The Emperor's New School (2006–2008): Season 2, Episode 9 - Emperor's New School Spirit/Card Wars - full transcript
[I- Emperor's New School Spirit] Envious when the whole school cheers the sacred ballgame mascot Yippe-yo rather then him, Kuzco makes the llama disappear. Since nobody enjoys the game anymore without it, Kuzco desperately tries to get it back, fails and resorts to an Yzma-elixir to transform himself into one. [II- Card Wars] Kuzco hoped his find, the Kuzco-yo (a yo-yo), would make him popular, but everyone is more interested in a card game. Kuzco keeps making the wrong choices however hard he tries to trick Kronk, and by the time he gets it right...
I'M NUMBER ONE!
I'M NUMBER ONE!
YEAH, YOU MAY WANNA
GET THAT FINGER LOOKED AT.
IT'S, UH...
[SQUEAK SQUEAK]
FOAMY.
THEME MUSIC.
♪ HE'S ON HIS WAY
TO THE THRONE ♪
♪ HE'S ON HIS WAY TO SUCCESS ♪
♪ BUT HE HAS TO GO TO SCHOOL ♪
♪ HE'S GOT TO ACE THAT TEST ♪
♪ HE'S AN EMPEROR-TO-BE ♪
♪ AND HE'S TOTALLY-- ♪
YOU KNOW,
IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.
♪ EXACTLY ♪
♪ LET'S GO ♪
♪ HE'S GOIN'
TO KUZCO ACADEMY ♪
♪ KUZCO ACADEMY ♪
♪ HE'S GOT TO LEARN
HIS ABCs ♪
♪ DON'T TRY TO STOP HIM,
TO TOP HIM ♪
TO DESTROY HIM,
RIGHT?
UH...
♪ K-U-Z-C-O ♪
♪ KUZCO, KUZCO, GO, GO ♪
♪ HE'S GOT THE COOL ♪
♪ HE'S GOT THE CHARM
AND THE LOOKS ♪
♪ AND A HOTTIE
THAN CAN HELP HIM ♪
♪ READ THAT THING CALLED BOOK ♪
♪ LET'S GO ♪
♪ HE'S GOIN'
TO KUZCO ACADEMY ♪
♪ COME ON, KUZCO ♪
♪ HE'S GOT TO FULFILL
HIS DESTINY ♪
♪ HIS FRIENDS ARE LOYAL ♪
♪ IT'S ROYAL, THEY'LL HELP
AGAINST THE FOIL-- ♪
FRIENDS? I THOUGHT
THIS WAS ALL ABOUT ME.
HEH HEH.
SPELL MY NAME AGAIN.
♪ K-U-Z-C-O ♪
♪ KUZCO, KUZCO,
GO, GO ♪
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
DISNEY--ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP
THIS IS ODD.
USUALLY IT'S MORE SCHOOLY
AND TEACHERY IN HERE.
[CROWD CHEERING]
OOH. I HEAR CHEERING.
MAYBE IT'S
A SURPRISE KUZCO RALLY.
[CHEERING,
RHYTHMIC CLAPPING]
WELL, NEVER
UNDERSTOOD THE POINT
OF THESE PEP THINGIES,
BUT, UH...
[ECHOING] THE OBJECT
OF YOUR AFFECTION IS HERE!
[CHEERING STOPS]
WE'RE NOT CHEERING
FOR YOU!
WE'RE CHEERING FOR HIM!
[CHEERING]
YAY! YAY!
VICTOR E. LLAMA! WHOO!
HELLO! YOU'RE CHEERING
FOR A BIG, UGLY POODLE?
WHAT IS WITH
YOU PEOP--UHH!
[CRASH]
[BLEATS]
OH, ARE YOU OK, SIR?
I DON'T GET IT, GUACA.
WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE
CHEERING FOR SOMETHING
THAT'S NOT ME?
'CAUSE HE'S
VICTOR E. LLAMA,
THE SCHOOL'S MASCOT.
UH...
HE'S GETTING EVERYBODY
PEPPED UP
FOR THE BIG
HOMECOMING GAME AGAINST
MICCHU PACHU HIGH.
HMM.
HE MARCHES OUT
EVERY TIME WE SCORE,
MOTIVATING
OUR KUZCOBALL TEAM.
YEAH, DOESN'T
RING A BELL.
HAVEN'T YOU SEEN
EVERYBODY WITH THEIR
VICTOR E. LLAMA GEAR?
THE PENNANTS?
THE MUDFLAPS?
THE TOILET SEAT COVERS?
[FLUSH]
OH. SO THAT'S
WHY MY KUZCO BLING
HASN'T BEEN SELLING.
GET YOUR KUZCO JUNK FREE
WITH ANY VICTOR E. LLAMA
PURCHASE.
KUZCO,
VICTOR'S EVERYWHERE.
HAVEN'T YOU EVER
BEEN TO A GAME,
A PEP RALLY,
AN ASSEMBLY?
PUH-LEASE.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
TO RAISE SCHOOL SPIRIT.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
I'M CLEARLY BETTER
THAN SOME STUPID POODLE.
IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK
THAT FOR ONCE,
THE FOCUS ISN'T
ENTIRELY ON YOU?
SILLY MALINA,
ASKING QUESTIONS
YOU ALREADY KNOW
THE ANSWER TO.
THIS SCHOOL'S
ONLY BIG ENOUGH
FOR ONE OF US,
AND I WAS HERE SECOND.
[LAUGHS]
KUZCO HAS LITTLE RAINBOWS
ON HIS UNDERWEARS.
[LAUGHTER]
THEY'RE NOT RAINBOWS.
THEY'RE
RAINBOW-COLORED HEARTS.
I BOUGHT THEM
FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.
[LAUGHTER]
THIS YEAR'S
HOMECOMING GAME
IS ALSO MY HIGH SCHOOL'S
30th REUNION.
YOU MEAN 130th.
I'M 48, KRONK.
IN DOG YEARS.
I WAS THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL GIRL
IN SCHOOL.
SAYS HERE...
NEVER MIND THAT,
BECAUSE TOMORROW
I'LL BE CROWNED
UNNAMED ACADEMY'S
MOST ACCOMPLISHED ALUM.
UNNAMED ACADEMY?
THAT'S WHAT
WE CALLED KUZCO ACADEMY
BEFORE KUZCO WAS BORN.
CATCHY.
AND WHEN I WIN,
I'LL SHOVE THAT AWARD
IN MARGO ONEUPHER'S
UGLY, BLEMISH-FREE FACE.
MARGO ONEUPHER?
WINNER OF
THE SCIENCE FAIR.
I MADE A CLOCK
OUT OF A POTATO.
SHE MADE A TIME MACHINE.
IN OUR SCHOOL'S
PRODUCTION
OF THE BEAUTIFUL
PRINCESS AND
THE EVIL QUEEN,
MARGO WAS CAST AS
THE BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS,
WHILE I WAS--
THE EVIL QUEEN?
NO. TREE NUMBER 3.
SHE ALSO SNAGGED
THE SCHOOL'S
BIGGEST DREAMBOAT,
CHAMP HUNKANO.
PLUS SHE GOT
THE WHOLE SCHOOL
TO CALL ME
PIGEON LEGS.
HA HA HA!
PIGEON LEGS!
CAN SEE WHERE
THEY GOT THAT.
LOT OF NICKNAMES DON'T FIT,
BUT THEY REALLY NAILED YOU.
HEH.
[SQUEAK]
THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
[FIGHT SONG PLAYING]
[BLEATS]
BAN THE POODLE!
GET RID OF VIC
EXTRA QUICK!
MAKE THAT LLAMA A GONA.
KUZCO,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GETTING THE 37,000
SIGNATURES I NEED
TO REMOVE VICTOR
AS MASCOT.
HOW MANY HAVE YOU GOT?
WELL, INCLUDING ME...
2.
KUZCO AND GUACA.
UH, WH--I ALSO HAVE
DOYLE AS A MAYBE.
[GRUNTS]
[SIGHS] KUZCO.
YOU BETTER THINK
OF ANOTHER PLAN.
VICTOR,
[MUTTERS]
YOU DUMB POODLE,
[NORMAL] COME GET
SOME DINNER. GO ON. GO ON.
[SNIFFS]
AHA!
[SHATTERS]
REVENGE IS A DISH
BEST SERVED LUKEWARM,
AND YOU,
MY CANINE FRIEND,
JUST ATE A HEAPING
PLATEFUL OF IT
TOPPED WITH FUR-BE-GONE.
"DOES NOT WORK ON LLAMAS."
YOW!
[FWOOSH]
AAH!
EH. I'LL JUST
LOCK HIM UP SOMEWHERE.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
HELLO,
UNNAMED ACADEMY.
WELL, IF IT ISN'T
OLD PIGEON LEGS.
[LAUGHTER]
MARGO. [CHUCKLES]
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
AHH, OBSCENELY RICH
FROM MY ONEUPHER
YOUTH CREAM.
DIDN'T YOU GET SOME?
OBVIOUSLY NOT.
OHH. AND YOU?
LATELY I'VE BEEN
DIPPING MY TOES IN
THE EMPEROR TOPPLING BUSINESS.
SO, HOW MANY EMPERORS
HAVE YOU TOPPLED?
UH, ACTUALLY--HEH HEH--
I'M STILL WORKING
ON MY, UH--AHEM--FIRST.
[LAUGHTER]
OH, PIGEON LEGS.
I GUESS SOME THINGS
NEVER CHANGE.
B-BUT YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND.
THIS ONE'S CRAFTY,
CUNNING--
KUZCO?!
NOTHIN' TO SEE HERE.
[CHUCKLES]
[BLEATS]
JUST AN EMPEROR--HEH--
AND HIS STUPID LLAMA.
OH, YES, YZMA,
HE'S VERY CRAFTY.
[LAUGHTER]
GUESS YOU COULD SAY
I GOT THE SPOTLIGHT
ALL LOCKED UP.
[BLEATS]
SHUT UP, POODLE.
[CHEERING]
♪ TELL YOUR PAPA,
TELL YOUR MAMA ♪
♪ HERE COMES A HAPPY
VICTOR E. LLAMA ♪
[CHEERING QUIETS]
WHERE'S VICTOR?!
KUZCO ACADEMY HAS A NEW,
MORE FITTING MASCOT--
KUZCO!
[BOOING]
NO VICTOR?
[SCOFFS]
I'M OUTTA HERE.
SCHOOL SPIRIT'S
DEAD TO ME.
KUZCO, WHERE'S VICTOR?
WHO CARES? I'M HERE.
THAT'S WHAT MATTERS.
OK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID,
BUT YOU'D BETTER FIX IT.
WITHOUT VICTOR
INSPIRING SCHOOL SPIRIT,
THE FANS ARE LEAVING.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU'RE SAYING THIS WHOLE
PEP-MASCOT-SCHOOL-SPIRIT
THING
ACTUALLY MATTERS
TO YOU PEOPLE?
YES, AND WITHOUT IT,
OUR TEAM WILL PROBABLY LOSE,
AND EVERYONE WILL BLAME YOU.
FINE. I'LL LET
THE POODLE OUT,
BUT ONLY IF HE PROMISES
NOT TO EMBARRASS ME...
AND ADMITS HE'S UGLY.
KUZCO, LLAMAS CAN'T TALK.
GOOD CATCH.
I'LL GET IT IN WRITING.
YO, YZMA,
HOW'S IT SHAKIN'?
CHAMP HUNKANO.
YOU KNOW, I WAS TOTALLY
CRUSHIN' ON YOU
IN HIGH SCHOOL,
BUT I DIDN'T THINK
I HAD A CHANCE,
SO I JUST DATED THE CLEANER,
MORE POPULAR MARGO INSTEAD.
ANYWAY, YOU WANNA DANCE?
HUNKA-YES.
OH, I FORGOT SOMETHIN'.
NOW DON'T MOVE AN INCH.
ACTUALLY, A LITTLE BIT
TO THE LEFT.
NO, NOT SO FAR.
NO, NO. NO, BACK A BIT.
IS HERE GOOD?
PERFECT!
[LAUGHTER]
Both: PIGEON LEGS.
All: PIGEON LEGS.
PIGEON LEGS.
HUH? WHAT?
AW, HE HAS TO
BE IN HERE SOMEWHERE.
"YOUR MASCOT WAS TAKEN
BY MICCHU PACHU HIGH.
"COME SEE OUR PRODUCTION
OF THE BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS
AND THE EVIL QUEEN,
PLAYING THE 15th
THROUGH THE 17th."
PEANUT PUFFS!
GET YOUR RED-HOT
PEANUT PUFFS!
KRONK, YOU GOTTA
HELP ME FIND VICTOR.
I LOOKED EVERYWHERE--
DESKS, CLAY POTS.
I FOUND 3 CAMELS
AND AN ALPACA, BUT NO LLAMA!
YOU'RE LOOKIN' FOR LLAMA
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES.
MALINA SAYS IF I CAN'T
GET THE LLAMA BACK,
EVERYONE'LL HATE ME.
REMINDS ME OF A STORY
ABOUT A GUY--
REAL JERK,
USED TO BE EMPEROR--
GOT TURNED INTO A LLAMA.
YEAH. KRONK,
THAT JERK WAS ME.
AH. YOU WERE A LLAMA.
NOW YOU NEED A LLAMA.
IRONIC. TOO BAD
IT DOESN'T APPLY
TO YOUR SITUATION.
[GASPS] YZMA.
UHH!
OOF. YZMA, YOU'VE GOT
A LLAMA POTION.
I NEED A LLAMA POTION,
AND POTIONS SOLVE
ALL LIFE'S PROBLEMS.
"POTIONS MAY NOT
SOLVE EVERYTHING.
"SIDE EFFECTS
MAY INCLUDE ITCHY HOOF,
STINKY BREATH,
AND HAIRBALLS."
YOU'RE RIGHT.
POTIONS DO SOLVE
ALL LIFE'S PROBLEMS,
INCLUDING MINE.
I'LL HELP YOU,
BUT FIRST
YOU HAVE TO HELP ME
WITH MY SECRET PLAN.
FINALLY I'LL HAVE
MY REVENGE!
YEAH. UH,
I'M NO MORALITY EXPERT
OR ANYTHING...
CLEARLY.
BUT ISN'T THE WHOLE
REVENGE THING A BIG NO-NO?
I'M EVIL.
WHAT DO I CARE?
AND THE AWARD FOR THE MOST
ACCOMPLISHED ALUM GOES TO...
MARGO ONEUPHER!
[CHEERING]
[SIGHS] I'D LIKE TO THANK
YOU ALL FOR THIS AWARD,
BUT MOST OF ALL,
I WANNA THANK YZMA...
FOR ALWAYS MAKING ME
LOOK GOOD BY BEING
SUCH A FAILURE.
[LAUGHTER]
HERE'S TO NOT BEING YZMA.
[COOING]
[COOING]
AHA! NOW THOSE
ARE PIGEON LEGS.
[CHUCKLES]
YOU CALLED ME PIGEON LEGS.
NOW I'M CALLING YOU
PIGEON LEGS. [LAUGHS]
HIGH-FIVE, KUZCO.
GOTTA GO.
WHAT'S THE POINT OF CHEERING
IF THERE'S NO DANCIN' LLAMA?
[FANFARE PLAYING]
Kuzco: OHH, I HOPE
NOBODY RECOGNIZES ME.
THAT'S NOT VICTOR!
THAT'S KUZCO!
HEY, HEY, HEY!
OHH! [MUTTERS]
WHAT IS THIS DOING HERE?
[GROANS]
[LAUGHTER]
THAT'S HILARIOUS!
THAT'S THE FUNNIEST
THING EVER.
HILARIOUS! HEH!
WE WANNA SEE THAT AGAIN!
YOU CAN, IF WE
GET ANOTHER GOAL,
SO LET'S HEAR
SOME NOISE!
[CHEERING]
[WHISTLE]
[TAP-DANCING]
[WHISTLES]
[CHEERING]
LUCKY FOR US KUZCO ACADEMY
DID MOST OF THEIR SCORING
IN THE FOURTH QUARTER,
WHEN EVERY GOAL IS WORTH 25
INSTEAD OF JUST ONE.
UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
UH-HUH. UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
BOOM, BABY!
[CRACK]
OUCH.
[LAUGHTER]
HEY, MALINA.
NOTICE ANYTHING
DIFFERENT?
YOU'RE STANDING
IN LLAMA SPIT.
EWW.
NO, I MEAN
MY AWESOME KUZCO-YO.
I FOUND IT
IN THE ATTIC.
IT COMBINES 2 OF MY
FAVORITE THINGS--
SHOWING OFF
AND DOING
ALMOST NO
PHYSICAL ACTIVITY.
OH, THAT'S GREAT.
CHECK IT OUT.
I CALL THIS ONE
WALKING THE LLAMA.
AND THIS ONE'S
CALLED THE BAM-BOOMER.
AND THIS ONE'S CALLED
MILKING THE ARMADILLO.
AND HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU
TO LEARN ALL THAT?
17 WEEKS,
BUT IT'LL BE WORTH IT
WHEN I WALK INTO
THE SCHOOL AND SAY...
BASK, FOLLOWERS,
IN THE AWESOMENESS
THAT IS MY KUZCO-YO.
UH, HELLO. YOU GUYS
ARE MISSING OUT
ON THE AWESOMENESS.
SORRY, KUZCO.
WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE
OF A SHUACA
QUEST GAME.
IT'S
THE NEWEST THING.
A CARD GAME?
BUT THAT'S FOR KIDS.
IT'S GOT NONE OF
THE MATURE SOPHISTICATION
OF THE KUZCO-YO.
KUZCO, SHUACA QUEST
IS FOR GAMING ENTHUSIASTS
OF ALL AGES,
FROM GRAND SORCERERS
LIKE ME...
TO LOWLY DWARVES
LIKE ME.
DID I GIVE YOU
PERMISSION TO SPEAK?!
COME ON, GUACA.
BACK ME UP ON THIS.
KUZCO-YOS RULE.
RIGHT?
ONLY THING
THAT TRULY RULES
IS MY PLUS-10
OGRE SLAYING CARD.
LET'S DO THIS, KAVOGRE.
SILLY OGRE,
PAPER ALWAYS BEATS ROCK.
HUHH!
KAVO BOW
TO GUACA'S POWER.
WHERE ARE YOUR
SHUACA QUEST
CARDS, SIR?
I'LL BET
THEY RULE.
YEAH.
WHERE ARE THEY?
YOU DO HAVE SOME, RIGHT?
UH, YEAH. I GOT TONS OF
SQUAWKER QUEST CARDS,
BECAUSE I WAS
WAY INTO THEM, LIKE, WAY
BEFORE YOU FOLLOWERS.
I, UH, JUST
TOOK 'EM IN TO BE...
DRY-CLEANED.
THAT CARD GAME
IS SUCH A SILLY TREND.
YEAH, NOT LIKE OUR
TIMELESS DESIGNER
TRUCKER HATS.
QUICK, GIVE ME ALL
THE SHUACA QUEST PACKS
THAT 37 KUZCOINS
WILL BUY.
NO REFUNDS.
ME, TOO.
WHAT'S THIS JUNK?
"THE SAGGING WAND."
"THE WELL-LIT CAVE."
"CUDDLES THE TROLL."
THESE CARDS STINK.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S
SEE WHAT I GOT.
"GNARL THE SABER CAT."
"THE FORTRESS OF FURY."
"LORD IRONCLAW."
[DING]
OOH. SORRY YOU GOT
SUCH LAME CARDS, KRONK.
NOT LIKE MY, UH, SWEET
CUDDLES THE TROLL CARD HERE.
CUDDLES THE TROLL?
WHAT DOES HE DO?
WHAT DOESN'T HE DO?
HE, UH,
WEARS RED SUSPENDERS
AND PICKS FLOWERS
AND DEFEATS ENEMIES
USING HIS SECRET WEAPON
OF KINDNESS.
UH, WELL, I--
HEH HEH. I DO LIKE
HIS SUSPENDERS.
UH, YEAH.
HIS SUSPENDERS ARE THE BEST.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I HATE
TO GIVE UP THIS CARD,
BUT, UM, GO ON. TAKE IT.
AND IN RETURN, YOU CAN JUST
GIVE ME, OH, I DON'T KNOW...
YOUR LAME, OLD LORD IRONCLAW.
CUDDLES FOR IRONCLAW...
WELLLLLL...
OK.
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
NOTHING.
YOU'RE LAUGHING
MANIACALLY LIKE YOU JUST
PULLED A FAST ONE.
NO. I WAS JUST, UM...
THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING
I SAW YESTERDAY...
A LLAMA FALLING IN THE MUD.
AH HA HA! A LLAMA
FALLIN' IN THE MUD!
NO WONDER
YOU'RE LAUGHIN'!
THAT'S CLASSIC!
HA! AH HA HA HA!
HELLO, LOSERS.
IT'D BE A SHAME
IF YOUR LITTLE PARTY
WAS CRASHED BY
LORD IRONCLAW.
[LAUGHTER]
LORD IRONCLAW!
THAT IS
THE WORST CARD EVER!
A SINGLE PLAY
OF ANY WATER CARD
TURNS HIM INTO
A WORTHLESS, RUSTY MESS.
OBSERVE.
I SUMMON THE FLOODS
OF SHUACA!
[CLANK]
OIL...CAN.
THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.
[LAUGHTER]
HEH HEH HEH.
CAN'T GET OVER
THAT LLAMA IN THE MUD.
IT'S FUNNY STUFF.
OOH! OOH! SHUACA QUEST!
CAN I PLAY?!
I JUST GOT THIS
REALLY NEAT CUDDLES
THE TROLL CARD.
[CHOIR SINGS]
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
KRONK HAVE
CUDDLES TROLL?
PRETTY LAME, HUH, GUYS?
YEAH. NOW WE CAN
ALL MAKE FUN OF KRONK
INSTEAD OF ME.
I'LL GET US STARTED.
HA HA! LOSER.
KUZCO, CUDDLES THE TROLL
IS THE RAREST,
MOST POWERFUL CARD
IN THE GAME.
HIS SUSPENDERS DOUBLE
AS ANCIENT GAMMA SWORDS,
AND HE
HAS AN IMPENETRABLE
SHIELD OF KINDNESS.
UH, I KNEW THAT.
[WHISPERING]
Kronk, trade me back.
NO WAY. LORD IRONCLAW
FOR CUDDLES THE TROLL?
ONLY AN IDIOT
WOULD MAKE THAT TRADE.
[BLINK]
NO OFFENSE.
AND THEN WE'LL SEND OVER
A BASKET OF MUFFINS
THAT WILL TURN KUZCO
INTO AN ANIMAL.
HE'LL NEVER
SUSPECT THAT.
YEAH, YEAH.
ANIMAL. RIGHT.
HEY, CAN WE WRAP THIS UP?
I GOT A 4:00
SHUACA QUEST GAME WITH GUACA.
OH, DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE
INTO THAT INFERNAL GAME,
TOO.
OH, YEAH. IT'S GREAT,
ESPECIALLY WHEN
YOU HAVE AN UNBEATABLE CARD
LIKE MY CUDDLES THE TROLL.
NO WONDER KUZCO WOULD GIVE
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD FOR IT.
ANYTHING!
KRONK,
YOU STUPID GENIUS!
THAT'S IT!
ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS TRADE YOUR SILLY CARD
TO KUZCO FOR HIS
RIGHTS TO THE THRONE.
[GASPS]
FINALLY I'LL BE EMPRESS!
OOH, IT'S SO EASY.
NOW HAND ME
THAT CARD, KRONK.
WELL, I, UH...
NO, THANKS.
WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
I LIKE CUDDLES.
HE'S A LOVABLE REBEL, LIKE ME.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
CUDDLES AND I HAVE
AN EPIC BATTLE TO WAGE
FOR THE FUTURE OF THE WORLD
BEFORE GUACA'S
6:00 CURFEW.
ANOTHER LORD IRONCLAW?
COME ON. WHERE ARE
ALL THE CUDDLES
THE TROLL CARDS?
THEY ONLY MADE
ONE CUDDLES,
AND SOME GUY
GOT IT YESTERDAY.
YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME
THAT BEFORE I STARTED
THAT FUNDRAISING SCHEME
TO PAY FOR THESE CARDS.
I KNOW. [CHUCKLES]
I COULDA.
SIR, I'M STILL
HAVING TROUBLE
SELLING MY SHARE
OF KUZCOBARS.
ALL RIGHT. LOOKS LIKE
IT'S TIME FOR PLANS "B"
THROUGH "D."
CAN YOU BELIEVE KUZCO'S
STILL SO CAUGHT UP
IN SUCH AN OBVIOUS FAD?
YEAH. IT'S SAD, REALLY.
HEY, LET'S GO SHOW OFF
OUR STYLISH NEW ALLIGATOR
PURSES.
OK!
OH, HEY, KRONK.
I WAS JUST IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
AND THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
WANNA CHECK OUT THIS
AWESOME UNICORN EGG I FOUND.
[GASPS] UNICORN EGG.
TO HATCH
A REAL, LIVE UNICORN?
WH-WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO WITH IT?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
PROBABLY JUST FLY AROUND ON IT,
MAKE IT GRANT ME WISHES.
YOU KNOW, THE USUAL.
WOW.
YEAH. I WOULDN'T TRADE
THIS HERE UNICORN EGG
FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD,
EXCEPT MAYBE
A CUDDLES THE TROLL CARD.
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
HELLO. MY NAME
IS JOHN WAGNER,
AND YOU DEFINITELY
DON'T KNOW ME.
I'M COLLECTING DONATIONS
FOR THE GREAT INCAN DROUGHT.
IF WE DON'T ACT SOON,
CROPS WILL DIE,
ANIMALS WILL STARVE.
[GASPS]
ANIMALS WILL STARVE,
EVEN THE BABY DUCKS?
ESPECIALLY THE BABY DUCKS.
OHH! HERE. TAKE IT.
IT'S ONLY
37,000 KUZCOINS,
BUT IT'S
ALL I'VE GOT.
WELL, THAT'S A START,
BUT WHAT WE'RE
REALLY LOOKING FOR
ARE VALUABLE
SHUACA QUEST CARDS.
WELL, I HATE
TO GIVE THIS UP,
BUT IF IT WILL HELP
SAVE EVEN ONE BABY DUCK
FROM THE DROUGHT...
[THUNDER]
YAY! THE BABY DUCKS
ARE SAVED!
STUPID KRONK AND
HIS STUPIDLY AWESOME
CUDDLES THE TROLL.
I'M NEVER GONNA THINK
OF A WAY TO GET THAT CARD.
CHEER UP, KUZCO.
SOMEONE SENT YOU
A DELICIOUS
MUFFIN BASKET.
IT'S FROM YZMA.
SHE SENDS 'EM ALL THE TIME
TO TRY TO TURN ME
INTO AN ANIMAL.
[DING] THAT'S IT!
WHAT WAS
THAT DING SOUND?
MY IDEA DING.
HAPPENS EVERY TIME
I HAVE AN IDEA.
THAT'S NOT NORMAL,
KUZCO.
YOU SHOULD GET THAT
CHECKED OUT.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[MEOWS]
[GASPS] OHH!
AN OCELOT KITTEN.
I'M GONNA FEED YOU
AND LOVE YOU
AND PLAY
SHUACA QUEST WITH YOU
ALL DAY AND NIGHT.
LET ME GET MY CARDS.
[MEOWS]
WAIT A MINUTE.
BEFORE I TAKE IN A STRAY,
I NEED TO TAKE YOU TO THE VET.
[KUZCO YOWLS]
Kuzco: OH,
FOR THE LOVE OF...
[POWER TOOL WHIRS]
YEOW!
YOU WERE SUCH
A BRAVE LITTLE KITTY.
NOW WAIT HERE WHILE I
FIND YOU A COLLAR.
[TREMBLES]
HA HA! FINALLY.
I'M THE MOST POWERFUL
SHUACA QUEST PLAYER
IN THE WORLD.
NOW THAT I HAVE...
[WHEEZE]
THE SICKLY WOLF?
I GRABBED THE WRONG CARD?
[SIGHS] I'LL NEVER GET
THAT STUPID CUDDLES CARD.
MIGHT AS WELL GO BACK
TO MY STUPID KUZCO-YO.
HEY, KUZCO, HAVE YOU
SEEN AN OCELOT KITTEN
AROUND HERE?
BROWN FUR,
KINDA UGLY, AND--
OOH, OOH, OOH!
WHAT IS THAT?!
YEAH, YEAH. LAUGH IT UP.
IT'S A KUZCO-YO.
HOW DO YOU MAKE IT GO UP?
HOW DO YOU MAKE IT GO DOWN?
HOW DO I GET ONE?
[DING]
WHAT WAS THAT DING SOUND?
NOTHING. FORGET IT.
LOOK,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL GIVE YOU
MY KUZCO-YO
IF YOU GIVE ME
YOUR CUDDLES
THE TROLL CARD
AND ALSO EAT
A JAR OF MAYONNAISE.
DEAL.
BASK, FOLLOWERS,
IN THE AWESOMENESS
THAT IS CUDDLES
THE TROLL.
TCCH. SHUACA QUEST
WAS JUST A FAD, KUZCO.
ONLY BABIES PLAY
CARD GAMES THESE DAYS.
WHAT? SINCE WHEN?
SINCE THIS MORNING,
WHEN KRONK SHOWED US
HOW AWESOME
KRONKO-YOS ARE.
KRONK RULES!
WHAT? KRONKO-YOS?
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I WAS INTO THEM FIRST.
THEY'RE KUZCO-YOS,
REMEMBER?
I CAME TO SCHOOL
WITH ONE, LIKE,
2 WEEKS AGO.
I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.
YOU MUST BE THINKING
OF MARBLES.
YEAH. KUZCO'S ALWAYS
BEEN INTO MARBLES.
MARBLES? NO.
IT WAS KUZCO-YOS.
I WAS INTO THEM FIRST.
I RULE.
THOSE BOYS AND
THEIR RIDICULOUS TRENDS.
DON'T THEY REALIZE FADS
JUST COME AND GO?
SERIOUSLY, DOING
YOUR OWN THING IS
WAY MORE IMPORTANT
THAN TRYING TO DO
WHAT'S COOLEST.
NOW COME ON.
LET'S GO SHOW EVERYONE
OUR HOT NEW
PLATFORM SMUGG BOOTS.
LOOK AT IT GO UP.
NOW LOOK AT IT GO DOWN.
UP.
DOWN.
UP.
DOWN.
UP.
DOWN.
UP.
DOWN.
UP.
DOWN.
UP.
DOWN.
OH, THAT WAS JUST RUDE.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
DISNEY--ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE, INC.
I'M NUMBER ONE!
YEAH, YOU MAY WANNA
GET THAT FINGER LOOKED AT.
IT'S, UH...
[SQUEAK SQUEAK]
FOAMY.
THEME MUSIC.
♪ HE'S ON HIS WAY
TO THE THRONE ♪
♪ HE'S ON HIS WAY TO SUCCESS ♪
♪ BUT HE HAS TO GO TO SCHOOL ♪
♪ HE'S GOT TO ACE THAT TEST ♪
♪ HE'S AN EMPEROR-TO-BE ♪
♪ AND HE'S TOTALLY-- ♪
YOU KNOW,
IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.
♪ EXACTLY ♪
♪ LET'S GO ♪
♪ HE'S GOIN'
TO KUZCO ACADEMY ♪
♪ KUZCO ACADEMY ♪
♪ HE'S GOT TO LEARN
HIS ABCs ♪
♪ DON'T TRY TO STOP HIM,
TO TOP HIM ♪
TO DESTROY HIM,
RIGHT?
UH...
♪ K-U-Z-C-O ♪
♪ KUZCO, KUZCO, GO, GO ♪
♪ HE'S GOT THE COOL ♪
♪ HE'S GOT THE CHARM
AND THE LOOKS ♪
♪ AND A HOTTIE
THAN CAN HELP HIM ♪
♪ READ THAT THING CALLED BOOK ♪
♪ LET'S GO ♪
♪ HE'S GOIN'
TO KUZCO ACADEMY ♪
♪ COME ON, KUZCO ♪
♪ HE'S GOT TO FULFILL
HIS DESTINY ♪
♪ HIS FRIENDS ARE LOYAL ♪
♪ IT'S ROYAL, THEY'LL HELP
AGAINST THE FOIL-- ♪
FRIENDS? I THOUGHT
THIS WAS ALL ABOUT ME.
HEH HEH.
SPELL MY NAME AGAIN.
♪ K-U-Z-C-O ♪
♪ KUZCO, KUZCO,
GO, GO ♪
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
DISNEY--ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP
THIS IS ODD.
USUALLY IT'S MORE SCHOOLY
AND TEACHERY IN HERE.
[CROWD CHEERING]
OOH. I HEAR CHEERING.
MAYBE IT'S
A SURPRISE KUZCO RALLY.
[CHEERING,
RHYTHMIC CLAPPING]
WELL, NEVER
UNDERSTOOD THE POINT
OF THESE PEP THINGIES,
BUT, UH...
[ECHOING] THE OBJECT
OF YOUR AFFECTION IS HERE!
[CHEERING STOPS]
WE'RE NOT CHEERING
FOR YOU!
WE'RE CHEERING FOR HIM!
[CHEERING]
YAY! YAY!
VICTOR E. LLAMA! WHOO!
HELLO! YOU'RE CHEERING
FOR A BIG, UGLY POODLE?
WHAT IS WITH
YOU PEOP--UHH!
[CRASH]
[BLEATS]
OH, ARE YOU OK, SIR?
I DON'T GET IT, GUACA.
WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE
CHEERING FOR SOMETHING
THAT'S NOT ME?
'CAUSE HE'S
VICTOR E. LLAMA,
THE SCHOOL'S MASCOT.
UH...
HE'S GETTING EVERYBODY
PEPPED UP
FOR THE BIG
HOMECOMING GAME AGAINST
MICCHU PACHU HIGH.
HMM.
HE MARCHES OUT
EVERY TIME WE SCORE,
MOTIVATING
OUR KUZCOBALL TEAM.
YEAH, DOESN'T
RING A BELL.
HAVEN'T YOU SEEN
EVERYBODY WITH THEIR
VICTOR E. LLAMA GEAR?
THE PENNANTS?
THE MUDFLAPS?
THE TOILET SEAT COVERS?
[FLUSH]
OH. SO THAT'S
WHY MY KUZCO BLING
HASN'T BEEN SELLING.
GET YOUR KUZCO JUNK FREE
WITH ANY VICTOR E. LLAMA
PURCHASE.
KUZCO,
VICTOR'S EVERYWHERE.
HAVEN'T YOU EVER
BEEN TO A GAME,
A PEP RALLY,
AN ASSEMBLY?
PUH-LEASE.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
TO RAISE SCHOOL SPIRIT.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
I'M CLEARLY BETTER
THAN SOME STUPID POODLE.
IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK
THAT FOR ONCE,
THE FOCUS ISN'T
ENTIRELY ON YOU?
SILLY MALINA,
ASKING QUESTIONS
YOU ALREADY KNOW
THE ANSWER TO.
THIS SCHOOL'S
ONLY BIG ENOUGH
FOR ONE OF US,
AND I WAS HERE SECOND.
[LAUGHS]
KUZCO HAS LITTLE RAINBOWS
ON HIS UNDERWEARS.
[LAUGHTER]
THEY'RE NOT RAINBOWS.
THEY'RE
RAINBOW-COLORED HEARTS.
I BOUGHT THEM
FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.
[LAUGHTER]
THIS YEAR'S
HOMECOMING GAME
IS ALSO MY HIGH SCHOOL'S
30th REUNION.
YOU MEAN 130th.
I'M 48, KRONK.
IN DOG YEARS.
I WAS THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL GIRL
IN SCHOOL.
SAYS HERE...
NEVER MIND THAT,
BECAUSE TOMORROW
I'LL BE CROWNED
UNNAMED ACADEMY'S
MOST ACCOMPLISHED ALUM.
UNNAMED ACADEMY?
THAT'S WHAT
WE CALLED KUZCO ACADEMY
BEFORE KUZCO WAS BORN.
CATCHY.
AND WHEN I WIN,
I'LL SHOVE THAT AWARD
IN MARGO ONEUPHER'S
UGLY, BLEMISH-FREE FACE.
MARGO ONEUPHER?
WINNER OF
THE SCIENCE FAIR.
I MADE A CLOCK
OUT OF A POTATO.
SHE MADE A TIME MACHINE.
IN OUR SCHOOL'S
PRODUCTION
OF THE BEAUTIFUL
PRINCESS AND
THE EVIL QUEEN,
MARGO WAS CAST AS
THE BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS,
WHILE I WAS--
THE EVIL QUEEN?
NO. TREE NUMBER 3.
SHE ALSO SNAGGED
THE SCHOOL'S
BIGGEST DREAMBOAT,
CHAMP HUNKANO.
PLUS SHE GOT
THE WHOLE SCHOOL
TO CALL ME
PIGEON LEGS.
HA HA HA!
PIGEON LEGS!
CAN SEE WHERE
THEY GOT THAT.
LOT OF NICKNAMES DON'T FIT,
BUT THEY REALLY NAILED YOU.
HEH.
[SQUEAK]
THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
[FIGHT SONG PLAYING]
[BLEATS]
BAN THE POODLE!
GET RID OF VIC
EXTRA QUICK!
MAKE THAT LLAMA A GONA.
KUZCO,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GETTING THE 37,000
SIGNATURES I NEED
TO REMOVE VICTOR
AS MASCOT.
HOW MANY HAVE YOU GOT?
WELL, INCLUDING ME...
2.
KUZCO AND GUACA.
UH, WH--I ALSO HAVE
DOYLE AS A MAYBE.
[GRUNTS]
[SIGHS] KUZCO.
YOU BETTER THINK
OF ANOTHER PLAN.
VICTOR,
[MUTTERS]
YOU DUMB POODLE,
[NORMAL] COME GET
SOME DINNER. GO ON. GO ON.
[SNIFFS]
AHA!
[SHATTERS]
REVENGE IS A DISH
BEST SERVED LUKEWARM,
AND YOU,
MY CANINE FRIEND,
JUST ATE A HEAPING
PLATEFUL OF IT
TOPPED WITH FUR-BE-GONE.
"DOES NOT WORK ON LLAMAS."
YOW!
[FWOOSH]
AAH!
EH. I'LL JUST
LOCK HIM UP SOMEWHERE.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
HELLO,
UNNAMED ACADEMY.
WELL, IF IT ISN'T
OLD PIGEON LEGS.
[LAUGHTER]
MARGO. [CHUCKLES]
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
AHH, OBSCENELY RICH
FROM MY ONEUPHER
YOUTH CREAM.
DIDN'T YOU GET SOME?
OBVIOUSLY NOT.
OHH. AND YOU?
LATELY I'VE BEEN
DIPPING MY TOES IN
THE EMPEROR TOPPLING BUSINESS.
SO, HOW MANY EMPERORS
HAVE YOU TOPPLED?
UH, ACTUALLY--HEH HEH--
I'M STILL WORKING
ON MY, UH--AHEM--FIRST.
[LAUGHTER]
OH, PIGEON LEGS.
I GUESS SOME THINGS
NEVER CHANGE.
B-BUT YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND.
THIS ONE'S CRAFTY,
CUNNING--
KUZCO?!
NOTHIN' TO SEE HERE.
[CHUCKLES]
[BLEATS]
JUST AN EMPEROR--HEH--
AND HIS STUPID LLAMA.
OH, YES, YZMA,
HE'S VERY CRAFTY.
[LAUGHTER]
GUESS YOU COULD SAY
I GOT THE SPOTLIGHT
ALL LOCKED UP.
[BLEATS]
SHUT UP, POODLE.
[CHEERING]
♪ TELL YOUR PAPA,
TELL YOUR MAMA ♪
♪ HERE COMES A HAPPY
VICTOR E. LLAMA ♪
[CHEERING QUIETS]
WHERE'S VICTOR?!
KUZCO ACADEMY HAS A NEW,
MORE FITTING MASCOT--
KUZCO!
[BOOING]
NO VICTOR?
[SCOFFS]
I'M OUTTA HERE.
SCHOOL SPIRIT'S
DEAD TO ME.
KUZCO, WHERE'S VICTOR?
WHO CARES? I'M HERE.
THAT'S WHAT MATTERS.
OK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID,
BUT YOU'D BETTER FIX IT.
WITHOUT VICTOR
INSPIRING SCHOOL SPIRIT,
THE FANS ARE LEAVING.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU'RE SAYING THIS WHOLE
PEP-MASCOT-SCHOOL-SPIRIT
THING
ACTUALLY MATTERS
TO YOU PEOPLE?
YES, AND WITHOUT IT,
OUR TEAM WILL PROBABLY LOSE,
AND EVERYONE WILL BLAME YOU.
FINE. I'LL LET
THE POODLE OUT,
BUT ONLY IF HE PROMISES
NOT TO EMBARRASS ME...
AND ADMITS HE'S UGLY.
KUZCO, LLAMAS CAN'T TALK.
GOOD CATCH.
I'LL GET IT IN WRITING.
YO, YZMA,
HOW'S IT SHAKIN'?
CHAMP HUNKANO.
YOU KNOW, I WAS TOTALLY
CRUSHIN' ON YOU
IN HIGH SCHOOL,
BUT I DIDN'T THINK
I HAD A CHANCE,
SO I JUST DATED THE CLEANER,
MORE POPULAR MARGO INSTEAD.
ANYWAY, YOU WANNA DANCE?
HUNKA-YES.
OH, I FORGOT SOMETHIN'.
NOW DON'T MOVE AN INCH.
ACTUALLY, A LITTLE BIT
TO THE LEFT.
NO, NOT SO FAR.
NO, NO. NO, BACK A BIT.
IS HERE GOOD?
PERFECT!
[LAUGHTER]
Both: PIGEON LEGS.
All: PIGEON LEGS.
PIGEON LEGS.
HUH? WHAT?
AW, HE HAS TO
BE IN HERE SOMEWHERE.
"YOUR MASCOT WAS TAKEN
BY MICCHU PACHU HIGH.
"COME SEE OUR PRODUCTION
OF THE BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS
AND THE EVIL QUEEN,
PLAYING THE 15th
THROUGH THE 17th."
PEANUT PUFFS!
GET YOUR RED-HOT
PEANUT PUFFS!
KRONK, YOU GOTTA
HELP ME FIND VICTOR.
I LOOKED EVERYWHERE--
DESKS, CLAY POTS.
I FOUND 3 CAMELS
AND AN ALPACA, BUT NO LLAMA!
YOU'RE LOOKIN' FOR LLAMA
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES.
MALINA SAYS IF I CAN'T
GET THE LLAMA BACK,
EVERYONE'LL HATE ME.
REMINDS ME OF A STORY
ABOUT A GUY--
REAL JERK,
USED TO BE EMPEROR--
GOT TURNED INTO A LLAMA.
YEAH. KRONK,
THAT JERK WAS ME.
AH. YOU WERE A LLAMA.
NOW YOU NEED A LLAMA.
IRONIC. TOO BAD
IT DOESN'T APPLY
TO YOUR SITUATION.
[GASPS] YZMA.
UHH!
OOF. YZMA, YOU'VE GOT
A LLAMA POTION.
I NEED A LLAMA POTION,
AND POTIONS SOLVE
ALL LIFE'S PROBLEMS.
"POTIONS MAY NOT
SOLVE EVERYTHING.
"SIDE EFFECTS
MAY INCLUDE ITCHY HOOF,
STINKY BREATH,
AND HAIRBALLS."
YOU'RE RIGHT.
POTIONS DO SOLVE
ALL LIFE'S PROBLEMS,
INCLUDING MINE.
I'LL HELP YOU,
BUT FIRST
YOU HAVE TO HELP ME
WITH MY SECRET PLAN.
FINALLY I'LL HAVE
MY REVENGE!
YEAH. UH,
I'M NO MORALITY EXPERT
OR ANYTHING...
CLEARLY.
BUT ISN'T THE WHOLE
REVENGE THING A BIG NO-NO?
I'M EVIL.
WHAT DO I CARE?
AND THE AWARD FOR THE MOST
ACCOMPLISHED ALUM GOES TO...
MARGO ONEUPHER!
[CHEERING]
[SIGHS] I'D LIKE TO THANK
YOU ALL FOR THIS AWARD,
BUT MOST OF ALL,
I WANNA THANK YZMA...
FOR ALWAYS MAKING ME
LOOK GOOD BY BEING
SUCH A FAILURE.
[LAUGHTER]
HERE'S TO NOT BEING YZMA.
[COOING]
[COOING]
AHA! NOW THOSE
ARE PIGEON LEGS.
[CHUCKLES]
YOU CALLED ME PIGEON LEGS.
NOW I'M CALLING YOU
PIGEON LEGS. [LAUGHS]
HIGH-FIVE, KUZCO.
GOTTA GO.
WHAT'S THE POINT OF CHEERING
IF THERE'S NO DANCIN' LLAMA?
[FANFARE PLAYING]
Kuzco: OHH, I HOPE
NOBODY RECOGNIZES ME.
THAT'S NOT VICTOR!
THAT'S KUZCO!
HEY, HEY, HEY!
OHH! [MUTTERS]
WHAT IS THIS DOING HERE?
[GROANS]
[LAUGHTER]
THAT'S HILARIOUS!
THAT'S THE FUNNIEST
THING EVER.
HILARIOUS! HEH!
WE WANNA SEE THAT AGAIN!
YOU CAN, IF WE
GET ANOTHER GOAL,
SO LET'S HEAR
SOME NOISE!
[CHEERING]
[WHISTLE]
[TAP-DANCING]
[WHISTLES]
[CHEERING]
LUCKY FOR US KUZCO ACADEMY
DID MOST OF THEIR SCORING
IN THE FOURTH QUARTER,
WHEN EVERY GOAL IS WORTH 25
INSTEAD OF JUST ONE.
UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
UH-HUH. UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
BOOM, BABY!
[CRACK]
OUCH.
[LAUGHTER]
HEY, MALINA.
NOTICE ANYTHING
DIFFERENT?
YOU'RE STANDING
IN LLAMA SPIT.
EWW.
NO, I MEAN
MY AWESOME KUZCO-YO.
I FOUND IT
IN THE ATTIC.
IT COMBINES 2 OF MY
FAVORITE THINGS--
SHOWING OFF
AND DOING
ALMOST NO
PHYSICAL ACTIVITY.
OH, THAT'S GREAT.
CHECK IT OUT.
I CALL THIS ONE
WALKING THE LLAMA.
AND THIS ONE'S
CALLED THE BAM-BOOMER.
AND THIS ONE'S CALLED
MILKING THE ARMADILLO.
AND HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU
TO LEARN ALL THAT?
17 WEEKS,
BUT IT'LL BE WORTH IT
WHEN I WALK INTO
THE SCHOOL AND SAY...
BASK, FOLLOWERS,
IN THE AWESOMENESS
THAT IS MY KUZCO-YO.
UH, HELLO. YOU GUYS
ARE MISSING OUT
ON THE AWESOMENESS.
SORRY, KUZCO.
WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE
OF A SHUACA
QUEST GAME.
IT'S
THE NEWEST THING.
A CARD GAME?
BUT THAT'S FOR KIDS.
IT'S GOT NONE OF
THE MATURE SOPHISTICATION
OF THE KUZCO-YO.
KUZCO, SHUACA QUEST
IS FOR GAMING ENTHUSIASTS
OF ALL AGES,
FROM GRAND SORCERERS
LIKE ME...
TO LOWLY DWARVES
LIKE ME.
DID I GIVE YOU
PERMISSION TO SPEAK?!
COME ON, GUACA.
BACK ME UP ON THIS.
KUZCO-YOS RULE.
RIGHT?
ONLY THING
THAT TRULY RULES
IS MY PLUS-10
OGRE SLAYING CARD.
LET'S DO THIS, KAVOGRE.
SILLY OGRE,
PAPER ALWAYS BEATS ROCK.
HUHH!
KAVO BOW
TO GUACA'S POWER.
WHERE ARE YOUR
SHUACA QUEST
CARDS, SIR?
I'LL BET
THEY RULE.
YEAH.
WHERE ARE THEY?
YOU DO HAVE SOME, RIGHT?
UH, YEAH. I GOT TONS OF
SQUAWKER QUEST CARDS,
BECAUSE I WAS
WAY INTO THEM, LIKE, WAY
BEFORE YOU FOLLOWERS.
I, UH, JUST
TOOK 'EM IN TO BE...
DRY-CLEANED.
THAT CARD GAME
IS SUCH A SILLY TREND.
YEAH, NOT LIKE OUR
TIMELESS DESIGNER
TRUCKER HATS.
QUICK, GIVE ME ALL
THE SHUACA QUEST PACKS
THAT 37 KUZCOINS
WILL BUY.
NO REFUNDS.
ME, TOO.
WHAT'S THIS JUNK?
"THE SAGGING WAND."
"THE WELL-LIT CAVE."
"CUDDLES THE TROLL."
THESE CARDS STINK.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S
SEE WHAT I GOT.
"GNARL THE SABER CAT."
"THE FORTRESS OF FURY."
"LORD IRONCLAW."
[DING]
OOH. SORRY YOU GOT
SUCH LAME CARDS, KRONK.
NOT LIKE MY, UH, SWEET
CUDDLES THE TROLL CARD HERE.
CUDDLES THE TROLL?
WHAT DOES HE DO?
WHAT DOESN'T HE DO?
HE, UH,
WEARS RED SUSPENDERS
AND PICKS FLOWERS
AND DEFEATS ENEMIES
USING HIS SECRET WEAPON
OF KINDNESS.
UH, WELL, I--
HEH HEH. I DO LIKE
HIS SUSPENDERS.
UH, YEAH.
HIS SUSPENDERS ARE THE BEST.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I HATE
TO GIVE UP THIS CARD,
BUT, UM, GO ON. TAKE IT.
AND IN RETURN, YOU CAN JUST
GIVE ME, OH, I DON'T KNOW...
YOUR LAME, OLD LORD IRONCLAW.
CUDDLES FOR IRONCLAW...
WELLLLLL...
OK.
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
NOTHING.
YOU'RE LAUGHING
MANIACALLY LIKE YOU JUST
PULLED A FAST ONE.
NO. I WAS JUST, UM...
THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING
I SAW YESTERDAY...
A LLAMA FALLING IN THE MUD.
AH HA HA! A LLAMA
FALLIN' IN THE MUD!
NO WONDER
YOU'RE LAUGHIN'!
THAT'S CLASSIC!
HA! AH HA HA HA!
HELLO, LOSERS.
IT'D BE A SHAME
IF YOUR LITTLE PARTY
WAS CRASHED BY
LORD IRONCLAW.
[LAUGHTER]
LORD IRONCLAW!
THAT IS
THE WORST CARD EVER!
A SINGLE PLAY
OF ANY WATER CARD
TURNS HIM INTO
A WORTHLESS, RUSTY MESS.
OBSERVE.
I SUMMON THE FLOODS
OF SHUACA!
[CLANK]
OIL...CAN.
THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.
[LAUGHTER]
HEH HEH HEH.
CAN'T GET OVER
THAT LLAMA IN THE MUD.
IT'S FUNNY STUFF.
OOH! OOH! SHUACA QUEST!
CAN I PLAY?!
I JUST GOT THIS
REALLY NEAT CUDDLES
THE TROLL CARD.
[CHOIR SINGS]
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
KRONK HAVE
CUDDLES TROLL?
PRETTY LAME, HUH, GUYS?
YEAH. NOW WE CAN
ALL MAKE FUN OF KRONK
INSTEAD OF ME.
I'LL GET US STARTED.
HA HA! LOSER.
KUZCO, CUDDLES THE TROLL
IS THE RAREST,
MOST POWERFUL CARD
IN THE GAME.
HIS SUSPENDERS DOUBLE
AS ANCIENT GAMMA SWORDS,
AND HE
HAS AN IMPENETRABLE
SHIELD OF KINDNESS.
UH, I KNEW THAT.
[WHISPERING]
Kronk, trade me back.
NO WAY. LORD IRONCLAW
FOR CUDDLES THE TROLL?
ONLY AN IDIOT
WOULD MAKE THAT TRADE.
[BLINK]
NO OFFENSE.
AND THEN WE'LL SEND OVER
A BASKET OF MUFFINS
THAT WILL TURN KUZCO
INTO AN ANIMAL.
HE'LL NEVER
SUSPECT THAT.
YEAH, YEAH.
ANIMAL. RIGHT.
HEY, CAN WE WRAP THIS UP?
I GOT A 4:00
SHUACA QUEST GAME WITH GUACA.
OH, DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE
INTO THAT INFERNAL GAME,
TOO.
OH, YEAH. IT'S GREAT,
ESPECIALLY WHEN
YOU HAVE AN UNBEATABLE CARD
LIKE MY CUDDLES THE TROLL.
NO WONDER KUZCO WOULD GIVE
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD FOR IT.
ANYTHING!
KRONK,
YOU STUPID GENIUS!
THAT'S IT!
ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS TRADE YOUR SILLY CARD
TO KUZCO FOR HIS
RIGHTS TO THE THRONE.
[GASPS]
FINALLY I'LL BE EMPRESS!
OOH, IT'S SO EASY.
NOW HAND ME
THAT CARD, KRONK.
WELL, I, UH...
NO, THANKS.
WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
I LIKE CUDDLES.
HE'S A LOVABLE REBEL, LIKE ME.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
CUDDLES AND I HAVE
AN EPIC BATTLE TO WAGE
FOR THE FUTURE OF THE WORLD
BEFORE GUACA'S
6:00 CURFEW.
ANOTHER LORD IRONCLAW?
COME ON. WHERE ARE
ALL THE CUDDLES
THE TROLL CARDS?
THEY ONLY MADE
ONE CUDDLES,
AND SOME GUY
GOT IT YESTERDAY.
YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME
THAT BEFORE I STARTED
THAT FUNDRAISING SCHEME
TO PAY FOR THESE CARDS.
I KNOW. [CHUCKLES]
I COULDA.
SIR, I'M STILL
HAVING TROUBLE
SELLING MY SHARE
OF KUZCOBARS.
ALL RIGHT. LOOKS LIKE
IT'S TIME FOR PLANS "B"
THROUGH "D."
CAN YOU BELIEVE KUZCO'S
STILL SO CAUGHT UP
IN SUCH AN OBVIOUS FAD?
YEAH. IT'S SAD, REALLY.
HEY, LET'S GO SHOW OFF
OUR STYLISH NEW ALLIGATOR
PURSES.
OK!
OH, HEY, KRONK.
I WAS JUST IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
AND THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
WANNA CHECK OUT THIS
AWESOME UNICORN EGG I FOUND.
[GASPS] UNICORN EGG.
TO HATCH
A REAL, LIVE UNICORN?
WH-WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO WITH IT?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
PROBABLY JUST FLY AROUND ON IT,
MAKE IT GRANT ME WISHES.
YOU KNOW, THE USUAL.
WOW.
YEAH. I WOULDN'T TRADE
THIS HERE UNICORN EGG
FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD,
EXCEPT MAYBE
A CUDDLES THE TROLL CARD.
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
HELLO. MY NAME
IS JOHN WAGNER,
AND YOU DEFINITELY
DON'T KNOW ME.
I'M COLLECTING DONATIONS
FOR THE GREAT INCAN DROUGHT.
IF WE DON'T ACT SOON,
CROPS WILL DIE,
ANIMALS WILL STARVE.
[GASPS]
ANIMALS WILL STARVE,
EVEN THE BABY DUCKS?
ESPECIALLY THE BABY DUCKS.
OHH! HERE. TAKE IT.
IT'S ONLY
37,000 KUZCOINS,
BUT IT'S
ALL I'VE GOT.
WELL, THAT'S A START,
BUT WHAT WE'RE
REALLY LOOKING FOR
ARE VALUABLE
SHUACA QUEST CARDS.
WELL, I HATE
TO GIVE THIS UP,
BUT IF IT WILL HELP
SAVE EVEN ONE BABY DUCK
FROM THE DROUGHT...
[THUNDER]
YAY! THE BABY DUCKS
ARE SAVED!
STUPID KRONK AND
HIS STUPIDLY AWESOME
CUDDLES THE TROLL.
I'M NEVER GONNA THINK
OF A WAY TO GET THAT CARD.
CHEER UP, KUZCO.
SOMEONE SENT YOU
A DELICIOUS
MUFFIN BASKET.
IT'S FROM YZMA.
SHE SENDS 'EM ALL THE TIME
TO TRY TO TURN ME
INTO AN ANIMAL.
[DING] THAT'S IT!
WHAT WAS
THAT DING SOUND?
MY IDEA DING.
HAPPENS EVERY TIME
I HAVE AN IDEA.
THAT'S NOT NORMAL,
KUZCO.
YOU SHOULD GET THAT
CHECKED OUT.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[MEOWS]
[GASPS] OHH!
AN OCELOT KITTEN.
I'M GONNA FEED YOU
AND LOVE YOU
AND PLAY
SHUACA QUEST WITH YOU
ALL DAY AND NIGHT.
LET ME GET MY CARDS.
[MEOWS]
WAIT A MINUTE.
BEFORE I TAKE IN A STRAY,
I NEED TO TAKE YOU TO THE VET.
[KUZCO YOWLS]
Kuzco: OH,
FOR THE LOVE OF...
[POWER TOOL WHIRS]
YEOW!
YOU WERE SUCH
A BRAVE LITTLE KITTY.
NOW WAIT HERE WHILE I
FIND YOU A COLLAR.
[TREMBLES]
HA HA! FINALLY.
I'M THE MOST POWERFUL
SHUACA QUEST PLAYER
IN THE WORLD.
NOW THAT I HAVE...
[WHEEZE]
THE SICKLY WOLF?
I GRABBED THE WRONG CARD?
[SIGHS] I'LL NEVER GET
THAT STUPID CUDDLES CARD.
MIGHT AS WELL GO BACK
TO MY STUPID KUZCO-YO.
HEY, KUZCO, HAVE YOU
SEEN AN OCELOT KITTEN
AROUND HERE?
BROWN FUR,
KINDA UGLY, AND--
OOH, OOH, OOH!
WHAT IS THAT?!
YEAH, YEAH. LAUGH IT UP.
IT'S A KUZCO-YO.
HOW DO YOU MAKE IT GO UP?
HOW DO YOU MAKE IT GO DOWN?
HOW DO I GET ONE?
[DING]
WHAT WAS THAT DING SOUND?
NOTHING. FORGET IT.
LOOK,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL GIVE YOU
MY KUZCO-YO
IF YOU GIVE ME
YOUR CUDDLES
THE TROLL CARD
AND ALSO EAT
A JAR OF MAYONNAISE.
DEAL.
BASK, FOLLOWERS,
IN THE AWESOMENESS
THAT IS CUDDLES
THE TROLL.
TCCH. SHUACA QUEST
WAS JUST A FAD, KUZCO.
ONLY BABIES PLAY
CARD GAMES THESE DAYS.
WHAT? SINCE WHEN?
SINCE THIS MORNING,
WHEN KRONK SHOWED US
HOW AWESOME
KRONKO-YOS ARE.
KRONK RULES!
WHAT? KRONKO-YOS?
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I WAS INTO THEM FIRST.
THEY'RE KUZCO-YOS,
REMEMBER?
I CAME TO SCHOOL
WITH ONE, LIKE,
2 WEEKS AGO.
I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.
YOU MUST BE THINKING
OF MARBLES.
YEAH. KUZCO'S ALWAYS
BEEN INTO MARBLES.
MARBLES? NO.
IT WAS KUZCO-YOS.
I WAS INTO THEM FIRST.
I RULE.
THOSE BOYS AND
THEIR RIDICULOUS TRENDS.
DON'T THEY REALIZE FADS
JUST COME AND GO?
SERIOUSLY, DOING
YOUR OWN THING IS
WAY MORE IMPORTANT
THAN TRYING TO DO
WHAT'S COOLEST.
NOW COME ON.
LET'S GO SHOW EVERYONE
OUR HOT NEW
PLATFORM SMUGG BOOTS.
LOOK AT IT GO UP.
NOW LOOK AT IT GO DOWN.
UP.
DOWN.
UP.
DOWN.
UP.
DOWN.
UP.
DOWN.
UP.
DOWN.
UP.
DOWN.
OH, THAT WAS JUST RUDE.
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