The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 1, Episode 16 - Jeff's Double Life - full transcript

Boy, am I weary.

If we don't have to go to
another dinner party for years,

I won't complain.

Did you see that
light just go off?

I wonder if something's wrong.

- What light?
- In Mary's room.

Oh, she's probably reading.

Oh, not this late.

I have a feeling
something's wrong.

Feminine intuition, no doubt?

Dear, if you haven't
got it, don't knock it.



Darling, I've seen X-rays
of hundreds of women,

and female intuition
just doesn't show up.

What's that?

Someone coming up the walk.

I have a feeling
it's Mrs. Wilgus.

Why Mrs. Wilgus?

Because she never
comes to our door

without some kind of
bad news, and I definitely...

Take it easy.

Your intuition is
getting out of hand.

Hello, Doctor.

Hello, Mrs. Wilgus.

What is it, Mrs. Wilgus?

I have something to tell you.



Okay.

About that intuition?

I'll have my X-ray machine
checked in the morning.

Do that.

I thought you'd never get home.

What's wrong, Mrs. Wilgus.

There's nobody in this
world who hates to complain

more than I do,
but there's a limit.

What is it, Mrs. Wilgus?
What's happened?

I am a firm believer
in live and let live.

Mrs. Wilgus.

"Do unto others,"
is what I always say.

And believe me,
I don't start doing

unless I have been done unto.

What happened, Mrs. Wilgus?

Even taking into account
that they are children.

There's a clue.

Did our children do
something wrong, Mrs. Wilgus?

They were making so much
noise that I had to phone.

But a lot of good that did.

That went right
on with their party.

Party?

I wouldn't dream
of letting the children

have an unchaperoned party.

Well, I'm the last
one to complain.

But I must have my sleep.

So I said to myself, "I
better call the police."

Police?

Police?

And then I said to myself, "No.

After all, he's a doctor.

How would it look?

I mean, after all, it
could ruin his practice."

Well, I'm awfully sorry you were
inconvenienced, Mrs. Wilgus.

Well, I finally had to come
over and ask them to stop.

I hated to do it.

But I must have my sleep.

Well, good night.

Good night, Mrs. Wilgus.

I mean, if you were a
musician or an actor.

But a doctor... Well.

Good night.

Well, do you realize if
she'd called the police

how serious this could be?

I sure do.

Mary, have you been
standing up there, listening?

- Yes, Mother.
- What happened here tonight?

Well, some of my friends
dropped by. That's all.

Mary, you know you're
not allowed to entertain

when we are not here.

Yes, Mother, but they were only
going to stay for a few minutes.

And, well, I don't know why,

but one minute, it
was a quarter of 10:00,

and the next minute, it
was a quarter of 12:00.

You just can't trust
those clocks, can you?

You know Mrs. Wilgus
almost called the police?

Daddy, we weren't
that noisy. Honest.

Except maybe for
that kooky Bob Ellis.

Just because he
plays in the band,

he always has to
bring along his trumpet.

- What's going on?
- Jeff, go back to bed.

No, wait a second.
Stay right here.

I want you both to
hear this. Sit down.

Just because Bob
brought along his trumpet,

Tommy Hendricks had to
drag along his bongo drums.

Mary, do you realize
what it might have meant

if Mrs. Wilgus had
called the police?

Well, I told her she
was gonna catch it.

- You better keep quiet.
- That's what I kept telling her.

Jeff, Daddy was talking.

I'm a doctor, and
whether I like it or not,

people expect more from me

than just a talent
for curing diseases.

Do you follow me?

Yes, Daddy.

People expect a doctor and
his family to set an example.

Now, that puts an
obligation on all of us.

Well, I told her to
quiet down those kids.

You've covered that subject.

Now, just remember... The
way you two conduct yourselves

reflects on me professionally.

I want you to understand
that thoroughly.

I understand.

I'm very sorry, Daddy.
It'll never happen again.

All right. Off to bed with you.

And hurry. It's late. Come on.

Told you you were
gonna get into trouble.

You're gonna get
in trouble with me

if you don't keep your
big, fat mouth shut.

Don't say I... Ouch!

Mary.

I'm sorry, Mother.
My hand slipped.

Do you think I've
got my point across?

If you haven't, there are
going to be a lot of privileges

lost around here.

You know, it just occurred to me

that if Mrs. Wilgus
must have her sleep,

why did she wait up for us?

Well, because she
hates to complain.

But she enjoys it a little, too.

If you were a
musician or an actor.

But a doctor...

Very funny, except
for one thing.

I can just see the headlines
in The Daily Sentinel.

"Teenage riot at doctor's house.

Pediatrician's
daughter runs amuck."

Well, I told her to
keep those kids quiet.

You get back into bed!

Yes, ma'am.

Now, darling, don't get upset

or you won't get
any sleep yourself.

Now, let's forget all
about Mrs. Wilgus, hmm?

Oh, you're right.

It's ridiculous to
let that nosy Nelly

get us all stirred up like this.

Exactly. Good night, darling.

She may have her
binoculars trained on the house

this very minute.

There.

Have a good look, Mrs. Wilgus.

Well, I just can't imagine
what's happened to Jeff.

It isn't like him to
be late for lunch.

No.

Mary, did he tell you
where he was going?

No, Mother, all he talked about

was our responsibility
as the children of a doctor

and why didn't I
keep those kids quiet?

He's certainly worn
that thought ragged.

You know, I have a peculiar
feeling that something is wrong.

Darling, Don't start that again.

I've had enough feminine
intuition to last me a lifetime.

Sorry. Make-believe
I didn't say it.

Where can he be?

I don't know.

Darling, do you need
the car this afternoon?

I want to go over to Lucille's
and borrow a dress pattern.

No, I'll drive you over.

I promised Mrs.
Ramsey I'd drop in

and take a look at little Patsy.

Oh, that reminds me.

I've got to go by and pay
Mrs. Barry a visit next week.

Fine idea.

And while you're there,
you might drop a few hints

about how rugged
the local children are

and how slow their
parents are at paying bills.

A few things like that.
Make them feel at home.

Daddy, I'm surprised at you.

I'm only kidding. I greet the
competition with open arms.

In fact, I'm even thinking

of giving Dr. Barry
a welcoming gift.

Really? What?

Mrs. Ramsey and
Patsy. Shall we go?

Oh, honey, I don't
know whether I should

without Jeff being home.

Supposing something's wrong.

Darling, if anything's wrong,

we'll hear about it in good
time from Mrs. Wilgus.

Now, will you
please stop worrying?

All right. Bye,
and thanks, honey!

- Bye-bye, sweetie.
- Bye-bye, Daddy.

After all, what can
happen to him on Sunday?

That's right. It's silly.

Hi.

Where have you been?

Just roaming around downtown.

First time I ever heard of
you being late for a meal.

Here's your lunch.

I'm not hungry, so I'll
just have a glass of water.

Well, what's the
matter with you?

Nothing.

What's wrong with your left arm?

I'm just resting it.

I overworked it
playing basketball.

Mm-hmm.

Ouch!

Oh, you nearly killed me!

Jeff, what did you
do to your arm?

I guess maybe I
got a charley horse.

Well, you better let Daddy
look at it when he gets home.

I can't do that!

Well, why not?

If I tell you, promise
you won't blab?

I promise.

- On your honor?
- On my honor.

Cross your throat
and hope to choke?

Cross my throat
and hope to choke.

Well... No, you're gonna blab.

Jeff, if you don't
tell me, I will blab.

I'm in trouble, and
it's all on account

of that dumb friend of
yours... Tommy Hendricks.

Tommy Hendricks?
Well, what happened?

He gave me a lift
downtown in his father's car.

Since when does Tommy
Hendricks have a driver's license?

Well, he doesn't.

I should have known.
But I didn't think.

He took the car
without permission.

Oh, the dope. Well,
what happened?

He went through a signal,
and the cops started chasing us.

Tommy got scared
and ran into a tree.

We both got out and
ran like the dickens.

Hope he doesn't tell on me.

Jeff, why did you run?

Oh, I don't know why.

Ouch.

Jeff, listen, you've got to
let Daddy look at that arm.

You might have chipped
a bone or something.

I can't let Dad find out. I
can't let anybody find out.

You heard what
he said last night.

Well, don't be silly.
This is different.

I should have made you
sign your name in blood.

You're gonna blab.
I know you will.

Now, Jeff, will you
please calm down?

I promise you I won't blab

if you'll promise me
you'll go to see a doctor.

Well, how can I?

All the doctors in
town know who I am.

I can see it in
The Sentinel now.

"Doctor's son injured
as police chase hot car."

It would ruin Dad!

Look, there's one doctor in town
who doesn't know who you are,

and it's the new one that
just moved here... Dr. Barry.

Hey! I forgot about him!

I can go to him incognito!

That means under another name.

Yes, I know what it means.

I can see him
tomorrow after school.

Oh, gosh.

What's the matter now?

Well, how am I gonna pay him?

I only have 80 cents
left from my allowance.

You got some money.

Yes, $7.

And I've been saving for
months to buy a new tennis racket.

You know that.

That's right.

Okay, you can have the $7.

Really, Mary?!

Well, I'm just learning
to play with my old racket.

I guess it would be silly to
start over again with a new one.

Oh, you're the best
sister a guy ever had!

I won't forget this if
I live to be a million!

Okay. Sit down
and eat your lunch.

My arm hurts too
much to eat lunch.

Really?

So I guess I'll just
have some dessert.

Hello?

Yes?

Tommy?

Oh, Tommy Hendricks.

Well, I hope you phoned to
tell me that you've given up

playing bongo drums
late at night at our house

when the doctor
and I aren't home.

All right, Tommy.

But next time would you
mind doing card tricks instead?

I assume you want
to speak to Mary.

Oh, Jeff?

Well, he's not here.

Excuse me, Mother.

Hello, Tommy?

Yes, he's fine.

Look, Tommy, just don't phone
here anymore, would you, please?

And don't come around
here anymore, either.

Well, I didn't know bongo
drums were that objectionable.

They're not, but
Tommy Hendricks is.

Mary.

Yes, Mother.

Why was he asking about Jeff?

Mother, anything that
Tommy Hendricks asks, says,

or does interests
me not in the least.

Well, it interests me very much.

Now, Jeff went off this morning

mumbling something about
being home late from school.

Do you know why?

There's nothing to
worry about. Honestly.

If there's nothing
to worry about,

why don't you tell me
so I can stop worrying?

Mother, won't you
take my word for it?

For what?

I can't tell you, Mother.

Mary.

Mother, please believe me.
Dr. Barry is a very good...

Dr. Barry?

Oh, Mother, don't tell
Daddy. Jeff made me promise.

He made me promise to cross
my throat and hope to choke.

By all rights, I should be
strangling right this minute.

All right, honey.
Just take it easy.

But promise me something.

Don't strangle till I get back.

All right, young man.
Will you come in, please?

Yes, sir.

Have a chair.

May I have your name, please?

John Smith.

What's your address, John?

Do you have to have that?

You want me to bill
you parents, don't you?

No, sir. I've got
the money with me.

Oh, I see.

Well, what seems to
be your problem, John?

Well, it's my arm.

I fell off my bike.

Well, I better
take a look at that.

You live here in town, John?

Well, sort of.

Well, how do you mean "sort of"?

You're on a visit, are you?

Well, sort of.

I'm just kind of
passing through.

I see.

Now, does that hurt?

No, sir.

Traveling with your parents?

No, by myself. I'm
kind of just traveling.

Oh.

Sort of a hobo?

Yes, sort of. What's
wrong with my arm?

Well, we'll know in a moment.

Now, since when do
hobos go to school?

Oh, those aren't my books.

I'm just minding
them for a friend.

Well, does this hurt?

Ouch!

Where does it hurt the most?

Here?

No, mostly here, under the ulna.

You're a well-educated hobo.

Any doctors in your family?

Doctors? Gee, no.

I ain't educated.

I don't hardly know nothing.

What's your father do?

Well, he doesn't get home much.

Well, I don't think you've
broken any bones, John.

But I think you've got a
little sprain around the femur.

The femur? Well,
that's in the...

Well, whatever you
say. You're the doctor.

If I were you, John,

I'd give that arm all
the hot water it can take.

Now, I'd better put
it in a sling for you.

No, I'll do that. I'll
be careful with it, too.

How much do I owe you?

I couldn't take your money.

You'll need it to buy
yourself a flop tonight.

- Flop?
- Sure.

Oh, that's hobo talk.

Oh, flop, sure.

I didn't hear you.

Well, good luck, fellow.

And watch out for those
bulls when you ride those rails.

Sure, you said it.

Well, thanks a lot, Doc.

- Bye.
- Goodbye.

Hi, Mom!

Hiya.

What are you doing here?

I was just driving by.

What are you doing here?

Just walking. I'm on my
way home from school.

Mm-hmm.

Well, don't look now,

but you've walked about
two miles out of your way.

Well, it was such a nice
day, I just felt like walking.

Didn't I just see you come
out of Dr. Barry's house?

Dr. Barry?

That's the name on the house.

Well, I was just
kind of thirsty.

And I wanted a glass of water.

I didn't notice
whose house it was.

It was Dr. Barry's house.

No kidding.

You know, I was wondering why
he was wearing that white coat.

That's a coincidence.

Yes, isn't it?

Small world.

Isn't it, though?

Sure is.

Jeff.

Yeah?

Suppose you tell me what
you were doing in there.

Well, what's there to tell?
Gee whiz, Mom, I was only...

Jeff, dear, you
put up a great fight.

But you've just
been counted out.

Yesterday I was
walking down the street.

And Tommy Hendricks drove up.

He doesn't have a license.

And I should have thought,
but I just didn't think.

Dr. Stone speaking.

Hello, Doctor.

This is Dr. Barry.

Well, hello, Dr. Barry.

Welcome to our fair
city, and who needs you?

Only joking.

There's more than enough
children for the two of us.

- Nice to have you here.
- Well, thanks very much.

But I must say I've had a
rather odd introduction to Hilldale.

This afternoon a patient named
John Smith came to see me.

Oh, what was it, a scalp
wound from Pocahontas' father?

Yeah?

Yes, that's my boy, Jeff.

Sprained arm, you say?

He was quite
well-versed in anatomy,

which led me to suspect
a medical background.

And when I saw from his
book that his name was Stone,

I consulted my Yellow Pages.

And here we are.

What's the matter, Doctor?

Can't he afford your prices?

Well, as a matter of fact, we...

Well, when a new
doctor comes to town,

we like to send out a spy
to find out how good he is.

Yes, well...

Yes, thank you
for calling, Doctor.

I'll check right into it.

Yes, I hope we can
get together very soon.

All right. Goodbye.

What's the matter with you?

Oh, nothing.

You don't look very well.

Do you need medical attention?

Who, me, Daddy? I feel fine.

Well, tell me, if you did
need medical attention,

whom would you go to?

Well, Daddy, you, of course.

That's my good, loyal girl.

But I've just discovered
that your brother

paid a professional visit to
the new pediatrician, Dr. Barry.

My goodness.

I can't understand why
he'd do that. Can you?

I don't know, Daddy. Boys
his age do strange things.

It's the nature of the beast.

He had a sprained arm.

Obviously he didn't
want me to know about it.

Probably it wasn't even
worth bothering about.

Well, then why did he
bother to take it to Dr. Barry?

Well, I don't know, Daddy.

Maybe he couldn't
afford your prices.

That's the second time in five
minutes I've heard that joke.

And once was too much.

Now, look, honey, if you
know anything about this,

it's your duty as a
good, loyal girl to...

Hi, Dad.

Well, Mr. John Smith, I presume.

Why don't you go on
upstairs for a moment?

How did you know
about John Smith?

Dr. Barry called me.

Now, I may not be a
better doctor than he is.

But for members of
the immediate family,

my office is a little
more convenient.

So if you wouldn't
mind telling me.

Yes, dear. Have a chair.

He didn't charge me anything.

Thanks, anyway.

That's all right, Jeff.

At least your arm wasn't
broken or anything.

I'm awfully glad about that.

Guess you're about the only
friend I got left around here.

Oh, Jeff, it's not that bad.

Oh, no?

Did you see the way Dad
looked at me when I came in?

Like I stabbed him in the back.

Oh, he doesn't feel that
way. I'm sure he doesn't.

Remember the time when
my bicycle got smashed

and I had to go on
the trip with the guys?

Dad stayed up
till 12:00 to fix it.

That's the kind of father he is.

He had to have me for a son.

Jeff, stop it. You're
gonna make me cry.

Oh, go ahead.

It's all right for a girl to
cry, but I'm not supposed to.

He said the reason he went

was that he didn't
want to let you down,

especially after what
you said the other night.

Do you know who's really
to blame for all of this?

Mrs. Wilgus.

I'll tell you who's
to blame for all this.

We are, you and I, for listening
to the likes of Mrs. Wilgus

and letting them run our lives.

Jeff?

Come on down.

Dad, I'm awful sorry.

I'll make a statement
to the newspapers.

And I'll say that
it was all my fault,

that you set me a fine example
and brought me up perfectly,

and that I'm just naturally bad.

Jeff, you didn't let me down

when you had that
accident with Tommy.

That wasn't your fault.

But when you ran away from it,

when you run away from anything,
you're letting yourself down.

And you did let me down when
you decided not to tell me about it.

But after all you said
about responsibility.

Yes, that's important.

There's something more
important than my job as a doctor.

It's my job as your father.

I'd rather be a
second-rate doctor

than a second-rate father.

Do you understand?

Isn't Daddy wonderful?

I've always thought so.

Jeff, there's nothing
you could ever do

that I wouldn't stand behind.

But if ever you don't
tell me what you've done,

I'll not only stand behind
you, I'll go to work on you.

I'll get it.

Hello, Mrs. Wilgus.

Yeah, hello, Mrs. Stone.

As you know, I'm the
last one to carry tales.

Oh, no one knows
that better than I.

I would rather cut out my tongue
than cause you any distress.

Of course.

Did you know that
Tommy Hendricks

took his father's automobile
and had an accident?

I believe I did hear about that.

Did you hear there
was a little boy with him?

Yes, I heard that, too.

Did you, by any chance,

know that the little
boy was your little boy?

Yes, Mrs. Wilgus.

Oh.

Well, it wouldn't be so
bad for an ordinary little boy.

But for the son of a doctor...

Just a minute, Mrs. Wilgus.

We're all fully aware of
the fact that I'm a doctor.

But are you aware that
a doctor and his family

are entitled to live
according to the same rules

that apply to everybody else?

Well, but, after all...

Now, Jeff made
a serious mistake.

But he's not a bad boy.

On the other hand, he's
not a plaster saint, either.

He's a boy.

Now, I think the
rest of our neighbors

understand this, Mrs. Wilgus.

And I can only hope
that you do, too.

And, well, just look
upon us as neighbors.

I only came over here

because I thought it was
something you ought to know.

Well, that's very
thoughtful of you.

What else is new, Mrs. Wilgus?

We're always hungry for news.

Drop in anytime.

It's too bad that doctors have
to spend so much of their time

with their heads under
those hot X-ray machines.

Goodbye.

Bye, Mrs. Wilgus.

What was that?!

It sounded like glass breaking!

It sounded like a broken window.

That's what it was...
The window in my room.

I was testing my arm to
see if it was okay again.

And, well, the basketball
slipped out of my hand.

I'm sorry for it.

But I'm not trying to
say it wasn't my fault.

That's very noble of you, son.

I just wanted to prove
that I learned my lesson.

You have another
lesson to learn.

People who break windows
have to pay for them.

Well, gee, suppose they
don't have any money?

They earn it.

Or it's deducted
from their allowance.

Well, suppose they have
a wonderful sister with $7?

Oh, no, you don't.

I'd give you $7
for a broken arm,

but not one penny
for a broken window.

Do you have anything
further to say for yourself?

Yes, I do... Is there
anyplace around here

where I can sign up
for the foreign legion?