The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 2, Episode 30 - Alex Runs the House - full transcript

Jeff visits his uncle and aunt on their farm by himself. Donna is worried and misses Jeff so much, she goes to the farm as well. Alex and Mary have to take care of the house and meals while she is gone.

Now, honey, don't forget to send
us a wire as soon as you get there,

I mean, right at the airport.

What's the matter,
Mom? Are you worried?

Well, it's an old custom, Jeff.

People who go on trips
usually notify their families

when they arrive safely.

It may seem a
little quaint to you,

but we've given you the
money, so you send it.

OK. I don't mind.

Boy, spring vacation
at Uncle Bill's farm.

Oh, it will be wonderful.



You'll have a
wonderful vacation.

Gee, Jeff, you better hurry.
Your plane is almost full.

She can't wait to get rid of me.

Bye, honey, have
a wonderful time.

- Bye, Ma.
- Have a wonderful time.

- Goodbye, Jeff.
- Bye!

Goodbye!

Oh, your Uncle Bill's farm

will be a wonderful
experience for him.

Yes, but Uncle Bill
may never be the same.

Darling, I know how you feel,

our son zooming across
the sky all by himself.

- Oh, well— - It gives
me a twinge, too, but...

There's nothing to worry about.



After all, Jeff is not
a baby anymore.

Yeah, I found that out when
I had to pay full fare for him.

I'm not worried a bit.
He's perfectly safe.

Of course.

Just think of all that heavenly
peace and quiet around the house.

There they go. Bye!

What's the matter, darling?

I miss him already.

You look very
pretty tonight, dear.

Oh, thank you, Mommy.

What time is Herby
picking you up?

Herby?

- I didn't say I had
a date with Herby.
- Hmm?

But you were just saying the
other day that Herby was, um,

well, I think your
exact words were,

"Utterly dreamy."

- No, dear, that was Roger.
- No, Dad, that was Arty.

Arty is my date tonight
and he's dreamy, too.

Oh, well, I'd like to have
the latest information

on matters like this.

Which of the two is dreamier?

That's just my problem.
I-I can't make up my mind.

Well, if you have
to have a problem,

that seems like a
pleasant one to have.

Something on your mind, darling?

- Oh, well,
I'm worried about Jeff.
- Jeff?

Well, we should have
had a wire from him.

Well, it's too soon.

But the plane supposedly
landed an hour ago.

Well, if Jeff
remembers to send it,

maybe we can expect
it later this evening.

Oh, I'll go get it.

Tell me, have you met Arty?

Hmm-hmm.

Um, is he really as
dreamy as Herby?

Uh, I mean, Roger?

Well, neither of them would have
made my girlish heart beat faster,

but then, I've always had
strange taste in that department.

Yeah.

Oh, it wasn't Arty. It's
just an old telegram.

Oh!

Uh, I'll read it to you,
if you're too nervous.

"Arrived safely." The
trip was real great.

"Can't stand not
using all 15 words.

Love, Jeff."

Let me see that.

My son's love was
squeezed in by the word

right at the telegraph company.

Alex! Alex, come here!

Ye a h?

- What's up?
- Alex, from Jeff!

- Well, after a week,
it's about time.
- Yes.

Well, let's see
what he has to say.

- Well, let's get comfortable.
- All right.

Oh.

"Dear Family, feeling
fine, having good time.

Your son, Jeff."

We do better if
he sent telegrams.

At least, we'd be sure of
getting 15 words out of him.

Alex, what... do you suppose
something has happened?

Well, talkative boy who
meets pen and paper,

talkative boy
becomes Silent Sam.

After waiting a whole
week for a letter?

Just this?

Oh, Alex.

Look, darling.

If you miss Jeff so much,

why-why don't you just
fly up there tomorrow?

- Tomorrow?
- Yeah.

You're going, uh, you're
going next weekend anyway.

Why not just go a week earlier?

- No. It's out of the question?
- Why?

Well, I-I couldn't
be gone that long.

Why not?

Well, the first two
reasons are you and Mary.

How would you get along?

Well, it's the same way as
we would have gotten along

when you went next week.

Oh, but that would
be just for a weekend.

I-I couldn't be gone
for a whole week.

Oh, nonsense. Of
course you could.

We get along fine.

Well, I'm not exactly
helpless, neither is Mary.

Oh, Alex, I know
how you hate to eat

all your meals in restaurants.

Really, darling, you're very
particular about your food.

You-you like a variety of meals
and-and a hot lunch and... lunch.

Oh, my gosh.

I-I've got a-a lunch
date with Wilma.

Wilma? What about my lunch?

- Oh, your lunch is
all prepared, dear.
- Oh.

They're cold cuts
in the refrigerator.

Well, if you miss Jeff so much,
why don't you go and join him?

That's what Alex said.

He thinks he and Mary can
get along for a while without me.

Sure he does, they all do.

What do you mean by that?

They all think
they can get along.

Alex will find being on his
own a lot harder than he thinks.

Well, then, I
really shouldn't go.

That's exactly
why you should go.

It's the only way a man
gets to realize how dependent

he is on his wife.

Believe me, Donna, Alex
will appreciate you more

if you let him flounder
around on his own for a while.

Well, that may be
true with some men,

but not Alex.

- Let me.
- No, no, it's my turn.

Besides, I want to
exploit you after lunch.

Exploit me? For what?

Oh, I'd like you to help
me pick out the fabric

for my new drapes.

Oh, Wilma, does it
have to be this afternoon?

No. We can do it
later in the week.

That would be better for me.

I'm on a terribly
tight schedule.

I've got to get a roast ready
and do some extra cleaning

and bake a pineapple
upside-down cake.

Bake it?

Don't you buy your
cakes at Peppy's?

Oh, well, I usually do,

but pineapple upside-down
cake is a favorite of Alex's

and I thought a homemade
one might be a treat.

You're going to
a lot of trouble.

I hope Alex appreciates it.

Well, darling, upside-down cake.

It looks wonderful.

Oh, I think I'll wear
my green wool.

- Oh, that's a good idea, dear.
- Thank you, darling.

- Thank you, Mama.
- Mm-hmm.

This isn't Peppy's cake, is it?

- You noticed the difference?
- I sure do.

Wherever you got
it, don't go back there.

Peppy's is better.

- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

You-you don't
care for it at all?

Well, it just doesn't have that
zing that Peppy's cakes have.

Well, I guess, Peppy's had a
lot more experience than I have.

You baked this cake?

With my own clumsy little hands.

You know, I think I'll
wear my red jersey,

just to be sure.

Oh, darling, I-I-I didn't know.

Well, of course not.

Uh, as a matter of
fact, I'm glad you didn't

because if you had,

you might never
have told me the truth

and I'd have gotten on slaving
over a hot stove baking these cakes.

Darling, actually...

Oh, here, honey, let me get
you something else for dessert.

No. No, no, please, please.

When I said that Peppy's
cakes were better than this,

I-I-I didn't mean that
this was no good.

It just has no zing?

Well, frankly, I get a little
tired of zing, sometimes.

Darling, I-I-I wish you didn't
feel that you-you have to soothe

my hurt feelings.

My feelings aren't hurt.

As a matter of fact, I-I'm
not even angry or annoyed.

Well, I-I admire
your attitude, Donna.

That's, uh, you're
very objective about it.

Hmm. Very good.

Honey, I've made up my mind.

I-i-if you think
you can get along,

you and Mary can
get along without me,

I-I-I-I'm going to go
to the farm earlier.

Well, fine, darling, if
that's what you want to do.

All right. I-I'll go tonight.

Well.

I've just made up my mind.

I thought you'd made
up your mind before.

Well, I just made it up again.

Hmm.

Oh, Daddy, the-the-the
hot cakes are cold.

Well, uh, that's
my fault, honey,

for being on the telephone
when you told me they were ready.

Oh, the bacon. My bacon.

Gee, it's, uh, it's
a little overdone.

Well, it's all right. I
like my bacon crispy.

Yes, well, um,
but this isn't crispy,

it's-it's crumbly.

Well, don't worry
about it, honey.

It could happen to anyone.

Gee, Daddy, you know,
when mother makes breakfast,

everything comes out even.

Well, your mother has had
more experience than you have.

I'll tell you what, I'll just
have a cup of coffee.

All right. A cup of coffee.

Daddy, I forgot to
turn on the stove.

I'll, uh, I'll make myself
a cup later, honey?

OK, Daddy.

Daddy, you know, I'm really
awfully sorry about all of this.

I-I'll make it all
up at dinner time.

I'm sure you will, dear.

That wasn't much
of a dinner, was it?

Hmm, it's delicious.

Who says you can't have
scrambled eggs for dinner?

Well, if only I hadn't
burnt the roast.

Well, can't win them all.

- Maybe that's your mother.
- Oh, I'll get it.

If it's mother,
I'll let you know.

Yes, Roger, I'd love to.

OK. Thank you very much.

See you then. Bye-bye.

The dreamy one?

I have a date with
Arty for the 16th

and a date next
Saturday night with Roger.

Wow.

You have a date
with Roger for the 16th

and with Arty for
next Saturday night?

Oh, no, Daddy, it's
the other way around.

I have a date with
Arty for the 16th

and a date next
Saturday night with Roger.

It doesn't matter, honey.
Next Saturday is the 16th.

Oh, no.

Oh, oh, that-that-that
just can't be.

No, you can't win an
argument with the calendar.

Oh. Daddy, this is terrible.

What am I going to do?

Well, uh...

Oh, oh, Daddy, you'll
have to forgive me.

For what?

Oh, for leaving you with
all these dishes again,

but I have to go
over to Kitty's house.

She's just wonderful
with problems like this.

- Do you mind?
- No, no.

- You can go over to Kitty's.
- Oh, thank you, Daddy.

Ah, about the
dishes though, um...

Yes, Daddy?

Now, I've been giving
this matter a lot of thought.

See, if you look
at it scientifically,

it resolves itself into a matter
of conservation of energy and,

uh, overcoming inertia.

You know, stop and go
activity for the human body

is an extravagant
waste of energy.

But, uh, Daddy, I-I know you're
trying to tell me something, but...

I'm trying to tell you that
it's more efficient to let

the dishes pile up for one
big dishwashing session

than to waste energy with a
lot of little dishwashing sessions.

Oh, oh, but, Daddy, Mother
doesn't like to leave dishes.

Oh, we're on our own here,
so we will use our own system.

Now, I've counted all our dishes

and estimated the
number used per meal.

Now, according to my figures,

we have enough
dishes for four days.

So, that's when we'll wash them.

Every four days.

Every four days?

Every four days.

Hmm, that's a
wonderful idea, Daddy.

Well, I'll go over to
Kitty's now. Bye-bye.

Bye, honey.

Lucky.

Hi, dear.

Daddy, we have to face it.

Four days of dishes to wash.

Let's put it off another day.
We'll be stronger tomorrow.

Daddy, what are we going
to do for dinner tonight,

there's not a single
clean dish in the house?

Ah, science has an
answer to that, too.

Frozen prepared dinners.

Put it in the oven, heat,
eat and throw away the tray.

Well, I'm going to take
more of an interest in science

from now on.

Hmm, gee, I sure wish science
could help me with my problem.

Oh, what's that?

Arty and Roger.

- The dreamy ones?
- Hmm-hmm.

Kitty couldn't come up
with an answer either,

so now, I still have dates with
both of them for Saturday night.

Well, now, that's
a simple problem

with a simple logical solution.

You break your
date with one of them.

Oh, oh, but he might get
angry and never call me again.

Oh, then, break your
date with the other one.

But I don't want to
lose either of them.

Oh.

It's my considered opinion

that you have a problem
that baffles science.

Thank you, Daddy.

Boy, you sure have to work

to get a drink of
water around here.

But think how good it tastes.

It's a lot better than that old
tap water we get in the city.

Yeah.

Oh, and the air out here,
it's so fresh and crisp.

Yeah.

And the food we get,

vegetables right from the garden

and eggs right from the chickens

and milk right from the cows.

Oh, it-it's just wonderful.

You talk pretty big, Mom,

but I think you're
homesick for Dad and Mary.

You're right, Jeff.

I miss them very much.

Don't let this get around,
but I miss them, too.

Well, do you know how
long ago he left the hospital?

It-it's very important.

Oh, never mind, he's here now.

Thank you very much. Goodbye.

Oh, Daddy, I'm so
glad you're here.

Mother and Jeff are
arriving this evening.

They-they'll be here
in less than an hour.

Oh, that's wonderful,

but I thought they weren't
supposed to be home

until this weekend.

Oh, well, they
changed their minds.

I was so afraid I wouldn't
be able to reach you

and nobody would be
there to pick them up.

Oh, we'd better get
this place cleaned up,

especially the kitchen.

Well, Daddy, we don't have time.

It-it would take a couple of
hours just to do the kitchen.

How long would it take you
to change into something

that would, uh,
look respectable?

Well, not very long.

Oh, you-you go ahead then.

While you're doing that,
I'll take care of the dishes.

But Daddy, that's impossible.

You can't do all
those dishes that fast.

Now, you run along.

Just leave it to my
scientific approach.

Oh, Daddy, that's miraculous.

Oh, the scientific approach
often accomplishes miracles.

As a matter of fact, I may
have this one patented.

Well, we better
rush to the airport.

We want to be there
when they get off the plane.

That's right.

- Hi!
- Hi, Dad!

- Hi!
- Hi!

You know, I hate to admit
it, but there are some times...

Darling!

Well, Jeff, do you think
you're going to be able to make

the adjustment to city life?

Well, I'll try to
get used to it.

All right. Let's get your
bags and get out of here.

Oh, I feel like I've been
out of town for months.

We're not going right home.
I'm taking us all out to dinner.

Oh, great!

Well, aren't you sick
of eating in restaurants?

Well, we didn't in a restaurant

the whole time you were away.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Well, I suppose the
house isn't a mess.

No, I wouldn't say that.

Neat as a pin, isn't it, Mary?

Oh, you'll be surprised.

Daddy used a scientific
method for housekeeping.

He's planning on
having it patented.

Really?

Oh, but I got into a hopeless
mess while you were gone.

Oh, what happened?

Well, I made dates
with both Arty and Roger

for the same night.

This Saturday, in fact,

and I just know
whichever one I call off,

I'll never hear from again.

Well, why don't you go
out with both of them?

You and your girlfriends
are always talking about

double dates.

That's not what we mean.

Daddy tried the
scientific approach,

but it didn't work.

Honey, why don't
you tell Roger and Arty

that your mother has
just returned from a trip

and she wants you to spend
Saturday with the family,

which I do?

That way, you can break
both dates and make new ones.

Mother, that's a wonderful
idea and it's so simple.

Now, just remember to make
the new dates for different days.

Well, I will. Why
didn't I think of that?

Excuse me, Dr. Stone.

- Telephone call for you.
- Thank you.

Welcome home, dear.

Dr. Stone speaking.

Oh, yes, Mrs. Allen.

He is?

All right. I'll be right over.

All right. Goodbye.

I'm sorry, darling,
it's just our luck.

- Wouldn't you know?
- Yeah.

Well, I'll see you
all at home later.

- OK.
- All right, goodbye, Dad.

Oh, hi, Mom. Are you still up?

I'm waiting for your
father to come home.

You should be in bed.

Well, I am in bed, practically.

I just came down
for a glass of milk.

A glass of milk?

You had two glasses
with your dinner.

Well, but it takes three
glasses of thin city milk

to equal one glass
of thick country milk.

Honey, go back up to bed.

I'll get a glass of milk
and bring it up to you.

Gee, thanks, Mom.

You know, that's one
thing I missed on the farm,

the service.

- Hi, dear.
- Oh.

I thought you
might like a snack.

Oh, well, that's, uh, very
thoughtful of you, darling.

Um, how about some hot cakes?

Hot cakes? Yeah, hot hot cakes.

All right.

One order of hot
cakes coming up.

Uh, no.

Don't you like hot
cakes anymore?

Well, yes, yes,
sure, I do, but, uh,

I think I just soon
have something

right out of the refrigerator.

- How about some cheese?
- Wonderful.

- Oh, I better get you a plate.
- No!

- We need a knife.
- No!

I guess I would be
happy with a piece of fruit.

Anything you say, dear.

Oh.

Thank you, darling.

You're welcome, dear.

Oh, it's awfully nice to
have you back, darling.

Oh, it's very nice of
you to say that, dear,

especially since you got
along so well without me.

Oh.

You know, I've
just been thinking,

since you can manage so
well, I'll accept that appointment

as delegate to the PTA
Convention in Chicago.

Oh, no. Oh, no. You're
not going away again.

Oh, but, darling, you managed
so brilliantly as a housekeeper.

Honey, is that what you
think your contribution

to this family is, housekeeping?

Do you realize what it means
to me to come home late at night

like this and find you here
and, uh, the loneliness,

oh, hold on, no,
I plan to put up a

mighty strong argument
to keep you at home.

It won't be necessary, darling.
All I want is to be wanted.

Oh.

Thank you, dear.

Darling, uh, why don't
you run along upstairs?

I, uh, got a few things
to clean up in the office.

All right, dear.

Looking for something, dear?

Not anymore.

I found it.

Darling, why don't
you tell me more about

the scientific approach
to housekeeping

that you're going
to have patented?

Oh, that? No, I've
given up that idea.

Oh?

I'm going to have
you patented instead.