The Dukes of Hazzard (1979–1985): Season 2, Episode 22 - R.I.P. Henry Flatt - full transcript
Henry Flatt, a man the Dukes know whom is believed to be dead shows up alive. He faked his death because he "took" some money from Boss Hogg and to avoid his wrath, which included a burial at the local cemetery. He learned that because no one has been buried at the cemetery for some time Boss can get the land to use for one of his projects and when he digs up his grave, Boss will know he is not dead. So he sets out to put another body in his grave so he gets an unclaimed body. And the Dukes try to help him before things get out of hand.
On the Dukes of Hazzard...
nosybody, busybody...
missing bodies...
That's a coffin.
...leaves Henry Flatt in Hazzard County.
We're gonna snatch the body
that snatched the body.
In Hazzard County, there ain't but two
things that'd make the Duke boys...
run like a rabbit being chased by a fox.
Either the law's on their tail
or they're afraid of something a lot worse.
Can't you go faster than this?
Uncle Jesse'll kick our butt
if we're late for supper.
Especially since he's cooking...
and them pork chops
are going in about right now.
No problem.
We just take that shortcut over the rise.
Where did that come from?
If this is a shortcut,
I'd like to see the long way home.
-Wouldn't you, Bo?
-Sure would. I'm just glad I wasn't driving.
Dang it!
Looks like they shortened my shortcut.
It ain't no use. The General would have
to be a gator to crawl out of here.
The quicker we go,
the shorter the lecture's gonna be.
Why don't we cut
through the cemetery? There.
Considering the time of day
and the way Uncle Jesse will feel...
I suggest we run.
Let's go.
All I said was--
And all I said was I don't want you
saying so much as...
one word about my secret project till--
-It pays off.
-Till it pays off.
-And that won't be until it's finished.
-No, that's right.
Did any little itty-bitty bit
of what I just said get into any crevice...
in that great big lump you call a brain?
This is as good a place as any.
You boys sure have a strange idea
about taking shortcuts.
First you dang near kill us
taking yours and now...
Bo's half scaring me to death with his.
Relax, Daisy.
What could be scary about a peaceful,
quiet place like this?
Would you just cut it out?
Look.
It's Henry Flatt.
It is not. We were at his funeral
only a year ago.
-Then it's Henry Flatt's ghost.
-Wait a minute.
You know there ain't
no such things as ghosts.
I know it and you know it.
But does that there ghost know it?
There he goes again,
I'm getting out of here.
Wait a minute.
Get up!
Bo! Luke! Let go, it's only me, Henry Flatt.
Hold on, didn't we lay you to rest
a year ago?
We sure did.
I remember what the preacher said.
He said...
that Henry Flatt's gonna have
the rest of his days to repent his sins.
I've been needing every minute of it.
Don't you remember,
you shucked and jived $20,000...
right out of Boss' fat pocket?
What a shuck and jive that was.
He posted a $500 reward for you,
dead or alive.
$500 that I shared with the undertaker...
when he buried the casket full of bricks
that was supposed to be me.
Boys, the only way I could go on living
was to get myself declared dead.
Why are you taking a chance
of getting caught by showing up now?
I seen this.
And this.
It's just a whole bunch of road markers.
I bet there's 1,000 of them out here.
Hold on. Boss Hogg's running
a new road out this way.
Yeah, and it's gonna start right here
over my grave.
Come on, ain't nobody
got the right to do that.
Excepting Boss Hogg.
According to the law...
anytime a grave is moved...
they gotta first verify
the contents of the box.
And when they verify this one,
it's full of bricks.
Which puts you right back
to the top of Boss' list.
Well, the boys had enough sense
to hide old Henry in the barn...
not to spring him on Uncle Jesse
until after breakfast.
Henry Flatt, you old Sidewinder,
you get in here!
I thought we was rid of you.
Now, Jesse...
you ain't still holding that $20,000
snookering I give Boss Hogg against me.
Boss Hogg don't know it.
But do you know what Henry did
with that $20,000?
That new youth center
over to Capitol City.
It ain't Henry we got to worry about.
Like usual, it's Boss Hogg.
He's gonna build something
right over Henry's grave.
And if the surveyor's markers ain't lying...
he's gonna keep on building right through
that old Veterans' Cemetery to boot.
The Veterans' Cemetery?
Not even J.D. Hogg would
try a dirty trick like that.
I ain't had the privilege
of serving my country like...
Luke and some of us here.
But if I was a veteran--
You wouldn't stand for it any more
than Uncle Jesse would.
It's gonna take some doing.
But us Dukes ain't gonna let J.D. Hogg
get away with a dirty trick like that.
Even if it means saving
your miserable hide.
Early next morning,
the boys hit City Hall...
while most folks in Hazzard
were still milking.
Hey, Bo.
Come here.
Here, take a look at this. Listen.
"County Land Commissioner J. D. Hogg
states that the Veterans' Cemetery...
"ain't been used in the 40 years
since it was dedicated...
"and therefore has been declared surplus
and sold to the highest, and only, bidder."
-J. D. Hogg.
-You got it.
If the sale ain't protested
by day after tomorrow, it's final.
He's bound and determined
to get that land.
No wonder, would you look at this?
He's planning on subdividing the land...
and putting up
a housing development called...
Hogg's Heavenly Acres.
According to all this stuff, it's legal.
Yeah, Bo, but y'all ain't.
What in the world are y'all doing here?
I'm gonna have to arrest y'all
for breaking and entering.
Get your hands on that chair
so I can keep my eyes on you.
Any games--
Bo, I'm gonna tell Uncle Jesse on y'all!
Open this door now!
Open this door!
Freeze!
I've got you. All right. Put your hands up.
It ain't even duck hunting season...
and I done caught myself
a couple of dead ducks.
Now, wouldn't you just know it?
This is the one morning
Rosco showed up early.
All right, come on down here.
Now then,
you have the right to remain silent.
You have--
Freeze!
-Easy does it.
-Morning, Cooter.
What's happening here?
Will you get in your car?
Freeze! I see you!
You get off my vehicle!
You're stopping my car! Get off of it.
Listen, you're stopping my car!
I'm gonna have you arrested!
I'm on police business here!
That'll teach you to get off
when I tell you to.
Now you just lay there till I get back.
You're both are under arrest.
Get...
They done pulled my bumper off...
and they done scuffed my vehicle
beyond repair.
No excuses, you go find them Duke boys
and keep your eyes on them.
Yes, I'm gonna do that.
I'm gonna keep my eyes on them,
I'll keep one on each one. That's it.
-And...
-What?
As for you other little boo-boo...
Which boo-boo is that exactly, Boss?
Endangering my bulldozer!
-That boo-boo.
-Yeah.
I want that there road...
to be a fact accompli ipso facto
finito dang fasto.
Fasto?
Before anybody finds out that we jumped
the gun on starting it by a couple of days.
Fasto! Boss, I...
See, I'm gonna have a little problem
with that one.
I only got about half a dozen men
to work that gang.
Then find some more, will you?
Where?
There's a lot of dangerous criminals
around here we ain't caught yet.
-Who?
-Jaywalkers...
litterbugs, sidewalk spitters.
I want them all!
You're gonna get them, boy.
Enos and I'll get right on that.
I hope that's all.
I won.
I sure am getting good at this game.
You little rascal, you did...
That don't go there.
-I say it does.
-Then it probably does.
-Now, go.
-I'm gone.
If Henry Flatt knew how close
that bulldozer was coming to his grave...
he'd tum over in it.
If he was in it, which he ain't.
Henry is in Capital City
where Bo and Luke are heading right now.
This must be the place.
$20,000.
$20,000.
Would you look at that?
She may or may not be an angel...
but she sure got the flying part down.
-Howdy.
Can I help you?
-Well, sure--
-You sure can. Excuse us a second, Bo.
What do you mean, excuse you?
I saw her first.
Well, boys, I see you've already met
my daughter, Gail.
Henry, could we speak to you
a second alone?
No need for that.
My little girl knows all about my past.
Well, in that case...
Boss is planning to build
a new housing project.
We think that may be
what he's gonna put on top of your grave.
Then it's all over, ain't it?
They open that coffin, find no body...
and all my dreams and hard work
went for nothing.
Daddy, keep good thoughts.
Honey, if you did
what I used to for a living...
you'd know there ain't no
such things as miracles.
Unless...
a man makes his own miracles
in this world.
Take care of it now, it's a loaner.
Old Henry wasn't about to take a chance
on anyone finding out that he's still alive.
So, without telling nobody
what he had on his conniving mind...
be borrowed the van
saying that he was picking up donations...
for the youth center.
So Bo and Luke had absolutely
nothing to do till he got back.
We", almost nothing.
Take care.
This is the last unclaimed body we have.
What makes you think
that he's your client, Mr...
Flatt. Clarence Darrow Flatt. My card.
I not only am the attorney...
but also the boyhood companion
of the deceased...
whoever... That is...
wherever poor J. Carlton Potts may be.
I certainly hope this is him.
We've done awful lot of checking on him,
and we've just come up empty.
So he's just been good old John Doe
to us ever since.
Oh, dear!
-Then it's him.
-Yes.
-J. Carlton Potts. You sure?
-Yes.
Of course you'll have to make
a positive identification.
Of course.
-Including the tattoo on his arm.
-Tattoo?
Yes, I do believe I have all those details
here in my briefcase.
-He was partial to roses.
-But it's an anchor.
I mean, in his garden.
-One anchor, upper right arm.
-Left.
No, it just looks that way.
They printed the picture backwards.
Okay, now if you will just give me
the number.
-Number?
-on the tattoo.
You read the number on the tattoo,
and I'll check it with the list.
Yes, read.
"646-77...
"-75."
That's him.
You will have to fill out
the claiming papers...
so that you can legally take the body.
If you don't mind, I'd like to spend
the last final moments alone...
-with my dear departed friend.
-Of course, I understand.
Henry figured he could get
out of his grave predicament by...
tricking the Duke boys
into hauling it back to Hazzard.
But things were working
just about normal for old Henry.
You ain't filled out the claiming papers!
You come back here
with that there John Doe...
or I'll put out an all points bulletin
for body snatching.
You sure know
how to take a girl's mind off her worries.
All those years that you were growing up
and your dad was supporting you...
didn't you ever know that he was...
-A conman?
-I didn't wanna say it.
Well, I'll tell you.
The few times I did see him...
I believed his story about being a lawyer.
It wasn't until he opened
this Youth Center...
that he confessed he conned the money
from Boss Hogg.
And he wasn't about to give that up...
'cause he knew Boss conned it
from somebody else.
And now I can't even say
who's benefited more...
these here kids he's kept off the streets,
or my daddy himself.
Kiss me, if you're man enough.
I've done kissed every girl
in Hazzard County.
Why should you be any different?
-Wanna try again?
-No.
-Peggy, don't hurt the man now.
-Yes, sir.
Don't blame me
if you grow up to be an old maid.
-Say, how did it go?
-Did you get that donation you were after?
You might say so,
and I know just where I'm gonna sell it.
You boys mind
driving me back to Hazzard?
That's one place we shouldn't drive you.
Boss is sure to see you.
That's a chance I gotta take.
I'm going with you, then.
Just give me a minute to get dressed.
Peggy, would you watch over the Center
while we're gone?
Sure thing.
Why don't you practice up on your kissing
while you're gone...
and I'll try to forget my defenses.
Yes, ma'am. Sure.
No, thank you.
-You take care.
-okay.
We got ourselves some new volunteers
for the road gang.
You mean Bo and Luke?
-They ain't even speeding, Sheriff.
-They ain't now, but they will be.
Now, watch this.
I love it!
Close the door, Enos.
But, Sheriff, they ain't even speeding--
What does Rosco want with us now?
I don't know, we ain't done nothing wrong.
Except for what I got
under the tarp back there.
-What's that?
-I hate to tell you all...
but that is an ice-cold dead ringer for me...
that I was gonna put in my grave
so Boss could conveniently find it.
That is body snatching!
The attendant did say something
to that effect as I was leaving.
That ain't gonna sit well
with our probation.
If we don't shake him fast...
we'll spend 10 years
in the federal penitentiary...
wondering how we let you snooker
us into this, Henry.
Wind her up, Bo.
Luke!
Give us a hand!
That couldn't be.
That could be, but...
It is. That's a coffin!
Enos, this is Rosco. That's a coffin.
That's a coffin.
Sheriff, remember that APB we got...
about that body snatching case
in Capitol City?
Yeah, and we're gonna snatch the body
that snatched the body.
-Gail, get them doors.
-Got it?
Enos, you know what one casket
said to the other casket?
He said: "Was that you, coffin?"
Slow down, Bo. I think Rosco's
about due for a little grief.
All right!
Hey, Enos, how are you doing?
Get under the tarp, Henry.
You're supposed to be dead.
Enos, I'd like you to meet Gail.
Come on. I'm not fooling with you.
-Open the back of that van now.
-You got a search warrant?
I've got this.
That's search warrant enough.
-All right.
-I'll blow the lock right off.
Open that up.
All right, Rosco. I'm getting it.
That is it. That's what I saw.
Get in there, and open that up.
I wanna see what's in there.
Open it.
Friends, how would you like to try
to make up an excuse to cover that?
That is definitely...
the APB body that was snatched.
No!
That smarted!
Come back here, you Duke vampires!
Don't shoot, Sheriff.
You might hit that body.
Enos, you dipstick.
Believe me, he's in no condition
to complain about it.
Come here. Freeze!
Come on, Henry. Get up.
Daddy, how could you have done
such an awful thing?
There wasn't anything awful about it.
That poor fellow's been laying
in that morgue for over a week...
and nobody's come to get him.
There was no way they could, anyway.
-Excepting for that number.
-What number?
The one tattooed
under the anchor on his arm.
646-77-75.
Pull over round that next curve.
Are you crazy? If Rosco catches us now...
we'll have our own set of numbers
right across our chests.
Just do it.
You two will have to cut across country
to the farmhouse.
If Jesse can trace that number...
we got a prayer of getting out
of this thing yet.
Come on, let's go.
Can you think of one good reason
for what we're doing here?
Sure. We're helping out Henry
'cause you're sweet on his daughter.
All right. I'll grant you that.
While you're doing that, remember,
if you don't find a way out of this...
we're gonna sit in jail for along time.
All right. I'll think of something.
You usually do.
Boss, this is your sheriff,
Rosco P. Coltrane.
You got your ears on, little buddy?
Come on.
Boss, are you there?
Yeah, I'm here.
That is, what's left of me.
Sin-Ku-San, you do that once more...
and I'm gonna put your toes under arrest.
All right, Rosco. What is it? Over.
Boss, I got them Duke boys...
on a body snatching rap...
and they're still toting that victim
around with them.
Are you sure? Over.
That's a big 10-4, buddy.
Ain't that right, Enos?
Yes, sir and no, sir, Sheriff.
Enos, while you're making up your mind...
you just head them Duke fellers off
at their farm.
That's nice.
Just in case they outfox Rosco,
which they probably will do. Over.
That hurts to the quick.
You little pelican hook.
Do you read me, boy?
I sure do, Mr. Hogg. Now I'm gone.
He's gone. That leaves Rosco.
Let's get rid of him.
Up here at Miller's Creek Road,
take the right-hand fork.
No way. Not in this thing.
Besides, the bridge is still out.
This is a great plan. The road's ended
up ahead, and Rosco's still behind us.
Just let him draw alongside.
How deep do you reckon
that water is down there?
About deep enough to give him
ring around the collar.
Come on, let's ditch this evidence.
With half of Hazzard's law force
treading water...
and the other half waiting for them
to show up at the farm...
that left one spot
the boys could leave the body...
without being caught in the act.
Hush!
JD. Hogg here.
Boss, this is Rosco.
All right. Start whining.
I got some good news
and I got some bad news.
I'll give you some bad news first.
The Duke boys gave me the slip,
but the good news is...
they left the body here in my office...
and he's in real trouble.
Not as much trouble as you'll be in...
if you don't get him and his pine box...
out here to the Boars Nest in a hurry.
You hear me?
What do you want me to do that for?
You don't know grits
from shoe polish, do you?
Just do it, ask no questions,
and keep your big mouth shut.
Enos, this is J.D. Hogg talking.
Are you out there anyplace?
Sure am, Mr. Hogg. Standing guard
right here at the Duke farm.
[ain't seen hide nor hair of anybody.
You better make that sitting guard.
I don't care if you're standing guard...
squatting guard, or sleeping guard.
Just get your butt out here
to the Boars Nest...
for a special duty assignment.
You hear me? Over and out.
Yes, sir. I'm gone.
Now I'm gonna do something
to your little face.
There you are, Rosco.
I'm right here.
-And here it is.
-Right here.
That pine box!
This goes right over there, in that jeep.
Do you follow?
Then I'm gonna phone the Duke boys.
You don't know
where them Duke boys are at.
Of course I do. And you wanna know how?
Because when the Duke boys know
that we don't know where they at...
they always go
where we know they wouldn't go...
'cause they figure we'd never go there.
And that's exactly where they're at now.
Do you follow?
I'm trying.
At the Duke farm, dodo!
That's where they're at!
Of course!
What are you doing there? The jeep!
You said to follow.
The jeep. The box.
And when you've done that,
take two aspirin...
and lie down in a very dark place.
I'll darken his place. Sorry.
And while everyone
was running in circles...
that construction equipment
kept cutting a straight path...
to Henry's empty grave.
When I got that tattoo number, I...
Thank you.
I called the FBI and the Social Security,
but they didn't have it on their file.
I'm sorry,
but what did you expect me to do...
wait and take his fingerprints?
If you'd have waited,
and took your medicine...
from Boss a year ago,
like you were supposed to...
we wouldn't be in this fix now.
There's an anchor in that tattoo.
Did you call the Navy?
I called the Navy,
and the Marines, and the...
I'll get that.
The Air Corps and... To a man,
they said they'd get back to me.
Hello? Jesse Duke here.
It's J.D. Hogg, Jesse.
What you doing, calling now?
The mortgage money ain't due
for two, three weeks now.
It ain't the mortgage, Jesse.
It's the bail money.
Bail money?
Yeah, for a certain member
of your family...
whom I'm having arrested
on a charge of body snatching.
You know you ain't got
one speck of evidence...
against Bo and Luke.
Who said anything about them two?
I'm in the Boars Nest,
looking at the guilty party.
Daisy!
This thing's got more turns
than a bucket of worms.
Framing Daisy for possession
of the body...
was just the beginning of Boss' plan.
Sounds like Boss has got us
over a barrel this time.
No way we're gonna let her take the rap
just to save us from something.
There ain't no way I'm gonna let you boys
take the rap...
for this old...
reprobate here.
He's gone. Both of them is gone.
Henry and Gail were so set
on getting Daisy out of trouble...
that they were nearly to the Boers Nest
before Bo and Luke caught up with them.
Just what do you two think you're doing?
I'm going to see Boss and confess my sins.
We don't wanna get in the middle
of your making amends...
but can't you wait until Uncle Jesse
gets that call back from Washington?
There's still a chance that body
might be identified.
I sure am sorry I had to arrest you
for body-snatching.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard tell of.
In the Boars Nest, it's all I can do...
to keep the live bodies
from snatching at me.
That's beside the point.
Bo, Luke, before you get
your dandruff up...
I'm arresting her 'cause she's guilty.
The law definitely states...
that anybody that has an unidentified body
on their property...
is guilty of snatching it.
And I'm asking you,
is that a body, or is that a body?
I think you need to go out
and get some new glasses.
I don't wear glasses.
Maybe you should.
I don't need glasses to see this body.
I reckon that explains everything.
Can we let Daisy go now?
Unless you both want false arrests
on your record.
All right, you can go, but hang around.
So far, Boss' plan to frame Daisy...
was as flat as last week's beer...
which he was still selling
at a premium price.
That's my convertible, not a hearse.
I'm on my way, Boss!
Don't just stand there, numskull.
Get that box out of there.
And put it...
In Jesse's pickup.
And while everyone was playing
"hide the body"...
that bulldozer was getting ready to reveal
that Henry was right healthy...
for a man that had been dead 3 year.
Here we go.
-I thought you'd never get here.
-I know.
Now, whose tab is this going on?
-You can put it on mine, Daisy.
-okay.
Daisy, you know something?
I had my information all wrong...
which lets you off the hook.
What I mean is...
that body wasn't in your jeep after all.
Shoot. That's what I've been trying
to tell you all along.
It's in your Uncle Jesse's pickup truck.
I knew it.
Which means your Uncle Jesse
is the guilty party.
-Guilty!
-This I gotta see.
-All right. I'll show you.
-Come on, show it.
-Quit pushing me.
-Just get on.
Where is it?
Actually, the corpse weren't
that far away...
considering where Henry left it...
before he and Gail took off in the pickup.
I don't see no sign of no evidence.
Evidence? Shoot, I don't even see
the pickup truck.
I can tell you that something underhanded
is going on around here...
because I personally put that...
Saw that box in your Uncle Jesse's
pickup truck over there.
Somehow I got a feeling
that ain't gonna hold up in court.
He's right, Sheriff.
If there ain't no corpus...
there can be no delicti.
Somebody around here
knows more than he's saying.
Like I said before I was
so rudely interrupted:
"Bottoms up! "
All right, you dang Dukes.
Just hold it right there.
You're under arrest.
Enos, what the heck are you doing...
slurping up buttermilk
with these criminals?
You're beginning to sound
like a broken record.
I just told you a few minutes ago
the body is not in my jeep.
Of course it isn't. I just put it...
I just found it in the General Lee.
I'm serious. Now I want you
to get up real slow...
because you're not gonna trick me again.
We wouldn't think of it, Rosco.
But I would.
Get up and help me, you dumb dipstick!
Anybody else want a beer?
Where'd they go?
There they are!
Freeze!
Come on, you!
Get in your own car.
Hey fellas, wait up!
Now come on. Move it.
This is the Lost Sheep
calling the Shepherd.
We're heading down Highway 7
with a pine box in the trunk...
and a pack of woodpeckers on our tail.
What's next? Come back.
Get that pine box to the Veterans'
Cemetery as quick as possible.
I'll meet you there.
How are we gonna do that, Shepherd...
especially since a certain old swindler
happens to have your pickup?
You better have him meet me there, too.
Don't worry about me.
I'll be taking the shortcut overland.
The bulldozer driver
was Jesse's third cousin by marriage.
In other words, it didn't take
too much shucking and jiving...
to get his cooperation.
He just plum walked off the job.
Jump out of the way.
Daisy said you were over here.
Get a shovel and start digging,
you old Sidewinder...
or I'll bury you before the Boss does.
Come on, will you?
Rosco, do you see that? Them Duke boys.
They're abandoning ship.
Right up ahead. Can you see it? Over.
It don't make no difference, Boss.
There ain't nothing gonna stop me
from getting that evidence now.
I love it.
Here's Daisy.
Give me a hand with this box.
Here we go. Get in there.
Grab something. Grab a shovel.
Now, get lost for a while.
The girls and I will take care of this.
What do you think you are?
Come on down here.
Hold it right there. I'm coming right down.
Look out.
Watch it, will you?
-Hey, Enos! Do us a favor.
-Hold up!
Thanks a lot for stopping, partner.
All right, you Dukes. You're under arrest.
All of you. Every last one of you.
Under arrest? What for?
For snatching bodies, that's what for.
First of all, this here body
wasn't snatched.
It was claimed legal-like.
And second, this here is
a Veterans' Cemetery.
For about 10 minutes more, it is.
Then it becomes a public highway.
Because, you see,
there ain't no veterans buried in it.
Except for Equipment Operator,
First Class, Jonathan Cole.
Serial number 646-77-75.
He was a Seabee attached
to the First Construction Battalion.
What do you think of that?
You just can't do this.
We ain't doing nothing.
It's the United States government.
Which means Hogg's Heavenly Acres
can go plum to...
I reckon we all know what I mean.
You Dukes! You're always interfering,
ain't you?
Trespassing, sticking your nose
into other people's business.
You can't even let a man do
what he wants to with his own swamp.
Without that highway...
our whole civilization's
going down the drain.
-Come on! Let's get out of here.
-Get your car.
Since the deceased veteran had no kin...
the folks of Hazzard County
decided to adopt him...
as their own personal war hero.
Firing team, ready?
Aim.
Fire!
So, with Boss never even knowing
that he was still alive...
Henry Flatt finally got the chance
to rest in peace...
thanks to the Dukes of Hazzard.
nosybody, busybody...
missing bodies...
That's a coffin.
...leaves Henry Flatt in Hazzard County.
We're gonna snatch the body
that snatched the body.
In Hazzard County, there ain't but two
things that'd make the Duke boys...
run like a rabbit being chased by a fox.
Either the law's on their tail
or they're afraid of something a lot worse.
Can't you go faster than this?
Uncle Jesse'll kick our butt
if we're late for supper.
Especially since he's cooking...
and them pork chops
are going in about right now.
No problem.
We just take that shortcut over the rise.
Where did that come from?
If this is a shortcut,
I'd like to see the long way home.
-Wouldn't you, Bo?
-Sure would. I'm just glad I wasn't driving.
Dang it!
Looks like they shortened my shortcut.
It ain't no use. The General would have
to be a gator to crawl out of here.
The quicker we go,
the shorter the lecture's gonna be.
Why don't we cut
through the cemetery? There.
Considering the time of day
and the way Uncle Jesse will feel...
I suggest we run.
Let's go.
All I said was--
And all I said was I don't want you
saying so much as...
one word about my secret project till--
-It pays off.
-Till it pays off.
-And that won't be until it's finished.
-No, that's right.
Did any little itty-bitty bit
of what I just said get into any crevice...
in that great big lump you call a brain?
This is as good a place as any.
You boys sure have a strange idea
about taking shortcuts.
First you dang near kill us
taking yours and now...
Bo's half scaring me to death with his.
Relax, Daisy.
What could be scary about a peaceful,
quiet place like this?
Would you just cut it out?
Look.
It's Henry Flatt.
It is not. We were at his funeral
only a year ago.
-Then it's Henry Flatt's ghost.
-Wait a minute.
You know there ain't
no such things as ghosts.
I know it and you know it.
But does that there ghost know it?
There he goes again,
I'm getting out of here.
Wait a minute.
Get up!
Bo! Luke! Let go, it's only me, Henry Flatt.
Hold on, didn't we lay you to rest
a year ago?
We sure did.
I remember what the preacher said.
He said...
that Henry Flatt's gonna have
the rest of his days to repent his sins.
I've been needing every minute of it.
Don't you remember,
you shucked and jived $20,000...
right out of Boss' fat pocket?
What a shuck and jive that was.
He posted a $500 reward for you,
dead or alive.
$500 that I shared with the undertaker...
when he buried the casket full of bricks
that was supposed to be me.
Boys, the only way I could go on living
was to get myself declared dead.
Why are you taking a chance
of getting caught by showing up now?
I seen this.
And this.
It's just a whole bunch of road markers.
I bet there's 1,000 of them out here.
Hold on. Boss Hogg's running
a new road out this way.
Yeah, and it's gonna start right here
over my grave.
Come on, ain't nobody
got the right to do that.
Excepting Boss Hogg.
According to the law...
anytime a grave is moved...
they gotta first verify
the contents of the box.
And when they verify this one,
it's full of bricks.
Which puts you right back
to the top of Boss' list.
Well, the boys had enough sense
to hide old Henry in the barn...
not to spring him on Uncle Jesse
until after breakfast.
Henry Flatt, you old Sidewinder,
you get in here!
I thought we was rid of you.
Now, Jesse...
you ain't still holding that $20,000
snookering I give Boss Hogg against me.
Boss Hogg don't know it.
But do you know what Henry did
with that $20,000?
That new youth center
over to Capitol City.
It ain't Henry we got to worry about.
Like usual, it's Boss Hogg.
He's gonna build something
right over Henry's grave.
And if the surveyor's markers ain't lying...
he's gonna keep on building right through
that old Veterans' Cemetery to boot.
The Veterans' Cemetery?
Not even J.D. Hogg would
try a dirty trick like that.
I ain't had the privilege
of serving my country like...
Luke and some of us here.
But if I was a veteran--
You wouldn't stand for it any more
than Uncle Jesse would.
It's gonna take some doing.
But us Dukes ain't gonna let J.D. Hogg
get away with a dirty trick like that.
Even if it means saving
your miserable hide.
Early next morning,
the boys hit City Hall...
while most folks in Hazzard
were still milking.
Hey, Bo.
Come here.
Here, take a look at this. Listen.
"County Land Commissioner J. D. Hogg
states that the Veterans' Cemetery...
"ain't been used in the 40 years
since it was dedicated...
"and therefore has been declared surplus
and sold to the highest, and only, bidder."
-J. D. Hogg.
-You got it.
If the sale ain't protested
by day after tomorrow, it's final.
He's bound and determined
to get that land.
No wonder, would you look at this?
He's planning on subdividing the land...
and putting up
a housing development called...
Hogg's Heavenly Acres.
According to all this stuff, it's legal.
Yeah, Bo, but y'all ain't.
What in the world are y'all doing here?
I'm gonna have to arrest y'all
for breaking and entering.
Get your hands on that chair
so I can keep my eyes on you.
Any games--
Bo, I'm gonna tell Uncle Jesse on y'all!
Open this door now!
Open this door!
Freeze!
I've got you. All right. Put your hands up.
It ain't even duck hunting season...
and I done caught myself
a couple of dead ducks.
Now, wouldn't you just know it?
This is the one morning
Rosco showed up early.
All right, come on down here.
Now then,
you have the right to remain silent.
You have--
Freeze!
-Easy does it.
-Morning, Cooter.
What's happening here?
Will you get in your car?
Freeze! I see you!
You get off my vehicle!
You're stopping my car! Get off of it.
Listen, you're stopping my car!
I'm gonna have you arrested!
I'm on police business here!
That'll teach you to get off
when I tell you to.
Now you just lay there till I get back.
You're both are under arrest.
Get...
They done pulled my bumper off...
and they done scuffed my vehicle
beyond repair.
No excuses, you go find them Duke boys
and keep your eyes on them.
Yes, I'm gonna do that.
I'm gonna keep my eyes on them,
I'll keep one on each one. That's it.
-And...
-What?
As for you other little boo-boo...
Which boo-boo is that exactly, Boss?
Endangering my bulldozer!
-That boo-boo.
-Yeah.
I want that there road...
to be a fact accompli ipso facto
finito dang fasto.
Fasto?
Before anybody finds out that we jumped
the gun on starting it by a couple of days.
Fasto! Boss, I...
See, I'm gonna have a little problem
with that one.
I only got about half a dozen men
to work that gang.
Then find some more, will you?
Where?
There's a lot of dangerous criminals
around here we ain't caught yet.
-Who?
-Jaywalkers...
litterbugs, sidewalk spitters.
I want them all!
You're gonna get them, boy.
Enos and I'll get right on that.
I hope that's all.
I won.
I sure am getting good at this game.
You little rascal, you did...
That don't go there.
-I say it does.
-Then it probably does.
-Now, go.
-I'm gone.
If Henry Flatt knew how close
that bulldozer was coming to his grave...
he'd tum over in it.
If he was in it, which he ain't.
Henry is in Capital City
where Bo and Luke are heading right now.
This must be the place.
$20,000.
$20,000.
Would you look at that?
She may or may not be an angel...
but she sure got the flying part down.
-Howdy.
Can I help you?
-Well, sure--
-You sure can. Excuse us a second, Bo.
What do you mean, excuse you?
I saw her first.
Well, boys, I see you've already met
my daughter, Gail.
Henry, could we speak to you
a second alone?
No need for that.
My little girl knows all about my past.
Well, in that case...
Boss is planning to build
a new housing project.
We think that may be
what he's gonna put on top of your grave.
Then it's all over, ain't it?
They open that coffin, find no body...
and all my dreams and hard work
went for nothing.
Daddy, keep good thoughts.
Honey, if you did
what I used to for a living...
you'd know there ain't no
such things as miracles.
Unless...
a man makes his own miracles
in this world.
Take care of it now, it's a loaner.
Old Henry wasn't about to take a chance
on anyone finding out that he's still alive.
So, without telling nobody
what he had on his conniving mind...
be borrowed the van
saying that he was picking up donations...
for the youth center.
So Bo and Luke had absolutely
nothing to do till he got back.
We", almost nothing.
Take care.
This is the last unclaimed body we have.
What makes you think
that he's your client, Mr...
Flatt. Clarence Darrow Flatt. My card.
I not only am the attorney...
but also the boyhood companion
of the deceased...
whoever... That is...
wherever poor J. Carlton Potts may be.
I certainly hope this is him.
We've done awful lot of checking on him,
and we've just come up empty.
So he's just been good old John Doe
to us ever since.
Oh, dear!
-Then it's him.
-Yes.
-J. Carlton Potts. You sure?
-Yes.
Of course you'll have to make
a positive identification.
Of course.
-Including the tattoo on his arm.
-Tattoo?
Yes, I do believe I have all those details
here in my briefcase.
-He was partial to roses.
-But it's an anchor.
I mean, in his garden.
-One anchor, upper right arm.
-Left.
No, it just looks that way.
They printed the picture backwards.
Okay, now if you will just give me
the number.
-Number?
-on the tattoo.
You read the number on the tattoo,
and I'll check it with the list.
Yes, read.
"646-77...
"-75."
That's him.
You will have to fill out
the claiming papers...
so that you can legally take the body.
If you don't mind, I'd like to spend
the last final moments alone...
-with my dear departed friend.
-Of course, I understand.
Henry figured he could get
out of his grave predicament by...
tricking the Duke boys
into hauling it back to Hazzard.
But things were working
just about normal for old Henry.
You ain't filled out the claiming papers!
You come back here
with that there John Doe...
or I'll put out an all points bulletin
for body snatching.
You sure know
how to take a girl's mind off her worries.
All those years that you were growing up
and your dad was supporting you...
didn't you ever know that he was...
-A conman?
-I didn't wanna say it.
Well, I'll tell you.
The few times I did see him...
I believed his story about being a lawyer.
It wasn't until he opened
this Youth Center...
that he confessed he conned the money
from Boss Hogg.
And he wasn't about to give that up...
'cause he knew Boss conned it
from somebody else.
And now I can't even say
who's benefited more...
these here kids he's kept off the streets,
or my daddy himself.
Kiss me, if you're man enough.
I've done kissed every girl
in Hazzard County.
Why should you be any different?
-Wanna try again?
-No.
-Peggy, don't hurt the man now.
-Yes, sir.
Don't blame me
if you grow up to be an old maid.
-Say, how did it go?
-Did you get that donation you were after?
You might say so,
and I know just where I'm gonna sell it.
You boys mind
driving me back to Hazzard?
That's one place we shouldn't drive you.
Boss is sure to see you.
That's a chance I gotta take.
I'm going with you, then.
Just give me a minute to get dressed.
Peggy, would you watch over the Center
while we're gone?
Sure thing.
Why don't you practice up on your kissing
while you're gone...
and I'll try to forget my defenses.
Yes, ma'am. Sure.
No, thank you.
-You take care.
-okay.
We got ourselves some new volunteers
for the road gang.
You mean Bo and Luke?
-They ain't even speeding, Sheriff.
-They ain't now, but they will be.
Now, watch this.
I love it!
Close the door, Enos.
But, Sheriff, they ain't even speeding--
What does Rosco want with us now?
I don't know, we ain't done nothing wrong.
Except for what I got
under the tarp back there.
-What's that?
-I hate to tell you all...
but that is an ice-cold dead ringer for me...
that I was gonna put in my grave
so Boss could conveniently find it.
That is body snatching!
The attendant did say something
to that effect as I was leaving.
That ain't gonna sit well
with our probation.
If we don't shake him fast...
we'll spend 10 years
in the federal penitentiary...
wondering how we let you snooker
us into this, Henry.
Wind her up, Bo.
Luke!
Give us a hand!
That couldn't be.
That could be, but...
It is. That's a coffin!
Enos, this is Rosco. That's a coffin.
That's a coffin.
Sheriff, remember that APB we got...
about that body snatching case
in Capitol City?
Yeah, and we're gonna snatch the body
that snatched the body.
-Gail, get them doors.
-Got it?
Enos, you know what one casket
said to the other casket?
He said: "Was that you, coffin?"
Slow down, Bo. I think Rosco's
about due for a little grief.
All right!
Hey, Enos, how are you doing?
Get under the tarp, Henry.
You're supposed to be dead.
Enos, I'd like you to meet Gail.
Come on. I'm not fooling with you.
-Open the back of that van now.
-You got a search warrant?
I've got this.
That's search warrant enough.
-All right.
-I'll blow the lock right off.
Open that up.
All right, Rosco. I'm getting it.
That is it. That's what I saw.
Get in there, and open that up.
I wanna see what's in there.
Open it.
Friends, how would you like to try
to make up an excuse to cover that?
That is definitely...
the APB body that was snatched.
No!
That smarted!
Come back here, you Duke vampires!
Don't shoot, Sheriff.
You might hit that body.
Enos, you dipstick.
Believe me, he's in no condition
to complain about it.
Come here. Freeze!
Come on, Henry. Get up.
Daddy, how could you have done
such an awful thing?
There wasn't anything awful about it.
That poor fellow's been laying
in that morgue for over a week...
and nobody's come to get him.
There was no way they could, anyway.
-Excepting for that number.
-What number?
The one tattooed
under the anchor on his arm.
646-77-75.
Pull over round that next curve.
Are you crazy? If Rosco catches us now...
we'll have our own set of numbers
right across our chests.
Just do it.
You two will have to cut across country
to the farmhouse.
If Jesse can trace that number...
we got a prayer of getting out
of this thing yet.
Come on, let's go.
Can you think of one good reason
for what we're doing here?
Sure. We're helping out Henry
'cause you're sweet on his daughter.
All right. I'll grant you that.
While you're doing that, remember,
if you don't find a way out of this...
we're gonna sit in jail for along time.
All right. I'll think of something.
You usually do.
Boss, this is your sheriff,
Rosco P. Coltrane.
You got your ears on, little buddy?
Come on.
Boss, are you there?
Yeah, I'm here.
That is, what's left of me.
Sin-Ku-San, you do that once more...
and I'm gonna put your toes under arrest.
All right, Rosco. What is it? Over.
Boss, I got them Duke boys...
on a body snatching rap...
and they're still toting that victim
around with them.
Are you sure? Over.
That's a big 10-4, buddy.
Ain't that right, Enos?
Yes, sir and no, sir, Sheriff.
Enos, while you're making up your mind...
you just head them Duke fellers off
at their farm.
That's nice.
Just in case they outfox Rosco,
which they probably will do. Over.
That hurts to the quick.
You little pelican hook.
Do you read me, boy?
I sure do, Mr. Hogg. Now I'm gone.
He's gone. That leaves Rosco.
Let's get rid of him.
Up here at Miller's Creek Road,
take the right-hand fork.
No way. Not in this thing.
Besides, the bridge is still out.
This is a great plan. The road's ended
up ahead, and Rosco's still behind us.
Just let him draw alongside.
How deep do you reckon
that water is down there?
About deep enough to give him
ring around the collar.
Come on, let's ditch this evidence.
With half of Hazzard's law force
treading water...
and the other half waiting for them
to show up at the farm...
that left one spot
the boys could leave the body...
without being caught in the act.
Hush!
JD. Hogg here.
Boss, this is Rosco.
All right. Start whining.
I got some good news
and I got some bad news.
I'll give you some bad news first.
The Duke boys gave me the slip,
but the good news is...
they left the body here in my office...
and he's in real trouble.
Not as much trouble as you'll be in...
if you don't get him and his pine box...
out here to the Boars Nest in a hurry.
You hear me?
What do you want me to do that for?
You don't know grits
from shoe polish, do you?
Just do it, ask no questions,
and keep your big mouth shut.
Enos, this is J.D. Hogg talking.
Are you out there anyplace?
Sure am, Mr. Hogg. Standing guard
right here at the Duke farm.
[ain't seen hide nor hair of anybody.
You better make that sitting guard.
I don't care if you're standing guard...
squatting guard, or sleeping guard.
Just get your butt out here
to the Boars Nest...
for a special duty assignment.
You hear me? Over and out.
Yes, sir. I'm gone.
Now I'm gonna do something
to your little face.
There you are, Rosco.
I'm right here.
-And here it is.
-Right here.
That pine box!
This goes right over there, in that jeep.
Do you follow?
Then I'm gonna phone the Duke boys.
You don't know
where them Duke boys are at.
Of course I do. And you wanna know how?
Because when the Duke boys know
that we don't know where they at...
they always go
where we know they wouldn't go...
'cause they figure we'd never go there.
And that's exactly where they're at now.
Do you follow?
I'm trying.
At the Duke farm, dodo!
That's where they're at!
Of course!
What are you doing there? The jeep!
You said to follow.
The jeep. The box.
And when you've done that,
take two aspirin...
and lie down in a very dark place.
I'll darken his place. Sorry.
And while everyone
was running in circles...
that construction equipment
kept cutting a straight path...
to Henry's empty grave.
When I got that tattoo number, I...
Thank you.
I called the FBI and the Social Security,
but they didn't have it on their file.
I'm sorry,
but what did you expect me to do...
wait and take his fingerprints?
If you'd have waited,
and took your medicine...
from Boss a year ago,
like you were supposed to...
we wouldn't be in this fix now.
There's an anchor in that tattoo.
Did you call the Navy?
I called the Navy,
and the Marines, and the...
I'll get that.
The Air Corps and... To a man,
they said they'd get back to me.
Hello? Jesse Duke here.
It's J.D. Hogg, Jesse.
What you doing, calling now?
The mortgage money ain't due
for two, three weeks now.
It ain't the mortgage, Jesse.
It's the bail money.
Bail money?
Yeah, for a certain member
of your family...
whom I'm having arrested
on a charge of body snatching.
You know you ain't got
one speck of evidence...
against Bo and Luke.
Who said anything about them two?
I'm in the Boars Nest,
looking at the guilty party.
Daisy!
This thing's got more turns
than a bucket of worms.
Framing Daisy for possession
of the body...
was just the beginning of Boss' plan.
Sounds like Boss has got us
over a barrel this time.
No way we're gonna let her take the rap
just to save us from something.
There ain't no way I'm gonna let you boys
take the rap...
for this old...
reprobate here.
He's gone. Both of them is gone.
Henry and Gail were so set
on getting Daisy out of trouble...
that they were nearly to the Boers Nest
before Bo and Luke caught up with them.
Just what do you two think you're doing?
I'm going to see Boss and confess my sins.
We don't wanna get in the middle
of your making amends...
but can't you wait until Uncle Jesse
gets that call back from Washington?
There's still a chance that body
might be identified.
I sure am sorry I had to arrest you
for body-snatching.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard tell of.
In the Boars Nest, it's all I can do...
to keep the live bodies
from snatching at me.
That's beside the point.
Bo, Luke, before you get
your dandruff up...
I'm arresting her 'cause she's guilty.
The law definitely states...
that anybody that has an unidentified body
on their property...
is guilty of snatching it.
And I'm asking you,
is that a body, or is that a body?
I think you need to go out
and get some new glasses.
I don't wear glasses.
Maybe you should.
I don't need glasses to see this body.
I reckon that explains everything.
Can we let Daisy go now?
Unless you both want false arrests
on your record.
All right, you can go, but hang around.
So far, Boss' plan to frame Daisy...
was as flat as last week's beer...
which he was still selling
at a premium price.
That's my convertible, not a hearse.
I'm on my way, Boss!
Don't just stand there, numskull.
Get that box out of there.
And put it...
In Jesse's pickup.
And while everyone was playing
"hide the body"...
that bulldozer was getting ready to reveal
that Henry was right healthy...
for a man that had been dead 3 year.
Here we go.
-I thought you'd never get here.
-I know.
Now, whose tab is this going on?
-You can put it on mine, Daisy.
-okay.
Daisy, you know something?
I had my information all wrong...
which lets you off the hook.
What I mean is...
that body wasn't in your jeep after all.
Shoot. That's what I've been trying
to tell you all along.
It's in your Uncle Jesse's pickup truck.
I knew it.
Which means your Uncle Jesse
is the guilty party.
-Guilty!
-This I gotta see.
-All right. I'll show you.
-Come on, show it.
-Quit pushing me.
-Just get on.
Where is it?
Actually, the corpse weren't
that far away...
considering where Henry left it...
before he and Gail took off in the pickup.
I don't see no sign of no evidence.
Evidence? Shoot, I don't even see
the pickup truck.
I can tell you that something underhanded
is going on around here...
because I personally put that...
Saw that box in your Uncle Jesse's
pickup truck over there.
Somehow I got a feeling
that ain't gonna hold up in court.
He's right, Sheriff.
If there ain't no corpus...
there can be no delicti.
Somebody around here
knows more than he's saying.
Like I said before I was
so rudely interrupted:
"Bottoms up! "
All right, you dang Dukes.
Just hold it right there.
You're under arrest.
Enos, what the heck are you doing...
slurping up buttermilk
with these criminals?
You're beginning to sound
like a broken record.
I just told you a few minutes ago
the body is not in my jeep.
Of course it isn't. I just put it...
I just found it in the General Lee.
I'm serious. Now I want you
to get up real slow...
because you're not gonna trick me again.
We wouldn't think of it, Rosco.
But I would.
Get up and help me, you dumb dipstick!
Anybody else want a beer?
Where'd they go?
There they are!
Freeze!
Come on, you!
Get in your own car.
Hey fellas, wait up!
Now come on. Move it.
This is the Lost Sheep
calling the Shepherd.
We're heading down Highway 7
with a pine box in the trunk...
and a pack of woodpeckers on our tail.
What's next? Come back.
Get that pine box to the Veterans'
Cemetery as quick as possible.
I'll meet you there.
How are we gonna do that, Shepherd...
especially since a certain old swindler
happens to have your pickup?
You better have him meet me there, too.
Don't worry about me.
I'll be taking the shortcut overland.
The bulldozer driver
was Jesse's third cousin by marriage.
In other words, it didn't take
too much shucking and jiving...
to get his cooperation.
He just plum walked off the job.
Jump out of the way.
Daisy said you were over here.
Get a shovel and start digging,
you old Sidewinder...
or I'll bury you before the Boss does.
Come on, will you?
Rosco, do you see that? Them Duke boys.
They're abandoning ship.
Right up ahead. Can you see it? Over.
It don't make no difference, Boss.
There ain't nothing gonna stop me
from getting that evidence now.
I love it.
Here's Daisy.
Give me a hand with this box.
Here we go. Get in there.
Grab something. Grab a shovel.
Now, get lost for a while.
The girls and I will take care of this.
What do you think you are?
Come on down here.
Hold it right there. I'm coming right down.
Look out.
Watch it, will you?
-Hey, Enos! Do us a favor.
-Hold up!
Thanks a lot for stopping, partner.
All right, you Dukes. You're under arrest.
All of you. Every last one of you.
Under arrest? What for?
For snatching bodies, that's what for.
First of all, this here body
wasn't snatched.
It was claimed legal-like.
And second, this here is
a Veterans' Cemetery.
For about 10 minutes more, it is.
Then it becomes a public highway.
Because, you see,
there ain't no veterans buried in it.
Except for Equipment Operator,
First Class, Jonathan Cole.
Serial number 646-77-75.
He was a Seabee attached
to the First Construction Battalion.
What do you think of that?
You just can't do this.
We ain't doing nothing.
It's the United States government.
Which means Hogg's Heavenly Acres
can go plum to...
I reckon we all know what I mean.
You Dukes! You're always interfering,
ain't you?
Trespassing, sticking your nose
into other people's business.
You can't even let a man do
what he wants to with his own swamp.
Without that highway...
our whole civilization's
going down the drain.
-Come on! Let's get out of here.
-Get your car.
Since the deceased veteran had no kin...
the folks of Hazzard County
decided to adopt him...
as their own personal war hero.
Firing team, ready?
Aim.
Fire!
So, with Boss never even knowing
that he was still alive...
Henry Flatt finally got the chance
to rest in peace...
thanks to the Dukes of Hazzard.