The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 1, Episode 25 - The Ideal Wife - full transcript
Donna comes to the conclusion that she's too nice for her own good. She decides to be more assertive to see what people think then.
Gentlemen, will you
please escort the ladies?
Well, dinnertime.
Everybody hungry?
If Lester talks
shop all evening,
I'm gonna have two
desserts and get fat.
That'll fix him.
Let's get even
and talk about hats.
Fine.
Ellen, will you sit over
there, please? Kate.
Lester, to my right. And Harry.
- Donna, may I?
- Yes.
Thank you.
- It's a beautiful table, Donna.
- Oh, lovely.
Lester.
Donna, why do hostesses
always separate husbands
and wives at dinner parties?
Well, that's because they work
very hard to make it a success.
Husbands and wives never
have anything to say to each other.
Well, I hope we get through
dinner without a phone call.
Lester has a patient who calls
every time we go somewhere.
Harry has one with
the same sixth sense.
She's spoiled at least 50 meals.
Well, we, too, serve
who sit and wait.
Now, there is an
understanding doctor's wife.
Donna, I must tell you,
you're the only hostess I know
who isn't ready
to fall on her sword
the minute the guests
sit down to dinner.
It's a cover-up.
Why, just before you arrived,
I was in the kitchen
throwing dishes.
She's really a terror.
You know, the kids are
upstairs in the closet, cowering.
Don't answer it.
Remember our Hippocratic oath.
That was written
on a full stomach.
Dr. Stone speaking.
Well, one of us is
gonna lose a husband.
Maybe it's just someone
who wants to know
what television
program we're watching.
It's Mrs. Tucker. She
always calls during the soup.
Nope. It's for me.
Mrs. Jenkins again.
She's only mildly hysterical,
but I better go anyway.
I'm sorry, dear.
You're sorry?
After working your
head off on this dinner?
I'd be ready to throw ashtrays.
Angel.
Please excuse me,
everyone, and eat slowly.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
Excuse me.
I'll get your coat, dear.
Mrs. Jenkins would
pick a night like this.
Here you are.
Thank you, darling.
- Drive carefully, now.
- I will.
Well, I'm sorry I spoiled
your dinner party.
Mrs. Jenkins.
Absolutely wonderful.
Here we are.
Donna, are you
sure we can't help?
Thanks, Ellen. The
dishes are stacked.
I'll do them in the morning.
Poor Alex. He's
probably starving by now.
There's a girl for you.
Not worrying a bit
about her dinner party.
Only concerned because
Alex has missed a meal.
Well, nobody's arguing.
Donna's wonderful.
You should see
her with the children.
Never raises her voice
and never screams at them.
Any mother who can get
through a day with children
without exploding is a saint.
Well, of course, I don't
believe in screaming.
A rubber hose is
just as effective,
and it doesn't leave any marks.
Excuse me.
Hi, honey.
Hi.
Have you been with the
Jenkins baby all this time?
No. I had to stop by the
hospital on the way home.
Well, come on in.
We're just having coffee.
Oh. Good.
Well, how'd it go, Doctor?
Oh, everything's fine.
A little wet out, though.
Sorry, everybody.
That's all right.
You're talking to a
long-suffering brethren.
I wonder why Mrs.
Tucker hasn't called.
She probably thinks
you're not enjoying yourself.
Alex, I saved you
some dinner. Shall I go...
Thanks, darling,
but I'm not hungry.
Mrs. Jenkins insisted
that I eat a sandwich.
Alex, we were just
talking about Donna.
And we've all
decided she's perfect.
Donna has her faults.
See? Tell them, dear.
Like what?
Well, she can't hit
left-handed pitching.
And I'm also very extravagant.
You extravagant?
Wait till Lester gets me home
and reminds me that I went
out and paid $90 for this dress
while you look twice as
good in something that...
Angel.
Too late, Lester.
In something that I've already
worn at least three times?
But, Donna, dear, you know
I intended it as a compliment.
I know, Kate. I'll get
some more coffee.
Good.
Well, I wouldn't be unhappy
if people said nice
things about me.
Oh, it could happen.
You must remember, Kate,
everybody can't be
as sweet as Donna.
Darling, is there anything
wrong with being a woman
who's understanding
about her husband's work?
Of course not.
But what they were trying to
say is that I'm a goody-goody,
brought up on Pollyanna
and Florence Nightingale.
Now, how did you arrive
at that interpretation?
Well, women are only
nice to other women
when they feel sorry for them.
They really envy another
woman, they slander her.
Now, that's a compliment.
Interesting psychology.
Alex, when people pour on
compliments like hot fudge,
they're insincere.
Darling, you're
gonna hate me for this,
but suppose I were to tell you
that you're an
intelligent mother,
you're an understanding wife,
and a sweet, wonderful person?
You wouldn't dare.
I take it all back.
You're a mean, ill-tempered,
nagging, petulant shrew.
Thank you.
Oh, hi, Mother. Which
dress should I wear?
Mary, where did the elephants
go after the stampede?
Oh, this. Well...
- Which one?
- Well, the blue.
- It's very pretty.
- Okay.
Mary, I want you to make the
bed and get this room fixed up.
I'll straighten it out
later, Mother, honest.
I wouldn't want to feel I had to
yell at you to get the bed made.
Mommy, you would never yell.
But, well, take Judy
Marshall's mother, for instance.
"Judy, if you don't clean
up this room this minute..."
Really, it's dreadful.
Well, maybe.
But I'll bet the bed gets made.
Oh, Mother, Judy is so unhappy.
Why? Does it depress
her to make the bed?
Well, Saturday afternoon,
Judy, Cathy, Marcia, and I
were supposed to go
downtown for lunch.
And, well, we were all planning
on wearing the same outfits...
You know, skirt and
cardigan sweater.
Well, Judy's mother won't
buy her a new cardigan.
Well, she probably has
some good reason, dear.
No, Judy's just being punished
because she
didn't do the dishes.
That reminds me, young lady,
you didn't do the
dishes last week, either.
There's the difference between
you and Judy Marshall's mother.
- It is?
- Well, of course.
My old cardigan is
much too small for me.
And you wouldn't refuse
to buy me a new one
just because I forgot
to do the dishes.
I wouldn't?
Well, no. That's why
you're so wonderful.
Imagine how poor Judy will
feel wearing an old pullover
while the rest of us are
wearing a brand-new cardigan.
I realize it'll probably
scar her psyche.
But remember,
dear, I didn't promise.
And I still want you
to fix up this room.
I'll straighten it
up later, Mother.
We're having a meeting
over at Marcia's house.
We're gonna decide what
shoes to wear on Saturday.
I love you, Mother.
I'm so lucky to have a
mother as sweet as you.
Mom!
Where are you, Mom?
Mom!
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Jeff.
That stroll through the
kitchen make you hungry?
If I slowed up a little, maybe I
could make myself a sandwich.
If you do that, that'll
take all the fun out of it.
Mom, the fellas are meeting
at our house tomorrow.
- You got the stuff?
- I certainly have.
And you owe me $1.75.
You're a doll, Mom.
Put it on my account, and I'll
pay you out of my inheritance.
Now, let's not rush things.
Come on, get back here.
You know, you're
supposed to earn the money
to pay for those refreshments.
Your father asked
you to wash the car
and clean up the
leaves in the backyard.
I'll do it twice next time.
Wait a minute. Those
leaves are raked.
Your fairy godmother
did it for you.
- Well, I said you were a doll.
- I'm also sweet.
When I think of what I could
have gotten for a mother,
like Eddie Barkley's.
Oh, is she a screamer?
Worse.
She's a toe tapper.
"Edward, if you don't rake
that yard this very minute, I'll..."
Poor Eddie.
Stop feeling sorry
for Eddie Barkley.
Now, look, you've saved $2.
I want to be paid.
But I was saving
that for a purpose.
What purpose?
Well, I wasn't gonna tell you.
But there's this locket
in the jeweler's window.
It's got a diamond in it.
A diamond?
Oh, sounds very expensive.
Only $29.95.
But it's worth working
for to see it on you.
$29.95?
Terribly extravagant.
But a very nice thought.
All right, I'll lay out
the money for you,
but just this once.
You're the greatest, Mom.
I'll wash the car tomorrow.
No wonder all the
fellas think you're the...
Oh. Don't say it.
Well, I mean it.
If I had a mother
like Eddie Barkley's,
I don't know what I'd do.
I can tell you.
You'd keep the backyard clean.
Donna?
Oh.
Will you be going downtown
anywhere near the X-ray lab?
Oh, well, I wasn't, but...
Thank you, darling.
There's some X-rays I'll
be needing in about an hour.
All right, I'll pick them up.
Something wrong?
No.
But I have a feeling
I've just been taken
by a couple of city
slickers... Our children.
Well, you've got to
be firm with children.
Darling, are we supposed to
do anything Tuesday night?
I told you about it.
The Players' Ring is putting
on "Death of a Salesman."
Oh, my gosh, and I
promised Dr. Raven
we'd go to his
house Tuesday night.
But Tuesday's the
last performance.
Couldn't you explain it to him?
Well, what'll I tell him?
You know how touchy
he is about these things.
Besides, he's showing a
film of a gall-bladder operation.
Look, honey, I know how
important this is to you.
But "Death of a Salesman"
won a Pulitzer prize.
I know, darling,
and I want to see it,
but I promised Dr. Raven.
Besides, the gall-bladder
operation is in color.
Sounds terribly exciting.
All right, honey, if it's
important to you, we'll go.
Thank you, dear.
We'll see "Death of a
Salesman" next time they do it.
I'll be needing those X-rays.
Oh, darling, remind me someday
to tell you what it's like
to be married to an angel.
Hello, Mrs. Stone.
Hello, Mac. How are you?
Oh, I'm dry.
- There you are.
- Oh, do you mind?
- No. In the refridge.
- Thanks.
What a day.
Women customers.
Oh, I'm sorry.
There are women,
and there are women.
- What's the difference?
- Night and day.
A pounding drum or a violin.
Do you know what I always
say to the missus about you?
I'm almost afraid to ask.
I said, "If the house
burned down...
Worse yet, if your husband
ran off with another woman,
you'd still have a
smile on your face."
Well, you know,
today I think I would.
Oh, Mac, did you
forget my gray dress?
Gosh, I must have
left it at the plant.
I was gonna wear it tonight.
Wear another dress.
Believe me, you'd look
good in a burlap sack.
Well, I left my burlap
sack at the laundry.
- You couldn't...
- I'm sorry.
I'd have to make a trip all
the way back to the plant.
Never mind.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Stone.
- Of course, If you...
- No, it's unimportant.
Forget about it.
Do you know what it means
to have a customer like you?
The other women would
make me chase up and back.
But like I always
say to the missus,
"If you want to meet a sweet
woman, that's Mrs. Stone."
So long.
Mac.
Yes, Mrs. Stone?
I really need
that dress tonight.
I want it delivered today.
Like I told you, I'd have
to make a special trip.
Mac, I'm sorry. I
want that dress today.
Well, you're the customer,
but I got to tell you,
Mrs. Stone,
you're not like this.
I know.
But I'm going to be.
Mary, you didn't make
your bed again this morning.
I had some phone calls
to make. I'll make it later.
Not later, Mary. Now.
Mother, will you have time
to go downtown with me
and pick out the new cardigan
and a new pair of shoes?
The girls decided
that we should have...
I want you to go upstairs
and make that bed now.
I'll make it, Mother.
If you could have seen
poor Judy when her...
If you don't get upstairs and
make that bed this instant...
Oh, Mother!
Mother, what?
You sounded just like
Judy Marshall's mother.
I'm sure that Mrs. Marshall
started out whispering
and ended up shouting.
Now, if that's the only
way I can get you...
I'm going.
And I wouldn't count
on a new cardigan
or new shoes or new anything!
Jeff!
What's up, Mom?
You sound like me.
I thought you were going to do
a couple of things for me today.
Yeah, Mom, but you see,
I got a call from Eddie...
An emergency... and I
had to rush right over there.
And after that, Zack
broke the sprocket on his...
Jeff, I don't want
the story of your life.
I just want some work done.
Mom, a fella's
got responsibilities.
When my...
If you don't get out there
this instant and do as I ask...
Eddie's mother.
And furthermore,
I want the $1.75 you owe
me for the refreshments.
But I was gonna buy that locket.
Don't turn my head
with diamonds.
Just go get the money.
I'm going.
Boy, how a fella's life
can blow up overnight!
Hi, darling.
Oh, by the way, I left a
golf club at McHenry's.
No!
No... a new word
in my vocabulary.
Darling, it clashes
with your personality,
your sunny disposition.
I know. I'm changing that, too.
Because of my
celebrated sweetness,
I have been used,
victimized, and exploited
by two dimpled darlings
and a husband who would
rather see a film on kidney stones
than a Pulitzer prize play.
- The gall bladder.
- Gall bladder!
Who cares?! I've
seen one in color.
Darling, I promise you, as
long as I'm head of the family,
the word "sweet" will never
be used in this house again.
Mom, here's the $1.75.
Daddy, what's wrong with Mother?
She's like another woman.
I don't even recognize her.
You know, I saw a vampire
picture the other night.
This nice woman suddenly
grew fangs... big, long...
Let's not get lurid.
She's as bad as Judy
Marshall's mother.
I was always so proud
of her. She was so sweet.
Hold it.
I promised we'd never
use that word again.
- What word?
- Sweet.
Daddy, what's wrong
with being sweet?
Nothing, normally,
except to your mother.
It's like a new antibiotic.
She reacts violently.
When the rest of the
family was sleeping,
this vampire woman
got a harpoon and...
All right.
Now, look, kids.
Even though your mother is
behaving a little abnormally,
she feels justified
in what she's doing.
Pop's scared of her, too.
Jeff, you're not too old
for a whacking, you know.
My whole life has collapsed.
Now, look, kids.
I've known your
mother for a long time.
She's a reasonable,
sensible woman.
And I'm sure that her
calm, good judgment...
Mary, upstairs this minute.
Jeff, get out there and get to
work on that backyard right now!
What were you saying, Dad?
Oh, good morning, Mother.
Good morning, Mary.
Well!
I thought I'd arrange all my
things in different drawers...
You know, socks and sweaters.
That's a very good idea.
I cleaned my white shoes.
Oh, fine.
I thought I'd arrange all my
clothes according to season.
Oh. That's a very good idea.
That way, you don't wear
sunback dresses in December.
Thank you, Mother.
Weren't you going over
to Marcia's this morning?
Well, I thought I'd wipe all
the venetian blinds instead.
Oh.
Have you seen Jeff?
I think he's out
in the backyard.
Did Zack find you?
He was looking for you.
Yeah, I saw him.
The fellas were gonna
go play some soccer.
Oh, well, why don't you join
them when you get through here?
No, I got too much work
to do around the house.
Like what?
Well, I thought maybe
I'd paint the back gate.
It was just painted last month.
Would you like it another color?
No, dear, this will do for now.
I'll find something to do.
- Hi, darling.
- Hi.
I called Dr. Raven
and told him we were going
to the play Tuesday night.
Oh? How'd he take it?
Well, you know Dr. Raven.
He grunted a little.
Well, maybe we should
go and see the film.
Honey, we can't pass
up a Pulitzer prize play
to see a gall-bladder operation.
When Dr. Raven
wins the Nobel Prize,
then we'll go to see his film.
- I've got a patient.
- All right, dear.
Come in.
Good morning, Mrs. Stone.
Good morning, Mac.
I think you'll find
everything shipshape.
There was a spot
on Dr. Stone's cuff.
- I had them clean it over again.
- Thank you very much.
My job.
I put a rush on the blue skirt.
I thought you might need it.
Oh, you didn't have to do that.
A customer is a customer.
They expect service,
I give it to them.
Goodbye, Mrs. Stone,
and thank you for your
continued patronage.
Well, you're welcome, Mac.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Mac?
Yes, Mrs. Stone?
About the gray
dress the other day.
It was an emergency.
I'm sorry.
There's nothing
to be sorry about.
You're the customer.
You wanted it.
So I made that long
trip up and back.
So dinner was cold.
Women customers, huh?
Look, Mrs. Stone, I only
drive a cleaning truck.
I'm not a psychiatrist.
But a woman's unhappy, she
has to take it out on someone.
Why not the cleaning man?
Well, I was very annoyed.
I knew it.
I told the wife.
I said, "If Mrs. Stone ruined
my supper, there's a reason."
Well, that was very
nice of you, Mac.
But it must have been
something very serious for you to...
The doctor didn't...
Oh, no.
It's hard to explain.
It was as if everyone was
taking advantage of me.
And suddenly, I just had
to take a stand somewhere.
Unfortunately, it was with you.
What about the children?
Oh, I took a stand
with them, too.
A very firm one.
But you're not happy
the way it turned out?
Well, I made my point.
But really, I lost something.
Look, Mrs. Stone,
I'm not a philosopher.
I only drive a cleaning truck.
Do you mind if I speak up?
Go ahead.
Everybody has to
be what they are.
You tried to be
something you're not.
It worked, so you're unhappy.
You're more of a philosopher
than you think, Mac.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
You're welcome, Mrs. Stone.
Let's see.
Oh, Mac, I just...
- No, it's all right.
- What's wrong?
Just the brown skirt.
It's perfectly all right.
I can go to the
plant and pick it up.
I don't wear it
anymore. Please don't.
Are you sure?
I've never been more
certain of anything in my life.
Like I always say to the missus,
there are women,
and there are women.
Bye, Mrs. Stone.
Goodbye, Mac.
Lamb curry.
What's the occasion?
Well, does it have
to be an occasion
for a wife to cook her
husband's favorite dish?
No.
No, of course not.
Mother, I just found
this cardigan in my room.
Thank you so much.
I'm glad you like it.
Well, your room
looked very neat today.
Mom, I found that $1.75
back in the cigar box.
- Did you put it there?
- Yes, I did, but you earned it.
And besides, I was thinking
of the diamond locket.
Well, the revolution is over
and the people can now
return to their peaceful lives.
Mom's back in the groove.
Now, wait a minute.
Just because I relented,
that doesn't mean that we're all
going back to our slovenly ways.
- You understand that?
- Yes, Mother.
Sure thing, Mom.
All right. You go on
upstairs and get washed up.
Dinner will be in five minutes.
Okay.
What are you smirking at?
Who, me?
I was loyal to you
through both regimes.
Alex?
Yes, dear?
I've been thinking.
Dr. Raven has done such
wonderful things for 45 years.
And he's terribly fond of you.
I think we ought to go
see his kidney picture.
Gall bladder.
No, darling. We'll
go see the play.
He understands.
- But I really mean it.
- Of course you do.
You gave Jeff back his money.
You got Mary her sweater.
But if you go see
that film with me,
somebody's liable
to think you're sweet.
And I can't go through
another revolution.
Well, what's wrong
with being sweet?
Just don't ever
say it in public.
It'll be our secret.
please escort the ladies?
Well, dinnertime.
Everybody hungry?
If Lester talks
shop all evening,
I'm gonna have two
desserts and get fat.
That'll fix him.
Let's get even
and talk about hats.
Fine.
Ellen, will you sit over
there, please? Kate.
Lester, to my right. And Harry.
- Donna, may I?
- Yes.
Thank you.
- It's a beautiful table, Donna.
- Oh, lovely.
Lester.
Donna, why do hostesses
always separate husbands
and wives at dinner parties?
Well, that's because they work
very hard to make it a success.
Husbands and wives never
have anything to say to each other.
Well, I hope we get through
dinner without a phone call.
Lester has a patient who calls
every time we go somewhere.
Harry has one with
the same sixth sense.
She's spoiled at least 50 meals.
Well, we, too, serve
who sit and wait.
Now, there is an
understanding doctor's wife.
Donna, I must tell you,
you're the only hostess I know
who isn't ready
to fall on her sword
the minute the guests
sit down to dinner.
It's a cover-up.
Why, just before you arrived,
I was in the kitchen
throwing dishes.
She's really a terror.
You know, the kids are
upstairs in the closet, cowering.
Don't answer it.
Remember our Hippocratic oath.
That was written
on a full stomach.
Dr. Stone speaking.
Well, one of us is
gonna lose a husband.
Maybe it's just someone
who wants to know
what television
program we're watching.
It's Mrs. Tucker. She
always calls during the soup.
Nope. It's for me.
Mrs. Jenkins again.
She's only mildly hysterical,
but I better go anyway.
I'm sorry, dear.
You're sorry?
After working your
head off on this dinner?
I'd be ready to throw ashtrays.
Angel.
Please excuse me,
everyone, and eat slowly.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
Excuse me.
I'll get your coat, dear.
Mrs. Jenkins would
pick a night like this.
Here you are.
Thank you, darling.
- Drive carefully, now.
- I will.
Well, I'm sorry I spoiled
your dinner party.
Mrs. Jenkins.
Absolutely wonderful.
Here we are.
Donna, are you
sure we can't help?
Thanks, Ellen. The
dishes are stacked.
I'll do them in the morning.
Poor Alex. He's
probably starving by now.
There's a girl for you.
Not worrying a bit
about her dinner party.
Only concerned because
Alex has missed a meal.
Well, nobody's arguing.
Donna's wonderful.
You should see
her with the children.
Never raises her voice
and never screams at them.
Any mother who can get
through a day with children
without exploding is a saint.
Well, of course, I don't
believe in screaming.
A rubber hose is
just as effective,
and it doesn't leave any marks.
Excuse me.
Hi, honey.
Hi.
Have you been with the
Jenkins baby all this time?
No. I had to stop by the
hospital on the way home.
Well, come on in.
We're just having coffee.
Oh. Good.
Well, how'd it go, Doctor?
Oh, everything's fine.
A little wet out, though.
Sorry, everybody.
That's all right.
You're talking to a
long-suffering brethren.
I wonder why Mrs.
Tucker hasn't called.
She probably thinks
you're not enjoying yourself.
Alex, I saved you
some dinner. Shall I go...
Thanks, darling,
but I'm not hungry.
Mrs. Jenkins insisted
that I eat a sandwich.
Alex, we were just
talking about Donna.
And we've all
decided she's perfect.
Donna has her faults.
See? Tell them, dear.
Like what?
Well, she can't hit
left-handed pitching.
And I'm also very extravagant.
You extravagant?
Wait till Lester gets me home
and reminds me that I went
out and paid $90 for this dress
while you look twice as
good in something that...
Angel.
Too late, Lester.
In something that I've already
worn at least three times?
But, Donna, dear, you know
I intended it as a compliment.
I know, Kate. I'll get
some more coffee.
Good.
Well, I wouldn't be unhappy
if people said nice
things about me.
Oh, it could happen.
You must remember, Kate,
everybody can't be
as sweet as Donna.
Darling, is there anything
wrong with being a woman
who's understanding
about her husband's work?
Of course not.
But what they were trying to
say is that I'm a goody-goody,
brought up on Pollyanna
and Florence Nightingale.
Now, how did you arrive
at that interpretation?
Well, women are only
nice to other women
when they feel sorry for them.
They really envy another
woman, they slander her.
Now, that's a compliment.
Interesting psychology.
Alex, when people pour on
compliments like hot fudge,
they're insincere.
Darling, you're
gonna hate me for this,
but suppose I were to tell you
that you're an
intelligent mother,
you're an understanding wife,
and a sweet, wonderful person?
You wouldn't dare.
I take it all back.
You're a mean, ill-tempered,
nagging, petulant shrew.
Thank you.
Oh, hi, Mother. Which
dress should I wear?
Mary, where did the elephants
go after the stampede?
Oh, this. Well...
- Which one?
- Well, the blue.
- It's very pretty.
- Okay.
Mary, I want you to make the
bed and get this room fixed up.
I'll straighten it out
later, Mother, honest.
I wouldn't want to feel I had to
yell at you to get the bed made.
Mommy, you would never yell.
But, well, take Judy
Marshall's mother, for instance.
"Judy, if you don't clean
up this room this minute..."
Really, it's dreadful.
Well, maybe.
But I'll bet the bed gets made.
Oh, Mother, Judy is so unhappy.
Why? Does it depress
her to make the bed?
Well, Saturday afternoon,
Judy, Cathy, Marcia, and I
were supposed to go
downtown for lunch.
And, well, we were all planning
on wearing the same outfits...
You know, skirt and
cardigan sweater.
Well, Judy's mother won't
buy her a new cardigan.
Well, she probably has
some good reason, dear.
No, Judy's just being punished
because she
didn't do the dishes.
That reminds me, young lady,
you didn't do the
dishes last week, either.
There's the difference between
you and Judy Marshall's mother.
- It is?
- Well, of course.
My old cardigan is
much too small for me.
And you wouldn't refuse
to buy me a new one
just because I forgot
to do the dishes.
I wouldn't?
Well, no. That's why
you're so wonderful.
Imagine how poor Judy will
feel wearing an old pullover
while the rest of us are
wearing a brand-new cardigan.
I realize it'll probably
scar her psyche.
But remember,
dear, I didn't promise.
And I still want you
to fix up this room.
I'll straighten it
up later, Mother.
We're having a meeting
over at Marcia's house.
We're gonna decide what
shoes to wear on Saturday.
I love you, Mother.
I'm so lucky to have a
mother as sweet as you.
Mom!
Where are you, Mom?
Mom!
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Jeff.
That stroll through the
kitchen make you hungry?
If I slowed up a little, maybe I
could make myself a sandwich.
If you do that, that'll
take all the fun out of it.
Mom, the fellas are meeting
at our house tomorrow.
- You got the stuff?
- I certainly have.
And you owe me $1.75.
You're a doll, Mom.
Put it on my account, and I'll
pay you out of my inheritance.
Now, let's not rush things.
Come on, get back here.
You know, you're
supposed to earn the money
to pay for those refreshments.
Your father asked
you to wash the car
and clean up the
leaves in the backyard.
I'll do it twice next time.
Wait a minute. Those
leaves are raked.
Your fairy godmother
did it for you.
- Well, I said you were a doll.
- I'm also sweet.
When I think of what I could
have gotten for a mother,
like Eddie Barkley's.
Oh, is she a screamer?
Worse.
She's a toe tapper.
"Edward, if you don't rake
that yard this very minute, I'll..."
Poor Eddie.
Stop feeling sorry
for Eddie Barkley.
Now, look, you've saved $2.
I want to be paid.
But I was saving
that for a purpose.
What purpose?
Well, I wasn't gonna tell you.
But there's this locket
in the jeweler's window.
It's got a diamond in it.
A diamond?
Oh, sounds very expensive.
Only $29.95.
But it's worth working
for to see it on you.
$29.95?
Terribly extravagant.
But a very nice thought.
All right, I'll lay out
the money for you,
but just this once.
You're the greatest, Mom.
I'll wash the car tomorrow.
No wonder all the
fellas think you're the...
Oh. Don't say it.
Well, I mean it.
If I had a mother
like Eddie Barkley's,
I don't know what I'd do.
I can tell you.
You'd keep the backyard clean.
Donna?
Oh.
Will you be going downtown
anywhere near the X-ray lab?
Oh, well, I wasn't, but...
Thank you, darling.
There's some X-rays I'll
be needing in about an hour.
All right, I'll pick them up.
Something wrong?
No.
But I have a feeling
I've just been taken
by a couple of city
slickers... Our children.
Well, you've got to
be firm with children.
Darling, are we supposed to
do anything Tuesday night?
I told you about it.
The Players' Ring is putting
on "Death of a Salesman."
Oh, my gosh, and I
promised Dr. Raven
we'd go to his
house Tuesday night.
But Tuesday's the
last performance.
Couldn't you explain it to him?
Well, what'll I tell him?
You know how touchy
he is about these things.
Besides, he's showing a
film of a gall-bladder operation.
Look, honey, I know how
important this is to you.
But "Death of a Salesman"
won a Pulitzer prize.
I know, darling,
and I want to see it,
but I promised Dr. Raven.
Besides, the gall-bladder
operation is in color.
Sounds terribly exciting.
All right, honey, if it's
important to you, we'll go.
Thank you, dear.
We'll see "Death of a
Salesman" next time they do it.
I'll be needing those X-rays.
Oh, darling, remind me someday
to tell you what it's like
to be married to an angel.
Hello, Mrs. Stone.
Hello, Mac. How are you?
Oh, I'm dry.
- There you are.
- Oh, do you mind?
- No. In the refridge.
- Thanks.
What a day.
Women customers.
Oh, I'm sorry.
There are women,
and there are women.
- What's the difference?
- Night and day.
A pounding drum or a violin.
Do you know what I always
say to the missus about you?
I'm almost afraid to ask.
I said, "If the house
burned down...
Worse yet, if your husband
ran off with another woman,
you'd still have a
smile on your face."
Well, you know,
today I think I would.
Oh, Mac, did you
forget my gray dress?
Gosh, I must have
left it at the plant.
I was gonna wear it tonight.
Wear another dress.
Believe me, you'd look
good in a burlap sack.
Well, I left my burlap
sack at the laundry.
- You couldn't...
- I'm sorry.
I'd have to make a trip all
the way back to the plant.
Never mind.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Stone.
- Of course, If you...
- No, it's unimportant.
Forget about it.
Do you know what it means
to have a customer like you?
The other women would
make me chase up and back.
But like I always
say to the missus,
"If you want to meet a sweet
woman, that's Mrs. Stone."
So long.
Mac.
Yes, Mrs. Stone?
I really need
that dress tonight.
I want it delivered today.
Like I told you, I'd have
to make a special trip.
Mac, I'm sorry. I
want that dress today.
Well, you're the customer,
but I got to tell you,
Mrs. Stone,
you're not like this.
I know.
But I'm going to be.
Mary, you didn't make
your bed again this morning.
I had some phone calls
to make. I'll make it later.
Not later, Mary. Now.
Mother, will you have time
to go downtown with me
and pick out the new cardigan
and a new pair of shoes?
The girls decided
that we should have...
I want you to go upstairs
and make that bed now.
I'll make it, Mother.
If you could have seen
poor Judy when her...
If you don't get upstairs and
make that bed this instant...
Oh, Mother!
Mother, what?
You sounded just like
Judy Marshall's mother.
I'm sure that Mrs. Marshall
started out whispering
and ended up shouting.
Now, if that's the only
way I can get you...
I'm going.
And I wouldn't count
on a new cardigan
or new shoes or new anything!
Jeff!
What's up, Mom?
You sound like me.
I thought you were going to do
a couple of things for me today.
Yeah, Mom, but you see,
I got a call from Eddie...
An emergency... and I
had to rush right over there.
And after that, Zack
broke the sprocket on his...
Jeff, I don't want
the story of your life.
I just want some work done.
Mom, a fella's
got responsibilities.
When my...
If you don't get out there
this instant and do as I ask...
Eddie's mother.
And furthermore,
I want the $1.75 you owe
me for the refreshments.
But I was gonna buy that locket.
Don't turn my head
with diamonds.
Just go get the money.
I'm going.
Boy, how a fella's life
can blow up overnight!
Hi, darling.
Oh, by the way, I left a
golf club at McHenry's.
No!
No... a new word
in my vocabulary.
Darling, it clashes
with your personality,
your sunny disposition.
I know. I'm changing that, too.
Because of my
celebrated sweetness,
I have been used,
victimized, and exploited
by two dimpled darlings
and a husband who would
rather see a film on kidney stones
than a Pulitzer prize play.
- The gall bladder.
- Gall bladder!
Who cares?! I've
seen one in color.
Darling, I promise you, as
long as I'm head of the family,
the word "sweet" will never
be used in this house again.
Mom, here's the $1.75.
Daddy, what's wrong with Mother?
She's like another woman.
I don't even recognize her.
You know, I saw a vampire
picture the other night.
This nice woman suddenly
grew fangs... big, long...
Let's not get lurid.
She's as bad as Judy
Marshall's mother.
I was always so proud
of her. She was so sweet.
Hold it.
I promised we'd never
use that word again.
- What word?
- Sweet.
Daddy, what's wrong
with being sweet?
Nothing, normally,
except to your mother.
It's like a new antibiotic.
She reacts violently.
When the rest of the
family was sleeping,
this vampire woman
got a harpoon and...
All right.
Now, look, kids.
Even though your mother is
behaving a little abnormally,
she feels justified
in what she's doing.
Pop's scared of her, too.
Jeff, you're not too old
for a whacking, you know.
My whole life has collapsed.
Now, look, kids.
I've known your
mother for a long time.
She's a reasonable,
sensible woman.
And I'm sure that her
calm, good judgment...
Mary, upstairs this minute.
Jeff, get out there and get to
work on that backyard right now!
What were you saying, Dad?
Oh, good morning, Mother.
Good morning, Mary.
Well!
I thought I'd arrange all my
things in different drawers...
You know, socks and sweaters.
That's a very good idea.
I cleaned my white shoes.
Oh, fine.
I thought I'd arrange all my
clothes according to season.
Oh. That's a very good idea.
That way, you don't wear
sunback dresses in December.
Thank you, Mother.
Weren't you going over
to Marcia's this morning?
Well, I thought I'd wipe all
the venetian blinds instead.
Oh.
Have you seen Jeff?
I think he's out
in the backyard.
Did Zack find you?
He was looking for you.
Yeah, I saw him.
The fellas were gonna
go play some soccer.
Oh, well, why don't you join
them when you get through here?
No, I got too much work
to do around the house.
Like what?
Well, I thought maybe
I'd paint the back gate.
It was just painted last month.
Would you like it another color?
No, dear, this will do for now.
I'll find something to do.
- Hi, darling.
- Hi.
I called Dr. Raven
and told him we were going
to the play Tuesday night.
Oh? How'd he take it?
Well, you know Dr. Raven.
He grunted a little.
Well, maybe we should
go and see the film.
Honey, we can't pass
up a Pulitzer prize play
to see a gall-bladder operation.
When Dr. Raven
wins the Nobel Prize,
then we'll go to see his film.
- I've got a patient.
- All right, dear.
Come in.
Good morning, Mrs. Stone.
Good morning, Mac.
I think you'll find
everything shipshape.
There was a spot
on Dr. Stone's cuff.
- I had them clean it over again.
- Thank you very much.
My job.
I put a rush on the blue skirt.
I thought you might need it.
Oh, you didn't have to do that.
A customer is a customer.
They expect service,
I give it to them.
Goodbye, Mrs. Stone,
and thank you for your
continued patronage.
Well, you're welcome, Mac.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Mac?
Yes, Mrs. Stone?
About the gray
dress the other day.
It was an emergency.
I'm sorry.
There's nothing
to be sorry about.
You're the customer.
You wanted it.
So I made that long
trip up and back.
So dinner was cold.
Women customers, huh?
Look, Mrs. Stone, I only
drive a cleaning truck.
I'm not a psychiatrist.
But a woman's unhappy, she
has to take it out on someone.
Why not the cleaning man?
Well, I was very annoyed.
I knew it.
I told the wife.
I said, "If Mrs. Stone ruined
my supper, there's a reason."
Well, that was very
nice of you, Mac.
But it must have been
something very serious for you to...
The doctor didn't...
Oh, no.
It's hard to explain.
It was as if everyone was
taking advantage of me.
And suddenly, I just had
to take a stand somewhere.
Unfortunately, it was with you.
What about the children?
Oh, I took a stand
with them, too.
A very firm one.
But you're not happy
the way it turned out?
Well, I made my point.
But really, I lost something.
Look, Mrs. Stone,
I'm not a philosopher.
I only drive a cleaning truck.
Do you mind if I speak up?
Go ahead.
Everybody has to
be what they are.
You tried to be
something you're not.
It worked, so you're unhappy.
You're more of a philosopher
than you think, Mac.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
You're welcome, Mrs. Stone.
Let's see.
Oh, Mac, I just...
- No, it's all right.
- What's wrong?
Just the brown skirt.
It's perfectly all right.
I can go to the
plant and pick it up.
I don't wear it
anymore. Please don't.
Are you sure?
I've never been more
certain of anything in my life.
Like I always say to the missus,
there are women,
and there are women.
Bye, Mrs. Stone.
Goodbye, Mac.
Lamb curry.
What's the occasion?
Well, does it have
to be an occasion
for a wife to cook her
husband's favorite dish?
No.
No, of course not.
Mother, I just found
this cardigan in my room.
Thank you so much.
I'm glad you like it.
Well, your room
looked very neat today.
Mom, I found that $1.75
back in the cigar box.
- Did you put it there?
- Yes, I did, but you earned it.
And besides, I was thinking
of the diamond locket.
Well, the revolution is over
and the people can now
return to their peaceful lives.
Mom's back in the groove.
Now, wait a minute.
Just because I relented,
that doesn't mean that we're all
going back to our slovenly ways.
- You understand that?
- Yes, Mother.
Sure thing, Mom.
All right. You go on
upstairs and get washed up.
Dinner will be in five minutes.
Okay.
What are you smirking at?
Who, me?
I was loyal to you
through both regimes.
Alex?
Yes, dear?
I've been thinking.
Dr. Raven has done such
wonderful things for 45 years.
And he's terribly fond of you.
I think we ought to go
see his kidney picture.
Gall bladder.
No, darling. We'll
go see the play.
He understands.
- But I really mean it.
- Of course you do.
You gave Jeff back his money.
You got Mary her sweater.
But if you go see
that film with me,
somebody's liable
to think you're sweet.
And I can't go through
another revolution.
Well, what's wrong
with being sweet?
Just don't ever
say it in public.
It'll be our secret.