The Crown (2016–…): Season 4, Episode 2 - Episode #4.2 - full transcript

Allow a little bit
for the wind, sir.

It's just off to the left.

Adjust the sight to 100 yards.

And we release the lock…

And gently squeeze the trigger.

Is dead?

No.

You hit him, sir,
but that's him away now, wounded.

- So we go after him.
- No. No, no.

See that wee stream down there?

That is the border where our estate ends
and our neighbor's estate begins.



And we never cross that line, ever.

- Morning, Your Majesty.
- Morning.

Just to say that the prime minister

and Mr. Thatcher are expected to arrive
at around 3:00 p.m. tomorrow.

Thank you.

- What's all the excitement?
- Morning, Mummy.

- Good morning.
- Morning, Mummy.

- Morning.
- Are you going to tell her or am I?

Go on. I can see you're bursting to.

Our head gamekeeper had a telephone call
this morning from the neighboring estate.

It seems one of their commercial guests…

Japanese, apparently.

…shot and wounded a grand stag,

which has now crossed over
onto Crown land and needs...



Needs finishing off
on compassionate grounds.

- Am I telling this or are you?
- Well, get on with it, then.

Anyway.

It's an imperial, apparently.

- Fourteen points.
- Really?

Hence the excitement,

hence us changing all our plans
so that we can get out there today.

- But we have engagements.
- Not anymore.

- I've canceled everything.
- What?

Come on, Mummy.

We all know there hasn't been one that big
shot on this estate since…

And it might be nice
to find one to rival him.

- Eclipse him.
- A rival and enemy.

Glowering at him across the room.

Question is,
whose name will be underneath it?

- Mine.
- Mine.

- Mine.
- Mine.

- No, mine. There's not a question.
- Well, it won't be yours.

- Mine.
- Stop it!

Mine.

You were very kind to have come.

Oh, I loved it. I adore Verdi.

He's so… so romantic.

Yes. But to focus simply on romance

diminishes Verdi's legacy
and political influence.

His music played such a key role
in the Italian unification, too.

Gosh. Really?

Do you have a busy summer?

No, I'll be in London for most of it.

I'm embarrassingly available,
if that's what you're asking.

I'll be in Zimbabwe for a couple of weeks
and then Scotland.

But perhaps we can meet again
in the autumn.

- Oh dear. You'd rather not.
- No, it's just such a long way away.

- Oh, it'll fly by!
- No, it won't.

It'll drag horribly. But all good things
come to those who wait.

Your chaperone
would never allow anything more.

She'll do whatever you tell her.
Granny's the most hideous snob.

Good night.

- Was that very frigid?
- Yes.

- But perfectly gentlemanly.
- Princely.

Sorry. Princely.

I thought we might begin today
with plans for the forthcoming Budget,

which the chancellor and I
have now had an opportunity to discuss.

Given the very pressing need

to bring public sector borrowing
and inflation under control,

this government will embark
on what Geoffrey has confirmed

is one of the boldest
and most far-reaching programs

of fiscal correction
this country has ever known.

With respect, Margaret…

Four billion in spending cuts?

Strict new spending limits
on government departments,

the abolition
of the 25 pence rate of tax…

This isn't a correction.

- It's butchery.
- You're trying to move too fast.

That is because I am in a hurry.

- Anyone with any experience...
- Or sense.

…would see that the decimation
of the public sector and heavy industry

would risk the specter
of mass unemployment…

Social unrest.

And fly in the face
of everything we stand for.

Hear, hear.

Remind me.

What is it we stand for?

We are the Conservative Party.

We stand for conservatism, caution.

Stability.

Moderation.

Thank you, gentlemen.
Prime Minister.

These are our priorities,

not some wholesale reconfiguration
of the state and its institutions.

It's too rash, it's too reckless,

and you risk
turning not only the country against us

but your own party,

your own colleagues, us, against you.

Nice and still, please.
Three, two, one.

Thank you.

The way those men patronize me,

lecture me.

Those squires and grandees…

Upper-class bastards.

And their ideas,

their solutions
to the problems this country faces,

so unimaginative, and cautious, and…

wet.

Speaking of wet,

that's the forecast for Balmoral.

So no golf for yours truly.

My father used to give a sermon.

"God needs no faint hearts
for his ambassadors."

They are faint hearts.

And I should have kicked them out
when I had the chance.

I had a call
from Malcolm Muggeridge this morning,

who said, "Watch out for the tests."

"Oh, which tests?" said I.

"The infamous Balmoral tests," said he.

Apparently, the royal family
routinely subject all their guests

to secret tests, to find out whether
someone is acceptable or not acceptable.

U or non-U, part of the gang
or not part of the gang.

Apparently, it's ruthless,

a blood sport in itself.

Prime Minister.

- Welcome to Balmoral Castle.
- Yes.

- Mr. Thatcher.
- How do you do?

Her Majesty asked me to apologize
for not meeting you in person,

but she's out stalking
with the rest of the family.

Oh, where…

Ah…

Oh yes. Well, we'll take this one, dear,
thank you.

They're both yours, ma'am.

Oh.

Well…

Thank you, dear.

No, it's all right. It's English money,
but you can spend it in Scotland.

It's not that, sir.
Tips are left at the end of the stay.

Instructions are on the protocol sheet
on the table.

Oh. Well, go on.
Take it anyway. Won't tell a soul.

No, no, dear, I like to do that myself,
especially for my husband.

- Sorry, ma'am.
- Thank you.

Unpacking your bag?

What was she thinking?
That's a wife's job.

And two bedrooms.

I know. It's all very odd.

Are we allowed to sleep in one bed?

I shall go and check
with the protocol sheet.

What do you think 6:00 p.m. is?
Drinks or dinner?

Oh, who knows?

- What do I wear?
- What the heck? Who cares?

Well, I care.

Every house has rules,

and places like this
are all about what you wear and when.

On the plane, you said there were tests.

- Oh. So you did hear what I said.
- Of course I heard what you said.

I don't need to look at you to show you
I'm listening to what you're saying.

Well, it might be nice.

I don't have the time to be nice.

Well, I'm sure to worry about it all
would be to fail the tests.

6:00 p.m. is drinks before dinner.

Dinner is black-tie,
ergo drinks are black-tie.

I couldn't help noticing, ma'am,
you didn't bring any outdoor shoes.

That's right.

Hmm.

What a strange thing to say.

Did anyone actually see him?

Anne caught a glimpse
out by Connachcraig.

Did you get a shot off?

- Not for you either?
- No. How about this lot?

Bit early in the season, isn't he?

Most of the hinds
haven't come on heat yet.

Most likely in rut
and had broken out of the herd.

We'll have to get you
another crack at it.

We'll get him tomorrow.

Now let's sort out some tea.

I'd love a whole pot.

Right.

- Where to now?
- Oh, I hear something.

Oh, I do believe…

- Here?
- Yes.

Ah.

What are they doing?

Christ.

Prime Minister. How nice to see you.

Your Majesty.

And dressed
for dinner already.

How very thoughtful of you.

- We shall have supper early.
- Don't be ridiculous.

It's six o'clock.

Tell the kitchens we'll eat in 45 minutes.

But it's teatime.

Good boy.

Your Majesty.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Your Royal Highness.

Christ, do we think they'll come
to lunch tomorrow in their pajamas?

Well, I think we've failed that test.

Good evening. Ma'am, you're sitting
second from the end on the right,

and sir, you're sitting on the left…

I could have sworn
I heard him at one point.

- Did you call back?
- Yes, I tried. Erm…

Yes.

Mark, you do it better.

That is absolutely terrible.

Louder.

Did I hear there was a sighting
on the western shore of the loch?

Ridiculous suggestion.

- Why is that?
- Low ground. It's too open.

No, the high tops and the ridges.

That's where you'll find him.

- I see.
- Am I right?

…criminal offense to kill a perfectly
healthy breeding stag like that.

But commercial guests want trophies

and are prepared to pay
huge amounts of money,

and our neighbors
are greedy enough to take it.

I have some sympathy.

It's business.

It's not business.

It's conservation.

This is what people fail to understand.
It's pure ignorance.

Now,
how about a round of games after supper?

Number five ibble-dibble
with one dibble-ibble

calling number four ibble-dibble
with two dibble-ibbles! Ahh!

That was the best I've ever done it.

Number four ibble-dibble
with two dibble-ibbles

calling number seven ibble-dibble
with one, two, three, four…

eight dibble-ibbles!

So, number seven dibble-bibble...

- Oh, Mummy!
- No, you bibbled!

Oh no!

Margot, show Granny how it's done.

Tippity-toppity, down with the Nazis!

Number three ibble-dibble
with two dibble-ibbles

calling…

number one ibble-dibble…

…with no dibble-ibbles.

- Oh. That's you again.
- Good luck, Prime Minister.

All right.

Oh, thank you.

Number one ibble-dibble…

with no dibble-ibbles…

calling number…

ten…

ibble-dibble

with…

six dibble-ibbles.

Oh, dear.

- Well done.
- Did I get that right?

Yes, you did. Very good.

Would you mind
passing that down?

Great.

Well done.

- What was she doing?
- She was rather hopeless.

But I'm willing to give her
the benefit of the doubt.

It was probably just nerves.

Of what?

Of the situation,
of where she finds herself.

We were playing parlor games,
having fun.

Perhaps her idea of fun
is something else entirely.

Or she's incapable of it

and wouldn't know fun
if it bit her on the backside.

Well, I've taken pity on her
and invited her stalking tomorrow.

Good luck with that!

Good night.

Oh Lord,
you're not gonna start work now, are you?

Well, what choice do I have
after wasting a whole evening like that?

Oh, come on! A bit of harmless fun.

To make matters worse,

the Queen has invited me
to join her stalking tomorrow morning.

Yes, you laugh, but it means
I have to get ahead of the work now.

All right, then. Why don't I go
and sleep in the other room?

Don't you dare!

We don't want to catch
any upper-class habits.

Those that sleep apart grow apart.

It's just for one night.

And that's precisely how bad habits start.

So you can stay here, and…

well, there's a book on the bedside table.

Very well, dear, whatever you say.

I didn't realize…

- Hunting Memoirs of Balmoral Castle.
- Oh yes.

You read that while I do this.

Oh, I can't wait.

"Fifth of September, 1848."

"A letter from Prince Albert to Marie,

Dowager Duchess of Saxe-Coburg"!

"The rain has not stopped

for one minute since we arrived,

but it has not prevented me, naughty man,

from spending the whole week
creeping stealthily after glorious stags."

Stay.

Yesterday, actually,
her performance was quite poor.

Yes, I'm making myself odds-on
to bring him back by lunch.

Ha! I'll take you on that bet.

Better put your money where your mouth is.

Where is she?
He's most active in the morning.

I don't want to lose my shot.

Oh God!

Say nothing.

Prime Minister.

What a lovely morning.

Shall we?

We're in here.

We're in this one.

Thank you, John.

Come on, boy. Come on.

I'm so glad
you agreed to join us.

I didn't have you down as a sportswoman.

I'm not, ma'am.

I'm afraid we're all mad stalkers.

It was how I spent some happy times
with my father, King George.

- He taught me everything.
- My father taught me a great deal too.

What did you do together?

We worked.

Work was our play.

I worked with him in our shop.

As an alderman, he took me everywhere.

I watched as he wrote his speeches

and listened
as he rehearsed and delivered them.

It was my political baptism.

How lovely for you both.

Yes.

Now,
if you don't want to break your ankles,

you should have a think about those.

What size are you?

Five.

Oh, that's handy! Me too.

When stalking, the trick, really,
is to disappear into nature,

to preserve the element of surprise.

So next time,
you might not wear bright blue.

It means the stag can see you.

Or wear scent.

It means he can smell you.

Oh!

And now he can hear you, too.

I could go back and change.

Oh, that's an idea!

If you hurry,
you can make it back in time for lunch.

I'll be as quick as I can.

Ma'am.

Ah, Mary.

I'll drive out and join them for lunch.

Do we know where?

I think I heard them saying they're going
to the Loch Muick beach, ma'am.

Ah, yes.

No.

What are you doing?

Oh… Ah.

Your Royal Highness.

Aren't you supposed to be
out there stalking?

Yes, I was, but your sister...

No, you don't call her that.
You call her "the Queen."

She's the Queen, not my sister.

And that chair, no one sits in that chair.

- Oh, I beg your pardon.
- God, don't say that either.

Say "What?"

Begging for anything is desperate.

Begging for pardon is common.

That chair…

no one sits in that chair.

It's Queen Victoria's chair.

Oh.

And you do realize
this is supposed to be a bank holiday?

Yes, although it is hard to have a holiday

when the country is in its current state.

Mm. The country
has been in a state before.

It will doubtless be in a state again.

One learns,
when one has the benefit of experience,

that sometimes time off
is the most sensible course of action.

Hm. Well, I'm not best suited to time off.

It gives me no pleasure.

It might give you
something more important than that.

Perspective.

Good evening, Your Royal Highness.

Is there nothing I can say
to persuade you to come for the weekend?

Why? I have no place up there.

And I'm busy anyway.

Doing what?

What is so important that you decline
an invitation from the heir to the throne?

Being a mother.

And a wife.

- Well, it's never stopped you before.
- Now, now.

It's true.

You need to find a young woman who's free
to be where you want when you want

and is willing
to give up her life for you.

Like this new one.

Diana Spencer?

Mightn't she fit the bill?

Don't say that.

I'd much rather hear how jealous you are.

I would be, but…

it's not helpful, is it?

Given the situation we find ourselves in.

What's now required of you.

I'm serious. You should ring her.

And say what?

"I can't stop thinking about you."

"I can't bear to wait the whole summer
before seeing you."

"Any chance you could drop everything
and come up to Scotland now?"

Members of Mrs. Thatcher's
cabinet have expressed their alarm

at new figures showing a sharp rise
in the rate of unemployment.

Unions are blaming the increase
on the continued commitment

to a policy of wide-ranging spending cuts.

This is now
a very worrying situation indeed.

We have the most incompetent
and radical Labour opposition,

that should be in the wilderness,
now snapping at our heels.

No one would doubt the strength
of the prime minister's convictions.

But what we need is a mature
and more experienced leader

who shares our values.

The danger is, we have a prime minister
whose inexperience,

whose unwillingness to recognize
that her policy is failing

might very well
lead us over the cliff edge.

I think that many in cabinet
will now be asking

if it isn't time for a change.

Francis Pym is definite
about Mrs. Thatcher's monetarism policy…

Next up,
we've got Mark Watson from Jedburgh,

current record holder for the hammer throw
here in Braemar.

He has got to beat
Francis Stewart from Fort William.

Just back from injury,
he managed to throw it

eighty-four feet.

What am I doing here?

Miles from Westminster,

miles from reality,

wasting precious time in some…

Half-Scottish, half-Germanic cuckoo-land?

Yes.

Here's local boy Gary McNeil…

Here we go.

Here's the Duke of Edinburgh handing over
this year's haggis to young…

And I'm struggling to find

any redeeming features
in these people at all.

Remember,
the haggis must be fit to eat…

They aren't sophisticated, or cultured,

or elegant, or anything close to an ideal.

- They're…
- Boorish, snobbish, and rude?

Yes, DT.

Just like those patronizing bullies
within my own cabinet.

Mm.

All members of a certain class,
you'll notice.

Well,

if this country
really is to turn the corner,

then I say
it needs to change fundamentally.

Top to bottom.

Yes, just put that there.
Thank you. Thank you very much.

Jolly good. Thank you.

What happened?

- There was a crisis, apparently.
- Huh.

Life in post-war Britain

has been one long, painful,
uninterrupted crisis.

But no matter how bad things got,

none of the other prime ministers
left early.

- No, one could scarcely get rid of them.
- Hmm.

So how come this one
can't get away fast enough?

Perhaps we weren't very friendly.

What are you talking about?
I was incredibly friendly.

I positively gushed.

Who's that?

- Lady Diana.
- Hello.

- Welcome to Balmoral Castle.
- Thank you.

- Lady Fermoy is here for you.
- Oh.

Hello, Granny.

I hope I don't need to tell you

how fortunate you are
to have been invited here,

how unique an opportunity this is…

or how much is potentially at stake
for our family.

It's just a weekend.

The most important weekend of your life.

The Prince of Wales
has kindly promised to take me fishing.

I'm hoping
it'll be my first time in Scotland

when I manage to catch something
other than a cold.

I can't keep up. Is this one
a friend friend or a girlfriend?

In the balance, I think,

hence the invitation up here
to see if she sinks…

or swims.

I learned very quickly that wasn't right.

Not that I've ever
had much more luck with a gun.

Good morning, ma'am. 5:30.

His Royal Highness the Duke of Edinburgh

has requested you accompany him
stalking this morning.

Gosh.

- All right.
- Will you be needing anything?

Well, like what?

I just thought,
in case you have no outdoor shoes…

I only brought outdoor shoes.

Hmm.

I apologize for the early start,

but there's a reason
I asked you to join me this morning.

There's great excitement
gripping the household.

Oh, yes, the stag. It's all anyone
could talk about at dinner last night.

I don't mean about the stag.

I mean about you.

I thought this might be a time
for us to get to know one another.

Are you sure this isn't too wet?

No, I love a good watering.

You don't mind a bit of mud?

Muckier the better.
I'm a country girl at heart.

Good.

So I suppose I must have seen you
growing up on the estate at Sandringham

when you lived in the cottage there.

Yes, sir.

Where do you live now?

London, Earl's Court,
in a flat with three girlfriends.

I'm the bossy landlady.

Are you bossy?

- I like things to be neat and tidy.
- Quite right, so do I.

Does that come from the army, sir?

The navy.
And I'm the one asking the questions.

Sorry.

So is that what you do all day?
Be a landlady?

Oh, no, sir. My main job's
as my sister's cleaning lady.

Right.
Well, that's a very important job.

Yes, it is.

- I hope she pays you properly.
- One pound an hour.

Sorry, I don't know what
the going rates are for domestic cleaning.

Well, that's a very top rate.

Only for the very best
executive-level cleaners.

- Is it?
- No!

It's a complete rip-off.
I don't know why I do it.

Perhaps because you enjoy cleaning.

Actually, I do quite enjoy cleaning.

And ironing.
God, does that make me tragic?

No, it makes you fascinating.
I can't wait to discuss it further.

- Sir.
- What?

- Look.
- Oh yes.

Oh, you clever, clever thing.

- Shouldn't we try and get closer?
- No.

We'll never get another chance.

We have one shot at this.

Where's the wind coming from? The right?

It's the left, sir.

- What?
- Well, look at the clouds.

It's swirling.

No, I say the right.

It's the left.

Good shot, sir.

Was it from the left?

They have!

Look.

Gosh.

So we found him, yes.

What a triumph!

- Gosh, they've got him.
- Well done.

He's a beauty.

I have Diana to thank.

- No, I did nothing.
- No, you, uh, you spotted him, not me.

But you shot him, sir.

It wasn't an easy shot.

- No.
- It was brilliant.

Right,
let's get a closer look, shall we?

Walking four hours before we found him.

- Four?
- Four.

- A single shot?
- A single shot.

Mummy, it's impressive, isn't it?

Thank you so much for coming.

- Has it been awful?
- Not at all. It's been heavenly.

No one's ever said that
after their first visit.

But it has been.

- You weren't put off by all the scrutiny?
- My family's just as bad.

Anyone new, everyone tortures them
trying to catch them out.

I'll get all the reports tomorrow.

Let me know if I passed.

I'm sure you have.

With distinction.

You've been a great sport.

Thank you.

So…

how's it going up there?

You don't want to know.

I do, actually.

Talk to me.

She's a triumph.

In the history of Balmoral,

no one has ever passed the test
with such flying colors.

Well, well, well.

Rave reviews
from the whole ghastly politburo.

Anne, Papa,

Margot,

Mummy, Granny.

Your Royal Highness, the Duke of Edinburgh
has asked to see you.

Then I was summoned
for a conversation with Papa

in the hanging room, where,

oblivious to the grotesque symbolism,

it might as well have been me
strung up and skinned.

You asked to see me?

That Diana Spencer.

What about her?

He made the family position
painfully clear.

They want me to marry her.

Gosh.

Yes.

She really was a triumph.

This was always going to happen.

The right one was always
going to come along.

But is she the right one?

Is anyone actually asking themselves that?

She's a child.

The Prime Minister, Your Majesty.

Your Majesty.

- I do hope you enjoyed your holiday.
- Very much.

Scotland in the summer is such a blessing.

I'm always mystified by those
that don't feel at home at Balmoral.

Some people just don't.

They come and are bewildered by it,

by the weather and traditions.

They see only cruelty in the blood sports

instead of kindness or necessity.

But there have been blood sports here too.

- You have a brand-new cabinet.
- I have.

Mostly older ministers that were culled.

Yes, although it wasn't
just their age that decided it.

- Rather?
- Their background, mostly.

And lack of grit,

as a consequence of their privilege
and entitlement.

Always a mistake to assume
just because people are privileged,

they lack grit.

And a dangerous game, I think,
to make enemies left, right, and center.

Not if one is comfortable
with having enemies.

Are you?

Oh yes.

Inspired by the words
of the Chartist poet Charles Mackay.

"You have no enemies, you say?:

"Alas! My friend, the boast is poor."

"He, who has mingled in the fray

Of duty, that the brave endure,

Must have made foes! If you have none,

Small is the work that you have done."

"You've hit no traitor on the hip,

You've dashed no cup from perjured lip,

You've never turned the wrong to right,

You've been a coward in the fight."

Good evening. Well, so now we know.
Three cabinet ministers sacked,

the cabinet changes,
and a long list of promotions

and demotions in the junior ranks.

Mrs. Thatcher
has well and truly shuffled her cabinet.

- Well, in a moment, we'll be looking…
- Ah.

Eeyore.

- I came to see how you were getting on.
- I'll be fine.

Could you be
a bit more than fine just once?

After a selection process
that involved half of Britain,

you've somehow
stumbled on the perfect one

in age, looks, and breeding.

Or have you managed to find fault
even in perfection?

No.

No, she is…

undeniably gorgeous.

Those legs.

Cow.

And appropriate.

Well, then…

I just wish I'd had more time.

What for?

Well, to find out who she is.
We hardly know one another.

- There'll be time for that later.
- That's what everyone keeps saying.

"There'll be time for that later,
just get on with it."

I concur.

What does you-know-who say?

Depressingly, she's all for it.

Of course she is.

Everyone's all for it
because everyone understands

it's time to finally close this chapter.

To put the whole Parker Bowles
soap opera behind us.

All of us.

For good.

Yes.

Oh, was that a smile?

It will be soon.

Don't fight it.

She's perfect.

She even got the stag, damn her!

It must be written in the stars.