The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 7, Episode 13 - Theo's Final Final - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

Hey!

[laughs] What are you doing?

Cooking a little
breakfast for my son

studying for his final exam.

Ah.

[giggles] Let me see.

No, I just closed
the door. I don't want

the air to get in it. Open it.

Cliff!

A dozen chocolate devil's
food doughnuts for breakfast?



Yeah... And one
with a bite in it?

No, no... You've been munching.

That's what you see...
And that's all you see.

You see chocolate
and devil's food.

But there's bran
in those doughnuts.

What were you gonna
wash this bran down with?

Orange juice!

Orange juice in
the refrigerator?

Yes, orange juice.

Is this the orange juice?

Looks a little different. A
lot more pigmentation to it.

Oh! Look at that! It
says "Chocolate Milk."

Vitamin D.

Cliff, you should be
ashamed of yourself.



Using Theo at the most
stressful time in his life.

You know he's preparing
for a make-up final exam.

And you're going to use him

to cover up your inability
to discipline yourself.

It's Vitamin D and bran.

It's healthy.

You're sad.

[laughing] You are very sad,

and it's going
out of here today.

Potato chips, Cliff?

Iron.

Morning.

Good morning, son. Hey.

I was up studying so late,

I don't even know what
time I went to sleep.

Oh, I love that.

Do you remember
those days, Cliff?

I certainly do.

Well, I want to show you
that the studying's paying off.

Look at these tests.

One "A" and two B-pluses.

All right! Have a doughnut, son.

Hey, thanks, Mom!
They're just for you.

All right! Thanks!

Oh, yes, that chocolate milk?

That's just for you, too.

Oh, you guys are great! Thanks!

Hey, you guys, I
want you to know

that you're looking at a man

who's one grade away
from making the Dean's List.

Listen, you don't mind if
I put this on my lab jacket

and wear it around
the hospital, do you?

Well, hold up, Dad.

Before you start
putting things on display,

I have one more final... A
make-up exam in economics.

Yeah, but listen,
man, you're hot.

You're on a roll now!

No, but this is economics, Dad.

This is my toughest subject.

And you know that make-up
exams are always harder.

I've got this professor,
Professor C.G. Stein.

We call him "Dr. Flunkenstein."

First day of class,
he said to us,

"I'm failing everybody
now to avoid the June rush."

At Hillman, I had a biochem
professor called "Dr. Death."

Dr. Death... Dad!

Huh? This is my life, okay?

Now, I think I got him pegged.

You're looking at a
psychology major here.

Now, Flunkenstein, see, he's
a Type A guy, very intense,

yet he masquerades
as a Type B guy,

casual, yet condescending.

See, understand, the man
is inconsistently consistent.

I got him pegged.

But you do look a little tired.

Oh, but that's okay.

Mom, 'cause I'm in control.

See, I realize that to
get what I want out of life,

I gotta push for it.

And this is what
I want. Face it,

making the Dean's List

is gonna look
great on my record.

'Cause I gotta compete
with every other person

graduating from
college this year.

But I'm focused.

I'm a camera.

I zoom in, aim, and I shoot.

See ya later.

Oh, sweetheart,
don't forget these.

This is... for you.

Thank you.

And this is for you, too.

Your father bought
all of this just for you.

Hey, Dad, you're great.

Thanks a lot.

[laughs]

Where are you going? Huh?

Where are you going?

I'm going to see
my son to the door...

No, you're not, darling. You're
gonna have to clean out your liver.

Sit down. You're gonna have
carrot juice with celery and sprouts.

Drink what?

Sit down!

I don't like this house.

Look, it's Theo!

What's up with that?

Poor thing. He has missed
every party this semester,

and now he's even
gonna miss his own.

Thanks a lot, Lucy.

Hey, come on,
man, don't sweat it.

Look, hey, we'll
save you some pizza.

And if we happen to see any
single women floating around,

we'll get their phone
number for you.

Oh, like he's really
gonna have time to date.

My man is going
for the Dean's List!

Number one!

Wow.

I wish I had someone to
rub the back of my neck.

Okay.

Hi, Candy. Hey.

I have finished my dip.

Open your mouth. Ah! Mmm!

I would love to have
someone feed me dip.

Okay!

Thank you, but it's
not the same, pal.

Hey, come on, come on, come on.

Focus, Theo. Focus.

Yeah, right. Priorities. Yes!

Man, with all this sacrifice,

I better make the Dean's List.

I have to go.
I'll see you later.

Where's my kiss?
Oh, right here, baby.

Come here. Mmm. Mmm.

Don't even think about it.

Uh, excuse me. Can I
borrow your sugar, please?

[Caribbean accent] Sure.

Thank you.

Uh...

Thank you.

You're welcome.

[clears throat]

Here you go.

Thank you. Thank you.

You use sugar in your tea.

[chuckles] Yes, I do.

[laughs]

What a coincidence.

I use sugar in my tea, too.

See?

Tea. Sugar.

I see.

Do you use... milk or lemon?

Neither.

[chuckles] Me, neither, too.

This is good tea.

Yes. Good tea,
good conversation.

Yes.

[chuckles] I'm Tea-o.

I mean Theo.

[laughs] And I'm Cheryl.

Ah.

Cheryl. That's a lovely accent.

Where are you from?

Barbados. I'm an
exchange student.

Ah. Beautiful Barbados.

Oh, you've been there?

Well, no.

But maybe you can tell
me about it sometime?

Oh, it would have to be soon.
I'm going home tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Mm-hmm.

How about tonight?

I... I can't.

Economics.

That's all right.
We'll do Dutch.

Dutch? Oh, no! [laughs]

No. You see, I have
a final in economics.

See? Oh!

What a shame.

It would have been nice.

Yeah.

It would have been
more than nice.

I better go now.

Oh, so soon? Yeah.

Well, perhaps someday you'll get
to Barbados and look me up, eh?

Perhaps.

Bye, now. Bye, now.

What have I just done? Huh?

Edie, you know something?

[laughs] I'm a fool.

I admit it.

I've spent the last five months
of my life living like a monk.

See, I'm young, but
I'm allowing my youth

to be smothered by
pages of a textbook.

You see, the girl of my dreams

just walked in
and out of my life.

And you know why?

Because I have no life, Edie.

And if I just let that
woman walk away,

I don't deserve a life. You see?

Here.

I'm sorry.

Who can think of tuna
fish at a time like this?

I have a life to go after,
and her name is Cheryl.

Is that the spot?
That's the one.

The spot.

Hey. Hey.

Mom, thank you for dinner.

Dad, I'm on the A-train.
What? Wait a minute.

Are you finished studying?

Yeah.

Guys, let me share
something with you, okay?

It's kinda silly, but...

I've been letting opportunities

that could affect
the rest of my life

just slip through my fingers.

So I decided to take your advice

and make some time for myself.

When you're
sitting there studying

with your face in a book,

things around you are happening,

and you know nothing about it.

Something happened to
me at the Café de Balzac

that could have a
profound effect on my life.

And I almost let it get away.

You know why?

Because I was sitting there
studying with my face in a book.

And you almost let her get away.

Yes.

I met her this afternoon.

How... How long did
you meet with her?

Five minutes.

But, Dad, it was a
profound five minutes, man.

But you told me
that you had to cram

for a make-up
final in economics.

Yeah. I said that.

But, Dad, understand,

it's a question of priorities.

You see, the mind...

the mind is like a closet.

See, and in mine,
I have four hangers

and a couple of shelves.

Now, the hangers are for things

that I'm always gonna use.

The shelves for things
I'm hardly ever gonna use.

Now, my mistake was...
Get this... [chuckles]

I had economics on a hanger

when it should
have been on a shelf.

Are you telling me that
economics is no longer important?

Oh, no, no! Dad, Dad,
I'm gonna pass the course.

Whew! I'm just not
gonna push so hard.

Well, how do you
feel about this, dear?

The mind is like a closet.

Thank you.

And this girl is on a hanger?

Oh, yes! Mom, she's
on all four hangers.

In fact, she's got half
the closet. [laughs]

See, it's important to
remember that life isn't just books.

Life is... a cabaret.

Filled with different people
and different experiences.

Remember that, guys.

Remember that.

Life is a cabaret with a
closet with shelves and...

He's... he's lost it. He's gone.

Economics is tearing him up.

[both laugh]

Dr. Flunkenstein...

has flunked his brain out.

[both laugh]

Now, you know that
spot you just found? Yeah.

Find that spot again.

I can find another
one if we go upstairs.

♪♪ [funk]

Because what I ultimately want
to do is to be able to work with kids

when they're at that age where I
can be a positive influence in their lives.

Oh, that's a
wonderful thing to do.

Yeah, it is, isn't it?

[both laugh]

I'm sorry. I keep
talking about myself.

I'm hogging the
whole conversation.

No, no. I enjoy
hearing you talk.

In fact, I'm having
a glorious time.

Good. Good.

I'm glad to hear you're
having a "glorious time."

Thank you. Thank you.

What's up? What's up?
What's up? What's up?

What's up? What's up? What's up?

Uh-oh!

Look at my man!

He on the carefree party plan!

Secure in the knowledge
that is about to take the "flunk"

out of "Flunkenstein."

[All] Whoo!

Can I get a witness?

[All] Yeah!

I thought I might.

♪♪ [funk]

Theo.

Ah. Thank you.

Are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

I don't know. You
look a bit troubled.

No, I'm enjoying
myself. Really, I am.

♪♪ [slow]

[gasps] Ooh, that's my song!

Come and dance with me, boy.

Okay. Okay.

Uh, Cheryl, I have
to ask you a question.

Yes?

Uh... some friends and I

were discussing the
Gross National Product,

and we were discussing
the economic indicators.

Do you know what they are?

Uh, no, not off
the top of my head.

Retail sales, capital equipment,

housing starts, durable goods,

and, uh... productivity.

Very good. Wear it up.

Ooh! I love slow dancing.

Yeah, me, too.

But you know what
they remind me of? Eh?

Economic slowdowns.

Kinda like a... kinda
like a recession.

Can you define a recession?

Well, if, uh...

Two straight quarters
of negative growth

in the Gross National Product.

That sounds about right.

Oh, yes, it is right.

Then let me ask you a question.

Are you sure you're having fun?

Oh, yes.

I've invested my time...
very wisely tonight.

Oh. [laughs]

You know, speaking
of investment...

Hold on!

Theo, I'm not blind, man.

I can tell you have something
else pressing on your mind so.

And it's more than obvious
it's your economics final.

Uh, Cheryl, sit
down for a second.

You're right. I haven't
really studied enough,

but I really wanted to
be here with you tonight.

And I wanted to be
here with you, too.

But this is much
too important for ya.

You must go.

No. Cheryl... Theo,
we'll meet again.

But you're going
back home tomorrow.

Cheer up, man. I'll
be back next week.

You will? After the break.

I decided to come back
for another semester.

[laughs]

Because of me?

[laughs] No, because I
got the classes I wanted.

Okay.

But you are a bonus.

[chuckles]

Well, I'll, uh...

see you when you
get back? For sure.

Bye. [sighs]

Bye, now.

Good luck on the exam.

Thank you. Thank you,
and have a safe flight.

Okay. Thank you.

See you when you get back.

Theo, you said that
already. Go now.

I'm... I'm trying.

Can I get your phone
number in Barbados?

I thought you'd never ask me.

[high-pitched voice] Yes!

"Define supply-side economics."

[mumbles]

Yes!

Theo, you do it again.

What's up, my man?

[yawns]

Hey, Dad.

[chuckles] Late delivery?

Yeah.

I thought you
went out on a date?

Well, yeah, I was.

But then I realized I had to
study for my final tomorrow.

I apologize for acting stupid

with you and Mom this afternoon.

No problem, man.

Your mother and I
have taken enough finals

to know what stress is
and what it does to people.

That guy wasn't really me, Dad.

See, in psychology, we learn
that we're all complex people.

We all have different
sides to our personality.

Now, me, I've got about three or
four different people living inside here.

And remember the guy
who was here this afternoon?

Yeah, the one who, uh,

was missing all of
the good things of life

because his face
was in the book.

Yeah, that one.

You know, he was a liar, Dad.

And we all listened to him.

See, when he said, "Forget
studying, go to the party,"

we went along.

Is he here now?

Well, he's always here,

but we're just not
listening to him anymore.

But, now, what about
the guy with the cabaret

and the woman on
the shelf in the closet?

Yeah, well, he's here, too.

Understand, he meant well, Dad,

but he was leading us
down the wrong path.

Well, who is it that
I'm talking to now?

Me. Your son.

Which one is the one
who I'm paying tuition for?

That's me.

And is that one also the one

with the face in the
book for real now?

Yeah, Dad. That's
the one who knows

that it's gonna take
a heavy cram night

to get a good grade
on this final tomorrow.

That's the fellow
I'm in love with.

All right. Yes, please.

Well, come sit down. I
want to show you something.

[yawns] Well, it's
kinda late, man.

Come on, Dad. Have a seat.

It will only take a second.

I'll sit up with you
for about a second.

Okay. One second.

Now, Dad... Huh?

Let me ask you a question.

Who are you?

I'm your father. You
know... You know that.

I mean, in relation
to these doughnuts...

and this chocolate milk,

are you the same man who bought
these this morning to share with me?

Uh, don't fool around with me.

[chuckles]

Or is this the same
one who would...

like a chocolate doughnut
and some chocolate milk?

[laughs]

Why are you fooling
with me at this hour?

Are you the one...
Yes! Yes, I'm the one!

Mon père... dig in.

Here you go.

They're asleep. I checked.

Glass for you.

Glass for me.

♪♪ [theme]

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA