The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 1, Episode 2 - Pardon My Gloves - full transcript

Torvald, I was your
little skylark, your doll.

Torvald, I was your
skylark, your doll,

which you would in...

Which you would in future
treat with doubly gentle care,

because it was so brittle and...

and fragile.

It was then it dawned upon me...

It was then it dawned upon me

that I have two
eavesdroppers behind me.

Well, keep going, Mother.

Nothing doing. Drink your juice.



Oh, come on. Why not?

- We're dying to hear you.
- Nope.

I read something in one
of Pop's medical books.

"Assuming a negative
attitude towards a child

can give him a complex."

At the risk of
complexing you, no.

- No what?
- Good morning, Dad.

Good morning, kids.
Good morning, darling.

Well, brief me so
I can take sides.

Mom's been rehearsing
this "Doll's House"

for two weeks, and we
haven't heard anything.

Yeah, come on, Mother. Perform.

I'm not a trained seal.

What's the play about, anyway?



"Doll's House." Is it for kids?

Oh, it's a classic, Jeff.

This man Torvald, he treats his
wife like she was his plaything.

He lavishes all sorts of
expensive gifts on her,

like every day was Christmas.

Finally, she just
can't stand any more.

What's wrong with her?
Is she weak in the head?

See, Mother, you're
leaving him in total ignorance,

all because you rehearse in
the bedroom with the door locked.

It's your room, too.

Force her out in the open.

As a matter of fact, you know,

your Podium Players are
not going to be able to perform

in a barricaded bedroom.

Yeah. You'll have to face
an audience sometime.

Why not start with us?

We're friendly.

No, no. It's silly.

Eggs and raisin bread
don't go with Ibsen.

Oh, come on, Mother.

You have to face an
audience sometime.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let your mother alone.

She doesn't want to perform.
She probably has her reasons.

Very good reasons.

Listen, Torvald.

I was your little
skylark, your doll,

which you would in future
treat with doubly gentle care,

because it was so
brittle and fragile.

Torvald, it was then
it dawned upon me

that for eight years I'd been
living with a strange man

and had borne
him three children.

I shudder to think of it.

I could tear myself
into little bits.

I could tear myself
into little bits.

What do you think?

Well, no one expects
the Podium Players

to be the Theatre Guild.

Well, at least Mother has
a... She has a lot of nerve.

What does Podium Players mean?

Oh, well, they don't walk
around while they're acting.

They just sit on high
stools and speak their parts.

Don't you think Mom would
be safer if she kept moving?

Won't you join us?

Thank you, but I made
some cuts in the script,

and I have to explain
them to the rest of the cast.

You'll find that yours
is quite a bit shorter.

It won't be nearly
the strain on you.

Lydia, I'm worried.

I've never done anything
like this before and...

Oh, but you're doing
much better than I expected.

- Am I really?
- Of course.

Anyway, you have
such beauty and charm

that the audience will overlook
any dramatic shortcomings.

Oh, I added some
stage directions here.

Oh, yes.

That's the way I did it when
I played it in Glens Falls.

Well, I just can't imagine why
they didn't give you the part.

I was appointed director, and I
must bow to the powers that be.

Now, you mustn't get panicky.

The trick is in
thinking inwardly.

Never acting, but being.

Feeling, sensing, knowing.

Not from the commonplace
level of Donna Stone,

but as the tender, delicate,
sensitive woman that Nora is.

Delicate.

Sensitive.

Yes, well, I just
hope that I can...

Oh, darling, I know you're
frightened and confused.

But I haven't a qualm
in the world about you.

We'll just work, work, work, and
you'll make a memorable Nora.

I don't care how long it takes.

Well, bye-bye, darling.

See you at rehearsal.

Bye, Lydia.

Now, remember.

When she comes back,
it's just a little amateur group,

and they're
performing for charity.

So let's all be
a little tactful.

Right. We won't
tell her the truth.

Don't make any of those
cracks in front of Mother, Jeff.

Don't worry about me. I...

That was Lydia Langley.

Oh, Chunky's mother.

She's really very nice.

Wish I could say
the same for Chunky.

What did she tell you?

She said I'd make
a memorable Nora.

And she doesn't
care how long it takes.

Funny, when she said
it, it sounded all right.

She's such a perfectionist.

Well, I suppose that comes
from all those years on the stage.

Oh, you sounded
plenty good to us.

Did I?

You know it. You were great!

Look, you can be honest with me.

I know I'm no Bernhardt.

If you have any suggestions...

No, no.

Oh, I know I have
my shortcomings.

Well, maybe if you didn't wave
your hands around so much.

Yes. And, well, maybe if you
didn't scream quite so loud.

And maybe if you didn't...

If you can't say anything
nice, don't say anything at all.

Maybe our tackling dinner
wasn't such a good idea after all.

Now I'm convinced.

Well, it's better than
going out, Daddy.

Well, we'd make Mother feel

she's neglecting
us for the stage.

- Oh, hi.
- Hi, Mommy.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Darling, you're just
in the nick of time.

You're angels, both of you.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, I'll tell you, it was
that second-act curtain.

All I had to do was throw
out my arms to Torvald

and say, "Here she is."

And no matter how I did it...

"Here she is," "Here
she is," "Here she is"...

Lydia was unhappy.

Well, let her be
unhappy. Who cares?

Well, the only thing that's
going to make her happy

is if she gets to
play Nora herself.

Do you know I honestly think
she's trying to discourage me?

Oh, you sounded
plenty good to us.

Oh, don't start that again.

I'm just tired of
being patronized.

For two cents, you know, I j...

Howdy.

Oh, hi, Jeff.

Jeff.

Yes, ma'am?

Turn around.

Oh, here he is.

Here he is. Here he is.

This is no joking matter.

Boy. Who hung that on you?

A fella.

What fella?

The fella I was fighting with.

I suppose if I examine
this fella in the morning,

I'll see two black eyes?

Now that you mention it, no.

He got off clean.

Well, how come? Was
he bigger than you?

No, he just happened to
be on top most of the time.

Well, who is it? I want
to talk to his mother.

No, Mom. You can't do that.

Darling, in the
lexicon of youth,

it's much better
to take a beating

than to go hollering to
the other boy's mother.

Well, if Jeff started a fight
and beat up on some boy,

I'd want to know about it.

The other boy did
start the fight, didn't he?

Well, technically, no.

You started it?

Why?

Some fellas don't understand
anything but a sock in the eye.

Only trouble is, I missed
and he connected.

Well, then, it serves you right.

But if it ever happens
again, I'm going to punish you.

Do you understand?

All right.

Goodbye.

Hey, Pop, can I
talk to you a minute?

Well, I'm pretty
busy right now, son.

I need a medical opinion.

What I want to know is,

can you patch this up
so Mom won't notice it?

- You met that fella again, hmm?
- Yeah.

I can help with the eye,
but you'll have to see a tailor

about that shirt.

I'll change it before dinner.

Now, then.

I know that's pretty tender,
but this won't hurt much.

Lift it up.

Close your eye.

I know.

Now open it up. Open your eye.

There.

Now, before I tint that bruise
and destroy the evidence,

I want to hear that this
other boy swung first.

Well, you could hear
it, but it wouldn't be true.

All right.

Who was it, and
why did you hit him?

Well, if I tell you,
promise not to tell Mom?

No. I'm not making
any blind deals.

Now, Jeff, look.

We've always had
a nice relationship.

When you broke the
basement window,

you came right out and told me.

I didn't run to Mother. I
just put in a new pane.

And when the hole
appeared in the new rug,

I didn't tell Mom you
dropped sulfuric acid.

See? That's a very
rare relationship.

We understand each other.

Now, who was it, and
why did you hit him?

- Well...
- Alex.

Uh-oh.

- Alex, are you in there?
- Be right out, dear.

Well, sir, I've had it.

Had what, darling?

All through rehearsal,

she kept jabbing me with
those sugarcoated needles.

I did exactly what she told me,

and do you know
what she said to me?

Would you mind telling me later?

"Darling, you're supposed
to be his little skylark,

not his magpie.

Darling, you're being
terribly conscientious,

but it's going to take much,
much longer than I thought."

Well, you keep
plugging. I'm a little busy.

And after two hours of
rehearsing "Here she is,"

she suddenly decided
upon "Here she is."

So I said, "There you
are," and turned in my script.

- Really?
- Yes indeedy.

What did you do that for?!

What are you...

Have you been fighting again?

- Well, technically...
- Don't use that word again.

Alex, really.

He came to me as a patient.

A doctor mustn't violate
a patient's confidence.

Well, he's not my patient.

Now, why have you been fighting?

Well, I just don't
happen to like this fella.

That's no reason.

I guess I just like to fight.

You won't tell me, hmm?

All right.

You'll have dinner
alone in your room.

No allowance and
no movies for a month.

Now, go on. Go on upstairs.

What a raw deal.

Two black eyes for nothing.

I know you don't
approve of my punishing.

What did he say?

"Two black eyes for nothing."

Well, what does that mean?

You got me.

Mother and Daddy,
you'll never guess what.

What?

Are you just getting
home from school?

I was over at Lucy
Little's doing my homework

and, well, that's
how I found out.

Found out what?

I know who Jeff has
been fighting with.

- Who?
- Who?

Well, you see, Lucy and I
were studying in her room.

And, well, it was so hot that I
just had to open the window.

And, well, I looked down the
street, and I saw them fighting.

Then I yelled at them,
but they didn't hear me.

Who was he fighting with?

Before I tell you,
you better sit down.

Would you just tell me, please?

Okay. But, Daddy, you
get ready to catch her.

The way this child
builds suspense,

Hitchcock could use her.

Mary, who was it?

Chunky.

Chunky?

Well, Chunky Langley,
your director's son.

Correction. Ex-director's son.

Your mother quit the play.

Two black eyes for nothing.

Dinner will be a
little late tonight.

Where are you going?

To interview my ex-director.

When the whole thing was past,

as far as you were concerned,
it was exactly as before.

I was your little
skylark, your doll,

which in future you would
treat with doubly gentle care,

because it was so
brittle and fragile.

Torvald, it was then
it dawned upon me...

- Darling, come in.
- Thank you.

I was just brushing up on Nora.

It's too late, of course, to
get anyone else for the part.

I hope it won't be too
big a burden on you.

Well, you left me in
rather a predicament.

But I'm not going to
try to change your mind.

You haven't changed
your mind, have you?

I came to find out why Jeff
was fighting with your Chunky.

My Charles, fighting?

I can't believe it.

We have two black
eyes to prove it.

Heavens, this is awful.

Charles.

Charles, come down here, please.

Well, I never heard
of such a thing.

Well, I'm not saying that
it's Chunk... Charles' fault.

Jeff admits that he hit first.

But this is the second
fight they've had

and, well, Jeff is
running out of eyes.

Come, Charles.

Come here, dear. Come.

Hello, Charles.

Hi.

Not "Hi." "How do
you do, Mrs. Stone?"

How do you do, Mrs. Stone?

Is it true you beat up
Mrs. Stone's little boy?

Yeah.

You will apologize
to Mrs. Stone.

But why? I didn't beat her up.

Apologize.

Lydia, I don't want an apology.

All I want to know is,
how did the fight start?

Well, he took a poke at
me, and I clobbered him.

What he don't
know about fighting

he could write in a book.

Charles, "What he doesn't
know about fighting."

Never mind the grammar.

Now, why did he
take a poke at you?

Answer her, Charles.

Well, do I have to?

You most certainly do.

'Cause I said as an actress,
you're strictly from hunger.

What a dreadful thing to say.

Well, you said it first.

How children will misinterpret.

Well, apparently, he
overheard me telling my husband

that you had a real
hunger for the stage

and that if I were
very strict with you,

you would blossom
into an actress.

Instead, Jeff blossomed
out with two black eyes.

It does seem a shame to get
two blacks eyes for nothing.

I don't quite understand.

You know, for the first time, I
do have a hunger for the stage.

You won't be annoyed
if I change my mind?

Of course not, darling.

Delighted.

All right. I'll see you
at rehearsal tomorrow.

Oh, and speaking
of misinterpreting.

I think from now on, I'll
interpret the part my way.

Without all the arm
waving and screaming.

Good night, Lydia.

Young man...

I could tear you
into little bits.

Jeff.

Jeff, will you come
down here, please?

Chunky told me.

"Strictly from hunger."

You sounded plenty good to me.

Hey, what's this?

It's my script.

I figure if you can take a
few blacks eyes for me,

I can take a few barbs
from Lydia Langley.

That's the old pepper.

You stick with the play,

and I'll take all the lickings
Chunky can dish out.

What?

Oh, a clod like that...
He's gonna say it again,

and I'll have to start swinging.

You know how it comes out.

Well, maybe we can
do something about that.

Now, how do you stand?

Hold.

According to this book,
you're just a little off balance.

Now, put that left foot
forward just a little bit.

There. That's good.

Mom, this isn't something
you learn from a book.

Don't be silly.

The man at the store
says he sells a lot of them.

There must be a lot of mothers

teaching their
sons how to fight.

Get into position.

Lower your chin.

Raise your left
shoulder. All right.

Now you're ready for the...

The left jab.

All right. Now jab.

No. It's straight.

That's good. Hold it.

Now, the left jab is
followed by the right cross.

All right. Now watch.

Jab.

Cross.

Jab.

Cross.

All right. Go ahead. Try.

Jab.

Cross.

Jab. Cross.

That's wonderful. Come on, now.

- Let's move, huh?
- Okay.

Jab. Cross.

Jab. Cross.

Jab. Cross.

Jab. Cross.

Mother, if you want
to learn how to fight,

I'm afraid you're taking
lessons from the wrong fella.

She's teaching me.

Oh. Does Daddy know about this?

Well, he's at the hospital.
We're gonna surprise him.

All right, now.

"Defense against the
left jab and the right cross.

The weight is shifted...

Positioned directly..."

Okay.

Try to hit me.

Gee, Mom, I'm
afraid I'll hurt you.

Oh, you can't. Come on.

Okay.

Thatagirl, Mom!
Thatagirl! Come on, Mom!

Hit him!

You can't even touch me!

Mother, sit down!

You okay?

I'm fine.

It was very good.

Oh, you little assassin.

Well, I didn't mean to.

What did you do that was wrong?

She forgot to duck.

I don't know what
your book says,

but you don't
block with your chin.

Let me have those.

Hey, what are you doing?

When my wife steps out
on the stage Friday night

to play the lead in
"The Doll's House,"

I don't want to see a
punch-drunk stumblebum.

Head for the showers.

All right, my friend.

Get them up. Come on.

Mary.

Isn't your father home yet?

No, and neither is Jeff.

It's almost time for
the show to start.

- I should be there.
- Mother, take it easy.

I'm so jittery.

Let me see now. My first speech.

I forgot.

Oh. Yes.

Hide the Christmas
tree carefully, Helen.

Be sure the children
do not see it until...

Jeff, you're late.
Where have you been?

- Have you seen your father?
- Nope.

Well, change your clo...

What have you been doing?

Oh, settling a little beef.

Chunky said it again.

Oh, no.

Yeah, and I said,
"Take it back."

And he said, "Try and make me."

So, I did. I hit him with
everything in the book.

- Well, did you win?
- Did I win?

You are now the best actress in
town, including his own mother.

That's wonderful.

I just wish I believed it.

All right. Now,
change your clothes.

Mary, help him.

And you two come to
school with your father.

I've got to call a taxi.

Alex, what happened?

I was walking along the street.

I saw Chunky Langley with a
black eye and a bloody nose.

I kneeled down to administer
first aid, and he clobbered me.

Don't ask me why.

I'll tell you why.

Because Jeff clobbered him.

No kidding.

I'm no longer
strictly from hunger.

I'm the best actress in town.

- Well.
- Oh, I'd hate to see the worst.

Let me see now.

Hide the Christmas
children carefully, Helen.

Be sure the tree...

Oh, Alex. I'm going
to make a mess of it.

- I just know I...
- Go ahead. I couldn't care less.

Care less?

Darling, I don't
love Henrik Ibsen

or the Podium Players
or Nora the skylark.

I love you.

You can be the
best or the worst.

You can bring the house
down or fall off the stage.

You're still wonderful.

Anybody who says you're not,

I'll take them in the back alley
and beat the tar out of them.

Anybody but Chunky Langley.

You better leave him to Jeff.

Come on.

Hurry up, kids.
We're gonna be late.

How does it feel?

Oh, it's fine.

I like my nurse, too.

Tell me honestly, was I
really good in the play?

Now, look, I told you 50 times.

You were great.

Was I great
because I'm your wife,

or was I great because I
was just barely adequate?

Darling, while you
were taking your bows,

I heard a fella say,
"That's the cutest,

most talented doll
I've ever seen."

Not really.

Word of honor.

Well, who was it?

Me.