The Emperor's New School (2006–2008): Season 2, Episode 24 - Yzbot/The Puma Whisperer - full transcript

Isn't Incan technology amazing?
First pottery and now robots.

What's next - putting a llama
on the moon?

Ha-ha. Ha-ha. Ha-ha.
Theme music.

♪ He's on his way
to the throne

♪ He's on his way to success

♪ But he has to go to school,
he's got to ace that test

♪ He's an emperor-to-be,
and he's totally...

You know,
it's all about me.

Exactly.
Let's go.

♪ He's going to Kuzco Academy
♪ Kuzco Academy

♪ He's got to learn
his A, B, Cs



♪ Don't try to stop him
and top him

To destroy him, right?
Uh...

♪ K-U-Z-C-O

♪ Kuzco, Kuzco,
go, go

♪ He's got the cool, he's got
the charm and the looks

♪ And a hottie
that can help him

♪ Read that thing called book
Let's go.

♪ He's going to Kuzco Academy
Come on, dude.

♪ He's got to fulfill
his destiny

♪ His friends are loyal,
it's royal

♪ They'll help
against the foil

Friends? I thought this
was all about me.

Heh-heh.
Spell my name again.

♪ K-U-Z-C-O



♪ Kuzco, Kuzco,
go, go ♪

So... we, uh, turned Kuzco
into a monkey? Now what?

Now we get him to eat
a giant purple banana.

He'll get a horrible
stomachache.

Then we dress up
as monkey doctors
and, well, uh...

Aw, forget it.

(water dripping)

You ever feel like time
is slipping away?

Right now,
as a matter of fact.

Before you know it,
your dream has passed you by.

I'm in a smelly basement
with an old lady.
I'm livin' the dream.

But there's still time.
Since I was a little girl,
I've yearned to be -

Empress?
No.

A mommy dinosaur?
No.

I'm tapped.
A pop star.

(chuckles)

I'm not getting
any younger,
you know.

Yeah, I know.

I'm off to Hollywood.

I'm giving myself one week
to become a star.

Oh, I nearly forgot.

I need to leave someone
responsible in charge
while I'm gone.

Really?
I am so honored.

I'll keep the lab spic and pan,
guard the potion cabinet

and restock the snack drawer
with sour gummie toads.

Meet the Yzbot.

She'll be in charge
while I'm gone.

You don't trust me
with anything!

That's not true. I trust you
with, the, uh...

(stammers, drawn out)

...ha-ha, the fish tank.

Yay. I'm taking care
of Piranha Paul?

Thank you, Yzma.
I will not let you down.

This is Yzbot's remote.

You can use it to control her
in case of any emergency.

Otherwise, when I return,

I expect everything
to be exactly as I left it.

Hollywood, here I come.

Hi. I'm Kronk.

I'm in charge of
your remote control

and Piranha Paul.

Almost 3:00.

(bell rings)

I did it.

I actually did my homework
and got it in on time.

Sorry, Kuzco,
your homework is late.

One big fat "F" for you.

What? No, no, no.
My scroll hit the desk
before the bell.

After the bell,
which is late. "F."

But I got turned into a monkey
by one of Yzma's potions.

(scoffs)Like I haven't
heard that one before.

Kuzco, I am not required
to read late homework

unless commanded to do so
by my superior.

Great. I command you
to read my homework.

You are not my superior,
Kuzco.

That is Principal Amzy.

Whoa, whoa,
hold your llamas, people.

Let's just rewind
and see if my homework
really was late.

These are pretty handy,
by the way.

You guys should get one.
(bell rings)

OK, so, technically,
I was late.

Looks like Principal Amzy's
my only hope

of getting Moleguaco
to read that homework.

Fast-forward.

Running, running. Boring.

Running, running. Boring.

Running, running.

♪ Exercise

Running, running.

♪ Exercise ♪

Oof.

Yay, a beach.

It's not a beach.
It's the long jump sandpit.

And... where is it?
Where is it?

Aah, there ya are.

Ooh, dropped
my "Stop the Show" remote.

I got you. Mwah.
Mwah.

(both chuckle)

Bye.
Bye.

And now, class,
I am required to teach

the Kuzciodic
Table of Element.

And the only element
is... Kuzconium.

Bo-o-oring.

Aren't you tired
of listening to Mr. Shorty
Von Homework Failer?

I mean, what's up with those
big, freaky eyebrows?

Kuzco, sit down
and be quiet.
Huh?

But... uh, uh...
I said sit down!

But you're supposed
to be not hearing me
and not moving

so I can talk about you
and draw on you.

Stop! Stop crashing!
Stop!

Stop! Stop crashing!
Stop!

Come on. These are
new batteries.

Start stopping the show.

I just wanna mock people.
Is that so wrong?

(screaming)

(crash)

Destroy all carts.

Whoa, Yzma,
you been workin' out?

Wait, there's
something different.

Halt, Yzbot!

All right, Yzbot,
back to the secret lab.

I mean, uh, come on, Yzma,

back to your ce... ment cab.

You can't fool me, Kronk.
That's a robot.

Ooh, what I wouldn't give
for my own remote-control
Yzma.

Got it. Loan me
the robot,

and she can order Moleguaco
to read my homework.

Ooh, C-minus,
here I come.

Don't even think about it, pal.
Her remote is on the fritz.

Hey, that's my remote.

They must've got switched
when we fell in that beach.

So what's this thing do?

Who cares?
I need that robot.

No, I need that robot.

Yzma wants everything
just the way she left it,
or she'll never trust me again.

Look, I only need it
to order Moleguaco around
for, like, a half-hour, tops.

I promise.

You know, if there's one thing
I know about you, Kuzco,

it's that your word

is your bond.

Or is it
that you like to dip bacon
in ranch dressing? I forget.

Too late.
No takey backsies.
Heh-heh.

Hee-hee-hee. I hope
Moleguaco didn't make
any plans for this weekend.

He's got some homework
to grade.

Yeah, better get
right to it.

(slurps)

Ah. That's a good
yam smoothie.

And now I order you
to get me a mango fudge.

Chicken fight.

You're goin' down, sir.

Oh, you did not just sass
the mean and skinny.

Uh-oh.
(both scream)

I would like 15 pizzas
delivered to me next Friday.

(giggles)

Hmm, what next?

Oh, we could dress you up
as a monkey in a funny hat,
and then we - Huh?

Half-hour's up!

No, come back.

I never got Moleguaco
to read my homework.

I gotta get that remote back.

Hey, Kronkster.
Just thought I'd kick back
on your couch

with some frozen
microwave spinach puffs.

(gasps)Never!

My microwave puffs are so easy
to bake from scratch.

Step one -
preheat oven to 375.

Step two - lick the bowl.
No, that's step 22.

Oh, what the heck?

(Kronk licks bowl)

Don't be stingy.

Why don't you whip up
a triple batch there, chef?

Yep, I'm feeling
mighty peckish.

(chuckles)And brilliant.

Principal Amzy.
Oh, this is a surprise.

Had I known
you were coming,
I would've...

rolled on
some deodorant.

It matters not. I cannot smell.

Here, read Kuzco's homework.

He's a brilliant genius

and deserves extra consideration
from faculty, staff and police.

Police?
Stop right there!

I mean, excuse me. I would
like a word with Amzybot.

Er, uh, Yzbot.
Uh, the principal.

Who's not a robot.

Butt out, meathead.

Meathead? Kuzco,
gimme that remote.

I'm not done.
Give it to me.

But I'm so close.
(Kronk, indistinct)

(Kronk)Gimme that!

My passing grade
is getting away.

(all screaming)

The crazy thing's
on a rampage.

A rampage of not getting
my homework read.

Give... me... that.

(both grunt)

Oh, no, it's busted!

And so is the robo thingie.

Let me just check
the literature.

"Quick start, replacing
potion cartridges,
troubleshooting."

Here we go. "In the event
of a damaged remote, the robot
will immediately shut down."

OK. Let's get it back
to the not-so-secret lab

and get it into tiptop
Moleguaco-manipulatin' shape.

"The robo will reboot and resort
to its prime directive."

What's that mean?

"The robot's prime directive
is..."

Destroy Kuzco.
Destroy Kuzco.

Yzma wanted everything
exactly the same
when she got back.

She'll never trust me again.

Well, I'm stuck
with a big fat "F."
We gotta catch that thing.

I have an idea,
but you'll have to trust me.

Step right up, folks,

anybody with
robotically good aim.

Try and send Kuzco into the...

Dunk Tank O' Teeth.

And you promise
you'll stop Yzbot

before she gets off
a single pitch, right?

I said I would.
Nobody trusts me.

Forget it. Just forget it.

Destroy Kuzco.

Kronk, get back here.

(ding)

(whimpers)

(screams)

(whimpers)

Wow, this thing
is a showstopper.

I'm about
to save Kuzco's neck,
but it goes by real fast,

so I didn't want you
to miss it. Let's watch.

(whimpers and cries)

Oh, man. I was this close
to turning the tables
on her.

Thanks for saving me.
Sorry I didn't trust you.

Yeah, join the club. Yzma
will never trust me again

when she sees
that her beloved robot
is just a head.

Hey, that's all I need
to pass.

(Kuzco imitates Amzy)
Mr. Moleguaco,

I command you to read
Kuzco's homework.Capisce?

But it's Saturday,

and I orderedLlamarama IV
on pay-per-watch.

How about I give him a D-minus
and we call it a weekend?

C-plus. He actually did
the homework.

C-minus.
That's my final offer.

Put on pants,
and we've got a deal.

If you insist.

Kronk, I'm home.

Well, hey, Incan Idol.
How was your trip?

Oh, horrible. Hollywood
just wasn't ready for me.

(eagle screes)

Everything, I take it,
is exactly as I left it?

Like you were never gone.

And how did you manage
with your little
responsibility?

(gasps)Piranha Paul.

(wheezes)

Kronk!

Talent day
is finally here.

My talent is, of course,

the ability to put up
with your talent.

Now, does everyone
have their fish?

Uh, what's this for, again?

♪ I love to play
the ukelele-ele-ele

♪ 'Cause the uke is fun
to play-le-ele-ele

♪ I practice all morning
and I practice all night

♪ So I could play the Talent
Day-le-ele-ele ♪

(♪ Irish jig)

(♪ circus)

(♪ Spanish)

(boy wolf-whistles)

(all)Ahh.

When the puffs
turn golden brown,

I serve with a mango
vinaigrette dipping sauce
for an easy family meal

or a complicated
after-school snack.

Thank you.

(crickets chirping)

Uh, Kuzco, for Talent Day,

it's best
to actually have a talent.

My talent is bein' me.

So that's what
the fish is for.

(Kuzco)Hey.

Don't worry, Kuzco.

Everyone has some kind
of talent.

Maybe yours is getting hit
by dead fish. Hee-hee-hee.

Hoo-hoo-hoo,
check out the funny guy.

Those stand-up classes
are really paying off.

Hey, you know,
if this llama-herding gig
doesn't work out,

maybe you should go
on tour.

(pumas snarl)
What?

You can also do
realistic animal
impersonations?

Neat.
(growling)

Nice kitties.
(snarl)

(snarling)

(roars like lion)

(growls)

(all snarl)

(roars)

(Pacha roars)

Hi-yah!
Chu-chai-chah!

Yeah, you better run.
Kuzco, you OK?

Pacha, you missed
all the action.

I just out-dodged a pack
of emperor-hungry pumas.

Dodge.

Whoosh!

Doodge.
Doodge?

It's a combo.
Dodge-whoosh. Doodge?

Ha-ha-ha. Well, Kuzco,
maybe you have a talent
after all.

Scared
of a few dozen pumas?

Uh, slides, please.

So there I was, surrounded by
ferocious emperor-eating pumas.

Sure, a regular
scaredy-type person

would have cried
like a little baby.

But not Kuzco,
because I have a super talent.

Dodging.
You mean running away.

No, dodging.

Running.
Dodging.

Running.
Dodging.

Running.
Dodging.

Running.
Dodging. Dodging!

Pacha, I think I know
who the real hero was,

but you're just gonna
sit there and let him
lie to our children?

Oh, what's the harm?
I'm sure he'll forget
all about it by tomorrow.

(swish, swish)

(swish-swish)

(swishing)

What are you doing?

Dodging.
That's my talent.

I'm thrilled
to hear you are
no longer talentless.

But class is over,
and I'm supposed to have
this period to myself.

But I got
the sound effects guy
for another 30 minutes.

(swishing)

Too fast for ya?
Yeah. It's my talent.

Whassup?

Over here.

So, Kuzco,
I've been thinking.

How exactly
do you scare off pumas
by dodging them?

What am I,
a pumatologist?

I dodge the pumas,
and they run.

Let science
figure out why.

We think Pacha
scare puma.

Pacha?

He's too slow.

I believe it was you, sir.

Good boy.
Have a cookie.

(crunch)And even if
I didn't believe it was you,

I'd still believe
it was you, sir.

Even though it's the most
unbelievable story
I'd ever heard,

I still believe it,
and I'm gonna help you
prove it.

A grudge match
between Kuzco and pumas?

I love it!

In fact,
the academy will sponsor
the entire event.

We'll ship in the world's
most ferocious pumas,
really hungry ones,

ones that haven't eaten
in three weeks,

with a preference
for emperors.

(snarl)

Well, since you went
to all the trouble

of making
those posters,

I guess
I could do this.

Yeah. Yeah.
I can do this.

(announcer over P.A.)
Welcome to Kuzcomania!

Puma Paws!
Get your Puma Paws!

(crowd murmuring)

Ooh, is that where Kuzco's
gonna be ripped to pieces
by pumas?

No, dear,
shredded to pieces.

But only if your daddy
can't stop him.

(all sigh)

Ooh, ooh, meat mugs!
Can we get some?

Please?
Please? Please?

Ooh. All right,
to the left.

Now to the right.

Ohh, when I'm emperor,
remind me to make you
Royal Back Walker.

I'd be honored, sir.

Ah, say, Guaca,

could you go empty
Kuzco's spit bucket?

It's what I live for.
Thank you, thank you.

Kuzco, we need to talk.

Well, you better
do it now,

'cause I'm gonna be
real busy after the match,

what with all
the talk shows,
book signings and -

Kuzco, I can't let you go
out there.

You could be killed.
Hey...

Look, it might be hard
for you to understand,

but I have a talent
for this.

I am the puma dodger.
Kuzco...

Oh, and the password
for the victory party
is "Kuzco rocks."

There's not gonna be
a victory party.

Unless the pumas throw one.

Uh, why would the pumas
throw me a party?

That day in the meadow,
you didn't scare off
the pumas, I did.

I see.
So you're the puma tamer?

Mm-hmm?

Sounds like someone's jealous
of my talentedness.

OK. I thought
you'd react this way.

That's why I brought this.

(yowling)
(Kuzco)Aah!
Get it off! Get it off!

(screams,
cries)

You still wanna do this?

Uhh, all right.
You made your point.

So, we can cancel
all of this?

Yeah, right,
and be so humiliated

that when I finally do
become emperor,

I'll be forever known
as Emperor Scaredy
McScaredy Pants.

OK, what, then?
It's time
for Kuzco's Doodles,

the part of the show
where I come up
with a plan,

a plan of how to keep this
attached to this

without everyone thinking
I'm one of these.

'K, first
we buy a big crane
from the crane store.

Then it lifts me
up in the air

right when
it's kitty feeding time.

Won't people see the crane?

No, because... you planted
a hedge in front of it.

And then we return the crane
to the crane store

and tell 'em we didn't like
the color.(chuckles)

How about I hide
in a barrel right next to ya
and tame the pumas from there?

Mm, that'll work.

Kuzco, thank goodness
I found you.

I just wanted to give you
a good-luck present.

A professional
puma tamer uniform.

Mmm, smells meaty.

Hey, you aren't wrapping me
in puma bait, are you?

Ah, don't be silly.

All the great puma tamers
wear meat jackets.

They do?
Yes.

And sausage scarves,
meatloaf mittens

and chicken chapeaus.

Good luck.
(laughs evilly)

Whoa!

(crowd cheering)

There's Pacha.
Everything's set.

(tweets)

(growl, snarl)

OK, get ready
to do your puma thing.

(Guaca)
What puma thing, sir?

Guaca?! What are you
doing in there?

This is the best seat
in the house!

But if you're in...
then where's...?

Lady, please.
But I need your help,
young man.

Lady, you have to
let me go.

You remind me
of my son

who moved away
to the big city.

And now I'm all alone.
But -

You're not going to let
a poor, lonely old woman

buy a churro
all by herself, are you?

OK. But please,
can we hurry?

(snarling)

Nice little kitties.
(laughs nervously)

Gah! I hope that ruins
your appetite.

Hey, are you
sneaking away, sir?

Not anymore. Aah!

Kuzco,
what are you doing?

Where's Pacha?
I don't know.

If you see him,
remind him
he's supposed to...

secretly save me
from being a cat toy!

Hey, I paid 25 Kuzcoins
for these seats.

I want a show!

Twenty-five? Wow.

I wonder what
my percentage is.

Aah!

(cheering)

(growls)

OK, Kuzco,

if Pacha can do it,
so can you.

Let's try it his way.

(high-pitched growl)

Or I can do this my way.

(Kuzco screaming/
pumas snarling)

(screaming)

(growls softly)

(snarl)

(growling)

(growling)

(roars)

(snarls)

(roars like lion)

(yowling)

(crowd cheering)

Well, Kuzco, you may not have
a talent for taming pumas,

but I've never seen anyone
run away faster than you.

Kuzco the Puma Outrunner.

I could
get used to that.
I love it.

Ohh.

That's the last time I rent
from Discount Puma Center.

Here. This will
make you feel better.

(pumas growling)

Heh-heh. Nice kitties.

All right, before you
emperor lovers out there

start writing letters like,
"Ohh, I was so worried.

I thought handsome Kuzco
was gonna get hurt."

I want you to know
that no emperors were harmed

during the filming
of this episode.

Only professional stunt pumas
with rubber teeth were used.

Just got word -
the stunt pumas

will definitely
be here tomorrow.

Tomorrow?
Then, uh, ha-ha...

Bye-bye.

(Kuzco screaming/
puma snarling)