The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 1, Episode 9 - Dough Re Mi - full transcript

Well, that's when I got my idea.

So I jumped to my feet,

and I explained to the committee
how we can raise the $2,500.

That's my girl.

Well, everyone applauded,
and then Betsy Carter said,

"I move that Donna
be elected chairman."

Bingo, I was chairman.

Well, I really didn't want
it, and I told them so.

Then, Lydia said,

"Darling, you're doing
the right thing to refuse."

So I accepted.



These women recognize a
good chairman when they see one.

Now, what's your idea?

Hi!

Hi, Jeff. How was practice?

Oh, crummy.

Us Bobcats decided unanimously

that we need a
new tackling dummy.

We Bobcats.

Now, is that such a crisis?

Well, sure. What would
Notre Dame be without one?

It's a necessity.

But you've gotten
along all right up till now

without a tackling dummy.

We use Fatso Coogan.



But he's moving out of town,
so we need a new dummy.

Can you help us?

Oh, sorry, I just
had my hair done.

And I've got a tight schedule.

I mean financial
help. It costs $33.

Oh, now... now, wait. Jeff.

We could hand you the money,
but you really wouldn't want that.

- I wouldn't?
- No, you wouldn't.

Now, my hospital committee
has to raise $2,500.

You don't see me running to the
Bobcats with a box under my arm.

Well, what are you going to do?

Well, I intend to raise
it with a benefit concert.

Well, you have
more time than we do.

Jeff, you're endowed with
your mother's ingenuity.

Now, run along and use it.

- Bye.
- Bye, Jeff.

Bye, Jeff.

Now, what's with
this benefit concert?

Well, Anton Duval is in town.

You saw his
picture in the paper.

Hey, Madame Chairman, relax.

I know what you're thinking.
I'll never get him to play.

The way I hear it, this Duval
just finished pounding a piano

through 34 countries.

His fingers are tired.

He came to
Hilldale to rest them.

I know. I read Gil
Tucker's interview, too.

But I feel that if I
could just talk to him...

All right.

Talk.

Oh, he doesn't know me.

If I ask him now and he
turns me down, I'm finished.

No, the way these
things are worked out

is that you have someone
important introduce you.

You know, pave the way.

Judging by the
gleam in your eye,

you already have your paver.

Loretta Heiser says that
George will do it for me.

A president of a bank
should be important enough.

- Oh, excuse me, dear.
- Yeah.

Mary, do you have
to use the loud pedal?

Oh, hello, Lydia, come in.

Thank you.

I just came by to
see about the benefit.

I thought I might
help in some way.

Mary, please.

Hello, Mrs. Langley.

- Hello.
- I'm sorry.

It's got a tricky beat,

and I just can't hear it
unless I hammer it out.

Well, honey, go to
Betty's house and hammer.

Her folks are taking
a vacation in London.

Okay, bye, Mother.
Bye, Mrs. Langley.

And take it easy, or
they'll hear it over there.

- Come on, let's sit down.
- Thank you.

Darling, I had no idea
you knew Anton Duval.

Well, I don't.

Really?

Well, the way you bounced
to your feet and said,

"I'll get Anton Duval," we
all thought you were related.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to give that impression.

Donna, I think I should
explain something to you.

My only concern, of
course, is the hospital.

Of course.

And I harbor no resentment

because they accepted your
suggestion instead of mine.

Lydia, I understand perfectly.

Good.

Now, hypothetically speaking,

if your plan should
end disastrously...

Oh, I'm sorry.

"Disaster" is such
a strong word.

Well, we were only
speaking hypothetically.

Yes, weren't we?

Lydia, what you're
trying to say...

Subtly, of course...

Is that I may be responsible

for depriving the
children of their playroom.

Oh, my dear, I'm only
suggesting the possibility.

After all, I only came
here in the spirit of goodwill

and to offer my help.

Well, thank you, Lydia.

I can't tell you how
comforting you've been.

We all know that you did this
in a moment of enthusiasm,

and I'm sure that none of us
will hold you to account for it.

Lydia, those children
will get their playroom.

Absolutely.

We can always fall back
on my play, if it isn't too late.

Bye.

Goodbye, Lydia.

How does this benefit work?

Well, we get somebody to
entertain and charge admission,

like a singer or a magician.

What about Shorty
Malone's orchestra?

Well, fellas, looks
like Shorty Malone's

gonna get us our tackling dummy.

- Cool!
- Yeah, man.

- Hello, Jeff.
- Oh, hello, Antoinette.

I am interrupting something, no?

Well, if you'll excuse us,

this is an official Bobcats
meeting, for fellas.

Now, Pete, you call Shorty,

and I'll see about
printing the tickets.

Jeff, did you not get
my note at school?

Well, sure, sure.

Let's talk about it later, okay?

You're tied up.

I'll take care of the
tickets. Come on, guys.

Hey, fellas, I'm
not really tied up.

I am so sorry, Jeff.

I did not wish to embarrass
you in front of the Boobcats.

That's Bobcats.

Look, Antoinette,
I'm kind of busy.

I know you'll excuse
me, so so long.

It's nice seeing you again.

I'm so sorry. I have to come in.

I told Papa to come for me here.

Oh, come in.

Jeff, you forget
to answer my note.

Will you come to
my dinner party?

Well, um, I don't know.

I may be busy that
night. What night is it?

Tomorrow night.

Well, who's gonna be there?

There will be you and me.

And who else?

Well, I don't know him.

In time means just you and me.

Well, I don't know
about this in time thing,

but I'll let you know.

I don't want to ruin your dinner
party, so, if you can't wait...

Oh, I'll wait.

Yes, George, Loretta told me

that Duval opened
an account at the bank.

Yes.

So all you have to
do is introduce us,

and that should be very simple.

It'll be impossible?

Well, Loretta's going to
be terribly disappointed.

Well, she says your
most endearing quality

is that you never say no.

Who? Gil Tucker?

Well, yes, yes, I know
he interviewed Duval.

Yes, that's a wonderful idea.

I'll call him right
away, George.

Thanks. Bye.

What happened to your father?

Jeff, if you come
to my dinner party,

I will show you some
beautiful pictures I took

while Papa and I were in India.

Well, Rusty knows
all about India.

He always gets
100% in geography.

Why don't you ask him?

He's great at dinner parties
where you discuss India.

He does not have your dimples.

But, Gil, I need an introduction
from somebody important.

Well, your being the
editor of the newspaper...

Look, Donna, Mr. Duval
came here for duck hunting

and not piano playing.

Well, merely because I gave your
wife the name of my dressmaker

and saved her $10 a dress

doesn't mean that
you're obligated.

Yeah.

Donna, I personally
can't ask him.

But if all you want
is to meet him,

call Hudson Sporting Goods
and ask for Bill Hudson.

Tell him I said to call him.

Who's Bill Hudson?

He rents Duval his duck decoys.

Well, that hardly makes
them fraternity brothers,

but I guess an introduction
from a duck salesman

is better than nothing.

Thanks, Gil. Goodbye.

- Hello.
- Hello, Papa.

Hello, Mr. Duval. I'm Jeff.

Oh, so, you are the Jeff.

You do have them, hmm?

Come, Antoinette.

I have to pick up some records
before the post office closes.

Papa made them.
He plays the piano.

Please, Antoinette, I am
sure Jeff is not interested.

Papa is...

She means I am on the beat.

Can you play rock 'n' roll?

Oh, usually, I play
Bach and Beethoven.

Oh, Papa can play rock 'n'
roll or roll 'n' rock or anything.

Play for him, please, Papa.

I suppose I could
noodle around a bit.

Well, good. Come on.

Wait till you hear him.

"The Roundhouse Rock"?

May Ludwig and
Johann forgive me.

Oh, hello, Mr. Ziegler.

You don't know me,
but I'm Mrs. Stone.

Yes, Mr. Hudson tells me

that whenever Mr. Duval
goes duck hunting,

you give him a rubdown
when he gets home.

What? I beg your pardon.

I can't hear you.

Just a second.

Please, I'm on the phone!

Stop that infernal racket!

Oh, that's Mother. Would
you like to meet her?

She's really very nice.

No, no, perhaps we should wait

for more friendly
circumstances, hmm?

Come.

You will be at my home for
dinner tomorrow night, no?

Well...

If you will take my advice,

my daughter is a very
determined woman.

You may as well say yes now,
because you will do so later.

Goodbye.

Mr. Ziegler, you're
expecting him at 6:00?

Oh, oh, Mr. Ziegler, you
can do me a big favor.

Now, I'm going to send
my husband down to you

just as soon as he gets home.

Now, when he gets there,

put him in the steam
cabinet next to Mr. Duval

and introduce them.

Oh, Mr. Ziegler,
it's for the hospital.

But, Mr. Ziegler? Mr. Ziegler?

Hello, Mother.

Honey, after this,
when I'm on the phone,

please lay off the piano.

Mother, I just got home.

- But then who...
- Hi, Mom.

Look, I distinctly heard

somebody trying
to wreck our piano.

That was Mr. Duval.

Who?

Anton Duval.

Here, playing the piano?

Well, sure. I asked him
to play some rock 'n' roll.

Oh, why did I miss him?
He must have been super.

Mom didn't think so.

She yelled, "Stop
that infernal racket!"

Mom, what's the matter?

If it won't endanger
national security,

would you mind telling me

what Mr. Duval was
doing in our house?

Well, he came to pick up
his daughter, Antoinette.

But why didn't you tell
me you knew Antoinette?

Well, you never asked me.

She just entered
our school last week.

Honey, would you
get that, please?

Well, why didn't you call me in
and introduce me to Mr. Duval?

Well, I was about ready
to when you yelled at him.

He got scared and left.

I still say that a concert will
make more money than a play.

Yeah, I'm not giving up until
he says no to me personally.

That's the stuff.

Hello, Donna.

Oh, hello, Lydia.

Donna, I ran into Anton
Duval just an hour ago.

My car hooked bumpers with his

in front of Hudson
Sporting Goods.

Well, why didn't
I think of that?

Well, he was very
gracious about it,

not like American men,
who scream, "Woman driver!"

Well, as he was
disengaging our bumpers,

I started to talk to him
about concerts in general.

Well, you picked
a beautiful time.

But before I could get
specific, he refused you.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mom.

You couldn't do
anything more, Mother.

Well, I really must go.

If you'll take my advice, you'll
forget all about Monsieur Duval.

Oh, I'll just leave a
copy of the play with you.

I thought you might play the
part of the innkeeper's wife.

It's on page 48.

Bye, dear. Goodbye, children.

- Goodbye, Mrs. Langley.
- Goodbye.

A part on page 48?

Look, Mom, us Bobcats
were planning a concert

with Shorty Malone,
the one-man band.

Tell you what, you can have
him for your concert instead.

You mean more to me
than a tackling dummy.

Thanks, dear.

Well, I mean it.

You can always
get a piano player,

but how often can
you find some guy

that can play the mouth
organ, the accordion,

and beat a drum
at the same time?

What are you trying to
do, Jeff, make Mother cry?

Mouth organ and drums.

Oh, Mother, he's a sadist.

Well, let's face it, children.
This was Lydia's day.

Well, it's all for charity.

Page 48?

Innkeeper's wife?

Dr. Stone speaking.

Oh, yes, Pete. Jeff
is up in his room.

Do you want me to call...

What's that?

Shorty Malone?

All right, Pete, I'll tell him.

Thank you. Goodbye.

What was that?

Well, it seems Shorty Malone
is not going to be able to...

Is this my son?

Is this the boy who thinks
a clean T-shirt is formal?

Oh, no, and even a tie.

Gentlemen always wear
ties to dinner parties.

I don't mean to probe,
but what dinner party?

Well, Antoinette and I
are intime-ing it tonight.

I thought Antoinette
annoyed you, Jeff.

Well, comes a time when a
kid has to make a sacrifice

for his mother.

Pretty edgy.

Honey, it's wonderful
what you're trying to do,

but don't be disappointed

if Mr. Duval refuses
to play the concert.

Oh, he won't refuse me.

Not the man who's angling
to be my father-in-law.

You just have a nice time,
and don't worry about me.

The play will make some money.

Jeff, you used my bath salts.

Smells like a lilac bush.

Oh, wait till I tell the
Bobcats about this.

You do, and I'll tell all your
boyfriends that you snore.

Mother, I do not!

I'll tell them anyway.

Jeff, would you
like me to drive you?

No, thanks, Dad.
I'll ride my bike.

Hey, Jeff, wait a minute.

Wait. Jeff, come here!

What's this bulge?
Wait a minute.

Oh, la-di-da.

Violets for mademoiselle.

Well, I just thought that...

Honey, you thought right.

If I were a little girl, you'd
just sweep me off my feet.

You run along and
have a good time.

Okay.

- Your flowers.
- Thanks.

Jeff, look, I've got some
sort of rough news for you.

Shorty Malone was
called out of town on a job.

But if you swing this tonight,

the Bobcats will get their
tackling dummy, okay?

Thanks, Dad. Wish me luck.

I do, my friend.

- Bye.
- Bye, Jeff.

Jeff, you are enjoying
my dinner party, no?

It's super. Glad I came.

Thank you.

Boy, you sure make good chicken.

Oh, it is not chicken.
It is frogs' legs.

I've been eating frog legs?

I am so sorry. I
thought you knew.

Well, how could
I, with candlelight?

You are upset.

Oh, no, no, I'm not upset.

After all, it's not the food
that makes the dinner.

It's the charming company.

Oh, Jeff, you have
such possibilities.

Boy, this ice cream is good.

It is ice cream, isn't it?

Jeff...

maybe soon you will make
me a member of the Bobcats?

You see, I practice.

No more do I say "Boobcats."

Well, it's only for fellas.

Oh, I could learn
to play feetball.

Antoinette, you don't
know what you're asking.

You just mention the
word "girl" around the fellas,

and they run away from
you like you got the mumps.

Good evening, Jeff.

Oh, hello, Mr. Duval.

Please sit down. I just
came in for my book.

This is a nice dinner party.
I'm having a wonderful time.

Your daughter's very nice.

She's pretty for a girl.

The kind you'd like to take
out, like to a benefit concert.

Benefit concert?

Perhaps I might go myself.

Oh, well, we're counting on it.

The tickets are gonna be $5.

Here, I will put you in charge
of getting me a good seat, hmm?

Oh, you'll have the best.

You'll be sitting on the
stage, right behind the piano.

I see.

You are far more adroit than
the woman I met earlier today,

but I had to say no to her.

You know, I was thinking
of taking your daughter

to the school picnic.

You see, Jeff, I am here
for a much-needed rest.

She could ride on my handlebars.
I don't care who sees us.

You must understand,
if I accept...

I might even make her a
member of the Bobcats.

Oh, Papa, I can be a Bobcat!

I am very sorry, Jeff, but...

Play it, and I'll marry her.

Jeff, we are flattered
by your offer, but...

If you don't play it, we
won't get our tackling dummy.

Tackling dummy?

And I figure we should make
what we did in "A Doll's House,"

which was approximately $250.

Of course, it's nowhere
near the $2,500

that you were going to raise,

but $250 is better than nothing.

Don't you agree?

I'll get it.

Stay in your
corner till I get back.

I don't want to
miss any of this.

Well, come in, come in, please.

Dad, I'd like you to meet
some friends of mine.

This is Mr. Duval and
his daughter, Antoinette.

- How do you do?
- How do you do, Monsieur Duval?

Antoinette, very
nice to know you.

Won't you come in, please?

Darling, I'd like you to
meet Monsieur Duval.

This is my wife.

How do you do?

Charmed.

And his daughter, Antoinette.

How do you do, Antoinette?

And this is Mrs. Langley.

How do you do?

We have met before
and so have our bumpers.

I'm Mary. I live here, too.

Oh, obviously.

You have the
loveliness of your mother.

Makes us look like
amateurs, huh, Pop?

Well, shall we all sit down?

Monsieur Duval.

Mom, Mr. Duval has
something to tell you.

Yes?

Well, as you likely know,
I am here on vacation.

And, regretfully,

I have had to refuse to
play a benefit concert,

only for the reason
that, if I accepted one,

I would be obligated
to play others.

I conveyed this to Mrs. Stone,

so we're going
ahead with my play.

But now an emergency has arisen.

The Bobcats need
a tackling dummy.

For something of
such importance, I play.

If there are others who
desire me for their causes,

you must make them
understand I will only play one

what you might
say an official benefit

for tackling dummies.

We're gonna charge $5 a ticket.

Well, did Jeff happen to mention
the cost of tackling dummies?

$33.

And, Mrs. Stone,

if there should happen to be
any money left over, like $2,500,

you might possibly
find use for it, no?

Oh, yes, yes.

Wonderful.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Oh, they look wonderful.

Chopin isn't the only
thing I can scramble.

If my mother had not
insisted on piano lessons,

I could have
realized my ambition

to become a famous chef.

Mr. Duval sure killed
them tonight, huh, Mom?

Yes, he certainly did.

- Monsieur Duval?
- Thank you.

Jeff, tell me,
how did you do it?

Well, I didn't do
anything special.

Did Jeff tell you, Mrs. Stone?

He's going to take
me to the school picnic,

he's going to ride me on the
handlebars of his bicyclette,

he's going to make me a Bobcat,

and he even
promised to marry me.

Jeff, the more I know
you, the better I like you.