The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 8, Episode 11 - Two Is a Crowd - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

Who is that reading a
book in the new kitchen?

I.

I'm reading this
Blair Hudler thriller

that you finished last week.

Last Train to Leningrad.

Oh, yes. You will
never guess the ending.

See, what happens
in the ending...

I don't want to guess the ending,
darling, I want to read the book.

Okay, enjoy.

Hi!



Oh, look who's here!

Well, well!

We weren't expecting you!

Oh, you know me.
Just being whimsical.

I thought it'd be
nice to see my family,

get some studying done

in the peace and
quiet of my own home.

You know how noisy and
crazy those dorms can get.

Yeah, well, we're
glad to have you home.

And how's Dabnis?

Oh, fine, fine. Busy as ever.

He had to stay on campus

because it's vehicle
maintenance weekend:

lube jobs, tire rotations,
that kind of thing.



Well, I better get
started on that studying.

Kitchen looks great, guys!

What was that?

That's your daughter.

She just came home
for the whimsy of it.

Talkin' about the peace
and quiet of this home

with twin 4-year-olds

running around and acting crazy

and a kindergartner questioning
every move you make,

teenagers and hordes of friends,

not to mention
the married couple

who's always up in your face.

It make sense to me to study.

You have to leave the
countryside of Pennsylvania,

come to a place where
you can concentrate:

New York City.

With the wail of the sirens

and the hooting and the
whoop-whooping of the ambulances

and the desperate cry of 8
million souls saying "La la la la."

Something's up, Cliff.
[knocking on door]

Pray tell, who enters here?

Ahh! Oh Kenny, my Kenny.

Hi, Dr. Huxtable, Mrs. Huxtable.

Well now, it's been a
while since we've seen you.

Yes, indeed. I
know, I've been busy.

So have you.

You got it going on here.

Yeah, well, thank you, Kenny.

Rudy's not home yet, Kenny.

That's okay. I thought
I'd wait for her here.

School yesterday, word
spread like a brushfire.

Rudy broke up with
her alleged boyfriend.

You're talking about Stanley,

the fellow you chased
out of here six weeks ago,

which was the last
time we saw you.

That's the one.

Poor Rudy.

By the way, where
is the "bereved?"

The what? The bereaved.

The bereaved is
at the mall, Kenny.

Ah, what strength, to
shop despite the sorrow.

You know, she might
not be back for a while.

Well that's okay.
Friends don't bail out.

If you don't
mind, I'll stay here

till she gets back
and is ready to talk.

Hey, I'll even stay
for dinner if I have to.

Hey, Kenny. Hi, Vanessa.

Oh, belated congratulations
on your engagement.

Thank you.

Now, don't blow this.
I hear he's a keeper.

Thank you again, Kenny.

Mom, Dad, I'm going
to the mall with Kara.

I thought you came
home to study, Vanessa.

Well, I felt like I needed
to unwind after my train trip.

I think shopping with
Kara is just what I need.

Well, if you see Rudy,

tell her that Stanley
may come and go,

but Kenny is forever.

Will do, Kenny.

Heathcliff, why did
you turn your back

when your child said
she needed to unwind

from her train trip?

Listen, I have
nothing to do with that.

I'm looking at my herb garden

in the window right here.

Excuse me, Kenny.

Say, uh, Brother "Bereved,"

I want you to help me
solve a problem here.

Sure, Dr. Huxtable.

Okay. The past six weeks,

I've been getting some
strange phone calls.

You don't say.

A person has been calling
up with a muffled voice,

asking for Stanley.

And then I say, "who is this?"

and they hang up.

Really?

It's a shame how people
abuse the phone system.

Put your hand over your mouth.

Now you say to me
"Is Stanley there?"

[muffled] Is Stanley there?

You know, it's
probably that Stanley.

Stanley is calling?
That's right.

And asking for
himself? That's right.

So what page are you on now?

49.

Whoo! Page 49!

So you get to the part yet

where evil Nora
falls off the cliff?

No, but thank you
for ruining it for me.

I haven't ruined
anything for you.

All I'm saying is when
you get to that part,

let me know, and
we can talk about it.

There will be
nothing to talk about.

You just told me that evil
Nora fell of the cliff and died.

I didn't say that she died.

I said she fell off the cliff.

But!

The question is, is she dead?

[doorbell rings, clanks]

That may be she now.

I fixed the doorbell again.

Somebody keeps messing with it.

Hello. Dabnis.

Dr. Huxtable. How
are ya? How you doing?

Mrs. Huxtable.
Well, hello, Dabnis.

Is Vanessa here?

She was, but she went to
the mall for a couple of hours.

Then I'll just wait
for her in the truck.

No, no, no, no, no.
Come on, my man.

How ya doing? All right, sir.

Have a sit-down. Thank you, sir.

So I guess you
know why I'm here.

No, we don't know
why you're here.

Oh, shoot, because neither do I.

I was hoping maybe
you can help me out.

How can we help you, Dabnis?

Well, let me explain.

See, earlier this afternoon,

after I had returned from
Home Builder's Emporium,

I was planning to meet
Vanessa at the house.

I went home and instead
of finding Vanessa,

I found this note tacked
on the bulletin board.

"Dear Dabnis, life's
road sometimes has turns

"that are not on
one's emotional map.

"And so I've decided
to follow my own map

"in order to reflect

"on the prospects
of our relationship.

"I don't know how
long I'll be gone.

Please don't try to find
me. I'll be in New York City."

"I feel the need
to return to my...

"roots of simplicity.

Love as always, Nessa."

What do you think she
meant by "roots of simplicity"?

I have no idea.

I'm trying to figure
out "emotional map."

I don't get it, Dr. Huxtable.

Since receiving your
blessing three weeks ago,

our relationship has definitely
reached a new positive level.

I'm sorry, Dabnis.
We can't help you.

With all respect, Dabnis,
we make it a policy

not to interfere in our
children's relationships.

And it's a good policy.

It's just not helping me.

I think I'm going to
go down to the mall.

No, don't. Son, don't
go down to the mall.

There are 62 malls...
in this naked city.

Now, the best thing you can
do is just sit down and wait.

She'll be back sooner or later.

Well, if you don't
mind me waiting.

No, as a matter of fact,

you can go in the
waiting room with Kenny.

And take a look at the
remodeled kitchen, huh?

Yes sir. Go ahead.

Okay. All right.

Now, all I'm saying is

take note of the fact

that evil Nora is really

a man in a padded
suit named Steve.

Out! Get out!

Listen, Kenny I want
you meet Dabnis Brickey.

This is Vanessa's intended.

Don't you go anywhere. I'll be
right back. I got something for you.

Yes, sir.

Welcome to the family.

Thank you. Nice
to meet you, Kenny.

Who are you?

You might say I'm
Rudy's confidant

and a general friend of
the Huxtables near and far.

So, Dabnis, when's the big day?

Don't know yet.

Wait a minute. You're engaged,

and you don't know when
you're getting married?

Sometimes that's just how
these things work, Kenny.

Well, you give me
plenty of notice.

I gotta get my suit pressed.

And if you're low on
ushers, give me a call.

Thanks, Kenny.
I'll remember that.

So how long were
you dating Vanessa

before you got engaged?

Six months.

How long have you
been dating Rudy?

Oh, Dabnis, we're not dating.

We're best friends.

I'm here to console her

since she broke up
with Mister Wrong.

How considerate of you.

You know, it's tough
being a girl's best friend

when she's dating someone else.

Takes a lot of character.

This is true.

But then again,
character can be a burden.

Yeah, but the good thing is

you got the better relationship.

See, you got Rudy
for the long haul.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

A good relationship isn't just
dating and holding hands and kissing.

It's about two people

who really mean
something to each other.

All right, I like that.

Listen, Dabnis,

if you're ever having
trouble with Vanessa,

I'm in the book.

I see you guys making
sandwiches, huh?

It takes a lot of fuel to
wait for your daughter, sir.

I took the liberty of making sandwiches
for you and Mrs. Huxtable also, sir.

Oh, thank you very much.

And I got a little
something for you.

Oh, wow, your tool belt, sir.

No, no, no. That
is your tool belt.

Monogrammed, too.

You're in.

Mrs. Huxtable is
reading that book,

but she's hiding
in the dining room

You understand? Ohh.

I want you to take
a sandwich to her.

Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I want you to go up to her,

when you give her the sandwich,

and you say,

Mrs. Huxtable,
Dr. Huxtable said,

"Consider the words Evil
Nora spelled backwards."

Aron live.

What?

Just say it.

Just say it. Go
ahead. Go, go, go, go.

Consider the words
spelled backward.

Evil Nora. Aron lives.

Spelled backward.
Evil Nora, Aron lives.

Evil Nora, Aron
lives. There you go.

Here's your sandwich,
sir. Oh, thank you.

Hey!

Hi, Dabnis.

Hi, Nessa.

Ah, boy...

So I guess you got my note.

I read your note.

Several times.

It doesn't mean I got it.

I don't know what could
be more clear, Dabnis.

I said we were on
different emotional maps.

Oh, the emotional maps.

Let's break this up
into simple pieces.

Did I do something wrong?

Now, you see? I knew you
were going to take this too far.

Vanessa, you left the state.

There has got to be a reason.

Now, did I do something wrong?

No, not one thing in particular.

There was that
ice cream incident.

What ice cream incident?

Come on, Dabnis.

Last night,

we're sitting in front of the
television eating ice cream,

and I said, "Think I'll
have another scoop."

And what did you say?

Well, if I recall, I said,

"Not me, I think
I've had enough."

Exactly.

You think I don't know
what you meant by that?

It meant I'd had enough.

What you meant
was, I had had enough.

You were trying to
control my dessert portions.

I mean, soon you'll be
trying to control my entire life.

If you thought I was trying to
control your dessert portions,

why didn't you
say so last night?

Like I said, I thought I'd had
enough, which is what I meant.

Now, what did you mean?

Oh, uh, don't mind me, I'm
just going to get my sandwich.

He's a keeper.

Dabnis, it's not you.

Okay? It's not me.

It's life, you know?

I want it to be a salad bar.

A salad bar?

Yeah! And right
now, it's just lettuce.

I mean, it might
be Boston lettuce

or Iceberg lettuce or
even Romaine lettuce.

But, honey, it's
still just lettuce.

Vanessa, I sure wish
you'd speak plainly.

But since we're
talking in metaphor,

Your life is a salad bar.

And nobody told you to
park in front of the lettuce.

In fact, some of us
wish you'd move on down

'cause you holdin'
the rest of us up.

Look, Dabnis,

I don't want to
end up like Denise.

Denise? How'd she get here?

That's the point.

She's not here.

She's drilling her
husband all across Asia.

What kind of life is that?

A great life for
Denise and Martin.

And why am I talking about
these people? I've never met them.

Listen, Vanessa, it is
not about ice cream,

or salad bars, or
the Pacific Rim,

it's about us.

Let's focus on us.

Oh, I forgot my milk. Kenny, go!

Vanessa, I was wrong.

Oh honey, I was
wrong, too. I'm sorry.

That's not what I meant.

You remember, I
didn't choose you.

You think back.

I told you I thought it was wrong
to get involved with a student.

But you chose me.

I fell in love with
you, Vanessa.

And I've been asking you

to make choices you're
not equipped to make,

and that's wrong.

Yes, it was.

Well, I'm glad that's settled.

No, honey, it's not settled.

Because now you have to decide whether
or not you want to be married to me.

Of course I want
to be married to you.

Okay, when?

When?

What is it with this
when question?

Isn't it enough I said to you?

Now is not the time to
ask when, sweetheart.

Vanessa, why don't you
just face the fact, honey,

You are scared.

Scared?

[Vanessa] Scared?

Okay, Okay, maybe I am scared,

but, Dabnis, that is
not wrong, you know?

I am getting married.

Congratulations. When?

Okay.

Maybe I'm a lot scared.

Is that what you want to hear?

Yes, honey, yes.

Because it's the first time

you've ever communicated
how you really feel

without drawing a
map to your salad bar.

Vanessa, you need
to do a lot of thinking.

I will.

But I need you to
be patient with me.

Oh, I'm always patient with you.

But I'm not going to
chase you anymore.

The next time you run,

you better buy a
round-trip ticket.

Deal.

[doorbell rings, clanks]

I'll get it.

Good afternoon, Stanley.

Well, I haven't seen you
around here in a while.

Well, I'm here now.

Who is it you wish to see?

Who do you think?

I don't know, maybe you're
here to see Mrs. Huxtable

because you got legal problems?

Maybe you're here
to see Dr. Huxtable,

because you got
medical problems?

Maybe you're just a paperboy.

Well, I'm not the paperboy,
but I've got some news.

Well, come in.

Have a seat.

So, Stan, you ever find out

who kept hiding your
pants after gym class?

No, it never bothered me.

It was Indian summer.

So, Kenny, you ever find out

who glued your locker door shut?

Somebody glued my locker shut?

I didn't notice.

Listen Stanley, there's
something I want to say to you.

I don't stand by and
watch my friends get hurt.

So if your intentions are
to yo-yo Rudy around,

I'm here to cut the string.

Kenny, can I just ask you this?

What is wrong with you?

You don't understand friendship?

Oh, I understand friendship.

What I don't understand is you.

But it's becoming clear.

You want to go out
with Rudy, don't you?

Stan, Stan, Stan.

You just don't get it.

It's not about dating,
holding hands, kissy face.

It's about two people who
mean something to each other.

And you're not one of them.

You're mad 'cause
I aced you out.

Stan, Stan, Stan.

You don't know
how you're playing.

It's not about competition.

I'm not competing
with you over Rudy.

Well, that's good to know.

So when Rudy and
I get back together,

there won't be any
problems, will there?

If Rudy and you
get back together.

Well, I have a
good feeling we will.

Oh, hi, Kenny.

Hey, old friend.

Oh, hi, Stanley.

Rudy, I wanted to
apologize for our fight.

Don't you think it's
a little late for that?

Yeah! See, I told you, Stanley.

Rudy, our relationship
isn't just about dating,

holding hands, kissy face.

It's about two people who
feel something for each other.

Oh, Stanley.

Hey, hey, hey!

Stanley, I was going out
for some frozen yogurt.

Would you like to come?

I'd love to.

Rudy, I'd like you
to know something.

Yes, Kenny?

Me and Stanley, we
worked out our differences.

We've become fast friends.

I'm really glad.

Yeah, me, too.

So am I. Let's go.

Did you enjoy your lunch?

Better than I enjoyed my book.

Ahh..

Well, we're all
straightened out here.

[Cliff] Good.

[Dabnis] We appreciate
your hospitality.

Next time we come, we won't be
using an emotional map to get here.

Bye, Dad. Bye-Bye.

Drive safely.

We will.

Got that? Yeah.

Get the door for
you. See you later.

Thanks again.

Now tell the truth.

What do you think's going
to happen with those two?

Don't dust off my tuxedo.

Well, whether they marry or not,

Dabnis is good for Vanessa,
he is so down-to-earth.

Probably the only one who can
tunnel through the recesses of her mind.

Yes, but will he
be able to get out?

♪ The farmer in the dell ♪

♪ The farmer in the dell ♪

♪ Hi-ho, the dairy-o ♪

Watcha reading?

I found this on the shelf,

and I thought I'd
read everything

that Blair Hudler had written,

but I found The Last
Jitney to Jakarta.

What's it about?

It's about Jack
Davis, of course,

who starts up a
rubber plantation,

and he meets a
local girl, Chi-Lai.

A reformed assassin.

But it's too late because
he's already in love.

Is she reformed?

Is she local?

Is she a girl?

Or is she Ban-gree?

The half-brother of
the leader of Jakarta

who disappeared mysteriously,

who kidnaps Jack Davis in a...

Yeah, you read that,
and when you finish,

you tell me about
it, and we'll talk.

♪♪ [theme]

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
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