The Expanding Universe of Ashley Garcia (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Spin, Doctor - full transcript
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Did I tell you Tad started following me
on Instagram?
That's great.
He also follows Oreos.
I'm telling you, Ash,
Tad's a heartbreaker.
Since he broke up with his girlfriend,
he's dated a lot of girls.
So, maybe instead of spending
all night obsessing over him,
why not come to a girls night
at my friend Madison's house?
I don't know.
I've never been to a girls night before.
I don't know any of the rituals.
I'm not part of the tribe.
You know, we're not sacrificing anyone.
We're just gonna hang out.
Maybe do a hair mask.
What's a hair mask?
The fact that you don't know is exactly
why you need to come to girls night.
Maybe I do need something else
to think about.
Perfect. You're gonna like my squad.
I get to be in a squad?
I am so into girls night!
I can't believe I resisted for a second.
Hey, tío,
can I go to Madison's for a girls night?
Probably just gonna watch a movie.
Chill movie night with your girls? Wait.
I'm a responsible guardian,
so I gotta ask.
There's no alcohol, right?
Only in the nail polish remover.
As long as you don't drink that,
my job as a parent figure here is done.
-Keep your phone on so I can reach you.
-I promise.
Okay.
Responsible, not controlling.
I'm killing it as a parent.
Up top, Victor!
Your uncle just high-fived himself.
He's lived alone for a long time.
Just thinking about girls night,
I'm already forgetting all about Tad.
Ahh.
[exhales]
Well, that's not helping.
-Hey.
-Hey.
Hi!
Thanks for helping me move
Ashley's bedroom furniture, guys.
Curl that bench on the way to the garage,
you can skip weights at practice.
Hmm. I didn't get to lift a bench.
You can bulk up by taking out my trash.
Yes! Thanks, Coach.
Are there any more football players
in Ashley's bedroom,
or can we finally go in there?
They're all done,
and they'll never be in there again.
Hey, Ash, can I talk to you for a second?
It wasn't my place to tell Tad not
to date you the other day.
Maybe he'll get a light concussion
and forget what you said.
Hopefully not.
It's a long season, and I need him.
But either way, I'm gonna fix it.
Thanks, tío.
So, Tad.
Enjoying the spaghetti I was saving
for dinner tonight?
Yeah. Delicious.
Listen, I wanted to talk to you
about my niece.
I know
I said not to try anything with Ashley,
but that was wrong of me.
So, you want me to try something with her?
No, no, no, I mean...
date her, don't date her.
So, date her and then stop. Got it.
No, not that, I meant,
do whatever you want with her. [gasps]
As long as it's what she wants.
And then don't tell me. Any questions?
Why no meatballs?
[theme music playing]
Okay, Ash. Quick review of my post,
"How to Fit In with a New Squad."
What are the ABCs?
A, ask questions.
-People love talking about themselves.
-Mm-hmm.
B, be relatable.
C, connect by doing something together.
And D?
-Don't worry. You're gonna crush it, girl.
-[sighs]
Oh, I just thought of an E.
Eeee! I'm so excited!
[both laugh]
This is so fun.
Thanks for having me, Madison.
No problem.
Brooke's told us so much about you.
-We wanted to meet you.
-Yeah.
Start with A, ask a question.
I so got this.
So, what's everyone's fastest time
doing the Rubik's Cube?
Not that question. Not that question.
Uh, what's everyone's favorite noble gas?
Favorite what?
[laughs] Mine's helium.
Connect, Ashley.
-Talk about... nails.
-Right.
It's so much fun connecting
by doing something together.
Specifically, our nails.
[laughs]
I've never gotten a manicure before.
Wait, never? Why not?
Let me be relatable with a story.
When I was eight,
I learned there's formaldehyde
and dibutyl phthalate in nail polish,
which are human carcinogens,
so that kind of killed my desire.
So, you're saying
we're going to get cancer from this?
Don't worry about nail polish.
Worry about your phone.
[laughs]
So many relatable things.
Stick edited together
the key defensive plays
that Jefferson likes to run.
Watch, I can cast from my phone
to the big screen.
Look how easy it is.
-[beeps]
-[Victor] Hmm. Hmm?
All right, guys, crowd around my phone.
[doorbell rings]
Stick, what are you doing here?
I was just in the neighborhood
and thought I'd drop off
some Daddio's pizza.
Bell peppers and olives.
That's Ashley's favorite. How did you--
Instagram. It's public knowledge.
It's not creepy.
Well, too bad she's not here.
She's not here?
I'll just leave it in her room, then.
-Oh, we'll help you with that.
-Pizza.
Stick, can you stay and help me get
the streamcast working?
Are you implying that I have no plans
and nothing better to do with my time?
Because I don't and I'd be happy to help.
Okay, I made a few mistakes in there.
But I really want
to get in with these girls.
What should I be talking about?
You know. Be relatable.
Keep it light.
Maybe just... don't talk about death.
All right, it's down to The Notebook
or Never Been Kissed.
Ooh, Never Been Kissed.
Ooh, I can relate to that.
I've never been kissed.
That's the name of a movie.
Hold on. You've never been kissed?
My vote's for The Notebook.
Ashley, aren't you curious?
I mean, do you want your first kiss?
Of course.
Then we'll help you. I know what we'll do.
We'll play spin the bottle.
Yes. It'll be so fun and retro.
Like Facebook.
And we'll be creating a moment
you'll never forget. [laughs]
We're basically dream makers.
I'm gonna borrow Ashley for a sec.
I know the girls are excited,
but are you cool with spin the bottle?
Absolutely. I'll get my first kiss,
and I'll be connecting with the squad.
Win-win.
-[laughing]
-There aren't any guys here.
Not to be too heteronormative,
but how are we gonna play spin the bottle?
We'll text all the boys in our grade.
I'll take the A's through J's.
-And I'll take the K through Z's.
- I'll take all the Dylans.
-[chattering]
-Hey, welcome.
[dance music playing]
Whoa. There are a lot of guys here.
See?
Tad Cameron isn't the only fish
in Pasadena.
It's a whole seafood buffet up in here.
Wow, my first high school party.
I should text my uncle.
Hang on.
You told your uncle
you were going to a girls night.
If he finds out that you're at a party,
he could show up and pull you out.
I don't wanna lie to my uncle.
But even if I don't tell him,
he could call me...
and I'd have to lie.
Unless...
You take my phone.
That way, I can't send or receive texts
from tío Victor.
So, I won't be lying to him.
Ashley, that's shady.
The student becomes the teacher.
Okay. Now I just have to reset the Wi-Fi.
Is your password still
"greatest kicker ever"?
Yes.
[laughing]
-[TV beeps]
-Nope.
[cell phone chimes]
Hey, Coach.
I just got invited to a party
at a girl's house
where they need more guys, so...
I'm gonna go do that.
Fine. I'm gonna stay here
and make spaghetti.
Nah, I'm joking. Get out of here.
Stick, you wanna come?
You're always saying
you wanna meet girls.
I do. I really do,
but you know I can't do parties.
I get too anxious.
I have a hard enough time talking
to girls,
but you throw a party into the mix,
and I melt into a sweaty, soggy mess.
You know, my mom says my pit stains
are like two pools of human desperation.
Dude, they're gone.
Oh, thank God.
Your turn, Ashley.
I love that we're making
this milestone happen for you. [laughs]
I love that we're connecting
by doing something relatable.
I'm so proud of you.
This is why I teach.
-Tad is in the house!
-Dude, how's it going?
Oh, my God! My mom's carpet.
-She's gonna find out I had people over.
-Oh, no.
Tonight was such a bad idea!
Madison, I'm so sorry!
She's gonna hate me, isn't she?
She's not gonna hate you,
but it's not great.
What am I gonna do?
Work on the stain.
I'll bump into someone so they spill
and make a bigger mess than yours.
Stick.
You said you'd help me fix my Wi-Fi
while I ate these mozzarella sticks.
We had an agreement.
Just checking Instagram.
Wait. Is that Brooke at a party?
Brooke's with Ashley
at a girls movie night.
Is that Ashley's shoulder?
She said she was gonna be
at a girls night,
but her shoulder is definitely at a party.
-Yeah, the one by all those red cups.
-Red cups.
-You know what that means.
-Hmm. Single-use plastics,
terrible for the planet.
No, it means booze.
I gotta call Ashley.
[vibrating]
-[rings]
-She's not answering.
She said she'd keep her phone on.
And now, all I know
is that she's somewhere in the city
at a drinking party.
I told my sister I'd be responsible.
What kind of parent figure am I?
Now there is no way to find her.
Um, she was tagged at Madison's house.
Good work, Stick.
Take me to Madison's house.
-Ow! Hey, my keys are in here.
-Walk it off.
Hey, Ash.
When I make a big mess,
I find that this always helps.
Wine? Sorry, Tad, I don't drink.
Drinking's never the answer.
Uh, have you tried it?
On stains?
Oh, my God, does that work?
It works like magic.
My family has
a lot of spillage experience.
We just have to wait three minutes.
Or four hours, I forget.
Thank you, Tad.
You're really sweet to help.
-No problem.
-[chimes]
I just like to-- crap!
-I gotta go.
-Why?
My ex-girlfriend says she's on her way.
We agreed we can never be
in the same room,
so wherever Bella wants to go,
I have to leave.
Why do you have to be the one to leave?
That's not fair.
That's what I said.
But then she explained it to me.
I was wrong.
You two should be able to be
in the same room together.
Oh, no. No, we made a deal.
We signed in napkin.
I break that contract, she'll get mad.
So? Why do you care
about what your ex thinks?
You're your own person.
What do you wanna do?
What kind of question is that?
Tad, seriously.
That's something you need to ask yourself.
Okay.
Do I need to answer myself?
[rings]
She's still not answering.
Call her again.
I've called her five times.
-I'm going in.
-Wait. What if she's not drinking?
Ash is in there trying to make friends.
If you burst into a party
and she's not doing anything bad,
you're gonna embarrass her.
You're right.
You go in there.
Me? I can't go in there.
Parties make me nervous.
Last time I went into a party...
I hid in the bathroom for three hours.
Don't think of it as a party.
It's a mission. With snacks.
A mission... with snacks.
I hope they have Chex Mix.
Go in there and find out.
And when you're inside,
get eyes on Ashley,
make sure she's not doing anything bad,
and get out.
I'll do it. For Ashley.
Here I go. Nothing can stop me.
-Can you turn off the child lock?
-It's not on. The door's just heavy.
And then, the ER doctor pulled
all the Jelly Bellies out of my nose.
Oh, my gosh,
I love your childhood stories.
That was last week.
-What is it?
-Bella's here.
[laughing]
Tad, this is your chance
to break that dumb contract.
-Just go say hi.
-[scoffs] Say hi to Bella?
Oh, that's right.
You don't go to our school.
Yeah, you don't know how bad
our breakup was.
If it was that bad,
why were you guys ever together?
Because... it was also really good.
As long as we don't remember
how good it was, we're okay.
But you just told me how good it was.
Don't remind me.
Tad!
What are you doing here?
Hey, look.
They have a kitchen.
[panting]
I can handle this. Not a party.
I'm on a mission. I'm on a mission. Yeah.
Hey, Stick. You came to my party.
If you need to hide in the bathroom,
it's that way.
Thank you.
Tad.
You can't hide here from Bella all night.
I'm not hiding.
I'm getting some extra squats in.
She can't be that scary.
-Hi.
-[shouts]
Who are you?
This is Ashley Garcia.
She's super smart.
She has a PhD,
and she's building robots to go to Mars.
And she's nice,
and she might save life on Earth
or maybe just invent a better way
to brush your teeth or something.
Who knows?
Oh. It's nice to meet you.
Tad, we had a deal,
but you didn't hold up your end.
Every time we break up,
I have to explain it to you again.
[sighs] I know we have a binding contract
on a Jersey Mike's napkin.
But tonight, I asked myself,
"What do I really wanna do?"
Bella...
what I really want is to stay.
Here.
We gotta learn how to be
in the same room together.
Fine, whatever.
That was great.
You totally stood up for yourself.
Wow! I've never won an argument before.
That felt... awesome.
Thank you. I...
I couldn't have done it without you.
What? It was all you.
You're the one who stood up to her.
Yeah. I guess I did.
Yeah, you did.
You have an eyelash.
Circle up, everyone.
Spin the bottle is starting back up.
Stain's gone.
I'm so sorry about your mom's rug.
Don't worry. Besides, she's my stepmom.
We cleared everything off the table,
so nothing can go wrong this time.
This is so exciting.
We're gonna get you kissed.
Are you ready?
Actually, I was...
They have spaghetti!
Tad, come on.
We're about to play spin the bottle.
More girls will play if you're playing.
Please.
Well, I don't wanna let anyone down.
Ashley, come on.
You can pick
what your first kiss tastes like.
What are you talking about?
Cherry, bubblegum, pink lemonade, bacon.
Stick, what are you doing here?
I'm looking for Ashley.
I thought I saw her
from the bathroom window,
so I went outside, and I ran after her.
Turns out, it was an 80-year-old woman
walking a chihuahua.
She almost tased me.
Sounds like you deserved it.
Anyway, better text Coach Garcia
-and tell him Ashley's nowhere to be seen.
-No, no, no.
Ashley's here.
She's about to play spin the bottle.
You could stay and play
instead of just being a narc.
-I don't know.
-You'll love spin the bottle.
It's the great equalizer.
Girls kiss you
even if they don't like you.
Say I did play this game...
What would I tell Coach?
Why would you tell Coach?
I'm on a mission for him. He's gonna call,
and I have to tell him what's up.
Unless you don't hear your phone
when he calls.
Spin the bottle, round two, is happening.
Hey, Stick. You go first.
You're gonna go.
It's okay.
You did great, man.
Better than I thought I would.
It's your spin, Doctor.
We're so happy for you.
-You ready for your first kiss?
-Here goes.
Um... hey, look.
[laughs] They have a kitchen.
Nothing? Come on, Stick, answer me.
-[clicks]
-[rings]
-Hey, what's up, man?
-Nico, I need your advice.
Ashley's not responding to my texts,
and I think she's at a party.
I'm outside on the porch. Should I go in?
Dude. You're on the porch?
That's pathetic.
-Help me out. What do I do?
-All right, listen, dude.
Rule number one of parenting:
keep your cool.
Diego,
if you spray-paint your brother again,
I swear I'm gonna burn the house down.
Sometimes,
you gotta put the fear of God in them.
But lucky for you,
this isn't one of those times.
My advice--
Get the possum out of the kitchen!
-What?
-Sorry, that wasn't for you.
Look, she's a good kid.
Okay? Just, whatever you do,
wait at least two hours
-before doing anything.
- Are you sure about--
Would you just listen to me?
Wow. You are really tough on your kids.
That was to you.
Good luck, dude.
¿Frankie, qué estás hacie--
Ashley, are you okay?
We put on this whole party
for you to get kissed
and then you just ran out?
I'm so sorry.
I think I only agreed
to play spin the bottle
because you guys were so excited about it.
And you were being so sweet to me.
I just wanted to be a part of the group.
But I realized...
I don't want my first kiss to come
from some random spin of a bottle.
I want my first kiss to be...
romantic.
With someone I've had moments with.
We'll look into each other's eyes,
and the whole world will just melt away.
And it'll be a moment we remember forever.
Oh, that's so sweet.
I wish my first kiss had been like that.
Me too. Mine was behind a dumpster.
It's okay.
You know, it's actually kind of cute
that you're holding out
for a romantic kiss like that.
I hope you get it.
Thanks.
You are so in with these girls.
[laughing]
-Ashley.
-[gasping]
Why didn't you answer my calls or texts?
I got worried about you.
Tío Victor, what are you doing here?
I'm breaking this party up.
Everybody, cups down!
You don't have to do this.
Yes, I do, and it's for your own good.
Your parents are all finding out
about this.
You think I don't know what red cups mean?
I know what's in there.
[sniffs]
Mountain Dew?
Root beer?
Iced tea? What kind of party is this?
An embarrassing one.
Will you please leave?
I know one of these has booze in it.
Ugh. Chicken soup?
Sorry.
I think I'm coming down with something.
[laughs] This isn't the kind of party
I thought it was.
Even though there's no alcohol,
you and I still need to talk.
-Can we talk about this later?
-Right.
Later. At home. By 11.
Right.
Stick, you abandoned the mission.
What happened?
Spin the bottle.
Ah. The great equalizer. Understood.
I can't believe my uncle showed up
like that.
I was so close to being in a girls squad.
Now I'm out forever.
Maybe no one noticed.
OMG, everybody saw that.
[laughs] How embarrassing.
Yeah, like when my dad showed up
to my 15th birthday party
and did his Borat impression.
Or when my mom dropped me off at camp
and screamed, "Have a lit summer."
Or when my grandpa came
to the bowling alley
with a box of tampons.
I wanted to disappear.
Yeah. Don't worry.
Having your family show up
and totally blow up your spot
has happened to everyone here.
Really?
For sure.
Hey, we're gonna get back to the party.
See you in there.
Welcome to the squad.
You're in. I'm so happy.
God, this night has been so amazing.
I made it into the squad.
I helped Tad stand up to Bella
-and then we had a moment.
-Ash, that's huge.
Wait, I thought you said
Tad and I could never happen.
Well, if you guys had a moment
that inspired that kiss speech,
then I'm on board. [laughs]
-Really?
-Yeah.
Let's get you back out there.
Maybe your night with Tad isn't over yet.
I'm so glad my first kiss with Tad
wasn't some stupid spin the bottle kiss.
It would've meant nothing.
Are they really gonna do this?
They hate each other.
[gasping]
Hey, it's just some stupid bottle kiss.
It means nothing.
Wow. I'd almost forgotten
how good we are together.
Yeah. Me too.
[sighs] Honestly, I can't even remember
why we broke up.
I can, but I don't care.
I missed you, cuddle puddle.
I missed you more, snickerdoodle.
Glad I could help them figure out how
to be in the same room together.
Yay, me.
[video game beeping]
-Ash.
-[clicks]
Hey.
Look, I'm sorry I embarrassed you,
but we gotta set some ground rules.
I'm responsible for you.
You gotta tell me where you are,
and you gotta get back to me
when I text you.
Yes, tío.
When I don't hear from you,
my head goes to some weird places.
Yes, tío.
You gotta promise me
this won't happen again.
Oh, now you can check your phone?
When I'm standing right here,
talking to you?
[vibrates]
You know, I'm standing right here.
You don't have to text me.
Yeah, but some things are easier said
-with emojis.
-Come here.
By the way,
do you know what the Wi-Fi password is?
"Greatest uncle ever." I changed it.
[beeps]
That's not it.
[theme music playing]
The coolest way to improve your English
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Did I tell you Tad started following me
on Instagram?
That's great.
He also follows Oreos.
I'm telling you, Ash,
Tad's a heartbreaker.
Since he broke up with his girlfriend,
he's dated a lot of girls.
So, maybe instead of spending
all night obsessing over him,
why not come to a girls night
at my friend Madison's house?
I don't know.
I've never been to a girls night before.
I don't know any of the rituals.
I'm not part of the tribe.
You know, we're not sacrificing anyone.
We're just gonna hang out.
Maybe do a hair mask.
What's a hair mask?
The fact that you don't know is exactly
why you need to come to girls night.
Maybe I do need something else
to think about.
Perfect. You're gonna like my squad.
I get to be in a squad?
I am so into girls night!
I can't believe I resisted for a second.
Hey, tío,
can I go to Madison's for a girls night?
Probably just gonna watch a movie.
Chill movie night with your girls? Wait.
I'm a responsible guardian,
so I gotta ask.
There's no alcohol, right?
Only in the nail polish remover.
As long as you don't drink that,
my job as a parent figure here is done.
-Keep your phone on so I can reach you.
-I promise.
Okay.
Responsible, not controlling.
I'm killing it as a parent.
Up top, Victor!
Your uncle just high-fived himself.
He's lived alone for a long time.
Just thinking about girls night,
I'm already forgetting all about Tad.
Ahh.
[exhales]
Well, that's not helping.
-Hey.
-Hey.
Hi!
Thanks for helping me move
Ashley's bedroom furniture, guys.
Curl that bench on the way to the garage,
you can skip weights at practice.
Hmm. I didn't get to lift a bench.
You can bulk up by taking out my trash.
Yes! Thanks, Coach.
Are there any more football players
in Ashley's bedroom,
or can we finally go in there?
They're all done,
and they'll never be in there again.
Hey, Ash, can I talk to you for a second?
It wasn't my place to tell Tad not
to date you the other day.
Maybe he'll get a light concussion
and forget what you said.
Hopefully not.
It's a long season, and I need him.
But either way, I'm gonna fix it.
Thanks, tío.
So, Tad.
Enjoying the spaghetti I was saving
for dinner tonight?
Yeah. Delicious.
Listen, I wanted to talk to you
about my niece.
I know
I said not to try anything with Ashley,
but that was wrong of me.
So, you want me to try something with her?
No, no, no, I mean...
date her, don't date her.
So, date her and then stop. Got it.
No, not that, I meant,
do whatever you want with her. [gasps]
As long as it's what she wants.
And then don't tell me. Any questions?
Why no meatballs?
[theme music playing]
Okay, Ash. Quick review of my post,
"How to Fit In with a New Squad."
What are the ABCs?
A, ask questions.
-People love talking about themselves.
-Mm-hmm.
B, be relatable.
C, connect by doing something together.
And D?
-Don't worry. You're gonna crush it, girl.
-[sighs]
Oh, I just thought of an E.
Eeee! I'm so excited!
[both laugh]
This is so fun.
Thanks for having me, Madison.
No problem.
Brooke's told us so much about you.
-We wanted to meet you.
-Yeah.
Start with A, ask a question.
I so got this.
So, what's everyone's fastest time
doing the Rubik's Cube?
Not that question. Not that question.
Uh, what's everyone's favorite noble gas?
Favorite what?
[laughs] Mine's helium.
Connect, Ashley.
-Talk about... nails.
-Right.
It's so much fun connecting
by doing something together.
Specifically, our nails.
[laughs]
I've never gotten a manicure before.
Wait, never? Why not?
Let me be relatable with a story.
When I was eight,
I learned there's formaldehyde
and dibutyl phthalate in nail polish,
which are human carcinogens,
so that kind of killed my desire.
So, you're saying
we're going to get cancer from this?
Don't worry about nail polish.
Worry about your phone.
[laughs]
So many relatable things.
Stick edited together
the key defensive plays
that Jefferson likes to run.
Watch, I can cast from my phone
to the big screen.
Look how easy it is.
-[beeps]
-[Victor] Hmm. Hmm?
All right, guys, crowd around my phone.
[doorbell rings]
Stick, what are you doing here?
I was just in the neighborhood
and thought I'd drop off
some Daddio's pizza.
Bell peppers and olives.
That's Ashley's favorite. How did you--
Instagram. It's public knowledge.
It's not creepy.
Well, too bad she's not here.
She's not here?
I'll just leave it in her room, then.
-Oh, we'll help you with that.
-Pizza.
Stick, can you stay and help me get
the streamcast working?
Are you implying that I have no plans
and nothing better to do with my time?
Because I don't and I'd be happy to help.
Okay, I made a few mistakes in there.
But I really want
to get in with these girls.
What should I be talking about?
You know. Be relatable.
Keep it light.
Maybe just... don't talk about death.
All right, it's down to The Notebook
or Never Been Kissed.
Ooh, Never Been Kissed.
Ooh, I can relate to that.
I've never been kissed.
That's the name of a movie.
Hold on. You've never been kissed?
My vote's for The Notebook.
Ashley, aren't you curious?
I mean, do you want your first kiss?
Of course.
Then we'll help you. I know what we'll do.
We'll play spin the bottle.
Yes. It'll be so fun and retro.
Like Facebook.
And we'll be creating a moment
you'll never forget. [laughs]
We're basically dream makers.
I'm gonna borrow Ashley for a sec.
I know the girls are excited,
but are you cool with spin the bottle?
Absolutely. I'll get my first kiss,
and I'll be connecting with the squad.
Win-win.
-[laughing]
-There aren't any guys here.
Not to be too heteronormative,
but how are we gonna play spin the bottle?
We'll text all the boys in our grade.
I'll take the A's through J's.
-And I'll take the K through Z's.
- I'll take all the Dylans.
-[chattering]
-Hey, welcome.
[dance music playing]
Whoa. There are a lot of guys here.
See?
Tad Cameron isn't the only fish
in Pasadena.
It's a whole seafood buffet up in here.
Wow, my first high school party.
I should text my uncle.
Hang on.
You told your uncle
you were going to a girls night.
If he finds out that you're at a party,
he could show up and pull you out.
I don't wanna lie to my uncle.
But even if I don't tell him,
he could call me...
and I'd have to lie.
Unless...
You take my phone.
That way, I can't send or receive texts
from tío Victor.
So, I won't be lying to him.
Ashley, that's shady.
The student becomes the teacher.
Okay. Now I just have to reset the Wi-Fi.
Is your password still
"greatest kicker ever"?
Yes.
[laughing]
-[TV beeps]
-Nope.
[cell phone chimes]
Hey, Coach.
I just got invited to a party
at a girl's house
where they need more guys, so...
I'm gonna go do that.
Fine. I'm gonna stay here
and make spaghetti.
Nah, I'm joking. Get out of here.
Stick, you wanna come?
You're always saying
you wanna meet girls.
I do. I really do,
but you know I can't do parties.
I get too anxious.
I have a hard enough time talking
to girls,
but you throw a party into the mix,
and I melt into a sweaty, soggy mess.
You know, my mom says my pit stains
are like two pools of human desperation.
Dude, they're gone.
Oh, thank God.
Your turn, Ashley.
I love that we're making
this milestone happen for you. [laughs]
I love that we're connecting
by doing something relatable.
I'm so proud of you.
This is why I teach.
-Tad is in the house!
-Dude, how's it going?
Oh, my God! My mom's carpet.
-She's gonna find out I had people over.
-Oh, no.
Tonight was such a bad idea!
Madison, I'm so sorry!
She's gonna hate me, isn't she?
She's not gonna hate you,
but it's not great.
What am I gonna do?
Work on the stain.
I'll bump into someone so they spill
and make a bigger mess than yours.
Stick.
You said you'd help me fix my Wi-Fi
while I ate these mozzarella sticks.
We had an agreement.
Just checking Instagram.
Wait. Is that Brooke at a party?
Brooke's with Ashley
at a girls movie night.
Is that Ashley's shoulder?
She said she was gonna be
at a girls night,
but her shoulder is definitely at a party.
-Yeah, the one by all those red cups.
-Red cups.
-You know what that means.
-Hmm. Single-use plastics,
terrible for the planet.
No, it means booze.
I gotta call Ashley.
[vibrating]
-[rings]
-She's not answering.
She said she'd keep her phone on.
And now, all I know
is that she's somewhere in the city
at a drinking party.
I told my sister I'd be responsible.
What kind of parent figure am I?
Now there is no way to find her.
Um, she was tagged at Madison's house.
Good work, Stick.
Take me to Madison's house.
-Ow! Hey, my keys are in here.
-Walk it off.
Hey, Ash.
When I make a big mess,
I find that this always helps.
Wine? Sorry, Tad, I don't drink.
Drinking's never the answer.
Uh, have you tried it?
On stains?
Oh, my God, does that work?
It works like magic.
My family has
a lot of spillage experience.
We just have to wait three minutes.
Or four hours, I forget.
Thank you, Tad.
You're really sweet to help.
-No problem.
-[chimes]
I just like to-- crap!
-I gotta go.
-Why?
My ex-girlfriend says she's on her way.
We agreed we can never be
in the same room,
so wherever Bella wants to go,
I have to leave.
Why do you have to be the one to leave?
That's not fair.
That's what I said.
But then she explained it to me.
I was wrong.
You two should be able to be
in the same room together.
Oh, no. No, we made a deal.
We signed in napkin.
I break that contract, she'll get mad.
So? Why do you care
about what your ex thinks?
You're your own person.
What do you wanna do?
What kind of question is that?
Tad, seriously.
That's something you need to ask yourself.
Okay.
Do I need to answer myself?
[rings]
She's still not answering.
Call her again.
I've called her five times.
-I'm going in.
-Wait. What if she's not drinking?
Ash is in there trying to make friends.
If you burst into a party
and she's not doing anything bad,
you're gonna embarrass her.
You're right.
You go in there.
Me? I can't go in there.
Parties make me nervous.
Last time I went into a party...
I hid in the bathroom for three hours.
Don't think of it as a party.
It's a mission. With snacks.
A mission... with snacks.
I hope they have Chex Mix.
Go in there and find out.
And when you're inside,
get eyes on Ashley,
make sure she's not doing anything bad,
and get out.
I'll do it. For Ashley.
Here I go. Nothing can stop me.
-Can you turn off the child lock?
-It's not on. The door's just heavy.
And then, the ER doctor pulled
all the Jelly Bellies out of my nose.
Oh, my gosh,
I love your childhood stories.
That was last week.
-What is it?
-Bella's here.
[laughing]
Tad, this is your chance
to break that dumb contract.
-Just go say hi.
-[scoffs] Say hi to Bella?
Oh, that's right.
You don't go to our school.
Yeah, you don't know how bad
our breakup was.
If it was that bad,
why were you guys ever together?
Because... it was also really good.
As long as we don't remember
how good it was, we're okay.
But you just told me how good it was.
Don't remind me.
Tad!
What are you doing here?
Hey, look.
They have a kitchen.
[panting]
I can handle this. Not a party.
I'm on a mission. I'm on a mission. Yeah.
Hey, Stick. You came to my party.
If you need to hide in the bathroom,
it's that way.
Thank you.
Tad.
You can't hide here from Bella all night.
I'm not hiding.
I'm getting some extra squats in.
She can't be that scary.
-Hi.
-[shouts]
Who are you?
This is Ashley Garcia.
She's super smart.
She has a PhD,
and she's building robots to go to Mars.
And she's nice,
and she might save life on Earth
or maybe just invent a better way
to brush your teeth or something.
Who knows?
Oh. It's nice to meet you.
Tad, we had a deal,
but you didn't hold up your end.
Every time we break up,
I have to explain it to you again.
[sighs] I know we have a binding contract
on a Jersey Mike's napkin.
But tonight, I asked myself,
"What do I really wanna do?"
Bella...
what I really want is to stay.
Here.
We gotta learn how to be
in the same room together.
Fine, whatever.
That was great.
You totally stood up for yourself.
Wow! I've never won an argument before.
That felt... awesome.
Thank you. I...
I couldn't have done it without you.
What? It was all you.
You're the one who stood up to her.
Yeah. I guess I did.
Yeah, you did.
You have an eyelash.
Circle up, everyone.
Spin the bottle is starting back up.
Stain's gone.
I'm so sorry about your mom's rug.
Don't worry. Besides, she's my stepmom.
We cleared everything off the table,
so nothing can go wrong this time.
This is so exciting.
We're gonna get you kissed.
Are you ready?
Actually, I was...
They have spaghetti!
Tad, come on.
We're about to play spin the bottle.
More girls will play if you're playing.
Please.
Well, I don't wanna let anyone down.
Ashley, come on.
You can pick
what your first kiss tastes like.
What are you talking about?
Cherry, bubblegum, pink lemonade, bacon.
Stick, what are you doing here?
I'm looking for Ashley.
I thought I saw her
from the bathroom window,
so I went outside, and I ran after her.
Turns out, it was an 80-year-old woman
walking a chihuahua.
She almost tased me.
Sounds like you deserved it.
Anyway, better text Coach Garcia
-and tell him Ashley's nowhere to be seen.
-No, no, no.
Ashley's here.
She's about to play spin the bottle.
You could stay and play
instead of just being a narc.
-I don't know.
-You'll love spin the bottle.
It's the great equalizer.
Girls kiss you
even if they don't like you.
Say I did play this game...
What would I tell Coach?
Why would you tell Coach?
I'm on a mission for him. He's gonna call,
and I have to tell him what's up.
Unless you don't hear your phone
when he calls.
Spin the bottle, round two, is happening.
Hey, Stick. You go first.
You're gonna go.
It's okay.
You did great, man.
Better than I thought I would.
It's your spin, Doctor.
We're so happy for you.
-You ready for your first kiss?
-Here goes.
Um... hey, look.
[laughs] They have a kitchen.
Nothing? Come on, Stick, answer me.
-[clicks]
-[rings]
-Hey, what's up, man?
-Nico, I need your advice.
Ashley's not responding to my texts,
and I think she's at a party.
I'm outside on the porch. Should I go in?
Dude. You're on the porch?
That's pathetic.
-Help me out. What do I do?
-All right, listen, dude.
Rule number one of parenting:
keep your cool.
Diego,
if you spray-paint your brother again,
I swear I'm gonna burn the house down.
Sometimes,
you gotta put the fear of God in them.
But lucky for you,
this isn't one of those times.
My advice--
Get the possum out of the kitchen!
-What?
-Sorry, that wasn't for you.
Look, she's a good kid.
Okay? Just, whatever you do,
wait at least two hours
-before doing anything.
- Are you sure about--
Would you just listen to me?
Wow. You are really tough on your kids.
That was to you.
Good luck, dude.
¿Frankie, qué estás hacie--
Ashley, are you okay?
We put on this whole party
for you to get kissed
and then you just ran out?
I'm so sorry.
I think I only agreed
to play spin the bottle
because you guys were so excited about it.
And you were being so sweet to me.
I just wanted to be a part of the group.
But I realized...
I don't want my first kiss to come
from some random spin of a bottle.
I want my first kiss to be...
romantic.
With someone I've had moments with.
We'll look into each other's eyes,
and the whole world will just melt away.
And it'll be a moment we remember forever.
Oh, that's so sweet.
I wish my first kiss had been like that.
Me too. Mine was behind a dumpster.
It's okay.
You know, it's actually kind of cute
that you're holding out
for a romantic kiss like that.
I hope you get it.
Thanks.
You are so in with these girls.
[laughing]
-Ashley.
-[gasping]
Why didn't you answer my calls or texts?
I got worried about you.
Tío Victor, what are you doing here?
I'm breaking this party up.
Everybody, cups down!
You don't have to do this.
Yes, I do, and it's for your own good.
Your parents are all finding out
about this.
You think I don't know what red cups mean?
I know what's in there.
[sniffs]
Mountain Dew?
Root beer?
Iced tea? What kind of party is this?
An embarrassing one.
Will you please leave?
I know one of these has booze in it.
Ugh. Chicken soup?
Sorry.
I think I'm coming down with something.
[laughs] This isn't the kind of party
I thought it was.
Even though there's no alcohol,
you and I still need to talk.
-Can we talk about this later?
-Right.
Later. At home. By 11.
Right.
Stick, you abandoned the mission.
What happened?
Spin the bottle.
Ah. The great equalizer. Understood.
I can't believe my uncle showed up
like that.
I was so close to being in a girls squad.
Now I'm out forever.
Maybe no one noticed.
OMG, everybody saw that.
[laughs] How embarrassing.
Yeah, like when my dad showed up
to my 15th birthday party
and did his Borat impression.
Or when my mom dropped me off at camp
and screamed, "Have a lit summer."
Or when my grandpa came
to the bowling alley
with a box of tampons.
I wanted to disappear.
Yeah. Don't worry.
Having your family show up
and totally blow up your spot
has happened to everyone here.
Really?
For sure.
Hey, we're gonna get back to the party.
See you in there.
Welcome to the squad.
You're in. I'm so happy.
God, this night has been so amazing.
I made it into the squad.
I helped Tad stand up to Bella
-and then we had a moment.
-Ash, that's huge.
Wait, I thought you said
Tad and I could never happen.
Well, if you guys had a moment
that inspired that kiss speech,
then I'm on board. [laughs]
-Really?
-Yeah.
Let's get you back out there.
Maybe your night with Tad isn't over yet.
I'm so glad my first kiss with Tad
wasn't some stupid spin the bottle kiss.
It would've meant nothing.
Are they really gonna do this?
They hate each other.
[gasping]
Hey, it's just some stupid bottle kiss.
It means nothing.
Wow. I'd almost forgotten
how good we are together.
Yeah. Me too.
[sighs] Honestly, I can't even remember
why we broke up.
I can, but I don't care.
I missed you, cuddle puddle.
I missed you more, snickerdoodle.
Glad I could help them figure out how
to be in the same room together.
Yay, me.
[video game beeping]
-Ash.
-[clicks]
Hey.
Look, I'm sorry I embarrassed you,
but we gotta set some ground rules.
I'm responsible for you.
You gotta tell me where you are,
and you gotta get back to me
when I text you.
Yes, tío.
When I don't hear from you,
my head goes to some weird places.
Yes, tío.
You gotta promise me
this won't happen again.
Oh, now you can check your phone?
When I'm standing right here,
talking to you?
[vibrates]
You know, I'm standing right here.
You don't have to text me.
Yeah, but some things are easier said
-with emojis.
-Come here.
By the way,
do you know what the Wi-Fi password is?
"Greatest uncle ever." I changed it.
[beeps]
That's not it.
[theme music playing]
The coolest way to improve your English
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