The End of the F***ing World (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Episode #1.3 - full transcript

Alyssa persuades James that they should hide out by squatting in a house whose owner is away. She wants sex but again he refuses so she picks up a total stranger called Topher but changes ...

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
♪ I'm laughing on the outside ♪

♪ Crying on the inside ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm so in love ♪

♪ With you ♪


Sometimes, James feels
like a boy I could love.

Like, really love.

Then, other times,
he feels like a total fucking stranger.

It's an extra £30 for a late checkout.


That's a lot of cash.

We robbed a bank.

Keep the change.

Could get a train to your dad's.


What if he doesn't want
to see me?

Well, shall we?

- What?
- Get a train to your dad's.

He probably won't
even recognize me.

- Are we still going there?
- Yeah, obviously.

We should lie low for a bit.
Wait a couple of days

before we start getting
on any trains or anything.

- Why?
- Because we robbed a guy, James.

- He assaulted me.
- Doesn't matter.

We should go off-grid for a bit.

Isn't your dad's off-grid?

- Why are you so obsessed with my dad?
- What?

I'm not.

He's miles away.

We need to find somewhere nearby.

Somewhere nice.

Could be like a mini break.

Holy shit.

- How do you know?
- Know what?

That this one's safe.

No obvious burglar alarm.

Dust everywhere,
so no cleaner to worry about.


At least a week's worth.

Is breaking and entering
the best way of lying low?


- Think that's him.
- Who?

The guy that lives here.

Yeah, obviously.

Bit uptight, isn't he?

He's a professor.

Whatever, it's fucking weird
having a photo of yourself.


Look what I found.

Alyssa didn't have
much respect for people.

Or people's stuff.

I sometimes wonder
if I should just become an alcoholic.

It means you've always got
something to do.

I reckon this'll do.


We can just chill here,
plan our route, take our time.


I'm trying to think
what adults do in situations like this.

Should we go downstairs
and have a glass of wine?



Are you hungry?


Well, that wasn't
as shit as I expected.

It was actually really nice.

Thank you.

How do you know how to cook?

Taught myself.

It was that or type 2 diabetes.

We should wash up.

♪ Comb your hair and paint and powder ♪

♪ You act proud and I'll act prouder ♪

♪ You sing loud and I'll sing louder ♪

♪ Tonight we're settin'
the woods on fire ♪

♪ You're my gal and I'm your feller... ♪

Some people get embarrassed
dancing. I don't.

I think it's when I feel most myself.

I get embarrassed talking.
Well, after talking.

When I realize
I've said something stupid.

We should do this naked.

Something like that.

♪ That never has been done ♪

♪ I don't care who thinks we're silly ♪

♪ You be Daffy ♪

♪ And I'll be Dilly ♪

♪ We'll order up two bowls of chili ♪

♪ Settin' the woods on fire... ♪

As a rule, I didn't dance,

but it was hard to say no to Alyssa.

Hey, close your eyes.

- What?
- Close your eyes. I promise I won't look.

♪ I'll gas up my hot-rod stoker ♪

♪ We'll get hotter than a poker ♪

♪ You'll be broke, but I'll be broker... ♪

I think he is properly beautiful.

♪ We'll sit close to one another ♪

♪ Up one street and down the other ♪

♪ We'll have a time, oh, brother ♪

♪ Settin' the woods on fire... ♪

But he'll never start anything,

♪ My tires and tubes are doin' fine,
but the air is showin' through... ♪

Come here.

♪ You clap hands and I'll start howlin' ♪

♪ We'll do all the law's allowin'... ♪

Undo your belt.

Whoever says all boys are
obsessed with sex hasn't met James.

I really hope
I'm not bad at this.


Is this OK?

Um, stop. Please, could you stop.

- What?
- He was putting me off.

- I thought you said that you wanted me.
- I do.

- I did.
- Liar.

Fuck you!


I tended not to feel things.

For a long time, I was good at it.

Good at feeling absolutely nothing.

I didn't even have to try.

I just...



♪ Oooh, what a day ♪

♪ Oh, what a day
Oh, what a day ♪

♪ Oooh-oooh-oooh ♪

♪ Oh, what a day
Oh, what a day ♪

♪ When we fell in looove ♪

The world is fucking bleak.

I guess I try and do things
to forget that it is.

Keep busy, keep blind.

I thought that's what me
and James were doing.

Don't look at that.



- How old are you, then?
- 17.

Yeah, right.

You look better in person.

Fuck off.

I do, actually.

My mum says it's my secret weapon,

which I think is kind of rude,
but I see her point.

- So, what was your name again?
- Alyssa.



What's yours?


What kind of a name is Topher?

It's short for Christopher.

So, why can't you just be called Chris,
like a normal person?


Guess I'm a twat.

- Do you have a girlfriend?
- No.

- Boyfriend?
- No.

Whoa! Is this your place?

We're squatting.

Who's we?

James, this is Topher.

And we're going upstairs to have sex.

Being with Alyssa had started
to make me feel things.

She made me feel things.

And I didn't like it at all.



This isn't being filmed is it?

Are you actually underage and someone's
gonna leap out like, "catch a pedophile"?

Oh, for God's sake!

Come on, then!

Alyssa had thrown me a curveball.

I had to bide my time.

So I decided to have a look around.

♪ Walking all day
with my eyes on fire ♪

♪ Can't stop looking at you ♪

♪ Walking all day
with my eyes on fire ♪

♪ That's what I've gotta do ♪

♪ Can't stop looking at you ♪


You're cool, Alyssa.

You're really fucking cool.


It's no good.

It's just no good.

Thanks, James.

- I'm sorry.
- What?

I changed my mind.
I'm sorry, I'm not into this.

Are you... Are you kidding?


That's not fair.

Uh, yes, it is.

Please, Alyssa.

I think you're amazing.

Well, then, respect me changing my mind,
and fuck off, please.

It's like... There is a word
for girls like you.

I'll bet.

She is a fucking
prick-tease bitch.

Right, yeah.

I'll tell her.


Go away.

It feels like sex can go
from something you want to do

to a punishment, really fucking quickly.

I waited until she fell asleep.

When her eyes were closed...

Alyssa looked a lot less angry.

♪ This is my five-string serenade ♪

♪ Beneath the water it played ♪

♪ And while I'm playing for you ♪

♪ It could be raining there, too ♪

That's great.

Thank you very... much.

Oh, fuck.

How did you get in here?

I'm sorry.

It's OK.

It's OK, you just...

gave me a shock, that's all.

Are you in trouble?
You needed somewhere to stay?

That's all right.

You on your own?



You made a bit of a mess downstairs,
didn't you?


You've been eating my porridge,
as well, Goldilocks?


Shush, shush, shush, shush.
Just stay still.

Please don't.

Don't what?

Hey, you gonna make this difficult?

Oh... Are you a virgin?


♪ I'm sorry ♪

♪ So sorry ♪

♪ That I was such a fool ♪

♪ I didn't know ♪

♪ Love could be so cruel ♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, yes ♪

♪ You tell me ♪

♪ Mistakes ♪

- Are you a virgin?
- Yes.

♪ Are part of being young ♪

- Me, too.
- Yeah, no shit.

♪ But that don't right ♪

♪ The wrong that's been done ♪

♪ I'm sorry ♪

♪ I'm sorry ♪

♪ So sorry ♪

♪ So sorry ♪

♪ Please accept my apology ♪

♪ But love is blind ♪

♪ And I was too blind to see ♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, yes ♪