The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 1, Episode 15 - Mary's Double Date - full transcript

Morning, everybody.

Good morning.

Bye, everybody.

Wait a minute, young lady.

You're not going to
school without breakfast.

All right, Mother.

But I have to meet
Linda in five minutes.

You know, she's
reached the stage

where her figure means
more to her than hot cakes.

Now, me, I prefer to be lumpy.

I buttered it for you to
keep you on schedule.



Thank you.

Hey, you're wearing
your best perfume.

What's the occasion?

There's my best perfume
behind those ears.

I knew you wouldn't
mind, Mother.

This is a very important day.

You know, I have a
crucial decision to make.

Crucial? That means boys.

No, I have to decide
whether to let Phil

take me to the junior
prom or to let Ernie.

Well, get Cleopatra.

She lets them.

I thought Phil was taking you.

And I thought Ernie
was taking you.



Oh, well, they're
both simply divine.

Let's see. Phil
plays the right tackle.

Ernie plays the left tackle.

They're both real
good-looking too.

But, well, I think I like
Ernie a little bit better.

He has such a cute smile.

Well, honey, the
dance is tomorrow night.

Why don't you let Ernie
know you'll go with him?

Well, there's one little
complication, Daddy.

Ernie's going
steady with Angela.

Well, that should
narrow it down.

Well, no, Mother.
They're quarreling.

Well, it is a shame.

But in the meantime, I've
been trying to avoid Phil,

who's dying to ask me
and won't ask another girl

until I give him
a definite answer,

which I won't
do until I find out

if Ernie broke up with Angela.

Well, really, it's
all very simple.

More coffee?

You know, I give little boys

vitamins and calcium
and phosphorus

to make sure they grow
up with strong backbones.

Then they meet my
little girl, and putty.

Well, if this is what
girls are gonna do to me,

I don't want to grow up.

Gentlemen, gentlemen.
Don't get panicky.

This is standard
operating procedure.

How does Charlie James
fit into this jigsaw puzzle?

I thought you liked him.

Of course I like Charlie,
Daddy. He's terribly nice.

Only everywhere I go, there's
Charlie like adhesive tape.

What do you want to bet?

Oh, hello, Charlie.

Good morning,
Charlie. How are you?

Hello, Mary.

Hello, Charlie.

Have you had breakfast?

Oh, yes, thank you.
I have, Mrs. Stone.

But not hot cakes.

We can take care of that.

Well, excuse me,
everybody, but I have to run.

Here. Let me. I'll take those.

Never mind the hot cakes.

I thought I'd walk
you to school.

That's very sweet
of you Charlie,

but I'm going with Linda.

Her father's driving us.

Well, he has a sports car,
and there's only room for three.

- Tomorrow morning, maybe?
- Well, sure. If you want to.

Oh, sure, I do.

Oh, if I take this book back
to the library, I'll be late.

Well, I'll take it back. I
don't mind being late.

Thank you, Charlie.

Would you be a darling and
pick up my scarf at Lucy's house?

- It's on the way.
- I'll get it.

Okay. Thank you, Charlie.

Bye, everybody.

Bye, Charlie.

Goodbye.

Goodbye, Daddy.

Wait a minute, missy.

If you feel that
way about Charlie,

why do you impose on him?

Daddy, you don't understand.

If I didn't let Charlie
do these things for me,

I'd just break his heart.

I guess some boys are
just born to be doormats.

And some girls are
born with big feet.

What do you know
about life, Jeff?

You're so callow.

Goodbye, everybody.

Hey, hold it! You're
gonna give me a lift.

I'll sit on your lap.

Bye, Mom. Dad.

Goodbye, Jeff.

When that girl comes
home from school today,

we're going to have a
little father-daughter talk.

Now, darling.
Wait just a minute.

Look, darling.

If Charlie is that
devoted to her,

there isn't much
she can do about it.

Besides, he's a bright
boy. He'll wise up.

What about this
Phil-Ernie routine

that's playing off one
boy against the other?

Do you approve of that?

Well, I can't say that I do.
But it's been done before.

Any girl ever treated me like
that, I'd cross her off my list.

It's too late, dear.

You already have
two children by that girl.

You dropped your scarf, Mary.

Well, thank you, Charlie.

Here! I'll carry
those home for you.

Well, I'm not going home.

I'm going over to
Marjorie's house.

Well, I'll meet you there.
Then I'll walk you home.

Well, you know Marjorie...

She might have to
practice the violin.

So I think I'll go over
to Janie's instead.

Well...

all right.

I'll track you down.

I brought your books back
to the library this morning.

Did you, Charlie? Thank you.

Yeah. There was
a fine of 4 cents.

- I paid it.
- You're a dear.

Charlie, would you run
down to the bookstore

and get me an eraser?

Sure! Which kind?

Any kind. Just hurry.

Okay.

- Hi, Mary.
- Hi, Ernie.

- Coming to the game next week?
- Are you kidding?

I wouldn't miss
it for the world.

If you want, I
can get you a seat

in the first row of
the cheering section.

That's very thoughtful
of you, Ernie.

But I don't want to put you out.

I know you're already
getting one for Angela.

I'm not so sure about that.

You're not still
quarreling, are you?

Well...

You'll patch it up
before the junior prom?

I'm not so sure I'm
taking her to the prom.

I guess that's a decision
you'll have to make.

Hi, Phil.

Hi, chick.

Hey, what's the matter,
boy? You're dragging.

Well, he has a problem.

For one thing, he doesn't know
who he's taking to the dance.

As a matter of
fact, I don't either.

But I got a pretty good idea.

Any girl would be glad to go

with the best right
tackle in the league.

But, then, a right tackle is

nothing without
a great left tackle.

A left tackle is nothing
without a right tackle.

Don't you agree?

Yeah.

That's right.

Look, Mary. I've
got to go fix my car.

That reminds me.

When do I get back
my ratchet wrench?

What's the rush? You'll get it.

I'll call you about 5:00.

Okay. Goodbye, Ernie.

Bye.

- Hi, Mother.
- Hi, Mary.

Mother, what time is
it? My watch stopped.

It's about 4:15. Why?

Thank goodness. I made it.

I'm expecting calls
from Phil and Ernie.

They're both gonna
ask me to the prom.

Phil's the left tackle.

No. The right tackle.

Mother, when the phone
rings, I want you to answer it.

If it's Phil, tell
him I'm not home.

But I'm not sure if
Ernie will really call.

But I don't want to
take Phil's call first,

because he might
break up with Angela.

Is Phil still fighting
with Angela?

No, Ernie.

- The right tackle.
- No. The left tackle.

He's the one that I
really want to go with.

Honey, let's get this straight.

Now, the boy you really
want to ask you is...

Hiya, Charlie.

Hi. Is Mary home?

I think I heard her out back.

Boy, is your sister
hard to catch up with.

Mother, that's Charlie.

I've been dodging
him all afternoon.

I'm gonna go next
door to Linda's.

- Will you get rid of him?
- Honey, that's not nice.

If I get that call while
I'm gone, tell him I'll go.

I've been tracking her from
Margie's to Janie's to Agnes's.

I'm not as young
as I used to be.

Then you ought to
have her for a sister.

I'll be gray before I'm 12!

Charles, I've been wanting
to talk to you about Mary.

Don't you have some
homework to do?

I can learn more right here.

Okay, Mom. I submit
to your double whammy.

Now, Charles. The
problem is tomorrow night.

Do you have a date?

Not yet. But I was
kind of hoping.

Well, it might be wiser
to forget about Mary.

You don't understand,
Mrs. Stone.

I love Mary.

Well, I guess I
didn't understand.

Charles...

may I give you a
few words of advice

about the female of the species?

Watch out.

The female can be a
sweet and loving creature.

But you must be firm with her.

If you're a shrinking violet,
she'll be a lawn mower.

Am I getting through to you?

You mean I'm too
easygoing with her?

Before you'll have
a chance with Mary,

you've got to learn to say no.

How can I say no to Mary?

It's not that difficult.
You can do it.

Come on out here.

Look. We'll give it a try.

I'll be Mary.

No, no. You stand right there.

Charlie, would you take my
books back to the library, please?

Sure!

No. Now, wait a minute.

You snapped
into it like a robot.

We've got to break that habit.

Yeah. I guess I wasn't thinking.

Charlie, you've got to
learn to say no to Mary.

Now, let me see.

Try this.

Clench your fists.

Close your eyes. Tight.

Charlie, would you be a darling

and take my books back
to the library, please?

No.

Wonderful.

Attaboy, Charlie.

Dr. Stone.

- You needn't laugh.
- I'm not laughing.

You have a very sound
psychological basis.

It takes a lot of
courage, Charlie.

But if you say no to a woman,
you'll intrigue her immediately.

I'll go home and practice.

Thanks, Mrs. Stone!
You're a peach!

So are you, sir!

Thank you.

Speaking as an ex-boy, I
hope Charlie can pull this off.

Hello?

No, Mary isn't here. Who's this?

Phil.

Yes, I see.

He wants to take
her to the prom.

Phil, Mary left a
message for you.

Just a second.

Is Phil the left tackle
or the right tackle?

I don't know.

Are you the left tackle?

The right tackle.

I think right is right.

Mary said she'd be delighted
to go to the prom with you.

You're welcome. Goodbye.

I hope right was right.

Hi, Mother. I saw Charlie leave.

This is my day.

Ernie stopped over
to Linda's house

to copy her geometry homework.

He told me that he
was through with Angela

and asked me to the prom.

So when Phil calls, you
can tell him that I can't go.

What have I done?

What do you mean,
what have you done?

Honey, Phil just called,
and I told him that...

You didn't.

You didn't tell Phil
I'd go with him?

Mother, you've
ruined me socially.

Honey, I'm sorry
this has happened.

But it's not that serious.

And, besides, it's really
your own doing, you know?

If you're gonna
live by the sword,

you must be prepared
to die by the sword.

Daddy.

Darling.

I know you want to run
and comfort her, but...

Mother, my dress
is simply divine.

Mrs. Ludwig really
outdid herself.

She certainly did. It's lovely.

Well, how come old
Charlie didn't deliver it?

Yeah, we haven't seen
old Charlie for 24 hours.

What happened to him?

I don't know. That's
the strangest thing.

Don't tell me he suddenly
dropped out of your life?

No. I saw him at school today.

I asked him to pick up a scarf
for me I left at Janie's house.

Well, what did he say?

Well, he clenched up his
fists, and he closed his eyes,

and he yelled no just
as loud as he could.

Kind of hurt my feelings.

What feelings?

What do you suppose caused
Charlie to behave like that?

Well, whatever
it is, I'm for it.

Mother, does he have to
be included in this family?

Until he grows up. Yes, dear.

You go up and put on your
dress. We all want to see you in it.

By the way, who's
going to tell you

how pretty you look in your
dress tonight... Phil or Ernie?

Ernie, of course.

I'm gonna call Phil
now and tell him.

Mary!

Am I to understand that at
5:00 on the afternoon of a dance,

you're gonna call this
boy and cancel a date?

Why didn't you tell him today?

Mother, how often does a
girl get a chance like this...

A date with two of the
most popular boys in school

at the same time?

Is this what you call
standard operating procedure?

I certainly do not.

I just made up my mind.
I'm never gonna grow up.

Jeff, be quiet.

Up to now, I've been, well,
just kind of a nobody at school.

But, well, gee, after
this gets around,

can't you see what it'll
do for my social prestige?

All I can see is

that you've made two
nice boys utterly miserable.

Don't be silly, Mother.
They don't know about it.

They haven't been speaking
to each other since yesterday.

That's fine. Fine.

That's what makes
a winning team...

When the left tackle isn't
speaking to the right tackle.

Mary, I want you to get on the
phone and call Phil this minute.

All right, Mother. I
said I was going to.

And furthermore,
apologize to him.

I don't know what's the matter
with everybody around here.

Just because two boys ask
me to the same dance, I...

- Hello?
- Hello, Mary.

Hello, Phil?

Well, hi, Phil.

This is the funniest thing,
but I was just going to call you.

Yes, it is a small world.

You see, Phil, what I was going
to call you about was tonight.

You know, the dance.

Well, it seems I've made
a slight mistake, and...

What did you say, Phil?

I said I've made a
slight mistake too.

Something's come up, Mary,
and I'm afraid I won't be able

to take you to
the dance tonight.

Yeah, I'll be there.

I'm going stag.
Hope you don't mind.

That's perfectly
all right, Phil.

He's going stag.
Isn't that wonderful?

Yes, naturally,
I'm disappointed.

But, well, that's life.

If you want to go
stag, that's up to you.

And while we're on the subject,

I'd like you to
meet a fellow stag.

Ernie?

Well, Mary, I'll
tell you how it is.

Phil and I, we're old friends,
you see, and we got to talking.

We decided it would tire you
out dancing with two dates.

So being very
considerate fellows,

neither of us is
going to take you.

Well, whatever you say, Ernie.

It's a democracy, if
that's how you feel.

Well, yes. Goodbye, Ernie.

What do butterflies feel like?

I think I have them.

Mary.

You played a dangerous
game, and you lost.

Now, no tears.

Who's crying?

I'll show them.

I'll snub them
both at the dance.

Are you going stag too?

Of course not.
I'll go with Charlie.

In fact, I'll call
him right now.

Honey.

This is zero hour.

Don't be disappointed if
Charles refuses to go with you.

Mother, in all of
your wildest dreams,

can you imagine
Charlie saying no?

I'm afraid I could.

Mother! Mother!
What am I gonna do?

Alex, this is awful.

Don't crumple.
She has it coming.

Mother, it's 8:00.

I know, dear.

I've phoned all over town.
I can't find him anywhere.

Well, keep trying. He's
trailed you often enough.

Daddy.

Mother, do you know
what his aunt's last name is?

Well, it's Stevenson?
Or Sorensen?

Where can he be?

Has it occurred to you

that he might have a
date with another girl?

Charlie with another girl?

Why not?

Faithful, sweet, wonderful
Charlie with another girl?

No, he's too nice. He'd
never do that to me.

I'll try Sorensen.

Mother, do you
really think he would?

Go with another girl?

Well, Charlie's a free citizen.

And as you said,
it's a democracy.

Alex, I can't stand
any more of this.

In the field of medicine, this
is known as the heroic remedy.

If it works, the patient
lives. If it doesn't...

Alex, It's easy to see
you've never been a mother.

That's true.

Who could that be?

I don't know.

Hello, Charlie. Come on in.

Am I glad to see you.

- Thank you, Mrs. Stone.
- What brings you here, Charlie?

Mary's scarf. She
left it at Janie's.

She asked me to
pick it up. I said no...

Saves us a fortune in scarves.

I was on my way
to the dance stag,

and then I got to
thinking she might need it.

- Ernie has an open car.
- She's not going with Ernie.

Well, Phil has an open car too.

She's not going
with Phil, either.

Charlie, she's been trying
to get you on the phone.

She wants you to
take her to the dance.

Me? She wants me?

Are you kidding? Where
is she? She wants me?

- Wait.
- Well, I heard you.

But you just said she wants me!

Yes, yes. We want you too.

But please don't
make it easy for her.

Her other dates got snafued.

Now, you're in the driver's
seat, so drive a little.

But I don't want to drive.

Remember what I told you
about building up your resistance?

Mrs. Stone, please. Not now.

Wait just a minute.

Give me a minute with
her alone. Will you do that?

Mother, he's not
at his aunt's house.

He's nowhere at all.

Mother, it's 5 after 8:00.

You know, I could
wind up sitting home?

It's quite possible.

This is the most important
affair of the whole year.

Mother, where can Charlie be?

Now, honey, don't
have hysterics.

Well, you know this
could ruin my whole life?

Yes, dear.

Now, honey, would you
sit down here, please?

You know, you wrote
this little drama yourself.

It's wonderful to be
attractive and popular.

But you have to learn
to use that power gently

and with kindness.

Now, you hardly practiced
that with Phil and Ernie.

Or with Charles.

Charles adores you.

And you've taken advantage
of this, sometimes cruelly.

I didn't mean
to. I like Charlie.

Well, I just never
thought that...

You never thought
he had any feelings.

You never thought how
you were hurting him.

To you, he was just a
puppet that you could dangle

whenever the whim moved you.

Well, he's human, and he
has some wonderful qualities.

Yeah. Yeah.

What are they?

He's generous, intelligent,
straightforward, and loyal.

And it's time you stopped
pushing him around.

You said it.

Charlie.

Where are you going? Charlie!

You know, there's an old saying.

When you handle
yourself, use your head.

When you handle
others, use your heart.

Mother, I've been
horrible, and I know it.

Poor, sweet, wonderful Charlie.

If only he'd show up now.

I wonder who that could be?

Well, Charlie. Good evening.

- Good evening, Dr. Stone.
- Come in.

- Good evening, Charles.
- Good evening, Mrs. Stone.

Hello, Charlie.

Hello, Mary.

Are you on your way to the prom?

I don't have a date
tonight, it seems.

So I guess I'll just stay
home and read a book.

Well, I don't have a date
either, so I thought I'd take...

take myself down
to the bowling alley

and bowl a game or two.

Would you rather do that?

Well, no, I'd really rather...

just sit home and watch TV.

But I need the exercise.

I see.

Come to think of it,
dancing is exercise.

Yes, it is, Charlie.
It's very good exercise.

I guess I'll go to
the dance after all.

Want to come along?

Yes, Charlie.

I'd rather go with you
than with anybody.

Well, come on, then.

Okay. Just a minute.

- Good night, Daddy.
- Good night, sweetie.

- Have fun.
- I sure will.

- Wait a minute.
- What's wrong?

I was just thinking.

I've been getting too
much exercise lately.

Oh, no.

Yeah, you better start
taking your own books

back to the library.

I'd be glad to. I'd
love to, Charlie.

And you better start
taking bending exercises.

You're gonna have
to start picking up

those scarves
you drop at school.

Yes, Charlie. Anything
you say, Charlie.

Okay. Let's go.

Okay.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Charlie, after the dance,
Linda and Janie and their dates

are going to the Purple
Pup for hamburgers.

Is that all right with you?

No, I don't like the Purple Pup.
We'll go to the Green Onion.

Well, if you prefer the Green
Onion, that's where we'll go.

I prefer the Green Onion.

Hi, Mary.

Hi, Phil. Hi, Ernie.

Say, Mary, can I
have the next dance?

Just a second,
buddy. I got here first.

How about it, Mary?

Well, you'll both
have to ask Charlie.

What do you say?

All right.

I'll allow you one
dance between you.

After this one.