The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 1, Episode 20 - Have Fun - full transcript
Mary thinks her first date with Herbie was a disaster until she hears how her parents first date went.
Oh, Mother, I look awful.
You don't look
awful. You look lovely.
I hate the way I look.
I hate my face. I hate
everything about me.
Nonsense. What's
wrong with your face?
I don't know.
It doesn't look like me.
Well, now, can you think of
one that looks more like you?
Well, maybe it looks
too much like me.
Honestly, if I met myself
coming down the street,
I wouldn't even
look at me twice.
Naturally. You're not a boy.
Here, try this on.
Boys want somebody
with personality,
not somebody who's just blah.
Who says that you are?
Mother, the phone.
Get the phone!
Jeff, are you down there?
Will you answer that?
Okay, Mom, I'll get it.
I think I'll take an aspirin.
Or will that just
make me jittery?
Mary, will you stop it?
You've been out
with boys before.
Yes, but not with
Herbie Shields.
Well, what's so special
about Harvey Shields?
Herbie Shields.
I've hardly even met him.
He's two classes ahead of me.
Well, Daddy's older than I am.
Well, yes, but
Herbie's such a brain.
He goes around with a
slide rule in his pocket.
And anything I say, he's
just gonna know I'm a moron.
Honey, if he's a brain, feel
flattered that he asked you out.
But he didn't ask me out.
It was Babs who
arranged the whole thing.
She had this date with
Tooey, and Tooey asked her
if she could find another
girl to go out with Herbie
because, well, Herbie
doesn't like many girls.
So Babs thought of me.
Oh, thank goodness
it's a double date.
I got news for you.
Babs has got the hives.
The hives?
Yep. So she can't
go out tonight.
She called off Tooey.
But Herbie, he's coming here
to pick you up at 8:00 sharp.
8:00?
Mother, my watch has
stopped. Could you fix it?
Just me and Herbie alone?
That's about the size of it.
Have fun.
Mother, what will I do?
What will I say?
Oh, honey, don't worry about
it. You'll think of something.
I'll die. I'll just die.
No, you won't.
Mother, are hives catching?
Of course not.
I think I itch.
Darling, you look just lovely.
Alex, doesn't she look lovely?
Beautiful.
Turn around, honey.
Jeff, isn't she pretty?
You look pretty good, for you.
Oh, thanks a lot, Jeff.
Mother, does my slip show?
No, not now.
If you keep tugging
at those straps...
Look, honey, everything's
going to be all right.
Alex, doesn't she look lovely?
Lovely.
Alex, what are you reading?
A medical journal. Why?
Could you take just a moment
to look at your daughter?
I just said she
looked beautiful.
I know, but don't just say it.
What's all the frenzy about?
She's going out
with Herbie Shields.
So?
Well, Daddy, we're
going out alone.
I don't even know Herbie.
Well, then, why are
you going out with him?
Oh.
Alex, will you just read and
not say anything, please?
I'll be glad to.
It must be near 8:00.
Why doesn't he come?
It's 10 minutes of 8:00.
Are you sure this
looks all right?
Maybe I should have
worn a skirt and blouse.
It looks just fine.
Oh, Jeff, do you have
to lie all over the place?
Who's lying all over the place?
- Jeff, get up.
- What for?
You heard your mother. Get
up. Go and do your homework.
The teacher didn't give
us any homework tonight.
Do tomorrow night's homework.
You folks certainly know how
to make a fella feel at home.
"Get up! Clear out!
Get lost! Evaporate!"
Honey, for heaven's sake,
come back here and sit down.
You don't want Herbie
to find you at the door.
- Where are you going?
- I've changed my mind.
I'm gonna put on
the skirt and blouse.
I thought we agreed...
Oh, that poor child.
I know exactly how she feels.
I'm so nervous myself.
Sweetheart, relax.
It's her date, not yours.
They'll go out. They'll
have a nice time.
And tomorrow, all this
hysteria will be forgotten.
Oh, you're right. It's silly.
What am I worrying about?
She's pretty. She's intelligent.
She'll do fine.
Ridiculous to
get upset like this.
Jeff, get back to your room.
I just want to see
this mastermind.
Go back up to your room!
Mary, your skirt.
Well, good evening.
Good evening.
Is Mary around?
Well, she'll be down
in just a few minutes.
You're Herbie
Shields, I presume?
That's right.
Well, I'm Mary's mother.
How do you do?
Won't you come in?
Alex, dear.
Alex, this is Herbie Shields.
Well, how do you do?
Mother!
Excuse me.
Haste makes waste.
Well, Harvey, come
on in. Sit down.
Thank you, sir.
That doesn't look
too comfortable.
Wouldn't you like
to sit in the chair?
No, this is fine. Thank you.
Well, wouldn't you like
to take off that overcoat?
No, thank you.
I guess we'll be going
along pretty soon, probably.
Yeah.
Well, Harvey, so you go
to the high school, too, huh?
- Herbie.
- What's that?
Herbie. I said my
name is Herbie.
Of course.
I'm sorry. I don't know
where I got Harvey.
So, you go to the
high school, too?
Yes, sir.
Do you like it?
- Yes, sir.
- Well, that's good.
Well, what are prospects
for the track team this year?
The track team?
Yeah, they had a
pretty good one last year.
Are you interested in track?
Well, I...
Aren't you?
No, sir.
I'm interested in science.
Science? Really?
Well, that's interesting.
I'm a scientist myself...
Medical scientist.
I'm a doctor.
I know.
Why are you so
interested in track?
You've got to stop
fussing and get down there.
Mother, I'm scared.
Honey, everything's
going to be all right.
He's a nice boy. I can tell.
So just run along
and have fun. Go on.
Hi.
Hi, Herbie. I'm sorry
if I kept you waiting.
Oh, you didn't. That's okay.
Oh, well, I'm sorry if I did.
Well, what are you two
going to do this evening?
I don't know, exactly.
I mean, I thought Tooey
and Babs were coming.
Me too.
They had something
cooked up. I don't know what.
Well, there's always the movies.
Well, what would you like to do?
I don't know, Herbie.
What would you like to do?
I don't know.
Anything you'd like to do.
There's always the movies.
Anything is all right
with me, Herbie.
Me too.
How about going to the movies?
That's a marvelous idea.
Good thought. That's fine.
Well, all right.
Have fun, you two.
- That's right. Have fun.
- Bye.
Everything's gonna
be all right, dear.
Run along. Have a good time.
Bye.
I don't know about you, but
I'm gonna get some sleep.
Good night, darling.
Alex, how can you
possibly go to sleep?
Mary's got her own key.
What good will it
do to stay awake?
Haven't you any feelings?
What kind of a father are you?
A tired father who's had
about all he can stand.
Now, will you please be quiet
and let me get some sleep?
Now, Donna, I'm sorry, darling.
That's Mary!
Well, you're home early.
You see.
It wasn't so bad
after all, was it?
No, it wasn't so bad.
It was just the most horrible
experience of my whole life.
Darling, what happened?
Nothing.
Oh, tell me, honey.
What happened?
Nothing happened.
We went into this
drive-in movie,
and then we went to this
drive-in hamburger place.
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know what to
say. And we just sat there.
I don't even want
to talk about it.
Oh, darling.
I'm never going out
with anybody again ever.
Oh, honey, it happens
that way sometimes.
I remember so well.
Did I ever tell you
about the first time I
went out with your daddy?
No.
Well, it was while
he was still an intern.
I barely knew him.
I'd only met him once.
And, well, he was older and
so much more sophisticated.
I was scared to death.
I wanted so to make
a good impression.
And, well, everything
went wrong, just everything.
It was New Year's
Eve, of all times.
He'd reserved a
table at this hotel.
Daddy was handsome,
even in those days.
While there I was
in a horrible dress I'd
borrowed from my roommate.
I was all pinned together,
afraid to draw a breath
for fear something
awful would happen
and afraid to let it out for
fear of something worse.
Dr. Stone.
Good evening, Dr. Stone.
I have your table for you.
This way, please.
Excuse me.
No, that's the way we came in.
This way.
I don't like being too
close to the band, do you?
No, I don't.
- Cigarette?
- No, thank you.
There doesn't seem to be
many people here, does there?
No. I guess we're a
little early, actually.
I imagine it'll
fill up later on.
Yes, I imagine it will.
I guess we are early.
Yes, I guess so.
Oh, look, horns.
I guess we're supposed
to blow them later.
Yes, I guess so.
Would you excuse me, please?
I have to make a telephone call.
Oh, sure, go right ahead.
Don't let me keep you.
I figured he was so bored,
he went to call up another girl
just to have
somebody to talk to.
And there I sat, a
bundle of nerves,
trying to act nonchalant.
Oh, that horrible dress.
Oh, you're back.
Yes.
Did you make your phone call?
Well, I couldn't get him.
I'll try again later.
Oh, I just thought.
Would you excuse
me again, please?
Thank you.
If only I'd had a different
roommate... one my size.
His beautiful
orchids in the soup.
They were practically ruined.
How was I going to tell him?
Right there, I just died
a thousand deaths.
And I kept dying them
the rest of the evening.
He kept going out
to make phone calls.
And, well, I just thought
midnight would never come.
And then when it finally
did, that was the worst of all.
Somehow we got
trapped into dancing.
He was a marvelous dancer.
But for some reason, I
just couldn't follow him.
I don't know. They kept
playing tangos or something.
I'm sorry.
My fault entirely.
Ladies and gentlemen,
in just 10 seconds,
we will say hello
to the new year.
This was the moment
I'd dreaded most.
Everyone would
be kissing everyone.
And he'd think
he had to kiss me.
Now, what should I do?
Excuse myself and
run to the ladies' room?
Happy new year, everybody!
Alex!
Hooper. Excuse me.
Happy new year, Doctor.
Well, happy new
year yourself, Doc.
Boy, am I glad to see you.
He was trying to
unload me on a friend.
That was too much.
Excuse me.
The thing is, I'm kind of stuck.
Be a pal, will you, and...
What did you do
after that, Mother?
Well, what could I do?
I just made up my mind
never to speak to him again.
So, you see?
It just goes to show you.
I don't know anything
anymore, Mother.
I think life is just awful.
Mary, all you need is
a good night's sleep.
Come on.
Where have you been?
Holding a postmortem.
I think it might be a good idea
if you went in and
said a kind word.
She needs to know
that we're all behind her.
It's that bad?
"Life is just awful."
Well.
Hi, sweetie.
Hi, Daddy. You're not
gonna be cheerful, are you?
No, not me.
I'm sorry to hear things
didn't go so well tonight.
That's all right.
You know, it happens
that way sometimes.
I know... Mommy was telling me
about the first time you
and she went out together.
- She did, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
She tell you about the orchids?
Mm-hmm.
Boy, I'll never forget that.
I guess I'd seen orchids before.
But I had no idea
what they cost.
Well, one didn't look like
enough, so I bought a couple.
There went half my cash assets
before the evening
was even started.
Interns don't make
much, you know.
And I'd had to rent a tuxedo.
There went another 5 bucks.
Didn't fit me, either...
Sleeves too short.
So were the trousers.
I must have looked
like Ichabod Crane.
Sure felt like it.
Your mother... She
was a living dream.
As if she'd stepped
right out of Vogue.
Well, anyway, we
turned up at the hotel
about two hours too early.
The headwaiter took one look
and knew I didn't belong there.
Dr. Stone.
Dr. Stone?
I figured maybe if I
tipped him, that might help.
There went another buck.
Oh, Dr. Stone.
I have your table.
This way, please.
- It's all right.
- Sorry.
No, that's the way we came in.
Oh, this way.
Since there were no
tables on the fire escape,
the headwaiter gave us
the worst table in the room.
I don't like to sit too
close to the band, do you?
No, I don't.
Would you like a cigarette?
No, thank you.
I wasn't sure whether she
hated me or despised me.
But I soon had a more
important problem to solve.
Holy smoke!
All I had left was $16.
Well, I had to get somebody
to come down and bail me out.
Would you excuse me, please?
I have a telephone call to make.
Certainly.
I called a pal of
mine... Hooper Benson.
But Hooper wasn't in.
So then I started
calling everybody I knew.
But it was New Year's
Eve, and nobody was home.
Finally, it got to be midnight.
And I was fit to be tied.
Sorry.
It's all right.
Ladies and gentlemen,
in just 10 seconds,
we will say hello
to the new year.
Yes, and in one hour and
10 seconds, I'd be in jail.
How would I ever
explain it to her?
Happy new year, everybody!
Hooper!
Hooper!
- Alex.
- Happy new year, Doctor.
Happy new year yourself, Doc.
Boy, am I glad to see you.
I've been calling
you all evening.
Excuse me.
The thing is, I'm kind of stuck.
So be a pal and
lend me some money
just till tomorrow, will you?
I want you to meet
somebody. She's...
Where is she?
Where'd she go?
Well, if you could imagine
a worse start than that.
Matter of fact, I don't know why
she ever had anything
more to do with me.
How is she?
She's sound asleep.
Well, how did you manage that?
It's a way I have with
women. I bore them to death.
Remember that New Year's Eve
when we first went out together?
Do I. I was just telling Mary.
Well, that was the night
I first discovered this strange
power I have over women.
I don't know how
anybody can bore a gal
on the first night out
together on New Year's Eve.
You bored me?
You were either bored or
mad. You walked out on me.
Walked out on you?!
Well, Harvey, come on in.
His name is Herbie.
Come on in, Herbie.
I hope I didn't wake everybody.
Oh, no, we were all awake.
No, we're all night
owls around here.
Well, I didn't know if I should
come back or wait till morning,
only Mary forgot
her handkerchief,
and I thought she
might be needing it.
Oh, Mary will be so relieved.
Herbie brought your
handkerchief back.
Wasn't that nice?
Thank you very much, Herbie.
That was very nice of you.
That's okay.
I thought you
might be needing it.
Thank you very much.
Well, I just want to say...
I mean...
I guess I better be going now.
Herbie, won't you stay
and have some hot
chocolate or something?
Ask Herbie if he'll stay
and have hot chocolate.
Would you like to stay and have
some hot chocolate or something?
I'd like some hot chocolate
or something myself.
Dear, it's getting late.
We night owls have to get
our eight hours, you know.
Yes, doctor's orders.
Well, good night.
Have fun.
- Herbie...
- Mary, the reason I...
You were saying?
Mary, the reason I came
back... I mean the real reason...
I acted like a
horrible goof tonight.
You?
I don't know why. I just...
Don't be silly, Herbie.
It was all my fault.
Goodness, you were just fine.
Don't give me that.
There were so many
things I wanted to say.
Only I couldn't say them.
I don't know why.
I know. I was the same way.
You were?
Mm-hmm.
I don't believe it.
You know, I like
that boy very much.
You know why?
Because he reminds you of me.
Alex, you remember
that first New Year's Eve?
Uh-huh.
Were you uncomfortable?
Uncomfortable?
That was the most
miserable night of my life.
I never wanted to see you again.
Really?
Well, that's exactly how I felt.
You did?
Yes.
You don't look
awful. You look lovely.
I hate the way I look.
I hate my face. I hate
everything about me.
Nonsense. What's
wrong with your face?
I don't know.
It doesn't look like me.
Well, now, can you think of
one that looks more like you?
Well, maybe it looks
too much like me.
Honestly, if I met myself
coming down the street,
I wouldn't even
look at me twice.
Naturally. You're not a boy.
Here, try this on.
Boys want somebody
with personality,
not somebody who's just blah.
Who says that you are?
Mother, the phone.
Get the phone!
Jeff, are you down there?
Will you answer that?
Okay, Mom, I'll get it.
I think I'll take an aspirin.
Or will that just
make me jittery?
Mary, will you stop it?
You've been out
with boys before.
Yes, but not with
Herbie Shields.
Well, what's so special
about Harvey Shields?
Herbie Shields.
I've hardly even met him.
He's two classes ahead of me.
Well, Daddy's older than I am.
Well, yes, but
Herbie's such a brain.
He goes around with a
slide rule in his pocket.
And anything I say, he's
just gonna know I'm a moron.
Honey, if he's a brain, feel
flattered that he asked you out.
But he didn't ask me out.
It was Babs who
arranged the whole thing.
She had this date with
Tooey, and Tooey asked her
if she could find another
girl to go out with Herbie
because, well, Herbie
doesn't like many girls.
So Babs thought of me.
Oh, thank goodness
it's a double date.
I got news for you.
Babs has got the hives.
The hives?
Yep. So she can't
go out tonight.
She called off Tooey.
But Herbie, he's coming here
to pick you up at 8:00 sharp.
8:00?
Mother, my watch has
stopped. Could you fix it?
Just me and Herbie alone?
That's about the size of it.
Have fun.
Mother, what will I do?
What will I say?
Oh, honey, don't worry about
it. You'll think of something.
I'll die. I'll just die.
No, you won't.
Mother, are hives catching?
Of course not.
I think I itch.
Darling, you look just lovely.
Alex, doesn't she look lovely?
Beautiful.
Turn around, honey.
Jeff, isn't she pretty?
You look pretty good, for you.
Oh, thanks a lot, Jeff.
Mother, does my slip show?
No, not now.
If you keep tugging
at those straps...
Look, honey, everything's
going to be all right.
Alex, doesn't she look lovely?
Lovely.
Alex, what are you reading?
A medical journal. Why?
Could you take just a moment
to look at your daughter?
I just said she
looked beautiful.
I know, but don't just say it.
What's all the frenzy about?
She's going out
with Herbie Shields.
So?
Well, Daddy, we're
going out alone.
I don't even know Herbie.
Well, then, why are
you going out with him?
Oh.
Alex, will you just read and
not say anything, please?
I'll be glad to.
It must be near 8:00.
Why doesn't he come?
It's 10 minutes of 8:00.
Are you sure this
looks all right?
Maybe I should have
worn a skirt and blouse.
It looks just fine.
Oh, Jeff, do you have
to lie all over the place?
Who's lying all over the place?
- Jeff, get up.
- What for?
You heard your mother. Get
up. Go and do your homework.
The teacher didn't give
us any homework tonight.
Do tomorrow night's homework.
You folks certainly know how
to make a fella feel at home.
"Get up! Clear out!
Get lost! Evaporate!"
Honey, for heaven's sake,
come back here and sit down.
You don't want Herbie
to find you at the door.
- Where are you going?
- I've changed my mind.
I'm gonna put on
the skirt and blouse.
I thought we agreed...
Oh, that poor child.
I know exactly how she feels.
I'm so nervous myself.
Sweetheart, relax.
It's her date, not yours.
They'll go out. They'll
have a nice time.
And tomorrow, all this
hysteria will be forgotten.
Oh, you're right. It's silly.
What am I worrying about?
She's pretty. She's intelligent.
She'll do fine.
Ridiculous to
get upset like this.
Jeff, get back to your room.
I just want to see
this mastermind.
Go back up to your room!
Mary, your skirt.
Well, good evening.
Good evening.
Is Mary around?
Well, she'll be down
in just a few minutes.
You're Herbie
Shields, I presume?
That's right.
Well, I'm Mary's mother.
How do you do?
Won't you come in?
Alex, dear.
Alex, this is Herbie Shields.
Well, how do you do?
Mother!
Excuse me.
Haste makes waste.
Well, Harvey, come
on in. Sit down.
Thank you, sir.
That doesn't look
too comfortable.
Wouldn't you like
to sit in the chair?
No, this is fine. Thank you.
Well, wouldn't you like
to take off that overcoat?
No, thank you.
I guess we'll be going
along pretty soon, probably.
Yeah.
Well, Harvey, so you go
to the high school, too, huh?
- Herbie.
- What's that?
Herbie. I said my
name is Herbie.
Of course.
I'm sorry. I don't know
where I got Harvey.
So, you go to the
high school, too?
Yes, sir.
Do you like it?
- Yes, sir.
- Well, that's good.
Well, what are prospects
for the track team this year?
The track team?
Yeah, they had a
pretty good one last year.
Are you interested in track?
Well, I...
Aren't you?
No, sir.
I'm interested in science.
Science? Really?
Well, that's interesting.
I'm a scientist myself...
Medical scientist.
I'm a doctor.
I know.
Why are you so
interested in track?
You've got to stop
fussing and get down there.
Mother, I'm scared.
Honey, everything's
going to be all right.
He's a nice boy. I can tell.
So just run along
and have fun. Go on.
Hi.
Hi, Herbie. I'm sorry
if I kept you waiting.
Oh, you didn't. That's okay.
Oh, well, I'm sorry if I did.
Well, what are you two
going to do this evening?
I don't know, exactly.
I mean, I thought Tooey
and Babs were coming.
Me too.
They had something
cooked up. I don't know what.
Well, there's always the movies.
Well, what would you like to do?
I don't know, Herbie.
What would you like to do?
I don't know.
Anything you'd like to do.
There's always the movies.
Anything is all right
with me, Herbie.
Me too.
How about going to the movies?
That's a marvelous idea.
Good thought. That's fine.
Well, all right.
Have fun, you two.
- That's right. Have fun.
- Bye.
Everything's gonna
be all right, dear.
Run along. Have a good time.
Bye.
I don't know about you, but
I'm gonna get some sleep.
Good night, darling.
Alex, how can you
possibly go to sleep?
Mary's got her own key.
What good will it
do to stay awake?
Haven't you any feelings?
What kind of a father are you?
A tired father who's had
about all he can stand.
Now, will you please be quiet
and let me get some sleep?
Now, Donna, I'm sorry, darling.
That's Mary!
Well, you're home early.
You see.
It wasn't so bad
after all, was it?
No, it wasn't so bad.
It was just the most horrible
experience of my whole life.
Darling, what happened?
Nothing.
Oh, tell me, honey.
What happened?
Nothing happened.
We went into this
drive-in movie,
and then we went to this
drive-in hamburger place.
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know what to
say. And we just sat there.
I don't even want
to talk about it.
Oh, darling.
I'm never going out
with anybody again ever.
Oh, honey, it happens
that way sometimes.
I remember so well.
Did I ever tell you
about the first time I
went out with your daddy?
No.
Well, it was while
he was still an intern.
I barely knew him.
I'd only met him once.
And, well, he was older and
so much more sophisticated.
I was scared to death.
I wanted so to make
a good impression.
And, well, everything
went wrong, just everything.
It was New Year's
Eve, of all times.
He'd reserved a
table at this hotel.
Daddy was handsome,
even in those days.
While there I was
in a horrible dress I'd
borrowed from my roommate.
I was all pinned together,
afraid to draw a breath
for fear something
awful would happen
and afraid to let it out for
fear of something worse.
Dr. Stone.
Good evening, Dr. Stone.
I have your table for you.
This way, please.
Excuse me.
No, that's the way we came in.
This way.
I don't like being too
close to the band, do you?
No, I don't.
- Cigarette?
- No, thank you.
There doesn't seem to be
many people here, does there?
No. I guess we're a
little early, actually.
I imagine it'll
fill up later on.
Yes, I imagine it will.
I guess we are early.
Yes, I guess so.
Oh, look, horns.
I guess we're supposed
to blow them later.
Yes, I guess so.
Would you excuse me, please?
I have to make a telephone call.
Oh, sure, go right ahead.
Don't let me keep you.
I figured he was so bored,
he went to call up another girl
just to have
somebody to talk to.
And there I sat, a
bundle of nerves,
trying to act nonchalant.
Oh, that horrible dress.
Oh, you're back.
Yes.
Did you make your phone call?
Well, I couldn't get him.
I'll try again later.
Oh, I just thought.
Would you excuse
me again, please?
Thank you.
If only I'd had a different
roommate... one my size.
His beautiful
orchids in the soup.
They were practically ruined.
How was I going to tell him?
Right there, I just died
a thousand deaths.
And I kept dying them
the rest of the evening.
He kept going out
to make phone calls.
And, well, I just thought
midnight would never come.
And then when it finally
did, that was the worst of all.
Somehow we got
trapped into dancing.
He was a marvelous dancer.
But for some reason, I
just couldn't follow him.
I don't know. They kept
playing tangos or something.
I'm sorry.
My fault entirely.
Ladies and gentlemen,
in just 10 seconds,
we will say hello
to the new year.
This was the moment
I'd dreaded most.
Everyone would
be kissing everyone.
And he'd think
he had to kiss me.
Now, what should I do?
Excuse myself and
run to the ladies' room?
Happy new year, everybody!
Alex!
Hooper. Excuse me.
Happy new year, Doctor.
Well, happy new
year yourself, Doc.
Boy, am I glad to see you.
He was trying to
unload me on a friend.
That was too much.
Excuse me.
The thing is, I'm kind of stuck.
Be a pal, will you, and...
What did you do
after that, Mother?
Well, what could I do?
I just made up my mind
never to speak to him again.
So, you see?
It just goes to show you.
I don't know anything
anymore, Mother.
I think life is just awful.
Mary, all you need is
a good night's sleep.
Come on.
Where have you been?
Holding a postmortem.
I think it might be a good idea
if you went in and
said a kind word.
She needs to know
that we're all behind her.
It's that bad?
"Life is just awful."
Well.
Hi, sweetie.
Hi, Daddy. You're not
gonna be cheerful, are you?
No, not me.
I'm sorry to hear things
didn't go so well tonight.
That's all right.
You know, it happens
that way sometimes.
I know... Mommy was telling me
about the first time you
and she went out together.
- She did, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
She tell you about the orchids?
Mm-hmm.
Boy, I'll never forget that.
I guess I'd seen orchids before.
But I had no idea
what they cost.
Well, one didn't look like
enough, so I bought a couple.
There went half my cash assets
before the evening
was even started.
Interns don't make
much, you know.
And I'd had to rent a tuxedo.
There went another 5 bucks.
Didn't fit me, either...
Sleeves too short.
So were the trousers.
I must have looked
like Ichabod Crane.
Sure felt like it.
Your mother... She
was a living dream.
As if she'd stepped
right out of Vogue.
Well, anyway, we
turned up at the hotel
about two hours too early.
The headwaiter took one look
and knew I didn't belong there.
Dr. Stone.
Dr. Stone?
I figured maybe if I
tipped him, that might help.
There went another buck.
Oh, Dr. Stone.
I have your table.
This way, please.
- It's all right.
- Sorry.
No, that's the way we came in.
Oh, this way.
Since there were no
tables on the fire escape,
the headwaiter gave us
the worst table in the room.
I don't like to sit too
close to the band, do you?
No, I don't.
Would you like a cigarette?
No, thank you.
I wasn't sure whether she
hated me or despised me.
But I soon had a more
important problem to solve.
Holy smoke!
All I had left was $16.
Well, I had to get somebody
to come down and bail me out.
Would you excuse me, please?
I have a telephone call to make.
Certainly.
I called a pal of
mine... Hooper Benson.
But Hooper wasn't in.
So then I started
calling everybody I knew.
But it was New Year's
Eve, and nobody was home.
Finally, it got to be midnight.
And I was fit to be tied.
Sorry.
It's all right.
Ladies and gentlemen,
in just 10 seconds,
we will say hello
to the new year.
Yes, and in one hour and
10 seconds, I'd be in jail.
How would I ever
explain it to her?
Happy new year, everybody!
Hooper!
Hooper!
- Alex.
- Happy new year, Doctor.
Happy new year yourself, Doc.
Boy, am I glad to see you.
I've been calling
you all evening.
Excuse me.
The thing is, I'm kind of stuck.
So be a pal and
lend me some money
just till tomorrow, will you?
I want you to meet
somebody. She's...
Where is she?
Where'd she go?
Well, if you could imagine
a worse start than that.
Matter of fact, I don't know why
she ever had anything
more to do with me.
How is she?
She's sound asleep.
Well, how did you manage that?
It's a way I have with
women. I bore them to death.
Remember that New Year's Eve
when we first went out together?
Do I. I was just telling Mary.
Well, that was the night
I first discovered this strange
power I have over women.
I don't know how
anybody can bore a gal
on the first night out
together on New Year's Eve.
You bored me?
You were either bored or
mad. You walked out on me.
Walked out on you?!
Well, Harvey, come on in.
His name is Herbie.
Come on in, Herbie.
I hope I didn't wake everybody.
Oh, no, we were all awake.
No, we're all night
owls around here.
Well, I didn't know if I should
come back or wait till morning,
only Mary forgot
her handkerchief,
and I thought she
might be needing it.
Oh, Mary will be so relieved.
Herbie brought your
handkerchief back.
Wasn't that nice?
Thank you very much, Herbie.
That was very nice of you.
That's okay.
I thought you
might be needing it.
Thank you very much.
Well, I just want to say...
I mean...
I guess I better be going now.
Herbie, won't you stay
and have some hot
chocolate or something?
Ask Herbie if he'll stay
and have hot chocolate.
Would you like to stay and have
some hot chocolate or something?
I'd like some hot chocolate
or something myself.
Dear, it's getting late.
We night owls have to get
our eight hours, you know.
Yes, doctor's orders.
Well, good night.
Have fun.
- Herbie...
- Mary, the reason I...
You were saying?
Mary, the reason I came
back... I mean the real reason...
I acted like a
horrible goof tonight.
You?
I don't know why. I just...
Don't be silly, Herbie.
It was all my fault.
Goodness, you were just fine.
Don't give me that.
There were so many
things I wanted to say.
Only I couldn't say them.
I don't know why.
I know. I was the same way.
You were?
Mm-hmm.
I don't believe it.
You know, I like
that boy very much.
You know why?
Because he reminds you of me.
Alex, you remember
that first New Year's Eve?
Uh-huh.
Were you uncomfortable?
Uncomfortable?
That was the most
miserable night of my life.
I never wanted to see you again.
Really?
Well, that's exactly how I felt.
You did?
Yes.