The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 2, Episode 28 - Pickles for Charity - full transcript
The Woman's Medical Auxiliary host a dance event. While the dance was a success, raising funds was not. The Auxiliary decides to hold another event to raise money to pay for the dance. Donna decides to sell homemade pickles.
Oh, Alex, what a
wonderful evening.
A social triumph.
I danced every dance.
Yes, you did Nijinsky,
hmm, including two
with Marcia Kinder.
Well, she practically
begged me for an encore.
Hmm.
You should follow policy
of only one to a customer.
Gosh, I don't even
feel tired, I feel so,
hmmm...
Why don't we drive
out to lover's leap?
Hmm, thank you, dear.
But the violins have stopped
and you're due at
the hospital early.
I'll toss you to see who
carries whom up the stairs.
Heads.
Tails.
Carry me.
- How about some milk first.
- All right.
Everyone was saying that it
was the most successful affair
in the history of the auxiliary.
Madam Chairman, your
committee did a magnificent job.
Well, we sold more
tickets than ever before.
Put down that bottle of milk
and I'll give you my very
personal congratulations.
Oh...
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
Did we wake you?
No, that's all right,
how was the dance?
Daddy, what's the matter?
Mother, what happened to daddy?
Well, you know that
exuberant feeling
when you've been
the belle of the ball.
Daddy?
What do you mean daddy?
How do you think I work
my way to medical school.
Oh, daddy.
Doesn't he dance like a dream?
Honey, will you help me
carry him upstairs later.
- Oh...
- Can't a guy get any sleep...
I'm sorry, dear.
Do you want me to waltz
you back into your room?
Jeff, did you know daddy worked
his way to school as a gigolo?
This whole family
has blown its top,
I'm going to bed.
Goodnight Jeff.
Honey, congratulate your
mother, the dance was a smash.
Oh, momma, that's wonderful
especially after all the
work you did, momma.
Well, thank you, dear.
You get better some sleep too.
- OK, goodnight, momma.
- Goodnight, sweetheart.
- Goodnight, daddy.
- Goodnight, honey.
- Madam Chairman.
- Hmm?
You look very pretty tonight.
Well, thank you, sir. I'm
glad you like my dress.
Oh, you did as much with
the dress as it did for you.
We should go dancing more often.
Mm-hmm.
Ah, if that's a patient,
I'm too tired to
change, I'll go formal.
Hello.
Oh, hello, Laura.
No, no, we just got home.
Wasn't it a wonderful evening?
Oh, but that can't be.
Oh, yes, I believe you, but...
Oh, well, Laura, don't be
upset, we'll do something.
I know.
Yeah. I'll call a meeting.
Goodnight, Laura.
What's bothering Laura?
The most successful affair
in the history of
the medical auxiliary
ended up with a $220 deficit.
Whew.
The committee went over
the figures and over the figures
and it always
comes out the same.
We paid out more
than we took in.
425... 20.99, 9.87,
60. This checks.
You're $220 in the hole.
You see, we just didn't
charge enough for the tickets.
But if we had charged more,
we wouldn't have
had as many people.
But a smaller deficit.
Honey, if it's any consolation,
everybody that I talked to
today had a marvelous time.
Well, why shouldn't they?
They were having
fun at a cut-rate price.
Wasn't there some way
of estimating expenses
and basing the price
of tickets on that.
It seems simple.
How would you like to serve
on the auxiliary next year?
Oh, not me.
I'll do the dancing,
let somebody else take
care of the bookkeeping.
- Come on. Watch it now.
- Jeff.
- Ow, ow, ow...
- What happened?
Jeff sliced his finger
cutting some cake.
Oh, Jeff.
Well, the cake slipped.
Well, let's wash it off
and put something on it.
Oh, I'll do it daddy.
Oh, no, I'm not going to be
operated on by some quack.
I'll be in attendance.
- Thank you, sir.
- You better not hurt my finger.
- Oh, I will...
- Watch it now.
Ow, Ow...
Hey, Jeff, could you put your
cake down during the surgery?
In some cases,
cake has been known
to act as a local anesthetic.
Florence Nightingale
is trying to kill me.
Ouch!
Oh, very nice work, nurse.
Thank you, sir.
There we are.
Does it hurt, dear?
Only when he chews.
Well, darling, what does
your committee plan to do
about the deficit?
Oh, we're going to raise
the money and pay it off.
How? Run another dance?
We're going to prorate the loss
and each member of the committee
is going to make up her
share, it comes to about $27.
I must have lost blood.
$27, who do I make
the check out to.
Oh, no, no, we're going to
raise the money by earning it.
Mrs. Johnson is going to
auction off a hooked rug
and Dorothy Weber is going to
make some hats and sell them
and I haven't quite
decided what I'm going to do.
- I have a suggestion.
- Yes? What?
Pay the $27.
I was laughing from pain, mom.
Jeff, would you like to
contribute some of your savings
to mother's committee?
Boy, this hurts.
Are you two trying to say
that I have no business talents?
You're the nicest
wife I ever had.
Didn't I raise $18
on the Winnie roast?
Yes, you did, dear,
and we spent 34.
And we broke a dozen dishes.
And Ralph Moffit crashed
through the hammock.
And everyone had
a wonderful time.
Darling, you're
a superb hostess,
but you operated a loss.
Well, mother, whatever you
decide, you can count on my help.
Well, I'm glad to know
that there is at least one
loyal member in this family.
Oh, honey, you're a
talented, efficient woman,
but why get
involved in projects,
you just finished one?
Because I don't want
to be the only one
making an outright donation.
And besides part of
giving is giving of yourself.
I'll put my heart into it
when I write the check.
Money is one of the nicest
things you can do for people.
You know, I think I'll start
charging that one a nickel
every time I darn his socks.
Well, you can't do that, I'm
your own flesh and blood.
And as for you...
I leave tips after all meals.
What meal?
Come on dear, help me figure
out a way to earn the money,
we'll show them.
Boy, that must have
been a nasty crack.
Ah, no worry Jeff,
after all when the
chips are down,
a man knows who his friends are.
Oh, momma, how about a bazaar,
we could get a big pile
over our old clothes together
and take them down at the...
Oh, honey, I send a big
pile down to the shelter
just last week.
Pay the $27.
Your father is
being helpful again.
Oh, Jeff, not
another, you'll be sick.
Mom, how can a guy get sick
on the best pickles in the country.
In the world,
Jeff, in the world.
Well, I never thought I'd drag
a compliment out of those two.
Oh, talent is talent.
I married your mother because
of the way she made pickles.
It was a perfect romance.
I dilled while you
daddy tangoed.
- Wonderful, momma.
- Well, thank you, dear.
I'll put the recipe
in your hope chest.
- Pickles.
- Pickles?
Pickle?
You think mom worked
too hard on that committee?
Of course, why didn't I
think of that before, pickles?
My one outstanding ability.
I'll sell pickles and
raise the money.
First mom was going to
charge me for darning my socks
and now I have to
pay for my pickles.
I think what your
mother had in my mind
was a door-to-door
pickles salesman.
Oh, I can wrap a pickle in
every newspaper I deliver.
Or you can set up a
counter in my office.
Oh, momma, how
will we sell them?
Well, honey, don't
worry, we'll find a way.
Sir, would you like a Mother
Stone homemade pickle?
Hmm.
Oh, hello, Mrs. Stone.
- Hello, Mr. Ross.
- Can I help you?
- Yes.
- Sit down.
Thank you very much.
Did you enjoy yourself at
the dance the other night?
Oh, the Mrs. and I
had a wonderful time.
Say, Dr. Stone sure
is a smooth stepper.
Oh, thank you.
You know, Freda has
been after me for years
to take dancing lessons.
Me and my two left feet.
Oh, well I noticed you.
I thought you were
doing very well.
That's only when I
danced with Freda.
She leads.
Let me have the boy for
your order while you're waiting.
- Oh, thank you.
- Charlie.
- Hello, Mrs. Stone.
- Hello, Charlie.
Would you get Mrs.
Stone's order, please?
"One dozen eggs,
two quarts of milk,
and a 150 pounds of cucumbers"?
That's what I came
to see you about.
Call the warehouse
and get some good ones.
You see Mr. Ross we
lost money on that dance.
Well, how could you do
that, the place was jammed?
Well, we took in
less than we paid out.
That will do it.
So each member of the committee
has volunteered to
make up her share.
I see.
Well, the tickets
were reasonable;
it was for a good cause, why
not I write you a little check?
Oh, no, no, thank you very much.
We decided to raise
the money on our own.
How?
Run another dance?
No.
I know it may
sound like boasting,
but my family thinks that
I make very good pickles.
As a matter of fact
they're wild about them.
I know how it is.
My Freda jars the finest
spiced pears in the world.
Confidentially, I married Freda
because of her spiced pears.
Oh, isn't it strange the things
that brings couples together.
Well, anyway,
I thought that I would make
up a lot of these pickles.
And perhaps you would
let me sell them here.
Here? I have pickles.
Oh, yes, I know, and
they're very good too.
But I thought if you would
just give me a little section
on Saturday,
well, if it's too much
trouble or something...
I'll understand.
Mrs. Stone, when
we call Dr. Stone
at two o'clock in the morning
for my grandchild he comes.
You want to sell
pickles, sell pickles.
Oh, Mr. Ross, thank
you, you're an angle
and I would be very
happy to pay for the space.
Oh, please, it's for charity.
Besides, I believe in
friendly competition.
If your pickles are
better than mine...
Oh, thank you again. Goodbye.
- I had my pawn...
- Oh, you did not.
Oh, go away.
- Hi.
- Hi, darling.
Hi, mother.
I have a lot of
package in the car.
Pickles for charity.
Listen, tomorrow we've got
to get some jars and labels
and then tomorrow afternoon...
Hey, mom, I promise
to meet Zach tomorrow.
Men that don't work, don't eat.
I'll call it off.
Oh, and Mr. Ross said I
could have a small section
of his store on Saturday.
In a frame house
on a narrow street,
in a little village,
a woman with a
dream started a venture
that mushroomed
into a mighty empire
in remote corners
of the earth...
Give that man a pickle.
Come on, help me
get the packages.
I used to make
pickles on the farm
every summer with grandma.
- Really?
- Yes.
You know, I still don't see why
they have to wake the cows up
at five in the morning.
To milk them, dimwit.
I know, but shouldn't they
let them sleep a little longer.
I mean, it's so early
they'd be grouchy.
Well, when we get to
the farm next summer
don't go spreading
propaganda among the cows.
Well, if they're happy
I won't say a word.
All right.
You put the pickles in the jars
and I'll pour in the ingredients
and you put on the
labels and seal the jars.
Hey, we have a
real assembly line.
Well, I'm too young
to work in a factory.
Never mind, I got
special dispensation
from the child labor board.
All right. Go.
Jeff.
Well, I had to taste it mom,
after all we don't want to
send out an inferior product.
But it's a point dear,
but we don't want to be short
of pickle on every jar either.
All right.
Let's start over again
and no pickle tasting.
Go on.
Oh, we made it.
Yes, we did, dear.
And thank you both very much.
Honey, would you get a
couple of cartons out by the door.
We'll store them in the
basement until Saturday.
If you advance
me a little credit,
I'll buy them all myself.
Hmm, you'll eat pickles in bed.
Oh, I just don't want the secret
formula to get out of this house.
Well, I don't think they can
figure out the ingredients
just by tasting them.
Well, some wise guy
will take it to a chemist.
Well, we can't
stop progress, dear.
You know, we're going
to need some kind of sign.
Oh, daddy, look.
I know.
My patients have been drooling.
Jeff, you're good at lettering,
could you fix me
up some kind of sign
that says, uh,
"Pickles for Charity"?
Momma, how much
are you going to charge?
Oh, well we don't want
to undercut Mr. Ross,
his pickles sell
for about 49 cents,
we'll charge 50 cents.
Excuse me madam, I understand
you carry homemade pickles.
Oh, our supply is limited,
only two to a customer.
I'll take the limit.
Thank you, sir.
Daddy, where are
you taking them?
I'm going to pass out to the
children instead of lollipops.
- It does look nice, does it?
- Uh-hmm.
- Looks nice, Mrs. Stone.
- Oh, thank you, Charlie.
Now, just politely offer
the people a sample
when they come
by and if they like it...
No sales pressure.
Oh, can I just politely say,
stuff yourself with
pickles for charity.
No, they'll know
it's for charity.
- Well, I guess we're
open for business.
- Yeah.
Oh, I better call Dr. Sanburn
and cancel my dental
appointment this morning
before we get too busy.
Well, why are you
going to cancel it?
Why? Because the pickles.
You mean you don't trust us?
But of course I trust you.
Oh, mother we can handle this.
- You can?
- Sure.
Well, I mean...
Well, to tell you the truth,
I know it may sound silly,
but I do feel kind of
nervous about this,
it's like having your paintings
exhibited for the first time.
Pickles are so personal.
You know, I think I will be
more comfortable at the dentist.
Oh, sure mom.
You go to Dr. Sanburn
and us two super salesman
will take care of everything.
All right. I'll come
back as soon as I can.
- OK. Bye, mom.
- Goodbye, mommy.
Thank you.
And remember,
Jeff, no high pressure.
We won't need any mom,
your pickles will
go like hotcakes.
Excuse me, would you like to try
some of these homemade pickles?
It's for charity.
Hmm, they're very
good, thank you.
She eats ours, but buys theirs.
Well, Jeff, people get
used to certain brands
they've tried before.
Oh, would you like to try some
of these homemade pickles?
The money goes to
the kids at the hospital.
Well, aren't you two adorable.
- May I?
- Well, certainly.
Well, these are marvelous.
Who made them?
Our mother.
How many jars would you like?
Oh, I'm not allowed
to eat pickles.
I mean, I love them, but
they give me heartburn.
Thank you so much.
You're both so sweet.
Thank you for trying them.
Thank you for trying them.
She's going to eat samples,
but she can't eat pickles.
Jeff, let's not get discouraged,
we, um, we just started.
Who is discouraged?
Our samples are
going like crazy.
- Jeff, we aren't doing so well.
- What do you mean?
We gave away two jars of
samples and we got three donations?
How's it going kids?
Oh, all right, Mr. Ross.
Oh, fine.
For some reason, I'm
having a big day with pickles.
Keep it up, it's
for a good cause.
Sure he's having a big day,
our samples remind the
customers they need pickles.
Jeff, maybe we like them so
much because mother makes them.
Oh, that has
nothing to do with it.
No. Now look,
when Lucy Bergen invited
me over to her house for dinner,
she told me that her mother
made the best meatballs
in the whole world.
So?
Jeff, they were terrible.
But you should have seen
her family gobbling them up
like they were peanuts.
I don't know.
It must have something
to do with family loyalty.
My stomach doesn't
know a thing about loyalty.
Excuse me, would you
like... to have sample.
Well, at least we
broke even on that one.
You know, we're going
to have to start some
high pressure salesmanship.
Say, this is the best
pickles I ever ate,
can I have six jars?
Sir, would you care to
try this homemade pickle?
Well, thank you.
Hmm. They are good.
But I can't eat them, they
give my wife heartburn.
Aren't they just adorable.
Oh, Jeff, when mother gets back
and sees it we
haven't sold any...
Well, we tried.
Oh, I know, but when a
woman is proud about something
she does well, it breaks her
heart when she discovers...
Oh, say, can I have three more
jars to those wonderful pickles.
My mother serves
them to the company
instead of salted peanuts;
they're very good
for children too,
they have lots of vitamins.
- Would you care to try
these homemade pickles?
- No, Alex.
We're having a special sale.
Well, thank you.
Mine are better. Too much dill.
How much are they?
- Oh, 50 cents.
- Only two to a customer.
Oh, I'm going to
take you right home...
I'm not going to bring you to
the supermarket anymore...
- Would you care...?
- Oh, thank you.
- Hi, daddy.
- Hi, dad.
Well, how's it going?
That was the closest
we ever came to a sale.
I could murder that Elvis.
Oh, daddy, it's just
been heartbreaking.
Poor mother.
Haven't you sold any?
Daddy, what are we going to do?
Mother will be back
soon from the dentist.
Well, I don't think it's a personal
commentary on your mother.
Well, daddy, it's just as if,
the thing that mother does best
is a failure.
She's just going to feel awful.
You know, she's worked so hard,
first on the dance
and now on this
and all for nothing.
Now, your mother has a
lot of wonderful qualities,
they're not just marketable.
Aside from her pride,
I think we should spare
her another project.
Ah, I know you have a
limit of two to a customer,
but why don't I buy them all.
Oh, daddy that
would be wonderful,
you know I have some at
home that I can contribute.
Well, I've got $3
in savings and loan.
I wouldn't want you
to lose the interest,
I'll advance the money.
Daddy, what will we
do with all of these jars?
Hmm, it's a good question.
See, would you like to try
this new brand of pickles,
it's a free offer.
Why, thank you.
Free pickles, homemade.
Try this free sample...
You're very welcome.
- Hi, momma.
- Hi.
Hi, mom, how was the dentist.
Why, you practically sold out.
- Yeah.
- All except this one.
They went as fast as
we could pick them up.
I should have
made twice as many.
Dorothy Weber hasn't
sold any hats yet.
Oh, here comes a lady.
Let me see if I can
sell this last one.
Uh, oh, you've been
so wonderful about this,
I'll take the last one.
Who's on the phone, dear?
Oh, it was Dorothy Weber,
she hasn't sold
a one of her hats.
No?
That's a shame mother,
she makes lovely hats.
It's very strange,
everyone is always
complimenting Dorothy on her hats
and Mrs. Johnson
on her hooked rugs
and Phyllis Parker on her
embroidered pillow slips,
- but nobody buys them.
- Hmm.
Oh, how about the other
committee members, momma?
Not a one of them
sold their quota.
Except you.
Well, anybody can make
hooked rugs or pillowcases or hats,
but pickles.
Jeff is right.
Turn out an exceptional product
and the world will
beat your doors down.
You know, I think
I have the solution
to make up the entire deficit,
I'll go out and buy 400
pounds of cucumbers
and some mason
jars and dill and...
Don't you think that's
a good idea, dear?
Yeah.
Yes. Yeah.
Relax darling,
you won't have to
buy 300 jars of pickles
to spare my feelings.
Hmm?
Not me.
Not me.
Not I.
- $27 worth of pickles.
- But...
I didn't know you
love me that much.
Darling, how did you know,
you were at the
dentist all morning?
You gave a free jar of
pickles to Dr. Sanburn's nurse.
wonderful evening.
A social triumph.
I danced every dance.
Yes, you did Nijinsky,
hmm, including two
with Marcia Kinder.
Well, she practically
begged me for an encore.
Hmm.
You should follow policy
of only one to a customer.
Gosh, I don't even
feel tired, I feel so,
hmmm...
Why don't we drive
out to lover's leap?
Hmm, thank you, dear.
But the violins have stopped
and you're due at
the hospital early.
I'll toss you to see who
carries whom up the stairs.
Heads.
Tails.
Carry me.
- How about some milk first.
- All right.
Everyone was saying that it
was the most successful affair
in the history of the auxiliary.
Madam Chairman, your
committee did a magnificent job.
Well, we sold more
tickets than ever before.
Put down that bottle of milk
and I'll give you my very
personal congratulations.
Oh...
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
Did we wake you?
No, that's all right,
how was the dance?
Daddy, what's the matter?
Mother, what happened to daddy?
Well, you know that
exuberant feeling
when you've been
the belle of the ball.
Daddy?
What do you mean daddy?
How do you think I work
my way to medical school.
Oh, daddy.
Doesn't he dance like a dream?
Honey, will you help me
carry him upstairs later.
- Oh...
- Can't a guy get any sleep...
I'm sorry, dear.
Do you want me to waltz
you back into your room?
Jeff, did you know daddy worked
his way to school as a gigolo?
This whole family
has blown its top,
I'm going to bed.
Goodnight Jeff.
Honey, congratulate your
mother, the dance was a smash.
Oh, momma, that's wonderful
especially after all the
work you did, momma.
Well, thank you, dear.
You get better some sleep too.
- OK, goodnight, momma.
- Goodnight, sweetheart.
- Goodnight, daddy.
- Goodnight, honey.
- Madam Chairman.
- Hmm?
You look very pretty tonight.
Well, thank you, sir. I'm
glad you like my dress.
Oh, you did as much with
the dress as it did for you.
We should go dancing more often.
Mm-hmm.
Ah, if that's a patient,
I'm too tired to
change, I'll go formal.
Hello.
Oh, hello, Laura.
No, no, we just got home.
Wasn't it a wonderful evening?
Oh, but that can't be.
Oh, yes, I believe you, but...
Oh, well, Laura, don't be
upset, we'll do something.
I know.
Yeah. I'll call a meeting.
Goodnight, Laura.
What's bothering Laura?
The most successful affair
in the history of
the medical auxiliary
ended up with a $220 deficit.
Whew.
The committee went over
the figures and over the figures
and it always
comes out the same.
We paid out more
than we took in.
425... 20.99, 9.87,
60. This checks.
You're $220 in the hole.
You see, we just didn't
charge enough for the tickets.
But if we had charged more,
we wouldn't have
had as many people.
But a smaller deficit.
Honey, if it's any consolation,
everybody that I talked to
today had a marvelous time.
Well, why shouldn't they?
They were having
fun at a cut-rate price.
Wasn't there some way
of estimating expenses
and basing the price
of tickets on that.
It seems simple.
How would you like to serve
on the auxiliary next year?
Oh, not me.
I'll do the dancing,
let somebody else take
care of the bookkeeping.
- Come on. Watch it now.
- Jeff.
- Ow, ow, ow...
- What happened?
Jeff sliced his finger
cutting some cake.
Oh, Jeff.
Well, the cake slipped.
Well, let's wash it off
and put something on it.
Oh, I'll do it daddy.
Oh, no, I'm not going to be
operated on by some quack.
I'll be in attendance.
- Thank you, sir.
- You better not hurt my finger.
- Oh, I will...
- Watch it now.
Ow, Ow...
Hey, Jeff, could you put your
cake down during the surgery?
In some cases,
cake has been known
to act as a local anesthetic.
Florence Nightingale
is trying to kill me.
Ouch!
Oh, very nice work, nurse.
Thank you, sir.
There we are.
Does it hurt, dear?
Only when he chews.
Well, darling, what does
your committee plan to do
about the deficit?
Oh, we're going to raise
the money and pay it off.
How? Run another dance?
We're going to prorate the loss
and each member of the committee
is going to make up her
share, it comes to about $27.
I must have lost blood.
$27, who do I make
the check out to.
Oh, no, no, we're going to
raise the money by earning it.
Mrs. Johnson is going to
auction off a hooked rug
and Dorothy Weber is going to
make some hats and sell them
and I haven't quite
decided what I'm going to do.
- I have a suggestion.
- Yes? What?
Pay the $27.
I was laughing from pain, mom.
Jeff, would you like to
contribute some of your savings
to mother's committee?
Boy, this hurts.
Are you two trying to say
that I have no business talents?
You're the nicest
wife I ever had.
Didn't I raise $18
on the Winnie roast?
Yes, you did, dear,
and we spent 34.
And we broke a dozen dishes.
And Ralph Moffit crashed
through the hammock.
And everyone had
a wonderful time.
Darling, you're
a superb hostess,
but you operated a loss.
Well, mother, whatever you
decide, you can count on my help.
Well, I'm glad to know
that there is at least one
loyal member in this family.
Oh, honey, you're a
talented, efficient woman,
but why get
involved in projects,
you just finished one?
Because I don't want
to be the only one
making an outright donation.
And besides part of
giving is giving of yourself.
I'll put my heart into it
when I write the check.
Money is one of the nicest
things you can do for people.
You know, I think I'll start
charging that one a nickel
every time I darn his socks.
Well, you can't do that, I'm
your own flesh and blood.
And as for you...
I leave tips after all meals.
What meal?
Come on dear, help me figure
out a way to earn the money,
we'll show them.
Boy, that must have
been a nasty crack.
Ah, no worry Jeff,
after all when the
chips are down,
a man knows who his friends are.
Oh, momma, how about a bazaar,
we could get a big pile
over our old clothes together
and take them down at the...
Oh, honey, I send a big
pile down to the shelter
just last week.
Pay the $27.
Your father is
being helpful again.
Oh, Jeff, not
another, you'll be sick.
Mom, how can a guy get sick
on the best pickles in the country.
In the world,
Jeff, in the world.
Well, I never thought I'd drag
a compliment out of those two.
Oh, talent is talent.
I married your mother because
of the way she made pickles.
It was a perfect romance.
I dilled while you
daddy tangoed.
- Wonderful, momma.
- Well, thank you, dear.
I'll put the recipe
in your hope chest.
- Pickles.
- Pickles?
Pickle?
You think mom worked
too hard on that committee?
Of course, why didn't I
think of that before, pickles?
My one outstanding ability.
I'll sell pickles and
raise the money.
First mom was going to
charge me for darning my socks
and now I have to
pay for my pickles.
I think what your
mother had in my mind
was a door-to-door
pickles salesman.
Oh, I can wrap a pickle in
every newspaper I deliver.
Or you can set up a
counter in my office.
Oh, momma, how
will we sell them?
Well, honey, don't
worry, we'll find a way.
Sir, would you like a Mother
Stone homemade pickle?
Hmm.
Oh, hello, Mrs. Stone.
- Hello, Mr. Ross.
- Can I help you?
- Yes.
- Sit down.
Thank you very much.
Did you enjoy yourself at
the dance the other night?
Oh, the Mrs. and I
had a wonderful time.
Say, Dr. Stone sure
is a smooth stepper.
Oh, thank you.
You know, Freda has
been after me for years
to take dancing lessons.
Me and my two left feet.
Oh, well I noticed you.
I thought you were
doing very well.
That's only when I
danced with Freda.
She leads.
Let me have the boy for
your order while you're waiting.
- Oh, thank you.
- Charlie.
- Hello, Mrs. Stone.
- Hello, Charlie.
Would you get Mrs.
Stone's order, please?
"One dozen eggs,
two quarts of milk,
and a 150 pounds of cucumbers"?
That's what I came
to see you about.
Call the warehouse
and get some good ones.
You see Mr. Ross we
lost money on that dance.
Well, how could you do
that, the place was jammed?
Well, we took in
less than we paid out.
That will do it.
So each member of the committee
has volunteered to
make up her share.
I see.
Well, the tickets
were reasonable;
it was for a good cause, why
not I write you a little check?
Oh, no, no, thank you very much.
We decided to raise
the money on our own.
How?
Run another dance?
No.
I know it may
sound like boasting,
but my family thinks that
I make very good pickles.
As a matter of fact
they're wild about them.
I know how it is.
My Freda jars the finest
spiced pears in the world.
Confidentially, I married Freda
because of her spiced pears.
Oh, isn't it strange the things
that brings couples together.
Well, anyway,
I thought that I would make
up a lot of these pickles.
And perhaps you would
let me sell them here.
Here? I have pickles.
Oh, yes, I know, and
they're very good too.
But I thought if you would
just give me a little section
on Saturday,
well, if it's too much
trouble or something...
I'll understand.
Mrs. Stone, when
we call Dr. Stone
at two o'clock in the morning
for my grandchild he comes.
You want to sell
pickles, sell pickles.
Oh, Mr. Ross, thank
you, you're an angle
and I would be very
happy to pay for the space.
Oh, please, it's for charity.
Besides, I believe in
friendly competition.
If your pickles are
better than mine...
Oh, thank you again. Goodbye.
- I had my pawn...
- Oh, you did not.
Oh, go away.
- Hi.
- Hi, darling.
Hi, mother.
I have a lot of
package in the car.
Pickles for charity.
Listen, tomorrow we've got
to get some jars and labels
and then tomorrow afternoon...
Hey, mom, I promise
to meet Zach tomorrow.
Men that don't work, don't eat.
I'll call it off.
Oh, and Mr. Ross said I
could have a small section
of his store on Saturday.
In a frame house
on a narrow street,
in a little village,
a woman with a
dream started a venture
that mushroomed
into a mighty empire
in remote corners
of the earth...
Give that man a pickle.
Come on, help me
get the packages.
I used to make
pickles on the farm
every summer with grandma.
- Really?
- Yes.
You know, I still don't see why
they have to wake the cows up
at five in the morning.
To milk them, dimwit.
I know, but shouldn't they
let them sleep a little longer.
I mean, it's so early
they'd be grouchy.
Well, when we get to
the farm next summer
don't go spreading
propaganda among the cows.
Well, if they're happy
I won't say a word.
All right.
You put the pickles in the jars
and I'll pour in the ingredients
and you put on the
labels and seal the jars.
Hey, we have a
real assembly line.
Well, I'm too young
to work in a factory.
Never mind, I got
special dispensation
from the child labor board.
All right. Go.
Jeff.
Well, I had to taste it mom,
after all we don't want to
send out an inferior product.
But it's a point dear,
but we don't want to be short
of pickle on every jar either.
All right.
Let's start over again
and no pickle tasting.
Go on.
Oh, we made it.
Yes, we did, dear.
And thank you both very much.
Honey, would you get a
couple of cartons out by the door.
We'll store them in the
basement until Saturday.
If you advance
me a little credit,
I'll buy them all myself.
Hmm, you'll eat pickles in bed.
Oh, I just don't want the secret
formula to get out of this house.
Well, I don't think they can
figure out the ingredients
just by tasting them.
Well, some wise guy
will take it to a chemist.
Well, we can't
stop progress, dear.
You know, we're going
to need some kind of sign.
Oh, daddy, look.
I know.
My patients have been drooling.
Jeff, you're good at lettering,
could you fix me
up some kind of sign
that says, uh,
"Pickles for Charity"?
Momma, how much
are you going to charge?
Oh, well we don't want
to undercut Mr. Ross,
his pickles sell
for about 49 cents,
we'll charge 50 cents.
Excuse me madam, I understand
you carry homemade pickles.
Oh, our supply is limited,
only two to a customer.
I'll take the limit.
Thank you, sir.
Daddy, where are
you taking them?
I'm going to pass out to the
children instead of lollipops.
- It does look nice, does it?
- Uh-hmm.
- Looks nice, Mrs. Stone.
- Oh, thank you, Charlie.
Now, just politely offer
the people a sample
when they come
by and if they like it...
No sales pressure.
Oh, can I just politely say,
stuff yourself with
pickles for charity.
No, they'll know
it's for charity.
- Well, I guess we're
open for business.
- Yeah.
Oh, I better call Dr. Sanburn
and cancel my dental
appointment this morning
before we get too busy.
Well, why are you
going to cancel it?
Why? Because the pickles.
You mean you don't trust us?
But of course I trust you.
Oh, mother we can handle this.
- You can?
- Sure.
Well, I mean...
Well, to tell you the truth,
I know it may sound silly,
but I do feel kind of
nervous about this,
it's like having your paintings
exhibited for the first time.
Pickles are so personal.
You know, I think I will be
more comfortable at the dentist.
Oh, sure mom.
You go to Dr. Sanburn
and us two super salesman
will take care of everything.
All right. I'll come
back as soon as I can.
- OK. Bye, mom.
- Goodbye, mommy.
Thank you.
And remember,
Jeff, no high pressure.
We won't need any mom,
your pickles will
go like hotcakes.
Excuse me, would you like to try
some of these homemade pickles?
It's for charity.
Hmm, they're very
good, thank you.
She eats ours, but buys theirs.
Well, Jeff, people get
used to certain brands
they've tried before.
Oh, would you like to try some
of these homemade pickles?
The money goes to
the kids at the hospital.
Well, aren't you two adorable.
- May I?
- Well, certainly.
Well, these are marvelous.
Who made them?
Our mother.
How many jars would you like?
Oh, I'm not allowed
to eat pickles.
I mean, I love them, but
they give me heartburn.
Thank you so much.
You're both so sweet.
Thank you for trying them.
Thank you for trying them.
She's going to eat samples,
but she can't eat pickles.
Jeff, let's not get discouraged,
we, um, we just started.
Who is discouraged?
Our samples are
going like crazy.
- Jeff, we aren't doing so well.
- What do you mean?
We gave away two jars of
samples and we got three donations?
How's it going kids?
Oh, all right, Mr. Ross.
Oh, fine.
For some reason, I'm
having a big day with pickles.
Keep it up, it's
for a good cause.
Sure he's having a big day,
our samples remind the
customers they need pickles.
Jeff, maybe we like them so
much because mother makes them.
Oh, that has
nothing to do with it.
No. Now look,
when Lucy Bergen invited
me over to her house for dinner,
she told me that her mother
made the best meatballs
in the whole world.
So?
Jeff, they were terrible.
But you should have seen
her family gobbling them up
like they were peanuts.
I don't know.
It must have something
to do with family loyalty.
My stomach doesn't
know a thing about loyalty.
Excuse me, would you
like... to have sample.
Well, at least we
broke even on that one.
You know, we're going
to have to start some
high pressure salesmanship.
Say, this is the best
pickles I ever ate,
can I have six jars?
Sir, would you care to
try this homemade pickle?
Well, thank you.
Hmm. They are good.
But I can't eat them, they
give my wife heartburn.
Aren't they just adorable.
Oh, Jeff, when mother gets back
and sees it we
haven't sold any...
Well, we tried.
Oh, I know, but when a
woman is proud about something
she does well, it breaks her
heart when she discovers...
Oh, say, can I have three more
jars to those wonderful pickles.
My mother serves
them to the company
instead of salted peanuts;
they're very good
for children too,
they have lots of vitamins.
- Would you care to try
these homemade pickles?
- No, Alex.
We're having a special sale.
Well, thank you.
Mine are better. Too much dill.
How much are they?
- Oh, 50 cents.
- Only two to a customer.
Oh, I'm going to
take you right home...
I'm not going to bring you to
the supermarket anymore...
- Would you care...?
- Oh, thank you.
- Hi, daddy.
- Hi, dad.
Well, how's it going?
That was the closest
we ever came to a sale.
I could murder that Elvis.
Oh, daddy, it's just
been heartbreaking.
Poor mother.
Haven't you sold any?
Daddy, what are we going to do?
Mother will be back
soon from the dentist.
Well, I don't think it's a personal
commentary on your mother.
Well, daddy, it's just as if,
the thing that mother does best
is a failure.
She's just going to feel awful.
You know, she's worked so hard,
first on the dance
and now on this
and all for nothing.
Now, your mother has a
lot of wonderful qualities,
they're not just marketable.
Aside from her pride,
I think we should spare
her another project.
Ah, I know you have a
limit of two to a customer,
but why don't I buy them all.
Oh, daddy that
would be wonderful,
you know I have some at
home that I can contribute.
Well, I've got $3
in savings and loan.
I wouldn't want you
to lose the interest,
I'll advance the money.
Daddy, what will we
do with all of these jars?
Hmm, it's a good question.
See, would you like to try
this new brand of pickles,
it's a free offer.
Why, thank you.
Free pickles, homemade.
Try this free sample...
You're very welcome.
- Hi, momma.
- Hi.
Hi, mom, how was the dentist.
Why, you practically sold out.
- Yeah.
- All except this one.
They went as fast as
we could pick them up.
I should have
made twice as many.
Dorothy Weber hasn't
sold any hats yet.
Oh, here comes a lady.
Let me see if I can
sell this last one.
Uh, oh, you've been
so wonderful about this,
I'll take the last one.
Who's on the phone, dear?
Oh, it was Dorothy Weber,
she hasn't sold
a one of her hats.
No?
That's a shame mother,
she makes lovely hats.
It's very strange,
everyone is always
complimenting Dorothy on her hats
and Mrs. Johnson
on her hooked rugs
and Phyllis Parker on her
embroidered pillow slips,
- but nobody buys them.
- Hmm.
Oh, how about the other
committee members, momma?
Not a one of them
sold their quota.
Except you.
Well, anybody can make
hooked rugs or pillowcases or hats,
but pickles.
Jeff is right.
Turn out an exceptional product
and the world will
beat your doors down.
You know, I think
I have the solution
to make up the entire deficit,
I'll go out and buy 400
pounds of cucumbers
and some mason
jars and dill and...
Don't you think that's
a good idea, dear?
Yeah.
Yes. Yeah.
Relax darling,
you won't have to
buy 300 jars of pickles
to spare my feelings.
Hmm?
Not me.
Not me.
Not I.
- $27 worth of pickles.
- But...
I didn't know you
love me that much.
Darling, how did you know,
you were at the
dentist all morning?
You gave a free jar of
pickles to Dr. Sanburn's nurse.