The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 1, Episode 30 - The Hero - full transcript

Biff, Alex's old college roommate, comes to visit. Everyone's opinion of Biff is based upon his past glory and Biff is tired of living in the past.

Jeff, any mail?

Nothing.

- What do you mean nothing?
- Nothing for me.

How come nobody
ever writes me a letter?

Well, Jeff, why don't you
try writing them a letter?

Maybe then they'd answer you.

How come I always
have to write first?

Jeff, did you ever write...

I knew you were
gonna bring that up.

Bring what up?

Did I ever thank Grandma for the
money she sent me at Christmas?



- Well, did you?
- Mom, I've been busy.

I wish she hadn't sent
me the darn money.

It's all spent now, anyway.

This is from Biff.

Biff?

Yeah, Biff Jameson.
You remember.

- My old college roommate.
- Hey, was he the all-American?

That's right. He's coming
to town apparently.

Is he coming here? Is
he gonna stay with us?

Did you hear that,
Mary? Biff Jameson.

He was the one that ran
65 yards in the Rose Bowl

for a touchdown.

- Isn't that right, Dad?
- I think it was 70, Jeff.

70, and he's staying with us.



Oh, I got to tell Mike and
Eddie. I got to tell everybody!

Wait a minute! I didn't say...

- Bye, Mom.
- Goodbye, dear.

Bye, Dad.

And he's all ours.

Not in the house, Jeff.

Outside if you
want to play football.

You want to go outside and
throw a few passes with me, Mom?

Thanks, I have too much to do.

Maybe Stanley would
like some exercise.

Him?

You know, if you
threw him a pass,

it'd knock him off his pins.

I don't think that's a
very nice thing to say,

especially since he
spends so much time

helping your sister
with her math.

Is that them?

It's him!

Hike, one, two, three.

Here we are.

- Hello, Biff.
- Oh, Donna!

I haven't seen you
since the reunion.

You get prettier every
year. Oh, you lucky guy.

Who would think my roommate
would get a girl like this?

- Jeff, this is...
- I know who he is. Hi!

Hi, there. A football?

I thought this was
the baseball season.

I just happened to have this.

He wears his helmet
to the dinner table.

You have no idea what
you've done to this family.

Well, don't just stand
there. Come on. Let's go.

Green 36, hike!

Oh!

Oh, say, this is a nice
little home you got here.

Yeah, nice little home.

Well, we like it.

Not exactly a New York
apartment, of course.

Oh, you can get tired
of apartment living.

Fella gets soft.

The only exercise you get
is pushing elevator buttons.

I'm not there very much. I spend
most of my time on the road.

Say, you look in
pretty good shape.

- How do you do it?
- My own little secret.

Mr. Jameson, if you'd
like to get a little exercise...

What was that
name you called me?

My name is Biff.

- Well, Mom said I should...
- You call me "Biff."

Everybody else does.
Office, everywhere.

Okay, and you can call me Jeff.

Now you want to go
throw a few passes?

Well, I...

Jeff, give Biff a chance
to catch his breath.

I'm sure he's tired.

Him tired?

A guy that can run 70
yards in the Rose Bowl?

I had to run.

There were a lot of
big guys chasing me.

Tell you what we'll do. We'll
run some plays later, huh?

But right now I'd like to
meet the rest of the family.

Oh, yes. Mary and Stanley,
this is Mr. Biff Jameson.

How do you do, Mr. Jameson?

Well, say.

I can see where she
got her good looks.

And not from you,
you old gorilla.

I'm only kidding.
I'm just jealous.

Hey, Stan, you a football
player like your brother?

He's not my brother. He
couldn't even toss a beanbag.

Oh, I doubt that. He
looks pretty wiry to me.

Stanley's a friend of Mary's.

He helps her with her math.

Best kind of friend to have.

I know.

I never would have played
in that Rose Bowl game.

I was flunking.

Best buddy here kept
me up three nights boning.

Well, if you'll excuse us, Biff,
we have to get back to our math.

- It was very nice to meet you.
- Very nice to meet you, Mary.

- See you later.
- Nice to meet you, sir.

Okay, Stan. See you
on the field, huh, boy?

- How about a nice, cool drink?
- Yeah, that'd be fine.

Well, Biff, sit
down. Fill me in.

Now, would you like to
go throw a few passes?

Not now, Jeff.

Biff and I have some
catching up to do first.

Yeah, we got a lot of stuff
to talk... I'll tell you what.

It's a little late to
start anything now.

But if you round up a
few pals in the morning,

we'll have a game
of touch football.

- How about that, huh?
- That'd be great.

Heck, I can get Mike and Eddie
and the whole gang and Rusty.

His brother's captain of the
high-school football team.

Sound like good
men, all of them.

And Peanuts. He's a little
guy, but you should see him run.

Well, go on. Grab him before
somebody else signs him up.

Okay.

Hey, tell them to get
a good night's sleep,

be on the field, in
uniform, 9:00 sharp.

No excuses. Right?

Right, coach.

I'll get it!

- Here we are.
- Thank you, darling.

Oh, hi, Russ.

Talk a little louder, will
you? I got my helmet on.

Why?

Biff Jameson's here.

Right here in our living room.

What a great boy.

Does your brother want
to talk to her himself?

Well, she's sitting right
here doing her homework.

Or Stanley is.

And that girl of yours...

give her a couple of years, and
she's gonna be breaking hearts.

I'm afraid she's
breaking one right now.

Hey, Mary, George wants Rusty

to fix it up with me
to fix it up with you

to see if you'd go to the
roller rink with him tomorrow.

Well, tell him yes,
Jeff. Tell him yes.

But Mary, I thought you and I...

Well, I'm sorry, Stanley.

I told you that I might have
a previous engagement.

Like I thought,
she says, "Sure."

I am sorry, Stanley.

Maybe some other
time. You understand.

We're getting up a
little game tomorrow.

Be over at the house at 9:00
sharp, and wear your stuff.

Well, sure.

What do you think?

Bye, Russ.

That was Rusty.

His brother's captain of the
high-school football team.

Oh.

Would you tell me
why Rusty's brother

couldn't have
called Mary himself?

George call her?

It's just an excuse.

All he's interested in
is a chance to meet Biff.

There, you see, Biff?

You're a big man around here.

Come on in here,
boy. Thataboy, Jeff.

Now, look, we'll figure
out the game tomorrow.

Yeah, firm did
pretty well last year.

- Over $7 million.
- Wow.

Offices in 15 cities now.

You remember Fred Merriman?

He was secretary of our class.

I never really knew him.

He's head of the firm.

That's how I came to
be associated with it.

I take it you're doing
pretty well yourself, then.

Well, I can't complain, exactly.

Just what is it you do?

There isn't any title,
exactly, to my position.

I suppose you could
call it public relations.

Take this trip, for instance.

Tomorrow, I'm invited
to address the luncheon

of the Board of Trade here.

I'll have to try to get there.

Yeah, and then from here
we go on to... Oh, I say "we."

That's Harry and me.

Harry's my sidekick,
one of our vice presidents.

We make these
trips together, usually.

Well, I'm sorry.

If I had known you
had someone with you,

we'd have invited him, too.

Oh, no, no.

No, Harry can
take care of himself.

No need to do that.

Well, tell me all
about yourself, Alex.

Settled down, become a
horse-and-buggy doctor, huh?

Just small-town
stuff, but I like it.

I guess I was never cut out
for big things like you, Biff.

I always knew that,
even back in college.

So I'm satisfied.

Yeah, well, I guess
we are all different.

Alex has made a real
place for himself here.

People really appreciate him.

That's something.

That's a lot.

Well, how's your wife?

Martha? Oh, she's fine.

Good. I liked her so much
the one time I saw her.

Well, she's quite a gal.

It's too bad she couldn't
come along with you.

Well, she's got
her fill of these trips.

Hey, by the way, maybe
I could give her a call.

- Would you mind?
- Go right ahead.

- By all means.
- Thanks.

Oh, don't worry
about the charges.

I'll put them on my
telephone credit card.

Dear, would you mind
giving me a hand, please?

Sure.

He doesn't seem like
the old Biff somehow.

How do you mean?

All the fun's gone out of him.

He's working at it now.

It's as though he were
trying to prove something.

Too bad.

No, I'm not!

I just called you
'cause I thought

you might like to know
where I am, that's all.

But if you're not interested...

You know, it's a funny feeling.

You room with a
fella for three years.

He's a guy just like you are.

You knock around together,
get in mischief and all that.

Then 20 years later,
you see him again.

He's a doctor.

He can save lives.

Now, what happened?

What was he doing while you
were doing what you were doing?

Well, for one thing, he
was working his head off.

Tell me, when did you really
decide to become a doctor?

Well, I don't know, Biff.

I guess that's the decision
you make subconsciously.

That's a little
like asking a man

when he fell in
love with his wife.

When did you?

Which? What?

Decide to do what you're doing.

I don't know if I ever decided.

Oh, dear.

Sit still. Must be for me.

Dr. Stone.

Tell me, Jeff.

What are you gonna be when
you grow up, a doctor like your dad?

Heck no. Not me.

Have you taken his temperature?

Why, Jeff.

I changed my mind.

- Well, how come?
- Well, look at Dad.

He never gets to finish a
meal without somebody calling.

Besides, doctors have to
go to school for half their life.

I want to have some fun.

Well, what do you
think would be fun?

Are you kidding? Play football.

You can't do that all your life.

Or can you?

If you're not careful.

Yeah, I'll be out shortly.

Bye-bye.

The Harrison baby
again. Trouble with the ear.

So I'll have to go out.

Oh.

- Sorry, Biff.
- Well, I'm sorry, too, Alex.

Pick it up later, huh?

Yeah.

I hate to have you
driving all that way alone.

Don't worry, darling.

And don't wait up. I
might be pretty late.

Good night.

Good night, Biff.

Oh, thank you, Biff.

Jeff, will you help Mary
clear the table, please?

Well, Donna, it looks like

we're gonna have a little
chance to get acquainted, huh?

Yes.

I'm sorry about this evening.

Alex would get a call
tonight of all nights.

Does it happen very often?

Well, it's just something that a
doctor's wife learns to expect.

There are always lots of people

who need your husband
more than you do.

Oh, it must be
nice to be needed.

You know, I envy the guy
what he's got here in you and...

this home...

those kids...

his practice.

He's a useful citizen.

People need him.

Well, you know how
Alex feels about you.

He thinks you're the
most wonderful guy

in the whole world.

Alex thinks that about me?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, Donna, I don't have
many illusions about myself.

I know what I've got.

My reputation.

It's all my company's
interested in.

They don't give me
any real responsibility.

Well, I can't believe that.

It's true.

You know what I do?

You want to know?

My firm gets a line on a town

that's planning to
float a bond issue.

Right away, they
rush me out with Harry.

It's my job to give
them the old personality.

We show them a film
of the Rose Bowl game

where I ran 70 yards
for a touchdown.

I shake hands,
call them "buddy."

And while the city
fathers are still aglow,

Harry goes to work
quietly and signs them up.

A real phony.

Biff, if you don't like
it, why do you do it?

I don't know.

Somehow, way back there
in college, I got off the track.

Maybe that's why I
felt I had to see Alex.

He always knew
what he was doing.

I never did.

Well, things haven't
always been easy for Alex.

There have been
the rough times, too.

Yeah, but he had
you to keep him going.

- Well, you have...
- Oh, it isn't the same.

Martha and I, we got lost,
too, back there somewhere.

She still puts up with
me, but it's not the same.

I can't blame her.

She stuck by me longer
than I had any right to ask.

I'm so sorry, Biff.

I wish there was
something I could say.

Say?

I've said too much.

You're tired. You
must need some sleep.

I must need something.

Well, why don't you
turn in? Come on.

I'd better.

Got that luncheon tomorrow.

I got to make that
70-yard run again.

Come on.

I think I'll read
before I go to bed.

You're not gonna
wait up for Alex.

He said he might be all night.

Well, I can't go to sleep
anyway before he comes home.

Lucky fella.

Good night, Biff.

I guess Alex wouldn't mind.

Good night, Donna.

Thanks.

Good night.

Hey, glad to see you here, boys.

You too. Glad to meet
you. You fellas get over here.

You can play on
the opposite team.

I'm playing with Biff.

Who's this?

That's Mike. Mike, this is Biff.

Hello, Mike.

- What position do you play?
- I play them all.

Attaboy.

- Who's this?
- That's Eddie.

- Hello, Eddie.
- Hi.

Ooh, look out for this guy.

- Who's this bruiser?
- That's Peanuts.

Hello, Peanuts.

You know, my scouts
have told me all about you.

Understand you're a flash.

I guess so.

Okay, we got some good
material here now, fellas.

- I'm sorry I didn't...
- Hey, here he is.

- What do you say, Jeff?
- Hi.

- Hello, Mary.
- Hi, Uncle Biff.

Uncle Biff, I'd like you
to meet George Haskell.

Oh, is this the lad you've
been telling me about?

- Yes, it is.
- I see what you mean.

He's really good, Biff.

He's the captain of the team.

Well, glad to know you, George.

I guess I don't
have to tell you, sir,

it's really an honor
to meet Biff Jameson.

That's quite a grip
you got there, boy.

How much you weigh?

140.

You'll fill out a little, too.

I expect so, sir.

I'd like to see you
play sometime.

I'd like to have you.

Let's get things
going here, shall we?

Hey, Stan!

Come on over here and
get in the fracas, huh?

- He can't play.
- Quiet, Jeff.

I'm not very good, sir.

Oh, come on.

We need all the fellas
we can get in this game.

- No kidding, Biff. He...
- Keep it quiet.

Beef isn't everything
in this game.

It takes brains, too.

Wish I had some.

Now, come on, Stan.

Go on, Stanley.
Go ahead and play.

Okay, Mr. Jameson.

All right, it's "Biff." Come
on, let's get going here.

- Oh, hi, dear.
- Hi, darling.

- You all finished?
- Yeah.

Good.

Biff and Peanuts,
same age exactly.

Okay, hey, Jeff, give it a
little more hip when you block.

Center it a little
lower to me, will you?

All right, now, come
on. Let's try it again.

Signals 23, 42, hike!

Okay. Okay.

- Uncle Biff!
- Uncle Biff!

Oh, my knee.

Gee, Mr. Jameson.

- Are you all right?
- Are you okay, Uncle Biff?

I'll be all right in a
minute. It's just my knee.

Gosh, I didn't mean...

You didn't have to throw
yourself at him like that.

That's a penalty, and you'd
be thrown out of the game.

- This is touch!
- Honest, I didn't mean anything.

Do you always have to show
off to show how tough you are?

It wasn't George's fault, Mary.

Things like this
happen in football.

Hey, what's the trouble, Biff?

Boys playing too rough for you?

I thought this
was touch football.

Well, I was off-balance.

I guess I twisted it.

Is it serious?

It's just a wrench.

- Those things can be painful.
- Let's help lift him up.

- Here we go.
- Thanks.

Oh, darn thing.

After all these years
of playing football,

a silly little game of...

Oh, I'll look great at
the luncheon tomorrow.

You'll be all right.

Mighty Biff knocked
out by a schoolboy.

Go on with the
game, huh, fellas?

George, great tackle.

Ooh!

Where the heck have you been?

I'm sorry, Harry.

I suppose you know you've kept
them waiting 20 minutes already.

- It may sound silly, Harry...
- What happened to you anyway?

Well, you see, I was playing
a little game of touch football...

Ah, don't give me any of that.

- Just pull yourself together...
- Believe me, Harry!

He was playing touch
football, and if he needs

a doctor's certificate,
I'll give it to him.

- Harry, this is Doctor...
- How do you do?

Come on, will you?
They're waiting for you.

Well, at last,
gentlemen, here he is,

the old warhorse
himself, Biff Jameson.

Biff, I'd like you to meet
two very fine friends of mine,

Mr. Hart and Mr. Miller.

Both members of the
city council, I understand,

and both played football
themselves in their time.

Well, nothing like all-American.

You know, I was telling
these gentlemen, Biff,

that I happened to
bring along some film

of the Rose Bowl game of '41.

I thought maybe
after the luncheon

we might run the film for them

and have you give them
some highlights on the game.

Harry, I've made a little
change in the speech.

What do you mean?

Gentlemen, I don't know what
the Rose Bowl game of 1941

has got to do with your
municipal-bond issue in 1959.

Wait a minute.

If this town wants
to float alone,

I recommend that you
consider the bids on their merits.

Have you gone out of your mind?

Now, I believe Benson
Wardwell is a good, honest outfit,

not because I'm
associated with it

or because I made a
70-yard touchdown run.

As a matter of fact,
as of this moment,

I am no longer
associated with it,

because, frankly, I don't
believe I'm any asset to it.

You can say that again.

Now, I'm sorry if I've
spoiled your luncheon.

I don't believe I have.

Harry has the films.

He can run them off for you.

He can tell you all about
that 70-yard touchdown run.

He's made it as often as I have.

I don't ever want to
hear about it again.

Now, good luck
on your bond issue.

Good day, gentlemen.

Goodbye, Harry.

Shall we go, doctor?

Donna, you should
have heard him.

He really told him.

I told him, all right.

You know, I've been wanting
to tell Harry that for years,

but I never thought I'd do it.

Maybe... Maybe Harry's right.

Maybe I am out of my mind.

I don't think so at all.

I think you have more
to offer than you realize.

Such as what?

Well, this morning, for
example, with those children.

You were just wonderful.

Oh, well, that was fun.

Well, can't work be fun?

That's what I mean.

With Stanley, for example,
the way you built him up.

He needs that so much.

Now, that's the kind of
work you should be doing...

With boys, building them up.

You're pretty good at
that sort of work yourself...

Building people up.

Biff, I hesitate
to suggest this.

I'm sure they don't pay much,

but the county welfare's
looking for someone...

Kind of a combination
playground supervisor,

youth counselor, you
know, if you'd be interested.

Well, interested, yeah.

Not juvenile delinquents,

but you keep them
from becoming that.

Well, who am I to turn up my
nose at juvenile delinquents?

An old delinquent
like Biff Jameson.

Now, this is something
that's badly needed, Biff,

and I think you'd be good at it.

Yeah, it's something I could do.

I'm pretty good
at, well, you know.

I could always tell them
about that 70-yard run.

Biff, why don't you do it?

You know, I think I'd like that.

Never had any kids of my own.

Maybe I could...

No, no, I couldn't.

Why not?

Oh, it'd be such a comedown.

I don't mean for me.

But I could never ask
Martha to come out here

and start over again like this.

I think maybe you
underestimate Martha.

Look, why don't you call her?

Yeah, get her to come
out and look the place over.

Oh, no, she'd never.

She's used to New York.

- Oh, she'd never.
- Go on. Call her.

I'm not even sure
she'd speak to me.

If I suggested
anything like this,

she'd think I'm off my rocker.

Well, call her anyway.

Look, if you don't, I am.

- Donna, no, don't.
- What's the number?

Lehigh 4-5098.

I'd like to call New
York City, please.

Lehigh 4-5098.

Yes.

Do you think she'll be there?

Oh, I don't know.

I don't know what she
does when I'm not in town.

After all, it is possible for a
woman to be happy in this town.

I know.

Hello? Hello, Mrs. Jameson?

Just a moment.

Come on.

Honey?

Yeah, it's Biff.

Yeah.

Well, something happened.

Yeah, I may have
gotten out of line a little.

I told Harry off.

No, I fired him.

Well, I don't know
who fired who,

but, well, anyway, the thing
is, well, what do I do now?

Well, you see, there's...
There's this job out here.

Maybe it's not much, but...
Well, maybe I can't even get it.

But if I did, you'd have
to move out here to live.

So, well, I was wondering,
what do you think?

Here, let me talk to her.

Give me that phone a minute.

Hello, Martha?

This is Donna.

This is difficult.

You hardly know me, and I
don't know quite what to say,

but, well, Biff needs
you, and he loves you.

How about it?

Did she say yes?

No.

She said, "Why couldn't
the big lug say it himself?"

Oh, honey, this may
be nothing at all, but...

It may be the worst mistake
I ever made in my life,

but I got a feeling.

I just got a feeling.