The Croods: Family Tree (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Game Nightmare - full transcript

Oh, man, I'm so hungry I could eat
a crowverine stuffed into a pigator

stuffed into a kangadillo.

Mm! Crowverpigadillo.

Dinner is served.

And dinner is done.

No!

Uh, what's the rush?

We have to get to bed.

Because we're very tired.

Isn't that right, Hope?

Right, Phil. Tired. So tired!



I'm so exhausted I can
barely keep my eyes open.

Really? 'Cause you seem pumped.

That's a symptom
of extreme fatigue.

It's worse than I
thought. Good night.

Aha!

Ohh!

Second dinner is served.

Hey, anyone else notice,

the Bettermans were
acting kinda weird, huh?

Especially Phil.

To be fair, Phil
always acts weird.

Maybe they're just tired.

Before the sun goes down?

Sure. Living on a
farm isn't easy.



Uh, we live on a farm
and we are still awake.

I bet Hope made a secret dessert
she doesn't wanna share with us.

But Sandy will find it.

Won't you, Sandy?

Or they're just tired.

What if they met a new family
and they're replacing us?

What if we have to move?

What if Dawn has
a new best friend?

What if you're
overreacting just a bit?

What if they have a giant window
they're keeping to themselves?

And they have trained punch monkeys
to wait on them hand and foot

while they watch
wall-to-wall window action?

You're all wrong.

There's a full moon tonight.

That's when the
Bettermans turn into

half-man, half-bear,
half-fish beasts!

Too many halves.

'Cause they were
bitten by bearacudas!

And that made them wereacudas!

Wereacudas?

Oh. Is that why they're
sneaking around up there?

Let's go. No noise.

Come on, guys, there's
no such thing as

wereacudas.

Hey, guys. I took the elevator.

Pipe down!

Here's the plan. I grab Phil.

Ugga, you wrap up Hope.

Eep, you're on Dawn
patrol. Mm-hmm.

Thunk, try not to get bitten.

And, most importantly,
aim for the gills!

Or we could just talk to them because
the Bettermans aren't wereacudas.

Aw, I love that you always
see the bright side, Guy-Boy.

But this time it
might get us killed.

So less talking, more stalking.

Ooh. Are you sure
you want to do that?

Just trying to help.

Don't listen to him, Mom.

Dad's just trying to
mess with your head.

- Way ahead of him, Dawn.
- We're married, remember?

That means I'm Phil-proof.

Eh!

Ha! I win!

Ah, the delicious
nectar of victory.

You two know how sweet it is.

Oh, wait, you don't.

Because I am and always
shall be undefeated.

Phil, you promised
you wouldn't do that.

Do what, dear? Win?

No, be a bad sport.

You said tonight would be all
fun, no gloating, remember?

Did I?

Yes! That's why
Dawn and I are here.

But you haven't changed at all.

Yeah, Dad. You're making a
shame night of game night.

Game night?

Oh, yeah, game night. Ha, ha!

I remember this from
when I was a kid.

The Bettermans used to invite
my family over to play games.

It was... It was so much fun.

Sure, because games are fun.

So no wereacudas
here, Mom. Just games.

What's a wereacuda?

Part-man, part-bear,
part-fish...

Eh, you know the parts,
'cause you are one!

Get 'em!

Anyway, I like games.

Yeah, not a fan of games.

It's too much work.

But I'm a big fan
of game snacks.

Mm! Banana chips. It's not bad.

But I'm not gonna settle.

I'm gonna find the
ultimate game snack.

Because that is my destiny.

- Uh, why didn't you invite us?
- We like fun.

Me too!

That's why I like games.

I just assumed you
wouldn't be interested.

These games are more
cerebral than corporeal.

Brain, not brawn.

Ohh!

So it was for your own good.

After all, strategy
and concentration,

and, well, thinking aren't exactly
your cup of bitter leaf juice.

From what I remember, game
night is for everyone.

I like games! My
brain good. Grug play.

You're proving my point.

So if you'll excuse us,

Hope and Dawn are eager to
challenge my winning streak.

No, Phil. You blew it.

I'm done playing games
with you tonight.

Yeah, Dad. I've
lost my game face.

Good news, Croods.

A seat at the table
just opened up.

You have no chance of defeating
me, but it's all in good fun.

Welcome to game night!

I'm playing first.

Stack Sticks is quite simple.

Take a stick from the
bottom and put it on top

without toppling the stack.

Like so.

If I factor the
stick's exit angle,

calculate removal velocity

to maintain the stack's
structural integrity,

then consider the
load-bearing sticks below it,

I choose

this one.

Advantage, Phil.

Your turn, Grug.

Ha! I can do that.

And I win.

What? But I barely touched it.

Yes. That's the way the
stack sticks stumble.

Point, me.

I'm playing again.

In the game of Rock,
Leaf, Sharp Rock,

rock beats sharp rock,

sharp rock beats leaf
and leaf beats rock.

Touch one when I say go.

Go!

Leaf beats rock. I win.

Leaf beats rock? Pfft.

That's ridiculous.

Rock beats everything.

Not in this game.

Point, me.

I'm playing again!

Honey, maybe someone
else should play.

My turn!

Finally, the blue
shells move diagonally

while the red shells
move vertically.

And that's the Shell Game.

Any questions?

Nope. I got it.

You moved right into my trap.

Point, me! I win!

Which means I get to
wear the winner's crown.

Yes!

No... one...
beats... the... Phil!

Pfft! Big whoop.

These games are stupid.

Let's go, Croods. We have
more important things to do.

Like stopping the wereacudas!

Get 'em!

Boy, this brings back memories.

Thank you for a
lovely game night.

I gotta say, Grug, you handled
losing better than I expected.

I'm proud of you.

Aw, thanks.

Now I'll be busy for the next
few days practicing games

until I can beat Phil
because nothing else matters.

And there it is.

It's just like the time that
crowverine beat you in a race.

Just because you beat
me doesn't mean you won!

You're just a bad loser, Grug.

So I want you to
walk away from this.

But I...

Okay, I'll walk away.

Thank you.

I'll walk away right
after I beat Phil.

That's the spirit, Dad.

We're with you all the way.

Beat Phil! Beat Phil!

- Yeah! Beat Phil! Beat Phil!
- Beat Phil! Beat Phil!

Eep, what are you doing?

If Grug loses, won't he
tear down the tree house?

Look, we'll never stop him.

So we might as well
help him beat Phil.

So you think Grug can win?

Oh, no. Dad can't beat
Phil in brain games.

But I can beat Phil
with the timeout club.

So you lure him into the living
room and, boom, Dad wins.

So your plan is to
hit Phil with a club?

Maybe we should go
talk to Phil instead.

Okay, but it'll be tough to talk
to Phil while he's in timeout.

Uh... Hmm. Mm-mmm.

Game Phil again.

And no whining.

You couldn't beat me
even if you had hands.

No licking either.

Lose with dignity.

Uhh... Phil?

Can we talk to you?

Yes. Of course.

So Grug's feeling
down about game night.

He's hoping for a rematch.

And we'd like you
to go easy on him.

I could.

But then it wouldn't be a game.

Games are for winning.

And there can only
be one winner.

Sorry you feel that way, Phil.

I was hoping to do
this the easy way.

You're right, Phil.

But isn't beating Grug at
brain games a hollow victory?

I mean, you're so much
smarter than Grug.

That's true. I am brilliant.

Right!

So what if you played some
brawn games against my Dad?

That's a real challenge
for a real winner.

I know what's happening here.

You do?

Of course.

You think I'm unstoppable

and you want to bask in the
glow of my gaming supremacy.

I don't blame you. Game on!

My dad's gonna crush him.

Point, us.

Stack Sticks
struggles, stranger?

No.

Yes.

I can't stack sticks.

There, there, Grug.

Dry your tears.

I'm not crying.

It's a metaphor.

Ugh. Never mind.

How would you like to play some
games more suited to your... brawn?

Brawn means muscle.

Oh!

Then you're talking
my talk words.

Go for the gills!

Not now, Gran.

We got games to play.

Our first game is
Hunt or Be Hunted.

So... it's hunting?

To oversimplify it, yes.

I will run and
you will catch me.

Ha. If you can.

Catch you? Ha!

This is my kinda game.

Indeed. Your brawn should have
no problem besting my brain.

Uh, heh, hunting?

Yeah, more like slaughter.

Yeah, I almost
feel bad for Phil.

He doesn't stand a chance.

Don't be too sure.

Phil would never play
a game he couldn't win.

Mm-hmm.

Winning is more important
to my dad than I am.

Oh, I'm sure that's not true.

No, it is.

Phil needs to win.

He said he would
change, but he hasn't.

And, if Phil doesn't win,
well, we're all in trouble.

I learned that the hard way.

I won! I finally beat you. Ha!

Phil, it's been three weeks.

You lost. Get over it.

The farm is falling apart.

So we have two terrible losers

playing against each other.

What's the worst
that could happen?

Oh, I don't know. Just the end of
life on the farm as we know it.

Yeah. Maybe the timeout
club was the way to go.

Uh-huh. Now you're
talking my talk words.

I've hunted my whole life.

You sure you wanna do this?

Yes.

And put me down.

Thank you.

Shall we begin?

It's your funeral fire.

Let's do it.

Huh.

Phil? Where'd you go?

Hmm.

Oh, it's on.

Gotcha!

Gotcha!

Gotcha?

Gotcha!

Aw! You're not Phil!

Hmph! That's it.

I've looked everywhere.

I'm never gonna find him.

That's because your
brawn didn't look here.

But my brain did.

Point, me.

W-w... I can't believe Dad
lost a hunting game to Phil!

I can't believe Phil built a
fake crowverine egg just to win.

Oh, Phil will do
anything to win.

Winning is everything!

But to be fair, that's
why I married him.

He once invented a game for my birthday
just so he could beat me at it.

My fourth birthday.

I'm just glad Phil is
gaming someone else now.

Better Grug than us.

That's it.

Timeout time.

Guy, create a distraction.

No. I'm sure Grug'll
win the next one.

Ooh, ooh. Are those bug nuggets?

I'll take some.

No. You deserve better.

We all do.

And I'm going to find
a better game snack

if it's the last
thing I ever do!

And that's... rock lifting.

Beat that.

Impressive display of
raw brute strength.

But it's no match
for raw brute brain.

Need I say it?

No fair!

Isn't it?

You used your strengths
and I used mine.

Point, me.

Let me guess.

Dad will win the next one?

Maybe?

Whoo! Big throw! Big throw!

Maybe you beat me before,

but no way you can throw
a spear farther than that.

True. Lucky for me you agreed to
"enhanced throwing" when we started.

Because I didn't
know what it was!

Wh... What is it?

Allow me to demonstrate.

Victory, me.

I... am... the... game master!

I'm taking your pelt
because I've bested you.

It's a display of dominance!

On second thought, keep the pelt
and wear the shame of defeat.

Also, it smells.

Okay! Phil's spear went farther,
Dad, but yours went... straighter.

I'm proud of you, Grug.

You've never taken
a loss this well.

A lot of people say being a
good loser makes you a winner.

Nope. No one says that, Guy.

Maybe they do starting now.

- See, Phil?
- Losing graciously isn't so hard.

Even Grug can do it.

Yeah, Dad. Maybe you can remember
this at my next birthday?

Why? I'm not a loser like Grug.

I'm not a loser!

Then how do you
explain all the losing?

Just because I lost
doesn't mean I lost.

Actually, that's
precisely what it means.

And it proves I can
beat you at anything,

thanks to my superior brain.

He's about to blow, Guy.

Don't worry. I just
had an amazing idea.

Or as some people
say, a Guy-dea.

Nope. No one says that.

Maybe they do starting now.

Easy, big fella.

As Hope might say,

just empty your mind and
think of your happy place.

Because I was thinking
we could play a new game.

A game for everyone.

And it's called

Survival.

Dad and Phil, outside
the wall, on their own.

No tools, supplies or
food. Who can last longer.

Not what I was gonna say at all.

Yes. Right now. Let's Survival!

Interesting.

But you know what
else is interesting?

That new game Guy
almost talked about.

- Uh...
- No more games.

I can't take the farm shutting
down again if Phil loses.

And there won't be a
farm if Grug loses.

Just a smoldering crater.

Hope and Ugga make
excellent points.

Oh, sounds like
you're chicken seal.

Oi-I-I-nk!

That's not the sound
chicken seals make.

That's the sound
chicken seals make.

And I don't sound like that.

Fine, Grug, I gladly
accept your challenge.

And I'll win again because
I love the wilderness!

Quick reminder that you can't
bring tools, supplies or food.

You have to survive
on your own out here.

Oh, all right.

Chunky, you're free to go.

Much better.

Time for Survival. Good luck.

No, I can't do this!

I mean, I can't wait to do this.

Ha! You got it right
the first time.

And, uh, don't follow me.

Are you following me?

Me? Of course not.

I love the wilderness.

If I weren't already married,
wilderness, I'd marry you.

Because what's not to love?

Fresh air, majestic trees...

Brazen insects with
dreadful stings.

That are everywhere
and favor necks.

Ugh, thorns! So many thorns.

Ohh!

Majestic... tree.

Ooh!

I love the wilderness!

I hate the wilderness!

What was that?

Oh. It was just the wind.

What was that?

Oh.

Just more wind.

Phil.

What was that?

It's not the wind.

Gah!

Gotcha!

What are you doing here?

I figured you were in trouble.

And I was right.
Ready to give up?

Not a chance.

I'll be fine as soon
as I start this fire.

Oh, you mean like this?

Ha! I tricked you
into starting my fire.

Brain always beats brawn.

In that case, your brain
can start it again.

I'm going back to my camp.

Have a good night.

Ha! Fire!

As I said, brain always beats

brawn.

Wilderness, why did
I ever leave you?

Maybe it was the screaming.

Hmm. That sounds like Phil.

And that sounds like victory.

Point, me.

Ha!

Well, gee, Phil,

you look a little down.

In a pit.

Get it?

'Cause you're in a pit.

Oh, Grug. Heh.

Thank the stars you're here.

I was taken by these bearacudas.

For some reason they
put me in this pit.

Yeah, because they're
gonna eat you.

Bearacudas keep food in a
pit until they're hungry.

What? Get me out of here!

Whoa!

That one almost got me.

Sure, I'll get you out.

Right after you say I won.

What? Never!

Okay. Enjoy dinner.

Sorry, enjoy being dinner.

Fine! Leave me.

But when the bearacudas eat me,

I'll be in their bellies,

outside the wall.

So I'll be out here
longer than you,

and I'll be the winner.

Ha! You mean dinner.

'Cause they're gonna eat you.

Whoa!

Yeah, getting closer.

And you have to be
alive to win, Phil.

We never agreed to that!

The game is called Survival!

You can't get eaten and...

Whoa! Ha!

Missed me.

Honestly, I don't
know what's worse,

getting eaten or losing.

Definitely losing.

And we both lost.

Hmm. Not so fast.

Since the bearacudas are involved,
this is now a three-player game.

So we could both win

and the bearacudas could lose.

You sure that's how it works?

Yes. Because it means
we don't have to lose.

It's win-win.

Except for the bearacudas
because they lose.

- I'm good with that.
- So how do we win-win?

Simple.

We combine my brain
and your brawn

in the ultimate game of
Rock, Leaf, Sharp Rock.

First, we use Sharp Rock to carve
the bones into climbing holds.

And you use your beastly strength to
turn the bones into a makeshift ladder.

Then we wrap our feet in
Leaf to muffle our footsteps,

and we sneak past the
bearacudas to freedom.

What about Rock?

What's that for?

That's for if the
bearacudas wake up.

Throw Rock. Throw Rock!

That's right. It's Thunk!

Yes!

It's me.

I always wished game
night could be like this.

You know, fun.

Too bad the dads are missing it.

Don't worry, Dawn.

The dads will walk through
that door any moment.

Well, my dad will.

But he'll be carrying your dad.

I hope not.

This is the best game
night we've ever had.

From now on, game night is
officially a Phil-free zone.

Woo-hoo!

Okay, next one.

Guess what I drew.

Ooh. Ooh-ooh! Is
it a fish thingy?

You have to be more specific.

A fish thingy with claws?

More specific than that.

Good guess, Sandy, but no.

- Ooh!
- Hmm.

Well

I'm done guessing.

Yeah? You know what I drew?

No. But I finally found
the perfect game snack,

banana chips.

Wasn't that the snack
you started with?

Oh, yeah.

Well, it's not the
snack destination.

It's the snack journey.

Anybody else?

PHIL and Bearacudas!

Hey-hey, you
guessed what I drew.

Which means you won
Guess What I Drew.

No, bearacudas trapped us.

They wanted to eat us.

Whoa! So did they eat you?

No, son.

We're here.

That's right.

Because Grug and I played
the game of Survival.

Together.

And we won!

Together.

And then I won this game.

What? No, I said
"bearacudas" first.

Yes.

First after me.

Did any of those bearacudas bite
you and turn you into wereacudas?

Me? No.

But Phil? Maybe.

What?

Better safe than sorry.

Aim for the gills, Sandy!