The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 1, Episode 26 - Mary's Campaign - full transcript

Jeff.

- Give me the cookies.
- Mom, I'm starved.

We'll have dinner just as
soon as Mary gets here.

I won't last that long.

Sit down. Conserve your energy.

How would it look
in the headlines?

"Doctor's son
collapses from hunger.

Authorities investigate."

When you collapse,
don't fall on your side.

You might crush that banana.

How did this get in my pocket?



Maybe it grew there.

Bananas flourish in a
tropical climate, you know.

Would you believe it?

That starving child had
an apple, a sandwich,

and a glass of milk
just two hours ago.

Hey, slow down.

It's dangerous to gulp food

after a long siege
of starvation.

Oh, I have wonderful
news for you!

Can you stop bouncing
long enough to tell us?

Hurry up so we can start eating.

Hang on, Jeff.

What's the wonderful
news, honey?

Well, this afternoon...



Jeff, for the next few
days, will you promise

you won't start fights with
friends of people I know?

I haven't got enough
strength to fight anybody.

- What is it...
- Easy, Jeff.

I think she's trying
to tell us something.

Daddy, if you feel like
saying anything blunt

to patients' mothers who
have older brothers or sisters...

Now, wait a minute.

How did my bedside
manner get involved in this?

Alex, promise or we'll never
hear the end of the story.

Mother, I know you
always look lovely.

But for the next few days,

would you not wear slacks
when you go shopping, please?

Mary, why is it so
vital for Jeff not to fight,

your father not to
offend patients' mothers,

and me not to wear
slacks to the butcher?

I'm running for
class vice president.

Well, that's wonderful, honey.

Marvelous.

Goody, goody.

Now can we eat?

And before the kids vote,

each candidate gets up and
makes a speech about their platform.

Now, Mother, what can I say?

You know, something
that will please everybody.

Well, say something
nice about dogs.

They can't vote, but
everybody loves them.

I'll ask Cathy.
She's advising me.

A campaign manager?

You know, I'm lucky
she offered to help me.

She knows everybody.

And, well, even though
she doesn't hold an office,

she practically runs our class.

I see.

A kind of a political
mastermind?

You know, she thinks I'd be
an important student-body officer

in a couple of years.

Food!

Please... food.

Oh, if the class ever finds out
about this goon in our family...

We'll keep him
locked up in a closet

till the election is over.

Here. And Cathy will
be here in just a minute.

Why does she have to come?

Because I asked her.

Daddy, would you make
Jeff clean up before dinner?

He looks, well, so grimy.

Now she's ashamed of her family.

Honey, I don't think
Jeff's personal hygiene

should be injected
as a campaign issue.

There.

But you do look a little grimy,

so go change into
something else.

I'm not grimy. I'm casual.

Upstairs.

Daddy, I love you
in that sweater.

Thank you, honey.

Especially when
you're wearing a tie.

Mary, you want me to change
into my black dinner dress?

I'm sorry, Mother. I don't
want to sound like a snob.

I just want Cathy
to see us at our best.

Mary, we promise
not to embarrass you.

You know, Andrew Jackson
was inaugurated president

in a suit that made every
Washington tailor wince.

Jeff!

Would you bring me
down a black tie, please?

She's ashamed of
you, too, huh, Pop?

Just bring down the tie.

Must he have an
editorial comment

on everything that
happens around here?

- Hi, Mary.
- Hi, Cathy.

I'm so glad you could come.

I'll take your jacket.

Oh, Cathy, I'd like you
to meet my parents.

Mother and Daddy,
this is Cathy Robinson.

- Hello, Cathy.
- How do you do, Cathy?

It's a pleasure to
meet both of you.

And thank you for
asking me to dinner.

It's nice to have you.

Excuse me. I'm going
to put on the soup.

I'm sorry I'm late.

I hope it didn't
inconvenience you.

We had one near casualty,
Cathy, but it's nothing serious.

Oh, Cathy, this
is my brother, Jeff.

It's a pleasure to
know you, Jeffrey.

Hi.

You look very nice, Jeff.

Oh, it's nothing.

I couldn't find my tuxedo.

Shall we eat?

Jeff has fainting spells
if dinner is delayed.

Yes. Let's.

Cathy, will you sit
over there, please?

You look lovely, dear.

Thank you.

Well, we hear that
Mary is planning

to run for the vice
presidency of the class.

That's right, Dr. Stone.

And I think we have a very
good chance of winning,

even though we have
a strong opponent.

I'm running against
Betsy Cartwright.

She's a very nice girl.

Yes, Betsy's a darling girl.

It's considered unethical

to say complimentary
things about your opponent.

Betsy's an honor student.

She's very conscientious
about her work.

Then why are you
running against her?

Jeff.

The voters have a choice.

It's part of the democratic
system... two candidates.

One good and one bad?

Jeff, let's not prejudge
the candidates.

Besides, I happen
to like our entry.

Cathy, did you know that my
mother's very active on the PTA?

She's working on a committee
with the vice principal now.

Really, Mrs. Stone?

Well, I'm just working
with Mrs. Aldridge

on the Parents' Day assembly.

Maybe we could use
that in our campaign.

Well, Betsy's mother

was district chairman
of the PTA last year.

Oh. Well, then,

I don't think we better
bring up that subject at all.

A wise decision.

Jeff, no editorial comments.

Well, Pop, I'm the
voice of the people.

Pox vopuli, you know?

Daddy, what was it that
famous brain surgeon said to you

at the medical convention?

Famous brain surgeon?

You mean Dr. Cushman?

Yes, that's the one.
He's a great neurologist.

What was it he said, Daddy?

Well, as I recall
it, he said, "Hello."

Well, actually, he said,

"It's very nice to see
you again, Dr. Stone."

And I said, "Thank
you, Dr. Cushman."

It was a brilliant exchange.

Honey, what qualifications
are you planning to emphasize

when you accept the nomination?

Well, Cathy said...

Well, you see, Dr. Stone,

we have to think of something
that will appeal to the kids.

Betsy Cartwright
isn't very popular,

but, well, everyone
respects her.

Then why is Mary
running against her?

Jeff, which side are you on?

Pox vopuli.

Jeff, it's a valid question.

But don't repeat
it too frequently.

Cathy, what plan do you have
for presenting Mary to the voters?

Well, everyone that
knows Mary likes her,

but, well, she's not too...

Aggressive?

Well, you might call it that.

But we can emphasize
certain other things.

Well, the boys
will vote for Mary.

She's a lot prettier than Betsy.

Well, isn't it important to
emphasize Mary's ability?

This isn't a beauty contest.

You're right, Mrs. Stone.

But we have to take advantage

of the qualities Mary
has that Betsy doesn't.

After all, Betsy Cartwright
is a terribly smart student.

And, well, naturally
the teachers like her

and the kids trust her.

Well, then why is she...

Jeff!

I withdraw the question.

That must be my father.

I'm coming!

Mother, Daddy.

Yeah?

Goodbye. Thank you so
much for dinner and everything.

You're welcome, Cathy.

Good night, Cathy.

Well, back to the dishes.

Now, don't forget. You be
nice to Cynthia tomorrow.

She's the best girl
athlete in school

and influences a lot of votes.

But I don't like her, Cathy.

She's rude to everybody
excepting the popular girls.

Well, at least be nice to
her till after the election.

And don't forget to tell her
how lovely she looks tomorrow.

I'll feel so hypocritical.

"You look lovely in
that dress, Cynthia."

Mary, if you want to win,

you'll have to forget
your personal feelings.

"You look lovely in
that dress, Cynthia."

Much better.

I'm coming!

Well, goodbye, Mary.

And don't forget what I said.

Goodbye, Cathy.

I'd sure like to
know what went on

in that cologne-filled
room upstairs.

Alex, I don't like what
Cathy's trying to do to Mary.

Oh, darling, Mary's not gonna
change all her values overnight.

Alex, I know that.

But I don't want winning to
become that important to her.

If you ask me, it's
a lot more important

to her campaign manager.

By getting a speaker on
some provocative subject,

we were hoping to build
the fathers' attendance

on assembly day.

It's rather a problem dragging
the fathers to school, isn't it?

I'm afraid that's just the
word some mothers use.

We were considering Dr. Markham.

- The child psychologist?
- Yes.

Oh, I think he'd be wonderful.

Well, we think so, too.

I've been wanting to give
you my congratulations

on Mary's nomination.

Well, thank you.

Naturally, I can't show a
preference for either candidate.

Well, I can't, either.

Mary hasn't presented
a platform yet.

Well, I'm sure it'll be
forthright and constructive.

They always are.

Well, as soon as we've
decided on a speaker,

I'll check with you.

Thanks for the
help, Mrs. Aldridge.

You're so welcome,
Mrs. Stone. Bye.

Oh, hi, Betsy.

Hello, Mrs. Stone. How are you?

Well, I'm fine, thank you.

I understand you're running
for class vice presidency.

I think that's wonderful.

Why, thank you, Mrs. Stone.

It's wonderful of you to say it,

considering Mary's the
one I'm running against.

Well, I haven't officially
endorsed Mary as yet.

Well, I don't really think I
have very much of a chance.

Well, why not? Mary
says you're ideal.

She's the one who thinks
she hasn't much of a chance.

But everybody likes
Mary, especially the boys.

She's so pretty.

Well, Betsy, you're so nice, I
almost wish that Mary loses.

Hello, Cathy.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Stone.
I was just leaving.

I have to get started on
this telephone campaign.

Telephone campaign?

Well, how does that work?

Oh, well, you see, I call
someone who owes me a favor

and ask them to vote for Mary.

And then they call someone
who owes them a favor and...

And if enough people are
indebted to enough other people,

Mary wins the election.

Well, we need every vote
we can get, Mrs. Stone.

After all, Betsy is
the kind of person

that nobody can really dislike.

I guess about the worst
thing you can say about her

is that she's just sort of blah.

What do you mean, "blah"?

Well, I'm only trying to help
Mary get elected, Mrs. Stone.

Oh, I know, Cathy.

But it's just a shame that
somebody has to lose.

Betsy's such a nice girl.

Too nice.

That's why we need this
last-minute phone campaign.

Mary!

Yes, Cathy?

Don't forget to wear
your two-piece green

to school tomorrow.

Okay, Cathy.

It makes her look sophisticated.

Well, I have to run.
Goodbye, Mrs. Stone.

Goodbye, Cathy.

Hello, Mother.

Hi, dear.

Mary, what in heaven's name
have you done to yourself?

It's Cathy's idea.

She says it changes
my personality.

Well, I don't deny that.

Cathy says if I'm a
little more sophisticated,

a little more forceful...

Mary, may I be
a little forceful?

Cathy calls it sophisticated.

I say it's ridiculous
for a girl your age

to get herself
done up like that.

My age?!

Mother, isn't it
time you realized

I'm not an infant anymore?

Remember, you're from
a different generation.

You're out of touch, where
Cathy has her finger on the pulse.

Mary, in case you're
interested, my pulse is pounding.

Calm down, Mother. Take
an aspirin or something.

Excuse me. I have a lot
of phone calls to make.

Well, your Svengali may
win you an election, but I'm...

I'm losing a daughter.

- Hi, honey.
- Hi.

Are you tired?

Tired?

I feel like I've
been away for days.

How are the kids?

Oh, fine.

You know, I almost
hope she loses.

- Who?
- Your daughter.

Oh.

I gather there's been some
development in the campaign.

Development?

Why, she's changed her
hair and her whole personality,

and all in the name
of good government.

And nobody says one word

about her qualifications
to fill the office.

Boy, you are new at politics.

Honey, don't you realize

that if she wins under
these circumstances,

it's a victory for all
the wrong things?

Honey, I give you my word.

I'm gonna forbid her
to go through with this

unless she changes her hair
and starts acting her own age.

No, you're not.

I'm not?

No.

Why?

Well, because a child who's
convinced against her will

hasn't learned anything.

But, Alex, supposing...

Darling, you know
as well as I do

there are times when
it's best not to interfere.

This is one of those times.
It's got to be Mary's decision.

But, Alex, I know that...

Donna, the only thing
we can do as parents

is to give our children
a set of values.

Then when they
have to make a choice

between what's right
and an easy victory,

we can only hope that
those values will guide them.

Well, I suppose you're right.

Hey, you better get to sleep.

Don't you have to work
at the clinic tomorrow?

But I don't think I'll
be able to go to sleep.

You know, Mary is pretty.

Do you remember
when she was born?

Yeah, I think I was around.

She was the sweetest
baby in the whole world.

I know. I saw the
birth certificate.

"Female baby. 6
pounds, 10 ounces.

Sweetest baby in the world."

You're just being kind to me.

No, I'm not.

Then please do.
I feel miserable.

Good night, darling.

Good morning, Mother.

Mary...

Honey, I'm late for the clinic.

Will you make sure that
Jeff eats his breakfast?

Well, yes, Mother, but I
have to study my speech.

I'm giving it this afternoon,
just before the kids vote.

Yes, I know.

I hope that
everything goes well.

Mother, you're behaving as if
I've done something dreadful.

Mary, you haven't
done anything dreadful.

You're a sweet,
sensible, intelligent girl.

I want you to win.

But I mean you, not as
some girl created by Cathy.

But, Mother, unless I follow
Cathy's advice, I'll never win.

Mary, do you realize
what you're saying?

You're saying that you can't
possibly win by being yourself,

that you've got to
be someone else.

Mother, I'm not a little girl.

And unless you forbid me...

Mary, I'm not
going to forbid you.

This is a decision
that you have to make.

I may not agree with
what you say or do.

But in this case, I
respect your right to do it.

That sounds like a
quotation, Mother.

Who said it?

Your father and some
other brilliant man.

Good luck, honey.

Hi, Cathy.

Wow.

I know at least five boys

who will switch their
votes when they see you.

Cathy, will they
be voting for me

because I wear my
hair up instead of down?

Mary, if I thought it
would get us more votes,

I'd make you wear
your hair sideways.

Well, goodbye, ladies. I'm
off to the little red schoolhouse.

Jeff, did you finish
your breakfast?

Yours and mine both.

And who appointed you my warden?

Well, arrivederci.

And do something
about that fright wig.

Mary, I have an idea
for your speech today.

I want you to say you'll try
to get more social dances

for our class.

Well, Cathy, I can't
tell the teachers

how many dances to have.

Well, I know you can't,
but it'll sound good.

Shall I say something
nice about dogs?

Mary, what's gotten into you?

I'm sorry, Cathy.

Well, I have to figure out
something with Cynthia.

She still hasn't even
decided how to vote.

I told that pill how
lovely she looked.

And she knew you didn't mean it.

But she'll make a deal to
have her gang vote for you

if you'll agree to support her

for class president
next semester.

I will not agree.

I know at least
five or six nice kids

who deserve it more than her.

Cynthia, president of our class.

Mary, do you want to
be class vice president?

Well, of course, Cathy.

But can't it happen
by just being myself?

Haven't we
discussed this before?

Betsy Cartwright

is just the type of
dull, studious little girl

that everyone thinks would
make a perfect class vice president.

Well, for you to win,

we have to promise favors
and do something dramatic.

Oh, that must be
Cynthia and her boyfriend.

I told them to pick us up.

You go on, Cathy.
I'll walk to school.

You'll be late.

Oh, Mary, what's with you?

I have to think, Cathy.

About what?

I don't know.

About what my father and
some other brilliant man,

whose name my mother
couldn't remember, said.

Oh, honest to goodness, Mary.

Goodbye, Cathy.

Come in. Oh, Mrs. Stone.

- Hello.
- Hello, Mrs. Aldridge.

I just wanted to report
that Dr. Markham

has agreed to
address the assembly.

Well, I'm delighted.

But I hope you didn't make
the trip over just for my approval.

Oh, no. I was in
the neighborhood.

Mrs. Aldridge, is
there a rule against...

Well, would it be all right if
I listened to the speeches?

Why, of course,

as long as you don't try
to influence the voters.

Oh, I promise.

I've only tried to influence
one of the candidates.

Good. Come with me. We
can watch from backstage.

Good.

And, in conclusion,

I'd like to say that if
I'm elected treasurer,

I promise to serve my class,
my school, my community,

and my nation to
the best of my ability.

Thank you.

And now the next candidate
for class treasurer...

George Haskell.

Thanks.

Well, I had a
speech, but Hank...

Hank over there said
everything I had written down.

So if I am elected, gosh,

I'll do my best and keep
all the promises he made.

All I have to say is, gosh,
if I ever run for office again,

I wish they'd let me
make my speech first.

Thank you very much.

And now I'd like to introduce
the first of the two candidates

for class vice
president... Mary Stone.

My, doesn't Mary
look pretty today?

Yes. Doesn't she?

Mr. Chairman, fellow students.

I want to thank you for the
great honor conferred upon me.

I know my opponent,
Betsy Cartwright, and I

are both aware of the
importance of this office.

Therefore in casting your vote,

I think there should only
be one consideration.

Choose the candidate
who, in your honest opinion,

is best qualified to be
vice president of our class.

Thank you.

Darling, come on, relax.

Don't you realize how much
courage it must have taken her

to defy her political mastermind
and make that speech?

I know, but I'm sure
she's heartbroken.

Here she comes.

How does she look?

She's dragging.

Jeff, you're gonna be nice and
understanding with your sister

until this crisis is over.

Don't worry about me, Pop.

Hi, honey.

Hi, Mother.

Hi, baby.

Hi, Daddy.

For she's a jolly good
fellow For she's a jolly good...

Jeff!

Honey, I thought
we'd go out to dinner

and maybe a movie afterwards.

And you can pick the
restaurant. How about a steak?

You can call off the
celebration, because I lost.

We know. That's
why we're celebrating.

You wanted me to lose?

No, honey. Nobody
wanted you to lose.

- Of course not.
- It was just that Mom...

Jeff!

For the next five minutes,
all I want from you is silence.

Honey, your mother was
at school this afternoon.

You did just what
we hoped you'd do.

You heard my speech?

I felt like cheering.

Well, I'm glad you liked
it. It lost me the election.

Well, that's just
the point, dear.

You may have lost,
but you really won.

What your mother
is trying to say is,

the end doesn't
justify the means.

Well, I'll take your
word for it, I guess.

Honey, tell us.

Why did you change your
mind at the last minute?

I don't know, Mother.

I decided it wasn't
me running for office.

It was Cathy.

If I did win, she'd go
right on bossing me...

Telling me what to wear,
who to like, and, well, all that.

It came to me all of a sudden.

The most important
person to like is yourself.

I know it doesn't
sound very modest,

but I kind of like
myself the way I am.

I'm not making very
much sense, am I?

Honey, you're making
wonderful sense.

You're saying what Daddy
and I were trying to say.

Only you're saying
it much better.

- Now can I say something?
- What?

Let's eat.