The Comeback (2005–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - Valerie Gets What She Really Wants - full transcript

It's the weekend of the Emmys in the second-season finale, and Valerie is riding high thanks to her success in "Seeing Red," and even gets noticed by a former "Room and Bored" costar at Juna's big bash, but she's still not sure if her husband, Mark, will be by her side on the most important night of her life.

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See? This is why you arrive

at this party sooner rather than later.

One year, it rained,

and the valet line to leave took so long,

it took Mark and I two days to get home.

It's supposed to rain tomorrow.

I hate an awards show in the rain.

It's just wrong. Such a downer.

No. Not a downer, Mickey.

You know why? Because we'll all be there.

Right? I don't care if it rains hot lava,



I'm having a good time.

That's the spirit, red.

Oh, so pale.

I look like my mother,
if she'd ever been to China.

No, don't be silly. You look fine.

No, but I will.

Nothing a little man tan can't solve.

How long has she lived here?

About a year. Juna? Yeah.

She has to move every year.

You know,
people find out where she lives, so...

Price of fame. It costs.

- Welcome. Name, please.
- Valerie Cherish.

Mickey, I'm blind.



I can't wait to see this on "tmz."

"Valerie Cherish arrives with
mystery man putting on makeup."

I have no Valerie Cherish.

Valerie Cherish.
She's Emmy-nominated.

Jane, let him check again.

Do you have Jane Benson?

Yep. Jane Benson and a crew of three.

They're in the Jeep behind us filming.

That's me. That's it. Mark berman?

Yeah. Mark Berman, plus one.

Juna always puts it
under my husband's name.

You know, because she's sensitive and smart

and understands what men
need around powerful women.

- May I see some I.D.?
- Yeah.

I'm sorry, but you could have just
glanced at that name near "Benson."

Dude, get a fucking clue.
She is nominated for an Emmy.

- Valerie Cherish.
- Jane.

No, it's fucking bullshit.
You're nominated.

I thought awards didn't mean anything.

Okay. So, there's my, uh,
registration, right there.

Mrs. Mark Berman. And then that's my I.D.

- Very good.
- Okay.

And is this your husband?

Correction. He's the blind one.

Mickey deane plus none.

Here's your champagne. Enjoy.

Juna's party is a Hollywood institution.

- And for you?
- I'll have some fizzy water.

So exciting.
She always has it during awards season,

so everyone's up and in a good mood.

Yeah, if they're nominated.

That's not true. Now that's not true.

This is that one time of
year that you realize,

you know, that despite the
box office and the glamour,

Hollywood's really just
a small company town,

and you're on the team.

That's a good end point if you want it,
Jane.

How long has she been doing it for?

Uh, five years.

Yeah. So... So, you know what?

It's the one time
of year that we know for sure

we're going to see each other.

You know,
we used to meet for lunch once a month

after "Room and Bored,"

but then her career took
off and my schedule...

Oh, look at this.

Pool party.

Oh, yeah.

♪ About the bass, about the bass ♪

Oh.

Who is this for?

Who... who's here? Can you see, Mickey?

I think there's a boy over there

who looks like it could be Tilda Swinton.

- Uh-huh.
- Val, it's you.

They're clapping for you.

They're... that's for... Oh!

Oh. Oh, thank you.

Thank all of you.

Oh, Jane, there she is. There's Juna. Okay.

- Oh, Valerie.
- Yeah.

Hi. Hi.

Sasha from caa. Oh!

You're Sasha. You're my agent. Okay!

Um, actually, I'm... I'm the other Sasha.

Oh. All right.

There... There's three of us.

Right. Yeah.

Uh, the other other one is right there.

Oh, okay. But not your agent.

Oh. Okay.

But we all loved you in "Seeing Red."

Aw, thank you, doll. Thank you.

- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.

Hey, Val!

Juna, Juna, Juna.

Hi. There she is, baby girl.

You cut your hair.

Hi. Hi.

Look at you!

Jane, hey. Oh my God.

Yeah, Val emailed me and told me
you were working for her again.

Yeah. Your house is huge.

Oh. I know. It's ridiculous.

Well...

Um, Val? Yeah?

I need to talk to you about something.

Sure. Yeah.

Um, I saw Mickey earlier by the Sushi.

Oh, yeah. We split up looking for you.

Yeah. So...

Yeah, and, um, he doesn't look good, Val.

Well, yeah.

He's not feeling very well. So...

Is he sick? Like, really sick?

Well, he, um,

doesn't want to talk about it.

You know? But, um, he's got cancer.

But he's okay. He's in treatment.

- Crackers?
- No, thank you.

He's going to be okay, so...
Yeah, looks good.

You know, he's in treatment. You know?

But it's going to be okay. So...

I'm... I'm a little bit worried.

You know, he usually has this
special certain life force,

and that's not there anymore.

Yeah. I really think that's the medication.

It's a tough one.

You know? But he's going to be okay.

You know, I wasn't going to go here,

but I feel like...

You're not seeing things, Val.
And I'm worried.

No. Mickey's going to be fine.

No. I really do think that.

I'm not just talking about Mickey.

Juna, hey! I can't wait any longer.

Oh. Well, I'll see you in a minute,
okay, Sash?

Oh. Okay. Just...

Just give us a second. Okay?

Okay. Let's go.

- Oh. Okay.
- Great party!

Yeah.

So, um...

Hey. Sorry, got to get over here.

Excuse me. Fuck. It's okay.

What's going on?

Um, my feelings were really
hurt about something.

Something that I did?

Well, indirectly, maybe.

Um... I... I'm okay.
Thank you. Thank you so much.

Looks good.

I saw the show.

- "Seeing Red"?
- Yeah.

Uh-huh.
And, um, I'm really happy for you, Val.

And I...
I don't want to make this about me.

But when I saw the show, it really hurt me.

It's not you. You know?

It's not me either.

I just feel like we had
this special relationship.

Yeah, we do. We do.

And I was there for you and
then you were there for me.

And then, I turn on the TV,
and I'm like, "ow."

Oh, baby girl.

But it just, you know,

this makes it seem like I got ahead

by taking my clothes off or
sleeping my way into parts,

which is not what happened.

No, you didn't sleep with anyone.

- Well, only people I wanted to.
- Mm-hmm.

But, you know, it's just that,

you can't really write it
off because you're in it.

And it... And it's like an endorsement.

It's like you're saying it's okay.

Well, you know, it...

- Tuna Tartare?
- No, thank you.

- Looks real good, though.
- Listen. Okay? It's HBO.

Not that many people are going to see it.
So...

People are talking about it. You know?

Yeah. And I... when I'm promoting my movie,

I have to tell people ahead of time that,
you know,

we can't discuss "Seeing Red,"
and it just looks bad.

- Mm-hmm.
- And, okay, yeah.

You know, I do movies with robots.

But I don't think any role is worth...

I don't know.

I may be wrong about all of it, but...

But... I... Wrong about what?

I just, you know...

Yeah. Yeah, um...

I am really happy for you, Val.

Thank you, thank you. I really am.

I really am. I just...

It just feels bad.

I'm sorry.

I am. I'm sorry.

Okay.

You know. And the other thing?

Actually,
the other thing that really kills me...

- Uh-huh?
- Is that Seth is charming.

Yeah.
He makes it looks like we were the problem.

Oh, yeah. No, I know. Yeah.

- Like, Seth is so winning.
- I know.

You know? It's like... It's like you and I

- are these awful women...
- I know.

Who are, like, just a body or an ego.

I know. I know.
That's how he wrote himself.

You know? But you know what?

I'll have to tell you the story one day.
You know?

But now is not the time.
You know, your party.

It's just not the right place.

- Right.
- Right?

Okay, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, so...
Well, I should, uh...

I should probably just
go say hi to everyone.

Oh, sure, yeah. Shouldn't keep you.

But where's...
I didn't even say hi to Mark.

Oh. Well, yeah. He's not here.

He couldn't make it because he had a...
a business thing.

What?
But this is his favorite party every year.

I mean, he... he tells me that
he would never miss a year.

Okay.

Well, he... so...

He's in the Palisades.

And I... I left him a message
about the party, you know?

But he didn't...
He didn't call me back, so...

Are you guys okay?

Yeah, we're going to be okay. Yeah.

I hope nothing happens.

Yeah, well...

You know, I hope so.

Val, you need Mark.

No, I know.

Oh, I...

Nothing's going to happen.
Nothing's going to happen.

It's going to be okay.

I've got...
you know, I've got to get out of here.

Because I've got to get Mickey back.

Okay?

Your house is so beautiful.

It looks real good.

You did such a good job with it.

Okay? So...

You've got to let me go.

Okay. I've got to get Mickey back, okay?

So, let's just think about Mickey.

Okay? Think about Mickey.
Think about Mickey.

- Val?
- Yeah.

- If you need anything...
- Mm-hmm. Thank you. Thank you.

Okay? Um, I'll be around for
the next three days. Just...

Whoo!

Oh my God.

Oh my God! Are you kidding?

Oh my God,
some kid just jumped off the balcony.

Sasha, you've got to come see this.

That is not safe.
No, it is not. Who is that?

Your nephew.

That... what? That's Tyler?
What is he even doing here?

Well, he... he called my production company

and...
and asked if he could be invited, so...

That was so nice of you.

That was... First Hollywood party.

So, yeah.

- All right, who's next?
- Here you go.

Thank you. You go home. I ubered.

Oh, no, no.
You're coming home with us. Okay?

Mickey's tired,
and you weren't even invited.

I'm invited.

Uh, no.
You used my name to get yourself in here

and then you jumped off
the balcony into a pool.

And you're lucky you're not a paraplegic.
That's what.

Paraplegic, right.

Won't be so funny when you're
sipping your life through a straw.

Yeah, that's right.
Just asked you to bring me water,

and that was all so overwhelming.

But somehow,
you managed to get invited to this.

I had to get something
cool out of this dumb job.

Hey, look who it is!

"Seeing Red"!

Oh. Hi, guys.

"Old woman's pussy. Old woman's pussy."

Right, right. She said that to Seth Rogen.

"Go write me some jokes
about an old woman's pussy."

Actually, no. My character said,

"why don't you go write
a real joke about... "

Oh, it's "old woman's pussy."
It's the same thing.

Well... You're awesome.

- Oh, thank you.
- Loved it.

- Hey, can we take a photo?
- Sure! Yeah.

All right, let's do it. Okay, great.

All right. Say, "old woman's pussy"!

Not going to say that.

Okay. We love you.

Oh. Well, that's the most important thing.

That's funny.

Oh! It's Chris. Mickey, it's Chris.

Oh,
Chris Macness' movies are fucking awesome.

Yeah. Well, you know what?
If you had died in that pool,

you wouldn't get to experience this.

- How about that?
- What should we do?

Meaning?

Should we say hello?

Well, yeah.

We can. It's okay.

No way. No way!

Oh... No way! Val Cherish!

Chris. Oh...

- Oh, look at you.
- Oh my God.

- Big. Look at you.
- It is so good seeing you.

You, too. Aw. Do you remember Mickey?

How could I forget? Mickey, my buddy.

It's been too long.

Hey. I want you to meet my nephew, Tyler.

- Hey, man, how you doing?
- Good.

Why's your shirt all wet?

I jumped off the balcony into the pool.

Nice, man.

Now that reminds me of something

that I would have done back in the day.

- I love you!
- I love you, Chris!

Me, too! Love you!

So, should we go in?

- Well, we... we're leaving.
- No.

- Yeah.
- No way. I just got here.

I know. But Mickey's tired, and...

Oh, come on. Just one drink.

It's been forever.

I know. Well... Mickey, one drink?

Love to, red, but I'm beat.

Yeah. Okay, no.

Really? I...

Look, Val, you look so good.

- Aw!
- So good.

Tyler can drive Mickey home.

Jean? No way!

Okay. All right, nice.

You're still doing this.

Yeah. Tyler can, uh, drive Mickey home,

and then drop your car off at your house

and uber the rest of the way.

Genius. That's perfect.

Then we can get a drink,
and I'll take you home then.

Come on. Lets go, toots.

Okay.

Val! I know. So good.

Wait. Tyler?

Right home after. You get me?

It is so good seeing you.

You, too. My God...

He is huge!

- Let's have some fun.
- Pardon me, doll.

Ow! Such a fucking asshole!

Dude, you fell in the water

in front of Chris Macness.
You're such a fuckin' loser.

Oh my God!

I mean, on "Room and Bored,"

I was making, like, $4,000 a week,
and I thought I was rich.

Well, making a little more than that now.

That was my first job, Val.

- My first job.
- Oh my God.

- Your first job.
- He's so hot.

Like you just said.
Sorry, I'm a little distracted.

Those girls just keep staring over here.
So...

And you know what?
You were always so cool to me.

Do you remember that time

when I stepped on that
nail and what you said?

The nail?

Yeah, the nail on the back lot?

Oh, nail on the back lot.

Can I get a picture with him?

Uh, that's up to him, dear.

Uh, yeah, sure. Can I, uh...

Can I just finish the conversation?

And then I'll come find you? Yeah?

Oh.

He just looked at me.
He totally looked at me.

Oh.

Oh my gosh,
did they go in the bathroom? That's weird.

What's up? What's up?

That's right. They're with me.

Right. Remember? Come on in, guys.

Yeah. Like old times, right?

Everybody.

Wait until I get the camera on Chris.
Val.

Settle. Yeah.

So, anyway... Yeah.

So, I stepped on the nail. Oh.
Back... still on the nail?

Val.

Yeah. Well, remember,

I was running around the back lot?

I was trying to get my energy
up for the surf-contest scene?

Oh, right. Yeah.

Yeah. So then, I stepped on the nail,

and... and you said...

For God's sake, what did I say?

You said...

"The price of stardom."

Oh. Right. And now you are a star. Yeah.

But the point is,
you treated me like a star way back then.

Yeah.

don't you want to...
don't you want to open the door?

It's going to be her.

Maybe somebody needs to...

You were right. Oh.

Yeah.

Probably doesn't want me in it.

That's not a good angle.

Go, go, go, go! Now!

Well, it was fun, that's why.

Let's... oh no!

Jane? What are you doing?

This is a two-Lane road!

This shot's too good!

You're going to kill us all!

Suck it, Jane!

Oh! Oh!

Okay, that's good.
Stop. Stop. Get out.

I really need this shot.

Sorry. Here. Thank you.

You got big balls, Jane.

Go. Get ahead of them. Go!

Ooh. Okay.

That's why they shouldn't be
following you around everywhere.

I know.

Let me walk you to your
door like a gentleman.

Oh, yeah, I got it. That's... okay, thanks.

Jane, can you give me a minute, please?

Yeah. Give us a minute.

That's fine. I don't have my key.

But you know what?
Got my hide-a-key, so...

It's all good.

Hide-a-key.

Well,
thank you so much for bringing me home.

You know, for the ride.

It was... really cleared the cobwebs out.

Of course. Of course.

Yeah.

You know, uh... Can I tell you something?

Sure. Yeah.

When we were on "Bored"... Uh-huh.

I had the biggest crush on you.

I thought you were so hot.

Aw, Chris.

So, can I come in?

Thank you for the ride home.

Come on.

Well, you know, I...

You make me feel so good.

But, you know, I'm married, so...

Yeah, but you...
You said he wasn't staying here.

Well, not right this second.
No. But, you know.

Come on.

You know...

You want me to take my shirt off?

No, I can rent one of your
movies if I want to see that.

Or on Netflix.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

So... But you know what?

But you know what I will do?
I'm going to give you a kiss,

because you are doing me a world of good.

Mwah. Thank you.

Well, look... Thank you. Yeah.

Let me give you my number.

And wherever I am, I'm five minutes away.

Okay.

I'm not in here still?

It's a new phone.

So, I don't think you were ever in it,
though.

don't give me that look. Okay?

How come you never called me, playa?

I was embarrassed.

Well...

Oh, shit, I think I just erased something.

You... on my phone? You did? Well...

Um, well, anyways, here.

I... I put it under "Chris."

Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay.

So, why don't you hit me back anytime, Val?

I will hit you.

But tonight would be the best,

because I am really fucking hard right now.

Mm-hmm.

Well, um, you know what?
I've got to get up early.

I've got the Emmys and...

Come on. Let me come in.

No, I can't. Thank you, though.

All right. All right. Yeah.

I... I tried. You tried...

- I tried.
- Hard, yeah.

You did.

Well, look, if... If you...

If you don't want anyone to see,
I can go around back.

I can pull myself up to the bedroom window.

Really, I can.

My last film,

I had to hang from a plane for,
like, an hour.

- But I'll do that. Okay?
- Well, you know...

Are you trying to prove
to me how virile you are?

I already know. So...

All right, I'll go around.

And I'll just come through the back door.

Well, you know what? I don't do back door.

So, I'm sure that's a big letdown for you,

and I understand. So, thank you.

All right, well, hit me back. All right?

I will. I'm going to hit you.

All right. Okay. Goodbye.

Bye, Val.

- Thanks again.
- She's all yours, butch.

You guys are late!

Hey, Chris! Give us a shot!

Chris, look over here!

Movie star with a mommy complex.

Next!

Chris, who's your girlfriend?

Hit me back!

Chris!

I want to thank the television academy.

I'd like to thank the television academy.

I'd like to thank the television academy

and everyone at "Seeing Red."

I'd like to thank the television academy

and everyone at "Seeing Red,"

and Paulie G.,
for torturing me for the last 10 years.

No. No.

Well, I don't want to say that.

Um...

HBO for believing in me.

My husband, Mark. Mm-mm.

This has to be under 30 seconds.

I'd like to thank the television academy,

everyone at "Seeing Red,"

Paulie G. for writing
me this wonderful part,

HBO for believing in me,

and most importantly...

What did... Oh, it's an egg.

I want to thank my husband, Mark,

for always being there...

Okay.

Well, all right. Oh, I forgot Seth. Right.

First of all, I want to thank

the one and only Seth Rogen.

You made me better, Seth.

Yeah, that's better.

Yeah, that's frozen. Okay.

First,
I'd like to thank the amazing Seth Rogen.

You made me better, Seth.

Paulie G. for writing
me this wonderful part.

Yep. Yep.

All the members of the television academy,

my husband... Hot!

I'd like to thank the amazing Seth Rogen.

You made me better, Seth.

Paulie G. for writing
me this wonderful part,

everyone at "Seeing Red,"

HBO for believing in me,

the television academy
for this wonderful honor.

No room for Mark.

First,
I'd like to thank the amazing Seth Rogen.

You made me better, Seth.

Paulie G. for writing me this
wonderful part, for being...

Everyone at HBO for believing in me,

the members of the television academy...

This wonderful honor,

and my husband, Mark,
who's always there for me.

Okay, that was good.

I think that was under 30 seconds, too.

Val, your phone.

Not in front of "Entertainment Tonight."

You look like one of those texting people.

I'm just waiting to hear from Mark.
Find out when he's coming.

I got it. Just until we're
done with the "E.T." shoot.

Billy, I can still see her in the mirror.

Jane, you're still in the shot.

Because I'm supposed to be here.

Look, this is supposed to be
Val getting ready for the Emmys.

Okay? So, just step out of the "E.T."
Frame, please and thank you.

I need this for my HBO doc.

And don't with the face. Okay?

You're done with us after the Emmys,
but Val and I?

We need this to go on and on and on.

Okay. Uh, Scott, darling?

Yeah. Let's not use this part.

All right? Billy? Jane? Okay?

Let's... well,
not too much of a peek behind the curtain.

Huh? So much tension.

I thought I was supposed to
be the nervous one. Right?

Are you nervous?

I can do either.
What do... Which do you prefer?

A little nerves are always good.

Done.

And voila. So am I.

Aw. Perfection as always, Mickey.

Supposed to rain today.

Hope I don't get rained on.

Miss Val,
the water pressure no good.

Okay. No strong. No water.

Okay. Esperanza, dear, not right now.
All right?

I'm doing "Entertainment Tonight."

So...

No water.

How long has Mickey been doing your hair?

Okay. Um, so, let's see.

Mickey joined me when I starred
in my own show, "I'm It."

Which... And that was, uh...

24 years ago.

- 24 years.
- Nearly a quarter of a century.

Well, that's not...

And she is my favorite of
all the heads I've ever done.

- Aw!
- Distant second is that actor...

What is her name?
She was in that sitcom about a family?

Uh... Oh, I'll get it, but...

Okay. What's her name? Blonde.

- Joanna Kerns?
- No, not her.

- Okay.
- I can see her. Real cute family.

Uh... Bonnie Franklin.

No, not her. Thick head of hair.

I always had to back brush it.

Okay. She lives in Beverly Hills?

Bonnie Franklin?

I just said... I just said her.

Well, it's not her. Yeah.

Um, a blonde on NBC.

And now she's a big lez.

Oh, Meredith Baxter-Birney.

- Yep, that's her!
- Okay.

Yeah. Well, she's lovely. Yeah.

Couldn't believe I
couldn't think of her name.

We had lunch every day for a... a month.

Uh-huh.

Oh. Mickey, you're bleeding.

Oh, yeah,
I think you're having a nose bleed.

- Oh.
- Do you have a tissue?

Yeah. Jane, can you get me another tissue?

Yeah. Let's... uh-oh. Oh. Thanks, toots.

- Yeah.
- Oh.

Oh. Shoot.

Oh. I got blood on my good
Yves Saint Laurent shirt.

Yeah. Let me get some cold water.

Here. Okay. There's no...

Esperanza, there's no water!

- Toothpaste. Excuse me, dear.
- I told you so!

You gotta... yeah. Here. Got this.

Okay.

Oh. Oh, okay.

They started me on new medication.

- Yeah.
- It thins the blood.

- Yeah.
- I think it's too thin.

Well, you know what?

This always works when Mark cuts himself.

So...

I was driving down Bundy the other day,

and I had a nose bleed. A real gusher.

Luckily, I had one of your
emergency tampons in my bag.

There I was on Bundy, driving down
with a tampon stuck up my nose.

If you can imagine.

Now they just come on all the time,
anytime.

Yeah.

Red, I don't think I can go.

Because... yeah.

Because this stain's not budging. Yeah.

They are coming. They are coming.

I'm so sorry, red.

Oh. Nothing to be sorry about.

Okay? You just go home, put your feet up

and your head back, and you watch it on TV,

away from all that crazy
pushing and shoving. Huh?

I feel like I'm letting you down.

Don't be silly.

When have you ever let me down? Huh?

And I'm sure Mark will be there for me.

Well, if I take your limo,
isn't that going to make you late?

Plenty of time. Brad Goreski's
not even here with the dress yet.

You just get in there and let...

- What's your name, dear?
- Omar.

Omar. You just let Omar get you home. Okay?

Oh.

Oh. And Omar? Um...

Yeah, you can close it. Um...

Stop by Goldblatt's Deli. Okay?

Because I got a soup and the
sandwich he likes ordered for him.

It's all paid for. Okay?
It's right near his house.

So... Go.
I can tell the man where my Deli is.

Okay.

Omar. Home, please.

And don't spare the camels.

All right.

You take care of yourself, all right?
I'll call you after.

You knock 'em dead, red.

Will do!

Miss Val! All this water!

- What is this?
- Oh, now what?

Where is this water coming from?

All right. Will you just run around
and open the garage door, dear?

- Yes.
- Just...

You should have Billy deep six that "E.T."
crew.

I mean, you're not going to want
them showing that Mickey footage.

Jane, can your agenda be any louder?

No can do. Okay?

Brad's coming, and he's expecting "E.T."

Nice try.

What?

That... that's fecal matter. What?

How?!

Oh! I fall!

Caca!

Okay. Stop screaming, dear!

You've got to stop screaming!

Miss Val! Look! There is a hole...

Yes! In the wall!

I see it. Miss Val, call Mr. Mark.

- Call Mr. Mark.
- I've called him.

Mark, help. Help, Mr. Mark!

I called him four times, okay?

He's not returning!

All right. Oh. Oh, no. It's Brad.

Okay. You have to stop.

Shoot.

Oh, I'm here, I'm here.

Brad! Brad?!

Oh, my goodness.
I know I'm late. I'm sorry.

Uh, yeah, but...
Traffic was, like, forever.

Don't run. Okay, Brad? Just be careful.

Oh. Oh!

It's fine! I saved it! It's fine!

What the fuck!

Oh. Okay. Well, okay.

You know what? I think I will send away
"Entertainment Tonight."

Yeah.

Seriously, Jane, I don't think the cameras

are going to help this situation.

Yeah, well...

You don't care. Well, here he is.

Hello. Sir?

Hi. I'm your next-door neighbor.

And, um, I'm so sorry to bother you,

but I have a bit of an emergency.

Um, I have no water.

Uh, the pipe blew.

I've got a big hole in my wall over there.

And, um, you know, just...

No pleasant way to say this...

got fecal matter all over my driveway.

So, I just really want to
rinse off my legs and feet.

I was real careful. So, you know.

But, just psychologically,
I would like to have it rinsed off,

'cause I'm going to the,
um, going to the Emmys.

I'm an actress, and I'm nominated.

Um, so, um, just was wondering

if you could help me out.

Because, you know,
I really would never want to bother you.

Just have no choice.

How did it blow up?

Well, it's, um,

something with the, uh, back trap.

In the, you know... It's a long story.

I... you know, I was shooting
my TV series over there at my...

Yeah. Well, you know. Right.

Because we used your lawn for the lights.

So, yeah, thank you.

I, um...
well, I guess, um, you know, again...

Not a nice way to put it,
but there was a lot of, uh, traffic.

You know, from the crew.

Who I guess were using those sani-wipes,
which,

according to the plumber I've got over
there right now, are not disposable.

Or, you know, they don't decompose.

That's what it is. Yeah. They don't.

They don't decompose.

Even though it says on the packaging,

very clearly, that they do.

Even put a little picture of a cute turtle

sitting on a toilet. You know?

So, I guess after, um,

you know, months and months of pressure,

it all just finally blew.

You know? So, yeah.

Got this...

Had to call the EPA, you know?

And then they sent out the
guys in the Hazmat suits.

You know?
It will all... It will all get cleaned up.

But, um, you know...

Meanwhile, I would just...
I... I really need to shower.

So...

What's my name?

You don't know your name?

You never come over to
introduce yourself...

Okay. After all this time,

except now, when you need help.

I am so sorry. I'm so sorry.

But in my defense, you know,
you are new to the neighborhood.

And, you know... It's been two years.

Is it? Two years?

Well, better late than never.

I'm Valerie Cherish. And you are?

Amman Adash.

Mr. Adash, it's nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet you.

And, um, really appreciate
it if I could just rinse off.

You know, because... Love you forever.

It's because we're Persian.

You Brentwood people, you're all the same.

Sir, I've got about an hour to get downtown

for what might be the
biggest night of my life.

All right?
So, I just really don't have time

to discuss the problems of the middle east,

real as they are.

So, can you please,
please just let me use your shower?

Please?

Sure. Come. Thank you.

Yeah, I brought my own towel.

Thank you. Right.

No. No, not you.

Yeah, well, I told her that.

Yeah. Okay.

There's no touching.

Thank you. I really appreciate this.

You all right?

I'm fine. Are you guys all right?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Brad's wet.

No, don't. No.

Especially...

Oh, yeah? Okay.

Just put your foot...

I've got to make sure I get my foot in.

Yeah. Okay, got it.

Okay.

You in? Oh, easy. Yeah.

Well, good sign is it's sunny, right?

It's not raining. That's good.

- Here's your clutch.
- Ah, thank you.

You're welcome.

All right. Here, Billy, let me get this.

Of course.

Bye. Okay. Thanks, Brad.

Shit. You're welcome, Val!

Jane? You coming with us, Jane?

Uh, we're taking the Jeep.
Jeep. Got it. All right.

Valerie, right here!

Right here!

Give us a 360!

Valerie, a little more to your right!

Valerie! Hi!

Valerie. Oh, Ron, hi.

- Congratulations.
- Yeah.

We did it. Yeah, we did it. Yeah.

Who is that?

Uh, "Seeing Red" producer.

- Who?
- Ashton, one more this way!

Move. No.

See you. I'll see you.

Wheelchair and a bolo tie is the opposite

of the photo op we want. Okay?

All right, what was I supposed to do?

No more contact. Okay. Can I get my phone?

I just want to text Mark,
tell him we'll meet him by the big statue.

Texting in front of press? No.

You sure he's coming?

What?
Oh, well, of course my man's showing up.

In the end, it's Hollywood, right?

Oh. Here comes Catherine,
the big cheese from HBO.

Quick, talk to her.

Oh. Oh! Hello, hello, hello, you.

This fucking rain fucked up my hair.

- How do I look?
- Great.

Really? Yeah.

I am so happy for you, Valerie.

Oh. Word is you're going to win.

It's... word is...
That's what word is saying?

Have you seen Jodie Foster?

Not yet. Yeah. All right, yeah.

Have... you go...

Jane, she said word is I'm going to win.

Move. Go, go, go. Here he comes again.

Okay. All right.
Why is he even allowed on this?

I don't know. Oh.
Here comes Andy. Right here.

- Valerie Cherish.
- Hello. Yes, Valerie Cherish.

Hi.
I'm standing here with Valerie Cherish.

And you look amazing.
How are you doing tonight?

Oh, I'm doing real well.

Thank you. It's a pleasure to see you.

Do you see Mark, or...

Hey.

Tyler, how are you even here?

What,
is there an Emmy balcony you jumped off of?

No, uncle Mark gave me his ticket.

Oh. Okay, well, go. Tyler, go.

We'll... We'll meet you inside.

- What?
- Go. Just go on inside.

Listen, don't let this ruin your night.

Oh, it won't.

It won't. That's Mark's choice.

That's... that's the choice he made.
You know?

I'm at the Emmys. Biggest night of my life.

- That's right. Right?
- Yeah.

Come on. Oh. There's Jimmy.

- Right there.
- Jimmy? Jimmy who?

Jimmy Burrows.

Oh, yeah. He's getting a
lifetime achievement something.

He's won, like, 40 of these things.

Well, sure. Yeah. I just want to go say hi.

I haven't seen him since "Room and Bored."
Jimmy?

- Can you...
- Jimmy! Oh!

I'm sorry, I can't... I can't get around.

- Come on!
- Uh, hi, Val.

It's, uh, it's not the roller derby.

No, but...

How are you?
Do you know my friend, uh, Sean Hayes?

I have not had the pleasure.

- Nice to meet you.
- You, too.

- Uh, what's all this?
- Oh, it's me. Just me.

Oh. Okay.

Hey, I'm announcing your category.

- Fingers crossed.
- Oh, thank you. Listen.

No matter what it says on that card,
please say my name.

- Huh?
- I'll try.

Bye, Jimmy. Bye.

So funny. Sean!

And he got it. Yay. Okay.

Nice to the fans. Thank you so much!

That's what a pro does. That's great.

Oh, Jimmy, look at us. Look at us.

You and I both at the Emmys.

Yeah. You were, uh...

You...
you were really good in that show, Val.

- I was?
- Yeah, I liked it.

I could have done with, like, uh,
10,000 less needle close-ups.

Oh, well...
He was a junkie, you know?

Yeah, I got that right away.

Yeah.

You really put yourself out there.
Good for you.

I've got to run.

Uh, I've got to find my wife.

Oh. You know, uh, Mark didn't come.

Mark, uh, who's... Who's Mark?

Oh. Oh. Oh, your husband.

Yeah. Yeah.

He didn't show. You know, just...

Threatened by my success.

You know.
Because we've been having some problems.

And, you know,
but he should still understand

that this is important to me. Right?

This is... It's important.

Yeah, it's... It's important,

but it's not as important as that.

You hear me?

This is one night.

- A great night.
- Yeah.

But only one night.

Yeah.

Hope you win. You deserve it.

Thank you.

- And if you do win...
- Uh-huh?

Hold onto that Emmy and everything else.

Okay. Thank you.

Please take your seats.

- The broadcast will begin...
- Let's go in.

What? Yeah. Yeah.

Seriously, Val, everyone is
saying that you're going to win.

Okay, well, we'll see.

Please take your seats.

The broadcast will begin in five minutes.

Excuse me.

So close. Our seats are so close.

- Good sign.
- Okay.

The broadcast is about to begin.

Please don't let that be our seats.

Please don't let that be our seats.

Oh.

Oh, mother-flying-fucker.

Who the fuck does this guy know?

Don't know.

Let's not... yeah.
Two minutes to broadcast...

Hi again.

Think that's my seat,
so just got to get past you here.

How... sure.

Oh! Okay. Please take your seats...

Tripped over your one wheel. Back wheel.

I can't... careful.
No rips. It has to go back.

Okay.

Sir,
there's a problem here.

You can't have this blocking the aisle.

Thank you.
I was thinking the exact same thing.

Now where can we move him?

He's fine. The cameras.

You can't have the cameras
blocking the aisle.

I have clearance from HBO.

Well, I have no knowledge of that.

I'm asking you to move these
cameras to the back of the house.

I need this footage. I'm not moving.

Do I need to call security?

No. Jane, let's not... the show's starting.
Okay?

Hawk,
give me your iPhone.

You guys get what you can from the back.

I've got to fucking film this from here.

Tyler, get up. I'm in that seat.

- I'm a filmmaker.
- Tyler, get up.

Hurry. Hurry.
Let's not draw any more attention

to this area than we have to.

Please welcome your host,
Conan O'Brien.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the Emmy awards,

celebrating the very best
in broadcast television,

cable, Netflix, Amazon,

and the new planters peanut channel.

You laugh, but they launched an hour ago.

They're doing well.

I'm your host, Conan O'Brien.

Tonight, we celebrate the people

who happen to be in town
for this awards show.

We salute you.

Tonight's show is going to be so good,

some of you might even
look up from your phones...

Briefly.

Big year for women in television.

That's right. There were at least two roles

that were not prostitutes. Yes.

That's progress.

I'm one of them.
That's right. Good for you.

That's progress.

Speaking of prostitutes,
Seth Rogen did cable.

Yeah.

Val, you got a text from Mark.

Oh, okay. What's this going to say?

"Good luck."

After he left me alone on
the biggest night of my life.

I'm here. Yeah. That's right. So...

Mickey collapsed at home

and they rushed him to cedars-Sinai.

What?

Excited by the success of
"the sound of music" and "Peter Pan live,"

NBC is hopeful it can get a comedy

to stay alive longer than four episodes...

What do I do? What do I do?

What do you mean?

Reality TV is still going strong.

I just... I don't know. I don't...

Should I go?

You can't go. You're going to win.

When's... when's... When's my category?

Uh, I... I think it's in the first half.

CBS is developing
a reality/cop show hybrid.

My lunch."

A crack team of analysts go
behind the scenes at a restaurant

and discover what is taking
your waitress so long.

I'm just... I'm gonna call Mark.

Hurry back.

I will.

We have a wonderful show for you tonight.

Oh, not this one I'm hosting.

There's a DVD of "Homeland"
in your goodie bag.

Yeah. Yeah, I get it.

Yeah, big night here in Los Angeles.

Kind of a miracle, actually,

and no, I'm not talking about
the fact that tonight...

Mark, it's me. I got your text.

So, how is he? Please call me back.

Miracle!

No,
the miracle I'm talking about is the rain.

That's right, it is raining outside.

It's me again.

Just thought you might pick up.

I'm worried sick. Okay? Please call me.

I don't know what to... To do.

From "Orange is
the New Black" and "The Blacklist,"

please welcome Taylor
Schilling and James Spader.

Help. Can you help me?

It's an emergency. I need my limo.

Yeah, cool. Can I see your ticket?

It's inside with the guy I came with.

I... it's a black limo.

Uh, yeah, lady. They're all black limos.

Yeah. Don't be a dick, man.

No, I did... I have to get to the hospital.

You should get an Uber.
It would be much quicker.

I have that app. I have that,

but I don't know...
I don't know how to do that.

- Because my husband...
- Here, let me help.

Thank you. Uh, yeah. But, I mean,

you're going to have to meet
them out on the street, lady,

because they're not going
to get past security.

Okay. Here. Uh, here.

Right there? Yeah, yeah, over there.

Okay. Thank you.

Yeah, no. Here, let me do that for you.

Thank you.

Yep, you're good.

Yeah. You're all set.

Thank you. Uh-huh.

Okay. Just out there?

Yeah. Right over there.

Yes, yes, I came around the corner.

I'm on the street.

I'm in a silver Prius.

No, I don't... How can you not see me?

I'm the only one in a gown,
holding an umbrella.

Here I am, across the street. That's me.

There you are. Okay. Oh.

Oh, thank you.

Sorry,
I thought you meant the other side...

Yes. I'll get the door.

Yes. I've just got to...

Close it, it's all getting in.

Oh! The dress.

Okay. And hurry. Please hurry.

Try to...

Trying to keep my hand...

Oh, red? What is this?

Sir, do you know what this...
It says "disabled."

It's red. Do you know?

You hit the wrong code three times.

You're blocked.

I can't... blocked? I can't be blocked.

I have to make calls and receive calls.

This is an emergency. Blocked for how long?

Maybe two hours? Depends on the settings.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

Um, I was told to come here.

For Mr. Deane? I'm here about Mickey Deane.

Are you family? Yes. Is he okay?

I'll get the doctor.

Help me! Someone help me.

Nurse?

I'm Dr. Gonzales.

Are you here about Mr. Deane?

He's fine now.

He is? He had a...

He's fine? He's fine?

He had a very bad reaction to his new meds.

Okay. A neighbor called the ambulance.

He wasn't doing good at all upon arrival,

- but he's better now.
- Okay.

The medication is hard on his system.

But it's shrinking the tumor.

- It's... it... it's working?
- Seems to be.

Okay.

Such a pretty dress.

What's the occasion?

Uh, the Emmys.

Can I see him?

Red, what are you doing here?

Well, you never saw my dress.

I'm supposed to be watching you on TV.

Well, we'll watch it together.

Why's the sound down?

I had a little turf war with...

Oh.

You didn't have to come down here.

Yes, I did.

Red, I'm scared.

No. No need to be scared.

Because I'm here.

And I just spoke with that
fabulous doctor of yours,

and she said you're getting better.

Well, isn't she something?

Mm-hmm. There's nothing to be scared of.

Oh. Except maybe that hair.

Well...

Well...

Val.

You came.

I mean, I sent you that text,
but I never expected you to...

There you are.

Um, I, um...

I made a Starbucks run,

and I... if I'd known that you were here,

I would...
I would have brought you something.

Red, this is you! I think this is you.

Yeah. Oh, that... Yeah, it's Sean Hayes.

So, yeah. He's doing my category.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Sean Hayes!

Good evening.

I'm here tonight to present
outstanding supporting actress

in a comedy series,

an award that I've won myself.

What's that? Oh, really? Oh, I... I won...

I won best supporting actor? What a range!

Anyways, the nominees are Laverne Cox,
"Orange is the New Black,"

Sofia Vergara, "Modern Family,"

Julie Bowen, "Modern Family,"

Valerie Cherish, "Seeing Red,"

and Anna Chlumsky, "Veep."

And the Emmy goes to...

Ah. Valerie Cherish.

Oh! Oh my God!

Oh, it did happen! Oh!

Oh, it happened. What? Oh!

No?

I guess she's not here right now.

No, she's right here!

So, I'll take this,
and now I have earrings.

Uh... oh, did you want to accept?

Yeah. Poor Paulie.

Okay. It didn't look like Valerie.

That's a good cover.

That's a pro.

Well, how did you like that?

Miss Cherish, speech, please.

Well, thank you, thank you.

And I accept this remote on behalf

of the two most important men in my life.

Keep it down over there!

Oh, show some respect!
She's an Emmy winner!

I am.

Would you get me my bag?

Yeah. You brought your bag?

Yeah, well, if these meds don't kill me,

the hair will.

Wow. It's really stuck in here.

Okay. Okay.

Mark, would you just plug this
in back there some place for me?

Yes. Sure.

All right.
Just be careful what you unplug, all right?

That's the last thing we need.

Unplug.

I'm so proud of you.

That I came?

That. And everything.

Well, I'm proud of you.

Oh, for what?

Oh. For everything.

So, where's Jane?

Jane. Oh, I forgot about Jane.

Oh.

Wow.

Oh, no.

Well, you want to swing by and
check out some Emmy parties?

Uh, have we met?

♪ Cherish is the word
I use to describe ♪

♪ All the feeling that I have ♪

♪ Hiding here for you inside ♪

♪ You don't know how many times ♪

♪ I've wished that I had told you ♪

♪ You don't know how
many times I've wished ♪

♪ That I could hold you ♪

♪ You don't know how
many times I've wished ♪

♪ That I could mold you into someone ♪

♪ Who could Cherish me as much as I ♪

♪ Cherish you ♪

♪ Cherish is the word
I use to describe ♪

♪ All the feeling that I have ♪

♪ Hiding here for you inside ♪

♪ You don't know how many times ♪

♪ I've wished that I had told you ♪

♪ You don't know how many times ♪

♪ I've wished that I could hold you ♪

♪ You don't know how many times ♪

♪ I've wished that I could mold you ♪

♪ Into someone who could Cherish me ♪

♪ As much as I Cherish you ♪

♪ Cherish is the word ♪