The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 1, Episode 8 - Change Partners and Dance - full transcript

Mary has a crush on another student but he doesn't notice her. Donna suggests she invite him home, which Mary does, but it's Donna that gets all of his attention.

It's a source of great
satisfaction to a mother

to see her children take their
household duties so seriously.

But, on the other hand, darling,

is it really necessary to
wash the same dish five times?

Huh? What?

Well, let me put it another way.

At the rate you're going,

you won't be through
in time for breakfast.

I wasn't even thinking.

Now, I had the feeling you were.

Is there anything
you'd care to talk about?



No, it's nothing
important, Mother.

Jeff?

Where are the rest
of those dishes? Jeff?

Would you mind not rushing me?

This is highly skilled work.

Mrs. Irwin, I give you my word.

You've got to expect a
temperature with chicken pox.

I do understand.

Every mother with her first
child feels the same way.

You think I'll make it?

You'd better, or
I'll skin you alive.

No, no, her skin will be fine.

Mrs. Irwin, there's really
no need for me to come over.

Women and children, stand back!



Oh, Mother, why
don't you smack him?

Not while his hands are full.

Such a nitwit.

Honestly, you're
such a show-off, Jeff.

By Jove, that was a near one.

Oh, what a
revolting little freak.

That will do.

Now, what ails you anyway?

Oh, he makes me sick.

I think if I had my way,
I'd drown all boys at birth.

Put your father out of business?

Without a few males around,

there wouldn't be much
demand for a pediatrician.

Oh, that's very scientific, Mom.

I heard something scientific
that will interest you, too.

- Oh, I doubt that.
- No fooling.

It's a formula,

guaranteed to get rid
of 10 pounds of ugly fat.

How?

Cut off your head.

Well, I was only joking.

Nobody's laughing.

You finish up the dishes.

Mary?

Yes, Mrs. Irwin.

But don't you see...

All right, what brought
all this on, hmm?

Oh, he's right.

How can anybody like you have
an offspring as repulsive as me?

What kind of talk is that?

All right, then, I'll
drop over shortly.

Mother, please
don't be motherly.

I've got about as much
sex appeal as a wet mop.

Well, I have to go over and
see a couple of children...

Nancy Irwin, age 3,
and her mother, age 23.

What's up?

We have a child who thinks
she's repulsive to the opposite sex.

You're not referring
to this child?

Daddy, don't be funny.

Well, let's get down to cases.

Who's the boy?

George Haskell.

Well, I never heard of him.

He's real nice and
he plays basketball

and he works in
the school library.

I go there every day
hoping he'll ask me.

You know, I've tried
everything I can think of.

Excuse me.

Tried everything
you could think of,

hoping he would ask you what?

Well, to the dance,
Daddy... The varsity prom.

Oh.

Anybody who isn't asked
might as well be dead.

I help him all the time
with his schoolwork.

And, well, he
says he's grateful.

Well, honey, I don't think

you're flattering his ego very
much by doing things for him.

Did you ever hear
of feminine charm?

I've heard of it. I just
don't happen to have any.

Well, it's nothing more
than building a fellow up.

You know, laughing at his jokes,

making him feel superior so
that he'll want to do things for you.

To get anywhere
in this man's world,

you've got to learn
to be charming.

But, Mother, it's too late.
The dance is this Friday.

There'll be other dances.

Oh, Mother, don't
say things like that.

What's so earthshaking
about this dance?

Well, it isn't just the
dance or the boy.

It's a feeling she has to have

that she's attractive
and desirable.

At her age, I'd just as soon
she wasn't too desirable.

All right, I'll have
another talk with her.

You go cast your
magic spell on Mrs. Irwin.

Oh, did I wake you?

You know I always
sleep with my eyes open.

Mm-hmm.

Honey, you're late.

Yeah, with Mrs. Irwin.

I'm all for motherhood,
but spare me the child bride.

Mild case of chicken pox,
she goes crazy till I get there.

Well, I can understand that.

Look, I want to
tell you about Mary.

We've got a plan.
We worked it all out.

This fellow George

probably thinks that
she's just a bookworm.

That's why he hasn't
invited her to the dance.

So?

So, if we can just get
him here to the house

and get him dancing, that
will open his eyes, hmm?

Hold everything.

How do you plan to get
him here to the house

and get him dancing?

Charm.

What you mean is you're
setting a trap for the poor kid.

You can't do a thing like that.

I can't?

No.

Darling, how do
you think I got you?

Five minutes till closing time.

Let's go.

I sure hope you know
what you're doing.

It's Mom's idea.

Get him to do things
for you, she says.

Build him up and
laugh at his jokes.

If this doesn't work,
the joke's on you.

- You'll have two busted arms.
- Yeah.

Aren't you gonna leave
any for the rest of us?

I'm doing a term paper
on a very broad subject.

It looks like you're gonna
write the history of the world.

Hey, that's
funny. That's a kill.

What's funny?

George says it looks like I'm
writing a history of the world.

Isn't that a wonderful joke?

Oh, yeah, that's a scream.

How are you going
to get them home?

Golly, I don't know.
Could you help me?

Oh, gee, kid, I'm busy.

Well, do you know anybody
who'd give me a hand?

I can't think of a soul.

Well, I'll be through
in a couple of minutes.

And I'll carry
them home for you.

Well, I couldn't
ask you to do that.

Why not? I owe it to you.

You've helped me
plenty with my homework.

It's a pleasure to help you.
You don't owe me a thing.

Oh, well, then...

But, I mean, if you insist,

if you really think
you could manage.

Okay.

Hey, Mom, here they come!

Thanks, Jeff. Now,
you stay in the kitchen.

Okay.

Hello.

Oh, my goodness, have
you been robbing the library?

Mother, this is George Haskell.

- How do you do?
- Come on in.

George Haskell?

Yes, the handsome basketball
star who works at the library.

Oh, I work in the library, but
I don't know about the rest.

He's modest. I like that.

Oh, here, put those books down.

You poor thing. They
must weigh a ton.

Mary, I hope you didn't
ask him to carry them.

Oh, no, it was my idea.

Well, how very nice of you.

But I'm surprised
you didn't collapse.

Oh, brother.

You don't mind a
little first aid, do you?

I used to be a nurse.

Thank you.

My, you're certainly
muscular, aren't you?

Oh, not so very.

"Not so very," he
says. Feel that arm.

Well, I guess you have to be
muscular to play basketball.

Oh, I'm a pole vaulter
on the track team also.

Pole vaulter?

Oh, well, I don't
know how you do it.

You climb all the way
up on that thin little stick.

I'd be scared to death.

I was just making some
lemonade. Would you like some?

Oh, yes, ma'am, that'd be swell.

Good.

Oh, Mary, why don't
you turn on the hi-fi?

I'll bet George likes music.

Oh, sure thing.

I could tell you did
by just looking at you.

Boy, she's great, isn't she?

Mom? She's a doll.

No kidding. You're awfully
lucky to have a mother like that.

Yes, we're all very fond of her.

You know, if I didn't
know who she was,

I'd say she was your sister.

Oh, well, I was born very young.

Well, in fact, I
was only a baby.

- Feel like dancing?
- Hmm?

I said, do you
feel like dancing?

Oh, no, I think I'll just
have some lemonade.

Then I better be going.

Oh, I'm the one who's going.

You stay and dance.

But I don't know how to dance.

Don't know how?

No. I took a girl to
a dance last year.

It was just terrible.

My buddy said I looked like a
one-man elephant stampede.

Does that mean you're
giving up dancing forever?

Oh, no. Maybe someday
I'll take some lessons.

Well, how about today?

We just happen to have here
the best dancing teacher in town.

Oh, Mother.

But I will be glad
to teach you if I can.

Of course you can.

Now, you must have
good coordination,

or you wouldn't be a
star athlete, would you?

Now, we start with
this music. It's a fox-trot.

And it's very simple.

Oh, it better be.

All right, now take a firm hold.

That's right.

Now, remember, you
lead and she follows.

How can she tell
what I'm going to do?

- Oh, she knows.
- But I don't even know myself.

Go ahead, try.

Ouch!

Oh, gosh, I told you.

You might as well
teach a cow how to fly.

- I'm awfully sorry.
- That's all right.

I didn't really need
this foot anyway.

I better clear out before
I cripple her for life.

George?

Yes, ma'am?

Come back here.

Now, you only think
you're awkward.

I know you're not.

And I'm going
to prove it to you.

That's it. Now,
listen to the music.

Head up. Don't
look at your feet.

That's it.

Just relax and let
yourself feel the rhythm.

That's right.

Well, now you're getting
it. That's wonderful.

Yeah, man, first time I
ever saw a flying cow.

If you think I look silly,
take a look in there.

Charm school in session?

Hot dog!

Oh, don't mind me. Carry on.

We were just teaching
George how to dance.

We were?

Well, Mary hurt her foot.

And I was just
filling in for her.

And in case you don't know
it, sir, your wife is just terrific.

I've suspected
that for some time.

I think that's enough
instruction for today.

You mean I can come
back again tomorrow?

Well, sure, the more
practice you get,

the more you'll
surprise your friends.

When you go to a
dance, she means.

Yeah.

See you tomorrow. Bye, sir.

- Bye.
- Bye.

So long, Mary.

Bye.

Well, all set for Friday night?

No.

Oh, what's wrong
with him, Mother?

All I know is, he's
mighty slow to take a hint.

Or maybe he's allergic to charm.

Or let's put it this way.

Considering the
tactics you used,

you're both getting
your just deserts...

A big slice of humble pie.

Oh, excuse me.

You want to go with
me to the varsity prom?

Well, sure, that
would be real nice.

Okay, then it's a date.

We did it, Mother. We did it.

What'd I tell you?
Just a little charm.

Oh, you'll find the humble
pie in the refrigerator,

right next to the sour grapes.

- You've got to hear this.
- What?

Your sugar lump raving
to his pals about you.

Betty, you're kidding?

"Beautiful, intelligent,
a good listener."

I don't believe it.

He's been over every
afternoon this week, hasn't he?

Yes.

Well, come on.

Come on.

Hey, maybe he sings
the way he dances.

Maybe he can whistle
through his teeth.

How would you like a
mouthful of teeth, huh?

Please.

"George, please don't
leave me, George.

I'm a good listener."

"You tell me your
dreams, I'll tell you mine."

Get lost, fellas.

What a guy.

What a schmo.

Oh, hi.

Oh, hello, George.

Did you hear what
those clowns said?

Oh, I'm afraid we did.

We were just
accidentally standing here.

But I don't mind what
they say about me.

Okay, but when they
talk about your mother...

My mother?!

Yeah.

See you, kid. Call you later.

Gosh, what's she
in such a rush about?

I really couldn't say.

Say, do you suppose
your mother would mind

if I came over again today?

I don't suppose so, George.

Okay, then it's the
same time, huh?

Good.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi.

Where you been?

Shopping.

If you promise
not to say anything,

I'll show you what
I bought Mary.

She's been having a convulsion.

- What about?
- I don't know.

I think she wants
to talk to you.

Do you think she'll like it?

Well, if she doesn't, you
can always take it back

and buy me something.

Mother?

- Oh, dear.
- Is that you?

Go keep her out of here. I
want this to be a surprise.

I'll head her off at the pass.

Was that Mother I heard come in?

Which mother... yours or mine?

You little baboon,
answer my question.

I don't think I like
your tone of voice.

Oh, if you think
you're being funny...

Who is it?

Georgie Porgie, the flying cow.

Oh, can't...

Oh, let him in.

Howdy, stranger.

Where you been keeping
yourself since yesterday?

Hello, Jeff, Mary.

Hello.

Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Stone?

You're looking very well.

So are you. I like your jacket.

Well, thank you.

I decided it wasn't
such a good idea

to call on a girl
looking like an oaf.

And, you know, since
I started coming here,

I've changed my ideas
about a lot of things.

Well, now, isn't it lucky

you carried those
books home for Mary?

Oh, it sure was, and
I brought this to say,

well, gosh, thanks
for everything.

It's sure been swell.

Well, how nice of you to bring
something for the whole family.

Huh?

Well, sure, uh-huh.

And on behalf of
everybody, I thank you.

If you'd like some,
just help yourselves.

Don't mind if I do.

Excuse us.

Oh, Mrs. Stone, do you
mind if I ask you something?

No.

Well, remember yesterday we
were talking about my schoolwork?

Well, I was wondering,

do you think I'm spending
too much time in athletics?

Well, George, I
really wouldn't know.

Gosh, I want to do something
important with my life.

You know, something
to help humanity.

Well, now, that's a
noble ambition, but...

Well, you used to be a
nurse, and you know the score.

And you're also good
at analyzing people.

Do you think I'd
make a good doctor?

Well, George, why
don't you ask my father?

You know, he
happens to be a doctor.

Oh, some nurses know a
lot more than some doctors.

And some nurses don't.

They not only don't
know the score,

they don't know who's playing.

Mary.

And you, you're nothing
but a silly adolescent.

And another thing.

I'm not going to that
dance tomorrow night.

Hello, Mary. How are you?

Hello, darling. I had to
go over to see Mrs. Irwin.

What is this, a track meet?

Hello, George.

Huh? Oh, goodbye, sir.

Would you please
explain that tirade?

Just because he brought
me a box of candy...

Mother, would you
leave me alone, please?

But there's no reason
for you to carry on like this.

Oh, no? How can I
compete with you?

Compete?

Well, your face
is always perfect.

Your hair is always combed,
well, the way you dress.

You're not talking sense.

You should have
heard him in the library...

All about you and your charm.

Mother, he's mad about you.

Why, that's ridiculous!

Alex, you talk to her.

Okay.

Here.

Have a good cry,
and you'll feel better.

You're a big help. Why
didn't you say something?

For instance?

Well, that it's perfectly
absurd to think a boy of 15...

Yes?

Well, you know.

It isn't possible, is it?

What, for a boy
of 15 to get a crush

on a beautiful, charming woman
who teaches him how to dance,

flatters him, makes
him feel twice his age?

It's possible.

Oh, dear.

Oh, am I a dope.

No, you're not.

You just have too much
charm for your own good.

What am I going to do?

Don't ask me. That's
out of my department.

Hello?

Oh, yes, Betty, she is.

But I don't think she
feels much like talking.

Wait till I see George tomorrow.

I'll chop him to bits.

No, you better not say anything.

Betty, wait.

There is something you can say.

After school, tell George that
Mary wants him to come here.

Never mind whether
it's true or not.

I'll worry about that.

About 4:30.

All right. Goodbye.

Mom!

Hey, Mom, here he comes.

All right, let him in.

Now, you go upstairs and
tell Mary to wash her face

and put on some lipstick and
be down here in five minutes.

Tell her that's an order.

What you doing?

Don't ask any questions.
Just do as you're told.

Hello.

Didn't expect to see you again.

Well, I got a message
that Mary wanted to see me.

Didn't she tell you?

It's a rare day around here
when anybody tells me anything.

Mary!

I'm so sick and tired of
housework, I could scream.

Washing and ironing
and scrubbing the floors

and cooking the meals
and doing the dishes.

And what thanks do I get?

None.

Well, I'll just run over this
carpet till Mary gets down.

Is she sore because I
brought you that box of candy?

I haven't got time to
worry about her tantrums.

All she ever thinks
about is herself.

Oh, pardon me,
but that's not true.

She's the nicest girl I know.

And if she hadn't have
helped me with my schoolwork,

I'd be ineligible
for basketball.

I thought you were gonna give
up basketball to save humanity.

I'm not so sure
humanity is worth saving.

You kids are all alike. You
never know what you want.

Always have to
be told what to do.

Oh.

- What's the matter?
- My back.

It's killing me.

Well, when you get my age,
you just can't take it anymore.

Here.

There's the back door.

It's always something...
The front door, the back door.

Endless.

- Oh, I'm glad...
- Oh, the reason I...

Oh, excuse me.

- What were you going to say?
- Oh, it's about tonight.

I have the tickets, and...

Why are you sore at me?

I'm not sore at you,

not after those nice things
you just said about me.

Oh, gosh, I meant
it, too, every word.

Your mother's in
an awful bad mood.

Is she like that very often?

Oh, no.

Only when her back troubles her.

Which is never.

And her face was dirty.

And she had this horrible
rag tied around her head

and an old, torn apron on.

You were a mess,
weren't you, Mom?

Well, sometimes you
have to fight fire with fire.

Yeah, but the
question is, what...

He's here, Mary.

Coming.

The question is, what will he
think when he sees you now?

Oh, you don't need
to worry about that.

Oh, hello...

Jeepers!

You too.

Well, now the vote of
confidence is in, off you go.

- Have fun.
- Bye-bye.

Wait a minute, George.

Oh, I just hope you appreciate

what a wonderful
woman you married.

- Bye.
- Bye.

No, don't say anything.

I was just going to
second the motion.

Me too.

You may be old and worn out,
but you still look good to me.

If you're not too old and worn
out, may I have this dance?

I'd be charmed.