The Comeback (2005–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Valerie Faces the Critics - full transcript

(Applause)

Our next guest co-stars with Seth Rogen

on the HBO limited series, "Seeing Red."

Please welcome for the first time to
"The Talk,"

Valerie Cherish!

♪
♪ (Applause, cheering)

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

Nice to meet you.

Hello. Welcome, welcome.

Nice to meet you.



Nice to meet you.

Thank you!

- Hi.
- Thank you. Hi.

Hi, Valerie. Welcome to "The Talk."

Oh, thank you.

And congratulations on your new show.

- I know!
- (Applause, cheers)

And on your Emmy nomination.

I know!

For "Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy."

I know!

You sound surprised.

Well, it feels like we just finished,

and then here I am.



You know, and only six episodes,

and I'm blessed with an Emmy nomination.

So, you know. Yes.

Thank you. Yeah, yeah.

Not that I don't deserve it, okay?

'Cause I did a lot for those six episodes.

Right?

And some of it was quite shocking.

Yes, yes it was.

But hopefully funny, right?

Because "Seeing Red," it's a dark comedy.

So it's not like back when I starred in
"I'm it!"

The show I did, which was more,
uh, mainstream humor.

And this is edgy.

Well, we should let people know,

for those of you who haven't seen it,

Valerie is a lonely loser of an actress.

- (Audience laughs)
- On the show!

Okay? On the show.

(Applause)

Of course. Of course.

In real life, you're married.

That's right. To my husband, Mark.

So, shout out to Mark.

(Applause)

In fact, you've had one of the most
unique weddings we've ever seen.

Valerie: Oh, well. Oh.

- (Audience laughs)
- Hosts: Aww.

Valerie: That's the picture.

Sheryl Underwood:
You could not get me on skis for any man.

Esperanza: Miss Val.

Ay, miss Val.

Mr. Mark and you so happy then.

(Valerie chuckles lightly) Yeah.

Yeah, it was a happy day, huh?

Till I tried to throw the bouquet
and slid halfway down the mountain

before anyone could catch me or it.

(Coughing)

You okay over there? Look at you.

So comfy like the queen mother.

Not that I'd call you a mother.

(Laughing)

Oh, one minute I am cold,

the next minute I'm hot.

I have had so much radiation

that every time I pass by a VCR,

it plays the movie "Silkwood."

Oh, Mickey.

Meryl Streep.

"A dingo ate me baby."

That's not "Silkwood."

No, that's my Meryl Streep, though.

Huh? Oh, okay.

Okay. Ready for lunch, everyone?

Mickey, got you the Cobb salad you like.

Jane, you still a vegetarian?

Jane: Yes, why wouldn't I be?

We haven't seen you in two whole months,

so, I don't know,
maybe you like meat again.

I've never liked meat.

Is that a lesbian joke, Jane?

(Laughs)

(Doorbell rings)

- Miss Val!
- Yeah?

Mr. Mark.

No, dear. He's in the Palisades.

It's Billy.

You can still answer the door, though.

That's right.

Better tape the windows, Jane.

We're about to be hit by hurricane Billy.

Oh, no.

My publicist is in the middle of
an Emmy press blitz. You know?

Ain't nothing wrong with that.

Which one is mine?

Well, it's the one that says "Tyler,"
Tyler.

Yeah. There you go.

Here, Jane. You miss me?

I see you every day in editing.

Oh, how cute.

How's it looking? You happy with my doc?

That's short for "documentary."

Jane: I am.
I think it's gonna be really good.

Oh, is that a smile?

Mickey, Jane smiled!

(Laughs)

That's so exciting. When can I see it?

Well, it's not finished yet.
We still have to get the Emmy stuff.

Oh, right, yeah. The big finish.

How will it end?

That's good.

Well, I'm with her right now,
so I'll confirm and get back.

- Thank you. Bye.
- There he is.

Oh, oh. Okay.

So, "Entertainment Tonight"
wants to follow you on Emmy day.

Hair, makeup, dress.

"Valerie Cherish gets ready at home."

Oh, it's one of those award
show before and afters?

Where the person's hair is in curlers?

You know, "I'm not ready!"

And then they're ready. Fascinating.

Oh! That's great.

'Cause the fans really, just...

fans really love that sort
of peek behind the curtain.

Yeah,
they're gonna be with us the whole day.

Jane: Well, I'm here with my crew, so...

So... so what?

And, hi.

Jane: Hi.
So we're not doing that type of TV thing.

This is an HBO doc.

She's one of the three nominees
that they're following.

Okay, Brad Goreski is gonna
hand deliver the dress.

Why on earth would he do that
if there were no cameras?

No. It's happening.

Well, I have exclusive rights per HBO,

and they went to a lot of
trouble to get me access

to the... to the thing.

The awards show?

Jane: Yeah, whatever.

All right, you know what, everybody?

We'll figure it out, okay?

Billy, there's a Chinese chicken salad.

All right.

Can't we all just get along?

Billy: Damn it.

Why do they send bread?

(Thuds) Damn it.

Here's your...

aww.

Look at that.

Sleeping beauty.

I'll just leave that.

Guys, do you wanna get your meal?

Guys, I got you salads, you know.

Better come and get it
before it's not fresh.

Hi, it's me.

I know the therapist said we're not
supposed to talk outside the sessions.

But she also said she
didn't have food issues,

and I saw her in her
car in a CVS parking lot

eating French fries out
of a McDonald's bag, so...

Anyway, I just needed help with something,

and you're just so good at these things.

I'm sorry. I didn't tell you what it was.

That's right.

I'm writing a letter of
recommendation to the USC film program

for Tyler.

Yeah.

Yeah, he changed his major.

Your nephew is a filmmaker now.

So, anyway...

This is what I have so far, okay?

"Tyler Beck is an inspiration."

I know, right? Yeah.

A little overdone, yeah.

All right, let me rephrase it.

Tyler Beck is spoiled.

That's right. And entitled.

Mm-hmm. That's good.

I knew you were good at this.

That makes him perfect for Hollywood, huh?

Sound familiar?

Oh, good. You laughed. Okay.

Um...

You know what I miss?

Besides you, that is?

You know those double-stuffed pork
chops at that restaurant we liked?

Yeah, that one. Yeah.

What's say you and I have a
sneak date tomorrow night?

I won't tell if you won't.

(Chattering)

Jane: Here she comes. Go.

Hi.

- Thank you.
- Ryan Seacrest is here.

- I'm sorry?
- See the paparazzi?

He's at soulcycle.

Is he?

Jane, what are you doing here?

I need this scene with you and Mark.

Oh, no.

I'm sorry. Absolutely not.

This is private.

So, no.

I need this scene.

Jane, Mark and I have a lot of issues

around you, okay?

I'm sorry to be so blunt,
but you're forcing my hand

with this sneak attack.

So, good night.

Wear a mic.

We'll shoot through the windows.
He'll never see us.

Jane, no. This isn't that MTV
show with the candid cameras.

"Punk'd." It's not "Punk'd", okay?
I'm trying to fix my marriage.

I know, that's why I'm here.
To get the Mark and Valerie love story.

People are gonna wanna know
how you two got back together.

Well, okay. I'll tell you. I'll tell you.

It's not as good as hearing it.

And you know that.

- We are so...
- I ca...

So close to having something
so special about you.

Please don't back away now.

Yeah, won't be as good. I hear you.

- (Car horn honks)
- All right. Well...

Okay, yeah, yeah.

Put the mic on.

(Chuckles)

Standing up. Such a gentleman.

Hey. Thank you.

- Well, I got you a Malbec.
- Oh.

Jane: We can hear him through her mic,
yeah?

- Mm. That's good.
- Okay.

Um...

Well, Val, I've had a lot of time to think.

And, um...

Look, things aren't really good between us.

They're not good, but,
Mark, we love each other.

- Okay, all right. Just let me finish.
- Okay.

I don't want to make you the bad guy here.

It's just... it's like...

What happened to our life?

- You know?
- Yeah.

And I'm responsible too.

I mean, I thought I was a
good sport about your career,

and maybe it turns out I'm...

I'm not such a good sport.

And if this is who you are,

- then I don't know if we can...
- But, no... okay, listen.

This is... this is a rough patch.

Right?

I'm sorry...

That I caused this crazy mess.

Mark, I am.

We've been through so much worse than this.

- I know, I know.
- Right? I mean...

Much worse. Yeah.

But, see, Val, this is...

This is totally different from my affair.

Or the abortion.

I mean,
your abortion was something that you...

what are you doing?

I have an itch.

Are you wearing a wire?

Um...
I realize now that that was a mistake.

You know?

Are you in the FBI now?

I mean, what the fuck, right?

Is this... is this what we're
doing in here, is this...

Is this even real?

Is there any part of you
that is real anymore?

(Stammering) This is...

For our love story, okay?

Jane made me. She talked me into...

Are they filming us?

- Well, I wouldn't let...
- Are they filming us?

I didn't let the cameras in.

I didn't bring the cameras in,
Mark, out of respect to you.

You are wearing a fucking wire!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Mark, please just sit down, okay?

I'm not... look, I'm not...
there's no mic anymore.

I mean, it went down my sleeve.

And I can't fish it out right now.
But I...

You know... Look, okay? There.

I blocked it.
I'm blocking it, so they can't hear me.

They can't hear us, so please sit down.

Mark, please sit down, okay?

I'm not doing this for me, okay?

My career's fine.

Jane needs this.

I don't.

No, Val.

I don't need this.

Okay... Mark?

Mark?

Hey, why don't you join your fed friend
in there for a glass of wine, Jane?

I already paid for it.

Just like everything else.

Mark.

- Marky Mark?
- No, Val.

Remember before when I
said I need distance?

Well, more. Lots more.

What does that mean?

Well, it means I hope you win your Emmy.

Hope you win your big goddamn prize.

Jane, I hope you win whatever
the fuck you're trying to win.

I hope all of this was worth something.

So, what is this? I finally get something,

but it's not about you,

so what?

So, what'd you get, Valerie?
What'd you get?

You got an Emmy nomination.

Big whoop.

Well, it is a big whoop.

Mark, it is a big whoop. Just like your...

Golf trophy's a big whoop.
I made it a big whoop.

Okay? I put it on a shelf
every time anyone came over.

I said, "oh, look at Mark's golf trophy."

You know,
it wasn't easy to work it into conversation

for months afterward.

Someone would say "nice day," and I'd say,
"well, speaking of nice days,

my husband Mark won a golf trophy."

You know...
for 14 years, Mark, I was your cheerleader.

No, I was your cheerleader, Val.

10 years.

Ever since you were obliterated
by that fucking Comeback disaster.

I was your cheerleader!

Well, I was there for you, Mark.

All those boring firm dinners.
And I'm sorry, but they were.

What is it that your company makes?

"Well, whatever it is, I'm sure no
one's gonna manage your portfolio

better than my husband Mark."

No one asked you to do that.

Just like no one asked me
to make sure Francesca ate.

Right? But I did.

I sat there at that dinner table

long after you threw up your hands

and went into the other
room and watched a game.

I sat there, and I made sure that she ate.

That was me, okay?

Making your house a home.

I did that.

Okay? And I did that

while I was shooting the most
challenging show of my life.

Making my house a home?

Making my house a home?

You had 300 strangers wreck my home.

Every time I had to use the bathroom,
there was some fat crew guy in there.

Okay, the same crew

that I got your nephew Tyler a job on?

- That crew?
- Oh, come on.

That was about you manipulating me.

And it's always about you.

I've been there for you, Valerie,

when no one believed in you.
I have been there for you!

No one?

Really? Not no one, Mark.
Because I believed in me.

I'm not no one.

That's not nice.

Maybe you don't think I'm someone,

but I have a birth
certificate that says I am.

Maybe you should talk to
the television academy

'cause they think I'm someone.

Okay? They think I'm someone.

Go cry in your tub again.

Yeah, really?

This is going nowhere.

Where is my fucking car?!

That's right. That's right.

Go back to the Palisades, Mark.

You can yell and scream all you want there.

Go ahead. I've got other things to do.

Oh, yeah.
You've always got other things to do.

This is your list of things to do.

I am not on it.

Sorry, I got the wrong Mercedes.

It's all right. Sorry.

- You know what?
- No, do you know what?

Do you even care about me anymore?

Do you care about anyone?

This is what you care about.
You care about this.

And that.

And everyone else, including me,

is in the back seat.

That's right.

That's right.
You're not in the front seat this time.

That's right.

Sorry, little boy.

You have to ride in the back seat now.

Just this one time, though.

I hope you win.

That's all you really care about.

That's not true, Mark.

That's... Mark. Wait, Mark.

Wait, I just have to...

Say...

This is your Emmy ticket.

Okay? And I got your tux dry cleaned.

So, please come.

Please come.

I don't know how to explain your absence.

Are you even in there anymore?

I'm... what does that mean?

You're this Valerie Cherish, right?

I have to get my car.

Man: Valerie, say hello to TMZ.

Valerie!

(Line ringing)

You just went through a red light.

No, partly yellow.

Tell her, Tyler. It was yellow.

Tyler: It was red.

Mickey: Hello, this is he.

He whom you have called.

Leave a message, and don't be afraid
to sing if the spirit moves you.

It's me again, Mickey.

Already sang. Not gonna do that again.

So, just looking for you.

Worried about you.

You're worried about Mickey?

No, I'm not worried.

You just said you were worried.

That's just something you say.

More curious than worried.

You know, he's supposed to show up today

and do my hair, and he didn't.

Just wondering... so much going on.

Who dropped the ball?

Has he ever not shown up before?

Well, let me check my palm pilot

that we all used to have.

Jane, stop looking for drama, okay?

I'm not worried,

and the light was mostly yellow.

Take a right on Crescent 'cause I have
the crew waiting to get a driving shot.

(Phone ringing)

Hello, Mickey?

Billy: No, it's Billy. Oh.

Got your text.
What does, "did you fire my keys" mean?

Oh, no. I was driving.

It was, "did you hire Mickey?"

For the press junket.

Billy: Oh, I texted him last night, why?

Oh, he didn't show up.

Billy: How's your hair?

In process. Had to set it myself.

Billy: Well, this is the big press junket.

If the hair's not great,
stop by a blow dry bar.

You still have time, I use the one
on Sunset, across from Chin Chin.

Do you? All right. Thanks, doll.

Oh, there's the crew. Tyler, duck down.

Oh, this is cool.

Maybe we'll just drive
by Mickey's apartment

on our way to the hotel.

Isn't that out of the away?

We're in L.A., Jane.
Every thing's out of the way.

Is it about his health?

Mickey's fine, okay?

Mickey?

I have to.

Mickey, I'm coming in.

Jane: Can I get the camera in first?

What? No. But I just...
let me just get the camera in first.

Oh. I have... I...
Cameraman: Excuse me, ma'am, excuse me.

Valerie: I don't like this.

Mickey, it's me. Holy f...

I called first.

Let's see.

Oh. Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Jane, we're too late.

No, no. He's breathing. Mickey.

- Mickey?
- (Moaning) What's happening?

- Oh. Okay. Yeah.
- Red?

What the hell is this?

You didn't show up today.
I didn't know if...

what are you doing here?
I'm naked. I'm naked, red!

I didn't see anything. No.
That's right, just cover yourself up.

Yeah, that's okay, Mickey.
You just didn't show up.

What day is today?

- What time is it?
- It's 11:30.

Who did your hair?

Well, I... Oh!

Tyler: Ho-ho-ho! No way!

Tyler. Oh, this is uncomfortable.

Juan, this is Valerie Cherish.

What is the camera about?
You can't show my dick on camera.

Jane: We can if you sign a release.

Valerie: Jane, no.

This is my friend, Juan.

(Tyler laughs) Tyler, not funny.

Come on, be a professional.

Okay. Jane, let's go.

(Groans) Ooh!

I'm sorry! I hit it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Everyone out, right now.

Come on. That's enough.

This is private.
Cricket, come on, make a move.

Hawk. Stop now.
Turn it around, turn it around.

Okay. Look. Closing it up.

I told you. I told you he was fine.

You had to push the drama.

I wasn't worried.

He's more than fine, Jane. He's having sex.

(In Latin accent) You can't
show my dick on camera.

- (Stammering)
- (Tyler laughs)

You just have to behave.

- You can't show this.
- Don't. Stop it.

Mickey, I am so sorry.

What are you doing, red? You haven't
been here since I moved in in 1993.

You didn't show up to do my hair.

Oh, was I supposed to do that? I forgot.

Full disclosure, I'm still a little drunk.

Billy sent you a text last night.

Well, let's just say the
phone was not in my hands.

- Of course not, no.
- (Tyler chuckles)

But it's just...
you didn't answer your phone all morning,

so when did you ever not do that?

- Never.
- Right.

I just needed to have a little fun, red.

Okay. Now I get it, yeah.

All right, man. I have to take off.

You are one hot papi.

Oh, why, cat and Butler, how you do go on.

(Laughs)

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Mickey: Mm-hmm...

Dude, wait, hold on.
Can I get you to sign something?

Jane, don't bother. We're not using it!

We're not using it, so...

Mickey... (Stammering)

Are you, um...

Physically up for that?

Red, I' have a lot of problems.

That has never been one of them.

Okay. (Chuckles)

Okay. Good to know.

Think you want to shower first?

Yeah.

Yeah. No, no. Oh, I'll call you back.

All right. (Chuckles)

Did you see this, Billy?

Did you?

Isn't it funny? Can you get... ?

It's great. Bigger than the others.

How was Germany?

Oh, great. Yeah, she really loved it.

Not as much as the guy from Spain loved it,
but she liked it, too.

She kept saying, "ja, ja."
So I just said it right back.

- "Ja, 'Seeing Red, ' ja."
- (Both laugh)

I've never done international press before.
It's really fun, Billy.

- Well, you're killing it, Val. Killing it.
- Oh, great.

Okay, that's it for international press.
Now it's just social media

for your Emmy push.

(Laughing)

Oh, wow. Ooh.

Thought I was already in that room.

I'd hate to have to follow Seth, huh?

Seth's gone. That's Paulie.

Oh, is it? Good for him. Good for him.

Even though he's not nominated

for himself, or the show.

Here he is, doing his best.

He's a real team player.

He owns it.

That's right. Well, that, too.

Come on. Shall we go? In a minute, Mickey.

Valerie: Okay, here we go.

Is that Valerie Cherish?

Hello, hello, hello.

Oh, look at all of you.

Just look.

Billy: Valerie Cherish, everyone.

Time is limited,
so why don't we just dive right in, huh?

(Chuckles)

Ooh, sorry.
No time for foreplay, am I right?

(All chuckling)

Oh, hey. I know of you.

Congrats on the show.

How's it feel to be doing a cable show

versus a cheesy network sitcom?

Well, it feels great, Bob. It does.

But I don't think that one is necessarily
better than the other, you know?

'Cause they're all entertainment,

and I'm an entertainer, right?
I'm a storyteller.

But those sitcoms are so annoying
with that fake laugh track.

Well, no, no, they're not fake.

Those are real people laughing.

And I'll tell you, we worked pretty
hard to get those real people to laugh.

Okay, maybe they're real people...
Yeah, they are.

Fake laughing.

Agree to disagree. Okay, Bob?

Who else?

Daphne of "the Daphne Download."

Oh, that's a cute name.

Can you talk a little bit about how
the women were used in "Seeing Red"?

Sure, yeah. Um, you know...

In "Seeing Red,"
the women were used in all kinds of ways,

like they are in life. Right?

All kinds of women, all kinds of roles.

Um, you had...

My character was a TV star.

But then you had...

Waitresses, and, um...

Therapists,

meter maids,

strippers,

crack addicts.

His mother in the flashbacks, right?

So, I just think there's
so many parts for women

in TV right now, and it's just wonderful.

Look at all the other nominees for
best supporting actress. Right?

I feel so blessed to be in their company.

But every woman in your series was
used in an over-sexualized way.

Even the nurse in the ER.

Well, to be fair...
Mitch, he was high in the hospital

and had boundary issues.

Was it, uh, difficult for
you to do the oral sex scene

with Seth Rogen?

Even though, I... I find him adorable.

So cute.

(Daphne snickering)

My type. "B-t-dubs."

Yeah, well... Yes, he is.

And yes it was.

Then why did you agree to do it?

Uh, well, because...
I'm an actress, darling.

And you do what's required for the role.

You know? I mean, like I said before,
I'm a storyteller.

And this was Paulie's story

about that time in his life.

And it's uncensored because
it's on a network like HBO.

Are you saying HBO pushes
the sexual content?

No, I'm not. No.

I'm not. I'm saying that...

Paulie G. wrote about
that time in his life.

What about how women are
depicted in other shows?

- From "Entourage," to...
- Please don't start this again.

You just said it's Paulie's version

of that time in his life. Yes.

Did Paulie have that much sex?

Well, does anyone?

(All chuckling)

No, I don't know.

That's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying, um...

I don't know what I'm saying.

Um... (Chuckles)

What's fabulous about you?

Why do we care?

Tyler, can you get me some water, will you?
Yeah.

You want me to do it now?

Valerie: Please, yeah. Thank you.

Appreciate it, yeah.

Can we talk about some of the symbolism in
"Seeing Red"?

Sure, yeah. Just gonna have some water.

Your character Mallory...
Yeah, you can talk...

- represents show business.
- Okay.

And Mitch's hatred for that part of himself

that craves the spotlight,
just like his body craves the heroin.

And in detox,

when he hallucinates burying
you alive in the desert,

he's trying to kill that part in him,

in all of us that needs so much
approval from the outside world.

It's not a show business story
so much as a human story.

We need to stop being addicted to
other people's versions of ourselves.

Mitch is Mallory, right?

I have no idea.

Just, you know...

Wish I had you six months ago when I was
laying in bed staring at the ceiling,

thinking, "what does it all mean?!"

Right?
Just... that's what... (All chuckling)

What about the rumors that doing
the show destroyed your marriage?

Oh. Uh, not true. No.

I'm happily married.

Just a quick follow-up question.

Have you been to TMZ?

Oh, that, yeah. Well, no, that...

that was a misunderstanding

between my husband and I.

And that's also part of this
documentary we're doing for HBO.

That's what these cameras are for.

That one is, you know, more about...

Just a realistic view about

how hard marriage can be sometimes.

So that story... again, I'm a storyteller.

Bob: What's the documentary called?

Um... (Stammering) You'll have to ask Jane.

That's Jane Benson. She has an Oscar.

So, here's your chance
to plug the movie, Jane.

What are you calling it?

Well, the working title is
"The Assassination of Valerie Cherish."

Okay, well...

In other words,
we're still working on the title.

Does the assassination refer to how many
times he tries to kill you in "Seeing Red"?

Yes.

Look at you. Always thinking.

Billy: Good. Great. Thank you, everybody.

Valerie: Thank you.
I think that's all the time I have.

So, appreciate it.

Billy: The elevator's going down.

But we are going up.

Valerie: Everyone hungry?

Should we go somewhere? My treat.

Paulie: Hold it!

Oh, there he is.

Hey.

Val and the circus.

How's everyone?

Good, yeah.

♪ ♪

Well, if this thing crashes,
it couldn't be any worse than

being in another room with the press,
am I right?

That's right. (Laughs)

You should be so proud of yourself,
though, Paulie.

So many of them love the show,
love your work.

Yeah, now all I need is a time machine

so I can go back and get them
registered as Emmy voters.

(All chuckle)

Hey, you going to Juna's big party?

Uh-huh, yeah. Sure.

Any chance I can tag along,
or are you booked?

I only have the plus one.

You're booked. Cool. Yeah.

Mickey, you going?

Mm-hmm. Every year.

Billy, you... ?

Billy: No.

All right. See you at the Emmys.

Oh, are you going?

Paulie: Yep.

Singer: ♪ I can feel it
coming in the air tonight ♪

See you there!

♪ Oh lord ♪

You guys know where you want to go?

♪ And I've been waiting
for this moment ♪

♪ For all my life ♪

♪ Oh lord ♪

♪ Oh lord ♪