The Comeback (2005–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Episode #2.2 - full transcript

Is this on?

Well, it's been a month
since my last Val vlog.

Was this going the whole time?

Well, it's been a month
since my last Val vlog,

and I have some really big news.

But first, I just want to give a shout-out

to my subscriber who said, "I
love it when you do impressions."


I have very big news

that I'm very excited to tell you about.

That's my Edith bunker.

Played by the wonderful...

Jean stapleton! Okay.

I should get to my news.

Uh... I've been cast in an HBO show.

Why are you telling people you're...

Ugh, God. Mark, I thought you left.

Why are you sneaking up?

Well, I'm not sneaking up.
I came to get something.

And why are you telling people
that you're doing that show?

We talked about that.

Well, okay, to be fair...

Okay, you said, "no effing
way" and left the room.

I was trying to have a safe discussion
and you left the listening circle.

- Oh, is that what I did?
- Yeah.


I'm listening.

Tell me again why you'd
ever want to do that show.

It's HBO, Mark. I'll be
an actress on an HBO show.

Do another HBO show.

Okay, I'll just put my name
on the sign-up sheet for that.

Okay, now it sounds like
you're not listening.

Okay. All right. Listen,

I hear that, okay?

I hear that. So you go.


I'm expressing concern that...

You're doing something that's a
not-so-flattering version of yourself,

- written by a drug-addicted...
- Okay.

- Asshole, who's just gonna...
- Yeah. Okay.

Right. I'll go. First of all,

I'm not playing me. HBO
was very clear about that.

Okay, and B:

Paulie's different now,
okay? He's been through rehab.

- Val...
- Twice. Two rehabs.

- People don't change.
- Ooh. Okay.

You just got me. What was that?

It's oatmeal. It's really in there.

Steel-cut? That's okay.

And he cast me, okay? Paulie cast me in it.

So he has changed, Mark.

All right? Mark, please, it's HBO, okay?

They do all those
award-wining shows, right?

Like "Mad Men."

Is that HBO?

Well, they're always smoking
on it. I just thought...

Oh, no, you're right.
You're right. That's A&E.

Yeah. So... Well, they
have "Game of Thrones."

You like that one, right?

You always fall asleep to that one.

- Yeah, that's good.
- Right.

Well, here we are at HBO.

New member of the family.

Okay, look at this.

Oh, "Sex and the City."

Started it all.

Guess I'm one of the girls now, huh?

Oh, all right. Here we go.

"The Sopranos."

Started it all...

In a different way, you know.

Don't know that one, actually.


I don't know it.

Oh, and then...

"New Girls," huh?

Now, this one, she's real special.

That, um, Lela Durham.

I think it's Lena Dunham.

Well, I don't...

There, that... no, I'm right. Lena, yeah.

Really excited to see this one.

Can't wait for that.

- Valerie?
- Huh? Oh.

- Hi.
- We're ready for you.

Okay. Take my purse.

- Thanks.

- Okay, here we are.
- Okay.

Yeah, probably a six...

I gotta go.

- Hi.
- Hello, hello, hello.

Pretty office. So pretty.

Smells pretty too.

Oh, thanks. Oh, yeah, they're with me.

- Oh. Right.
- Yeah.

- Valerie, it's great to see you.
- Uh-huh, you too.

Okay, great. Thanks, so...

Valerie, this is Rada.

- Hi.
- Current programing. Hi.

- Okay. Yeah. Such a pretty name.
- Thank you.

You know Connor and James?

Sure do. Yeah.

Wow, gang's all here, huh?

Right, 'cause you said
you wanted to see us all.

Uh, is there a problem?

No. Oh, no.

Everything's fine.

Great. Yeah. No, I just...
I had a couple questions.

No, first, just about the film crew...

you need to move over a little bit.


Yeah, we should talk about that.

What's this for?

Well, this is... oh, this is
just, you know, BTS footage.

You know, it's BTS: Behind the scenes.

And I just thought, you know, if you
want it, you could have BTS for SR.

SR: "Seeing Red."

Oh, watch the blinds, Ivan.

Do better.

Maybe we could use it for web content,

- social media...
- Oh.

Yeah, 'cause these kids have been
following me around everywhere.

And the great thing is, they're cheap.

You know? So it won't cost you much.

And I just think it's real
important to support young people

getting a leg up in the business.

Yeah, we'd have to use a union crew.

Yeah, then they're gone.

They're going back to school. Oh.

You know, so everybody wins. Okay!

- Great.
- Okay.

Um, can I ask you something
about the schedule?

- Hold that thought.
- Holding.

When you had your show, "The
Comeback," which I loved,

you had a really great
producer. Who was that?

Oh, from "The Comeback"? Jane.

Jane who?

Um, Jane...

Uh, Jane Jane.

Jane Benson.

That sounds right. Yeah.
No, I've worked with her.

Oh, okay. Well, then let's get her.

Or I'll get her, 'cause I
know her. Jane Benson, yeah.

Yeah. Great. Okay.

Okay. Good.

Wait, you wanted to say
something about the schedule also?

Yes, I did. Thank you.

Just... sorry.


Need a union crew.

But they're great.
They've been learning.


I did want to talk to you about...

yeah, it's all just happening so fast.

You know, want to get my ducks in a row.

You know, so I was wondering

when do we start? What, like, six weeks?

No, we're starting next week.

Oh, we moved it up. We wanted
to get these on air for spring.


That's fast. I just wanted
time to... You know...


Prepare what?

Prepare... Well, prepare.


Oh, no. You don't need anything.

Well... okay.

Oh, no, no, no. You
don't need to do anything.

You are perfect.

Thank you. You're perfect too.

We need to see what we saw in the audition.

You're one of the few
actresses who still looks real.

- Uh-huh.
- That's why we hired you.

Oh. Okay.


Doctor, I only got a week
to heal, so what can we do?


- Valerie.
- Yeah. Yeah.

- Wasn't talking to anybody.
- Um, forgot.

We would like to invite you to
see the Golden Globes next week.

Oh, okay.

- You're part of the HBO family now.
- Aw.

We'll see you then. We
throw an amazing after-party.

Yeah. Yeah.

I am so excited about this. I
loved "The Comeback" and "I'm It."

Oh, thank you!

Yeah, I saw it at the
museum of broadcasting.

Uh-huh. Okay.

That means it's a classic. That's nice.

That's in Beverly Hills.

Right. Yeah. Across from
the... Nate 'n Al's. Yeah.

Mickey, please tell me you're
still in touch with Jane.

Okay, there's nothing.

All green, and I know
we're not at a golf course.

This trip to "Jane-ville"
is a long way to go.

That email looked like
a definite no to me, Red.

Well, no such thing as a definite no, okay?

What's the name of that road again?


It's, uh...

4325 Yasidro Sage road.

And I know this is her current address

because I didn't get my
Christmas newsletter back.

Okay, we're nowhere.

Oh, so many people are dead.

Didn't that sign back there say that?

All right, I need to pay attention.

Didn't realize I'm gonna
have to leave bread crumbs.


I think you made a wrong turn, hon.

Oh, there it is.

I don't want to hit the dogs.

Aw, look at this.


Look at where we are.

Jeez, the sun.

Where's my sombrero?

Oh, you wanna get it?
Yeah. I'm gonna need it.

My face will look like little orphan Annie.


Oh, look!


Yeah, I saw them. Yeah.

What's wrong with
that one's leg? It's bandaged.

Oh, yeah. Supposed to shoot them, right?

"They shoot horses, don't they?"

- That movie...
- No.

You should Netflix it.

Yeah. Okay.


Jane, Jane. Sound familiar?

Oh my God.


I thought, "who is this?"

And then I saw the cameras
and I knew it was you.

You never give up.

Well, you do. You're really
off the grid here, huh?

Well, I'm not really off the
grid. If I was, I wouldn't have

gotten your email about
the Paulie G. thing.

Oh, yeah. Okay.

All right, okay. Yeah.

- Come in.
- Thank you.

- Yeah.
- Come on. Yeah.

Oh, look out. Watch it.

- Bust up the joint.
- Don't worry about that.

Here, let me fix that for you, Jane.

- Oops. Yeah, it's... okay.
- Okay. Go ahead.

- Hey, Mickey.
- Hey, sweetie.

Oh, wow.

This is nice.

Oh my goodness.

You own this?

- Yeah.
- Aww.

Wow, good for you.
♪ Looks like we made it. ♪

Neil Diamond. So good.

I think it's Barry Manilow.


I get it... I get it, Jane. I get it.

Get why you live all the way
out here, away from everything.

- You know, good for you.
- Yeah.

So, Valerie...

Um, thank you for thinking of me,

but I'm not interested. So...

Would you guys like some tea?

Sure. Yeah, while we talk?

- Yeah, let's talk about it.
- All right.

I make a mean tea.

Whoa, careful there.

All right. Oh. Okay. Yeah.

- Watch it. You gotta be careful, Ivan.
- Sorry.

See why I need you?

So, um, Jane, I know you
said you weren't interested

in doing a reality show again.

Um, thank you.

But you know what, this is HBO,

and they asked for you, okay?

They know who you are.

Yeah, I met with someone there

when I was trying to get
distribution for my documentary.

Well, okay. Now maybe they'll revisit

distri-buting it. Okay?

Get people to see it.
Who knows what can happen?

Yeah. Actually, yeah,
some people did see it

and then that happened.

Is that an Oscar? Is
it real? Can I pick it up?


Yeah? Oh my.

Ooh. Oh.

Okay. Wow. "Best documentary short:

The Hidden Women of
Treblinka." What is that?

Uh, it's about lesbians in the holocaust.

Oh. Important. Yeah.

'Cause it got you this.

Wow, so, "Jane Benson and Joanne Meyer"?

Yeah, Joan. That's my ex.

Oh! Oh. I didn't know you were...

what, that I was Jewish or a lesbian?

Well, both, you know. Double whammy.

Well, nice to meet you, Jane Benson:

Jewish lesbian with an Oscar.

Good for you. Good for you.


Doesn't mean anything.

"Doesn't mean anything"?

It's an Oscar!

Ooh, and I made banana bread.

Oh. I don't eat that, but...

I'll have some.

Tyler, make sure that
you get me with the Oscar.

You know what, Mickey? Here.

Will you take a picture
of me with the Oscar?

Just wanna make sure.
I want it on my phone.

Yeah. Take another one for safety.

And another one.

Another one.

Just one more.

Jane, taking
pictures with your Oscar.

I know, I'm right in the room.

Oh. Couldn't see
you, I was blinded by the gold.

Oh, wow.

Look at that.

Makes a good doorstop...


'cause it doesn't matter.

"It doesn't matter"?

I still had trouble

- raising money for my next one.
- Oh.

I have an unfinished movie about
the Taiwanese boat women in my barn.

Nobody even wants to know about it.

Well, maybe HBO wants to know about it.


Oh, no can do. I'm a lightweight.


Oh, hello! Mm, that's right.


Oooh. Yeah, oh, no.
Uh-uh. Sorry. Nope, not 21.

You just work the camera, okay?

I'm 25. Well, okay, I don't
want the other kids to feel bad.

All right. Yeah. Go ahead.

Is this butter?

It's goat butter.

Is that a thing?

Yeah. The horses like the goats.

You need to... okay. Come up.

- Aww.
- That way. There you go.

Yeah. They're rescue horses.

They're, like, traumatized
when they come in,

and the goats are, like, entry-level.

So the horses get
comfortable with the goats,

and then they get comfortable with people,

and so that's goat butter.

Do you have anything in a pump or a spray?

Mickey... trying to
talk business with Jane.

So, Jane, seriously,

how 'bout it?

Nothing? You're not gonna say anything?

You were so uptight around Paulie.

Uptight? I-I was... I wasn't uptight.

Oh, were you just trying
to get me to smoke that?

Oh, fine. I will. I'll do it.

I'll do it. You know why?
Because I'm not uptight.


I'm not uptight at all, I'm...
you know what? Paulie's changed.

This is good stuff.

It is. It is.

You know, I don't know,

Did you know...

That he was, um...

Doing heroin?

When we were shooting "room and bored."

Yeah. I saw him shoot up once.

You did? You didn't say anything.

It wasn't about him.

That's right. Yeah.

Oh, sorry.

I'm hogging the bogart.

Mm, I forgot how good butter tastes.

I feel bad enough about what I did
to you on camera the first time.

Well, I'm fine.

I'm fine. You were just
doing your job, you know.

And you're good at your job, Jane,
that's why everybody wants you.

I'm sorry.

I just don't see the point of it all.

Oh. Okay. Well, all right.

You don't see the point in
anything. But, you know, um...

How about people? Do people count?

You know? I need you.

I mean, I'm not a lesbian, and
I'm not a Taiwanese boat person,

but I need you.

I need to feed the horses.

Okay. That's... all right. I get it. So...

I give up. We'll go.

Oops. Wait a sec, I got it.

All right.

- Oop.
- Hup hup.

I'm sorry that I couldn't help you.

Oh, well, that's...
thanks for talking to me.

Are those the... is that the...
those are the rescue horses?

They're just so beautiful, you know.

Just think of how many
more you could rescue

with the money that
you'd make doing the show.

- Did you answer and I missed it?
- No.

Okay. Well, all right. I give up.

That's okay. Okay.

Oh, is that the barn? Is
that where you have the...

Taiwanese boat ladies that you can't
finish because you don't have the money?

Is that where that is?

All right, you're making me feel bad.

Well, look... I mean, I'm sorry,

but I just... all I hear
you say is that, you know,

"I don't have money to do the
things that I really want to do,"

and I'm here offering you money

to do those things and a do-over with me.

Right? So...

Mr. Mark.

Hello, Jane.

- Valerie?-

- You have company.
- Oh?

Okay. Yeah.

W-why are they here?

I thought this was going to be
different than "The Comeback."

It's completely different, Mark.

This is about an actress on a TV show.

They're just here to pick me up.

Hi. Come on in.

Hi, Jane.

Where is she?

Oh, hi. Hi, hon.

Hi, Tyler.

Say hi to your Uncle.

See? Kept him on the crew, and not just
for me, it's a big deal for him too.

Hey, Tyler. Learning a lot?

Well, of course he is.
You know, Jane has an Oscar.

Good. I don't want to be on this.

Okay. Message received.


He's so cute. Silly Mark.

You're so cute. You're so cute.

Hi. What's that? Oh, hi.

- Yeah, that's Nail.
- Nail? Yeah. Hi.

- And hawk and chip.
- I got it.

- Over there.
- Hawk. Chip.

Yeah, I got it. I got it.

Thank you. Yeah.

- Sorry.
- That's nice of you, but...

... Jane should do my mic.

Oh! Okay.

I almost forgot the big news.


You know how you and I have been
talking about how we wanna try

having date night more?

Okay. Well, you and I are
going to the Golden Globes.

- What?
- Uh-huh.

- That's cool.
- That's a smile.

Just me and you?

Just me and you,

and Mickey, and Billy, and...

You know.

Yeah. Just get your tux ready.


I actually gasped.

That's real.

Jane, we're not gonna see that, are we?


Me gasping.

Well, she's not gonna use
anything she doesn't need.

Well, what does that mean?

It means I'm late for the stylist, okay?

They just came to pick me up, but
then you started a conversation.

I didn't start a conversation.

So, let's go everyone.

Oh, forgot my phone.

Well, that could have been bad.

Who's Dr. Jadra?

Oh, um, that's not important.
I can just call him back.

I can call him back.

Isn't he the guy...

Yeah. You know, I'm just gonna...

Get a little Botox.

You know, everyone in Beverly
Hills gets a little Botox.

All right. All right. Did you
forget what happened the last time?

With the fillers and the Botox and the...

well, yeah. I was...

I wanted to get surgery, 'cause it's safer,

you know, but I only have a week...

- All right. You want to see what happens?
- So I'm just gonna do this.

What are you doing?

- Oh, no!
- Okay. No, no, no.

- No, that's not... oh, no!
- Jane, this...

no, this is what happens with fillers.

Okay. No. That's all right. I got it.

Come on.

Thank you. That's not necessary, Mark.

Either you want to be on camera
or you don't want to be on camera.

You guys ready?

He's filming his reality
show, so that's happening.

I know that show. Okay.

Oh, no. This one only airs in China.

China, smart. Yeah.

- Okay, everybody. Here we go.
- Okay.

There he is.

Brad Goreski.

- Hello, Valerie Cherish.
- Hi.

- How are you?
- Goo... oops. All righty.

Can't operate cars either.

Mickey, don't.

Yeah, yeah. I got it. I got it. I got it.

Um, should we try it again?

Sure, yeah. Okay.

In five, six, seven, eight...


Brad Goreski!

Hello, Valerie Cherish!

Who is this?

Oh, this is Valerie Cherish.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Brad's assistant.




I didn't... I didn't know.
Let's take a look at the rack.

That one, not this one.


Comedy doesn't translate.

I think this would look
really pretty with your hair.


You have to try this.

Uh-huh. That's... it's a lot of feathers.

Um, it's just not me, I don't think.

Yeah, but you know what I love about
this one is that it's so modern,

and I'd love to see you in
something modern for a change.

Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Great.

Try that. Thank you. Okay. All right.

Even though I'd never
wear it in a million years.

It's a goodie.


Oh, no.


Let's see it, Val.

Oh. Um...

No, I don't... it's not right.
You know, it's... no. No.

Not me.

Well, come on out.

Um, I'm good in here. You know.

I don't think... oh.

Oh, I like it.

- Well, I... no.
- Yeah, I think it's worth seeing.

It... you know what? Let's
just move along, okay?

'Cause it's just... it's not me.

Yeah, I know. You don't have to
wear it to the Golden Globes, Val.

We just need to see you in
a couple of looks for this.

You know the drill, you had a reality show.

- Yeah. Yeah. Just for fun.
- Yeah. Yeah.

We're gonna have fun.
Okay. Sure. Exactly. Yeah.

Okay. Here I come. Great.

Okay. Well...

This one's fun, huh?

Look at that.

- Isn't that something?
- I love the idea.

But it's not you.

Well, yeah. That's what I said in there.

You know, but...

Look like I fell asleep
in a bird sanctuary.

Huh? Who's my prom date? Big bird?


Try another one.

Which... what's next, Brad?

Actually, I have one that
I'd love for you to see.

It's a-mazing.

Is it normal?

That's pretty. Yeah, that will be fun.

Somebody say, "Golden Globes"?

Oh! Look at Mr. Mike!

Hats off. Here we come.

Those beautiful girls!

Uh, limo's here.

Well, here we are, four on the town.

Got the tickets, Mark?

- Yes, I do.
- Okay.

Let's go.

How are we getting in?


How are you going to get us in?

Oh, well, they don't need
tickets, right? They're press.

Everybody needs a ticket.



You know, Billy was pretty upset.

Well, Billy's a publicist,
and he should understand.

What about Mickey, just
rolling with it, huh?

You were so cute though, telling him.

I'll go this time, Mickey. You go next.

Oh, I don't know. I felt bad.

No, don't. Don't.

You're my man, okay?

You're my husband, my
everything, and you got to come.

Gotta have you, and Jane and the crew.


Uh, yes.

Omar, could you take them to suite 806.

Have a nice evening.
What's 806? What is that?

A viewing party.

I'm sorry, the awards are
in there. Where are we going?

To a viewing party in one of the
suites. Right that way, ma'am.

Well, we're guests of HBO.

The HBO party is downstairs after.

Oh, no. See, Val, it says, "viewing
suite" right there. No, but I... what?


I didn't see that, Mark.

I didn't know. Well, I mean,
we can still see it, right?

Yeah. Yeah, in the viewing suite.

Let's see who else is in there.

It could be fun. Okay, thank you.

Okay. This is it. Okay.

Yeah? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm ready.

All right. Ta-da. Okay.

Wow. Pretty.


Who are these people?

I don't know.

Guests of HBO, I guess.

Are they speaking Russian?
Is that what that is?

Yeah, probably.

They look like Russian whores.

And how would you know that?


I think they are.

Well, I need a drink.

I'm gonna get you a drink, okay?

I just saw Paulie G. so
I should probably say hi.

- Okay.
- Right?

Well, I don't have to say hi to him, do I?

Well, why don't I get you a
drink, and then you can say hi.

Okay. All right. That'll help.

Oh, and some cheese or something.

- Sure. Yeah.
- Thanks.


Don't understand.

Hi, what can I get you?

Um... what should I have?

Oh, you know what? Two of those.

- Thank you. Yeah.
- Coming right up.

Hello, hello, hello.

- Hello, Valerie and her cameras.
- Yeah.

Ma'am. Oh, thank you.

- Sure, enjoy.
- Thank you very much.

- So...
- Aye.

What's Jane doing here?

Um... you didn't know?


What is this, "The Comeback" comeback?


You're not doing that to me again, are you?

No. Absolutely not. No.

HBO called. They wanted her.

Right? Yeah.

Yeah, but... You know what? Don't worry.

We're in good hands, because...

It's not that same cheesy TV
stuff that you hate, you know.

I don't know if you know, but Jane,
um, she does documentary films,

and she has an Oscar.

- Wow.
- Yeah, I know.

For a holocaust movie... or lesbians...

lesbian holocaust movie, yeah.

Sounds hot. Sorry I missed it.


Paulie, just wanted to say
it's a beautifully written show.

Oh. You know? It really is,

and I'm gonna do my best.

Yeah, well, I hope you
can do better than that.



- Okay.
- Yeah, I just got you this...

- he's coming over.
- Yo, Val.

Hi. Hi.

- That wasn't you.
- Huh?

That... wasn't your fault.

I'm sorry.

It's all right. That's okay.

That's okay. You know Mark, right?

- Hello, Mark.
- Paulie.

Paulie G. You all right?

Yeah. Yeah.

I thought I was gonna be at the Golden
Globes tonight. I'm a little tense.

- Sorry.
- Yeah. No, so did we.

Yeah, I mean, they could have said,
"you're going to a suite," you know?

They could have made a
fucking decision, you know?

I'm feeling a little set up, I guess.

Okay. Yeah. Well, you know what? Next year.

We'll be inside.

You'll be inside. All right? Next year.


We were gonna go to the HBO
after-party. You wanna come?

No, I'm gonna go to a meeting.


- I'm gonna go to a meeting.
- Okay.

All right. Wish we could go too.

Don't you wish you were an
alcoholic so we could go?

Bad joke.

Okay. Yeah.

See you next week on set.

Bright and early.

All right. That's good.

- He walked right by the bar.
- All right.

That's probably a good sign.
Wait till he's gone before I...

Should we go?

Well, I don't wanna ride in the
elevator with Paulie G. So...

- No, thank you.
- Let's just wait. Yeah.

♪ Walking on, walking
on, broken glass ♪

You know, it was nice of him to come over.

Mm-hmm. Yes. Okay, that...
see, Jane, he has changed.

He wouldn't have done that before.

Val, he's still a freak.

Well, you know, he's an artist.

So... you're just lucky, 'cause
you're married to a sane artist.

You're an artist? You're an actress.

Actresses are artists.

He doesn't know.

♪ So take me from the wreckage ♪


♪ Save me from the blast ♪

We should probably go.
I think it's okay now.

Right? Yeah. Okay.

Probably safe.

♪ Don't let me keep on walking ♪

Coast is clear.

♪ I can't keep on walking ♪


We're leaving.