The Dangerous Book for Boys (2018): Season 1, Episode 3 - How to Be an Explorer - full transcript

Welcome to
the south pole, son--
where all directions face north.
I wonder if that's why
penguins are always
walking in circles...
their GPS devices
are going nuts.
This is amazing, Dad.
- - Look at all that snow.
Remember that time Liam
tricked Dash
into thinking that
yellow snow meant
that there was
gold buried underneath?
Yeah, and he started digging
like crazy with his bare hands.
His bare hands, yeah.
Yeah, now that was amazing.
Yeah.
Everything about you boys is.
Hey, look.
I think that's Elephant Island,
where Ernest Shackleton led
his Antarctic expedition
in 1914.
I'm reading about it
in The Dangerous Book.
You're still reading the book.
Makes me happy.
It makes me happy too.
Whoa.
How did a walrus get onboard?
Ooh! Uh, that's no walrus, son.
That's Ernest's wife,
the Lady Shackleton. Be nice.
Yes, unfortunately,
we didn't have orthodontists
back at the turn of the century.
Sorry, Mom--I mean,
Lady Shackleton.
Boy, she really needs
some serious headgear.
I wish her aim was
as bad as her teeth.
Uh, Wyatt
And who the heck
is Lady Shackleton?
Uh...sorry, Mr. Tree.
Just someone I confused
for a walrus.
Thanks for coming in,
Mrs. McKenna.
Of course.
All...I'm just surprised
that, this time, it's for Wyatt.
You know,
he's never been
the problem before.
Yes, we have had a fair number
of tête-à-têtes
regarding Dash's behavior...
and Liam was never shy about
speaking his mind in class.
But...
this is a first for Wyatt.
He's a wonderful boy,
but we've just been noticing
some odd behavior
ever since
your husband's passing.
My condolences again,
by the way.
Thank you.
Yeah, Wyatt's...
he's been
in the clouds a little
recently.
You know, I guess we all have.
This might just be his way
of coping with the loss.
Our school counselor thought
it might be a good idea
for him to actually speak
with a therapist.
Yeah, of-of course.
You know, whatever he needs.
Do you think I should have
his brothers see someone also?
Let's start
with the easy one.
Yeah, okay.
I'm just gonna
have to figure out
how I'm gonna pay for it.
Um, money's been
- a little tight recently.
- Oh, I can suggest
a clinic.
Um, I went there
to quit smoking.
It was the only place
I could afford
on a public school salary.
I am down to
two packs of nicotine gum
and three shoulder patches
a day.
So clearly, they know
what they're doing.
Sure.
Hey, well, thank you,
Mr. Dunnan.
Um...and don't take this
the wrong way,
but I hope not to be back
in this chair any time soon.
Mr. Dunnan,
Dash McKenna was sent
to us again.
It's not my fault!
Ask the lunch lady
when she wakes up.
Back in the chair.
Ah!
The Page of Pentacles.
There may be a positive
financial venture
- in your future.
- Perfect.
Uh, now, uh...
do the cards say anything
specifically about Lucky Louie
in the seventh at Ascot Park?
Terry, you know
they don't work that way.
What kind of odds
are you getting?
Well, he's-- Did I take
a wrong turn and end up
in the dark ages?
Tarot cards
Be careful, Liam.
You don't wanna tempt the fates.
"The fates."
It's all mumbo-jumbo.
the Constitution,
trickle-down economics,
and the sugary deliciousness
of Crunch Berry cereal.
- It is delicious.
- We're living
in an age of science, people.
These cards are quackery,
pure and simple.
I wouldn't be so sure.
The powers of the Universe
existed long before
your precious science.
Well, you can keep
living in the dark,
but I don't have to,
'cause I can turn on a light.
Invented by a scientist.
Who was inspired
by the Universe.
That was mapped by a scientist.
Maybe in this dimension.
Whoa...mind blown.
That...
You know what?
Maybe you're right.
Let's see what
your kooky cards say.
Abracadabra and hocus-pocus.
Uh-oh.
The five swords.
I think the Universe might
have put a hex on you.
A hex.
Yeah, right.
Okay, careful, Liam.
Soccer star David Beckham
once said the same thing
to a voodoo priestess.
She put a foot-shrinking spell
on him.
Now he buys all his shoes
at Baby Gap.
Career over.
I'm not sure
that's entirely factual,
but the point is
to not tempt the Universe.
Consider it tempted.
You hear that, universe?
Come and get me.
I welcome your he--
Liam?
Psych.
I told you,
there's no such thing
as a hex.
I would've done that anyway.
This stupid dishwasher.
Everything comes out
dirtier than when it went in.
Ah! I'll grab those.
You washed your shoes
in the dishwasher?
- Mm-hmm.
- It's a dishwasher.
Terry, it's right in the name.
I only put 'em in
so it'd be a full load.
Always thinking responsibly.
And for the record,
these aren't shoes.
They are Crocs.
Okay, well, when
the dishwasher breaks
and we need to get a new one,
who's gonna pay for it?
Because I sure can't.
Are you okay, Beth?
Oh.
It's just...
It's just little things
like this, you know?
Like, I feel like--sometimes
I feel like I'm doing okay,
and then everything just...
it just comes crashing down.
Come here.
But I can't let
the kids see it, you know?
I have to...
oh, I gotta get it together.
I gotta make things happy
and normal for them, you know?
Beth, you are the most
amazing woman I know...
and I once met
Ellen DeGeneres.
Thank you.
Hey, Mom, did you...
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm okay.
I was just, um...
C-cutting onions
for my oat...meal.
- Yeah.
- You put onions
- in your oatmeal?
- Oh, I put onions
in everything--
except onion soup,
which I prefer to make
with leeks.
Oh, uh, Wyatt--
you have an appointment
for the doctor today...
just, you know,
make sure you're doing okay.
So just like a checkup?
Yeah.
Something like that.
Okay.
Okay.
Hi there, Wyatt.
I am...
...not that kind of doctor.
You're not
Well, I am more of
a doctor for feelings.
So we're just gonna
be talking today,
but if you're more comfortable
doing that in your underpants,
- that is absolutely--
- Oh, no.
Um, I'm definitely,
definitely not.
I'm Dr. Stevenson,
but you can call me Kay.
'Kay...I mean, okay...
Kay?
So, Wyatt, why don't you
tell me what's been going on?
- Not much, really.
- Well, I understand
that you lost your father.
I'm really very sorry.
Yeah.
Is there anything you'd like
to talk about?
Well...there is one thing.
My dad left this book
for me and my brothers...
and ever since then...
...there's been
some weird stuff happening.
Oh, yeah
I don't know.
I guess...
I don't want you to think
that I'm cuckoo.
Well, that's not really
a term we use around here.
I just want you
to feel comfortable.
I talk to kids all the time,
so believe me.
I am happy to hear
whatever you have to say.
You'd be surprised
by some of the stories.
I mean, everything's...
- Dad.
- Hey, champ.
Why am I here?
I thought a jungle adventure
might cheer you up.
You always loved animals.
Plus, I heard someone say
something
about a cuckoo bird
somewhere around here.
No, I mean, why am I here...
talking to a non-underwear
doctor?
Well...
Hey, Dash.
What are you doing here?
Searching for the lost city
of El Doritos.
Don't you mean El Dorado?
As long as they have
Cool Ranch flavor,
I don't care what you call it.
I smell jalapeños.
That way!
Your brother always did
have a keen sense of smell.
Dad?
I really think Mom's
worried about me.
Should I be worried about me?
Well, your mom loves you
more than anything.
And if she wanted you
to see a doctor,
I'm sure it's for the best.
But...does that mean
I am a cuckoo bird?
No, son.
Not at all.
But that is.
Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!
Wyatt?
- - Hate to interrupt
your daydream,
but our time is up.
So maybe next time you can
tell me about Doritos
or jalapeños, or whatever else
you're daydreaming about.
Hah.
Nice try, universe.
You know,
I really think
I missed my calling.
I could've been a foot model.
These piggies definitely
should've gone to market.
- I'm a little worried, Tiffany.
- Relax, Beth.
I'm not ditching you
for the foot model circuit.
It's way too much politics
to deal with.
No, I'm talking about Wyatt.
Dr. Stevenson wants
to see him again.
That's not so bad.
I prefer Ayurvedic healing
over conventional psychotherapy,
but whatever helps, you know?
It's just so hard pretending
that everything is normal
and fine, you know?
But I need to keep
the kids' spirits up.
Yeah, that's all that matters
right now, right?
Beth, kids are like the moon.
They go through phases.
Sometimes they're...
full of wonderment and joy,
sometimes they're hidden
by clouds and...
disappear for a few days.
The most important thing
to remember
is that kids,
just like the moon,
need a strong center
to orbit around.
Wow.
That's really profound.
Although, did you just suggest
that's it okay
for kids to disappear
for a few days?
Days, weeks, whatever.
You know what?
Maybe a family game of Twister.
That's always fun.
I wonder if we still
have that board.
Something you'd like
to talk about?
Nope.
It was just another average,
non-eventful day.
Looks to me like you had
a "hex-cellent" day.
There's no hex.
Statistically speaking,
at some point in my life,
a simultaneous bird-squirrel
attack was inevitable.
No, sweetheart.
The odds of it happening
were 50/50.
Either the Universe
put a hex on you
or it didn't.
And it did.
What up?
Hey, Dash.
- Can I ask you something?
- You just did.
Can I ask you something else?
You just did.
I can--I can do this all day.
Come on, I'm serious.
Have you noticed
anything strange
happening since we got The Dangerous Book?
Well, ever since we got
the book...
I...I...
You're not gonna laugh, are you?
No.
No, not at all.
What is it?
I can see through walls.
S-s-seriously?
Of course not, lame-o!
No one can see through walls.
I mean, it's an awesome book,
but it's just a book.
What !
Come on! Ow!
I'm in a tough spot here.
I love making fun of you,
but I also love
- watching Liam suffer.
- Get away from me!
- Get away!
- Sorry, leaving wins.
Hello?
No...Patrick McKenna isn't here.
No, he won't be home
any time soon.
Please take us off your list.
Hey, Mom.
Hey, there's my little
Wyatt Earp.
What do you think about
a game night tonight?
So now, I mean,
I couldn't find Twister,
but I did find the board
from Monopoly
and some wedges
from Trivial Pursuit.
- Hm?
- Uh...
I'm not really
in the mood right now.
Oh, no, come on!
It could be fun.
I mean, we could invent
a new game
like your dad used to do.
We'll call it, like, um,
"Triv-opoly" or "Monopo-suit."
That's okay.
Maybe another time.
Tiffany, you gotta get those
tarot cards back out.
The race was a disaster!
- Lucky Louie didn't win
He was still running
when they started the next race.
Maybe somebody
put a whammy on the jockey.
You know, he did have
unusually tiny feet.
The horse or the jockey?
Both!
This whole family is cuckoo.
How can I not be?
The hoof--the hooves
were definitely small.
Good news.
I think
you're about to be off the hook
for the desk standing stuff.
Word on the street is
Nicky Dermer had to use
his emergency pair of underwear.
Mr. McKenna.
Would you like to come to
the board
and solve this equation?
I realize I posed that
as a question,
but you don't really
have a choice.
Cuckoo.
"Bad hair day."
But this is the look
I was going for.
What's the matter, kiddo?
Dad...
Am I crazy?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
C-come here.
Come here.
Come here, Wyatt.
No, you're not crazy.
W...why would you think that?
I don't know.
It just seems like
our whole family is nuts.
- And I keep seeing you, and...
- Ah.
I get it.
Let's take a look
at my specimen shelf, here.
That is Galileo.
And that's good old Socrates.
Two of the most creative
and famous geniuses in history.
Know what they had
in common?
They were both really tiny?
Well, yeah.
But they were also both
once considered crazy.
Were they?
Nope.
They changed the way
we see the world,
using only their brains
and their imagination.
So did Marie Curie.
So did Georgia O'Keeffe.
Everyone's imagination
has the power
to transform the Universe,
Wyatt.
But not everyone
can tap into it.
You think maybe
that's what I'm doing?
Maybe.
Or maybe your imagination
is helping you
to deal
with a difficult situation.
You are not crazy.
Thanks, Dad.
I'm just really glad
I get to keep seeing you.
Yeah, me too.
What do you say we take a crack
at Einstein's...
I mean... What do you say
we take a crack at my theory
of gravitational waves?
I have no idea what that means,
but...sure.
Incredible.
Al-although the answer
we were looking for
was 1 and 2/3.
Whoo!
Okay.
Damn it.
Why aren't you working?
Nothing is working.
Are you okay, Mom?
I'm sorry, Wyatt.
Sorry.
- For what?
- Because...
Because it's Thursday.
On Thursdays,
your dad always made us
his famous grilled sandwiches
and I just...I can't
get his darn machine to work.
- No.
-
What's going on?
I'm sorry.
You guys, I'm trying
to keep it normal for you,
and I'm trying
to keep things happy,
but I can't.
I can't do it,
and I can't hide it anymore.
It's okay, Mom.
It's okay to be sad.
We all are.
I know I am.
Me too.
I guess...this is just
how it's gonna have to be
for a while, but...
it'll get better.
We can make it happen.
We can make anything happen.
Yeah, we're all gonna be okay.
We'll be okay.
Hm?
I love you guys.
I just wish that
I could've gotten
your dad's Sub-Sub to work,
you know?
I loaded all the ingredients in,
but nothing happened.
Let me take a look.
Oh!
That was amazing!
Can we do exploding sandwiches
every Thursday?
- I'm ready.
- Did you get everything?
I think so.
Two roly-polys,
four dog fingernails,
lock of human hair...
and half of a fresh fig.
Yum.
Oh, that's pure potassium-bomb.
Undoing a hex is
a very complicated procedure.
They can't just be removed.
They have to be transferred...
into another vessel.
Liam Gloucester McKenna...
are you prepared
to humble yourself
before the Universe?
So prepared.
I give you Liam,
who humbly repents
for having doubted you.
Yeah.
Super sorry!
And from this day forward...
he promises never... Uh-oh.
The Bachelorette's
about to start.
Um, promises to not ever
doubt the Universe again,
keep an open mind,
et cetera, et cetera.
Okay, the hex is off you
and in that glass of water.
Get rid of it.
Wait...what?
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.
Wait.
That's it
What's off, dweeb?
Uh...
Nothing.
- - Ow, my foot!
Ow, the rest of me!