The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 1, Episode 36 - Advice to Young Lovers - full transcript

- Well, thank you, darling.
- You're welcome, dear.

I think those magazines
could be weeded out.

Some of them go
back almost three years.

But, Mary!

Thank you no end for at
least driving me home, George.

But, Mary!

Hello, George. How
are things going along?

All I did was simply...

Excuse me.

Have to rush off?

That's no way to treat George.



He's a nice boy.

Will you tell me why?

For the very simple
reason, Mother,

that I'm through with boys.

Especially boys like George.

For that matter,
especially George.

If he finds Babs so
fascinating, he can have her.

She can have him.

Oh, Mother, what's
wrong with me?

Why don't boys like me?

Could it be because you
slam the door in their faces?

Oh, Daddy.

Alex, this is hardly
the time for sarcasm.

Where's the sarcasm?



She almost
slammed it in my face.

Darling, there are times when
a girl needs understanding.

There are times when a
boy could use a little, too.

Are you on George's side?

I'm not anybody's side. I
thought you were for George.

Darling, would you
just go downstairs

and let me handle this?

All right.

Jeff, dear, would
you run upstairs

and tell Mary dinner's
ready, please?

Just when I'm eating.

There's never a
time when you're not,

so will you do as
your mother tells you?

- Thank you.
- I'm gonna starve to death.

What's this horrendous
crime George is guilty of,

or shouldn't I ask?

I believe Mary is
charging desertion

and naming her best friend.

Yes, it seems that Babs
was plighted to Tooey,

only Tooey and Babs had a tiff.

So in order to
make Tooey jealous,

Babs made a play for George

in what Mary said was the
most obvious and disgusting way.

That'll do it every time.

And George, according to Mary,

was silly enough to fall
for it, as they will every time.

Well, anyway, the upshot of it

was that Babs
wrangled from George

an invitation that
Mary was counting on.

And furthermore, she's
wearing his science-club pin.

Girls are falling
now for science pins?

Well, George's anyway.

Babs is wearing it like a scalp.

I was born too soon.

In my day, you couldn't get them

for anything less
than a gold football.

She's not coming down.
She's just laying up there.

Jeff, not "laying," "lying."

Well, whichever
it is, she's doing it.

I'll get her down.

Dear, I don't think
we should force her.

Well, a girl's got to eat.

Why?

People do to sustain life.

I don't think that right now

she's very much
interested in sustaining it.

All right.

Is it all right if I eat, or
are we all in mourning?

- Hi, Daddy.
- Hello, honey.

- Hi, honey.
- Hi, Mommy.

Would you like some supper?

I could warm up a
little something for you.

No, thank you, Mother.

You know, darling, sometimes
it helps to talk about things,

things that are bothering us.

You know, one time
when Daddy and I

were first going together...

Well, even before we were
going together, there was this girl.

What was that girl's
name? Was it Gloria?

You know darn well it was.

Well, Gloria or whoever had
her eye very much on Daddy.

I don't know about that.

I do.

She was out to get
you from the first.

You didn't put up much
of a struggle, either.

Why struggle?

I was the one who
did the struggling.

And 9 times out of 10,
dear, that's the way it goes.

Come on, now.

This is between Mary and me.

Well, don't believe
everything she tells you.

Not about Gloria, anyway.

Gloria's a fine girl.

His taste has improved since.

At the time, it was obvious
that something had to be done.

So I did it.

- You did?
- Of course.

I'd like to know
how you figure that.

Well, what did you do, Mother?

Well, you have to
use psychology, dear.

I mean, you have to
figure out how a man works.

It's really very simple. You...

Well, first of all, you
don't do it directly.

I mean, you wait
for the right moment.

Or rather, you arrange
the right moment.

Well, I'm sure you
remember the time

we got caught in the
rainstorm in that duck blind.

I suppose you're gonna tell
me you arranged the storm.

Well, not the storm.

You see, Gloria was
definitely not the outdoor type.

I'd say she was the indoor type.

So when the subject
of duck hunting came up

and one of Daddy's friends

suggested that we all go out
together the next morning...

The craziest idea
I ever heard of.

Nobody but Hooper would
have dreamed of such a thing.

Well, I like crazy ideas.

Or at least I pretended I did.

Who ever heard of mixed
doubles in duck shooting?

You thought it was a
wonderful idea at the time.

Anyway, Gloria made the mistake

of announcing that she wouldn't
be caught dead in hip boots.

So naturally I was all for it.

I thought you were being
an awfully good sport.

So there we were at 6:00
in the morning, freezing cold.

It was beginning
to rain. Remember?

I sure do.

And Hooper and his girl were
way on the other side of the marsh,

so they were no problem.

Well, we sat there and we
sat there, waiting for ducks.

Soggy.

Everything's soggy.

Alex, what time do
the ducks go over?

It's kind of hard to tell.
You have to wait and see.

Hey, you're cold.

Oh, no, not me.

I'm enjoying it.

I sure got to hand it to you.

Are you sure Gloria won't mind?

Mind what?

Our being together like this.

What can happen in a duck boat?

I guess that's what she figured.

I guess she isn't
much interested

in things that men are
interested in, is she?

You don't like Gloria, do you?

Oh, Alex, why do you say that?

I'm very fond of Gloria.

I admit she has
her shortcomings.

But honestly, I think
she's perfect for you.

What do you mean?

Well, Gloria isn't
the kind of girl

that will ever make any great
demand, intellectually, that is.

And, well, you'll
have your medicine.

And she'll have, I imagine,
things like bridge and so forth.

Well, I know you
don't like bridge,

but at least you wouldn't
have to worry about

keeping her mind occupied.

And that would be daytimes.

And then evenings,

well, doctors don't get evenings
much to themselves anyway,

so that wouldn't be a problem.

And, well, her family
does have money.

And I think you're right
to be thinking about that.

Who said I was thinking of that?

Oh, Alex, there's nothing
wrong with being practical.

A doctor has to
be if he's ambitious

and wants to get ahead.

And, well, looks
aren't everything.

No, honestly, I think
she's just perfect for you.

I think you ought to go
ahead and marry her.

Who said anything
about marrying her?

Don't tell me you haven't
been thinking about it.

She has, certainly.

I can tell, the way she
takes you for granted.

Hold it.

Why didn't you shoot?

Crow.

Boy, it's really
starting to rain now.

Sorry I got you into this.

I love the rain.

How can you love it?

The feeling of the clean,
fresh drops against your face.

The smell of the earth.

The sound of little
green things growing.

I just love it.

And I love to walk in the rain,

especially with
someone you're close to.

Does Gloria like the rain?

I don't think so.

Well, anyone who
can't appreciate nature,

I just feel they're
missing so much.

Or don't doctors like
things that are romantic?

Sure, they do. You're
darn right they do.

Alex, I always think of you
as so practical somehow.

Maybe there's a side
of me you don't know.

I hope so.

I hope so very much.

I'll show you.

Alex, what would Gloria think?

Would you forget about Gloria?

Oh, look, darling! Ducks!

What do you know?

That did it.

That's all there was to it.

Three days later,
he proposed to me.

Now, wait. It
wasn't like that at all.

It was on the balcony
at the Loews Orpheum.

And the feature
was Joan Crawford

in "Strange Cargo."

I wore my yellow
silk print dress.

And the usher tapped
you on the shoulder

and told you cut it out.

I did not propose to
you in Loews Orpheum.

Well, it was right after that.

And furthermore,

I fail to see what all
this has to do with Mary.

I'm merely trying to point
out that there comes a time

when a girl has to take
matters into her own hands.

I mean, if you wait for men
to do it, you'll just wait forever.

Babs doesn't hesitate.

She just rushes right in
and grabs what she wants.

In a case like that, you've
just got to fight fire with fire.

Now, I think the way
for you to handle George

is to develop a sudden
interest in Tooey.

The whole thing's revolting.

What's revolting?

All this plotting and scheming.

Why can't women be just
honest and straightforward,

come right out in the open?

Because, dear, they're
dealing with men.

Jeff, let this be
a warning to you.

This is what goes
on behind the scenes.

The thing to bear in mind, dear,

is that half the time, men
don't know what they want.

So it's up to you...

I'll ask you to
remember just one thing.

It was I who did the proposing.

I was the one who
took the initiative.

Yes, dear, but why do
you think you took it?

Now, the important
thing to remember, dear,

is that you have to make
them think it was their idea.

Jeff, how would you
like to get out of here?

I wish you would. It
would make things easier.

- Let's get out of the house.
- But where are we gonna go?

I don't know. Would
you like to go bowling?

Hey, great! Sure!

Just you and me, Dad?

Just you and me.

- No women?
- No women.

Women are goofy, huh, Dad?

Now, Jeff, that's not a
very nice thing to say.

- After all, your Mother...
- That's what you said.

No. I didn't say it.

So long, girls.

Bye!

Hey, Mom!

Tooey wants to know what time
to come for Mary this evening.

Oh, heavens, I don't know.

- Would you get that, please?
- Sure.

Tooey?

Mary's up in the shower.

Why don't you come around 6:30?

- Hi, Babs. What do you want?
- Is Mary...

Hi, Mrs. Stone.

How nice you look.

- Is Mary around?
- Well, I think she's...

I love your hair the
way you're doing it.

Thanks. I was
thinking of changing it.

Don't, please.

Why, I love it this way.

I tell everybody
you're my ideal.

Mary's upstairs, you say?

Well, I don't know...

Don't bother. I'll just run up.

Now, what does she want?

Well, thanks a million, Mary.

You know, I'm really
looking forward to tonight.

I think it'll be fun switching
partners like this, don't you?

You take real
good care of Tooey.

But don't let him
bore you to death.

Sweet of Mary, wasn't it?

I suppose I'm crazy,
warm weather like this.

But when you're just
getting over a cold,

you can't be too
careful, can you?

Well, thanks again,
Mary. Goodbye.

Mary, did you let Babs
borrow your new fur jacket?

Well, what could I do,
Mother? She asked me.

First she takes your boyfriend.

And now she takes your
jacket. And you let her.

Mother, it's just that Babs
knows what she wants

and how to get it, and I don't.

She asked me, and I couldn't
think of any reason why not.

You don't have to have a reason.

Couldn't you just say no?

I don't care, Mother.

Let her take it. Let
her take everything.

Mary, you...

Alex, can you imagine
the gall of that girl?

She comes in here and
borrows Mary's Christmas present

even before she has
a chance to wear it.

Just because it's
your best friend,

that's no reason to let
yourself be taken advantage of.

Alex, it was incredible.

That girl had the
gall to walk in here.

And what did Mary do?

I tell you, the trouble
with Mary is she's too nice.

And it's about time she stopped.

I'm going to have to
have a talk with her.

Mary, come down here.

I want to have a talk with you.

Now, look, darling,

what I'm going to tell
you is for your own good.

Now, I want you to know how I
would handle this whole thing.

This ought to be good.

Now, look, darling, when
Tooey gets here this evening...

I wish I hadn't asked
him to come so early.

Well, anyway, when he gets
here, you be upstairs dressing.

You let Jeff answer the door.

Now, dress slowly.

Keep him waiting.

Well, what for?

Well, darling, it
never does any harm.

And you don't want to be
the first to arrive at the party.

But, Mother, how
can I keep him...

Honey, don't worry about Tooey.

If he gets restless,

I'll come out and engage
him in a conversation.

You ever try to carry on a
conversation with Tooey?

Bird talk.

I can handle Tooey.

Now, look, honey, we'll stall

so Babs and all the
others will be there first.

And you can make an entrance,

chummy as can be,
having the time of your life.

With Tooey? Oh,
Mother, I can't stand him.

Darling, don't let
anybody know that.

Pretend that you're
wild about him.

You know, carry
on, laugh at his jokes.

I mean, that'll make George
wonder what he's missing.

Babs, too, and the
next thing you know,

they'll be ignoring each other
and watching you and Tooey.

Listen to this, Jeff. You
might learn something.

- Alex, I...
- Mother, make Jeff go away.

Jeff, go away.

Darling, when you start dancing,

forget everything you
learned in dancing school.

What do you mean?

Well, you know,
close your eyes a little

and swoon and look dreamy.

Well, you know.

Pretend you're
dancing with George.

What will George be
thinking all this time?

Honey, don't worry
what George is thinking.

By this time, he probably
won't even be dancing with Babs.

He'll just be
standing there glaring.

That's right, pawing the ground,
fire coming out of his nostrils.

Oh, Alex!

I can't sit here and listen to
this cold-blooded conspiracy.

Well, nobody's
asking you to sit here.

Will you tell me how what
you're doing is any better

or any different
than what Babs did,

which you think is
such an outrage?

Babs did it first.

Women!

Hey, Dad, you
want to go bowling?

No.

Men!

Mommy, I was going to iron that.

Well, it's all done.

And I'm sure you'll
look lovely in it.

Thank you, anyway.

Oh, my. It's almost 6:00.

You better think
about getting dressed.

- It must be Tooey!
- He's early.

No! Don't answer the door.

Let Jeff do it. Where's Jeff?

Jeff, would you get
the door, please?

What am I, the butler?

Just a second.

Don't just stand there.

Have you forgotten
everything I told you?

Yes!

Go on upstairs and get dressed.
But remember, don't hurry.

I'll give Tooey five minutes
and then come out and stall him.

Go on, honey. Hurry. Quick.

Wait till I'm out of sight.

Hi, Tooey, old...

George?

What do you say, Jeff?

Is Mary around?

Everybody thought
you were Tooey.

Yeah. I'll go tell her.

Mary!

You wished to see me, George?

Yeah. I mean, yes.

See, I have to pick up,
well, you know, Babs.

And, well, I wanted
to explain to you first,

well, because I didn't want
you to get the wrong idea.

And I'm afraid maybe you did.

You see, well,

you know you can't get in a
word while Babs is around.

So, that's how you
did get the wrong idea.

I mean, that's why
I did come over.

What I really mean is, gosh,

I didn't ask Babs
to go to the dance.

She came and asked me.

Babs asked you?

Yeah.

Yeah, she must have.

Because I certainly
wasn't gonna ask her.

I was gonna ask you.

But doggone it, the first
thing I knew, she just...

George, would you like
to step into the living room

for a minute?

I sure would.

I'd like to get this whole
thing straightened out.

I know Babs is
a friend of yours.

But while we're on the
subject, there's one more thing.

It's my science-club pin.

Well, gosh darn it, I
didn't want her to have it.

See, I had just gotten it.

And I wanted to
wear it one day myself.

But Babs saw it,
and, well, gosh.

Somehow she got it off
me, and she asked me for it.

And that's how.

I was so surprised, I
didn't know what to say.

But she's got it.

I know. She has my fur jacket.

Well, I didn't know how
to ask her for it back,

so I bought another one.

I mean, if you wouldn't
mind, I'd like you to wear it.

George, I'd be honored to.

And the one that Babs has
got, well, that doesn't even count.

George, it's just beautiful.

Will you pin it on
my collar for me?

Sure. I mean, no,
I'm not very good.

Please.

Okay.

Tell me if I stick you.

Okay.

There. How's that?

That's fine.

George, I want to
ask you a question,

and I want you to
be very frank with me.

All right.

Do you like girls
who are superficial

and always chasing
after every boy they meet?

Or do you like girls
who are sincere?

Sincere.

Well, Mary...

Hello, George.

Excuse me.

What's she doing
in there with George?

- George?
- Yes!

I don't think that
girl will ever learn.

I mean, she should be
upstairs playing hard to get,

and with Tooey, at that.

How did George get in here?

Honey, I've got to go in
there and break this up.

Mary, dear, do you
know what time it is?

- Excuse me.
- Hello, Mrs. Stone.

Tooey will be here any minute.
You haven't started to dress.

You know how he
hates to be kept waiting.

You go on upstairs. Quick.

I know you'll understand.
You're dressed, and Mary isn't.

Please listen for just a minute.

- Bye.
- Mommy.

Mother, stop.

- You're making a mistake.
- Mother!

George! Oh, wait a minute!

I give up.

I've just tried everything.

You certainly have.

This girl will never learn.

Mother, well, look
just for a minute.

George?

George.

Well, there. You see?

Well, that was fast work.

Oh, Daddy.

What time are we due
at the Carters', darling?

Nothing definite.

Anytime after
dinner's all right.

Good. No rush.

Mary looked so happy
when she left this evening.

I have a hunch she and George

will be getting
together later on.

And George.

Well, George is sweet.

He probably thinks the
whole thing was his idea.

You see, darling, all it
takes is a little psychology

and a little managing.

And you realize that
not one thing worked out

the way you planned
it, not one thing?

Well, Mary got what
she wanted, didn't she?

I mean, give me
credit at least for that.

You and your managing.

Do you realize how
much of it was sheer luck?

Why, luck had
nothing to do with it.

Well, suppose it had
worked out the other way.

Suppose I had married Gloria.

How did we get back to that?

Just suppose I had.

It would have served you right.

Why do you say that?

Well, I saw a picture
of her the other day

in the Kappa Kappa
Gamma bulletin.

Well?

I always knew she
was the type to get fat.

That guy you were running around
with was no bargain, that Merle.

How'd you like to be
married to him now?

Well, I have no doubt
he's very successful.

He probably has
a beautiful home.

As a matter of fact he
has... A whole string of them.

Funeral homes.

Dear heart, when
will you ever learn?

It's not that you're so smart.

It's just that you're
so darned attractive.

Let's call the Carters and
tell them we can't come over.

- But, darling...
- Now, no arguments.

We're always doing what
other people want us to do.

This time, we're gonna
do what I want to do.

Call them up. Make some excuse.

But, darling, I've
already called.