The Emperor's New School (2006–2008): Season 2, Episode 23 - Puff Piece/Take My Advice - full transcript

So that's one episode
ofEmperor's New School
with extra Kuzco,

a side of Kronk slaw,
hold the Yzmustard.

You want some chips
with your Moleguaco? Great.

Please pull up
to the second window
for your... theme music.

♪ He's on his way
to the throne

♪ He's on his way to success

♪ But he has to go to school,
he's got to ace that test

♪ He's an emperor-to-be,
and he's totally...

You know,
it's all about me.

Exactly.
Let's go.

♪ He's going to Kuzco Academy
♪ Kuzco Academy



♪ He's got to learn
his A, B, Cs

♪ Don't try to stop him
and top him

To destroy him, right?
Uh...

♪ K-U-Z-C-O

♪ Kuzco, Kuzco,
go, go

♪ He's got the cool, he's got
the charm and the looks

♪ And a hottie
that can help him

♪ Read a thing called books
Let's go.

♪ He's going to Kuzco Academy
Come on, dude.

♪ He's got to fulfill
his destiny

♪ His friends are loyal,
it's royal

♪ They'll help
against the foil

Friends? I thought this
was all about me.

Heh-heh.
Spell my name again.



♪ K-U-Z-C-O

♪ Kuzco, Kuzco,
go, go ♪

Class, I'm very excited
about the assignment
for this week,

because I don't do anything,
and you do all the work.

(thinks) Maybe I should
become a teacher.

Each of you will select
a partner

and start a business.

Pick a partner, hmm?

Keep in mind, pick someone
with whom you can work well

because you'll be graded
on teamwork.

OK. Who's gonna
do my teamwork for me?

Guaca? Hard worker.
Does whatever I say.

But, nah, that means
I have to say something.

Yeah, too much worky.

You and Too - they'd never
let me into their little
We Look Alike Club.

They're so clique-ish.

Malina? Yes, she is a hottie,

but she's gonna want an "A,"
and that stands for work.

Check out meathead. Hey,
he's already shouldering
the load.

Ooh, lots of energy
to reach things
off a high shelf.

Howdy, partner.

This is so exciting.

(slurps)Yeah, yeah.
Whatever.

Welcome to Kronk & Kuzco's
Artisan Spinach Puffs,

handpuffed from
the finest ingredients.

I'll have -
We don't puff a puff until
that puff is ready for puffing.

I think you'll find
it's worth the wait.
C-Can I get -

We don't advertise.
Just word of mouth.

What can I get ya -
spinach puff?
Yeah.

Excellent choice.

♪ Makin' the puffs,
what I do, do, do

♪ Makin' it fresh
for you, you, you

♪ Stir it up,
put it in a pastry

♪ Little spinach puffy's
gonna be tasty

How long is this gonna take?

♪ Put it in an oven
that's hot, hot, hot

♪ Set the oven timer,
tick-tock-tock

♪ Gotta be patient

♪ It's gonna takey 24 minutes
till it's golden and flaky ♪

Lunch will be over
by then.
Skip class.

The puff's worth detention.

Hey, Kronk,
uh, got a second?

Welcome to Kuzco's Kronketeria,

where a lady is always
treated like an empress.

We're not called
Kuzco's Kronketeria.

That makes me sound like
a stomach ailment.

It's Kronk & Kuzco's,
plain and simple.

That's just what we wanted
to talk to you about.

Your image.

Yatta and I are now...
Yalina's Advertising.

We don't need advertising.
Strictly word of mouth.

The puffs sell themselves.

Don't listen to my well-meaning
but overmuscled partner.

I'm the brains of the outfit.
You'll be workin' with me,
one on one.

Our one-on-one service
don't come cheap.

How about we discuss it
over lunch?

We should just eat here?
This place? Yuck.

It's got an image problem.

Kronk & Kuzco's
Puff-a-Licious?

What does that even mean?

Roughly translating,
it means... that.

I like this
making money thing.
Glad I thought of it.

OK, we got our work
cut out for us.

You take the orders,
I'll cook the puffs.

Or...

You cook,
and I take the orders?

(imitates buzzer)
Ooh, I'm sorry.

The correct answer
is you do both

and you clean up.

What do you do?

Me? I'm the equal partner
who counts the money.

Well, get to work,
partner.

We thought the name
K & K's was cooler.

Hey, people will think
it stands for Kuzco
and Kuzco's.

Kuzco, honey, are you sure
Kronk OK'd this banner?

When he sees his paycheck,
if he ever gets one,

he'll be OK with K & K's.

45-minute wait
from this point.

Have your money out
and ready to give me.

The faster this goes,
the more money I make.

(bell rings)

(bell rings)

Now I know what it's like
to earn an honest wage.

Whew, exhausting.

We're closed.
Open.

Closed.
Open.

Closed.
Open.

Closed.
Open.

Look, the sign says K & K's.
K is for Kuzco.

My name comes first.
I say we're open.

Remember what
Mr. Moleguaco said.

"Listen to your partner."

(sighs)

You're right.

Now go make
the cart shiny.
Big day tomorrow.

(sighing)

(snores)

(accent)Hey, you,
wake up.
Huh?

Welcome to Tino's Tacos.
How many tacos for you?

What happened
to my spinach puff cart?

You guys moved.
I am renting this cart
from Mr. Kuzco.

Mr. Kuzco. Of course.

Darn you, Kuzco.

You likey?

No, me no likey.

How can we even afford
all this?

It's called progress.

Turns out You and Too
opened a savings and loan.

Now let's start
the money-making machine.
An assembly line?

We have to work faster.
Time is money.

See these new expensive shoes
I just bought?

These shoes equal time.

I'm not sure
I feel like your equal
in this partnership.

True, I have been doing
most of the big-picture stuff,

but if you've got time
to notice things like that,
you got time to work.

Now get to puffin'.

Hey, there's my partner.
You all rested
from yesterday?

Well, I, uh...
Great.

'Cause I was thinkin'
about the business.

You're busy back there
in the kitchen.

Doing the work
of ten men, yeah.

So I made some changes
that I think
will help you out.

Ta-da!
What is it?

The Puffatron 3000.

See, making all those
spinach puffs by hand
was so slow.

Because I put
love and passion
into each puff.

Yeah, sure, but it was like,
"Come on. I've been waiting
all day."

But not anymore. I bought
frozen puffs by the ton.

Check this out.

You slap a frozen spinach brick
on the conveyor belt.

It makes its happy journey
into the microwave.
(sizzles)

Hear that sizzle?
That's the sound of money
being made.

(ding)

(squeaks)

What do you think?

But a Kronk-brand spinach puff
is all about fresh ingredients.

We still call them fresh.

Yeah, but this says
they're expired.
That's a suggestion.

What about
all-natural goodness?
The goodness is natural...

even though
the preservatives aren't.

And being handmade?

Your hand puts the brick
on the conveyor belt.

Wow, you actually
convinced me.

Now, successful restaurants
start off selling one thing.

Like quality
homemade spinach puffs
that I pour my soul into?

Yeah. Then that gets old,
and they either go broke,
or they...

diversify.
(♪ rock)

Is that... theme music?

I present to you spinach puffs'
hip new friends.

This spinach puff
is wrapped in bacon
and rolled in sprinkles.

I call it "The Perfect Puff,"

which is not to be confused
with "The Puff of Perfection"

in the shape
of everyone's favorite - me.

And who wouldn't love
a puff cone?

I feel woozy.

I'm also working
on a deep-fried puff,

shallow-fried puff,
a stir-fried puff,
spinach doughnut,

and for the health-conscious,
puff salad.

If you want it healthy,
shouldn't it be
a spinach salad?

Oh, interesting. Maybe if you
were a better teammate,

you would've brought up
that idea earlier.
Interesting.

Because doing all this
without consulting
your teammate

wasn't very teammatey
of you.

Interesting.
Interesting.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Look, Kuzco,
I'm not sure

I want my name associated
with a place that -

Oh, what a coincidence.
(reads)

See, it's like the old name,
only cooler,

'cause the Kronk part's
taken out.

And I hired
some inexpensive labor
to work the kitchen.

(shrieks)

Monkeys workin' the kitchen?
What am I gonna do?

Step inside Kuzco's
Casa de Puff

or visit the drive-thru.

Don't forget to try
our new Grande Puff Cone.

How you doin', chief?
Not so good.

Great. See ya.
Get back here.

Here it comes.

This assignment was supposed
to be about workin' together.

Right, and together,
I'm a huge success.

(shrieks)

The monkeys are quittin'.

They can't do that.

Oh, yes, they can.

And so can I.

Eek! Eek, eek, eek, monkeys!

(monkeys shriek)

Ehh, who needs ya?

Who ordered
2 pounds of puffs?

I did,
about an hour ago.

Hey, it's just me
and the microwave here,
so have a heart.

Uch, these puffs
taste like green clay.

OK, free napkins
with your next order.

I don't want a next order.

We want
the old puffs back.

Yeah.
These puffs stink.

(girl)Yeah,
let's get out of here.
Let's go to Tino's.

No, wait.
Customers, come back.
I'll fail my assignment!

I'll give you one free puff
for every 37 you buy.

Two hungry customers.
All right, come right on in.

You owe us for 6 tons
of frozen spinach puffs.

Can't pay ya if I don't gots
no customers.

Okey-doke.

But if you
close me down,

how am I supposed
to make money
to pay you back?

We'll happily loan you
more money for a locksmith.

There you go. And you.

Ah, there's one for you.
And you.

Hi. We're the Kronk's
Original Street Team.

Did you know Kronk
uses no advertising?

We're just trying to spread
the word of mouth.

Lovingly prepared all-natural.
Napkin included.

These puffs practically
sell themselves.

Fresh...

And baked to perfection.
Mm.
Kuzco.

Gotta say, Kronk, you make
a truly tasty puff.

I never even
tried one before.
Maybe I should've.

Yeah, might have been
a partnery thing to do.

Yeah. What's in
these things - spinach?

Yeah.

Interesting.

Yeah.
Yeah.

If you're interested,
there might be a place for you
back on the team.

Mm, that might be my ticket
to not failing.

OK, what do I do?

♪ Try a spinach puff,
yum, yum, yum

♪ They're really good
in the tum, tum, tum

♪ All-natural and fresh,
they're the way to go

♪ 'Cause they're made by Kronk
and not Kuzco ♪

It could be a little peppier,
right, Malina?

Might be better advertising
if you were hopping on one foot.

Good idea. Kuzco.

(sighs)

♪ Try a spinach puff,
yum, yum, yum

♪ They're really good
in the tum, tum, tum ♪

Here's a private scroll,
a scroll just for you.

Private Yzma scroll.

Thank you.
It's from the royal
recordkeeper.

Says the emperor's advisor
must go to his office
for a job review.

Not very private, was it?

Well, you should have advised me
not to read it.

You do know that you're
the official emperor's advisor?

Yes, yes, I know.

I wouldn't blame ya
if you forgot.

I mean, you don't do
a lot of it - advising, that is.

And now you gotta go
to a job review.
Do I feel sorry for you.

Mm-hmm.

You're, uh, takin' this
rather well.

Hmm!
It's just a formality.

Ha-ha. I don't let
these little things
get to me.

Then this might be
a good time to tell ya
that I broke your lamp,

your breath smells
like gym socks,

and I accidentally
let out the crocodile.
(chomp!)

Kronk!

OK, OK, let's get to it.

I've got potions to make,
emperors to trick,

and it's laundry day.

You failed your review.

Aah-aah-aah!

(thud)

(laughs)
Oh, I'm sorry, Yzma.

We were just rehearsing.

OK, Phil,
you can take lunch now!

(Phil, echoes)
Can I get you anything?

Maybe just an iced tea.

Regular or passionfruit?

Passionfruit.
Okey-dokey!

(pants)Didn't miss
anything good, did I?

What areyoudoing here?

All parties are present.
Let the review commence.

Kuzco, has Yzma advised you

on any public matters
in the past year?
Nope.

Private matters?
Nope.

Laughing matters?
No.

Whathasshe done?

Well, she turned me
into animals.

Cute animals,
mind you.

Bunnies, squirrels,
turtles, et cetera.

Yzma, by rule of law, I -

Wait! I can explain.
Or lie.

I'll take it from here.
I'm firing you.

Buh-bye.

Aaaaaaah!

OK, here's the crate
of teddy bears
and floppy bunnies

you ordered!
(animals squeak)

(moans)Ohh, I don't know
which is softer.

♪ Doo-da-doo,
no more Yzma

♪ Doo-da-doo,
let's get a pizza

♪ Doo-da-doo,
with extra cheese-a

♪ Yeah ♪

(♪ scary)

Hey, what's with
the creepy music

ruining my happy groove?

Presenting the new
official emperor's advisor.

Who?

Ooh. Umm.
Was that my cue?

The nice man with the headset
said I had time to get a nosh.

(giggles)

Right, OK.
More muffins, and we're
out of pineapple juice.

Hello, dear.

I'm Obsessia, your new
official royal advisor.

But I prefer
to be called "Mom."

Uh, Mom?

Mom, Mommy,
Auntie Nice Advice.

You decide.

An emperor in my care
is an emperor who's fair.

(thinking) OK, she's corny,
but, eh, she's not scary
beyond all reason.

Nothin' between her teeth,
and that mole hasn't reached
critical gross-out mass yet.

I made you
some homemade mango snaps.

Potion-free.
Yay!

Me lovey
new advisey lady.

Napkin under the chin
means let the meal begin.

Elbows off the table

makes an emperor smart
and able.

If the eggs are really runny,
don't put them in your tummy.

Hey!
Yeah.

I've eaten Chicha's
crummy cooking
for months now.

I know what to do.
Here, boy.

Thanks.

If you will please
open volume 37

of your Kuzcology scrolls.

Ooh, it's so drafty
in here.

Unless you want
the cold and flu,

wear this cap
I knit for you.

(laughter)

Good boys wear clean undies
on Tuesdays through Mondays.

(laughter)

A good hand washer
is easy to be.

Use soap and warm water
after you -

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(laughter)

A quiet advisor
is easy to be.

No talkie, no talkie,
no talkie to me.

Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk.
Well, now, who's been
drawing on this screen?

I know not you, dear.
I taught you better.

When there is still
homework to go,

don't dillydally,
stopping the show.

Uh, I gotta do something
about this.

Are you sure this is
a luxury cruise, honey?

Have an "ice" trip!

Ha-ha!(sighs)Ice.

Sorry.
That's the alternate ending.

The real rest of the show
will continue after we fade out.

Hey, fadey, fadey.

I may have lost my position
as advisor,

but I still have my job
as principal.

(man knocks on door)
Knockety knock!
Uh-oh.

School superintendent.

Your job performance review
is in, Principal Amzy.

Uh, but I didn't even...

knooooooooow!

Two performances reviews
in the same day?

You can't write this stuff.

Sorry.
No deliveries today.

So, what now?

Take time off,
do some traveling?

I'll get a new job.

Huts for sale!

(goat bleats)

One double meatma combo
with llama cheese
and a side of curly puffs.

Pull forward.

You didn't say,
"Have a nice day."

My meal is free!
Yippee!

Receipt, please.

Sure.
Could you hold this?

Aah!

(♪ carnival)

Uh, Kronk?
Sorry, pal,
no cutsies.

What's with the line
to the secret lab?

It's not the secret lab
anymore thanks to Obsessia.

It's now the public lab.

She said you're not
supposed to keep secrets.
Don't tell me.

(imitating Obsessia)
Secrets aren't nice.
They breed like mice.

Put your hands up,
Dad.

(camera shutter clicks)

Free 8x10 with purchase
of 100 wallet-size.

And this is
the make-your-own
potion area.

Next stop on our tour -

the secret room
of evil machinery.
Ha-ha.

I'm gonna make
a green one.
Well, hurry up.

There's a five-minute
time limit.

I remember the day
you had to be an evil advisor
to make a potion.

Now anyone can do it.

I'm just glad
Yzma isn't here
to see this.

Yeah, or this.
(groans)

Nice and tidy
Monday through Friday.

Speaking of Yzma,
where is she, by the way?

Why, do you miss her?

Miss her? Me?

You could hire her back,
you know.
I know that.

(both giggle)

I could?

Not that I would,
but, you know.

How would that work
and all, the hiring back?

Not that I would.
I know a secret.

Did someone say
"a secret"?

No!

Check out the fine print.

"If the emperor's advisor
is fired for any reason,

"a firing reason
or reason for firing,

then the emperor
can hire her back."

Huh. It looks
all handwritten.
It was there before.

Doh, why would I hire back
that potion-happy
purple dinosaur anyway?

Vitamin time, dear.

Once a day
keeps the colon OK.

I'll drive.

(hawk cries)

Ladies and gentlemen,

step up and see the world's
only Dinosaur Lady.

(dinosaur bellows)

Come on, Yzma.
You gotta come back.

I'm staying here
where I'm appreciated.

Right. People standing in line
just to laugh at you.

Can't get that at home.

Why do you want
to rehire me anyway?

Eh, you're the lesser
of two evils.
What?!

Well, you've had
some off days.
It happens.

Maybe if
you created evil plans
that actually worked...

I don't need advice
from you, Kronk.

Then let me give you all
some advice.

You all need to be honest
with your feelings

and appreciate each other.

Uh, that one didn't rhyme.

Obsessia?

Yzma.

I haven't seen you
since you flunked out
of advisor school.

Took a leave of absence.

Oh, great to see you again.

You too.

OK, is this scene
going anywhere?

Well, as soon as you admit
that you missed Yzma, dear,

we can fade out.

Yeah, yeah.
Do it, Kuzco.

What about you,
Kronk, dear?

You missed Yzma
even more than Kuzco.

Isn't that why you wrote
that phony text
in the scroll?

I cannot lie.
You were right, Obsessia.

Secrets are lame.
Secrets bring shame.

I missed you, Yzma!

Missed you, too, Kronk.

Kuzco?

You do know she tries
to potion me, like, every day.

Yzma's always had an odd way
of expressing love.

Eh-heh.

OK, look,
I'll put it this way.

I missed the way you didn't
dress me in silly hats,

didn't nag me at school,
and didn't stalk me 24/7.

So, if you want
your job back...

Well, you can't
rehire her.

And why not?

Because you already
have an advisor -
Obsessia.

Oh, I'm quitting.

I saw that
alternate ending you had.

Tsk-tsk-tsk.
Very hurtful.
Sorry.

But, Kuzco,
Yzma never advises you
on anything.

Wrong. Kuzco,
I strongly advise you
not to drink this potion.

It will turn you
into a ladybug.(laughs)

Then I'd squash you
with a hammer!

(sighs)Very well.

Yay!
♪ Doo-da-doo,
rehired Yzma

♪ Doo-da-doo,
where's that pizza?

♪ Doo-da-doo,
with extra cheese, uh-huh

♪ Uh-huh,
uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh, ow! ♪

(Kronk)
Now that the secret lab's

the "everybody knows about it"
lab, it's just not the same.

It's gonna take me weeks
to fix the roller coaster.

All the potions were stolen.

The sign clearly said,
"Do not drink."

Chester was clearly
the life of the party.
Now he's depressed.

The potion table leaks.
Gotta call the potion plumber.

Nobody bought
a single Yzma souvenir.

Except the Kuzco-ween masks.
Those went like hot cakes.