing today
with bag technology is fascinating.
You wanna watch me pack one?
Oh, God, more than anything.
You know, I always thought Brooke was just
a popular girl who did makeup tutorials,
but part of me suspected
she might actually be interesting.
I hope you didn't phrase it like that
in the video.
I found this thank you note
with a return address.
It wound up giving me a take
on Brooke's video résumé.
Wanted to show it to you
before I showed it to Brooke.
The person who knows Brooke Bishop best
is probably Brooke Bishop, but...
I don't love talking about myself.
[Stick] In that case, let's see
what others have to say about Brooke.
Brooke's been a wonderful mentor.
She's helped me fit in after being away
from Pasadena for years.
And she taught me how to dab.
And then she told me never to do it again
because it's over.
[Stick] Clearly, she helps her friends,
but let's see how she treats other people.
Brooke comes here
a couple mornings a month
when one of the women
at the shelter has a job interview.
She does our makeup.
But it's not just makeup.
What Brooke does changes how I see myself.
It's hard to keep your confidence
when you're homeless.
Brooke gave that back to me.
Also, she taught me how to dab.
[all] Thank you, Brooke!
[Stick]
Brooke has already touched a lot of lives,
and if she gets the internship with GEmS,
she'll be able to touch a lot more.
Brooke, is there anything else
you'd like the GEmS committee
to know about you?
I have hobbies.
Jumping rope, hula hoop,
finding the perfect gourmet doughnut.
[Stick]
Brooke Bishop, the intern of your future.
What do you think?
Amazing, brilliant.
And by that, I mean your video
and Brooke's life.
She never told me she did all that.
Yeah, that jump rope thing is amazing.
And the empowering homeless women thing,
too.
So, do you think Brooke'll like the video?
Oh, my God, are you kidding?
Oh, my God, are you kidding?
You love it that much, huh?
How did you find out about this?
Well, delete that part.
You can't use it.
What? Why?
If you want GEmS to see
who you really are, this does it.
Please, Stick, I really don't want
anyone finding out about this.
Why wouldn't you want people to see it?
It's awesome.
Because...
Because then, people will ask
why I help out at a homeless shelter.
-So?
-So...
I don't want to talk about the fact
that my aunt is homeless,
and my family doesn't know where she is.
I don't want to talk about the fact
that I tried to help her,
and I can't because it's complicated.
But nobody I know understands that
because nobody else I know has
a homeless relative.
Wow, Brooke, I had no idea.
Of course you had no idea,
because I don't talk about it.
Because... I'm ashamed.
I'm ashamed I can't help her, and...
it might not make any sense,
but it's how I feel.
I don't think you have anything
to be ashamed of and trust me,
[snorts] I'm the king of shame.
I think you should be proud.
Watching how you help those women
makes me want to help people, too.
A lot of people are all talk,
but you're not.
Thank you, Stick.
But don't worry, I understand.
If you don't want it in the video,
I'll take it out.
Wait.
Keep it.
You sure?
Yeah.
If what I did gets other people
to be involved, then...
I think I can let people know.
I think it's really cool.
I really appreciate this, Stick.
The video is amazing.
I had no idea how talented you are.
See? I'm more than just a guy
who wears dumb shirts.
They're not all dumb.
Just the one from the other day.
This one's kind of cute.
Thanks.
I'll let my mom know you like it.
-I buy all my own clothes.
-[laughing]
Even though Ashley didn't want
to be your girlfriend,
I can see you being
a really awesome boyfriend
for someone one day.
Thanks. You too.
I mean, girlfriend, not boyfriend.
Or... whatever you want.
There you are!
[exhales] Ashley, my life is over!
When I caught up with Bella,
I came clean about every lie
I've ever told her,
and now she never wants to see me again.
Yeah, but you guys break up all the time.
I'm sure it'll blow over.
No, this time it's for real.
She changed our Spotify password.
How many of those have you had?
I don't know, I've lost count.
One.
I'm sorry, Tad.
You did everything I said,
and nothing got better.
It's not your fault you couldn't help me.
Nothing can help me.
Tad, did that hurt?
Yeah, duh, my heart just got ripped out.
Not that.
You just threw a perfect pass.
Don't you see what just happened?
You can throw again. You're healed.
Doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt!
Oh! It's a miracle!
I don't know what you did, but it worked.
It's not what I did. It's what you did.
Right. What did I do again?
You came clean with Bella.
You were in a stressful situation,
and that was the action you took.
And now you'll be able to play
against South Pas Friday night!
Yes! But wait.
Bella won't be there.
If she's not there, I'll suck.
You saw how that works.
Tad, what I saw is that she told you
that you play better when she's there.
But maybe that's not how it really works.
But I did play better when she was there.
No, Tad, it just seemed that way.
But your data was faulty.
It's like...
people used to think that the Earth
was the center of the universe.
They were wrong.
Just like you thought Bella was the center
of your universe.
She's not.
Whoa.
I know Bella could be selfish
and demanding, but...
I always thought she was good for me.
I don't think a person
who stresses you out that much
is good for you.
I know I've never been in a relationship,
but I think it's important to be
with someone you can be honest with,
someone you can trust,
someone who makes you laugh,
someone you can really count on...
A person who knows what you need,
sometimes more than you do.
You can ask them to do anything,
and they'll do it...
no questions asked...
because they care about you.
[laughs]
Oh, yeah, like you could ever find someone
that nice.
Although, that does kind of sound
like Stick.
Man, he would be perfect for someone.
[laughs]
I did everything you told me to do,
and I still feel terrible.
You did not get rid of the mastodon.
How did you know?
It's right over there.
Are you serious about this or not?
Don't you want these feelings to go away?
I-- Well...
No.
I don't want these feelings to go away.
I think these gnawing, awful feelings...
might be love.
And I gotta tell Ava.
I sensed you didn't wanna release yourself
from this woman.
Why didn't you tell me?
You were not ready.
And I have bills to pay.
[laughs] You know, I can't tell
if you're magic or full of crap.
Hey, Ash.
What?
[laughs] Oh, hey.
You don't have to be magic to know
that one...
has got it bad.
[theme music playing]
this new burger I invented.
It's fantastic.
Oh, my God!
Effusive praise of your own creation won't
influence what I think of your burger.
That said, oh, my God!
Women create life.
Men create burgers.
Well, that's a viewpoint.
[cell phone chimes]
Oh, it's Ava.
She wants me to go help her pack.
I thought Ava's moving away would be hard
for you,
but you're holding up pretty well.
[sighs] I got lots of things going on.
Creating new burgers, big game on Friday.
Zara's having a sale on Henleys. So...
Yeah, you sound way too busy
for a relationship.
What's up with Tad?
He's got this neck pain.
He hasn't been able to complete any passes
at practice.
Hey, buddy. What did the orthopedist say?
He said, "Whoa!
The gown opens in the back."
Maybe skip ahead to the medical stuff.
Oh, yeah. Good news, the doctor said
there's nothing wrong with me.
All right. Up top.
Down low.
[winces]
How're we gonna get you better in time
for the South Pas game this Friday?
No idea, Coach.
I've seen two doctors now,
and neither could find anything wrong
with me.
Given that the tests haven't revealed
any physical injury,
it's possible
your pain could be psychosomatic.
So, his pain's not real?
No, it's real.
Psychosomatic pain
has been scientifically proven.
In the 1970s,
neurobiologist Henri Laborit put rats
in stressful situations.
If they could fight or run away,
the rats stayed healthy.
But if the rats were inhibited
from taking any action, the rats got sick.
Sure, let's forget about my problems
and talk about rats.
No, Tad, what I'm saying
is there might be some stress
in your life that you're not acting on,
and that inaction could be
what's causing your neck pain.
-Like the rat in Laborit's study.
-Blah, blah, blah. Genius, genius.
So... how does Tad get better?
You need to consult a psychologist.
My dad doesn't trust psychologists.
He'd never let me see one.
He said they're just collecting
blackmail material.
Ash, you can help him.
How? I'm not a psychologist.
Yeah, but you're a psy-ientist.
You understand this stuff,
and I gotta go help Ava.
Coach, are you gonna finish that burger?
Oh. No time. Knock yourself out.
[groans]
[grunts]
I can cut it up for you.
I'm too proud for that.
[theme music playing]
And this semester,
everyone at school has to apply
for an internship.
I'm applying to GEmS.
GEmS?
The Girls Empowerment Society.
High school girls
mentor middle school girls.
I would've killed to be mentored
by me in sixth grade.
Helping middle school girls sounds great.
But are you still mentoring
young scientists
who live with their uncles?
[laughs] Asking for a friend.
Oh, sweetie, we're not done yet.
You wore a visor last week.
Besides, I probably won't even get
this internship.
GEmS rejected me last year
because they hated my video résumé.
What makes you think that?
The email that said,
"We hate your video résumé."
[scoffs] They didn't say that.
Practically. They wanted a video
that says who I really am.
I give tips to people.
Talking about myself is just not my thing.
-But you have so many good qualities.
-[sighs]
And it sounds like you have
a really good handle on this.
Video's due tomorrow. You're hired.
Oh, Brooke.
I would, but editing
and filmmaking aren't really my things.
Well, I need someone to help me.
Hello, ladies.
Does your uncle ever lock that door?
He should.
Otherwise, anyone could wander in here.
Is Coach here?
I wanted to show him the footage
I edited together
from the Buckley game last week.
Stick, can I see you in the kitchen
for a sec?
Wait, why? Okay!
-Stick, can I ask you a favor?
-Sure, I'd do anything for you.
Brooke is applying to be an intern
at the Girls Empowerment Society,
but she needs to make a video résumé.
-Will you help her?
-No.
You said you'd do anything for me.
I say stuff all the time.
Purple octopus, sea turtle, quesadilla.
See? It's nonsense.
Besides, I thought GEmS
was about mentoring girls.
What could Brooke offer
besides a bunch of dumb makeup tips?
[sighs]
Sorry, Stick didn't know you were there.
Actually, I kind of saw you
out the corner of my eye.
Great eyesight and yet you chose
that shirt. [clicks tongue]
Stick, you're super talented,
and Brooke really needs your help.
She doesn't even like me.
Why would I do it?
Because you're my friend
and you always help me.
Like when you helped me with Ichabod
and when you helped me at robotics club.
And when you made me this cup koozie.
It was supposed to be a scarf,
but I kind of messed it up.
Please.
Yeah, I'm not gonna do it,
no matter how many e's
you put on your "please."
Please.
Okay, I'll help her.
Okay, this needs to be packed, too.
Is this storage or going to Antarctica?
Storage.
The big box.
I knew that.
Oh.
You're really not bringing much with you.
[Ava] Oh, I know,
there are so many things I'm gonna miss.
My Keurig, my jade plant, my Swiffer.
And?
And... [sighs]
my Vitamix.
I'm teasing you, Victor.
I'm gonna miss you a lot.
What? What is it?
It's just, you're really going.
Well, yeah,
I've been saying that for a week.
I know, but just seeing you
in that coat makes it real.
I mean, no one dresses like that
in Pasadena.
It is kind of cute, though, huh?
Hey.
Ava, this is making me realize
that we haven't really talked about...
[Ava clears throat]
...this.
The elephant in the room. [laughs]
Well, that's a mastodon.
Well then, we're gonna talk
about the mastodon in the room.
You're going away,
so what's gonna happen to us?
I mean, Victor, who knows
what things are gonna be like in a year?
But while I'm gone,
I want you to take care of my mastodon.
I'm honored.
I'll make sure it doesn't go extinct.
Not sure this answers what's gonna happen
with us, but...
Well, when I get back,
I'll come and get it.
And we'll see...
where we are.
Are you okay with that?
Yeah, I think so.
Well, look at us being all adult.
Well, that's me.
One big grownup.
This sucks!
Last night, I couldn't eat.
I couldn't sleep.
I can't live like this.
Dude, you got it bad.
[laughs]
You know,
I remember when I had it bad once
after a relationship ended.
Ooh, the pain.
Oh, it was unbelievable. Oh.
But don't worry, man. Pain goes away.
How long did it take?
Eh, not that long.
It was gone in five years.
Five years?
I can't feel this way for five years.
Then you gotta break this spell, bro.
You need a curandera.
You know, a healer.
My abuela's friend Rosa,
she's a miracle worker. Trust me on this.
You really believe
in that old world stuff?
Only 'cause it works.
Rosa got my sister over that ex-con.
My mom's annoying little neighbor
suddenly disappeared.
She even got me out of a time-share.
-She did?
-[mutters]
Phew. Those time-share contracts
are a nightmare.
Mm-hmm.
-Give me her number.
-Mm.
Wait. Here.
Use my punch card.
One more and I get a free candle.
So, how does this therapy stuff work?
According
to this clinical psychology textbook,
which I just finished,
I do an intake
where I ask you a bunch of questions
until I find one
that makes you uncomfortable.
Then I give you homework.
You learned to be a psychologist
that fast? You're amazing.
Or I'm totally committing malpractice.
All right. Intake questions.
How are things at home?
I don't know. I'm not there.
Let me check the door cam.
No, how are things inside your home?
Well, my dog
and my snake aren't really getting along,
but they'll figure it out.
Okay. And how are things with Bella?
Pass.
Tad, it's not a game show.
You have to answer the question.
Things are great.
Next question.
Talking about Bella seems
to make you uncomfortable.
I didn't say that.
You can't say I said that.
Yes! I found the issue in two questions.
I am so good at this!
But this isn't about me.
Something in your relationship with Bella
is causing you stress.
What do you think it is?
Well, she can be a little demanding.
-How so?
-Have you met her?
I want you to give me an example.
She makes me do stuff
I don't have time for.
-Like?
-Right now,
she thinks I'm at the mall buying her
those new high-tech high heels
that sync with your iPhone.
But the line was three hours long,
so I told her they were all sold out.
So, in order to avoid conflict,
you lie to her?
Yeah. You get it. Great sesh.
No, Tad,
lying to Bella is not a good thing.
The stress caused by your lying
could be what's affecting your neck.
Now we've discovered
what's making you uncomfortable,
it's time for your homework.
Next time you're with Bella,
try telling her the truth
about something
you would normally lie about.
After that,
come back and tell me how it felt.
You know what?
Now that we talked about it,
I think I feel better.
Really? All cured, huh?
Catch this.
That was not very professional, Doctor.
Fine, I'll be honest with Bella.
And here is something the GEmS committee
might like to know about.
This is a napkin that Kylie Jenner used
to blot her lipstick.
The GEmS committee is gonna wanna know
what makes you a good match
for their program.
How does this or any of the stuff
you brought tell me who you are,
aside from being a celebrity stalker?
Kylie dropped this.
Can I borrow this?
Sure, as long as you promise to return it.
It was my great-grandfather's.
[laughs]
Let's try again.
Tell me one surprising,
wonderful thing about yourself.
I think that girl is into you.
I asked you a personal question,
and you changed the subject.
She is totally checking you out.
You're still doing it.
What's so hard about saying
why you're qualified to mentor girls? Go.
I don't love talking about myself.
Why are you so hung up on a girl
who just wants to be friends
while you totally ignore
perfectly available girls you make laugh?
We're interviewing you, not me.
You're not horrible-looking.
Thank you?
[laughs]
And you're funny... to some people.
[laughs] Hobbies. Do you have any hobbies?
But it's all wasted 'cause,
I mean, look at you.
You're going out of your way to help me,
someone you don't even like,
just to do Ashley a favor.
Okay, why are we talking about this?
A cute girl flirted with you,
you made a decent joke,
and you're not gonna do anything about it
because you're hung up on Ashley.
Why do you care so much about my life?
I'm a giver. It's a curse.
Aha!
Found your hobby: giving unwanted advice.
Maybe I should just go.
And I have hobbies.
Jumping rope, hula hoop,
finding the perfect gourmet doughnut.
But none of that's the real you,
and this, this is just junk
you couldn't sell at a garage sale.
I could get $300 for this napkin.
There is interest on eBay.
What are all these thank yous?
I didn't mean to bring those.
It's nothing.
Hey, you left one.
Thank you for making a house call,
señora Rosa.
Oh, it helps me to feel your aura to be
in your home.
Also, a pipe burst in my office.
[laughs] And you didn't predict that?
Sorry. You came very highly recommended
from Nico.
Nico. Nico...
Oh, hot time-share guy.
Now, I gotta be honest.
I'm a little skeptical that you
and your powers
can help me get over these feelings.
You young people nowadays.
You don't accept the old ways.
Well, I don't accept the modern ways.
But you do accept Venmo.
Let's get started.
Did you bring something of hers
like I asked?
Here it is.
Ah, yes.
Her energy is very strong.
In order for you
to cut ties with this woman,
any gift that she has given you,
you must get rid of immediately.
-What?
-Hmm.
Oh. She also gave me these tissues.
Can we get rid of this instead?
I've grown very attached to it.
I cannot work with you.
Okay, fine, fine, fine.
I'll get rid of it.
Bueno. Now, this is very important.
Does she have anything of yours?
Well, she does have a pair
of my silk pajamas.
Oh, exotic sleepwear.
You need to get those back, pronto.
-Yeah, I guess I can ask for them back.
-No, no, no. You must steal them.
She can't know what we're doing.
-Why?
-Hey, who's the curandera here?
Okay, I'll do it.
Oh, and I believe I get a free candle.
No sharesies.
It doesn't say that on the card.
Ash, your homework assignment didn't work.
I don't understand.
Laborit's experiments proved it.
How could it not work?
I don't know.
Could've been a whole bunch of reasons.
Science isn't perfect, I didn't do it...
Seriously?
I was gonna be honest with Bella,
but then she asked me to grab some tempeh
with her,
and I just said, "Sorry!
I got football practice."
But there was no practice!
I can't eat another bite of tempeh.
I came straight here.
Oh, Tad.
Honesty can't be the only cure.
I'll do the shots.
Shots? There are no shots.
Don't withhold the shots.
I'm getting worse.
No, Tad, I'm done.
I tell you to do the same thing
over and over again,
and you refuse to follow through.
I'm not gonna keep doing this.
Well, if you were gonna give up on me,
why'd you ever help me in the first place?
Because I care about you.
But clearly, you don't want my advice.
No, your advice is good.
Next time I see Bella, I promise,
I'll tell her the truth.
Tad!
What are you doing here?
I'm at practice.
Right, Coach?
I can't believe this.
How did you find me?
Your moped is leaking.
I trusted you, Tad,
and here I find you sneaking off
to be with that... woman.
Woman? Me?
Oh, no, I am not that woman.
There's no cheating.
Really, Tad? Her?
She wore a visor last week.
How does everyone remember that?
Why don't you just do everyone a favor
and go to Mars already?
I would love to!
Babe, we're not doing anything bad.
We were just talking.
Yeah, it's nothing.
I just come here to talk to Ashley
about all the intimate details
of my relationship with you.
What?
You talk about our intimate details
with another girl?
This is even worse than cheating!
We are so over.
Bella, wait!
We are totally cheating!
We don't talk at all!
I show up, we cheat, and I go!
I'm sorry, snickerdoodle!
We really gotta start locking this door.
-Hi.
-Hey.
Wow. Look at this.
I came to help you pack,
but you're almost done.
I got my packing down to a science.
-What are these?
-Vacuum bags. They're a miracle.
You can pack twice as much.
You know what's in this?
My futon.
Science girl's got jokes.
Yeah, she does.
Right.
You know, it's funny.
Seems like I just unpacked all this stuff.
Just have a few more things
I need to grab in the bedroom.
Take your time.
Take all the time you need.
I'll be just fine in here.
[laughs]
Okay, jammies. Where are my jammies?
Okay.
[gasps] Okay. Okay.
[Ava]
Hey! You wanna get something to eat later?
No, I'm stuffed!
What?
[grunts]
Victor.
You okay?
Look...
I'm just gonna come clean.
[panting] Uh... I had to...
find out how these vacuum bags work.
What they are doing today
with bag technology is fascinating.
You wanna watch me pack one?
Oh, God, more than anything.
You know, I always thought Brooke was just
a popular girl who did makeup tutorials,
but part of me suspected
she might actually be interesting.
I hope you didn't phrase it like that
in the video.
I found this thank you note
with a return address.
It wound up giving me a take
on Brooke's video résumé.
Wanted to show it to you
before I showed it to Brooke.
The person who knows Brooke Bishop best
is probably Brooke Bishop, but...
I don't love talking about myself.
[Stick] In that case, let's see
what others have to say about Brooke.
Brooke's been a wonderful mentor.
She's helped me fit in after being away
from Pasadena for years.
And she taught me how to dab.
And then she told me never to do it again
because it's over.
[Stick] Clearly, she helps her friends,
but let's see how she treats other people.
Brooke comes here
a couple mornings a month
when one of the women
at the shelter has a job interview.
She does our makeup.
But it's not just makeup.
What Brooke does changes how I see myself.
It's hard to keep your confidence
when you're homeless.
Brooke gave that back to me.
Also, she taught me how to dab.
[all] Thank you, Brooke!
[Stick]
Brooke has already touched a lot of lives,
and if she gets the internship with GEmS,
she'll be able to touch a lot more.
Brooke, is there anything else
you'd like the GEmS committee
to know about you?
I have hobbies.
Jumping rope, hula hoop,
finding the perfect gourmet doughnut.
[Stick]
Brooke Bishop, the intern of your future.
What do you think?
Amazing, brilliant.
And by that, I mean your video
and Brooke's life.
She never told me she did all that.
Yeah, that jump rope thing is amazing.
And the empowering homeless women thing,
too.
So, do you think Brooke'll like the video?
Oh, my God, are you kidding?
Oh, my God, are you kidding?
You love it that much, huh?
How did you find out about this?
Well, delete that part.
You can't use it.
What? Why?
If you want GEmS to see
who you really are, this does it.
Please, Stick, I really don't want
anyone finding out about this.
Why wouldn't you want people to see it?
It's awesome.
Because...
Because then, people will ask
why I help out at a homeless shelter.
-So?
-So...
I don't want to talk about the fact
that my aunt is homeless,
and my family doesn't know where she is.
I don't want to talk about the fact
that I tried to help her,
and I can't because it's complicated.
But nobody I know understands that
because nobody else I know has
a homeless relative.
Wow, Brooke, I had no idea.
Of course you had no idea,
because I don't talk about it.
Because... I'm ashamed.
I'm ashamed I can't help her, and...
it might not make any sense,
but it's how I feel.
I don't think you have anything
to be ashamed of and trust me,
[snorts] I'm the king of shame.
I think you should be proud.
Watching how you help those women
makes me want to help people, too.
A lot of people are all talk,
but you're not.
Thank you, Stick.
But don't worry, I understand.
If you don't want it in the video,
I'll take it out.
Wait.
Keep it.
You sure?
Yeah.
If what I did gets other people
to be involved, then...
I think I can let people know.
I think it's really cool.
I really appreciate this, Stick.
The video is amazing.
I had no idea how talented you are.
See? I'm more than just a guy
who wears dumb shirts.
They're not all dumb.
Just the one from the other day.
This one's kind of cute.
Thanks.
I'll let my mom know you like it.
-I buy all my own clothes.
-[laughing]
Even though Ashley didn't want
to be your girlfriend,
I can see you being
a really awesome boyfriend
for someone one day.
Thanks. You too.
I mean, girlfriend, not boyfriend.
Or... whatever you want.
There you are!
[exhales] Ashley, my life is over!
When I caught up with Bella,
I came clean about every lie
I've ever told her,
and now she never wants to see me again.
Yeah, but you guys break up all the time.
I'm sure it'll blow over.
No, this time it's for real.
She changed our Spotify password.
How many of those have you had?
I don't know, I've lost count.
One.
I'm sorry, Tad.
You did everything I said,
and nothing got better.
It's not your fault you couldn't help me.
Nothing can help me.
Tad, did that hurt?
Yeah, duh, my heart just got ripped out.
Not that.
You just threw a perfect pass.
Don't you see what just happened?
You can throw again. You're healed.
Doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt!
Oh! It's a miracle!
I don't know what you did, but it worked.
It's not what I did. It's what you did.
Right. What did I do again?
You came clean with Bella.
You were in a stressful situation,
and that was the action you took.
And now you'll be able to play
against South Pas Friday night!
Yes! But wait.
Bella won't be there.
If she's not there, I'll suck.
You saw how that works.
Tad, what I saw is that she told you
that you play better when she's there.
But maybe that's not how it really works.
But I did play better when she was there.
No, Tad, it just seemed that way.
But your data was faulty.
It's like...
people used to think that the Earth
was the center of the universe.
They were wrong.
Just like you thought Bella was the center
of your universe.
She's not.
Whoa.
I know Bella could be selfish
and demanding, but...
I always thought she was good for me.
I don't think a person
who stresses you out that much
is good for you.
I know I've never been in a relationship,
but I think it's important to be
with someone you can be honest with,
someone you can trust,
someone who makes you laugh,
someone you can really count on...
A person who knows what you need,
sometimes more than you do.
You can ask them to do anything,
and they'll do it...
no questions asked...
because they care about you.
[laughs]
Oh, yeah, like you could ever find someone
that nice.
Although, that does kind of sound
like Stick.
Man, he would be perfect for someone.
[laughs]
I did everything you told me to do,
and I still feel terrible.
You did not get rid of the mastodon.
How did you know?
It's right over there.
Are you serious about this or not?
Don't you want these feelings to go away?
I-- Well...
No.
I don't want these feelings to go away.
I think these gnawing, awful feelings...
might be love.
And I gotta tell Ava.
I sensed you didn't wanna release yourself
from this woman.
Why didn't you tell me?
You were not ready.
And I have bills to pay.
[laughs] You know, I can't tell
if you're magic or full of crap.
Hey, Ash.
What?
[laughs] Oh, hey.
You don't have to be magic to know
that one...
has got it bad.
[theme music playing]