The Emperor's New School (2006–2008): Season 2, Episode 18 - The Good, the Bad and the Kronk/Mud - full transcript

Welcome to the show,
the show about Kuzco.
The Kuzco show.

What about my show?
You don't have a show.

I should! Watch this.
Guys, guys, it's time
for the, uh, theme music!

♪ He's on his way to the throne
He's on his way to success

♪ But he has to go to school
He's got to ace that test!

♪ He's an emperor-to-be
And he's totally--

You know,
it's all about me.

Exactly!
♪ Let's go!

♪ He's going to Kuzco Academy

♪ He's got to learn his ABCs

♪ They'll try to stop him!
To top him!



To destroy him, right?
Uhhhhhhh...

♪ K-U-Z-C-O
Kuzco! Kuzco!
Go! Go!

♪ He's got the cool,
He's got the charm
and the looks

♪ And a hottie
that can help him read

♪ The thing called books!
♪ Let's go!

♪ He's going to Kuzco Academy

♪ Come on, Kuzco!
♪ Got to fulfill his destiny

♪ His friends are loyal,
It's royal

♪ They'll help
against the foil!

Friends? I thought
this was all about me.
Ha-ha. Spell my name again.

♪ K-U-Z-C-O
Kuzco! Kuzco!
Go! Go! ♪

Kronk, I want your opinion
on my latest brilliant plan.

First, I turn Kuzco
into a small round stone.

Then, I hit him
with a stick.



He flies through the air
and lands at your feet.

Phase two of the potion
activates, turning Kuzco
into a bug.

And you destroy him
with a Disintegrator Ray!

No more Kuzco.
And I invented golf.

I'll make millions
on the V-neck sweater
sales alone.

Yes, no? Good, bad?
Paper, plastic?

Tell me, tell me, tell me.
Uhhhh...

I like it -
a Disintegrator Ray.

Zap! Get rid of Kuzco
once and for all.

Then we have
our own show.

But Kuzco's
our friend, kinda.

Friend? When was
the last time

this so-called "friend"
gave us something?

You know, like a pool table
or a massage bed.

That's not what
friends are for.
Sure they are!

Couldn't you use a new amplifier
for your stringy music thing?

Oh! Or maybe a fondue set.
Hey, guys, come on,
I need your help.

Yzma wants me to disintegrate
Kuzco and you're talking about
fondue.

Which, by the way,
you should stir continuously.
Keeps the cheese smooth.

Heh, fondue?

Just the thing I'd expect
from a guy wearing a dress.
It's a robe.

Yeah, fellas, back to the
Disintegrate Kuzco Plan.
Should I or shouldn't I?

And besides,
fondue is cheesy delicious.
Should I or shouldn't I?

It's just cheesy.
Should I...

See if I ever haveyouover.
...or shouldn't I
disintegrate him?

Yeah, to one of your
dress-wearing
melty-cheese parties?

Busy that day!

Stop it.
Would you stop arguing?

On and on and on.
I've had it with you two.

I wish you'd just both
just... just leave!

Sure. We can take a hint.

We know when we're not wanted.

Could use
a vacation anyway,
escape this heat.

Well, fine.
Fine. Go on.

Who needs you anyway?
And-And you know what?

I don't even like fondue.

Cleaning that little
cheese kettle's
a total nightmare!

(door opens and closes)

Who said anything about fondue?

Hot pill bug
or cold pill bug?

Uhhhh...

Uh, Kronk?
I don't think "uhhh"
is an option.

Uhhhh...

Yeah, he'll take
the hot one.

Soup or salad?
Uhhh...

Salad, salad!
Ranch, Italian,
Bleu Cheese, Thousand Island.

Too many decisions!(screams)

I just can't decide
on a decision anymore.

It's easy.
Just act without thinking.
That's what I do.

Just do what Kuzco does.
That's what I do.(grunts)

Kronk, you can make
your own decisions.

You don't need anybody
telling you what to do.

But, uh, aren't you telling me
what to do by telling me I can
do what I want to do?

No. Well, I mean, yes.
I-I mean--

(screams)

Good one, Malina.

Hey, check it out. They've got,
like, 60 channels here. Whoa.

Pay-per-watch,
Llamarama 3!

I don't want to just
sit around in the room.

There's a mango orchard tour,
cultural center...

Oh, look.
Swimming with the manatees!

It's a vacation.
I'm relaxing.

Hello?
Yeah, hello?

Send up some nachos
with extra peppers

and... an order
of devil's food cake.

I've finally got it.
First, I turn Kuzco into a cat.

Then, I catch him in a cat trap.

Next, I turn Kuzco-cat
into Kuzco-mouse.

And finally, Kuzco-cat
tears Kuzco-mouse to pieces.

It's brrrilliant.
Right, Kronk?

(gasps)Look, I know
this is gonna sound crazy,

but I usually have these
two smaller-version me's
on my shoulders -

Good Me, Bad Me.
They help me
decide stuff, sorta.

But now they're gone. And this
spiraling vortex of indecision

is ripping me apart!

This is perfect. I know exactly
how to take advantage of this.

Uh, I mean.... Uh, why don't you
take the rest of the day off?

Thanks.
I knew you'd understand.

To the secret lab files!

Ah... my spirit spectacles.

By wearing these spectacles,

I'll be able to
see the Bad Kronk.

I'll find the Bad Kronk,
put him back on Kronk's shoulder

and then Kronk will do
all the bad things I want!

(cackles)

♪ Vacation time is so much fun

♪ Going to the mu-se-um

♪ Learning all the history

♪ Seeing art and drinking tea

♪ Learning how the mango grows

♪ That fat sloth
has hooks for toes

♪ Feeding a rude chimpanzee

♪ Swimming with the manatee

♪ Vacation time

♪ Vacation time

♪ Vacation time

♪ Not much fun
♪ So much fun

♪ Vacation time is only fun

♪ When sleeping in
till half past one

♪ Never going anywhere

♪ Never changing underwear

♪ Who cares how the mango grows

♪ Or that sloths
have funny toes?

♪ All I want,
as you can see

♪ Are angel/devils feeding me

♪ Vacation time

♪ Vacation time

♪ Vacation time

♪ Not much fun
♪ So much fun

♪ You'll do what I want
♪ Do what I want

♪ Do what I want
♪ Do what I want

♪ Vacation time

♪ So much fun ♪

(wind chimes)

The tingling of wind chimes
is like the voices of angels.

What? Come on. Now a tuba,
there's a noisemaker.

Kuzco rules.
I agree.
Kuzco rules.

Then I volunteered
for a few hours
at the Angel Nursing home.

Where is that little devil?

It wasn't me who threw
that chair in the pool.

Something goes wrong,
it's always the guy
with the pointy tail.

You know, you could have ordered
me some angel food cake. But no!

Hey, I'm notalwaysthe bad guy.

Wait a sec.
Actually, I am.

It's just not working without
Kronk's big head between us.

(cackling)

Yzma!

Hello, Angel Kronk.

I've got a little
surprise for you.

Yay, surprise.

Yeah, uhhh, this isn't
a special "Angel's Only" lounge.

This is an escape-proof
hamster cage!

With only the devil
on his shoulder,

Kronk will be my ultimate
destructive machine!

(cackling)

Yeah, hi. I haven't been
in the show for a while.

So, um...

here I am.

OK, back to the show.

Sorry I'm late, Principal Amzy.
I couldn't decide.

Jungle path or hill path?
Stairs or elevator?

Why are you half-naked?

Couldn't decide what to wear.

Well, your days of indecision
are over, Kronk.

I have a present for you.

Yay, present!

Hey, big guy.

It's Smaller-Version
Bad Me.

Hey, where's Smaller-Version
Good Me?

Who cares?

That's right, who cares?

Whoo. Finally, a Smaller Me
to tell me what to do.

It's like a huge weight
is back on my shoulders.

Now go, Kronk.
Disintegrate Kuzco!

Disintegrate Kuzco?

That doesn't seem right.
Should I or shouldn't I?

Zappity-zap. Come on,
let's go for it!

Sure. Let's go for it.
That was so easy to decide.

Let's go disintegrate Kuzco.

Hey, Kuzco!
Oh. Hey, Kronk.

Whoa. Hey. Cool thingy.

Can I borrow that
for science class?
I sorta ate my potato clock.

Ha, you're in your underwear.
Ha-ha. That's funny,

in the "laughing at you" way,
not the "laughing with you" way.

(screams)

Yipe.

Whoa.

Kronk, buddy, pal.

I'm your friend...
occasionally. Remember?

Oh. How about if I buy you
a pool table or a massage bed

or one of those hot cheese
melty-pot thingies?

A fondue pot?
Hey. Focus.

This is our big chance.
Blast him.

Bye-bye.
Get him!

OK, let's get down to business.

Kuzco. What--
You gotta talk some sense
into the Kronkinator.

Step aside, Malina.
I made a decision...

to disintegrate Kuzco!

Why did you decide that?

Huh? Oh, uh, Smaller-Version
Bad Me told me to do it.

Would you be quiet?
I'm trying to talk to Malina.

Kronk, don't let anybody
tell you what to do.

Yeah, especially if
it's "disintegrate me."

I mean, sure, you can listen
to somebody else's ideas,

but you know,
ultimately you gotta
make your own decisions.

What are you waiting for?
Blast 'em both!

Zappity-zap.
Two for one.

Then I'll do my
victory handstand.

Yeah, we've
seen that before.

(gasps)Smaller-Version
Good Me!

But you've never
seen this.

(raps)Sweet potato,
sweet potato,
in my llama cart.

Tell me, tell me,
the name of your sweetheart.

Bake her a tortilla,
put it in a pie.

Wrap it in a chicken vessel,
my-oh-my.

That's nothin'.
Watch this!

(raps)Dah. Dah. Do-dah. Dahn.
Dah. Do-dah. Do-do-dah-dah. Do.

Eenie, meanie, minie, mo.
Where did all the llamas go?

To the meadow, to the field.
Better keep our eyes all peeled.

Bam. Bam. Bo-ba-ba.
Bam. Bam. Break it down.

Stop it, guys! Stop it.

This isn't
accomplishing anything,

even though
it's pretty cool.

Bottom line -
Malina's right.

I can make
my own decisions.

And let's face it,
sometimes I agree with you.

Sometimes you make
a good point - or bad,
because you're the devil.

But there comes a time
when I have to look past

the rope-jumping
and the dance-breaking.

So, I've decided
two things.

Number one, I'm not
gonna disintegrate Kuzco,

at least not
in this episode.

So, be gone,
or whatever.

Aw, you're no fun.

That's a good Kronk.

And what's the other
thing you decided?

I've decided...
to put on clothes.

What's taking him so long?

Kuzco should be
disintegrated by now.

Hey, Yzma...
it's payback time.

We're not lost.

You know,
it's OK to admit
when you're wrong.

But I wanted to
come home this way.

It's the scenic/smelly/
muggy/stinky/jungly route.

We should turn around.

Look, if I ever am,

I'll be the first
to admit that I'm...
What was that word again?

Wrong?
Right.

Hey, we stopped.

(bleats)

Misty's stuck!
Somebody change a tire.

Llamas don't have tires.

Then put on
the spare llama.
Kuzco!

Come on,
we can still make it.

It's just a sprinkle.

Bats, schmats.

Kuzco, admit it.
Ya messed up.

Now we need to find some shelter
until this storm clears.

Look,a signpost up ahead.

"Next stop,
Mudka's Number 13."

Mudka's Number 13?
No way, José-zee-way.

You know what
happened there, dontcha?
No.

Oh. Well, neither do I.

But I don't like it.
It's creepy.

And dry.
Let's go.

Submitted for
your entertainment -

a self-centered, egotistical,
stubborn emperor.

Lost. But now he's found,
or been found,

by an all-night diner
that serves up fear,

well-done,
with a side of coleslaw

or french fries
or fresh fruit.

The fruit's an extra dollar.

(Malina)Kronk.
What are you doing? Come on.

Uh, any of you notice--

So the lighting's
a little weird. Big deal.

At least we're
out of the rain.
Yeah, I'm starved.

Come on.

I'm gettin'
a creepy vibey-vibe.

I mean, I didn't even know
there was a Mudka's Number 13.

Probably just built it.

Actually, Guaka,
it's a little more complicated.

13 years ago, Mudka Senior
built his 13th Mudkas.

But the night before
it was to open...

it burned to the ground.

He rebuilt it...

and then it sank into the mud.

He built it one more time.

And that one slowly
decayed over the years
due to normal wear and tear.

Mudka vowed never to
build a Mudka's 13...

again.

But I guess he did.
(man)That's right.

Don't get many customers
on a night like this.

If you don't mind, could
we just sorta hang out here
until after the storm?

Sure, sure, of course.

Ooh. By the way,
name's Friendly Joe.

And here,
have a meat mug,
on the house.

(Kronk)Thanks, Friendly Joe.
(Guako)Yeah, I'm starved.

(Malina)That's so nice.
Aw, just a lil' gift
from Mudka's Number 13.

(thunderclap)

You see that?
No.

Friendly Joe was there
and then...

(imitates thunderclap)
...he was gone.

And why does this
Friendly Joe character
give us free meat mugs? Hmm?

I don't know.
He's friendly?

I told you we shouldn't have
come in here. It's creepy.

Kuzco, admit it.
You were wrong again.
Just eat your meat mug.

Fine, fine,
but you'll see.

Oh, you'll see.

Joe, the friendly waiter.

Kuzco, the hungry customer.

A mysterious
complimentary meat mug.

But is there something else
on the menu?

(slurps)

(slurps)

Hey... (laughs)
That's good.

(slurps)Oh, that's
better than good.

That's the best
mug of meat ever.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Awww, there ya go.

Have all you want.
They're on the house.

Heh. I'll just go whip up
some more.(laughs)

(slurps)

(slurps)

(slurps)

(burps)Ah...
So, where's dessert?

Oh,(laughs)we keep it
in the other room.

(laughs)Here,
let me help ya.

Yay. Dessert trolley
coming through.

Ding-ding.(giggles)

(roaring/snarling)

Time for dessert.
(alarm blares)

(screams)

(cries)
Kuzco.

(gasps)I was--
He--

I got turned into
a meaty meat mug.

Big surprise. You ate
four of them and fell asleep.

And drooled on the table.
(whispers)Gross.

Hey, where's Guaka?
He's probably just--

We're eating Guaka.
Don't be ridiculous.

There's no Guaka
in the secret recipe.

Then the only
reasonable explanation

as to why
Guaka's not here is...

Kronk wished
him bye-bye.

Next on this mysterious menu,

a meal made with all-
supernatural ingredients...

Wait, how did I get over here?

What do ya mean "Kronk
wished Guaka bye-bye"?

Kronk was all upset
at Guaka earlier about
the history of this place...

No, I wasn't.
...and so,
isn't it obvious?

He got upset and wished him
bye-bye to the llama meadow.

What llama meadow?

We were playing Hide-n-Seek
with Tipo and Chaca yesterday.

Kusko got lost in the
llama meadow, blamed me.

(Kusko)Careful
what you say, Malina.

Kronk's got powerful-magic-
make-things-happen powers.

I do?
First Guaka, now I think
he's out to get me.

Well, if I have powers,
then...

I wish all the meat mugs
to the llama meadow.

From now on
we only eat spinach puffs.

Wow.
Yay, Kronk.

Yay for
making spinach puffs.

And yay that you wished
Guaka to the llama meadow.

(gasps)And-And-And,
I want us all to be dressed
as Funtime Clowns.

OK, it's gettin'
out of hand.

And from now on, all windows
will be decorated with
floral-patterned treatments,

eyelet-trim detailing
and coordinating valance.

And finally,
Kronk the Powerful says

there's always gonna be
a glorious rainbow in the sky.

Uh, yeah. Except everything's
in black and white, meathead,

so it's only a dumb ol'
black and white rainbow.
Don't upset me, Kuzco.

And these clown suits
and girlie curtains
are even dumber.

You're upsetting me.

And bring back
the meat mugs, Houdini.

I don't want any of your
overcooked spinach puffs.

They're not overcooked.

I've been puffed.
(wails)

Kuzco.

Ah. Huh? What?

You fell asleep again.
But Kronk,
he turned me into a--

And he made Guaka disa--

Sorry, guys. I was just checkin'
out the llama meadow out back.
It's really nice.

Look, I told you earlier
that if I ever was, uh...

Wrong.
Right. If I ever was,
I'd be the first to admit it.

But there's something
creepy goin' on here,

so if you three wanna hang
around and be appetizers,

okey-dokey, but I'm
making like a mango.

This man go.

Mangos. An excellent
source of vitamin C,

but in this case,
it's "see" you later,

for our young
stubborn Emperor--
Kronk.

Why do you
keep doing that?

This isn't the-- I thought
this was the way out.

(gibberish)

Lost?
I am not lost.

Which way?

Admit it, Kuzco.
We're lost... lost... lost.

OK, OK, I admit it.
We're completely lost.

I have no idea where we are
and I'm having bad dreams.

I just want to get out
of Mudka's 13.

Are you OK?

Huh? Sure.
Yeah, fine.

Was I just blabbedy-blabbing
like a scaredy baby?

No, you fell asleep again
and fell out of the booth.

Oh, well, then...

Hey, storm stopped.
Let's go.

But I don't wanna go.

What?
It's just...

Everybody was in one of your
weirdo dream things except me.

(sighs)OK, OK.

Yeah, this, uh, joke's gettin'
old, so let's get on with it.

Guaka, I don't think
this is a Mudka's.

It's a zoo.

OK, come on,
let's go before--

(laughs diabolically)

Ah. Too late.
You sure you don't

wanna take a souvenir Mudka's
Meat Hook with ya? It's rubber.

Uhhh, no thanks.
Bye-bye.

Oh, hold on a sec.
Why are you acting so scared?

Uh, because this place
is creep-out central.

I keep havin' weird dreams,
it's all black-and-white,

Kronk keeps
breaking into monologues.

Huh? Ohhh,
sorry 'bout that.

My, uh, meat mug concentrate's
probably a tad bit expired.

Heh. Gave ya bad dreams, eh?
And the black-and-white, oh...

Well, I haven't had customers
in so long, I forgot to turn
on the color.

OK, but what about Kronk?

That's for speech class.

I'm working on
my monologue skills.
And the suit?

I just like it.
It's snazzy.

(all)Huh?

The cart...
it's totally crushed.
(baaing)

If we'd stayed,
Guaka would've been lost

trying to save me.
None of us would've
made it out of that.

You spent the whole
time being afraid
of Mudka's Number 13,

when it actually
saved our lives.

OK, OK. I'm a mature
emperor-to-be.

I can admit a mistake.
You were right, Malina,

and I was...
that "not right" word.

Wrong?
Right.

I got us lost and I guess
there was nothing creepy
about that place after all.

It's gone. I told you,
I told you, I told you.

It's over there.

Come back again now.

Come on, it's gonna be
a long walk home.

Thanks for visiting...

Mudka's Number 13.

(laughs diabolically)

Welcome to
the end credits,

where the guy
wearing the dress and I

are gonna review
today's show.

How many times do I have to
tell you it's not a dress?

Yeah, it's a dress.

I liked the first show today
better. Had more me in it.

I liked
the second show,

where Kuzco admitted
his fault.

Yeah, but can he
stand on one hand?

You know, that is
really getting old.

Says you.
Says everybody.

Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.

Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.

Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.

Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.

Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.

Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.

Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.