The Closer (2005–2012): Season 5, Episode 6 - Tapped Out - full transcript

Season 5 Episode 6
[Tapped Out] 720p Dim

What?

"What"?

- You're eating fruit.
- No.

I'm trying to cut
back on fatty foods.

Lauren says my diet...

makes me feel older.

You know
what's making you feel older?

Your age.

Flynn,
this woman has transformed me.

I met her nine weeks ago,



and I'm almost off
of my blood-pressure medication.

- You know why?
- No, I'm pretty sure I don't want to.

Every night by 9:30,

Unbelievable.

That's all followed
by 30 minutes of aerobics

and 2 fish-oil capsules.

Morning, gentlemen.

- Morning, Chief.
- No "Chief" today.

I'm just one of the guys.

So, that we can get a better handle on
why you're doing these ride-alongs,

what's it you're looking
to experience?

Just, you know,
what you guys do on a daily basis,

which, hopefully, will help me
break down some of the walls

within the department, you know? We need
to stop being... such isolated experts.



I want to get back
to our one specialization, which is...

justice.

We need to be able
to act like one...

Department, one...

Is that bothering you, Chief?

Yeah, Lieutenant,
as a matter of fact, it is.

Really?

Yellow tape goes up in your vicinity,
and that's your reaction?

Chief, this is central territory.

They need us,
we have our ringers on.

Excuse me, gentlemen.
I'm gonna...

go across the street to the crime
scene if, for no other reason, than...

- I'm a police officer.
- What happened to your one of the guys?

I am one of the guys.

One of the guys who gets his
responsibility to protect.

One of the guys who understands
the concept "to serve."

- One of those guys.
- Oh, God.

I hate those guys.

Chief Pope.
Sir.

What brings you here?

Just doing my job, Detective...

- Have we met?
- No, never had the honor, sir.

I'm, Detective Richard Tracy.
I just transferred to central.

- It's great to meet you, Chief.
- You, too, Detective.

Officer Sullivan.

And, that's Lieutenants Flynn
and Provenza from Major Crimes.

Major Crimes.

I just called your office
three minutes ago. You guys move fast.

Yeah. First time anyone's
accused them of that.

You want to bring us up to speed ?

Okay. Well,

our victim was shot approximately
7:30 this A.M.,

apparently,
while returning to his car.

His keys were in his right hand.

The vehicle's in
that guest spot right there,

alarm disabled.

The wallet was still
in his pants, so,

you know, robbery doesn't really
appear to be a motive.

But a close-range
shot to the face...

That suggests
a personal attack, right?

Any witnesses?

Yes. Building resident in the stairwell
heard two gunshots and then,

about 10 seconds later,
saw a woman run past her.

Got a real good look
at her face, too.

Second witness saw a black BMW
stopped behind the building.

Something dropped out
of the driver's-side window,

and a patrolman recovered...
this gun.

Now, initially, you know, I thought
that this shooting might be related

to that unsolved one we had
last tuesday at ninth and grand,

but the calibers don't match.

I marked the casings
where they landed,

and this is the victim's cellphone.

Sorry.

I was just driving home
from an all-nighter, you know,

and I heard the sirens,
and I figured

I'd probably be the first Detective
on the scene, so...

No apology necessary, Detective.

You know, if you want,

I'd be happy to log all
that stuff in for you.

Okay.

Thanks.

My pleasure.

We all work for the same woman,
after all, don't we?

Chief Johnson?

No, no, no, no.
I mean, you know,

The lady with the blindfold
and the scales in her hands,

you know what I mean. 'cause we all have
one specialization, right?

Justice.

"Divisions won't divide us."

That's our new mission statement,
isn't it, Chief?

That's it exactly, Detective.
That's right.

Hey, you know what?
In case I get held up,

- you mind if I grab your cards?
- Sure.

Thanks.

- Kiss-ass.
- Yeah. Big-time.

Now, that guy is an example
of the kind of police force

I'm trying to build here, you know?

He didn't drive by the crime
scene and say, "it's not my job."

He was proactive.

For a second,
I thought that was coming from me.

Yes, yes, he's dead!

Was he a friend of yours?

All right.
Let's try this again.

When you last saw the victim...

Buzz.

Spent an hour in the parking
garage with this woman today.

I cannot take any more of this.

Why didn't your squad ever show up?

Sorry, Chief.
No one from roll-out let us know.

It was phoned in.

And, you don't have
to call me "Chief" today.

I'm just one of the guys.

I think she started making words.

Oh, my God.

I just realized I never had
sex with a...

dead person before.

Well, presumably, he wasn't
dead when you had sex with him.

Was he?

What was the name of the vic...

The man that you slept with?

Intrigue.

Wait...
Did you say his name was "Intrigue"?

His real name was Mark Bernstein.

Oh, my God.

If my boss finds out
that he died in my parking garage,

I'm gonna be in so much trouble!

Who else knew that Intrigue...

Mr. Bernstein...
Spent the night with you?

Nobody.
I didn't tell anyone. Why?

Because if Mark Bernstein
doesn't live in your building

and you were the only one
who knew where he was,

I have to wonder
if you followed him downstairs

to the parking garage
and shot him yourself...

Or called someone
to kill him for you.

Oh, my God.

You're accusing me of murder?

Sergeant.

Do you have the witness statements
yet or the victim's cellphone?

Or the Detectives' notes or anything
that actually might lead us somewhere?

Nothing's been logged
in evidence yet.

I'll get on the line to central
and see what the holdup is.

Someone needs to stay
here with our witness.

Dear God.

So, why is this even a major crime?
The only thing we know about this guy

is that his name was Mark Bernstein
and he called himself "Intrigue."

Someone killed Intrigue?

You know who this man was,
Detective?

- I mean, he's kind of famous, Chief.
- For what?

The Intrigue technique.

It's a system for...

picking up women.

What do you mean
there's no Detective

by that name working at central?

Well, that's a mistake, because...

we all just met him.

Check again.

Yes, I'll tell you who's asking...
Assistant Chief William Pope.

Let the record show that he was
one of the guys for less than two hours.

Look, I spoke with him this morning.

Yes, Detective Richard Tracy, yes.

Okay, let me speak with
your immediate supervisor.

Now.

Excuse me.
Chief...

Am I to understand that you and,

Lieutenant Flynn
and Lieutenant Provenza

handed overall...

the evidence from the crime scene,
including the gun, to a Detective...

Dick Tracy?

Yes, Cindy...

Never mind.

Now...

This... is...

definitely...

a major crime.

- Did you even ask to see his badge?
- No, I didn't.

Then how could you
have been so certain

that he was
an actual LAPD Detective?

He knew my mission statement.

That should have been proof
that he didn't work here.

- How did we miss that?
- Chief, this... this Tracy guy...

I mean, he seemed authentic.
I mean, he had an LAPD Notebook,

he had the forms,
he knew things, like...

Right, like the caliber
of the bullets used in that...

in that shooting at ninth
and grand on tuesday, right?

Yeah, yeah, that.

So... We have a tainted crime scene,

a murder weapon and casings
out of the chain of custody.

We heard that there
were witnesses from someone

who could quite possibly be the killer
and, if not, a pathological liar.

I say we just check
with robbery homicide

and see if they're tracking
any police impersonators.

It'll take two seconds.
No, that's a bad idea.

Bad idea.

Chief, I found Mark Bernstein's, a.
K. a. Intrigue's, bio on Wikipedia.

I'm printing it out now,
along with his DMV info.

This...
This is the hookup king?

- His method mustreally work.
- It does.

Is that our victim, Lieutenant?

Yeah. That's him.

Okay, Lieutenant Provenza,

a search warrant for
Intrigue's residence

and the apartment of our lady
of the screams, Marie Morgan's, as well.

Thank you.

Good morning. I'm deputy Chief
Brenda Leigh Johnson of the LAPD,

and I have a warrant to search
the residence of Mark Bernstein,

- A.K.A. Intrigue.
- Again?

Excuse me?

The LAPD was here an hour
ago and cleared his place out.

Who was here, exactly?

Let's see.

His name was...

Lieutenant Provenza
of the Major Crimes Unit.

Besides the laptop computer,
did you see what else he took?

Dvds, books, bills.

I helped him carry out
three boxes of stuff.

You did?
What a gentleman.

Well, Lieutenant Provenza
was a very pleasant guy.

Can you tell me about
any women coming or going recently?

From here?
None. Ever.

That was one of Intrigue's rules.
Your home,

- your sanctuary.
- Your sanctuary.

Did Intrigue mention
if anyone had threatened him?

These questions are almost word-for-word
what Lieutenant Provenza asked.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Everybody loved Intrigue. You may
find this hard to believe, but...

I'm not naturally so lucky
with the lady folk.

But after his web course,
that all changed.

And not just once...

Twice.

Well, thank you, Mr. O'keefe.
Could you just give us one second?

Thank you.

Hey, Chief. Chief.

I don't know if this is anything, but
it's marked "'tapped'pilot rough cut,"

but the...
dvd is gone.

Wonderful...
We have no witnesses,

and whatever evidence this guy's got
is gonna be inadmissible in court

- because it was wrongfully obtained.
- No, it's only wrongfully obtained

if it was collected by a police officer,
which it was not.

As soon as we locate this
so-called Detective Tracy,

we can use whatever he's collected,

and go to jail for burglary, obstruction
of justice, and possibly murder.

Murder? Really?

If Tracy killed this guy,

why would he come here
andbring a warrant?

Yeah, easy.

He murders Intrigue to get his keys,

the warrant gets him
in without suspicion,

and takes away everything
that connects him to the victim.

Detective Sanchez, Sergeant Gabriel,

would you please go back to the crime
scene and canvass the neighbors?

See if you can locate
our original witnesses.

Thank you.

I don't know...
The guy may be a killer,

but he's acting more
like a wannabe Detective.

Makes me wonder where
he might go next.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

What?

The notification.

Mr. Bernstein?
I'm Brenda Leigh Johnson from...

LAPD, Cris response team.

Chief Pope told us to expect you.

Who told you...
what?

LAPD, Assistant Chief William Pope.

He gave us the news about
my brother's murder an hour ago,

and he said you people from Crisis
Response would be here to help us.

- Come on in.
- Yes, wonderful. Thank you.

Well, you served the warrant,
Pope did the notification.

I wonder what the hell
I'm doing right now.

This is jill pappas, the network
executive who decided

to put mine
and my brother's show on the air.

Ms. Pappas, I'm Brenda Leigh Johnson,
and this is...

Detective Pfifu.

I'm so sorry about your loss.

So, you and your brother had a show?

It was supposed to premiere
on Slag TV next week.

- Slag TV?
- It's a cable channel.

- Please have a seat.
- Thank you so much.

Ken and I were just
sitting down to discuss

all the upcoming episodes
when Chief Pope...

stopped by.

One of the first things
we like to do in...

cris response is make certain

that the family notification
was done properly,

so perhaps you can tell us what
Chief Pope discussed with you.

He seemed...

really focused on knowing
who mark went home with last night.

- What did you tell him?
- We had no idea.

Knowing my brother,
it was probably a girl he'd just met.

Chief Pope asked about the women
who've appeared on our show, as well.

Did you provide him with names?

I told him that he could get
them from Jill's assistant.

Unfortunately,
Marie is not responding to our messages.

Has she texted you yet?

I just can't wrap my head around
the idea that mark is...

gone.

- I'll be back in a minute.
- Yes.

Ms. Pappas...

the brothers, Ken and...
and Mark, did they get along?

- Do you have brothers?
- Three.

Well, then you know how it is.

I think Ken had a little crush on
my assistant, but she liked Intrigue.

Was Ken aware of this?

I think so, but I would never have
brought it up, because, well...

the brothers did
so much better when they got along.

Of course.

I found Intrigue,
I developed the show,

and the pilot was
testing off the charts.

It's just such a huge
loss on so many levels.

- Would you excuse me?
- Absolutely.

We find this Tracy guy,
I'm gonna kill him.

- Get in line.
- Get in line.

Here's what I don't get. I haven't made
any kind of public statement yet,

so who gave him all this
"no divisions" stuff?

You did.

Our public transparency project

with the new LAPD
website went online last month.

Okay, I had nothing
to do with... this.

They asked me for a few photos
and a couple of old speeches.

Oh, my God.
What else is on there?

Case details updated hourly,
crime stats by the neighborhood...

That's probably how he found
out about the other shooting.

Tracy is monitoring the website,

quite possibly as we speak.

Okay, what else have you found
out about our victim, Lieutenant?

Intriguing endeavors,

the company formed by ken
and Mark Bernstein, was a cash cow.

Pulled in over $12
million last year alone.

There were some questions
about some unpaid taxes

and an offshore company
pulling in proceeds,

but the FBI's investigating that.

No, no. Fritz and I have discussed this,
and we have a deal.

We no longer share
information with each other.

Yeah, well,
I don't have that deal, and...

if there's one time that "no divisions"
should mean something,

it's when FBI and local law enforcement
can work together to solve a murder.

Chief, either Tracy is the murder

and he's running around
collecting all the evidence

and he's contaminating
every single witness...

Or he's not the killer, and we have
to stop him before he makes an arrest.

Until now,
he's been one step ahead of us.

But we know something
that he doesn't...

Where the victim spent
the night and with whom. Lieutenant Tao.

I'm updating the online case
file as we speak, Chief.

Who is it?

LAPD, Ms. Morgan.
I'm sorry to bother you.

Who did you say it was?

Lieutenant Andrew
Flynn of Major Crimes.

I just want to ask
you a few questions.

Just a second.

What are you doing?!

Lieutenant Flynn,
I believe you've met Lieutenant Flynn.

Who the hell are you, huh?!

I'm a serious homicide Detective
doing serious investigative work!

You are also seriously under arrest,
you freak!

I'm not under arrest.
You're under arrest.

- Put your hands up against the wall!
- I'm arresting you and you!

You're all under arrest for assault
and battery of a police officer!

Help! Police!

- I am the police.
- You have the right to remain silent.

- Do not read me my rights.
- Don't you tell me what to do.

Okay. Okay.
Look, I'll show you one more time.

You click here, and you're displaying
the interview-room cameras.

But I still can't ear anything!

Because you have to clickthis
to hear interview 1.

Anything...

Anything could happen
as I free-associate about the case.

I could crack it wide open
just sitting here in this room.

And then click
this to hear interview 2.

Oh, for heaven's sakes.
We're running an asylum in here.

Thank you, Buzz.

In between the crying and screaming,
she said, yes,

she is this Pappas woman's assistant,
and, yes,

she worked on the guy's show.

And she also drives
a company BMW, black.

Afternoon, people.

Well, Special Agent Howard.

So...

What can you tell
us about our victim?

Three years ago,

Three years ago,the FBI began
investigating Mark Bernstein's company,

intriguing endeavors,

because of questionable
release forms

he and his brother obtained from
the women featured in his web videos.

Two of the girls were underage,

several were too drunk
to know what they were doing.

Part of Intrigue's deal in making

this new television show
was stopping all of that.

- So they went legit.
- As far as we can tell.

But...
with Mark Bernstein gone...

All cash coming in goes
to the surving brother, yes.

Chief, the victim's computer...
I think it could tell us a lot,

but someone added a boot password
blocking access to Intrigue's files.

- I'd guess Detective Tracy...
- He's not a Detective, Lieutenant.

But who is he?
Sergeant gabriel, do we know yet?

Fingerprints say his real
name is Jonathan Baird.

He's age 36,
he's got no criminal record,

no financial connection
to the Bernsteins.

He's worked for a variety of security
companies over the past 10 years,

fired each time for doing
his job a little too well.

He took the LAPD
Academy entrance exam twice,

scored extremely high, but was never
admitted due to psychological issues.

There's a shock.

Now... about his witness statements.

The good news is his
handwriting is impeccable.

The bad news is everything's
written in this bizarre code

I think only he can decipher.

Thank you.
Lieutenant.

Finally.

You know, I feel incredibly
underappreciated right now.

Do you, Mr. Baird?

That is your name, isn't it?

Are we really gonna sit
here and debate my identity,

or are we going to arrest a killer?

You know, if we don't catch
him in the first 48 hours,

our chances of success
go down dramatically!

- We are losing time, people!
- We're not losing any time.

You have all the time in the world.

Give me one good reason why
I shouldn't arrest you for murder.

Okay.
How about this? I didn't do it!

And, by the way,

while I'm on duty, could you
please refer to me as "Detective"?

You know,
if you spent a little more time

investigating and just a little
less time arresting fellow officers,

you would know by now
that the killer drives a black BMW,

whereas we all drive crown vics.

Why were you at the crime
scene in the first place?

Well, I guess I saw some
black-and-whites there, and I thought,

"why don't I show a little bit
of initiative?"

I got to tell you, Chief Pope was a lot
more impressed with me than you are.

I need the names of the witnesses.

They're on page 17
of my official report.

You're not writing
an official report!

No, I'm not, am I?! That's because
I'm handcuffed to this chair!

I am not gonna let the two of
you blow this investigation!

I am way farther along
on this than you are.

You want to know why?

Because I move like lightning.

I turn on a dime.
I fly like the wind.

Did you see how fast
I served that search warrant?

That's because we actually
have to get a judge to sign them!

And tell me this.

The woman that our victim
was seen with last night...

Does she or does she not drive
a black BMW,

just like our killer?

Yes or no?

You don't get to ask questions
around here... we do!

- Lieutenant Flynn.
- Yes?

Look, look...
Just...

Detective.

You turn on a dime. You move
like lightning. You fly like the wind.

Do you actually have
a theory about this crime?

Chief!

Look, Lieutenant,
this man has been places

we have not and done
things we cannot do,

including interviewing
the witnesses.

Maybe you could
bring us up to speed.

How about it...

Dick?

A parking garage...

Cold,

dank,

unforgiving,

as mundane as evil itself,
and yet...

Detective,
just the fact pattern, please.

I have to set the right tone!

We may never know exactly what
Mark Bernstein, A.K.A. Intrigue,

was thinking as he walked

from the structure's single
stairwell to his BMW,

parked in this unassigned guest spot

on parking level 2 of 3.

Do all the parking levels
have unassigned guest spaces?

That's a very astute question,
my latino friend.

The answer is si, absolutamente.

Which is "yes, absolutely".

Clearly, our killer recognized
our victim's car.

Bernstein walked here.

And our shooter,

standing here, judging by
where the casings landed here and here,

likely called his name.

Might have sounded like,
"hey, Intrigue!

Is that you?!"

So the victim turned.

The shooter fired...

One hit,

one hot slug of lead
squarely penetrating...

The victim's forehead.

Excuse me.
Who was the first eyewitness?

A Miss Sue Jamison of apartment 515

was gingerly descending the stairwell
when she heard those two gunshots...

Seconds later, a thin woman of
about average

height fled past her,

ostensibly on her
way up to the street.

Am I boring you,

Officer?!

Chief, ballistics confirms
the gun found at the crime scene

matches bullets and casings.

Thank you, sergeant.

Detective,
would you please continue, quickly?

Three minutes later,

a glenn ramsdale spies
a late-model black BMW

stopping behind the building.

Something falls out of
the driver's-side window.

It's a gun. And...

we've just confirmed
the murder weapon.

Thank you so much, Detective.
So, clearly, our...

Our killer knew both
the building's layout

and that our victim was
sleeping with Ms. Morgan.

And next, if you look at the TV show
that our victim was working on,

I think you'll be exactly halfway
to understanding the killer's motive.

You know,
even if a computer won't boot up,

you should probably still empty

the "D" drive.

You never know what you might find,
Lieutenant.

Buzz, could you fast-forward
to the actual content?

Yes, ma'am.

We've all seen how
an inexperienced P.U.A.

Approaches an S.H.B.

And how quickly
things will go wrong.

P.U.A.

Pick-up artist.

S.H.B.
Smokin' hot babe, Chief.

Do you believe in
love at first sight?

Or should I walk in again?

You see, a master P.U.A.

will start instantly
with a little "physo"...

Physical contact.

He'll then use words like "hard" and

"penetrate" in the conversation...

Oh, my lord.
This man is horrible.

Sexual charge.

Let's take a look
at the master at work.

- Fast-forward a bit more, Buzz.
- With pleasure.

He's recording all this
with his cellphone, Chief.

Let's slow it down again, Buzz.

That is disgusting.

A clean getaway means
no one gets woken up.

That's why my car...

Has a silent alarm.

We all know my pickup
was successful, but was our S.H.B.

feft unaware of what
exactly had taken place?

Let's take a look.

So, he slept with me,
he snuck out on me,

- and he videotaped it all?
- Yep! That's what he does.

I'm gonna take **** his little ****

and I'm ****gonna *** cut it off!

Stop the camera!

Buzz.
I think we've seen enough of this.

According to the website,
slag tv shot eight episodes of "tapped."

He did this to eight women,
and he only got shot once?

Look. Detec...

You said that this show would take
us exactly halfway to our motive.

What is on Intrigue's computer
that will give us the other half?

If I tell you that...

Can I transfer to your squad?

Of course.

We'd be so happy to have you.

Oh, my god.

I'm one of the guys!

I mean, this is...

I... well, first of all,

let me thank you for
acknowledging my... my good work.

And secondly, I'm gonna need
a badge and a gun, 'cause you know,

I left mine at home, so...

- You're lying to me.
- So hard to believe.

You never had any intention of
transferring me to Major Crimes?

Lieutenant, would you please take
Detective Tracy to the interview room?

After everything
I've done for you people?!

I demand to see
my union rep right now!

- You don't have a union rep!
- No wonder I'm so poorly represented.

Chief. Chief.

I've got the eight women
from "tapped" in the conference room.

They all say they have no idea
where Intrigue was last night.

And believe me when I tell you,

- not one of them wants to be here.
- I understand, sergeant.

Let's put 4 of them in interview room 1
and four of them in interview 2.

Hello?!
Officer needing assistance!

And what about our...

Crazy screaming lady, Marie Morgan?

Add her to the line up when I ask
you to, please, but not a minute before.

Thanks.

Chief, this is Ms. Jamison.

She's our eyewitness
from the stairwell.

Yes. Of course.

Lieutenant, would you please escort
Ms. Jamison to your desk,

where she can observe
the lineup from your computer?

- Yes, ma'am. This way.
- Thanks.

Good luck solving this puzzle

while I have the password
to the victim's computer.

Mr. Baird,
this is not a game where one of us says,

"it was done in the library with
a candlestick by colonel mustard."

In fact, I may end up arresting
you as an accessory after the fact.

Don't you ever get tired
of always playing the bad cop?

Look, if you're still
worried about this morning,

I believe we're close to resolving
this case, and when we do,

any unintentional oversights
won't make a bit of difference.

How can you say that?
Sooner or later, "Dick Tracy"

is gonna have to go to court and testify
that I handed all the evidence,

including a loaded gun, to him...

a civilian with psychiatric issues.

So, no matter how this turns out,
I'm screwed.

Maybe not.

I could really use
your help with something.

Okay. What?

What now, blondie?

Detective Tracy, I'm fairly certain
I know who killed Mark Bernstein,

and in a short time,
I expect to confirm that belief.

That said

I'm lacking evidence
establishing a compelling motive,

which I will need
to obtain my confession.

So, if you are in
possession of that evidence,

I order you to hand
it over this instant,

including the password that you
attached to the victim's computer.

You've made it pretty clear
that I don't work for you,

so that order doesn't
really mean anything.

I think I'm not gonna give you that
password because you're not my boss.

But I am, Detective.

- You work for me.
- I do?

Yes, you do.

And I recognize
that Chief Johnson's behavior

has been an affront
to your diligent investigative work.

Chief Johnson seems intent on
maintaining her division...

While at the same time
dividing herself

against...

Herself.

- Chief Pope!
- I'm sorry, Chief, it had to be said.

There is justice, there is the law,

and there is the power
that sustains them both.

That password is a crucial element
in the solving of this case.

And Detective Tracy here seems
to understand that better than you do.

Isn't that right, Detective?

Crimestoppers.

I'm sorry.

That's the password
that I put on the victim's computer.

It's "crimestoppers."

Do I really have
to tell you guyseverything?

I think I know her.

Lieutenant Tao, just go to recent...

- Documents?
- Yes, please.

- Know her from where?
- The motor pool, I think.

Here we go, Chief.

Chief, jill pappas is waiting
in the electronics room.

Thank you, Buzz.

Lieutenant Tao.

It's printing out right now.

Ms. Pappas, thank you for coming in.

Lieutenant Flynn, Detective Sanchez,
please have the women face forward.

Could you line up against the wall,
please?

Look in that direction.

I'll go in closer.

That's Gail McDonald.
She was a particularly bad sport.

During our video follow-up session,

she made overt threats
toward Intrigue.

It got quite ugly.

Now, Ms. Pappas
I have a bad surprise for you.

Buzz, would you please
ask Sergeant Gabriel

- to bring in our last subject?
- Sergeant Gabriel, now.

This will all be over
in a few minutes.

If you'd just have a seat
right over here, thank you.

Just try to calm down. Stay calm.
Everything's just fine, all right?

That's... that's my assistant, Marie.
I've been trying to reach her all day.

If she was sleeping with Intrigue,
why would she murder him?

Well, maybe she got jealous of all
the other women he was "tapping."

No, but that was all part of the show.
Marie knew that going in.

She also had opportunity.

She was in the building
where Intrigue was murdered,

and she drove a black BMW identical
to the one used by the killer.

No. Our production company leases
half a dozen of them just like hers,

including the one
that Intrigue drove.

And Intrigue's brother
also drove a black BMW?

That was our contract for as long
as the show was in production.

And he also had a crush on Marie.

That went nowhere.

Well, look, Ms. Pappas,
all I need to know

is if you'd be willing to testify

about Ms. Morgan's ongoing
affair with Intrigue.

All right, yes.
If you really think it's germane,

yes, I will testify.

It's just...

- God.
- What?

It's just gonna be hell
to replace Marie mid-season.

- Chief, are you seeing this?
- Yes. Ms. Pappas,

if you wouldn't mind going
in and calming Ms. Morgan down?

Just place her in the center of
the room in front of our cameras,

- and we'll get this over with.
- I'll do what I can.

Jill! Jill!
I didn't kill him! I didn't kill him!

Marie, Marie, take it easy.
Take it easy. Breathe.

Chief, you have your I.D.

All right!
I guess I'm free to go, huh?

Yeah.
No.

But I do think you deserve
to see this confession.

Come on.

Relax.
Marie, you must relax.

Sergeant Gabriel, would you escort
these lovely ladies out of the room?

Have a seat.

Right his way, ladies, please.

Thank you for your time.
Sorry about the inconvenience.

Except for you, Ms. Pappas.
You can stay.

I'm sorry?
Did I Miss something here?

Lieutenant Flynn, would you
please read Ms. Pappas her rights?

- You have the right to remain silent.
- You think I killed him?

- If you give up the right to remain...
- That's absurd.

- Anything you...
- I know my rights.

I produced three seasons
of "Homicide P.I."

I don't want or need an attorney

because you have absolutely nothing
linking me to Intrigue's death.

You knew that your assistant
marie was sleeping with Intrigue,

which means you also knew

that he'd be leaving her
apartment this morning.

'cause that's one of his rules,
isn't it?

Never take the smokin' hot
babe back to your own house?

You also had access
to half a dozen cars identical

to the one used by our killer.

And our Detectives are
combing through yours

as we speak for gunshot residue.

Bet you we'd find some
on her arms right now.

Not to mention you
lied to us repeatedly.

You said that "tapped" was going
to be a gigantic hit, when, in fact,

you knew it was about
to explode in your face.

Your own audience testing, which
we just printed off of Intrigue's laptop

showed that they didn't
just hate the show,

they loathed the concept
and the star.

Lowest scores on record.

When you said "off the charts,"
you weren't just kidding around.

And, by the way,
there's an eyewitnes

who actually saw you running
from the crime scene.

All of this evidence proves

that you murdered Mark Bernstein
to save your career.

Is that not right?!

When I first signed
Intrigue to do the show,

I thought he had
a likable vulnerability.

Turns out, on camera,

he comes off like
a psychopathic predator.

I told him he'd have
to change his approach.

Did you think he was
gonna take notes from me?

You killed him because
he wouldn't take notes?

I explained to him
that the show's failure

would destroy me.

But it didn't matter to him.

Because his web business
would only continue to grow.

He'd screwed me
and was ready to move on,

just like every other woman
he'd ever come across.

He'd make millions

while I'd be fighting

to get a job
as Paula Abdul's personal assistant.

Does that seem fair to you?!

Geez, this is just a TV show
we're talking about...

On basic cable, for Christ's sakes.

Couldn't you have just canceled it?

I did...

With extreme prejudice.

Chief johnson's not bad, you know?

Yeah, she's the real deal.

Ms. Pappas...

you just tapped out.

"What I witnessed

next..."

No.
I'm not a witness.

"What I saw next made the hair on
the back of my neck

stand up straight."

- "Not the big hairs, like the... "
- for the last time,

will you knock it off over there?!

Make sure to include the witness
statements in your report, Detective.

Okay, does anybody have a mirror,
please,

so I can see if I have the word
"rookie" tattooed on my forehead?

Witness statements go
in a separate appendix.

Yes, they do. And don't forget about
the search warrant.

And please itemize all the evidence that
you took from the victim's apartment.

- And...
- Okay, excuse me. Excuse me.

Do I tell you how to do your job?

You're having him write
a final report because...?

When he says he served
a search warrant,

it means
that he forged legal paperwork.

When he entered the victim's apartment,
he trespassed.

Removing evidence is burglary,
and so on and so on.

And...

when he signs it,
it's officially his confession.

And his defense.
It's proof that he's a total crackpot.

Psychiatric services will
make that evaluation.

And then I'll be halfway
to saving Chief Pope's job.

Speaking of which, gentlemen,
how's your official report coming?

- You want to read it before ?
- No, no. You can just send it upstairs.

- Where's the dvd of the show's pilot?
- Got it right here, Chief.

Where you taking it?

I think the district attorney
ought to have a gander.

No, "en route" is E-N, not O-N.

Mind Your own business...

Dick.

Yeah?

Reading anything good?

Yeah, a marvelous new
work of fiction...

Flynn and Provenza's account
of today's adventures.

Even if this does become
the accepted version of events,

it all goes out the window when...

"Dick Tracy" is taken out
of his padded room,

puts his right hand up at trial,

and testifies
that I handed him the gun

and the casings and sent
him on his merry way.

Not if it doesn't go to trial.

What do you mean?

I had planned to show
deputy D. A. Garnett the entire pilot,

but it only took three minutes
for him to realize that our

victim is
as despicable as our killer.

So, we both agreed that a plea to life
would be a most reasonable outcome.

But what will
your division think of me

if I submit this untruthful
report to the Chief?

That you are exactly who you
said you wanted to be...

Just one of the guys.

Well, what does that mean?

We lie to you all the time.

Everybody does.

Robbery homicide, vice,
narcotics, even traffic.

It's the one thing that unites
every division of the LAPD. We...

We all lie to our boss.

I don't...
what am I supposed to say to that?

- What, "thank you"?
- You're welcome.

And...

As far as the respect that my...

division has for you,

I can assure you, Will,

that no thing has changed
from yesterday to today.

- Honestly?
- Honestly.

So, nighty-night...

crimestopper.