The Ex-Wife (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript

We're sold a lie from birth.

The idea that there are
good people and bad people.

But there aren't.

We all have the
best of intentions.

We need some help!

Love can justify
almost anything.

If you believe in
it hard enough.

It can make us all
do terrible things.

Hey you.


Yeah, coming.

No, of course. Of course.

No, I understand.

No, she'll be fine.

She'll be fine.

It'll be fine.

I'll make it fine.

Just leave it up to me.

Yeah, no. I'll tell her myself.

No, I think I'll wait and
tell her in the morning.

Because tonight's our
wedding anniversary, Jen.

No, not ours.
Mine and Tasha's.

All right. Yeah.

You know?

No, I appreciate the call.

All right. Okay.

I'm going now. Bye bye.

- You don't wanna know.
- I do. Tell me.

Look at this.

What have I done
to deserve this?

Emily's asleep.

One story. Milk. Conked out.

So what was she saying?

She called about my sister.

- Hayley?
- Mm-hm.

A heads up.

Wine first, I think.

Oh, a heads up... Tonight.

She knows exactly when
we got married, Jack.

Trust me.

So what was she
saying about Hayley?

Well, apparently she wants
us to be Ethan's godparents.

Oh, wow. That's so nice.

No, sorry.

Me and Jen - she wants me and
Jen to be Ethan's godparents.

- Hence the heads up.
- Oh yeah.

Wait, your sister wants
you and your ex-wife

To be her only
child's godparents?

And i'm...

You're auntie Tash.

They definitely want you there.

It's just Jen and Hayley have
been best friends for 20 years.

All right.

Okay. Okay.

I know it's not the most
glamorous wedding anniversary gift

and I know you hate
receiving handouts.

It's always in the
back of your head.

Now it's gone.

The rest of my student loan.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Fuck!

Fucking idiots.

Thanks for all your
fucking help.. Nice one.

I said you needed a criminal
lawyer, not a media one.

Why didn't you hammer home
the mitigating circumstances.

That's all you
needed to... Oh.

Didn't do mitigating because
they didn't play well.

How would bringing
that up have helped us?

I don't know. You're the one
arguing the case, not me.

Now I can't even drive
my wife and child home.

So thank you.

Look what you've done
to my baby, prick.

- Look.
- Well, I gotta dash, mate.

We'll talk later, yeah?
Still on for climbing Friday?

- Yeah, of course.


Yeah. Could you get someone from
the office to pick me up please?

- Let's go!
- Yeah, anybody who's free.

Yes, they banned
me for three years.


Tasha? Jen's here.

Oh god.

Look! Look!

It'd daddy's ex-wife... Again.

Who's afraid of
the big, bad wolf?

The big bad...

- Hey.
- - You smell fabulous.

Wait, did I buy you that?


I brought your favorite.

Oh, I haven't had this in ages.

This is fancy. Thank you.

- Thank you so much.
- I knew you'd love it.

You love your reds.

Hi. How's it going?

Hi. How are you?

Oh, you poor thing.

A three-year driving ban?

God, that's outrageous.

And Tasha can't drive
either, can she?

Oh, I can drive.

I just, I don't have a license.

Wait, Jack, how are you
gonna get to the christening?

- We'll just get the train.

The train on a Sunday?

Jack hates the train.

Plus the station is
nowhere near the church.

Well, I guess we'll have
to rethink going then.

Or Jack, maybe you can go and I'll
just stay behind here with Emily.

No, no.

Then Jack's mum and
dad will miss out.

God, they'll be heartbroken
if they don't get a squeeze.

Listen, why don't I
just drive us all?

I mean, I've certainly
got the space.

Problem solved.

You know the church we're going
to is where I was christened?

- Seriously?
- - Yeah.

Do you think they
still remember you?

It was such a long time ago.

Hey, we're practically
the same age.

Oh, this is gonna be so fun.

And I have the perfect playlist.

Oh god. Brace yourselves.

You remember this song, right?

- Oh shit!
- Yes!

- Do you remember when we were
in that beach bar in mykonos?

- This is all they played.
- Yes.

They only had one
cd, I'm sure of it.

Of course I remember.

And the waitress who
kept dropping our drinks.

Oh yeah!

And you wondered why
I didn't tip her.

Oh, she was so sweet.

Absolutely ruined your
shirt though. Remember?

Listen, you know how my
dad loves a little dance.

- Yes.
- He will probably wanna...


Any news?

Sam, the interview
was last week.

They're not gonna give me a
full-time position that quickly.


'Cause it is a proper
job with proper grownups

and proper grownup money.

- Okay.

I mean, I'm no employment guru,

but I'd say probably don't
tell people at the coffee shop

You think it's a fake job?

Or you'll end up like me,
gaming in your boxers.

Yeah. You're living your
best life though, right?

Continue. See you tonight.

Yes. Okay. Yeah.

All right, later.

You okay?

Can you hear me?

Call an ambulance.

Oh, no, I'm okay. I'm fine.

Actually, I've gotta get to work.
- No, no.

I don't think you should move.
You might have a back injury.

No, I'm pretty sure I don't.

I'm so sorry. I didn't see.

You popped out nowhere and...

Yeah. Alright. Alright.

If you can move, we should
probably get you off the road.

- Yep.
- Come on.

Here, let me help.
Let me help you up.

Thank you.

You all right? Can you walk?


Can you walk?

- Do you want an arm?
- No.

Fuck's sake.

- Here.
- Thanks.

You don't have the time, do you?


- Why? Work?
- Yeah.

Well, I can call them
and explain everything.

Okay. Yeah, actually that'd
be really good, thank you.

- Okay.
- Fuck...

Sorry. Do you mind just...

Oh, yeah. Okay.

Ah, fuck!


Do I have to get this
checked out or...

No, it just needs
cleaning, that's all.

Listen, I live 15
minutes that way.

So if you like, I'm happy to...

I'll get you fixed up.
I'll put that in the boot.

I'll get that fixed up.

I'll throw in a cup of tea
and a taxi home if you like.

- Okay. Okay. Yeah.
- Sure?

- Thank you. Yeah.

Kay. Come on in.

I think I've got a
first-aid kit... somewhere.

Not bad.

Thank you.

Here. I'll leave
this here for you.

- Tea?
- Yeah, please.

You all right there?


All right?


Yes, please.

That's the fridge.


So listen. I'm happy to pay
for your bike to get repaired.

Or if you prefer, I
can just give you cash.

You could get a new one.

Is 400 quid...

I dunno how much they cost.

What about my smashed phone?

Cost like a grand.

Did it?

No, not really.

It's refurbished.

800 will cover everything.

That'll do.


No, come on.

We start with this.

Here we go.

It's gonna sting.

Doesn't sting?

Is that your wife?

Yep. That's Jen.

She's very young.

We both were.

Here, swap.


How are the war wounds?


Yeah, they're healing
up nicely. Thanks.

Good, good.

Listen, I've got a meeting in town,
but I should be done by about 6:00.

So if you're free, we could
get an early dinner maybe.

As a thank you. Or a sorry.

I've gotta check on
that arm, haven't I?


This is just a sorry, right?

Of course.

So graphic design... I know
what it is, but what is it?

It's an umbrella term, really.

But personally I'm into
pictographs or pictograms.

And so now pretend that
I have absolutely no idea

what you're talking about.

They're images that
we all agree on.

Like road signs or...
Labels or... warnings.

Their meaning has
to be crystal clear,

unambiguous, purely functional.

And, right. And you like that?

What? Functionality?

Lack of ambiguity.

Yeah. I do.


Here we are.

And yours. Enjoy.

You can ask about
her. It's fine.

What does she do?

Interior design.

It's like hotels
and restaurants.

Couple of bars.

She loves it.

She's very good, she's
pretty sought after.

Well, that explains why
your house is so beautiful.

No kids?

No, no. No kids.

Okay. There was a bit
of a problem there.

And ivf didn't,
wasn't working, so...

She can't.

- Oh, she can't.
- No.

I'm sorry. Is this too much?

No, no, no, no. Of course not.

I just, I don't really wanna
bombard you with all of this stuff.

It's not your problem,
it's, my marriage is...

We've been together a really long
time and we've been through a lot.

And I wanted to make her happy.

I tried to make
her happy, but...

Life doesn't always work
out that way, you know?

You can't force someone to be
happy if fundamentally they're...

It's okay for you to
want to be happy, Jack.

Jen's agreed to a
trial separation.

It's nothing big now,
it's just separate rooms.

So we can think about
what we actually want.

And you can see other people?

If that's what I want.

Is it something you might want?

Is it something you want?

That was three months ago.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you.

And you did the test yesterday?

It estimates about seven weeks.

I did the entire pack.

Well, that's two months ago.

So when we...

- You and him...
- It's not yours, Sam.

Please don't do this right now.
- Okay.

So what are you
gonna do about it?

I'm pregnant with a
married man's child.

What do you think I'm gonna do?

- Have you told him yet?

Are you certain?

Yes, but it's fine.

I've already called a clinic.

Obviously I'm getting rid of it.

Tasha, come here, come here.

Okay. Talk to me properly.

Really properly.

It's fine.

I'll be fine.

- It takes less than an hour.
- Shut up now.

Shut up.

This is amazing.

This is perfect.

This is so amazing.

It's perfect.


Yes, of course...

I mean, what the fuck?

- Amen.
- - Amen.

- Dad. Cin cin.
- Thank you.

Oh my goodness. I think you
should take him upstairs.

- Hey.
- Oh, hi.

Thank you.
- Oh, that one's for me, actually.

You can have mine.
There you go.

Oh, sorry. I didn't realize.

- Anyone else? Top ups?
- Oh, yes, please.

Me, Jackie.

Thank you.

- There you go.
- Oh, i'm drinking like a fish.

Guys. Picture please.

Come here.


- Perfectly timed.
- Huh?


H, darling. Oh, it's okay.

It's me.

[(Eerie music and
distant baby cries]


- Oh, let me have a look.
- I knew you'd wanna have a look.


- Oh, look at her!
- Love these, by the way.

Thank you.

I know. I know.

Are you having an... okay time?

I'm having a great time.

Jen's wandering around
like she's still your wife.

Hayley's been ignoring
me since I got here.

Oh, and your parents
haven't even said hello yet.

It's not deliberate.

There are... hello.

Very spooky old people
they've not seen for years.

Pretty sure they all
think I'm the nanny.

They don't.

You know she did this
deliberately, don't you?

The godparent thing.

She's trying to make a
point. I'm not welcome.

She is not trying
to make a point.

Look, come on, you know they've
been best friends since preschool.

- So...
- Not that long then.

How much of this have you had?

Not enough, clearly.

If you're gonna have a domestic,
do it somewhere private, please?

We're not having a
domestic, you witty old cow.

Oh, here we go.

He's fine.

I think it's just
difficult having...

You know?

Having both me and Jen here.

Well, it's just
a party, Natasha.

Jen seems okay with things.

If anything, she should
be the one with the issue.

- I know.

But maybe for the
next big family thing,

it's better if only
one of us comes.

It's just a little bit...


Yeah. Maybe next time it would
be better if you didn't come.

Oh fuck off.


You know, we all know
what you did to get here.

To get that ring. That house.

Jack and Jen tried for
years to have kids.

He couldn't.

His chances were incredibly low.

And then you, conveniently,
show up pregnant.

You might have got
everything you wanted,

but you don't get to
choose my friends.

- Everything all right?
- Yeah. Fine.

Okay. What happened?

This needs to stop.

No more Jen coming to the house.

It's weird for me and for Emily.

- Okay.
- Okay?

Of course. I'll speak
to her in the morning.

But I'll let them have today.

Should we get pissed?

- Mm-hm.
- Mm-hm.

Hayley said something today.

Oh god.

Whatever it was, it was probably
just Hayley being Hayley.

You'll learn to ignore it.

I do.

About you and Jen.

She said it was you not Jen
who had fertility problems.

You said it was Jen when
you were trying for kids.


Well, yeah, she's right.

Plenty of swimmers. Just
not the best athletes.

So hard, but not impossible.

We could have kept going,
but she wanted to stop.

So we stopped.

Why didn't you tell me?

Why do you think?

You're a lot younger than I am.

And I'm a big, stupid bloke.

I quite liked you.

I quite liked you too.

Yeah, I know.

Hey, do you know where I
can find pumpkin seeds?

Yeah. Come. I show you.

Thank you.


Oh, hey.


You shop here?

Yeah. It's the closest
one to the house so...

- Ae you local?
- Ish.

Bit of a creature of habit.

It's a bit of a drive,
but I do like it here.

Speaking of which,

Thank you very much for
driving us to the christening.

Hello, beautiful.

Are you helping mummy? Yeah.

Oh, those things are
great, aren't they?

I've got friends
that swear by them.

Who has the time to make
things fresh anymore?

Oh, I think...

- Oh.
- Do you still want them?

Yes, I do.

It's all right.
I'll watch her.

Hello, darling. Yeah.

What's in my basket?



- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Thanks.

Hey, hey!

Have you seen a woman?
Brunette but older.

And I left my baby with her.

- You left your baby?
- No. No, she has my baby.

She's taking care
of my baby. I...

- Natasha.

- Verything okay?
- Hey. Hey.

Oh gosh.

I just went to get some
bread from another aisle.

I didn't mean to...

Okay. You know what, we'll just
call this a misunderstanding.

But Jen, in future, when you are
looking after other people's kids,

you don't just play it by ear.

Right, I'll certainly
bear that in mind.


Oh yeah.

What else have we got? A frog.

Daddy loves frogs.
Daddy loves frogs.

Look at the time.

You keep reading.


Don't worry. Don't worry.
Come on, come on through.

She's through here. Tasha,
you've got a visitor.


Oh my god.

- Jack, Sam. Sam, Jack.
- Yes.

- Yeah. Yeah. We met at the door.
- Yeah. Good to meet you.

- Jack.
- Finally.

Yeah, you too.

Just like sealed.

And throwing krill.

You that's what you...
That? Throwing krill...

- That's nothing to do with me.
- Instead of having...

- That's nothing to do with me.
- It's nice to meet you.

Right. I'm gonna go
and grab a quick sauna

- and leave you two to just catch up.
- Yeah, yeah.

Listen, don't let me get
in the way. Seriously.

Thank you for your hospitality.

No, no, no. It's no worries.

There's wine in the
fridge if you want.

Did he say say sauna?

- I wanted to surprise you.
- Oh, right.

Well, I'm here now.

You said you were lonely.

If I'd asked you, you
would've put me off.

Sam, he's not an idiot.

He knows you don't like him.

You didn't come to the wedding.

Wait, what?

He's not an idiot?

Stop it.

Oh, come on. He doesn't care.

I'm here now. Can't
hate him that much.

Yeah, but you could have texted.

It's the middle of the night.
A bloke coming to see me.

Okay. It's not the
middle of the night, mum.

You need to get out more.

And plus, have you seen
his face? That beard?

He doesn't care about
the competition.

Hey, at least your ex-husband
isn't showing up. Right?

- All right. That's it.
- Too far? Was that too far?

- You're out. You're out.
- Okay. I'll go.

I'll go.

Seriously though, what's
it like being rich?

I'm not rich.

Sure. Okay, Drake.

Do you wanna show me the
rest of the house or...

Where's your priceless
collection of birkin bags?

- Upstairs.
- Don't joke.

- You being serious?
- Yeah. I'm dead serious.

They're so expensive.

Still doesn't like me, does he?


At least he's honest.

How'd things go with him.

Are you patching things up?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of.

You know, it's really
nice to see an old face.

The nct girls are great, but
you know, they're mum friends.

And he doesn't hate you.

He's just protective,
like an older brother.

Or a judgmental aunt.

Yeah. I see it. I see it.

Listen, I know it's not ideal,

but they need me to go
to New York next week.

Just Thursday to Sunday.

So I was thinking I could
get you and Emily a ticket

If you don't want to
stay here on your own.

I mean, obviously I'll be
busy but we'll have the nights

And you two can explore
the city in the day.

- I don't know that
it's a good idea

Taking her on a long-haul
flight just yet.

Because I wanna get her
into a proper routine

in case we start nursery soon.

Wow. Yeah, no, you're right.

Don't wanna throw
her off her sleep.

Oh, you don't mind me
going though, do you?


Listen, I spoke to Jen
after the christening

and I explained everything.

And she won't be
coming around anymore.

Thanks for this,
Sam. I appreciate it.

- It's all right.
- Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, she wants her rabbit.

Damn. Rabbit is upstairs.

- I will just...
- No, no, no.

I'll get her. Him. Where is he?

- In her room.
- In her room. Right. Cool.

- Got it.
- Yeah.


Sorry. Right under the bed.

Always under the bed.

You got your rabbit
now. Are you happy?

Watch this.

Oh, mate. What are you?

Some mastermind villain?

Wish I had a garage.

What, so he goes
away a lot, yeah?

Does that bother you?

Yeah, obviously.

I miss him.

It was much worse straight
after she was born.


What does he actually do?

- He's a media executive.
- No. Yeah. I know that.

You told me that.

What does he actually do?

Ah, very funny.

Not sure I was trying to be.

Do you guys ever talk
about what you wanna do?

You know, jobs?
Applying for things?

- Not yet.
- Why?

Why? Does he not know
it's important to you?

No, Sam, it's
not him. It's me.

I just...

I don't know.

I don't want to
leave here just yet.

It doesn't feel right.

All right. Fair enough.


♪ I'm so hung up on you ♪

♪ you leave me feeling tired ♪

♪ my telephone is wired ♪


♪ But you don't care at all so ♪

♪ why do I ♪

♪ keep my heart for you ♪

What hell are you
doing in my kitchen?

Valpolicella classico, '97.

There are a few bottles
left in the basement.

Wedding wine.

Our wedding.

It's aged remarkably well.

- All things considered.
- Jen.

How the hell did you
even get in here?

♪ You used to be my friend ♪

I used to live here.

Don't move.

♪ Trapped in your busy world ♪

♪ you just can't keep a date ♪

♪ you're always running late ♪

♪ so why ♪

♪ why do I ♪

You know, you can't
just come in here.

This is crazy behavior.

I could call the police.

I'm sure you could.

Jack told me to keep keys.

You know, case of emergency.


And what is your emergency?

You're good.

You know, he's not even here.

Yes. I know. New York.

I just spoke to him.

I couldn't find some
documents in my flat.

So I assumed that
they must be here.

And ta-da, here they are

Jack told me to let myself
in if you weren't home.

I've had a real morning
of it with my accountant.

Lovely hmrc are saying that
I owe thousands in tax,

which I obviously
don't have so...


You could have called. I
thought we'd been burgled.

I didn't know you had
a friend with a car.

I heard you outside.

It's funny, Jack
didn't mention him.

If I'd known you
had male company,

I'd have got him to
help me in the loft.

He's an old friend.

Not that it's any
of your business.

♪ I want for nothing more ♪

Jen, I need you to go.

Now, please.

♪ Than you to fall apart ♪

- Oh, fine.

♪ And mend my broken heart ♪

♪ so why ♪

Word to the wise though,

if there is something going
on with him, be careful.

Jack'll find out and
you know his temper.

Excuse me?

Oh, I'm sure it's
completely harmless

With you and your friend.

If you don't go right
now, I'm gonna call Jack

And tell him exactly
what you're doing.

♪ But will it catch your eye ♪

Relax. I'm leaving.

♪ To see me walk away ♪

It's a shame Sam's gone.

Could've given me a ride home.

He's pretty easy on the eyes.
I wouldn't be surprised.

- How do you know Sam's name?
- What?

Jack must have brought him
up after the christening.

You know when we had that talk.

One about giving you space? I'm
assuming that was your idea.

He wasn't around then.

- What?
- Sam wasn't around

when Jack spoke to you
after the christening.

Have you two been
speaking since then?



Perhaps I bumped into
him outside or...

Are you following me?

In the supermarket, you
just happened to be there?

Excuse me?

I think I'm gonna leave.

I think you should, and i'm
gonna need those keys back now.

Fine. Here.

You need to stop
all of this, Jen.

Seriously. You need
to leave us alone.

Oh, you have no idea what
you're talking about.

You know, when you talk to Jack,
tell him I can't do this anymore.

It's all gone on for too long.

What has?

All of this.

She said what?

Why didn't you call me
as soon as it happened?


Because you were working
and I was dealing with it.

I changed the locks,
the alarm, everything.

What did she mean?

I don't know.

I haven't seen her since the
christening, you know that.

But she said you'd just spoken.

You told her to come by the
house and get her things.

Well, yeah, I spoke to
her briefly on the phone.

And yes, I told
her to come over.

She said it was urgent.

I expected her to
knock on the door,

Like a normal
fucking human being.

But she said that you gave
her a key for emergencies.

Something about money
problems or unpaid tax.

She told you about that.

Wow. Right.

Well, yeah, she's really worried,
this tax thing's gonna hit her hard.

I don't care, Jack.

She was in my house, drunk.

She showed up at our
supermarket the other week.

She lives fucking miles away.

Now she's saying that she knows
Sam or at least recognizes him.

So either she's hanging around
here, staking the place out,

Or you're lying to me
about talking to her.

I'm sorry?

Well, tell me I'm
imagining things.

Have you spoken to her or been
to see her since your chat?


And no.

Now listen, I don't know
what she's playing at,

but whatever it is,
it has to stop. Okay?

But if she says she knows Sam,
that's nothing to do with me.

You're gonna have
to talk to him.


Right. I'm gonna
talk to her again.

And I'm gonna be clearer.

Because maybe the
way we've been...

The way I've been has given
her the wrong impression.

But if she's come around
expecting anything,

It just has to stop.

It has to.

And if it doesn't, then...

We'll have to address
it more seriously.

Call the police?

If you don't feel safe.

(Tap runs

- is that my car?
- Yeah.

- All right. 30 seconds.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Let's do this.

It's gonna be a bit
of a late one today.

Probably 10:00 or 11:00,
something like that.

Okay. See you then.

I'm trying to think.
Is there anything else?

We've covered
everything. Yeah.

- You've got my number.
- I do. I'll call.

- So, I mean, any
problem, big or small.

Thank you for coming
at such late notice.

Oh. No worries.

I've got her. You
go be with your mom.

I hope she feels better soon.


- Thank you.
- You're welcome.


Maybe just stop here.

- All right, love.
- Thanks.


The time we were in venice.

If that's food, I'm gonna
plate up and then...